5 Exciting Things Straight People Can Learn From Queer Sex

Posted on 07/06/2024 by Boris Clair

One of the eternal truths about sex is that we all do it a little differently, and have different relationships with bedroom antics.

However, this Pride month, the sexperts at Beducated have shared that they believe that heterosexual folks could learn a lot about sex and intimacy from their queer counterparts.

Given that heterosexual women orgasm less than LGBTQ+ women, we reckon that there are definitely some essential insights we could all learn from.

What straight people can learn from queer sex

There is no ‘right way’ to have sex

While a lot of us feel pressure to perform well in the bedroom and get it ‘right’ when it comes to sex, there’s actually no wrong way to have sex and orgasms can come (pun intended) without any penetration.

Beducated CEO Mariah Freya said: “There is this outdated misconception that sex is only complete when there is penetration involved. That can be a problem because it makes penetration the main event.

“However, we know that people with vulvas require more than just penis-in-vagina action to reach an orgasm.”

Your gender doesn’t define whether you’re submissive or dominant

While there is no gender behind these roles, society often imposes rigid gender roles in sexual dynamics, expecting straight men to be dominant and straight women to be submissive. Queer sex challenges these norms.

Freya said: “Why let gender define how we express ourselves in the bedroom? Instead, think about the role you find most pleasurable, expectations be damned.”

Toys and gadgets are your friends, not foes

Sex toys and accessories are not just for replacing body parts; they can enhance sexual experiences significantly and bring a whole lot of fun to the bedroom.

Freya said: “Lesbian folks are often asked, ‘Don’t you miss dick?’ Cringe aside, sex sans penis doesn’t mean you have to skip the penetration — there are dildos for that.

“Beyond replacing body parts, toys, lubes and accessories can elevate sex to a whole new level.”

Outdated prejudices limit your pleasure potential

Freya said: “People with penises are blessed with this small gland called a prostate, which has the potential to lead to next-level orgasms. For some ridiculous reason, we’ve decided as a society to completely ignore it because prostate stimulation involves getting close to – gasp – the anal region.

“Imagine having something that powerful, and not using it because of prejudice. The world is upside down.”

There is no magical secret to orgasms, just knowledge

Though the orgasm gap between straight and queer women is a real thing, it really doesn’t have to be, and Beducated believe the only difference is a knowledge gap.

Freya said: “You don’t need to have a vulva to know how to turn one on; all you need to do is educate yourself.

“Getting familiar with vulva anatomy means you can find the G-Spot and cervix, for example. Sure, clitoral stimulation is great, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The same goes for male body anatomy – you want to know where the perineum is, or how to approach hand jobs when your partner is (or isn’t) circumcised.”

I’m A Sex Therapist – Here’s 4 Things You NEED To Do To Help With Intimacy After A Baby

Posted on 09/02/2024 by Boris Clair

Starting a family is one of the biggest milestones in a relationship and it is impossible to overestimate the total joy of your baby arriving.

It’s therefore understandable that when your little bundle of gorgeousness is here, that they demand all your attention and that leaves precious little time for anything else.

Most parents complain about their lack of sleep, messy homes, and a total inability to have a shower some days. However, we don’t always discuss the impact that parenting can have on your relationship, and especially on your sex life. If it does get raised, it’s often laughed off – “how can I even think about sex when I’m covered in baby vomit!” – but maintaining intimacy can be a real challenge for some couples and can lead to relationship difficulties further down the line if not addressed.

In support of HiPP Organic’s new campaign, ‘The Parenting Connection’, I, as a psychosexual and relationship therapist, want to encourage open dialogues among new parents – helping them address the balance between parenthood and maintaining a strong relationship as a couple.

Don’t panic! It’s never too late to start addressing intimacy difficulties even if it’s been a while since you did the deed. Pressure, anxiety and shame are total libido killers, so try to step more into a compassionate mindset. That’s especially important near Valentine’s Day when there can be huge pressure to have the perfect relationship! Remind yourself that it’s understandable that your mind hasn’t been on your sex life, but that it doesn’t have to be like this forever. Why not start by talking to your partner about how you feel and how you would like to improve the intimate side of your relationship.
Seize the small moments. It doesn’t have to be about waiting until you have the energy to jump into bed together. You might be waiting a long time! Instead, small touches and moments of affection can make a big difference. Try giving your partner a hug and a kiss when you see them after work. Give them your eye contact when you talk. Touch them gently on the arm or back when you’re discussing your days. These small acts can mean so much when you’re both in need of some physical attention.
Create a sexual menu. This takes the pressure off you having to have full sex, which might be tricky if the birth partner is still healing. A sexual menu can be a fun exercise for you both to share some different ideas for intimacy, such as bathing together, sensual massage or slow dancing. It also helps you to think about what you do want, rather than focusing on what you don’t. Ticking things off your new menu can add a much needed injection of novelty which is key for healthy relationships, so have fun!
Try the 3 Minute Game. It’s so simple! Just ask each other 2 questions: “where would you like me to touch you for three minutes?” and “where would you like to touch me for three minutes?”. Breaking intimacy down into three minute chunks is a fantastic way to help you think about touch positively and willingly, as well as helping to improve your communication around intimacy.

It’s hard to prioritise your relationship when life is so exhausting, but we know that life satisfaction increases with relationship satisfaction so it’s worth the effort if you can. Remember that little and often is much more sustainable than trying to do grand gestures, and those small acts of intimacy can really build up to a much closer and more connected relationship. Good luck!

Elinor Harvey is a psychosexual and relationship therapist.

5 Things HIV Doctors Want Everyone To Be Doing

Posted on 02/12/2023 by Boris Clair

Of the estimated 1.2 million people with HIV in the United States, 13% are unaware they have it. This is despite ongoing scientific advancements enabling people with HIV to live long, healthy lives, and a vast increase in frank and candid conversations from people in the public eye, like Billy Porter and Jonathan Van Ness, to dispel the stigma surrounding the virus.

What gives?

“I still think there is a lot of stigma surrounding HIV and prevention, and I also think there’s still a distrust from certain communities of the medical establishment, lack of education and comfort with providers,” said Dr. Antonio E. Urbina, medical director at the Mount Sinai Institute for Advanced Medicine and a professor of medicine at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City.

“We have made strides in terms of decreasing the number of new infections, but we still need to demystify the tools we have to prevent it by universally adopting a more sex-positive attitude,” Urbina told HuffPost

Feeling comfortable with and empowered by your medical provider to speak openly about your status, ask questions and seek treatment are crucial tools in the fight to eradicate HIV and treat those living with it. But there are plenty of other things infectious disease doctors recommend that people do in order to keep themselves safe.

Know your status.

The most obvious-sounding one is also one of the most important. It’s not only for the benefit of your sexual partners and for the betterment of your health but also to ensure you’re getting the correct and most effective treatment possible.

“When a person is aware of their status, they can engage in informed conversations with health care providers to explore personalized prevention strategies,” Dr. Taimur Khan, associate medical research director of the Fenway Institute in Boston, told HuffPost.

“Regular testing facilitates early detection, which can lead to early treatment, reducing the risk of HIV transmission and contributing to better health outcomes. It also opens the door to other preventive measures, like PrEP, which can be tailored to individual needs and circumstances.”

Inquire about new treatment options.

PrEP, or pre-exposure prophylaxis, is already a widely known method of protection and prevention. When taken in pill form as prescribed, PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex by 99%.

It also helps to maintain the U=U, or undetectable equals untransmittable, status. When your viral load is undetectable, it’s also untransmittable. When someone has HIV and is taking antiretroviral therapy (ART) to maintain their undetectable status, they cannot spread the virus. Since PrEP assists in preventing someone from contracting HIV even if they are exposed to it, it also helps to protect the wider community.

But not everyone feels like taking a pill every day. For those people, it might be worth inquiring about other options.

“We already have approved a long-acting bimonthly injectable called Apretude,” Khan said. “That might be able to option the window for capturing the most vulnerable populations or most impacted. It’s widely available and FDA-approved, most insurances will cover it. It just hasn’t really scaled up significantly because it’s still new, and I also think it takes a bit of infrastructure at a site or clinic to have a flow and process for getting it approved and actually doing the injections.”

Practice safe sex and injection.

Every doctor we spoke to stressed the effectiveness of consistently wearing condoms when engaging in anal, vaginal or oral sex, and for those who inject drugs, participating in needle exchanges or ensuring clean needles are used. For more information about syringe services programs, click here.

Prioritise being in a safe space.

It’s just as important to feel empowered to discuss your sexual health with a partner as it is with your health care provider.

“There should be no shame or judgment surrounding sex. This is one of the reasons transmission continues to occur,” said Robin Hardwicke, a professor of obstetrics and gynaecology at UTHealth Houston who specialises in infectious diseases. “Sex is a natural part of human life; an expectation. Be free to have sex, but be responsible enough to protect yourself and your partner.”

“Find a provider or clinic where you feel comfortable talking about these issues,” Urbina added. “If you start to talk about this and you get shut down or they’re not responsive to your needs, you should go somewhere else until you really feel comfortable. If you feel you have to hide or not disclose something so important, it’s not a fit.”

Treat HIV as part of your overall health.

Finally, it’s important for both medical professionals and their patients to remember that they would be better served looking at HIV through the lens of overall health and not just sexual health, Khan told HuffPost.

“The stigma that has long been associated with HIV is being challenged by emphasising a shift from discussing ‘risky’ behaviour to promoting sexual practices that are safe, consensual and enjoyable,” he said. “By addressing HIV as one aspect of a broader sexual health conversation that includes other [sexually transmitted infections], vaccinations, mental health and substance use, the focus is placed on comprehensive care and well-being. This inclusive approach helps to dismantle the blame and shame often associated with HIV and repositions it as a manageable health condition.”

PrEP Can Prevent HIV Infections, But Most Women Don’t Know They Can Take It

Posted on 02/12/2023 by Boris Clair

When it comes to lowering your risk of getting infected with HIV, there is one immensely valuable yet grossly underused medication that doctors recommend.

The drug is known as PrEP, or pre-exposure prophylaxis, and is a medication that reduces the risk of someone getting HIV, said Dr. Shivanjali Shankaran, an infectious disease physician who specializes in HIV at RUSH University Medical Group in Chicago.

PrEP is an important HIV infection prevention tool that many folks either don’t know about or don’t think they’re eligible for. It’s estimated that only “about 30% of the people who should be on PrEP are on PrEP and of them in the U.S., only 7% of PrEP users are women,” Shankaran said.

There’s a dangerous myth that women can’t take PrEP, which is probably why use among this demographic is so low. But with 18% of new HIV diagnoses in the U.S. happening in women, prevention is necessary.

We spoke with experts about PrEP and why it’s valuable for everyone — including women. Here’s what they said:

PrEP is a medication that HIV-negative people can use to stay HIV-negative.

PrEP reduces the risk of becoming infected with HIV both via sexual activity and via injection drug use, Shankaran said.

The Centers for Disease Control states that PrEP lowers your risk of contracting HIV sexually by 99% and 74% when it comes to HIV contraction via injection drug use.

“The different studies had varying levels of protection, but most of those were related to how well someone adhered to taking the pills,” Shankaran explained. “So if you took the pills most of the time, if not all of the time, it’s very, very effective — obviously, if you don’t take it, it’s not going to be effective.”

There are currently three options for PrEP in the U.S.; two of the treatments are pills and one is an injectable. Cisgender women are eligible for two of the three treatments, according to Shankaran: Truvada, a pill treatment, and Apretude, which is the injectable medication.

Truvada is one PrEP medication that women can take. (Astrid Riecken/Tribune News Service via Getty Images)

“The CDC currently recommends that if you’re a cis woman, you take the medication, the Truvada, for example, if it is a pill, you take it every day, and about after about 21 days or so you’re fully protected,” Shankaran said.

For Apretude, the injectable medication, the time it takes for someone to be fully protected is unknown, according to the CDC. This is because the medication has been available for a shorter time, Shankaran said.

“The duration is shorter for men, also [men] can do sort of on-demand PrEP, where you take it if you’re going to have sex,” Shankaran explained. However, taking the medication “on demand” is not currently recommended for cis women.

Additionally, cisgender women cannot take Descovy, the third PrEP medication, which is also administered in pill form. “Because, unfortunately, studies were not done in cis women, and so there was not enough data in the use of Descovy … which is why it’s not approved for that use,” Shankaran said.

PrEP is just one part of a full strategy for people to stay HIV-free.

“The reason I say it’s a strategy because I think the medication, whether it be a pill, or injectable, is sort of just part of it — so, it’s either a pill a day that people can take, or an injectable medication every two months,” said Dr. Oni Blackstock, the founder and executive director of Health Justice, an organisation that works with health care groups to reduce health inequities and centre anti-racism.

But, beyond the pill or injectable, there are additional levels of care someone receives when they start PrEP.

“They’re going to be seeing a provider every few months, they’re going to be tested for sexually transmitted infections that can co-occur with HIV, they’ll be checked for how they’re tolerating the medication, they’ll be counselled on any sort of sexual or drug use behaviours that may be associated with HIV,” Blackstock said.

“So, I just think of it as sort of a bundle of care to help people who are HIV-negative stay HIV-negative,” she added.

A daily pill treatment can reduce your risk of becoming infected with HIV.

The marketing of PrEP, along with misinformation, has created the inaccurate idea that cisgender women can’t take the medication.

Through no fault of their own, many cisgender women do not know that PrEP is a medication they can use to reduce their risk of contracting HIV.

“Because PrEP has been historically heavily marketed to men who have sex with men … it really gave the impression that PrEP was not something that … cisgender women could take, and unfortunately, this is sort of reinforced by many health care providers.” Blackstock said, “I’ve heard stories of women saying, ‘Well, my doctor said this is something only gay men take or that I can’t take it if I’m pregnant or if I’m breastfeeding or if I’m trying to get pregnant.’”

(For the record, oral PrEP is safe for use in people who are pregnant, breastfeeding and trying to get pregnant.)

“So, there’s a lot of misinformation also from health care providers as well,” Blackstock noted.

The misinformation combined with the lack of marketing toward cisgender women has led to a low uptake of PrEP among this group, Blackstock said. Black women, who account for half of new HIV infections in women, are on PrEP even less.

When asked why this is the case, Blackstock said “it’s multifactorial.”

“Some of that has to do with women, particularly Black women thinking that they may not be at risk, so sort of low perceived risk of HIV, but it’s also because a lot of women may not be aware of PrEP because it’s something that health care providers aren’t talking to them about or offering.”

Additionally, it may have to do with health insurance coverage. “We know that the South is the epicentre of the HIV epidemic [and] there are many states in the South that haven’t expanded Medicaid, so for various reasons, Black women may not have access to PrEP,” Blackstock added.

Shankaran noted that for uninsured or underinsured people, there are still options.

“You can get access to medications, either via the CDC, they have something called a Ready Set PrEP program, as well as the manufacturer, they have programs where they can help you get medications, even if you are uninsured,” Shankaran said. (Keep in mind that everyone won’t qualify for these programs.)

PrEP is a powerful tool that puts women in control of their health.

You can take PrEP for as long as you are at risk of contracting HIV, Shankaran said, and you can stop taking it when you are no longer at risk. You can also pick it up again if necessary.

Additionally, you don’t have to go to an HIV doctor of infectious disease doctor for the medication. “Your primary care physician can prescribe it, some places family medicine [can prescribe], adolescent clinics [and] some places GYN clinics will prescribe it,” Shankaran said.

What’s more, you’re given peace of mind when you properly take PrEP.

“The really wonderful thing about PrEP is that it’s user-controlled, a woman can take it with or without her partner’s awareness and knowledge — some women may be in a situation where it may not be safe to share with their partner that they’re taking PrEP, but it allows a woman to protect herself,” Blackstock noted.

And just to underscore this point: PrEP is for people of all gender identities and sexual orientations and is an immensely valuable way to stay HIV-free.

This Is Why ‘No Nut November’ Isn’t Actually Good For You

Posted on 11/11/2023 by Boris Clair

As ‘No Nut November’ rolls around again, abstinence from masturbation is a common topic of discussion this time of year.

If you’ve never heard of it before, the challenge is all about abstaining from ejaculating – with a partner or otherwise – for the entire month, with some believing it’s good for male health. And it’s pretty popular – on TikTok, the hashtag #NNN (short for No Nut November) has 15.5 billion views.

What is No Nut November?

According to the Reddit thread r/nonutnovember, the rules for taking part are strict: no masturbation, at all, throughout the month of November.

“Akin to trends like No Shave November, No Nut November is an event where those who have found it hard to go even a few days without masturbating attempt to challenge the dependency, and go the entire month without making the bald man cry,” reads the Reddit community’s About section.

Is ‘nutting’ a lot a problem, then?

That’s the thing – it’s not, really.

Gigi Engle, a sex and relationships psychotherapist and lead intimacy expert at the dating app 3Fun, argues there is “no such thing” as being dependent on masturbation in the first place.

“It’s the same thinking that masturbation is addictive, porn is addictive, sex is addictive. There is absolutely no reputable science that reflects this school of thought,” she tells HuffPost UK.

Neither sex addiction nor porn addiction is recognised in the DSM-5, and the NHS also says that experts disagree on whether or not one can be medically addicted to sex and masturbation, saying: “Some sex and relationships experts believe people can become addicted to the enjoyable feeling or ‘high’ experienced during sex and sexual activity, but others disagree.”

So, why are men putting themselves through it?

The No Nut November Reddit community says “some do it just for the memes”, while others do it for actual self-improvement.

In 2019, u/yeeval, a moderator on the subreddit group doubles down on this, telling Rolling Stone: “In my opinion, most originally participate in NNN for the meme aspect of the challenge but as the days go on people begin to see how big their porn or masturbation dependency is.”

He continues to explain that No Nut November isn’t a political movement, neither is it anti-porn or anti-women.

“In its most simple form NoNutNovember [is] just a fun internet challenge that has grown in popularity due to many memes that circulate the internet…

“However, I also think that the reason that it has become so widespread is that it has given many the opportunity to look within themselves and realise that they might be relying on masturbation and porn for comfort.

Another reason No Nut November is believed to exist is thanks to a now retracted 2003 study. In this, a claim was made that abstaining from masturbation could spike testosterone.

However, since the study’s retraction, researchers have been unable to replicate the findings. In fact, criticism of the data surrounding heightened testosterone says that it’s janky at best because of small sample sizes and mixed results.

Is month-long abstinence a good idea?

Engle claims people who participate in ‘semen retention’ have shown consistently higher levels of depression and anxiety, she says: “This is because you’re building up a lot of stress, you’re not getting a release that can cause a lot of tension. There’s also a really big shame component.

“For people who believe in ‘semen retention’, if they do masturbate or if they watch porn, they are flooded with feelings of shame afterwards. And this can lead to detrimental mental health.”

Reed Amber, sex educator, sex worker activist and host of the podcast F**ks Given says, “No Nut November promotes this idea that you are masturbating too much, or that you’re using porn too much, which I think is a really dangerous concept to have when people haven’t actually spoken to professionals, or therapists or doctors about the type of behaviours that they are having.”

“Porn isn’t bad,” she continues, “but we can have bad habits revolving around porn, it’s about asking yourself, why you are masturbating?”

However, if participants are signing up in the capacity u/yeeval say they are, then isn’t that a good thing?

The answer, it seems, is complex.

Amber explains that a normal masturbation routine looks different to different people. “Some people need to masturbate once a month, and other people need to masturbate six times a day. And both those versions can be healthy, it just depends on where your mind is, and why you are masturbating,” she says.

There are now myriad studies that show masturbation to be a normal, healthy part of sexuality, even if you’re doing it multiple times a day. So long as you aren’t causing yourself distress, or inflicting distress upon others, there really isn’t anything to worry about.

“For the most part, porn can be used as a really healthy, exciting, beautiful tool for people and their pleasure,” says Amber. “Some people go through phases of using it unhealthily, just like we can do with binge-watching TV shows, or eating the wrong kinds of food or going to the gym too much.”

This is echoed by Engle, who says, “This whole idea of trying to ‘break your dependency’ and challenge yourself to not doing it is based on nonsense.”

Truth be told, regular masturbation has vital health benefits for men.

The health benefits of regular masturbation

Bima Loxley, a Sex and Relationship Therapist and Sexologist, explains to HuffPost UK that “For people with penises, it is generally healthy to ejaculate at least once a week for different reasons, however, more research needs to be done on this.”

Currently, research shows that clearing the prostate, a natural byproduct of masturbation, can decrease the risk of prostate cancer. This is because regular masturbation clears the prostate of fluid build-up that could contain inflammatory matter, cancer-causing material and infection.

In England, over 44,000 men are diagnosed with prostate cancer every year, according to findings by Prostate UK.

Prostate health can also be linked to erectile dysfunction (ED). In a study conducted by the International Journal of Clinical Practice, 41.5% of participants reported experiencing erectile dysfunction. It is believed that 10-20% of all erectile dysfunction cases are caused by mental health stressors, such as performance anxiety or chronic stress. It is believed that these symptoms can be alleviated through masturbation, by building confidence.

So, should you do No Nut November, or no?

While nobody should ever feel coerced into masturbation if they don’t want to engage in it, it does have medical benefits for the body and mind.

Whereas abstinence from masturbation under the guise of enhancing masculinity by boosting testosterone levels has proven to be detrimental to mental and physical health, as well as being scientifically debunked.

“Porn and masturbation aren’t the problem — it’s our society and how we use it,” says Loxley.

The key takeaway is that shame and stigmatising masturbation is unhealthy. Questioning why we might be masturbating and being introspective about our consumption of pornography isn’t necessarily all bad, especially if we’re worried about compulsive behaviour.

So if you did want to have a good ol’ wank in November, go for it. And if you feel like you need to address some compulsive, sexual behaviours – the NHS has a list of recommended resources and support is available.

Let’s Talk About Luxury Sex Toys – What’s All The Buzz About?

Posted on 04/11/2023 by Boris Clair

Today marks national sex toy day, and — coincidentally, my birthday.

I can think of no better way than to celebrate my 32 sky-dancer-like spins around the sun, than getting to the bottom of the luxury sexy toy biz. Pun intended.

There’s no denying that the sex toy market is booming, and is expected to be worth over $80 billion by 2030. With more and more people experimenting with luxury sex toys, I wanted to know what all the buzz was about. Can they really enhance our pleasure?

Truth is, I started my sex toy collection with three humble toys. The mains-powered LoveHoney wand, which is now quite old and a bit loud. My simple LoveHoney silicone g-spot dildo and not forgetting, my Satisfyer 2.0. Without fail, these simple and relatively inexpensive tools have been able to get me off consistently for years.

That being said, I can’t deny I haven’t found myself almost salivating at the shop windows of brands that promise the most Earth-shattering orgasms. This is how, one dreary evening, I found myself surrounded by a selection of world-class and award-winning vibrators, wands, g-spot massagers, clit suckers and glass dils, ready to take on the luxury market.

In my bedroom, surrounded by what can only be described as a haul of the most indulgent proportions, I spent two weeks testing each and every one, to find out which ones are better left out of your shopping basket, and which ones give you bang for your buck.

Luxury ‘Clit Suckers’ and Oral Sex Simulators

Womanizer Premium 2 Rechargeable Smart Silence Clitoral Suction Stimulator

First up is the Womanizer. Made popular by Lily Allen, the Womanizer is a premium bit of kit. And, it doesn’t disappoint. For a clit sucker, it has seriously rumbly vibes, and within 10 seconds my soul has left my body in a back-bending orgasm.

If you’re looking for a very quiet toy, this one is pretty good unless you like things turned up to 11. Nevertheless, it’s easy to see why this has the price tag it does, and as much as I hate to be unfaithful to my regular, it does leave it in the dust.

Next up is Lelo Sona 2 Travel, which is more compact. This palm-sized powerhouse delivers, in and out of the bath, which I loved. It’s super quiet and has a much more focussed head which, for me, works out well if you’re looking to get off quickly.

While these two come in at a pricey £169 and £89 respectively, they certainly feel worth it. However, if you’re looking for something more affordable, then my old fave the Satisfyer 2.0 is a great option, as is Cindy from HANX, (£47.95 and £59.99).

Last up, is the bullet-cum-oral-sex-simulator Amour from Je Joue. This is unlike anything I’ve used before. Coming in at a pretty reasonable £59.99, the silicone is super soft and, with various settings aside, is an extremely versatile toy.

This would be perfect for someone who prefers a slow build and a fluttery sensation, rather than something more intense (sensitive girlies, I’m looking at you). However, I found turning it on its side delivered targeted vibrations that ended in leg-shaking pleasure.

For me, the clear winner was the Womanizer, which in all honesty, I haven’t been able to put down.

G-Spot Massagers of All Shapes And Sizes

Strap in, folks.

On my list to try was the *stunning* Biird X PURE Gii vibrator, and when I tell you this toy is quiet, I mean whisper quiet. Clocking in at £90, this g-spot massager is slim fitting, with a perfectly angled head. It’s not too long and is great for someone who doesn’t necessarily need to feel “full” to reach climax. It’s also quite tame. Think, less rumble, more fizz.

While I didn’t love this toy, it certainly came down to preference rather than the design or strength. If you love collecting toys that have gorgeous designs, then it’s definitely worth the cash.

Up next was Hot Octopuss’ Kurv. This is a deep, dual-motor toy which has fantastic customisation for a really personalised feel, so you can switch it up depending on what kind of mood you’re in. Coming in at £89.95, this baddie really blew me away and is without a doubt worth the investment.

If you’re looking for something that sits somewhere between the two in terms of buzz, has a pliable and slim feel, and comes in a little cheaper, then the Lennon by Knude Society (£60) is a great option.

Wands and Bullets

LeWand Rechargeable Massage Wand Vibrator

Now, my trusty LoveHoney wand might be strong enough to make my entire bed rock, but opening up my package from LeWand was about to rock my entire world.

Unlike my trusty plug-in, the head is soft and smooth and still delivers deep, rumbling sensations. It’s a lot quieter too. A lot. There are also no cords to get tangled up in either as it can be used completely wirelessly, though I don’t think it’s as powerful. In any case, it’s the first wand I’ve found that rivals my LoveHoney wand.

I love wands. They’re great for solo play, but they’re brilliant partner play companions too, because — to put it frankly, it’s hard to miss with them. They have a broad head, and can be used on all kinds of genitals. So whoever your partner is, you can make sure they (and you) are having a blast.

LeWand is an investment at £129.99. But my god, what an investment it is. If you’re unsure about parting with that much cash, then the £54 LoveHoney wand is a perfectly good substitute.

I’ve never been a huge fan of bullet vibrators — and honestly, I’ve overlooked them. But, I’m not above saying I’m wrong. Especially when it comes to three bullets in particular. The So Divine Amour Lipstick Vibrator (£30), Love Not War’s Maya (£89.99) and Hot Octopuss Digit (£59.95).

Maya’s weight made it a really lovely toy to hold, and the cold metal was a pleasure to warm up against — if you like that kind of thing. Plus, it’s made from sustainable materials, which makes this a truly guilt-free wank. Whereas the Digit made it easy to use my whole hand and the toy thanks to its accessible design. But, what came up trumps for me was the Amour.

Top tip: Pair the bullet vibe with a glass toy from LoveHoney’s range for a perfect temperature play-cum-vibey duo.

Rabbits and Dual Vibrators-cum-clit-suckers

Nothing could prepare me for Je Joue’s Hera Flex (£109). Now, I love a rabbit toy, but I’ve never used one quite like this. The soft silicone is pliable, which means you can get the toy to fit you, rather than trying to fit it. It was so easy to slip into a hazy, glowy vibe, emerging pink-cheeked and gasping. To be quite honest, it’s the best rabbit I’ve ever used.

However, coming in a close second was So Divine’s Black Magic Vibrator for one reason. Its shape is fuller. To me, this felt like a much more natural design, and the handle is easy to hold, too. It also comes in at a fraction of the cost at just £65.

My least favourite, which I was surprised by, was the Lelo Enigma. No doubt, for the right kind of anatomy — this would be a body-bending toy. But I found it an awkward fit and it cost a whopping £189.

If I was to pick one out of the lot?

OK, so I couldn’t. But, here’s my top four.

LeWand, Hera and Sona 2 Travel and Amour. If you’re looking for guaranteed pleasure, these should be added straight to basket.

As for whether they’re worth the cash. Yes, and no.

The thing is, pleasure to me should be accessible. And, while all of these toys were deliciously indulgent, made from the smoothest of body-safe silicones; are waterproof and are rechargeable, there are plenty of cheaper toys on the market that will get you to where you want to get to. Plus, there’s no shame in rubbing up against a couch arm, using your hands or a shower head.

So, if you’re building your toy box, trying sex toys for the first time or unsure of what you like, my advice would be to start with something affordable. Explore different sensations and tap into what makes solo sex feel so good before making a hefty investment. Then, when you’re feeling a little bit more confident in what you know you enjoy, treat yourself to something off this list. You won’t regret it.

For the wanking pros amongst us, a little bit of luxury never hurt anyone and there’s something to be said for a toy that not only performs well but looks gorgeous. We eat with our eyes, after all.

Whatever you decide to use in the bedroom, engaging with your sexual wellness and connecting with your pleasure can only be a good thing. Luxury sex toy, or no.

WellnessMaster

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