This article idea was suggested by a Conscious Growth Club member. After a little reflection, I thought, why not?

I’ve seen every episode of every non-animated Star Trek series, including the original 1960s classic, The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager, Enterprise, Discovery, and the new Picard series. I’ve seen many episodes multiple times. I’ve seen all of the movies. I’ve been to a Star Trek Convention in Las Vegas. So I’m pretty well versed in Star Trek lore.

I met William Shatner (aka Captain Kirk) very briefly when I was in my 20s because we had the same lawyer for a while. That lawyer was helping me with a contract for my games business and Shatner with a book deal.

My ex-wife Erin got to be on the set of The Next Generation while they were filming the episode “Rascals,” and we bonded over Star Trek quite a bit in the early part of our relationship.

My favorite series is Star Trek: The Next Generation. Its seven seasons aired from 1987 to 1994, which was age 16 to 23 for me – a time of tremendous changes in my life, including losing my religion, moving out, getting arrested multiple times, some wild college experiences, and starting my first business. I watched the final episode of The Next Generation with my girlfriend Erin, who later became my first wife. I’ve never married a woman who isn’t into Star Trek – that’s a dealbreaker. If a woman doesn’t understand the essential communication building blocks that Star Trek references provide for a healthy, long-term relationship, we can’t be like Darmok and Jalad on the ocean.

Today my wife Rachelle and I still watch Star Trek often. Sometimes we play a “guess the episode” game, where one of us plays a random episode, and the other has to guess the exact title of the episode. Usually either of us can guess it well before the opening credits, sometimes within seconds. It’s a geeky game but fun for us.

A lot of my business and lifestyle decisions were actually influenced by my early exposure to Star Trek. One example was never having a job since The Next Generation ended – I decided to boldly go after meaningful work of my choosing and not to get trapped in hollow pursuits. Where did I get the idea to do so much personal exploration and experimenting? That’s my version of exploring the galaxy; for now I just have to do it without warp drive. Why is alignment so important to me? Because Star Trek helped me think a lot more deeply about how my values and decisions sculpt my character and how even small lapses can create big consequences.

The hardest part was realizing that the world I lived in didn’t match up very well with the values of the crew of The Next Generation. But I was happier when I didn’t give up, and I just kept reshaping my social environment to filter for a stronger values match there, full of people who value honesty, service, dedication, exploration, etc. I like people who take positive risks, not just for their own gains but for the benefit of others.

If you’ve never explored Star Trek before, in some sense I envy you. It can be an amazing journey once you get into it, one that really reshapes your character and your life path if you let it. It has affected my life more than any book I’ve read or seminar I’ve attended. Star Trek is probably the closest I come to having a religion.

To seriously answer the question about where to begin if you’ve never watched Star Trek at all, here’s my advice for dipping your toes in for an interesting taste of what it’s all about. Let me introduce you to it, if you’ll let me play that role for you.

In terms of series, I’d recommend starting with Star Trek: The Next Generation. It’s a very episodic show, so most episodes are meant to stand on their own. Some episodes, including many two-parters, carry a bit of a story arc, but for the most part there really isn’t a major story arc that carries through all the seasons. It’s not like Game of Thrones or Breaking Bad or other shows with a long story arc. The characters do change and evolve over time, but not nearly as much as you’re likely to see in more modern shows.

The nice thing about this is that you can watch just about any episode of The Next Generation as a one-off experience, and you don’t need the context of all the episodes around it.

There are just seven core characters on the show, so it’s not hard to keep track of everyone. The links go to the Wikipedia pages for the characters in case you want to see what they look like or learn more about them. They are:

1. Jean-Luc Picard – He’s the captain of the ship. He loves Shakespeare, order, and structure and is awkward around kids. Many of the show’s most interesting values conflicts involve him. Generally he’s a very head-based character with well-developed reasoning skills, but he can get pretty fired up and passionate about his beliefs and values too.
2. William Riker – He’s the first officer, second in command. He loves to explore, likes jazz, and has a playful, fun-loving vibe much of the time. He can be super serious and all business when the situation warrants though.
3. Data – He’s the android character. He doesn’t feel emotion, can’t use contractions (except on some episodes where contractions slipped through), and often fumbles with humor. He’s also one of the kindest and most generous characters on the show. His journey includes exploring his “humanity” while the ship explores the galaxy. He has a cat named Spot (which during the series inexplicably flips from a male cat to a female one, so they can make it pregnant in season 7’s episode “Genesis”).
4. Worf – He’s the Klingon character, a tactical officer and in charge of ship’s security, taking over this role when Tasha Yar dies in season 1. His #1 value is honor, and he loves to fight. Unfortunately he isn’t very good at his job since the ship incurs many serious lapses in security, but somehow he never gets fired. He also gets transplanted to Deep Space Nine as a regular on that show’s seasons 4-7, which further develops his character. Incidentally, the actor who played him, Michael Dorn, used to be a vegetarian, got prostate cancer, and then went fully vegan. I so wish he’d been able to realize his dream of a Worf-centric spinoff.
5. Deanna Troi – She’s the compassionate ship’s counselor who can strongly sense people’s emotions. She’s half Betazoid on her mother’s side. Betazoids look human but are from a different planet, and they have the ability to use telepathy (with each other) and to know what the people around them are feeling. She often advises Captain Picard and helps comfort people who need it, like when someone is grieving a loss. She was previously in a relationship with Riker (which is explored in certain books like Imzadi), and sometimes there’s romantic or sexual tension between them. She loves chocolate even more than Rachelle.
6. Geordi La Forge – He’s the chief engineer of the ship, mentally brilliant and highly competent but socially awkward around women he’s attracted to. He’s blind and wears a visor to help him see, albeit differently than people with normal vision. Think of him as the ship’s IT guy – same role as Scotty in the original series.
7. Dr. Beverly Crusher – She’s the chief medical officer and mostly hangs out in Sick Bay, dealing with alien illnesses, phaser burns, and other ailments the crew encounters. She’s a sharp and compassionate healer and also knows how to dance. Note that in season 2 only, Dr. Crusher is replaced by Dr. Katherine Pulaski.

All of the characters are single, although Dr. Crusher is a widower.

Their starship is called the Enterprise, and their mission is to explore the galaxy and make friends. They try not to pick fights with anyone, but they often have to defend themselves.

There are other recurring characters too such as Miles O’Brien (transporter chief), Q (an omnipotent sadist), Guinan (a wise bartender), and Reginald Barclay (an engineer with social anxiety). One of Star Trek’s strengths is the great guest stars who add flair and style to many episodes – Barclay (played by Dwight Schultz, an actor I previously knew as Murdock from The A-Team) is among my favorites.

Compared to the original Star Trek from the 60s, The Next Generation uses subplots more often, and it tends to move faster pacing-wise. Of course it’s more modern, but its special effects are more modest than newer shows like Discovery and Picard. TNG focuses more on story, dramatic conflicts, and character interactions and less on flashy combat sequences. I also think it’s easier to figure out the characters if you’ve never watched this show before as they tend to be crisply defined. I think one of the most interesting aspects of the show is just watching the characters interact as they seek to make intelligent choices in challenging situations.

I’ll share a list of some of my favorite episodes that I’d recommend starting with. This will give you an interesting deep dive into the show for a minimal starting investment. If you like some of these episodes, then you can decide if you want to go deeper.

First off, I’d skip seasons 1 and 2 for the most part if you’re a newbie. In my opinion The Next Generation doesn’t really find its footing till season 3. I still find seasons 1 and 2 a bit hard to watch. The final episode of season 2 (“Shades of Gray”) is arguably the worst episode of all since they ran out of money and just threw it together from clips / flashbacks of earlier episodes, so the plot of that episode is super thin.

There are a few decent episodes in season 2, namely “Elementary, Dear Data,” “Measure of a Man,” and perhaps “Peak Performance,” but otherwise I’d recommend starting with season 3.

So here’s what I’d recommend watching (in order) to get your feet wet with Star Trek: The Next Generation:

1. The Offspring (season 3) – I recommend starting with this episode for several reasons. It focuses mainly on just a few characters, and it’s easy to follow if you’re not familiar with the show. It’s one of the more tender episodes, so not a lot of action, but also with a bit of humor. It shows interesting sides of the main characters, especially Data and Picard. It’s one of the better episodes of the series and deals with a major values conflict that’s relevant today (state authority vs individual freedom). I’d say this episode does a good job of showing the heart of Star Trek that I appreciate so much. It also makes Rachelle cry every time we watch it.
2. The Hunted (season 3) – If you prefer a more action-based episode to start with, I’d recommend starting with this one instead. Otherwise you can watch it after “The Offspring” even though it’s a bit earlier in season 3. This episode also deals with a similar values conflict but on a bigger scale. It has a fun, fast-paced beginning involving a prisoner transport gone wrong. It’s one of those “things are not as they initially appear” episodes that reveals more as it progresses. I wouldn’t say it’s one of the best episodes, but it’s a good one for getting familiar with some of the core characters like Data, Troi, and Picard.
3. Remember Me (season 4) – This is an unusual episode that focuses mainly on Doctor Crusher (which makes it a really good one for getting to know her character). What I like about this episode is that it introduces a puzzling challenge that she has to figure out. It will also help you become familiar with different parts of the ship (Sick Bay, The Bridge, Engineering, The Observation Lounge, etc).
4. Clues (season 4) – This is another mystery episode that involves more characters than “Remember Me.” It’s one of my favorites of the series. It’s a fun one where the crew has to work together to solve a puzzle. What I like about this episode is that a crew member still tries to do what’s right even when it creates major negative consequences for him.
5. Half a Life (season 4) – This is a tender and thoughtful episode that addresses one of the many moral issues that Star Trek loves to tackle, in this case how to deal with an aging population that could be a burden on their children. Gene Roddenberry’s wife Majel Barrett plays one of the main characters in this episode. She also played Nurse Chapel in the original 1960s series, and she does the voice of the ship’s computer on The Next Generation.
6. Disaster (season 5) – In this episode the ship is badly damaged, and different characters have to face challenges that push them outside of their comfort zones. It’s a good episode for becoming more familiar with the core characters and seeing how they deal with problems.
7. Cause and Effect (season 5) – This is among my all-time favorite episodes. The Enterprise is caught in a time loop that’s slightly different each time through. The challenge is that once you know you’re stuck in a time loop, how do you escape it? What I like about this episode is how the crew must compare notes, learn from failure, and collaborate to find a solution.
8. The First Duty (season 5) – This episode is a deep dive into a nasty values conflict between loyalty and honesty. How do you speak the truth when doing so would betray people you care about? It also takes us back to Starfleet Headquarters on Earth.
9. The Inner Light (season 5) – This is another of my all-time favorites and Rachelle’s too. For many people it’s their #1 favorite. It’s very different than most episodes – a deep dive into Captain Picard’s character with a delightful ending. It aligns nicely with exploring subjective reality. Season 5 has a lot of good ones!
10. Schisms (season 6) – This is one of the scarier episodes, about as horror-like as The Next Generation gets. It’s kind of fun though as the crew has to figure out what the heck is going on while many of them are being abducted. I especially like the Holodeck scene where they try to reconstruct their abduction experiences visually.
11. Tapestry (season 6) – This is another Picard-focused episode, also starring John de Lancie as Q (an immortal pain in the ass who loves to teach the crew lessons). It’s about how experiences sculpt our characters. This episode aired about two years after my felony arrest, and it helped me make peace with some past mistakes. This is a good episode for anyone who’s afraid to push themselves.
12. Frame of Mind (season 6) – I fell in love with this episode the first time I saw it. It aired in May 1993 while I was going through college in three semesters (near the end of my second semester). I remember returning to my dorm room to watch the VCR recording after a long day of classes. I found it so fun and intriguing that I watched it twice back to back. It focuses on the character of Riker and how he handles a deeply disturbing situation. It’s another great episode if you’re into subjective reality. How do you know what’s real and what isn’t?
13. Parallels (season 7) – This episode focuses on the Klingon character Worf. It’s a “fish out of water” episode that sees him trying to solve a puzzle he doesn’t understand. It’s best to watch this episode after you’ve watched many others, so you have a baseline for spotting what’s out of place. It’s one of my favorites due to how it stretches the ship’s usual reality in different ways.
14. The Pegasus (season 7) – This episode mainly focuses on a character conflict between Riker and two captains who outrank him, forcing him to pick a side in a difficult situation. It shows how past experiences and self-reflection shaped his values.
15. Lower Decks (season 7) – This unusual episode juxtaposes the experiences of junior and senior officers, sometimes seriously and sometimes humorously. It offers a unique perspective on the ship’s culture and values. It’s a good one to watch after you’ve grown more familiar with the main characters.

So just start watching those in order, and see if you like it enough to make it through all 15. I would highly recommend that you push through and at least watch these 15 since it will give you a decent overview of what Star Trek is about, and it will give you much to chew on when it comes to pondering your values.

If you watch the above and like them enough to continue, here’s the second batch of 15 that I’d recommend next:

1. Elementary, Dear Data (season 2) – This episode has a Sherlock Holmes theme and has some playful plots twists. IMO it’s just an okay episode, but it serves as the setup for a much better episode in season 6, “Ship in a Bottle.” You could watch these two episodes back to back if you like Sherlock Holmes, but it’s fine to watch them with some separation as well.
2. The Measure of a Man (season 2) – Does a self-aware android have rights, or is it property? This episode explores AI rights from an interesting perspective. This episode should have warned us to start preparing for AI law decades ago, a field which will likely struggle to keep up with the rapid pace of ongoing development.
3. Who Watches the Watchers? (season 3) – This is one of Rachelle’s favorite episodes, dealing with interactions between an advanced society and a primitive one. When Rachelle and I walk down a narrow sidewalk where there isn’t room to walk side by side, or if we’re practicing social distancing as we pass by other people, we often walk Mintakan style. This is one example of how our shared Star Trek knowledge enriches our lives, sometimes in small and playful ways, other times in much bigger ways. To share these insider experiences as part of a relationship journey is one of life’s most rewarding delights.
4. First Contact (season 4) – In this episode Riker gets stranded in an alien hospital, and the aliens react much like humans probably would. When I watch this episode, it reminds me of how much further human society has to develop. It also includes one of the most playful scenes in the series.
5. The Nth Degree (season 4) – Here’s a fun episode that focuses on a recurring character with social anxiety (Barclay). This episode reminds me of various gains we can make from investing in personal development, such as increased confidence, while also warning of the risks of disconnection.
6. In Theory (season 4) – The android Data explores his first romantic relationship with a female crew member. It’s a sweet and endearing episode that Rachelle and I often quote, especially the “lover’s quarrel” scene.
7. Darmok (season 5) – This ridiculously quotable episode tackles a difficult communication problem and shows how important it can be not to make erroneous assumptions about intent. It’s definitely a fan favorite.
8. The Game (season 5) – This episode involves an addictive game and a conspiracy to take over the ship. Rachelle says I mainly like it because of my crush on Ashley Judd. She’s probably right. I also think it’s an interesting take on addictive behavior and how it sucks people in. Consider how many aspects of tech and society function like “The Game” today.
9. The Masterpiece Society (season 5) – Imagine the ultimate master-planned community based on everyone doing what they’re meant to do. Would it be resilient enough to endure? I like this episode due to its interesting themes, characters, and exploration of values, especially the clash of Eastern and Western philosophies.
10. Conundrum (season 5) – This is a fun episode to watch once you’re pretty familiar with the main characters. In this episode the whole crew gets amnesia, and it’s amusing to see how they behave when they lose their identities. How would you naturally behave if you lost the connection to your identity?
11. Ship in a Bottle (season 6) – Only watch this one after you’ve watched “Elementary, Dear Data” since it continues the storyline of one of the Sherlock Holmes characters. It’s fun!
12. Lessons (season 6) – I’d only recommend watching this one if you’ve seen “The Inner Light” first since there’s a connection between these two episodes. “Lessons” is a Picard-focused episode that explores the Captain’s character through a relationship lens.
13. The Chase (season 6) – I really like this adventurous episode, and it’s one of Rachelle’s favorites too. It’s best to watch this one after you’ve seen many others. It connects the dots between the different races/species. I like how it makes me think about how we’re all connected, even when we fight and disagree. It also has some good humor.
14. Rightful Heir (season 6) – This is a great episode for better understanding Worf’s character and Klingon culture. I love the character of Gowron, especially his intense eyes that could stare a hole in a bulkhead. This episode explores belief, faith, and leadership. It’s one of the most spiritual episodes of the series.
15. Firstborn (season 7) – This is another Worf focused episode that shares more insights on Klingon culture and delves into regret, loyalty, and self-acceptance. Of all the episodes that feature Worf’s son Alexander, this is my favorite.

This will get you to 30 episodes, which is still only 1/6th of the show’s 178 episodes. And there are hundreds more episodes of the other series too. I think these 30 should give you a wonderful mini-dive into the show and the Star Trek universe. Think of it like watching 3 seasons of a show that’s 10 episodes per season.

Watching one episode per day would make for a great 30-day challenge, right? One month from now, you could be reasonably well-versed in some understanding of the Star Trek universe. Even though it may seem mundane, this little investment could enrich your life more than you expect.

There is so much more to the show and the Star Trek universe, but these episodes are a great way to get started.

After these 30 episodes, if you like the show and want to get into it more, then I’d recommend going back to season 1 and watching all the remaining episodes in order. Just don’t let seasons 1 and 2 get you down since the show gets much better from season 3 onward. I’d say that seasons 5 and 6 are the best.

From there I’d recommend watching Deep Space Nine next, then the original 1960s Star Trek, and then Enterprise. Deep Space Nine is a really good series that also suffers from a weaker first two seasons, but it really picks up when it gets into a long story arc involving the Dominion War, and even moreso when Worf joins in the show in season 4. Then after these you could join the modern world by catching up on Discovery and Picard. Personally I think The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine are the best Star Trek series of all, especially in terms of interesting stories and characters.

Enjoy and prosper! 🙂

P.S. If you actually do this, let me know what you think and how it impacts you. I’m genuinely curious to know. Other than the original 1960s show, I watched most of these shows when they first aired, then rewatched many episodes over the years afterwards. I wonder what it would be like for someone who hasn’t seen any episodes and just starts getting into Star Trek today.

Sometimes people ask me about my stance on pets, so I’ll share that in this post.

My family had a pet when I was growing up – a rabbit named Cinnamon. Sometimes it roamed freely around the backyard, while other times they kept it in a large cage. I wasn’t the rabbit’s main caregiver.

At another time my first wife and I got a kitten. I don’t recall the exact year, but I think it was before we were married. We didn’t have the kitten long though. I found out that I was allergic to cats, so we gave it away to someone else, probably a few months after we got it.

We had the kitten in the 1990s in L.A. I might have been vegetarian at the time, or this may have been shortly after I went vegan. I think of my early vegan years as being mainly about the plant-based diet and not about the full vegan lifestyle. I hadn’t stopped using other animal products like leather shoes and belts at that point yet.

I also grew up in a neighborhood where neighbors on both sides had dogs, and I used to spend a lot of time at their houses, and I’d often play with their dogs. I also used to take care of a different neighbor’s cat when they were out of town.

So I have some experience with pets. I understand the value in having them. My views on pets have evolved a lot since I was younger though.

I know that animals can have interesting relationships with people, and I’m in favor of relating to them in ways that respect their freedom and dignity and provide mutual value. I’m also in favor of safety in these relationships when it’s necessary to consider it.

I’m opposed, however, to treating animals as property or to claiming ownership of them. I consider this unethical because it’s nonconsensual. Animals don’t grasp the human world of property and can’t consent to this aspect of a relationship.

I do feel that animals can consent to other aspects of relationships with humans. They can communicate in various ways, such as with movement, sound, and body language. This communication may not always be clear, but human-to-human communication isn’t perfectly clear at all times either.

I do feel that people can serve as caregivers for animals. Within human society, people can assume responsibility for the lives of certain animals. I’m okay with animals living with people too, with some caveats.

I don’t think it’s ethical to constrain animals in ways that disrespect their natural lifestyles and potential. Putting a fish in a fishbowl or aquarium seems very wrong. Same goes for putting a bird in a cage.

I don’t feel that humans are entitled to claim animals as property, whether for food, entertainment, companionship, or some form of service.

You are welcome to disagree with me. Obviously we live in a world where people do claim animals as property. Do you feel that humans are entitled to do so? What gives us this ability? I think the answer is pretty clear: Humans are stronger. We can use our bigger brains to dominate other species. And so we have done so. Does might make right?

I don’t grant humans any high ground of ethics to use this power. I don’t regard claiming ownership of animals as being substantially different from claiming ownership of other humans, which was also done based on dominance. People tried to justify this after the fact with various moral twists, and they don’t hold up.

I think if you’re going to claim ownership of an animal anyway, it’s best to be clear about that relationship. You can do that because you’re dominant. The animal doesn’t have much say in the matter. It cannot give informed consent. You can just take its life and do as you wish with it. Whatever you do after the fact to justify that is your own moral twisting to make yourself feel better about the decision.

You can still love the animal. You can take good care of it. You can mourn it when it dies. You can consider it part of your family. Just note that people have had similar relationships with other people they’ve regarded as property too.

You can do your best to convince yourself that it’s an equitable and consensual relationship, but the ownership aspect is still going to infect that relationship, which will corrupt the relationship to some extent.

That said, you can still have nice relationships with animals without the entitlement of ownership that comes from dominance. You don’t actually need to claim ownership of them.

You can still pretend to claim ownership of an animal for the sake of navigating the human world legally and socially. Pay lip service to that idea to the extent necessary for keeping animals that you care about safe from harm. You may have some tricky decisions to make there, but I think you could make this work.

Claiming ownership of animals damages our relationships with them. You can have better relationships with animals when you don’t try to own them as “my dog” or “my cat.” Bring more respect to your relationships with them instead.

Hummingbirds often fly around where I live. They’re the closest animals I have to pets right now – and lizards too I suppose. I don’t claim ownership of them, but I still enjoy their company. I’ve even pet one of them before. I would never want to cage one though. A hummingbird needs to live a hummingbird’s life – outdoors with the trees and flowers. It’s not my place to disrupt their lifestyles.

How would you feel if a more intelligent AI claimed ownership of you? What if the AI wasn’t even that smart… just smart enough to dominate you? Would it be okay for the AI to control more parts of your life without your consent? Should it constrain your movement to keep you safer? Should it prevent you from having sex to avoid potential problems that could cause?

Do you give animals the same risky freedoms that you’d want for yourself?

A purposeful life and career path doesn’t usually show up all at once. You create it over time by incrementally leaning into experiences that feel more meaningful and purposeful. It’s a lifetime pursuit.

Disappointment is your friend here. Where have you been dissatisfied with some part of your life that wasn’t meaningful enough? Identify where you fell short. Then basically invite more of the opposite into your life.

Here are some personal examples.

At one point I felt disappointed that my business wasn’t purposeful enough. I started out by creating arcade style shoot-em-up games. That was fun and interesting for a while, but eventually I felt that the games didn’t provide much real benefit to people other than some temporary entertainment value. This gave me a letdown feeling, which I didn’t like. My response was to lean into developing and publishing more cerebral games that involved solving challenging mental puzzles. It felt more purposeful to give people a good mental workout and to challenge myself more as a game designer. My satisfaction in running the business increased as I made this shift. And the feedback I received from players showed me that they appreciated this change as well. This helped me see that pursuing more meaning and purpose, which are really feelings within myself, could also create wins for other people.

Eventually I grew less satisfied with the whole field of entertainment software. Even giving people a mental challenge wasn’t enough after a while. Once I had a taste of purpose, I wanted to do more for people. So I began exploring other outlets for contribution on the side for free, such as speaking at conferences and writing articles to share knowledge and insights. These activities felt fulfilling and meaningful, so I gradually did more of them. About five years later, this led to a big career change from game development to personal development work. I wanted to invest more time and energy in the direction of greater meaning and purpose.

Another shift in meaning happened in my personal life many years prior. At some point I started to see that my food choices weren’t the greatest. Eating the standard American diet felt dissatisfying. I sensed I could do better, but I wasn’t sure how. I soon leaned into experimenting with vegetarianism and then veganism. That felt way more meaningful, and it changed many of my internal frames and relationships. I thought differently about food, animals, human beings, and more. These changes helped me explore a different ethical alignment compared to what I grew up with. This was among the most meaningful direction changes of my entire life. I feel so much better about myself as a vegan than I did in my pre-vegan years – even after 23+ years, it still feels powerfully purposeful and never grows stale. So consider that finding meaning can be as basic as reconsidering what you put on your plate each day.

Another shift happened when I felt alone and isolated in my business life. I was also getting frustrated with trying to figure out so many aspects of business on my own. After five years of sinking into debt, I was also feeling pressured by the lack of results. I wanted better results, more actual accomplishment, and more social engagement with other people, especially other entrepreneurs. I grew tired of only interacting with job-wielding friends who couldn’t relate to my challenges or desires to run my own business. So I started participating and then volunteering in a software trade association. That connected me with other entrepreneurs, and I quickly made many smart and successful friends. This social expansion phase lasted for years, and these were some of my best years of growth – definitely more meaningful than what came before. The tricky part was being willing to open up, explore, and seek help and advice from others with more experience. I had to go back into student mode.

Yet another way to amp up the meaning is to identify a fear or zone of resistance and decide to conquer it. A big one for me was public speaking. Getting into Toastmasters for six years was a delightful experience – super rich in meaning and purpose. It felt especially meaningful to do my first 3-day live event for 115 people five years after I joined Toastmasters – at Harrah’s Hotel in the middle on the Las Vegas Strip. To amplify the meaning even more, that’s where I met my now-wife Rachelle.

One of the richest sources of meaning in my life comes from questioning the nature of reality and exploring my relationship with reality. This started in my teenage years, when I began having major doubts about my religious upbringing, including 12 years of Catholic school. Religious dogma wasn’t fulfilling or meaningful to me, so I began exploring other beliefs and perspectives to replace it. Trying to have a relationship with “God” felt meaningless and hollow… and also like I was constantly under the scrutiny of some judgmental deity. Dumping this model was difficult at first, especially due to feeling cut off socially, but in the long run this shift really improved my sense of meaning and purpose in life. When other people’s paradigms are renting too much space in your head, you may find more meaning in exploring and developing your own models.

We often have to abandon what’s unfulfilling and disappointing before we can see where we’ll land. We don’t necessarily have to land anywhere specific either. A journey of exploration can be way more meaningful than a dissatisfying starting point. So a good heuristic is to just move away from whatever disappoints you. If the meaning isn’t there, head elsewhere.

It’s actually meaningful to move away from what isn’t meaningful. If you can’t see the new meaningful stuff you’d love to invite in, put your attention on purging the non-meaningful clutter from your life first. Purging is meaningful.

Letting go of misalignments is especially hard to do with intimate relationships. When my first wife and I separated after 15 years together (11 of them married), it was tough, like jumping into a void. But the fulfillment just wasn’t there, and it didn’t make sense to continue investing in the relationship as it was. I found the meaning and purpose flowing into my life relatively quickly afterwards, but it’s hard to make those kinds of shifts unless you trust that if you seek greater meaning and purpose, you’ll find it. More meaning is possible – you just have to be willing to go for it.

Even in relatively mundane matters, I still like to move towards greater purpose, such as by exploring different business models to find approaches that feel aligned. If my projects aren’t meaningful enough, it’s harder to be productive and to enjoy my work. It’s important to know that I’m doing work that’s making a difference for people and that I’m not just spinning my wheels. I like moving towards greater forms of contribution and ripples.

Meaning is a moving target. What feels meaningful one year may start feeling hollow the next year. I think that’s because meaning and growth go hand-in-hand. Growth experiences feel more purposeful than maintenance activities.

There are so many interesting directions to seek greater meaning. You can face fears. You can turn towards more contribution. You can shift to more creative work. You can lean towards teamwork or leadership. You can build a variety of interesting skills. You can experiment and explore, delving into new and unfamiliar aspects of life. You can ask big questions about the nature of reality and seek to build better philosophical models. You can look for really great friends and intimate relationships. You can seek out interesting mentors and mastermind groups. You can look into areas of shame or guilt to unlock forgiveness and self-acceptance.

What you can’t do is settle for a life that doesn’t feel meaningful or purposeful. Settling doesn’t work. So if your life isn’t flowing with meaning, stop doing what you’re doing – you can’t continue along that path. Just declare the old path as dead, and accept that it’s time to make some changes.

Perhaps my greatest desire for you is to help you unlock and explore a life rich in meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. I want you to be happy. I want you to enjoy high levels of motivation most days. I want you to really like and appreciate the life you’re living. I want you to be resilient, flexible, and adaptable, so you can find meaning even in life’s turbulent times. I want you to face your fears, build your creative skills, and grow stronger.

I’d love for you to stretch yourself to have fascinating experiences and relationships and not be so concerned with other people’s opinions of you. I’d love for you to become an example for others in your life, so you can inspire more people to seek meaning and purpose. I want you to shoot for full matches instead of settling for partial matches. I know you’re capable of this. I expect that if you keep leaning in this direction, you’re going to enjoy wild success – it’s just a matter of time.

Do your best to accept that meaning and purpose won’t stand still. Meaning will keep dancing around, teasing and taunting you as you chase it. Embrace the chase – this alone will help you create a very interesting and worthwhile life.

Recently some Facebook employees quit the company over Mark Zuckerberg’s handling of Donald Trump’s violent posts. Many employees would prefer that Facebook take a stronger stand while Zuckerberg defends his decision (rather feebly according to some employees and journalists). Many have been speaking out about this on social media, even flatly stating that Mark is wrong.

Meanwhile hundreds of other Facebook employees staged a virtual walkout to protest Zuckerberg’s decision.

It’s Zuckerberg’s company though. He has the controlling vote on such issues, so he gets final say. Hence employees have few options:

• Try to change Zuckerberg’s mind
• Quit
• Obey

Most still choose the third option. Some may be obedient because they agree and feel aligned with Zuckerberg’s values. Others may disagree and keep showing up to work; they choose to be obedient and do their jobs despite the values conflict. Facebook even has a term for this: disagree and commit. Of course that means obey.

The first option is a temporary choice. Eventually it becomes option 2 or 3.

Consider what this kind of situation does to the characters of those who face them. These are classic character sculpting choices.

Obviously working at Facebook provides many secondary gains for those who work there. Some people will appreciate the opportunities, the money, the perks, and the teamwork. They may find that this is worth some character damage. That’s their choice to make; their characters will have different consequences to deal with whatever they decide.

Pursuing secondary gains at the cost of character integrity often leads to regret though. Money and other benefits can’t fill the void that this type of damage creates.

For many people who show up to work, they must face a values conflict with their boss or employer. This misalignment stares at them each day and won’t go away. They can’t sweep it under the rug. The conflict repeatedly reasserts itself, challenging them to choose obedience or integrity. Will they act in alignment with their true values, or will they surrender to someone else’s values? Each time they choose obedience, their alignment with integrity grows dimmer, and their alignment with obedience grows stronger.

Integrity is often the harder choice to make, especially when secondary gains are lavish. In the long run, however, it’s the right choice if you care about integrity and the character you’re becoming.

It’s harder to play a disobedient character. It’s harder to play a character who stands up and speaks and acts in alignment with inner truth. It’s harder to play a character who will loudly object to a company mandate like “disagree and commit,” recognizing it for the call to obedience that it is.

How much respect do you have for someone who continues working for secondary gains, choosing obedience over integrity? Do you aspire to become such a person yourself? Does that seem like a good deal? Will you take that offer if life presents it to you?

Have you already accepted such an offer? Are you in a situation right now where you disagree and yet still obey? If so, how do you feel about that deal? Does it feel aligned to you? Did you make the right choice? What were your other options?

Pay attention to where your decisions take your character, not just what they do for your lifestyle or bank account. While it is more of a challenge, you can enjoy positive character sculpting effects while also enjoying a rewarding lifestyle. The key is to make AND choices and reject the OR choices that life brings you.

If you don’t like dealing with the problems and character damage of disagreeing and obeying, another option is to deal with the problems and character sculpting effects of really trying to live in alignment with your values, even when it costs you some secondary gains. Those secondary gains aren’t gone for good. You can rebuild and replace them. And it’s quite rewarding to find ways to do that in alignment with your values. In particular you’re likely to sculpt yourself into a far more creative – and much freer – character.

A good place to start is to acknowledge that deep down, you disagree with “disagree and commit.” That level of obedience is beneath you, isn’t it?