5 Signs Your Co-Worker Might Be A Narcissist (And How To Deal)

Posted on 14/04/2022 by Boris Clair

Throughout your career, you will encounter difficult co-workers who drain you, bore you and annoy you. But a narcissistic co-worker is one of the worst types to deal with.

They are insecure and cannot handle criticism. They can make their failures seem like they’re your responsibility, hurting your self-esteem to boost their own. And according to Marie-Line Germain, a professor of human resources and leadership at Western Carolina University and author of “Narcissism at Work: Personality Disorders of Corporate Leaders,” narcissists often find “safe havens” in the workplace.

“They very often end up in very top positions in organizations because they are smart, they are able to manipulate others,” Germain said. “The workplace is perfect for that. If they do well, they will be recognized. They will get a promotion. They will be looked at as prestigious. That’s not necessarily something they can get from their personal relationships.”

According to the American Psychiatric Association, the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder can include an inflated sense of self-importance, fantasies of perfection and superiority, a sense of being special and unique, a need for praise and attention, a strong sense of entitlement and a tendency to exploit others.

It’s important to note that it’s up to trained professionals to make an official diagnosis, but knowing how a narcissist operates can help you learn to set hard boundaries when you’re forced to team up for a project with someone who seems to fit the profile.

Here are the big differences between a co-worker with a need for admiration and high confidence in their abilities and a co-worker who’s exhibiting narcissistic traits:

1. Confident colleagues are OK with others being the center of attention. Narcissists always have to have the last word.

Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and executive coach who works with people who have dealt with narcissistic abuse, said that a need to steal your thunder is a hallmark trait of narcissism in self-aggrandizing co-workers. They may talk over you or interrupt you frequently, she said.

Confident colleagues can celebrate your success and want to see their co-workers shine, while a narcissistic colleague will insert themselves into “any topic, even if it is completely irrelevant, and they will hijack and make it about them,” Neo said.

2. Narcissists are charismatic charmers — until your relationship no longer serves them.

At the beginning of a work relationship, narcissists are good at impressing and manipulating their targets to feel like the center of attention, Germain said. But when you stop helping them feel superior and important, don’t be surprised if you see a sudden change in their attitude toward you, even if it’s months or years later.

“You may feed their needs, so there is no need for them to display any of those negative signs,” Germain said. “It’s when trouble brews for them that they start showing all of the negative behaviors.”

3. They believe the ends justify the means, and display a consistent lack of empathy to colleagues.

Germain finds the lack of empathy to be a cornerstone of narcissism, one that distinguishes narcissistic co-workers from merely confident ones. They do not care if their success comes at your expense, and they may steal your ideas.

“They will do anything for that prestige, that power,” Germain said. “It doesn’t matter if they have to steal your ideas to appear as brilliant.”

“NPD individuals have a difficult time understanding the feelings of other people, if they even care to understand them,” she said, because “they are on a relentless hunt to guarantee their own narcissistic supply of attention, of approval, prestige, admiration, understanding, encouragement, power, perfection, money, sometimes even beauty.”

This lack of empathy can also manifest as selfishness, disregard and a lack of compassion for other people. Narcissistic types can use their power to belittle and harass you.

They may display disregard, in particular, when your repeated attempts to set “hell no” boundaries are not honored, Neo said.

“They will take every chance to erode upon your boundaries,” she said. “Trample upon [your boundaries] so that they can lower the bar at every successive attempt and train you to put you in your place, so that you… play the role that you are smaller and a lot more deferential to them.”

4. They can’t handle criticism.

Narcissistic colleagues don’t reflect on or own up to mistakes. They lash out when they hear negative feedback, because the way they perceive it, “you are not just criticizing their work, you are criticizing their self-worth,” Germain said.

They make you feel small to make themselves feel big. If a person loses control and gets angry at you for offering some constructive criticism, that’s a red flag for narcissism, she said.

5. Narcissistic co-workers believe you’re either with them or against them.

There is no neutral ground with narcissistic colleagues.

“They have a very dichotomous approach to life. It’s all or nothing. It’s either good or bad. You’re either a winner or loser,” Germain said. “They don’t do well with defeat.”

If you support a narcissistic co-worker, you are on their good side. “But the day you criticize them, the day you no longer support them… then you will cross over to the enemy side,” Germain said.

To deal with a narcissistic co-worker, do your best to limit your interactions.

Luckily, unlike with narcissistic bosses, narcissistic co-workers have less direct control over your career. But they can still mount smear campaigns and wreck your work experience if they see you as an enemy. Here are some tips on how to deal:

Withdraw. You have every right to set boundaries, even if a narcissist tells you otherwise, Neo said. Germain recommended limiting the attention and praise you give a narcissist.

Narcissists want you to engage with them and lose your temper. Sometimes, the best option for how to deal with one is to limit your interactions as much as possible.

“They love to see people lose their cool. Part of it is a power play. Part of it is a bit of sadism. They want to make you look like a loose cannon, so they can tell you in the future that you are being sensitive and difficult,” Neo said. “Don’t try to hold them accountable all the time. Accountability is what gets you suckered in.“

Document your own contributions. Narcissists are likely to throw you under the bus, so it’s important to keep track of your accomplishments on projects. “You may have to justify your own contributions. It’s sad, but it’s true,” Germain said. She recommended looping people in on certain emails and communications to increase the visibility of your contributions if you’re forced to work with a narcissist on a project.

Go to HR with the narcissistic abuse, and consider an exit strategy if necessary. If the narcissist is berating and belittling you, and you are losing sleep over it, you should take it to human resources, Germain said.

Unfortunately, narcissists tend to be high performers who are often valued by their organization. If a move to a different team is not possible, or if you feel like your complaints are not being heard, Germain recommends job-hunting elsewhere.

“It’s really hard to imagine that you as the victim need to leave, but that’s a self-protective tactic,” she said. “You need to remain proactive by not only recognizing the damaging facets of the NPD person on your work, but also on your well-being. Well-being must remain your focus.“

Lean on your support system outside of work. Germain said narcissistic co-workers are good at gaslighting you into feeling like you are the problem, so it’s important to find a sounding board with a loved one or a therapist who can help you see that “there is nothing wrong with you,” she said.

It’s Not Normal For Our Work Places To Leave Us In Tears

Posted on 11/04/2022 by Boris Clair

You’re reading Life-Work Balance, a series aiming to redirect our total devotion to work into prioritising our personal lives.

Finding a quiet toilet cubicle, a vacant conference room, or any corner of the office or work floor you can privately sob. Sound familiar?

Crying at work isn’t an alien experience for many of us. And since the pandemic, those who have been propelled to the WFH environment can weep away without shame and the judgemental glances of their co-workers.

It can be a cathartic experience, to let out your work frustrations and stresses before carrying on with your responsibilities. You might even have an open policy at work where all sentiments are welcome.

While it’s good to let your emotions out and express yourself, we must also ponder the question – should our work places be making us cry?

It’s no secret that employment, no matter in which form, is stressful and occupies much of our thoughts. But our employment isn’t supposed to dominate our emotion in the way it does.

Work under capitalism has terrorised our emotion – we’re forced to constantly be switched on, available, regulate our feelings on demand (think how often we have to suppress anger, indignation, sadness at work and put on a face), and offer ourselves as capital toward businesses much more successful than we as workers are.

So when it feels like we’re hamsters on a never-ending wheel, with the bills and responsibilities mounting on us, with little room to breathe, it’s easy for our emotions to overspill and reach breaking point – often ending in tears.

Lucy*, 43, from Northampton, can relate all too well to this. “In my 20s and 30s, I cried a lot at work, for various reasons. I was figuring out who I was and my work place often wanted me to be someone that just wasn’t my personality. I ended up in tears because my work kept expecting me to be more assertive and forceful, which is the opposite of who I am.”

But Lucy had to keep her feelings private because, she says: “I think they would have seen crying as a weakness or unprofessional and unbusinesslike.

“Our workplaces just expect us to navigate our own emotion without any effort to remedy any ill feelings.”

But, Lucy admits, it does also depend on your profession. “Some are better than others with helping people. My workplace also provided a certain number of therapy sessions per issue you were having but I don’t think a lot of people even knew about it.”

Similarly, for Nora*, 29, a deputy lighting director at a theatre in London, not only has her job left her weeping in the past, she doubts little would change if bosses were aware of the toll they had on her.

She tells HuffPost: “My work place made me cry because of severe lack of resources and time and constant pressure to complete goals by an unmovable deadline under adverse circumstances. I was regularly working 60hr+ weeks with minimal breaks, high levels of physics and mental work and increasing demands of productivity.”

Like many of us, Nora kept her feelings hidden.

“I didn’t let work see me cry, instead I removed myself to a private location. If they had seen I think they would have responded well emotionally, i.e being initially caring and empathetic but fundamentally no actual structural or practical changes would be made.”

The experience has left Nora with little belief in workplaces to care genuinely about their employee’s wellbeing.

“I think workplaces put on a show, in most cases even earnestly, of supporting our emotions and mental health but in practice don’t actually have any infrastructure or ability to back these up,” she says.

“Most middle management are not themselves emotionally equipped or trained to deal with mental health or emotional breakdowns and yet are expected to solve problems usually caused by industry wide issues created and perpetuated by those at the highest level.”

So why is work so emotionally charged and how can we have a better grip on our emotions?

Well, it’s due to the nature of work itself and not a personal failing, says wellbeing psychologist Dannielle Haig.

“The workplace can be highly charged emotionally due to the fact there are numbers of humans grouped together in an environment that can be highly pressured with difficult interactions, personality differences and deadlines and so on,” she says.

“You become so emotionally exhausted that you’re vulnerable to external stressors and can no longer control your emotions. This is a sign that you need to take a break, you need some recovery time where you are investing in yourself and allowing your emotional batteries to recharge.”

But emotions arise from somewhere. You might consider addressing the stimulus – is it a difficult boss, a toxic environment?

Haig adds: “If you are feeling resentment for example, then it is time to build your boundaries and to start saying no to others and yes to yourself. If you’re feeling anger, then it’s a signal for you to remove yourself from the situation and once calm, to approach a situation from a different angle. The more you lean into your emotions and get curious about them rather than just allowing them to happen or trying to stop them, the more emotionally agile you’ll become.”

In an ever precarious job market, compounded with the cost of living crisis, most of of us are hyperaware of our earnings and employability, we might even be willing to put up with mistreatment, regardless of its emotional and mental cost.

But we’re also protected by labour rights and, in most places, a nascent understanding of work place harms and toxicity.

If we’re left in constant tears, it’s okay to question our employers, table open discussions, speak to HR, and try to change the environment, instead of toiling away to our own detriment, emotionally and physically.

*Names have been changed.

Life-Work Balance questions the status quo of work culture, its mental and physical impacts, and radically reimagines how we can change it to work for us.

The First Thing Productivity Experts Do When They Wake Up

Posted on 11/04/2022 by Boris Clair

How you start your day can set the tone for everything that follows.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a morning person, there are easy, small steps you can do as soon as you wake up that can make a big difference in your mood and stress levels as your workday gets underway.

Here are some of the things productivity experts say they do to get weekday mornings off to a good start. Their answers were lightly edited for clarity and length.

I drink a glass of cold water.

“Every morning, I start my day with a big glass of ice water. Although it’s tempting to head straight for the coffee, when you start your day with ice water you’re rehydrating yourself after seven to nine hours of fasting.

“Rehydrating with ice water helps me feel more alert, and supposedly there are benefits like jump-starting your metabolism and helping you flush out toxins. To make this morning step a no-brainer — especially because I am not a morning person — I fill up an insulated tumbler with ice water and place it on my nightstand before bed. When I wake up, it’s right there and ready for me without having to make my way to the kitchen to fill a glass. Once I’ve had my glass of water, I enjoy a delicious cup of that life-giving coffee.” — Anna Dearmon Kornick, a time management coach and host of the “It’s About Time” podcast

I do a breathing exercise to get centered.

“As a night owl, the early morning club is not for me. These three simple habits have been helpful for me for many years now: daily affirmation, meditation and gratitude journaling. Once awake, I silently say a positive affirmation. Usually, it is ‘I am calm. Breathe.’ But, if I [know I’m going to be speaking publicly that day], the affirmation could be ‘I am confident.’

“Then, meditation or a breathing exercise follows to deepen the positive affirmation. It takes 10 minutes, but if I do not have time, I would just do a one-minute breathing exercise. I love doing ‘4-2-4,’ which is inhaling for four seconds, holding for two seconds and exhaling for four seconds. It helps the body relax and focus.

“Finally, my gratitude journal helps me set the intention for the day because I write three things that I do to make my day great.” — Samphy Y, productivity coach

I meditate, then review my schedule.

“I meditate and journal every morning before I begin work. This helps me relax and prepare for the day to come. I then review my schedule for the day and week, making note of work sessions, upcoming meetings and appointments. Lastly, I create a short list of my daily to-dos.” — Rashelle Isip, productivity consultant

I decide how I want my day to end.

“Start the day by setting your own finish line. We live in a world where work never ends. There’s always more you can do: another idea to explore, another request to consider, another step to take in that ongoing project, another lead to follow up, article to read or social media post to comment on.

“So in a world where work never ends, it’s up to us to define our own finish lines. What’s on my agenda? What does success look like today? What’s most important? How do I want to show up today? When we check in with ourselves first, we can set our own finish lines for the day, and we can celebrate when we cross it. Our brains find this much more rewarding, and are less prone to being tempted by other distractions that might derail us.” — Grace Marshall, productivity coach and author of “How To Be Really Productive: Achieving Clarity and Getting Results in a World Where Work Never Ends”

I write down my daily goals.

“The first thing I do after praying is write in a goal-setting journal. I write my daily goals, review my weekly and monthly goals and even set a few new ones.

“This is actually a newer ritual for me. It’s more holistic. Previously, I did very pedantic productivity things like ‘writing a to-do list’ only, but incorporating my prayer and affirmative work also helps me take [care] of my person.” — Lindsey Holmes, productivity consultant and CEO of Usable Tech Co.

I read and write to get in a creative headspace.

“I spend the first 90 minutes of my morning getting kids up and ready for school. But once I’m at my desk, I make sure to do two things: I read and I write a little in my ‘free writing file.’

“This year I’m reading through all the works of Shakespeare, so I read 3-4 pages in my collected works of Shakespeare. Last year I read through ‘War and Peace’ one chapter a day; there are 361 chapters. Then my experimental writing this year is about a single day in a character’s life, stretched over 365 bite-sized entries. So I write one of those (100-200 words). Both help me start the day in a creative space.” — Laura Vanderkam, a time management expert and author of the forthcoming book “Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters”

I do a spiritual practice.

“For the past 10 years, I’ve started my morning with the spiritual practice of Bible reading and prayer. I wake up before my kids, pour a cup of strong coffee, and spend about 30 minutes on my most important relationship — the one I have with God.

“Of course, not everyone’s spiritual practices look the same. But I’ve found that starting the day by caring for my soul helps me to remain peaceful and grounded when life gets hectic. It also helps me to start my day on my own terms. For the first 45 minutes that I’m awake, I don’t have to react to my kids, my clients or anyone else’s agenda. It helps me remember that, as a human being, I’m not defined by how much I get done.” — Katie Wussow, a business coach for creatives and host of “The Game Changer” podcast

I do something that brings me pleasure before starting work.

“For several years, I’d wake up and scroll social media apps, which is a horrible way to start the day. Finally, I just moved my apps off my home screen so I no longer opened them out of muscle memory, and, since my intention with opening Twitter first thing was to catch up on the news, I’d simply … open a proper news app instead.

“Once I’ve read the news and am a bit more awake, I pivot to the real nice way to start my day: doing a crossword puzzle (and, now, Wordle!). It’s a nice, gentle way to start the day that has nothing to do with productivity — these days, I don’t even make a to-do list until I officially start working — and everything to do with introducing a little pleasure into my morning routine.

“After the crossword, I putter around with coffee and podcasts and maybe even some knitting and/or ‘Real Housewives.’ Basically, I treat my mornings as my own time, free of the stress of work emails or too many Twitter takes, or even just limited to the most functional tasks like showering or taking the dog out, which allows me to start my actual workday in a focused and relaxed place.” — Rachel Wilkerson Miller, Vox senior editor and author of “Dot Journaling — A Practical Guide”

How History Still Weighs Heavy On South Asian Bodies Today

Posted on 13/03/2022 by Boris Clair

Walking home from secondary school with my sister many years ago, I spotted a London bus plastered with a depressing advert, solemnly warning of the dangers of diabetes. “What’s the big deal?” I asked rhetorically. “Diabetes for an Asian person is a regular Tuesday.”

Though I was being facetious, I wasn’t wrong. South Asians do seem more susceptible to diabetic conditions. According to Diabetes.co.uk, the likelihood of developing type 2 diabetes is reported to be as much as six times higher in South Asians than in Europeans, with a number of factors – mostly linked to lifestyle – believed to be behind this increased risk.

But have we also considered the role history plays here? Is colonialism another overlooked factor that contributes to South Asian bodies? It’s well understood that people can inherit psychological trauma from previous generations but, for many racialised people, there can be physical consequences, too.

Think back to GSCE history. You may have learned the Indian subcontinent was subject to many famines, with some particularly severe ones occurring under British rule. For centuries, up until India gained independence in 1947, starvation plagued the nation, in part a byproduct of colonial times.

The East India Company’s raising of taxes, policy failures (including a “denial of rice”), resources being deployed to the military, and droughts that were met with British inaction, resulted in the deaths of millions. In 1943, West Bengal saw the worst of it all, a famine in which up to three million people died of malnutrition.

Yet, famines in the British era were not due to a lack of food, but due to the inequalities in the distribution of that food, Nobel Prize winning economist Amartya Sen argues, linking this inequality to what he describes as the fundamentally undemocratic nature of the British Empire.

You might wonder what’s all this got to do with South Asians now? Well, not only was the “great famine” in Bengal only 79 years ago (for some, a part of living memory), but when a group of people are exposed to starvation on this scale, it can affect subsequent generations.

Dr Mubin Syed, a 56-year-old radiologist from Ohio who also works in vascular and obesity medicine, recently went viral on TikTok and Instagram for making this crucial link.

As he explains in his video, South Asians have a tendency to generate and store fat and not burn it off, amassing low lean muscle mass. This, he points out, is because South Asians are “starvation-adapted”, due to having to survive at least 31 famines, especially during the 18th and 19th century.

Surviving just one famine doubles the risk of diabetes and obesity in the next generation, even without a famine, according to a study by Brown university. The risk of cardiovascular disease increases 2.7 times for their grandchildren.

Dr Syed, whose research in this area for the past five years led him to these conclusions, tells HuffPost UK: “Exposure to even one famine has a multi-generational effect of causing metabolic disorders including diabetes, hyperglycemia and cardiovascular diseases. Imagine having an exposure to at least 24 major famines in a 50-year period.”

And the problem carries through to the present.

“In the modern era of abundance, it becomes an evolutionary mismatch. Our adaptation to scarce food availability is no longer suitable for our environment of food abundance,” he says.

So, storing nutrients was an evolutionary response to famine, but now, where scarcity is no longer a problem for much of the modern, western world, it creates a conflict, heightening our risk of certain health conditions.

“South Asians have a unique physiology,” Dr Syed explains. “For instance, we have higher body fat percentage and lower lean muscle mass. We have a six times greater risk of developing diabetes, one of the highest rates of diabetes and pre-diabetes in the world, and a four times greater risk to have a heart attack before the age 50. Furthermore, one in three South Asians will die of heart disease before 65.”

While our genes, inherited from our ancestors, can explain some of these predispositions, diet is another contributor – though not in a straightforward way. “It’s a multifactorial perfect storm,” says Dr Syed. :Genetics is one issue, but of course, lifestyle is always important. But, South Asians have to exercise twice as much as Caucasians to get the same health benefits.”

Dr Syed has been researching this area for half a decade

It certainly feels like Indians, Bangladeshis, and Pakistanis, who once made up India, are still reeling from the effects of colonialism, mentally and physically.

My family are certainly still feeling its effects. Though my parents weren’t around when the Bengal famine took place, their generation is impacted; my dad is diabetic while my mum is prediabetic, and this leaves me in a precarious position, too.

Another concern for the community is a lack of awareness about how our past informs our future. This is why filmmaker Phelan Chatterjee, 26, set out to create a short documentary, Straining The Rice that captures the trauma endured by Bengali people, told through the lens of a grandmother, Nana (not his own).

The London-based producer laments how little people know of the famine and how it affects us today.

He tells HuffPost UK: “I had a lot of conversations with Asian friends and family in the UK. I found very little mention or memorialisation of the catastrophe, despite the enormous number of people who died, and its effects today.

“The sheer number of lives lost, the brutal way in which they perished and the helplessness of those demanding change at the time. It’s difficult to come to terms with the fact that it’s not a part of our national conversation in any meaningful way.”

Phelan's film Straining the Rice includes testimony from Nana, who experienced the famine as a child. — Phelan’s film Straining the Rice includes testimony from Nana, who experienced the famine as a child.

Chatterjee questions those who say the famine was simply an environmental consequence, and asks why there’s no accountability for why such conditions were created.

“The protagonist of the film, an elderly Bengali woman says the famine sparked a great deal of protest against the colonial government of the day,” he says.

“This suggests there had always been a keen awareness of the links between policy choices and the famine. But frequently, I’ve experienced famines and similar events to be thought of as beyond human control.

“I wonder what a reappraisal of those policies might bring, and how that could inform the way we understand contemporary famines, global inequality – including health inequality – and climate change.”

Straining the Rice focuses on a family discussion of the Bengal famine

If schools, for instance, taught students about these historical atrocities and their contemporary implications on us mentally and physically, we might have a better understanding of how to navigate our lives now. Healthcare research and responses might even cater better to our bodies, as a result.

But, despite the risks and impact of inequalities on South Asians today, Dr Syed says it doesn’t mean ill health is inevitable for us.

“It’s not a doom and gloom scenario,” he says. “The risks are avoidable, we just have to pay closer attention to diet, exercise/fitness, sleep, stress and other substances.” This means how much alcohol and tobacco we consume, says Dr Syed, and for South Asians who enjoy it, consumption of betel nut or supari.

Nana remembers how beggars would ask for the starchy rice water

“Even our dental health,” he adds. “The key thing is awareness, getting regular check-ups, including lipid profiles, is critical. Do not assume you are healthy, as normal height/weight BMIs are misleading for South Asians.”

Many South Asians in the West who are told “colonialism was a long time ago” and not to “dwell on the past” will struggle with all these conflicting messages. We certainly can’t nor should forget a history that still continues to impact us. And there are many who still remember the harshness of colonial times.

For those who came before us, as well as ourselves, it’s imperative we keep educated and informed of our past and how plays a crucial role in our future.

The Cost Of Living Is Crisis Is Biting Single People Hard, Too

Posted on 17/02/2022 by Boris Clair

As the cost of living crisis hits the UK hard, there’s been a lot of focus on hard-up families struggling to pay bills, feed children and make ends meet.

But let’s not forget that the crisis is biting single people, too.

Single people on average are paying £7,564.50 a year more than their coupled-up counterparts on basic household outgoings, according to new analysis – a worrying situation considering living costs are only set to rise in 2022.

Ocean Finance has compared the typical monthly costs for single and coupled-up Brits including utility bills, rent and the monthly food shop, using data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS).

The analysis showed that household monthly bills are £363 more expensive for singles, with rent the biggest contributor.

A single person is paying, on average, £674 a month on rent in the UK and a couple only slightly more at £866 (or £433 per person). There is also a council tax gap – even factoring in the 25% single-person household discount, individuals with partners are paying considerably less than single friends.

This all adds up – with single Brits are paying an average of £630.30 more per month on outgoings than someone in a couple. The ONS estimates there are 7.9 million single-person households in the UK, meaning many are affected.

“The fact is, it is expensive to be single,” Nicola Slawson, founder of The Single Supplement newsletter, tells HuffPost UK.

“It is a totally overlooked problem that many people in relationships simply do not appreciate – and those in power certainly doesn’t seem to care.

Financial difference between singles and couples in the UK

Not being able to share your financial burden with somebody impacts all areas, says Slawson – from household bills, rent, council tax and insurance to the cost of furniture, white goods, and even the weekly food shop. “Most items come in sizes suitable for couples or families. For example, a ready meal designed for two works out cheaper than those made for one person,” she points out.

In turn, these expenses impact a single person’s ability to save for a mortgage and get on the property ladder, something she hears from her readers.

“There are increasing numbers of single people stuck in house shares even though they would love a place of their own but they simply can’t afford it.”

With the cost of living going up this year, the pressure on single people is only likely to worsen, Slawson worries. Take the issue of rising utility bills.

“If they live alone they have no-one to share the bills with and if they live in house shares, they don’t have total control over when things like the heating gets put on,” she says. “I know members of my community are feeling really anxious and are trying to work out where they can cut back but it’s hard.”

There is no shortage of advice being dished out on how to cut costs – partner with a friend, switch to a different tariff, even buy in bulk – but though usually well-intentioned, these tips don’t always help people, says Slawson.

“All the advice will say cancel Netlfix and go out less – but single people who live alone particularly need those things as they don’t have anyone to talk to at home.” But That respite comes at a price – Ocean Finance found single people pay £33 extra per month for multiple subscriptions to stream film and music.

Worse is the suggestion that single people should just go out and get a partner to ease the burden. “It’s not as easy as simply getting into a relationship,” says Slawson. “Many single people are actively looking for a relationship but struggling with dating apps and the sometimes toxic culture around dating.”

And she voices a final worry. “I think it’s also likely that it puts those in unhappy or abusive relationships off leaving because they are worried they simply won’t be able to afford to live alone.”

Best Non-Alcoholic Drinks And Spirits That Pass For The Real Deal

Posted on 19/01/2022 by Boris Clair

We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, HuffPost UK may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Non-alcoholic drinks have come a long way since the days of one or two beer choices – and nothing else.

Today, you’ll find non-alcoholic gin, rum, vodka, prosecco and espresso martini alternatives available to buy. And the beers have come on a bit, too.

It’s no surprise that businesses are investing in alcohol-free drinks. Almost one in three (32%) UK drinkers now “semi-regularly” consume low and no alcohol products, according to research by mindful drinking movement Club Soda.

And interestingly, alcohol drinkers are the main buyers of non-alcoholic products, rather than people who are 100% teetotal.

Whether you avoid booze all year round, you’re trying Dry January, or you just want to cut down a little, there’s plenty of options to fill your drinks cabinet. To help you stock up on the best ones, we’ve reviewed some of the more intriguing options out there.

Lyre’s Espresso Martini Set, 70cl each, £44.65 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“An espresso martini might not be the most obvious drink of choice when you’re not drinking, but hear me out. Picture this: you’re at a gathering and it’s getting late. You’re not drinking but your friends have been on the sauce all day (or night) and it’s starting to get loud. Very loud. Your energy levels are starting to wane; their voices start to grate. You need a miracle to stay up any longer. This is where the espresso martini comes in.

“Lyre’s espresso martini set features Coffee Originale (to replace the coffee liquor) and White Cane Spirit (a non-alcoholic rum alternative which has been chosen to replace the vodka). An interesting choice, but it works. The Coffee Orginale is rich with a gorgeous mix of spice and caramel, perfectly offset by the orange and coconut in the cane spirit. The recipe is simple to follow too: you need to add your own espresso or cold-drip coffee and vanilla syrup (but I leave the latter out as I don’t have any in the house). Delicious.

“For me, this may not be the non-alcoholic drink I have on tap, but for the right occasion and moment it would be a life saver.” – Brogan Driscoll, senior editor, commercial partnerships

Buy the set via Lyre, or both spirits separately on Amazon

Nozeco 75cl, £4.15 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“The Nozeco has the same sleek look as a bottle of prosecco, making it a great alcohol-free option to bring out at parties where people aren’t drinking.

“The first time I tried this was at a bridal party where none of the attendees were drinkers and it went down a treat. It still tastes good, like you’re drinking the real thing, but without the kick. I would definitely use in future for parties and gatherings.” – Faima Bakar, Life reporter

Buy the Nozeco here

Everleaf Mountain Non-Alcoholic Pink Gin 50cl, £19 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Call me basic, but I’ve got a soft spot for pink gin, though I usually consume it via a tinny in the park on a warm summer’s day, instead of at my desk in January. Still, the Everleaf version is low calorie and vegan – as well as non-alcoholic – so I decide that’s acceptable.

“When I take a swig to try it neat, I’m a little alarmed by how soapy it tastes. But when mixed with tonic and garnished with berries as recommended, the gin is transformed. Flavours of cherry blossom, rosehip and strawberry come through, but they’re perfectly balanced with piney juniper, and avoid being too sweet. I would never guess it’s alcohol-free.

“The classy bottle gets extra points from me, and I can imagine offering it to teetotal pals with hors d’oeuvres on the patio, or taking it along to a baby shower. I drain the glass and am dreaming of summer for the remainder of the afternoon.” – Rachel Moss, Life editor

Buy the Everleaf Mountain pink gin here.

Clean.Co Clean T Tequila Alternative 70cl, £16 (was £19) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“As someone who loves tequila based drinks – margaritas are my summer go-to – I feel unsure as I pour my first glass of this clean tequila alternative, drizzling the clear liquid over ice.

“However, when I catch a whiff of the agave-based ‘blanco tequila’, I feel I’ve judged too quickly and my first sip confirms it’s a real treat that closely mimics alcoholic tequila. I didn’t imagine an alcohol-free spirit could have such a similar taste.

“The green agave combines with aromas of oak and olive, sweet melon and subtle mixed fruits, all with a dry, peppery finish that catches in the throat just like my favourite tequila. It’s not only low calorie and free from sugar and sweetener, but vegan, and lactose and gluten free. For an alcohol-free margarita – or other tequila-based drink – this alternative works perfectly.” – Beth Mahoney, HuffPost Shopping reporter

Buy Clean T tequila alternative here

Caleno Dark & Spicy Non-Alcoholic Spirit 50cl, £15 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Rum is by far my favourite alcoholic beverage. White rum and pineapple juice? That’s a bit of me. While I planned to do Dry January this year, I failed on the first day, but I’m still intrigued to see what a non-alcoholic version tastes like.

“The Dark and Spicy alcohol-free spirit from Caleno has a very rum-ish smell to it. If I closed my eyes and opened the bottle, I would have sworn it was alcohol. And there’s an almost alcoholic kick to the taste, too. I drink it with apple juice and it’s almost as good as the real deal. Overall, I’m very impressed and would drink this again.” – Habiba Katsha, Life reporter

Buy Caleno non-alcoholic ‘rum’ here.

Clean.Co Clean R Rum Alternative, 70cl for £16 (was £19) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“I adore spiced rum and have high hopes for this ‘clean’ spiced rum alternative. Boy, am I impressed (as is my spiced rum loving fiancé who can be rather picky). When I unscrew the lid, we’re both note how warming and spicy it smells – much like a traditional Caribbean spiced rum.

“When poured over ice, the flavours of golden caramel, cayenne pepper and other (apparently secretly guarded) spices pack a powerful punch. It’s mildly sweet and wonderfully spicy; it works well drunk neat over ice or – as I found out – mixed with Coca-Cola or ginger beer for an extra kick.

“Like other Clean.Co drinks, it’s lactose and gluten free, and made without sugar or sweetener. In fact, the only downside is that it’s too easy to drink – somehow we managed finish off the bottle in just a few days.” – Beth Mahoney, HuffPost Shopping reporter

Buy the Clean R rum alternative here

**Strykk Not V*dka Non-Alcoholic Spirit 70cl, £12 (was £18) ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2**

“Who needs a real voddie when you’ve got Not V*dka? It’s got a serious kick to it! Sip this non-alcoholic vodka neat and it leaves a ferocious, fiery tingle on your tongue that lingers for an age. It’s like drinking your auntie’s homemade ginger beer, the one that burns (in a nice way!).

“Not V*dka delivers a heat akin to pepper sauce and after it’s finished with your tongue, the fire nestles deep down in your throat. For that reason I wouldn’t suggest mixing it with ginger beer. Coke, orange juice, cranberry and sprite as chasers – all of which I tried – will all add much needed flavour. With no artificial colours, no fat, no sugar it’s perfect if you’re watching your alcohol and calorie intake. And if you’re looking for subtle sweetness, Not V*dka Vanilla which has undertones of cream soda, might hit the right note too.” – Melanie Grant, audience editor HuffPost Shopping

Buy the Strykk Not V*dka here

Big Drop Brewing Co. Galactic Milk, 12 x 330ml cans £19.20 (£1.60 per can) ⭐️⭐️⭐️

“I have only really had Guinness when in Northern Ireland, where (according to the rumours) it tastes best. It’s never really been up to scratch when I’ve had it elsewhere. But I did find myself repeatedly sipping this low-alcoholic version, which was a surprise, especially since I am usually more of a gin ‘n’ tonic person.

“Significantly less bitter than the more mainstream version, it really does have ‘chocolatey notes’ – as per its online description – although the honeycomb elements don’t particularly come through.

“It’s definitely not as heavy as the original beverage, and it seems like it’s somewhere in between a soft drink and an alcoholic one in taste. Despite calling itself ‘alcohol-free’, the drink is actually 0.5% ABV, (so it does have a little alcohol in). It might just about satisfy any Guinness drinkers who have opted for a slightly damp January.” – Kate Nicholson, senior trends reporter

Buy the Galactic Milk stout here.

Sea Arch Alcohol Free Distilled Spirit 70cl, £19 ⭐️⭐️

“I’m sorry to say that this drink most definitely does not taste much like the real deal, even though it does come in a beautifully designed bottle.

“While relatively enjoyable – if you like botanical beverages – it lacks the really tasty punch I associate both with alcoholic gins and successful non-alcoholic substitutes. The unusual flavours of kemp, blood orange, coriander and cardamon do come through, but there’s nothing more substantial in the drink meaning it does end up a little too watery, in my opinion.

“If you were looking for a substitute for Dry January, this drink might just miss the mark – whereas if you’ve never really been into anything that tastes too alcoholic, this might be up your street.” – Kate Nicholson, senior trends reporter

Buy the Sea Arch alcohol-free gin here.

Birra Moretti Zero Alcohol Free Beer, 3 x 330ml, £10.99 ⭐️⭐️

“I am no fan of beer, the last time I tried an alcohol-free beer was nearly a decade ago and I’ve not looked back since. But I gave this one a go and was pleasantly surprised. It didn’t have the same bitter taste I remembered. It’s quite oaky and flat, the taste feels muted. So while I could keep drinking this without any unpleasantness, I’d probably choose not to. My partner who is an avid beer drinker however really enjoyed it and said he could be fooled into thinking it’s the real thing.” – Faima Bakar, Life reporter

Buy the beer here.

Abstinence Non-Alcoholic Blood Orange Aperitif 75cl, £12.79 (was £15.99), ⭐️⭐️

“Just like the drink itself, trying this zero-alc Aperol alternative was a bittersweet experience. Let’s face it, sipping this on a chilly January afternoon, dressed in four layers is not what this particular beverage is made for. That said (here comes the sweet bit), it was an uncharacteristically sunny day when I tried it out – and the packaging is beautiful. The drink itself, less so.

“The instructions suggest mixing 50ml of the aperitif with 200ml of soda water or tonic. I opted for soda water but the result was way too bitter for my palette. The boozy version includes Prosecco, which brings the sweetness – so adding a dash of Nozeco might improve things. I haven’t quite given up on being transported to a sunny terrace on a hot July afternoon minus the hangover, but when that day actually does arrive, Dry Jan will be all but a distant memory. – Matt Bagwell, Head of Entertainment

Buy the Abstinence Blood Orange Aperitif here

Why Millennials Are So Into Collecting Things

Posted on 19/12/2021 by Boris Clair

Fancy sneakers, baseball cards, comic books – there are many items people love to collect.

A Morning Consult survey from earlier this year suggested that millennials in particular are fans of collecting physical objects, as well as digital collectibles like NFTs (non-fungible tokens). Gen Xers were the second highest percentage of respondents who collect things. The survey also polled Gen Zers and baby boomers.

Of course, hobbyists have been collecting things like coins, stamps and books for generations. But is there something about collecting that might appeal especially to today’s young adults? HuffPost asked mental health experts to break down some of the potential factors.

There’s a sense of nostalgia and connection to childhood

“One of the reasons people collect is for the sake of nostalgia, or connection with something meaningful to them,” says Rachel Thomasian, a licensed therapist and owner of Playa Vista Counseling in Los Angeles. “Whether it’s art or dolls, there can be a connection to items. Often collecting helps people connect to their childhoods or a special time or person in their lives.”

In the early stages of the Covid-19 pandemic, many of us took a renewed interest in things we did as kids. For millennials, this meant tie-dying, doing puzzles and playing video games, among other things.

“A lot of people turned to ways to reconnect with their childhood,” says Jocelyn McDonnell, a licensed clinical professional counsellor and member of the cognitive behavioural therapy team at the Family Institute at Northwestern University. “Many millennials collected things as a hobby growing up – like Pokémon cards and sports cards. I think some people have re-looked at these hobbies for the first time during the pandemic.”

Collecting fosters feelings of accomplishment and power

“For some, there is a thrill and sense of accomplishment that comes along with acquiring an entire collection,” Thomasian says. “For us millennials, I can’t help but wonder if growing up with the catchphrase ‘collect them all’ and during a time when we sought to complete a collection of McDonald’s toys has something to do with our tendency to collect.”

She also pointed to the financial challenges millennials face with stagnant wages, rising debt and increased housing and healthcare costs that have become their reality.

“I bet there is a sense of accomplishment that comes from being able to buy and collect things that is deprived of most millennials,” Thomasian says. “Previous generations were able to buy homes more easily and feel pride in that, but when that doesn’t feel as much of an option, people can seek that same feeling from other items.”

McDonnell similarly notes that collecting can offer a feeling of power and achievement.

“Ask someone who’s really into collecting what they’re gaining from it – enjoyment, fun and maybe it’s a status symbol in some ways,” she says. “It’s the idea that ‘Maybe I can pay for this rare card now, but I couldn’t when I was 10.’”

There’s a feeling of hope in building a collection

Collecting can help millennials reconnect with the simpler and in some ways happier times of their youth. But it can also offer a sense of hope and promise for the future.

“Many millennials are weathering the effects of the second recession of their short working lives, which has had a very specific impact on their conceptualization of what paths their lives were supposed to take,” said Jenny Maenpaa, a New York-based psychotherapist.

A lot of millennials entered the workforce in a shaky economy that limited their earning potential, and may have found themselves in a similar position during the pandemic – but with more responsibilities like children and ageing parents. As a result, it makes sense they might turn to something from a more hopeful time.

“For many millennials, who grew up collecting POGS and Beanie Babies, the idea of collecting something tangible is comforting and represents a time when they felt more hope for the future and none of the existential dread that grips many today,” Maenpaa says. “Collecting items also implies that you still believe you will have a home to fill someday with things that matter to you, even if you aren’t in that position today and have no idea how you’re going to get there.”

There's a sense of accomplishment in curating a collection of items you love. — There’s a sense of accomplishment in curating a collection of items you love.

People are seeking comfort and control

“We all have an instinct to possess. It makes us more comfortable and secure,” says Shirley Mueller, an adjunct associate professor of neurology at Indiana University and the author of Inside the Head of a Collector: Neuropsychological Forces at Play.

A sense of security is something many of us have been craving amid the uncertainty of the pandemic. We need tangible rewards and proof that we have some power and agency in our lives.

“So much is out of our control during Covid that the little dopamine hit of collecting another item is especially rewarding and in our control,” says Rachel Kazez, a Chicago-based therapist and the founder of All Along, a resource to help people find therapy and understand mental health.

Indeed, the act of locating and procuring something for a collection can activate the pleasure centre of the brain, so this hobby can provide a feeling of comfort and stability.

“As a therapist I see more people collecting things as a way to comfort or self-soothe,” says Kati Morton, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Santa Monica, California. “Having things they love around them can help them feel more at home, or remind them of happier times. I have even had a few patients collect things as a way to always have ‘home’ with them because they moved a lot as children.”

Between 9/11, the financial crisis and the pandemic, millennials experienced a lot of stress and uncertainty during particularly formative years.

“The trauma and stress millennials have gone through during key times in their life makes them more likely to collect things as a way to self-soothe or comfort themselves,” Morton says.

Collecting can help people connect with others.

“Collecting objects might be for fun, because it is part of an interest or to fit in and be seen to be part of a ‘tribe,’” says Noel McDermott, a London-based psychotherapist. “Consuming is a core activity in our culture and overproduction of things is a feature of our times. Whereas collecting in the past was the preserve of the wealthy and idle few, it is much more widespread now.”

McDermott pointed to the large social media communities and groups of people who follow influencers who focus on particular collections or items. Being “in the know” and up to date with the latest trends can feel good, especially in the age of FOMO.

“I think millennials collect for both a sense of individuality and community,” says Meg Gitlin, a psychotherapist in New York and the voice behind the therapy insight Instagram City Therapist. “This may seem paradoxical but I think both are true. Many collectors are involved in larger groups with the same interests, but there’s also something ‘special’ about claiming ownership over something that’s hard to find and fully understand.”

She also believes that living through the major shift into the digital world and internet age might have something to do with millennials’ interest in collecting items.

“I would imagine that for people like me, collecting is a way to preserve an attachment to meaning in the physical world,” Gitlin says.

There are still online communities dedicated to selling and collecting Beanie Babies.

It’s a form of self-expression

As Gitlin noted, collecting can be about both communal connection and individual expression.

“Objects are an extension of ourselves,” Mueller says. “What we choose represents us. They define us as people and are a form of self-expression. Collecting in a specific area is the ultimate self-expression.”

Collecting vintage postcards might be a way to show your interest in history, travel and art. What you collect is a reflection of what you prioritise in your discretionary spending. Your interest in collecting could also be about a specific childhood trauma or defining experience.

“For some, it can be filling an emotional void,” says Gina Moffa, a psychotherapist in New York. “For any reason, the key is having an emotional attachment to the items and putting individualised meaning upon them. The key is in knowing and understanding which of these categories one may fall into when looking at the need to collect.”

They might be investing in the future

“Collecting can be a great way to make and keep memories,” said Kathryn Smerling, a New York-based psychotherapist. “However, people are also collecting to resell. It’s also entrepreneurial, not necessarily to hold on to things.”

Indeed, millennials have witnessed the ways collectibles can grow in value over time – including our own childhood toys like American Girl dolls and Beanie Babies. Collecting items can therefore feel like a form of investing.

“Our internet savvy leads us to up the ante on the search and gives us the skills to scour the ins and outs of the internet for the item we are collecting,” Gitlin says. “Additionally, I think our generation has seen how collectors’ items have gone up in value exponentially. We are able to enter the market for ourselves and buy something that could potentially (and likely) triple or quadruple in value.”

And now the investment includes digital collections as well – whether it’s cryptocurrency or NFTs.

“Digitally savvy, millennials as a group are in a unique position right now with collecting,” says Sue Varma, a psychiatrist in New York. “For the most part, millennials are not intimidated by geographic boundaries – in the art world or elsewhere – making their access to collectibles that much larger. In fact, they are leaning more towards the online art viewing and Instagram-only art collections.”

In addition to investing in potential financial growth, she notes that collecting can be a way to invest in yourself and your day-to-day happiness.

“Because of the pandemic, more millennials are spending a lot more time in their homes,” Varma says. “And they are willing to spend on art, sports memorabilia and collectibles to make their homes more welcoming.”

This Picture Of A Black Foetus Went Viral. We Spoke To The Illustrator

Posted on 07/12/2021 by Boris Clair

During medical training, in health textbooks, in posters or at the doctor’s office, we often see health conditions or body parts represented with white figures.

Many of these images seem outdated or inaccessible to large parts of the population. Now, one medical student has taken matters into his own hands.

Chidiebere Sunday Ibe, 25, from Ebonyi State, Nigeria, began illustrating Black patients, children and babies. Recently, his drawing of a Black foetus and mother has gone viral on Twitter and TikTok, amassing hundreds of thousand views and likes.

The image has clearly struct a real chord with people, especially those not accustomed to seeing their skin tones reflected in standard medical imagery.

The aspiring neurosurgeon wanted to show people what certain conditions look like for Black people – and also normalise the diversity of our bodies.

For some people, it was the first time they’d seen a Black foetus and many called for more representation like this.

When we spoke to Ibe about his illustrations, he told HuffPost UK: “This image was created like every other image, I never expected it to be viral. The whole purpose was to keep talking about what I’m passionate about – equity in healthcare – and also to show the beauty of Black people.

“I feel great seeing it going viral, I never expected it and it feels good that the message is out and it will challenge current systems.”

Ibe points out that we need to see more images like this, and more people behind the scenes creating them.

“We don’t only need more representation like this, we need more people willing to create representation like this, this would help make such images more accepted,” he says.

Chidiebere Ibe is an aspiring neurosurgeon.

For Black people working in healthcare, seeing Ibe’s images has meant a lot – it’s not often they see their race reflected in the industry. Rebekah Agboola, a 27-year old nurse from London, says the picture made her do a double-take.

“The image was shocking,” she tells HuffPost UK. “I’ve never seen a Black baby in an image like this before – it makes you take a second look. It shouldn’t be shocking as it’s a simple medical illustration. However, having started my journey into this world as a sixth form student looking at medical images, I didn’t commonly see illustrations of Black and brown people unless it was something to do with skin conditions and even then it was rare.”

Agboola says such illustrations go beyond representation to having a positive impact on people’s health and wellbeing.

“I think that it is important to make sure that there is more representation because it will greatly improve the treatment of our patients,” she says.

In August 2020, as part of Black Ballad’s weeklong takeover of HuffPost UK, Black women spoke out about the discrimination, microaggressions and substandard care they received during pregnancy, shining fresh light on the findings of a major motherhood survey, also conducted by Black Ballad.

“Routinely, Black and other minority patients do not receive the same care due to initial symptom presentation and if it is made clearer that our symptoms can sometimes look different and that clinicians need to give their examinations more thought we can help reduce this issue,” Agboola says.

“This picture shocked me but I was so glad to see it and want to see more.”

Rebekah, a nurse, has never seen an image like this before

Since the release of Ibe’s pics, the Royal College of Midwives (RCM0, has also said it will be amping up efforts to diversify.

Jane Bekoe, the RCM lead on its Race Matters programme, told us: “Positive representation of race is important in all aspects of our lives and society, because the world should reflect accurately all the people living in it. This applies just as much to portrayals of Black and minority ethnic people within healthcare, so illustrations such as this are a positive and necessary step forward towards real equality for us all.”

The RCM is working to ensure changes happens, Bekoe added, following its first celebration of Black History and Culture Month this year. In January 2022, it will hold a webinar on decolonising the midwifery curriculum, which will be led by the RCM’s student midwife forum.

Here’s hoping things do actually change.

Subtitles Are Key To The Immigrant Experience – They Helped Me Learn English

Posted on 27/11/2021 by Boris Clair

There are two camps of TV watchers in this world: team subtitles and team dubbing. I sit firmly in the former, because as Parasite director Boon Joon-Ho famously said, you can access a richer catalogue of culture if you overlook the “once-inch barriers”. But closed captions are also hugely helpful when learning a new language.

As a first-generation immigrant who came to the UK at six years old, I couldn’t speak the language, trailing behind my peers in my reading skills. But then I started watching TV with subs, consuming anything from CBBC cartoons to grown-up soap operas such as Neighbours and Home and Away, always with the captioning on.

Though it took me a while to be able to read quickly enough to catch the action, soon I did it effortlessly. In watching different worlds come to life on the screen, my own world began to widen as I understood language, grammar, punctuation.

Today, I enjoy subtitles because they enable me to catch details that are missed with audio-only viewing, but also because they deepen my connection to the English language. And I’m not the only one. Subtitles have closed the gap between cultures oceans apart.

One of the BTS band members, RM, who is the only fluent English speaker in the group, said he learned English through watching Friends and reading translated subtitles.

Adrienne Houghton, who hosts TV show The Real, also went viral when she shared a story of how reading subtitles as a child while her immigrant dad learned the language, secured her career success.

Many others, immigrant or not, can relate to the practice, whether conscious or subconscious.

The Friends cast helped RM – and many others – learn the lingo.

Initially launched for deaf people and those hard of hearing, subtitles have grown in popularity in recent times. In fact, recent research found that young people are four times more likely to use subtitles than older cohorts.

Four out of five 18-25-year-olds prefer to have captioning all or part of the time, according to the charity Stagetext. That figure for 56-70-year-olds is less than a quarter, despite this group being more likely to be hard of hearing.

And now, youngsters want more events to be subtitle-friendly. Stagetext’s research found that 45% of young people would go to live events if there were captions on a screen in the venue. Among over 65s, this figure was 16%.

There’s certainly an appeal in having text accompanying action, not least because of how impactful it can be for non-native English speakers.

Alp Ozcelik, who works for The New Yorker, grew up in Istanbul, Turkey, and says subtitles were “absolutely instrumental” in him learning English growing up.

“I was already learning English in school, but subtitled American TV was what really taught me the accent/correct pronunciation of words and the slang that I really couldn’t have picked up at school,” the 31-year-old project manager from New York says. “I also would like to credit video games with voice acting and subtitles here as well; they taught me a lot of vocabulary!”

Now, having subs is a habit Ozcelik can’t get out of. “I absolutely still use subtitles on all the TV I watch; it allows me to pick up more of what’s being said and also all of the names of people and places that sometimes get lost,” he adds.

As a child of the 90s and early 00s, Ozcelik says Friends and Gilmore Girls were big contributors his language lessons, alongside reruns of older American TV, like Married with Children and Cheers. “But I watched a lot of other primetime TV as well,” he says. “Sex and the City and Gossip Girl also come to mind.”

Alp Ozcelik learned English watching Friends and Gilmore Girls.

Like Ozcelik and myself, Steph Santa, a 24-year-old fraud investigator from Washington D.C, also picked up English by watching subtitled television.

Born in Peurto Rico, she travelled to the States when she was eight, where she had trouble learning English. But soon, from watching Disney shows and films, Santa was able to acquire the skill.

“When I was first learning English I had some knowledge thanks to my grandparents but I was nowhere near being fluent. The use of subtitles helped me learn how words are spelled and what they sound like,” she says.

“I remember alternating shows and movies in English with Spanish subtitles or Spanish with English subtitles until I was comfortable enough to put both in English.”

And like many others, Santa has carried on using subs, but wishes they were available in more settings. “I still use subtitles, it feels like I can’t hear what I’m watching if the subtitles aren’t on,” she says.

“I’m currently working on my masters degree and wish that the recorded lectures had closed captioning. I still struggle with some word pronunciations, but I think that’s a struggle any person that learned English as a second language goes through.”

Subtitles in lectures, or in cinemas or live events, would certainly be welcome, and not just to those who learned English as a second language, but for anyone who doesn’t want to miss all the whispers, the background detail, and the whole ambiance, not just the visual.

Sure, dubbing has it’s benefits too. But I will forever be team subtitles.

Young People Really Don’t Like Being Called BAME And This Is Why

Posted on 04/11/2021 by Boris Clair

If you’re a person of colour in the UK then the chances are you don’t much like the term BAME (which stands for Black, Asian and minority ethnicities). And you might not feel too good about the term “ethnic minorities” either.

BAME has long been a contested phrase, frustrating many marginalised people who believe it homogenises otherwise diverse groups under one umbrella acronym that doesn’t signify their varied identities and experiences.

As alternatives such as “racialised communities” gain more currency, young people have told a leading diversity charity that while they don’t like the term BAME, they do see value in finding a new unifying signifier to use instead.

The charity Blueprint for All surveyed 500 18-30 years olds in the UK to find out their views on the subject, with the aim of sparking a wider public debate and greater sensitivity in the way people of diverse backgrounds are described.

The survey found that 98% of respondents believe in the values of a shared language that unifies people from diverse heritages. However, there was no shared word or expression yet that participants felt represented them all.

Isabella Bromfield, 20, a student who took part in the survey, is one of many young people hungry for new words to describe themselves.

“I do not feel there is a shared word or expression that represents us, but I think it is important to have a shared language that unifies everyone from diverse heritages,” she tells Huffpost UK.

“This is a really important conversation to have in terms of moving forward on how to accurately, empathetically and correctly label people in the best way, so that they feel comfortable.”

Respondents to the survey felt uncomfortable with a range of existing umbrella terms commonly used to describe their heritage – 55% saying they felt uncomfortable with the term BAME, 52% with BME (“Black and minority ethnic”) and 59% with “dual heritage”.

The descriptors that people felt most comfortable with included Asian (74% of Asian respondents), Black (67% of Black people surveyed), mixed race (64%), brown (62%), and people of colour (61%).

Azaria Yogendran, a communications account executive of mixed South-Asian descent, 24, tells HuffPost UK: “I’ve gotten used to using the term BAME but I feel like it’s a term that makes race and ethnicity easy to allude to for people who are not from diverse heritages and who don’t know how to talk about race.”

She feels uncomfortable, she says, “about why I am placed in this group and who is placing me in it. I feel like it has become a term that is thrown around without remembering that each individual within it is very different.”

The term BME was originally coined in the 1970s when people came together to fight the racism and discrimination that was particularly prevalent within Black communities. The ‘A’ for Asian was added in the 1990s to represent both South and East Asian people.

More recently, BAME has been used by politicians and workplaces when talking about diversity and inclusion. And while the inception of BAME came from a place of unification, in the present-day context many point to its limitations.

While Yogendran appreciates this historic political significance to the term, in the same way that, politically, the label “Black’ included non-Black people of colour – she feels there is no modern-day relevance.

“I have read that the term was originally made to unite ethnic groups against discrimination in the 1970s, but it seems to have evolved from being used by people from diverse backgrounds to being used about them,” she says.

“I feel the term lumps together a large group of people who don’t necessarily have anything in common apart from not being white and there is an implication that those in the group are at a disadvantage.”

Her experience as a mixed South Asian British woman in the UK is completely different to someone of a Korean British or Zimbabwean British background, she notes – and yet they are lumped together.

“It doesn’t feel positive to be in this group, and it feels like your actual heritage is ignored, because you are swept up in a generalisation that implies anyone non-white is just that and nothing more. The most notable thing about your heritage is what you are not, not what you are.”

As mixed-race groups become the fastest growing ethnic demographic in the UK, people are wondering how this will affect the evolution of the terminology. But ultimately, says Yogendran, it should be up to the individual how they want to be referred to.

“I don’t think there’s a term that would encompass everyone,” she says. “Each person is different, so it would be a question each time to see what people prefer. Personally, I’d prefer to be referred to as someone of ‘mixed heritage’ or ‘mixed cultures’, because I’m a mix of Sri Lankan, Indian-Ugandan and British but I am not ‘mixed race’.”