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People Share The Hobbies That Changed Their Relationship With Work: ‘It Has Truly Been Mind Blowing’

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You’re reading Life-Work Balance, a series aiming to redirect our total devotion to work into prioritising our personal lives.

You’ve had a long day at work, your muscles ache for sitting in the same position for too long, or your legs for standing too long, and you’re tired. All you want to do is eat a warm meal and slouch in front of the TV or laptop while you scroll your phone. And then repeat for the next four days.

Work can be draining – you’re required to carry out the same monotonous tasks daily, helping companies get richer, with little regard to own your wellbeing and happiness.

The only relief is the weekend, which is often reserved for refuelling, catching up with loved ones, or completing life admin.

But there are things we do throughout the week that reinvigorate us, make us feel alive and skilled, and happy. Those are hobbies.

While in the last decade, hobbies have taken a turn towards hustle culture – monetising our past-times so we can make more money – the pandemic has allowed us to rediscover the little things that have a big impact on us.

With working from home becoming an ordinary staple, we have more time than ever to cultivate social and personal activities.

We spoke to some people about the hobbies that are changing how they approach work culture.

Marcio Delgado, a London-based and influencer marketing manager, 41, says the pandemic has shifted how he organises his week.

“During lockdown I started to take my dogs for a one-hour walk right in the middle of the day to break the monotony. Although life is fairly back to normal in London now, I have not changed that,” he says.

“Before 2020 I would build my life around my working hours, basically blocking almost any time I possibly had between 9 to 6pm to attend the office and sit in front of a computer. Now that the world is a bit hybrid, I have inverted priorities and still able to work as much – or more – than before.”

Marco with his dogs Albie and Sam

Marco Delgado

Marco with his dogs Albie and Sam

For Rosie Thomas, an ADHD coach from Berlin, something people don’t often do as a hobby had a significant effect on her.

“Going to sauna regularly has changed my life,” she tells HuffPost.

“I was always against going to saunas because I tend to hate the heat, but in January I decided to try it out. I started going regularly and it has truly been mind blowing.

“I have ADHD so my mind is typically running about eight consecutive trains of thought (minimum). I’ve struggled with meditation, yoga, any form of silence. But the sauna enables me relax and think clearly.”

Not only does it help Thomas relax, the sauna is also useful for her work.

“I’ve come up with some amazing ideas for my business in the sauna, solved a couple of problems I was struggling with, and begun sleeping more deeply,” she says.

“Now, if I’ve got some bad brain fog or I’m feeling a bit low and I have time between my 1:1 coaching clients, I’ll go for a quick sauna session and truly come out feeling like a new person.”

Not a bad hobby to have

Rosie Thomas

Not a bad hobby to have

Similarly, Natalie Arney, 39, an SEO consultant from Brighton, has found multiple hobbies bringing life to her week.

Among crafty activities such as punch needle, scrapbooking, and cross stitch, one hobby stands out for Arney – choir.

“I have a couple of things I like to do, but the one that’s impacted me the most so far this year is joining a choir. I started in January this year and it has really helped me with work and my week,” she says.

“I go every Wednesday evening during term time, and this term we had a concert to get ready for. I absolutely love the choir because it gives me something to look forward to, and the community it has created is so supportive and caring.”

Natalie has chronic pain and choir has helped her mentally and physically

Natalie Arney

Natalie has chronic pain and choir has helped her mentally and physically

Choir practice also helps Arney in another area – getting out of the house.

“I struggle with my mental and physical health, and up until I joined choir, I didn’t do much outside of the house that wasn’t to do with work (I’m a freelancer, so it’s easy to lock myself away), but now, aside from going shopping or out for a meal, I’ve also got choir to go to,” she says.

“Singing also really helps you physically and mentally, including helping with breathing, posture and muscle tension, and releases neuro-chemicals too – which as a person who lives with chronic pain, I really benefit from!”

Hobbies are subjective – one person’s enjoyment might be another person’s idea of boredom – but no matter what brings someone happiness, hobbies and interests outside of work are the ultimate acts of resistance against capitalism.

They bring us pleasure without the expectation of procuring money or making us more marketable to recruiters.

So swim in the seas, pamper yourself in a sauna, curl up with a book in a local library, lift weights, knit, shoot hoops.

Whatever brings you joy.

HuffPost UK/ Isabella Carapella

Life-Work Balance questions the status quo of work culture, its mental and physical impacts, and radically reimagines how we can change it to work for us.

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5 Signs Your Co-Worker Might Be A Narcissist (And How To Deal)

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Throughout your career, you will encounter difficult co-workers who drain you, bore you and annoy you. But a narcissistic co-worker is one of the worst types to deal with.

They are insecure and cannot handle criticism. They can make their failures seem like they’re your responsibility, hurting your self-esteem to boost their own. And according to Marie-Line Germain, a professor of human resources and leadership at Western Carolina University and author of “Narcissism at Work: Personality Disorders of Corporate Leaders,” narcissists often find “safe havens” in the workplace.

“They very often end up in very top positions in organizations because they are smart, they are able to manipulate others,” Germain said. “The workplace is perfect for that. If they do well, they will be recognized. They will get a promotion. They will be looked at as prestigious. That’s not necessarily something they can get from their personal relationships.”

According to the American Psychiatric Association, the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder can include an inflated sense of self-importance, fantasies of perfection and superiority, a sense of being special and unique, a need for praise and attention, a strong sense of entitlement and a tendency to exploit others.

It’s important to note that it’s up to trained professionals to make an official diagnosis, but knowing how a narcissist operates can help you learn to set hard boundaries when you’re forced to team up for a project with someone who seems to fit the profile.

Here are the big differences between a co-worker with a need for admiration and high confidence in their abilities and a co-worker who’s exhibiting narcissistic traits:

1. Confident colleagues are OK with others being the center of attention. Narcissists always have to have the last word.

Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and executive coach who works with people who have dealt with narcissistic abuse, said that a need to steal your thunder is a hallmark trait of narcissism in self-aggrandizing co-workers. They may talk over you or interrupt you frequently, she said.

Confident colleagues can celebrate your success and want to see their co-workers shine, while a narcissistic colleague will insert themselves into “any topic, even if it is completely irrelevant, and they will hijack and make it about them,” Neo said.

2. Narcissists are charismatic charmers — until your relationship no longer serves them.

At the beginning of a work relationship, narcissists are good at impressing and manipulating their targets to feel like the center of attention, Germain said. But when you stop helping them feel superior and important, don’t be surprised if you see a sudden change in their attitude toward you, even if it’s months or years later.

“You may feed their needs, so there is no need for them to display any of those negative signs,” Germain said. “It’s when trouble brews for them that they start showing all of the negative behaviors.”

3. They believe the ends justify the means, and display a consistent lack of empathy to colleagues.

Germain finds the lack of empathy to be a cornerstone of narcissism, one that distinguishes narcissistic co-workers from merely confident ones. They do not care if their success comes at your expense, and they may steal your ideas.

“They will do anything for that prestige, that power,” Germain said. “It doesn’t matter if they have to steal your ideas to appear as brilliant.”

“NPD individuals have a difficult time understanding the feelings of other people, if they even care to understand them,” she said, because “they are on a relentless hunt to guarantee their own narcissistic supply of attention, of approval, prestige, admiration, understanding, encouragement, power, perfection, money, sometimes even beauty.”

This lack of empathy can also manifest as selfishness, disregard and a lack of compassion for other people. Narcissistic types can use their power to belittle and harass you.

They may display disregard, in particular, when your repeated attempts to set “hell no” boundaries are not honored, Neo said.

“They will take every chance to erode upon your boundaries,” she said. “Trample upon [your boundaries] so that they can lower the bar at every successive attempt and train you to put you in your place, so that you… play the role that you are smaller and a lot more deferential to them.”

4. They can’t handle criticism.

Narcissistic colleagues don’t reflect on or own up to mistakes. They lash out when they hear negative feedback, because the way they perceive it, “you are not just criticizing their work, you are criticizing their self-worth,” Germain said.

They make you feel small to make themselves feel big. If a person loses control and gets angry at you for offering some constructive criticism, that’s a red flag for narcissism, she said.

5. Narcissistic co-workers believe you’re either with them or against them.

There is no neutral ground with narcissistic colleagues.

“They have a very dichotomous approach to life. It’s all or nothing. It’s either good or bad. You’re either a winner or loser,” Germain said. “They don’t do well with defeat.”

If you support a narcissistic co-worker, you are on their good side. “But the day you criticize them, the day you no longer support them… then you will cross over to the enemy side,” Germain said.

To deal with a narcissistic co-worker, do your best to limit your interactions.

Luckily, unlike with narcissistic bosses, narcissistic co-workers have less direct control over your career. But they can still mount smear campaigns and wreck your work experience if they see you as an enemy. Here are some tips on how to deal:

Withdraw. You have every right to set boundaries, even if a narcissist tells you otherwise, Neo said. Germain recommended limiting the attention and praise you give a narcissist.

Narcissists want you to engage with them and lose your temper. Sometimes, the best option for how to deal with one is to limit your interactions as much as possible.

“They love to see people lose their cool. Part of it is a power play. Part of it is a bit of sadism. They want to make you look like a loose cannon, so they can tell you in the future that you are being sensitive and difficult,” Neo said. “Don’t try to hold them accountable all the time. Accountability is what gets you suckered in.“

Document your own contributions. Narcissists are likely to throw you under the bus, so it’s important to keep track of your accomplishments on projects. “You may have to justify your own contributions. It’s sad, but it’s true,” Germain said. She recommended looping people in on certain emails and communications to increase the visibility of your contributions if you’re forced to work with a narcissist on a project.

Go to HR with the narcissistic abuse, and consider an exit strategy if necessary. If the narcissist is berating and belittling you, and you are losing sleep over it, you should take it to human resources, Germain said.

Unfortunately, narcissists tend to be high performers who are often valued by their organization. If a move to a different team is not possible, or if you feel like your complaints are not being heard, Germain recommends job-hunting elsewhere.

“It’s really hard to imagine that you as the victim need to leave, but that’s a self-protective tactic,” she said. “You need to remain proactive by not only recognizing the damaging facets of the NPD person on your work, but also on your well-being. Well-being must remain your focus.“

Lean on your support system outside of work. Germain said narcissistic co-workers are good at gaslighting you into feeling like you are the problem, so it’s important to find a sounding board with a loved one or a therapist who can help you see that “there is nothing wrong with you,” she said.

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It’s Not Normal For Our Work Places To Leave Us In Tears

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You’re reading Life-Work Balance, a series aiming to redirect our total devotion to work into prioritising our personal lives.

Finding a quiet toilet cubicle, a vacant conference room, or any corner of the office or work floor you can privately sob. Sound familiar?

Crying at work isn’t an alien experience for many of us. And since the pandemic, those who have been propelled to the WFH environment can weep away without shame and the judgemental glances of their co-workers.

It can be a cathartic experience, to let out your work frustrations and stresses before carrying on with your responsibilities. You might even have an open policy at work where all sentiments are welcome.

While it’s good to let your emotions out and express yourself, we must also ponder the question – should our work places be making us cry?

It’s no secret that employment, no matter in which form, is stressful and occupies much of our thoughts. But our employment isn’t supposed to dominate our emotion in the way it does.

Work under capitalism has terrorised our emotion – we’re forced to constantly be switched on, available, regulate our feelings on demand (think how often we have to suppress anger, indignation, sadness at work and put on a face), and offer ourselves as capital toward businesses much more successful than we as workers are.

So when it feels like we’re hamsters on a never-ending wheel, with the bills and responsibilities mounting on us, with little room to breathe, it’s easy for our emotions to overspill and reach breaking point – often ending in tears.

Lucy*, 43, from Northampton, can relate all too well to this. “In my 20s and 30s, I cried a lot at work, for various reasons. I was figuring out who I was and my work place often wanted me to be someone that just wasn’t my personality. I ended up in tears because my work kept expecting me to be more assertive and forceful, which is the opposite of who I am.”

But Lucy had to keep her feelings private because, she says: “I think they would have seen crying as a weakness or unprofessional and unbusinesslike.

“Our workplaces just expect us to navigate our own emotion without any effort to remedy any ill feelings.”

But, Lucy admits, it does also depend on your profession. “Some are better than others with helping people. My workplace also provided a certain number of therapy sessions per issue you were having but I don’t think a lot of people even knew about it.”

Similarly, for Nora*, 29, a deputy lighting director at a theatre in London, not only has her job left her weeping in the past, she doubts little would change if bosses were aware of the toll they had on her.

She tells HuffPost: “My work place made me cry because of severe lack of resources and time and constant pressure to complete goals by an unmovable deadline under adverse circumstances. I was regularly working 60hr+ weeks with minimal breaks, high levels of physics and mental work and increasing demands of productivity.”

Like many of us, Nora kept her feelings hidden.

“I didn’t let work see me cry, instead I removed myself to a private location. If they had seen I think they would have responded well emotionally, i.e being initially caring and empathetic but fundamentally no actual structural or practical changes would be made.”

The experience has left Nora with little belief in workplaces to care genuinely about their employee’s wellbeing.

“I think workplaces put on a show, in most cases even earnestly, of supporting our emotions and mental health but in practice don’t actually have any infrastructure or ability to back these up,” she says.

“Most middle management are not themselves emotionally equipped or trained to deal with mental health or emotional breakdowns and yet are expected to solve problems usually caused by industry wide issues created and perpetuated by those at the highest level.”

So why is work so emotionally charged and how can we have a better grip on our emotions?

Well, it’s due to the nature of work itself and not a personal failing, says wellbeing psychologist Dannielle Haig.

“The workplace can be highly charged emotionally due to the fact there are numbers of humans grouped together in an environment that can be highly pressured with difficult interactions, personality differences and deadlines and so on,” she says.

“You become so emotionally exhausted that you’re vulnerable to external stressors and can no longer control your emotions. This is a sign that you need to take a break, you need some recovery time where you are investing in yourself and allowing your emotional batteries to recharge.”

But emotions arise from somewhere. You might consider addressing the stimulus – is it a difficult boss, a toxic environment?

Haig adds: “If you are feeling resentment for example, then it is time to build your boundaries and to start saying no to others and yes to yourself. If you’re feeling anger, then it’s a signal for you to remove yourself from the situation and once calm, to approach a situation from a different angle. The more you lean into your emotions and get curious about them rather than just allowing them to happen or trying to stop them, the more emotionally agile you’ll become.”

In an ever precarious job market, compounded with the cost of living crisis, most of of us are hyperaware of our earnings and employability, we might even be willing to put up with mistreatment, regardless of its emotional and mental cost.

But we’re also protected by labour rights and, in most places, a nascent understanding of work place harms and toxicity.

If we’re left in constant tears, it’s okay to question our employers, table open discussions, speak to HR, and try to change the environment, instead of toiling away to our own detriment, emotionally and physically.

*Names have been changed.

HuffPost UK/ Isabella Carapella

Life-Work Balance questions the status quo of work culture, its mental and physical impacts, and radically reimagines how we can change it to work for us.

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7 Common Pandemic Job Interview Questions (And How To Answer Them)

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Looking for a new job? If you’re interviewing for a new role or expect you may be in the near future, you might already be apprehensive about being grilled by your prospective new boss. And don’t forget the pandemic has changed the kinds of questions employers are asking during the recruitment process.

Handily, jobs website Indeed has surveyed employers about the questions managers and HR teams have been asking candidates that they did not routinely ask before Covid-19.

From a candidate’s vaccination status to their willingness to work remotely some, or all, of the time, these questions highlight how the workplace – and our wider attitudes to work – have been transformed by nearly two years of living and working through a pandemic.

On a positive note, many of them hint at employers’ desire to understand, and accommodate, candidates’ increasing preference for flexible hours and hybrid working.

Commonly asked new interview questions:

1. Have you been vaccinated?
2. What type of flexible/hybrid working are you seeking?
3. How many days would you like to work from home?
4. How would you feel about not having day to day, face to face contact with colleagues?
5. Are you comfortable with your home working setup?
6. What have been your experiences of the pandemic?
7. How has Covid-19 affected you?

Some of these questions might throw you, but remember that you still have rights and that a little preparation is all you need to answer them honestly.

Mikaela Elliott, Indeed’s senior manager of employer insights, says it’s best to expect some of these topics to be asked, and if they are not, feel free to raise them yourself.

“With the pandemic bringing about huge changes to the way we work and upending expectations around work and especially remote and flexible working, interviewers are often asking several Covid-era questions that candidates should take the time to prepare for,” says Elliott.

“If you are not asked about flexible working during the interview, but it is something that is important to you, you can ask your interviewer about how the company prioritises work-life balance and whether it has any flexible working arrangements. This will help you decide whether the company is a good match for you.

When it comes to vaccination status, employers should have a good reason for needing to know, such as wanting to plan for the safety of their staff. While they are allowed to ask, vaccine information is sensitive personal health data, so they need to comply with data protection rules when it comes to your answer.

We approached Charlotte Davies, careers expert at LinkedIn, for some advice on how to answer these other pandemic-related questions. Here are her tips:

What type of flexible/hybrid working are you seeking?

“Before you head into your interview, think about what it is you want when it comes to hybrid or flexible working, so you can clearly outline your expectations,” says Davies.

“Don’t be nervous about saying you’re looking for a role that offers flexibility. You are by no means alone. Be clear about what has worked best for you in the past and why; the way that we work has changed forever since the pandemic, so it’s likely that potential employers will welcome this honesty and take it on board when making you a job offer.”

How many days would you like to work from home?

“It’s important to be honest about what would suit your own situation, whilst trying to be mindful of what a good balance would be for everyone involved. Every job and workplace is different, and only you will know what can and can’t work with your various tasks and meetings.”

How would you feel about not having day to day, face to face contact with colleagues?

“If you get asked this question, be honest about how you feel. Some people may want to see colleagues face to face more than others and that’s fine. Recent LinkedIn UK research revealed that of those who would prefer to work in an office part time or full time, 47% would like to do so as they enjoy being around other people and colleagues.

“But if you’re happy with less face time, let your employer know how you’ll stay in contact with your colleagues virtually and make those important connections.”

Are you comfortable with your home working setup?

“Working from home can still be challenging when trying to balance our professional and personal lives, especially with many of us juggling family commitments. Therefore, it’s perfectly fine to be open about any boundaries that you have in place to help you stay positive while working from home.”

What have been your experiences of the pandemic/How has Covid-19 affected you?

“If you get asked this question, remember that everyone’s experiences have been totally different, and honesty is the best policy.

“If you’ve found it hard, say so. Give a short answer that acknowledges the question, but also makes it clear that it’s not something you want to delve any deeper into. Try and find a way of turning the conversation around – for example by saying ‘It’s been a tough time both personally and professionally, but I’m looking forward to seeing what the future brings and life post-pandemic.’

“Equally, if you’re comfortable with sharing your experiences feel free to be honest and let your potential employer know if it’s the main motivation behind your career switch or if you’ve learnt anything about yourself during that time.”

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‘Pity I’m Not The One Who Gives Out Handshakes’: Prue Leith Is All Of Us

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Warning: this article contains spoilers for the GBBO 2021 semi-final.

It was a heart-wrenching moment when Jürgen Krauss, possibly the best-loved contestant in Great British Bake Off history, presented his semi-final signature bake to the judges.

Paul Hollywood declared “I like it, but I don’t love it” and declined to give Jürgen one of his famed “Hollywood handshakes”, when the other three contestants each received one.

Jürgen looked towards Prue for redemption and thankfully, she loved the bake. But alas, it seems her opinion wasn’t enough.

“It’s a pity I’m not the one who gives out handshakes,” lamented Prue – while women watching the TV screamed in unison: “Why not!?”

Paul’s handshakes started as a bit of fun, where, back in the Mary Berry days of season three, he whipped out his palm to congratulate contestant Ryan Chong for some stellar sweet dough.

But the shakes have since morphed into something so much more – a symbol of success that’s almost as coveted as the “star baker” title.

In what was a close-knit episode – with the contestants almost impossible to separate – many on social media have speculated that Paul’s lack of handshake was the final nail in the coffin for Jürgen, who was voted off ahead of the final.

Women have also questiond why Paul’s handshake holds so much power – and suggested it’s just another example of a man’s opinion being held in higher esteem than a woman’s.

Of course, we mustn’t forget that this is a light-hearted baking show, and the contestants clearly do adore being recognised for their hard work with Hollywood’s extended hand.

Still, the unequal power dynamic between Paul and Prue is increasingly hard to ignore – and reminds us of every time an experienced woman has been overlooked in the workplace in favour of a confident man.

We’d like to petition for Prue to have her own handshake – the ‘Prue Pat’, as some on social media have called it. Or, as others have suggested, she could bestow her signature necklace on successful bakers like a medal, instead.

Now, that’s a prize we’d truly appreciate.

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Why People of Colour Should Interview Their Interviewer When Applying For Jobs

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As someone who’s had more than 20 jobs (fluctuating from temporary positions to career-defining roles), nearly all of my interviewers have been white.

Each interview I’ve stepped into, I’ve known my otherness – my ethnicity, my religion, and even my gender – was going to be a player during this time.

Though I’ve used this to my advantage to impress employers, I wish I’d spent time being wooed by them too. Because I’ve ended up working for companies which are toxic, ruthless and uncaring.

Understandably, the power dynamics in a job interview are unlike anything else; you’re supposed to show yourself off and grovel for approval. That doesn’t leave a lot of time to get to know the company and how it can benefit you.

The only part of the process – the “Do you have any questions for us?” segment – is usually a closing feature, where participants often ask questions that will say more about them, than the company (the “look, I’ve done my research about you” trick).

But there’s a real reason to use the final moments of an interview to quiz your interviewers and get to the nitty gritty. After all, you also need to find out if the company is the correct fit for you – and crucially, how they nurture diverse talent.

The pandemic especially has shown the importance of having employers that work for individual needs. And where they don’t, many staff are quitting in their droves – a Microsoft survey of more than 30,000 global workers showed 41% were considering quitting or changing professions this year. In the US alone, April saw more than four million people quit their jobs, according to the Department of Labor – the biggest spike on record.

A few months ago (before joining HuffPost), I was interviewed for a leadership position, but I had a lot of questions and arranged for a follow-up interview where I could take the time to enquire about everything.

I’m glad I did, because the recruiters showed their true colours. When it came to negotiating salaries, I was told by the CEO it was concerning for me to discuss money for a role that was otherwise a ‘compliment’ to me.

I promptly wrote the letters NO on my notebook as he spoke, deciding to reject the offer. Given that ethnic minority women are overlooked for such positions and grossly underpaid (Black, Asian and other minority ethnicities lose out on £3.2 billion a year in wages compared to white colleagues doing the same work), it didn’t feel concerning at all to bring up money.

If we didn’t have this conversation so early on, I may have ended up working for a company that would make me unhappy. It might feel like you’re being ungrateful, but there’s merit in quizzing your interviewer – it shows recruiters you’re keen to know your place in the company, as well as signalling to you any potential red flags about them.

An interview is a chance to see if the company works for you. 

An interview is a chance to see if the company works for you. 

For 27-year-old Masuma*, a Muslim woman from Manchester, who applied for a marketing position, asking questions about faith provisions led to positive changes.

“I once asked if there was a prayer space and the reply was ‘you can use the board room but there’s usually meetings in there so maybe avoid booking it during lunch breaks’ – which were prayer times so that was going to be a problem,” she tells HuffPost UK.

“While I never got the job, because it was definitely out of my reach, I got an interview anyway. The recruiters really liked me and then offered me a role that was linked to the original. I took the job because it was really exciting and since then, I’ve voiced a lot of my concerns regarding prayer space and other things like diversity and inclusivity, which they’ve listened to.”

For 33-year-old Hina Jabeen, from Solihull, West Midlands, asking questions resulted in a confrontation which secured her feelings towards the recruiter.

“I’m an expert at interviewing,” she says. “Over the past two years since being made redundant, I’ve interviewed 174 times including getting to final stages. And the majority of the time there was a 50/50 rate of rejections against me rejecting the offer.”

For Jabeen, the answers to questions she had left her disappointed, so she turned offers down. Some of the questions interviewers asked her, including invasive ones about her childcare responsibilities, also resulted in rejections on her part.

“I rejected eight offers where I had put in my CV with a western name and when they offered the role under the western name, I rejected the offer and explained that my CV/application under my actual name wasn’t even considered. Both applications were identical, just name changes,” she says. “In the interview, I asked why and they denied any bias and accepted my rejections. There was one incident where the company identified bias and ‘took action to rectify the discrepancy’.

“But 176 interviews later and I finally have the perfect role, so [I’m] happy with the combination of rejections.”

Of course, there’s a way to be tactical about questioning your interviewers – and Hira Ali, an author, career coach, and leadership trainer, advocates doing it in a strategic way.

“A relevant and appropriate number of questions may be three to five, which indicates genuine interest and natural curiosity,” explains Ali. “Asking questions also shows that you have done your research and that you have knowledge of the role and the industry―it’s also another opportunity to demonstrate your confidence and highlight your knowledge and experience. Finally, the right questions can help you decide whether this company is aligned with your goals and aspirations or not.”

To gauge compatibility, asking certain questions will also be beneficial, especially if you’re an ethnic minority trying to understand the company’s diversity.

Ali adds: “I would definitely recommend asking about the team’s diversity composition and what measures they have in place to ensure that people from minority backgrounds are given ample opportunities to thrive and reach the top. And if it’s not satisfactory, ask for the challenges they are currently facing in implementing it and how they aim to address it. Honesty and transparency is always preferable over half-hearted cover-ups lacking authenticity.

“The interview is also a key opportunity to find out how you can turn your diversity into a competitive advantage and leverage your uniqueness. It’s also useful to throw in questions about your potential career trajectory if you are selected and what are the key qualities or deliverables of the most successful people at the company.“

As a minority in the workplace, Black, Asian and other groups may feel alienated from the rest of the team, affecting their self-confidence.

“People from marginalised backgrounds often shy away from advocating for themselves, expressing their talents, and showcasing their achievements in case they are labelled as ‘braggarts’ or as ‘trying too hard,’” explains Ali.

“They are not only hesitant to put themselves forward, but also show reluctance in raising complaints, or voicing concerns for fear of being judged ill-favourably. They may feel as if asking too many questions will make them appear incompetent or ignorant or even difficult.”

Ali says that many people she has coached from minority backgrounds are afraid of putting their vulnerability out in the open. The idea of exposing how they really feel or think or opening themselves up can seem “dangerous and risky”.

“Because the latter are reluctant to speak their mind, they are often viewed as lacking self-confidence,” she adds. “However, in any interview, it’s crucial to show your worth and defy these internal barriers. It’s only people who carry themselves with confidence and who clearly vocalise their asks that typically get noticed more.

“Research reveals that recruiters show clear preference for people who are confident and display powerful posing despite being unaware of the interviewee’s background, hypothesis and conditions.”

So come with confidence, and ask everything you intend to – it might help you make up your decision when you finally land that offer.

*Name has been changed to provide anonymity.

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How To Deal With A Boss Who Sucks At Listening To You

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Bad bosses come in all kinds of flavours –- from incompetent to just plain jerk -– but one of the most frustrating kinds of managers is the one who never seems to listen to you. Your ideas, requests and complaints are ignored or rejected. Everything you say seems to go in one ear and out the other.

At a certain point, not feeling heard can take a toll on your psyche. In a survey by the Society for Human Resource Management, 84% of U.S. workers say poorly trained people managers create a lot of unnecessary stress. The workers’ biggest recommendation on what their bosses could improve? Their communication skills.

Ideally, good bosses take the time to proactively ask what’s working and what’s not in your one-on-one meetings with them.

But when your boss is not listening to you, you have two options: either do nothing and hope your boss realises you are unhappy, or you can take actions to make yourself heard.

Jennifer Tardy, a career coach and diversity and inclusion consultant, said too often she sees employees who avoid dealing with their boss and are not comfortable talking in a direct way or in a timely manner to them.

“Employees wait too long to have the courageous conversation and now the situation has compounded,” Tardy said. “At this point, rather than have a rational, logical conversation with their manager, they explode ― often with emotion leaving the core message to get lost in.”

There are helpful steps you can take about feeling unheard long before it gets to that point.

Here’s what you can do to salvage a relationship with a boss who is not listening to you –- and when to decide enough is enough.

1. Diagnose whether they don’t listen to anyone, or just you.

Gorick Ng, a career adviser at Harvard University and the author of “The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right,” said that when employees deal with bosses who are not understanding them, they may want to jump straight to quitting as the “path of fastest relief.” But one way to figure out if you can save the relationship is to take the time to understand where your boss is coming from.

“Whatever you’re dealing with, someone else has dealt with before.”

– Gorick Ng

To do that, first try talking to people who work with or used to work with your boss. “Whatever you’re dealing with, someone else has dealt with before,” Ng said.

He suggested asking questions about how your boss prefers to communicate, such as “What’s worked with this person before? Are they someone who needs to see it on paper? Are they someone who needs a nice long pro/con list? Are they someone who needs a mockup or draft? Are they someone who needs to hear it from a certain person?”

“What you’re really trying to figure out is if this is a problem that you can solve,” Ng said.

After you do this bit of research, you should have an idea what will get your boss’ attention, be it project deadlines or influential colleagues. If your manager listens to what a certain colleague says, for example, you could focus on asking that colleague to be the whisper in your boss’ ear about your ideas, Ng said.

2. When you bring it up to your boss, make sure that you have a solution in mind.

Once you diagnose your boss’ deal, you can have a conversation. But don’t simply complain. Get specific about what actions made you feel unheard, and bring solutions that could address the problem.

Tardy said you should ask yourself what specific actions your boss took that led to this. What specific actions would my boss need to take for us to remedy the challenge? That way, when you bring it up with your boss, you can be clear on their role in the problem and in the solution.

And then after you acknowledge how you felt unheard, have a solution on what could make your joint communication style better.

“Many times when we have courageous conversations, we leave it to the other party to figure out what action to take to reach the solution,” Tardy said. “The more specific you are on the action you want from your boss, the more clearly you can articulate it to them so they can take the action.”

You can bring up solutions with language such as, “Hey I know we’re trying to achieve this. I was thinking of this option or this option or this option. These are the pros and cons. My suggestion is that we might want to consider option B. What is your reaction?” Ng said.

Or, the solution can be brought up as simply as something like, ”‘Would it be helpful if I did ‘blank’?’” Ng added.

3. If talking and suggesting solutions fails, it’s time for change ― either your boss or your job.

If you’ve exhausted these options, and nothing has changed, then it’s time to consider switching it up ― perhaps out of the job altogether.

First, you can try leaving your particular manager if you still want the role.

“Change doesn’t mean leaving the company. Maybe it means leaving the manager, but staying in the department or company,” Tardy said. “Escalation means talking to your manager’s manager. Oftentimes, messages that go unheard from an employee become clearly understood by a leader.”

But if leaving your inattentive manager is not a possibility, then it really may be time to start looking for a new job where you and your ideas will be heard. And then, at this new job, you can hash out communication styles with your boss up front.

“If you make it very clear that you need to feel like your ideas are heard, and define what that looks like when it doesn’t happen, it will be easier for you to bring up three, six or 12 months into the role with the manager,” said career coach Kaitlyn Buckheit, who specializes in career transitions. “You won’t be bringing up the topic for the first time.”

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The Most Meaningless, Unhelpful Feedback People Get At Work

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Getting good feedback is necessary for anyone to grow their career. But too many of us end up receiving unhelpful advice that doesn’t mean anything useful.

Phoebe Gavin, a career coach who specialises in supporting early and mid-career professionals, said she often sees bad feedback fall into two categories: empty praise and vague criticism.

These types of feedback are unhelpful, she said, because what people really want is “to be able identify something specific that they can do that they should either keep doing because it’s working, or something they should adjust because it’s not working.”

Unfortunately, bad feedback is common, and it can even start to infect your own language at work. Here are types of feedback you should rethink.

1. “Great job.”

Popular but vague words of encouragement like this are not actually helpful, because they aren’t tied to a specific outcome related to the role or the organisation. The person hearing it doesn’t “know why they did a great job, what exactly they did a great job at. They don’t know how their great job has an impact. It’s just not very useful,” Gavin said.

It doesn’t encourage anyone to keep up the good work, either.

“The problem with this type of feedback ― although it feels great to receive it ― is that it is not reinforcing any behaviours. In order to turn meaningless feedback into something that will encourage employees to continue to perform, the feedback must be very specific,” said Angela Karachristos, a career coach who has worked in human resources.

“Instead of saying, ‘good job,’ the manager should say give a specific example of what the person did well so that those positive behaviours can be repeated,” she said.

Often, giving too much unhelpful praise is a people-pleasing mistake that first-time managers make as a way to make up for negative experiences they personally had on a team. “A lot of managers over-correct and really lay on the praise, and not give the kind of support through constructive criticism that actually helps people grow,” Gavin said.

2. “I don’t like that.”

Bad criticism stops with what someone did wrong, while good criticism gives them a clear path of what needs to happen differently and how they can do it better next time.

“If you just tell someone, ‘Hey, you missed that deadline, that caused problems,’ sure, that might be valid, but it doesn’t give space to improve with whatever context that person is working in,” Gavin said. “It doesn’t create a conversation where the problem can be solved.”

Gavin said subjective, vague feedback such as, “I don’t like that,” “That doesn’t work for me,” or “I’ve never heard that before” stems from someone reaching into “their own subjective experience and not bringing any other external factors in.”

A better method is to be specific about what’s going wrong, or to have the humility to note that the feedback is just an opinion. It’s the difference between “‘Those colours seem very jarring to me, that’s just how they look to my eye,’ versus ‘I don’t like that, I don’t like that design,’” Gavin said.

3. “You need to work on your attitude.”

In her book Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity, management expert Kim Scott writes that a lot of bad work criticism falls into the trap of highlighting personal traits rather than having external causes of a problem acknowledged.

“It’s easier to say, ‘You’re sloppy’ than to say ‘You’ve been working nights and weekends, and it’s starting to take a toll on your ability to catch mistakes in your logic.’ But it’s also far less helpful,” Scott writes, noting that better criticism makes it clear that a work problem is not “due to some unfixable personality flaw,” and can be used as a tool for improvement.

Karachristos said that a common example of this kind of personal criticism is “You need to work on your attitude.” “Any type of feedback that is focused on the person or that person’s personality, and not the work, can be very problematic,” she said.

At worst, when job performance feedback is tied to a person’s identity, it can be used to hold their career back. Women of colour, in particular, are given subjective labels like “difficult,” “angry” or “challenging” in performance reviews – words that signal they are not a “fit” in a workplace or don’t “fit” a manager’s homogenous idea of success.

Nadia De Ala, founder of Real You Leadership, a group coaching program for women of color, said her clients deal with feedback – often unsolicited – about their natural tone of voice and how they dress, rather than about actual points of improvement on their work.

One client asked a co-worker for help with compiling marketing research for a promotion and was told, “You’re not going to get promoted if your voice goes up at the end of sentences. You don’t sound confident.”

“This type of feedback was unhelpful because it was unsolicited advice and had nothing to do with market research,” De Ala said.

It speaks to how feedback is not just words: It can make or break an employee’s experience and even push them to leave. Gallup research found that when a boss’ feedback makes employees feel demotivated, disappointed or depressed, four out of five of those employees start to job-hunt.

Sometimes, the feedback can be right, but still be wrong because of how the message is delivered.

If you’re in a position to give feedback, recognise that not everyone likes to hear it the same way.

“You have to be sensitive to where you do it. You might feel like it’s great to publicly recognise the person, but some people hate that. It makes them feel embarrassed,” Karachristos said.

Karachristos said it’s also a mistake for peers and managers to publicly criticise a group when they really intend that message for one person.

“That person will never get the message, and then my whole team is going to get annoyed that I’m down on the whole group, or not necessarily respect me as a team leader or colleague because I’m not brave enough to address the problem,” Karachristos said.

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Can Employers Dock Your Pay For Working From Home?

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Employees who decide to continue working from home could see a deduction in their wages, even though the level of work they produce remains the same.

That’s according to rumours swirling, after a number of US corporations have introduced post-pandemic pay policies – and a cabinet minster suggested the same should happen in the UK.

Facebook and Twitter have already told US employees their salaries will be adjusted if they choose to work remotely and live in a lower cost area. Now, it’s been reported that Google has launched an internal pay calculator, allowing workers to see pay adjustments based on location.

Google’s internal calculator, seen by Reuters, is supposedly designed to enable employees to see the effects of a house move, but concerns have been raised that it’ll be used to alter the pay of existing, long-distance commuters.

The UK government has now dropped the pandemic demand that individuals must work from home where possible. Instead, it now recommends staff to safely return to the workplace.

So, could UK remote workers have pay docked, too?

Earlier this week, an unnamed cabinet minster suggested that civil servants who refuse to return to the office, after working from home throughout the pandemic, should have their pay penalised.

“If people aren’t going into work, they don’t deserve the terms and conditions they get if they are going into work,” the senior minister told the Daily Mail.

Dave Penman, general secretary of the FDA civil service union, described the comments as “insulting”.

“What should matter to ministers is whether public services are being delivered effectively, not where individual civil servants are sitting on a particular day,” he told PA.

What does this mean for UK employee rights?

Doreen Reeves, a senior employment lawyer at Slater and Gordon, warns employers they could face legal challenges when making drastic changes to staff salaries – which is ultimately good news for employees.

“An employer should be careful making detrimental changes to an employee’s salary which would amount to a change to terms and conditions of employment,” she tells HuffPost UK. “If the change is by mutual consent, it is not likely to cause legal or practical problems as an employee may be willing to consent to a change in salary in exchange for home-working.

“However, if the employer unilaterally imposes a change to the agreed rate of salary or other financial benefits, it will amount to a breach of contract.”

If your employer docks your wages without your agreement, you may have a claim for “unlawful deductions from wages”. If you resign over this, you could also bring a claim for constructive dismissal. “However this claim is only available for employees with two years’ service,” Reeves says.

“Salaries are not means tested but are based on skill, experience and qualifications,” she adds. “If an employee is required to take a pay cut as a condition of home-working or flexible working arrangements, an employer should consider the discrimination risks as employees working from home should not be treated less favourably than a comparable employee.”

A Google spokesperson claimed the company would not deduct money from an employee’s salary based on them deciding to work remotely full time – if this is in the city where the office is located. Workers based in the New York City office will be paid exactly the same as those working remotely from another location in New York. However, Google did not address the concerns for commuters in areas like Stamford, Connecticut, outside of New York City.

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It’s Hot Desk Summer. Are You Prepared To Share With A Co-worker?

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In July, Denise Delamore finally returned to working in her Colorado office after more than a year of working remotely due to the coronavirus pandemic. But her space was different. Delamore, who works as an assistant supervisor for a bank’s loan servicing department, no longer had her own personal desk.

Currently, Delamore goes into the office one day a week, with an expectation that this will increase over time. “My day is Mondays, and I’m sharing a desk with two other loan servicing departments who are in office Tuesdays and Wednesdays, respectively,” she said. “We have to reserve a desk ahead of time, and there’s no guarantee that we’ll have the same desk every time.”

Because other people use the desks, too, Delamore was given a small bin to store her keyboard, mouse and any other items she needs while working. But it doesn’t fit everything. She said she finds herself carrying more into work each day, as she still needs to bring home her planner and notes for the days she works remotely.

The personal touch is missing, too. Delamore used to be able to store granola bars, oatmeal, crackers and nuts in her desk for snacks, but now she carries a bag of any food she wants to eat that day.

“I definitely felt a connection to my workspace when I was able to leave personal items on it. It was my area. I felt grounded,” Delamore said. “Now I find it hard to focus. It could be me just getting used to working in the office again, but not having a dedicated, personal workspace makes it difficult.”

Why ‘hot desks’ are here to stay at work

Delamore is part of a growing office population using “hot desks” that aren’t assigned to any particular person. A hot desk is generally first reserved, first served. It’s not a new concept in the world of work, but the practice is gaining popularity now it’s less likely for employees to be in an office five days a week because of Covid. Many companies are moving to schedules with employees rotating in and out of the office part-time, much like the system instituted by Delamore’s employer.

Meena Krenek, an interior design director at Perkins&Will, an architecture firm that is redesigning offices in industries including accounting, tech and media, sees personal desks becoming more and more obsolete.

“Some of our clients are saying, ‘Areas where we had workstations, we want more meeting and collaborative spaces.’ We’re going in there and adjusting the furniture to… create more spaces so that our office becomes a space for collaboration, for socialising, and the individual time, what we call ‘me time,’ can get done in those home environments,” she said.

“They’re still keeping a lot of workstations, but they’re saying they’re not assigned. You go on a corporate app and you select where you sit, near a window or near the coffee machine,” she explained.

The mileage an employee gets from not being tied down to a single desk may ultimately depend on their preferred working arrangement. Citing research by Perkins&Will, Krenek described a set of co-workers who prefer to get their social and collaboration high at the office and “jump from meeting room to meeting room, and then they’ll leave the facility, whereas there are other people that need the time in between the meetings to collect their thoughts. They definitely need a focused area or a work station,” she said.

This can explain why one colleague may genuinely miss having a personal desk as their office home, while another might sound thrilled at never working in a dedicated desk pod again.

Daniel Space, a human resources consultant with business partners in strategic staffing, said that when a company uses hot desks, it’s ideal to tie the day a person comes into the office to a work reason and not a random scheduling system, such as assigning days by last name. He said he’s seen tensions eased when people are given a heads up about who is sharing their desk and the expectations for desk etiquette.

In one job, his co-workers would get copied on emails that read, “So-and-so is happy to share their desk with you. Please be respectful of their space, their stuff, treat it as though it would be your own,” he said.

Pro tip: If you do find yourself sharing a desk, remember to clean up after yourself. People who have used shared desks told HuffPost that the best etiquette is to leave a desk the way you found it, and not to take computer chargers or chairs off of unused desks without asking first.

“My desk became kind of a dumping ground while I was out of the office,” Delamore said. “Random keyboards, office supplies, etc were just piled on it. I spent two hours my first day in the office just cleaning.”

There are Covid-19 considerations, too

Of course, this is not a normal time for sharing desks. A hot desk may be a pragmatic solution when there are fewer employees entering an office everyday, but it can also be one more deterrent for those employees who are already unenthused about going into the office during a pandemic.

Space said he consulted with a company that gave employees the option of sharing socially distant desks, as long as employees were responsible for cleaning the desk and signing in and signing out for contact tracing purposes.

“Two people used it,” he said. Especially now, with the rise of the Delta variant of Covid-19, “The idea of not only bringing employees back to work, but mandating that they share a space with another employee on alternating days, it a little bit sends a signal that they are prioritising the idea of a budget and saving on real estate costs at the risk of their employees,” Space said.

Covid has already delayed some organisations’ plans for co-working. Twitter, which was asking employees to reserve a desk before they chose to come into an office, told HuffPost that it recently made the decision to close its opened offices in New York and San Francisco, and pause future office re-openings, in light of the CDC’s updated guidelines.

Is the loss of a personal desk always a loss of connection?

One potential advantage to a shared desk is that it may help to create some healthy professional distance between employees and employer.

“I always hated doing a termination with someone who had a bunch of stuff at their desk, because in many cases we would not allow them to return to the office,” Space said. “Having people pack up all of your boxes after you put in 10 years at a company, all of that feels gross. By removing all of that… it helps continuously reinforce that at the end of the day, it’s a business relationship.”

Even when you don’t have a desk to claim as your own small bit of office real estate, there can still be ways to connect with co-workers and make a space your own. Bk Kwakye, an operations manager for a D.C.-based nonprofit that has been using hot desks since before the pandemic, said their office uses cork boards on walls and communal fridges as spaces for people to share holiday cards and photos.

“For me, it feels like an opportunity to share a little bit of your family,” Kwakye said. Space knew of co-workers who left a crossword puzzle for their deskmate to complete, one word a day.

And even when you don’t have an assigned desk, you can still personalize it. Delamore said that one upside to sharing a desk is that she knows who her office deskmate is and she can leave notes behind for her.

A recent one she left: “Happy Tuesday Friend! 🙂 Denise.”

Even with a shared desk, there can be creative ways to make connections with co-workers you don't see in person.

Even with a shared desk, there can be creative ways to make connections with co-workers you don’t see in person.
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