This Is What It’s Like To Go Through Menopause At Work

Lisa Miller likens her mind to a sieve when “menopause brain” hits at work.

“My co-workers will always be like, ‘Remember last week when we were talking about that slide?’ and I’m like, ‘Nope, I have no idea what you’re talking about,’” said Miller, a customer relations and document control specialist for an aerospace company in Virginia.

“It’s like my brain is a sieve, and just spots and memories go right through it, like a spaghetti strainer. It’s very frustrating. I know my colleagues do get frustrated. I get frustrated.“

Forgetfulness and having difficulty concentrating or thinking clearly are common symptoms, collectively known as “brain fog,” that can affect one-third to two-thirds of people going through menopause, according to researchers’ estimates.

It’s also one of the 34 documented symptoms associated with perimenopause, the phase before menopause when a person’s body starts making less oestrogen until eventually their ovaries stop releasing eggs. (Menopause itself is calculated as beginning on the 365th day since a person’s last period.)

Although menopause can be surgically or medically induced, there are usually no predictable starting and ending points when it occurs naturally. It often takes place between the ages of 45 and 55 ― critical career years when people typically take on more leadership and responsibilities at work and consider their legacies.

Perimenopause lasts for an average of about four years, but the menopause transition can stretch on for 14. This uncertain timeline can cause a lot of career anxieties. One 2014 survey in the US revealed that 12% of women admitted they had passed up a more demanding job or promotion because of their menopausal symptoms.

Because her brain fog interferes with her ability to do her job, Miller, who is 53, said she worries her menopause transition will last into her retirement.

“I’m hoping every day that it ends, but I’ve been told it could last seven to 10 years, which is terrifying,” Miller said.

Here’s what people told us about how menopause affects them at work, for better or worse, and what coping strategies and advice they have for how to put this transition in perspective.

There can be work-disrupting physical symptoms, like hot flushes and heavier periods.

For Kimberly Caprio, a Connecticut-based breast surgeon, it’s the hot flushes that make it obvious what she is going through. “When I take my gown off, it looks like a bucket of water was poured on my head,” she said.

“I don’t find it depressing or anything like that, it’s just annoying as hell.”

– Kimberly Caprio

Caprio said the excessive sweating she often experiences is inescapable and distracting while she is working. “I’m trying to concentrate on an operation; it’s rather annoying to be feeling the drips,” she said.

She’s currently looking into buying a cooling vest to wear with her hospital scrubs, but in the meantime, she said, “I just have to deal with it.” She also experiences heavier periods and cramping because of her menopause transition, and “when that happens on a long operating day, it’s never a disaster, but it’s always like ‘Ughhh.’ It’s another weight in the bag that you’re carrying.”

Putting symptoms in perspective is helpful, because they can last a while. A study by the Journal of the American Medical Association in 2015 found that menopausal people experience hot flushes and night sweats for a median of seven and a half years.

Menopause symptoms can be treatable, however. Health care providers can guide people through this time and suggest options including hormone and oestrogen therapy, non-hormonal alternatives, lifestyle changes or medications for specific symptoms.

“Many of these symptoms can be treated safely and effectively, and I try to raise that awareness in women,” Heather Hirsch, the director of Brigham and Women’s Hospital Menopause and Midlife Clinic, said on her hospital’s website. “It’s a time when many patients feel lost, frustrated and fearful — and a lot of that is unnecessary. Education and myth-busting have become big parts of my job.”

Caprio said she doesn’t attach negative meaning to the menopause experience, but she is waiting for hers to be over.

“I don’t find it depressing or anything like that; it’s just annoying as hell,” she said.

Workplace coping strategies include rehearsing, finding understanding among colleagues and taking lots of notes.

People face a choice when menopause symptoms become noticeable to their colleagues: talk about it or not? For many around the world, menopause in the workplace is still a taboo subject. In one British survey, about 47% of people who needed to take a day off due to menopause symptoms did not feel comfortable telling their bosses or colleagues the reason. In a separate survey across five countries, 44% of people who experienced menopause symptoms said they have felt too embarrassed to ask for support in the workplace.

After her first five months of menopause, Miller decided to not dance around the subject with her colleagues, most of whom are male, or make excuses for it. She felt it had become “super obvious” what was going on when she needed a fan on days when it was freezing outside.

“It is what it is. It’s a part of life,” she said. When she has brain fog, she said, “I just flat-out tell my co-workers: ‘You’re going to have to show me. Can you go into greater detail?’”

Sometimes she receives heavy sighs in response. But Miller said that for the most part, the men she works with are receptive because of other women in their lives.

“I have one co-worker whose wife is my age, so he totally gets it,” Miller said.

Tina Opie said she manages her brain fog by asking colleagues for what she really wants or needs without feeling guilty about it. A management researcher, founder of the Opie Consulting Group and a visiting Harvard Business School scholar, she also does additional prep work before teaching her classes.

“I will actually go through the slides, and I look crazy when I’m doing it, because I’m rehearsing what I’m going to say. Even the transitions in between slides, a joke I may tell … ,” she said. “Typically, I make my brain go through that process beforehand, because my short-term memory is definitely challenging.”

Another perimenopausal symptom she experiences is anger that flares quickly and stays. When she is in this emotion, Opie said, she has found it helpful to write before she speaks so that she can recognise and surface her own assumptions and extend grace, an important aspect of her leadership style.

If she is feeling invalidated or disrespected in public, for example, she asks herself, “Well, do they do that because I’m Black, because I’m a woman, because I’m 50? And then I try to write down alternative explanations for what they could have done. The writing forces me to slow down.”

Creating an open dialogue with co-workers and practicing individual coping strategies raise awareness, but Opie noted that there is an institutional responsibility, too.

“Roughly 50% of the population is going through menopause at the workplace. What are you doing from a systemic standpoint to make this an inclusive workplace?” she said.

An organisation’s answers don’t necessarily have to be elaborate, but they should be focused on supporting employees. Researchers have found that menopausal workers want their employers to offer four practical accommodations: fans, easy access to temperature control, the option to work remotely and including menopause in occupational health and safety and human resource policies.

“These steps are not just about alleviating symptoms,” management professors Kathleen Riach and Gavin Jack wrote at The Conversation. “They are about avoiding signalling that women of a certain age are an inconvenience or less valued as employees.”

But experiencing menopause at work is not always negative. In fact, it can be a gateway to a better or more improved career.

The physical symptoms of menopause aren’t fun, but the transition can also be a positive, freeing experience.

Omisade Burney-Scott, a North Carolina-based social justice advocate and the creator of “The Black Girls’ Guide to Surviving Menopause,” a podcast and multimedia project, said that too often menopause is reduced to a stereotype of “hot, sweaty, angry people without any context.”

“I feel like it’s giving me more permission to be really, really clear about the things that bring me joy, like the things that I enjoy doing, or the things that I enjoy offering or feel confident about offering to a workspace, or to social justice work or creative work,” she said. “And that feels really liberating.”

“It requires a level of focus on yourself that you may not have engaged in before.”

– Tina Opie, founder of the Opie Consulting Group

The experience pushed Claire Hattrick into pursuing a long-held passion. The aesthetician and blogger lives in Hampshire. In the UK, 900,000 women reported that they quit their jobs due to menopause symptoms in 2019.

When she went through menopause, Hattrick had “horrendous” joint pain that caused her to have to lie down on the floor between waxing clients. It eventually pushed her to work fewer hours, switch up the types of beauty treatments she performed and start blogging about her life, which ultimately turned into an additional career path.

Hattrick, who is now postmenopausal, said she sees positives in this outcome, including a new self-confidence: “It kind of makes you feel like you can take on the world almost. Like if you can deal with this, you can deal with anything.”

“If I hadn’t gone through this, I would have plodded on with the beauty [work],” Hattrick said. “It made me look at doing something I’ve always wanted to do. It’s almost forced me a little bit into saying, ‘Well, if I don’t jump ship now, I’m never going to do that.’“

Opie, too, said menopause can be a gateway for deeper career introspection and transitions, in the way turning 50 and going through perimenopause has been for her.

“It requires a level of focus on yourself that you may not have engaged in before,” she said. “You are trying to converge upon ‘what is going on with me,’ because you don’t know how to label this constellation of symptoms, and as a result, there is a self-focus that enters. …

“Now I’m applying this focus to ‘How do I feel about myself in this relationship, how do I feel about myself at work? How do I feel about myself in the mirror at night?’ It has led me to begin to explore all of those things and to try to change trajectories that I don’t find satisfactory.”

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Keeping Getting A UTI? Here Are Some Common Reasons Why

Urinary tract infections – or UTIs – can be painful, annoying and recurring, if you don’t take action to reduce the chances of getting one. While more common in women, as they have shorter urethras, meaning bacteria can pass through more easily, the issue also affects men.

Symptoms of a UTI include needing to pee suddenly or more often than usual, pain or a burning sensation when peeing, smelly or cloudy pee, blood in your pee, pain in your lower tummy, feeling tired and unwell, and in older people, changes in behaviour such as severe confusion or agitation.

If you notice any pain and continuous discomfort then definitely chat to your doctor about it. While it may just be symptoms of a UTI, which can be treated with antibiotics, doing a urine test can rule out any other conditions. There are also things to be mindful of if you want to stop getting regular UTIs.

Stella Ivaz, a urologist at London Bridge Urology, tells HuffPost UK: “We give patients lifestyle advice, and that usually includes good fluid intake, making sure you empty your bladder regularly so flushing the system. Wipe the correct way. And sex is a trigger so try voiding after intercourse so if a few bacteria did have the chance to make their way up, you try and empty that as soon as possible.”

Sound advice – and read on for more details on how best to avoid UTIs.

Not urinating properly

It sounds simple, but just make sure you finish peeing and completely empty your bladder before you get off the toilet.

You might not be aware but you may be leaving the bathroom with urine still left inside. To make sure you get it all out, you can try a method called double voiding.

This includes weeing, then standing for a few seconds, before trying again. You’ll see residual urine now coming out.

This is a good way of avoiding a UTI as static urine can build up over time and cause the infection.

Taking care after sex

During sex, all sorts of fluids are exchanged and different orifices are used, so naturally it’s going to include the swapping of bacteria.

The reason that sex increases the likelihood of UTIs is because the physical act of love-making causes a woman’s urethra to come into contact with bacteria from the genitals and anus – hers and a partner’s. After contact is made, it’s easy for bacteria to travel up into the urinary system and cause an infection.

This is one of the reasons that women experience more UTIs than men. In fact, close to 80% of premenopausal women who get a UTI had sex within the previous 24 hours. To avoid the chances of a UTI, make sure to pee after sex to flush out any potential bacteria.

Not wiping properly

This is another one which sounds simple but alas, it isn’t always done properly.

If you’re wiping from down up – as in, from the anus towards the vagina, then you’re likely inviting rectal bacteria into it. Not wiping properly can cause cystitis or (more common) urethritis.

Cystitis is usually caused by E. coli, a type of bacteria commonly found in the gastrointestinal tract. However, sometimes other bacteria are responsible. Sexual intercourse may also lead to cystitis, but you don’t have to be sexually active to develop it.

Urethritis can occur when gastrointestinal bacteria spreads from the anus to the urethra. Because the female urethra is close to the vagina, sexually transmitted infections, such as herpes, gonorrhoea, chlamydia and mycoplasma, can also cause urethritis.

Diabetes

Diabetes and urological health issues are closely connected. Diabetics are prone to UTIs because diabetes can impact blood flow, nerves and sensory function in the body, indirectly worsening urologic conditions.

Over time, people with diabetes may lose some sensory function. This can make it hard to know that you have to go to the bathroom. As a result, people may wait too long to go to the bathroom, or if the urine stays in the bladder too long, it may raise your chance for getting a bladder or kidney infection.

And finally, Covid

Don’t sound the panic alarm just yet, as Covid-19 itself doesn’t put you at risk of having a UTI. But treatments for the virus have caused UTIs in some cases. People who received steroids or had been catheterised during their treatment for Covid may be at greater risk of infection.

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The ‘Grey Areas’ Of Sexual Violence Aren’t Really Grey At All

For a decade, Rachel Thompson thought she’d had a fairly positive sex life. If someone had asked her if she’d ever experienced rape or sexual assault, she would have answered with a resounding: “No, I’ve been very lucky”. But in 2017, as the #MeToo movement reached its peak, the journalist started to reflect on past encounters.

One incident, when she was 19, continued to play on her mind. A guy she’d been seeing at university suggested they explore the woods together. He told her to lie down on a mound of moss. Before she knew what was happening, he’d straddled her body, sitting on her chest. The weight of him meant she couldn’t breathe. She panicked but told herself: “It’ll be over soon.” He ejaculated on her without saying a word, and they left.

“When I was 19, I didn’t see my experience as anything out of the ordinary,” she says. “No words sprang to mind in the aftermath of the experience – I simply had no vocabulary to express it.”

Reflecting on that night planted the seed for Thompson’s book, Rough, which explores sexual violence in the bedroom and the systems of oppression that enable it. A common theme is the suppression of one’s own trauma. Before writing the book, Thompson referred to her own experience as “bad sex” or “a grey area”, but she no longer uses those terms.

“That grey area did not stay a grey area for me,” she says. “I realised and came to terms earlier this year, right before my book was due, that actually, this was a sexual assault. It was pretty fucked up and it was really scary.”

Thompson has spoken to 50 women and non-binary people for the book, focusing on experiences of sexual violation that we find hard to talk about, because they don’t fit into the traditional boxes of “rape” or “violence”.

There’s issues like stealthing (the non-consensual removal of a condom during sex), cyberflashing (the sending of unsolicited dick pics) and non-consensual strangulation, which is a far cry from the consensual choking practised by some members of the BDSM community, with saftey precautions and safe words in place. There’s also the encounters we don’t have the words for, the moments that make women – and it is overwhelmingly women – feel a bit weird.

Catherine is among those who shared her experience with Thompson. She and a man were about to have sex for the second time. He said he didn’t have another condom, she said she didn’t have one either. He got up and said actually, he had one in the bathroom.

“In hindsight, he clearly picked our used condom out of the bin, rinsed it and reused it,” she says. “I vaguely noticed something was up at the time, but dismissed the suspicion/was too drunk to care, but thinking back that’s obviously what he did. Thinking back on the night it’s also clear that he was sober while I, although consenting, was very drunk.”

Catherine describes this encounter as something that made her “uncomfortable” during sex.

Abigail, another of the book’s interviewees, shares her experience of non-consensual choking. She met a guy on a dating app and everything was going great, until he unexpectedly put his hands on her throat and hit parts of her body. The experience left her confused.

“I’ve been sexually assaulted before and I was once dragged into a dark driveway by a man trying to rape me, in my head I didn’t feel like the two experiences – stranger in an alleyway and an attractive man on Bumble who texted me the next morning telling me how nice a time he had – were the same,” she says.

Abigail went on a second date with the man and asked him not to choke her again. He didn’t, but soon afterwards they lost touch. She says it took her a few months to recognise what had happened to her as sexual assault.

Rachel Thompson, author of Rough.

Rachel Thompson, author of Rough.

Thompson wanted to write the book “primarily for people who have experienced things that they just didn’t quite know how to put into words”. But she is clear that she doesn’t want to police the language women use on this topic either, or ban phrases such as “grey area” or “bad sex”.

“These are really personal experiences and our route to coming to terms with them and finding the words is a really personal journey,” she says. “You’re the person in charge of what you get to call your lived experiences and I don’t think we should allow anybody else to impose words or definitions on those experiences.”

Some campaigners remain concerned we don’t have the language to properly describe such encounters, and that women are being conditioned to dismiss incidences of violence.

If you’ve learned that your sex life must include violence, it’s incredibly hard to unpick why a violent assault felt so wrong,” Fiona MacKenzie, founder of the campaign group We Can’t Consent to This, tells HuffPost UK.

“It’s so normal to blame yourself for something awful that’s been done to you – and monstrously hard when the culture says you should smile and say you enjoyed it.

“Women also see what happens when others speak out against this – we get called prudes, virgins, vanilla, sex-negative… for campaigning on this. There is no shortage of perpetrators who want women to write off being assaulted as ‘just a crap shag’.”

The campaign group has heard from hundreds of women who’ve been violently assaulted in (until then) consensual sex.

“Most of them have been strangled,” says MacKenzie. “Violence against women is widespread, normalised. Society’s only just begun to push back on that in recent decades,” she adds. “We should be very suspicious of anyone telling us that violence is actually liberating. There don’t need to be grey areas – the default should be that men doing violence to women is unacceptable.”

Where is it coming from?

Porn is often blamed for the increase of violence in the bedroom and it certainly plays a part. Acts like choking, spitting and slapping are frequently shown, without any discussion on safe words and boundaries.

Such practices have been appropriated from the BDSM community, but do not reflect it; once in the mainstream, the key pillars of safety and consent are ignored. Such acts require deep trust, which is certainly difficult to establish on a first date and impossible to establish without an explicit conversation.

But porn is only part of the picture, says Thompson.

“It’s part of a landscape that also has a lack of sex education, and a lack of understanding about how consent functions, and how we should be seeking consent and negotiating consent for every individual sex act that takes place within a sexual interaction,” she says.

Brits in particular are alarmingly prudish about discussing what we do and don’t like in the bedroom, Thompson adds – and this is preventing us from establishing consent.

In the book, she hears from the anonymous sex educator @lalalaletmeexplain, who tells of one couple’s miscommunication around choking. Months into their relationship, the man asked the woman why she enjoys choking so much. She replied: “I don’t, to be honest, I do it because I thought you liked it.”

“People are getting these ideas, maybe from watching porn, and they think: ‘Oh, this is just what everyone’s doing now,’” says Thompson. “By not having the communication in those relationships and those sexual encounters, we’re not talking about what we want and what we don’t want.”

MacKenzie points out that images of sexual violence are not consigned to porn, or niche parts of the internet. She directs us to several Instagram hashtags, where images of young women with a hand around their neck are accessible in a few clicks. “Young women tell us that as tweens they learned that being strangled is an expression of passion,” she says. HuffPost UK approached Instagram for comment on this and will update with any response received.

When asking why this is happening, we also can’t forget that sex does not exist in a vacuum. Thompson’s book explores fatphobia, biphobia, white supremacy and transphobia – and how current systems of oppression impact our sexual experiences. It’s complex and endemic – and far too important to try to summarise in one article. But it’s clear that sex can never be an equaliser when it exists in a world of power imbalance.

What needs to happen?

On a macro level, we need systemic change to bring about sexual equality. There’s no quick-fix, but one thing that might help, is elevating all experiences of sexual violence.

“The #MeToo movement was founded by a black woman called Tarana Burke and I think she’s often erased,” says Thompson. “​​When the#MeToo movement exploded into public consciousness, it focused primarily on privileged white women. And that’s not to say that their stories are not valid or not worth listening to, but I think that we have to be so wary of the stories that we place at the forefront of these movements that we say speak for all survivors, because they don’t necessarily reflect all survivors.”

On a micro level, MacKenzie would like to see greater regulations of sexually violent images on social media. “We’re asking for the Online Safety Bill currently being considered by parliament to ensure that platforms stop normalising the violent assault of women – particularly those that welcome child users,” she says.

We Can’t Consent To This has already campaigned to make the use of non-fatal strangulation punishable by law as part of the 2021 Domestic Abuse Act. MacKenzie wants to see the law working in practice. “Women must be able to report choking and asphyxiation to police, and be taken seriously and not be blamed for these assaults,” she says. “We’d hope to see a significant increase in prosecutions for these assaults.”

Above all, both women want others to recognise the problems with these so-called “grey areas” of sex, and recognise that anything which makes an individual feel uncomfortable or unsafe is not “grey” at all.

The #MeToo movement may have prompted Thompson’s reflection and acknowledgment of assault, but now she thinks action is needed.

It really raised people’s awareness about the extent of sexual violence and how widespread it is in all levels of society, but I think that we need more than awareness now,” she says, “we need action: tangible, individual change.”

Rough by Rachel Thompson is out now.

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What Is The J-Lo Effect And How Can You Channel It?

You’re defying age and almost every other human standard? Congrats, you’ve unlocked the J-Lo effect. You’ve set the bar higher for everyone else? J-Lo effect once again. You’re dating a man whose hotness has now multiplied because of you? Ding-ding-ding, J-Lo effect.

Jennifer Lopez has done it all. Whether it’s frolicking under the Capri sun with her former flame Ben Affleck, showing off what the new 52 looks like, or just being a total badass at work, J-Lo is killing it.

The New York Times recently published an article marvelling at J-Lo’s professional and personal achievements, dubbing it the J-Lo Effect. The multi-hyphenate’s accomplishments include managing to secure $12 million (£8.6 million) to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol, plus booking a Las Vegas residency and the Super Bowl halftime show at 50.

Though she’s had her fair share of flops too, J-Lo has been able to do something other celebrities with a 30-year career have not: stayed relevant.

And her allure has been long recognised. The term J-Lo effect was first popularised in 2012 after Lopez’s American Idol success, setting off a string of other talent show judges asking for more pay.

A new context has also been added to the phrase – the desirability of Ben Affleck as a result of their pairing. By virtue of being with with her, Affleck is considered more desirable, or so the theory goes.

On Urban Dictionary, the J-Lo effect has a different meaning altogether – describing it as wearing tight trousers to make one’s butt look bigger.

To get more of an idea of this diverse concept, we spoke to Dr Hannah Hamad, a media and communication lecturer at Cardiff University, to ask what she understands the phrase to mean.

Jennifer Lopez performing in May 2021. 

Jennifer Lopez performing in May 2021. 

“The J-Lo effect is a phrase that has entered pop culture parlance and the celebrity gossip lexicon to refer to a phenomenon whereby the perceived sexual desirability of a man increases when he successfully couples with a woman who commentators and observers understand to exist in celebrity culture with higher levels of social, cultural and industry capital than him,” Dr Hamad explains. “In other words, she is ‘hotter’ than him, and she is ‘out of his league’.

“However, his levels of capital increase as a result of his association with her via their romantic or sexual relationship.”

Another connotation of the phrase is how Lopez bucks the trend for female celebrities being lambasted for ageing.

“In experiencing the levels of cultural cachet and industry power that she is at this time of her life (her 50s), she is bucking cultural and industry trends that have seen female stars criticised in the media for ageing appropriately – see for example the scorn that was heaped upon Renee Zellweger and the scrutiny to which she was subjected as a result of a noticeable change to her facial appearance in 2014,” Dr Hamad says. “Equally, we saw this in the ‘tragic spinster’ discourse that has attached itself to celebrity gossip media’s coverage of Jennifer Aniston in the post-Friends decades.”

She adds: “Lopez is not only escaping what previously appeared to be the inevitability of these cultural scripts of ‘bad ageing’ that attach themselves to female stars as they enter the mid-life decades, but is rather successfully channelling renewed confidence, energy and vitality into her celebrity career both on screen [her central figure in Hustlers is a glorious example of this] and beyond, as we see in the noteworthy levels of positive interest being taken in her reunion with Affleck.”

The rest of us might not have her fame and fortune, but we can certainly channel J-Lo’s big, baddie energy.

Life coach Kiran Singh says it’s more a state of mind. “Confidence is a daily practice. You need to connect with yourself and call out the limiting thoughts every single day,” she tells HuffPost UK. “You need to get yourself to a point where you become your own best friend, your own coach and your own cheerleader. Where you know how to talk yourself through moments of doubt and pump yourself up to take action.”

Singh believes confidence is a “by-product of action”, so you need to develop your own hype routine to pump yourself up to take action.

“Learn to love and validate yourself so that the opinions of others are irrelevant,” she says. “You do this by getting to know yourself and what you like about yourself and living in alignment with that and by overcoming the limiting stories that you are not enough through reprogramming your mindset.”

And lastly, remember “confidence is an ever-evolving journey, and the development of it is one that you will be on forever”. So if you’re not Jenny from the yacht just yet, there’s still time.

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TikTokkers Are Exposing All The Lazy Ways Men Write Women

If you’re watching a film or TV show and see a young woman dressed all in black with a grungy hairstyle and a resting bitch face, be warned – she’s probably a feminist character written by a man.

Or perhaps there’s an impossibly attractive woman doing some cooking, alone, wearing just an oversized white T-shirt and socks, as she dances around the kitchen, using a whisk as a microphone.

Such is the single dimension of some women characters on screen and in fiction, often written by men. And TikTokkers are exposing the lazy writing.

Female creators on the video-sharing app are acting out all the unrealistic ways women are often characterised: sexy, seductive, clumsy, and whimsical, their looks and tics a cue to their inner soul.

Actor and content creator Caitlin Reilly was among the first to the trend, satirising how a woman in sci-fi films is often depicted: you know, the geeky scientist who probably wears glasses and keeps her hair in a tight ponytail, and is so dedicated to her work, she has no time for love or a social life.

Reilly’s breakout video, which includes such lines as “I’m a woman and a scientist, I can’t be both good at my job and nice”, has been watched more than a million times.

She has also mocked action movies for the way they paint women; helpless, emotional, forgetful. “I forgot the box of things that are very special to me, I have to go back”, and the hysterical mum shouting “please find my daughter,” are lines that have seriously tickled her Instagram followers, too.

Over on TikTok, the trend has blown up in recent days, soundtracked by Portishead, as young women ridicule the way they’re written into fiction in the most mundane scenarios, from having breakfast to going to sleep, from putting on their makeup to taking it off, from reading to dating to chewing gum.

In one clip, a woman experiencing a break-up sits wistfully, wearing just a top – many of these portrayals are trouser-less – as she licks ice cream seductively off a spoon. Ice cream is a big thing in the land of the male gaze, it seems.

In fact, many of these #writtenbymen clips are tagged #malegaze, spreading feminist theory about the problems with women being depicted from a masculine and heterosexual (indeed sexual) perspective to a new generation.

As well as drawing attention to sexism in screenwriting, some of the videos also touch on long-established and fetishising depictions of women of colour, of disabled women, and of trans women, as shown by creator AJClementine.

You’ll see what we mean when you check out others videos tagged into the trend. And while you’re watching them, please remember no woman in history has ever taken off her glasses to realise that she was beautiful all along.

She was “all that” already – without the nerd-to-hottie makeover by a man.

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7 In 10 Disabled Women Experience Sexual Harassment At Work

Seven in 10 disabled women say they have been sexually harassed at work, increasing to almost eight in 10 among those aged 18 to 34.

These shocking statistics, which compare to 52% of women in general, are from a new report published by the the TUC that surveyed 2,003 disabled women about their careers. Of those, 1,162 respondents agreed to answer questions about their experiences of sexual harassment at work.

It’s been more than four years since the #MeToo movement took over our social media feeds, but this is the first major study into the sexual harassment of disabled women at work in Great Britain. As the report highlights, “the voices and experiences of disabled women have too infrequently been highlighted”.

Common experiences shared by those surveyed included unwanted sexual advances (38%), unwanted touching (36%), and unwanted sexual touching/sexual assault (18%).

One in 25 said they had experienced a serious sexual assault or rape at work.

The research also suggests that many disabled women experience multiple forms of harassment in the workplace, with more than half of respondents (54%) saying they had experienced two or more types of sexually harassing behaviour, and 45% saying they had experienced three or more. “This points to workplace cultures where sexual harassment is a frequent and normalised occurrence rather than an isolated incident,” the authors said.

The report identified great hesitancy among disabled women in reporting harassment at work. Two thirds (67%) of those who had experienced it did not report the harassment to their boss the most recent time it happened, with 39% saying this was because they did not believe they would be taken seriously.

Some said they were worried it would have a negative impact on their career or work relationships. Other reasons included not thinking they would be believed or thinking they would be blamed if they reported the incident.

And unfortunately, of those who did report the most recent instance of sexual harassment, more than half (53%) said it was not dealt with satisfactorily.

Unsurprisingly, this is having a huge impact on the wellbeing of women.

Around one in three (34%) of those who disclosed harassment in the survey said their experiences had a negative impact on their mental health and more than one in five (21%) said it negatively affected their relationships with colleagues.

The experiences caused one in eight (12%) to leave their job or employer entirely. This is particularly troubling given disabled women already face significant barriers to getting into work and getting paid the same as non-disabled workers.

TUC research in October 2020 found that disabled women earned 36% less than non-disabled men. The analysis also found a huge unemployment gap; disabled women were 32.6% more likely to be unemployed when compared to non-disabled men.

“Four years on from the explosion of #MeToo on a global scale, employers still aren’t doing enough to make sure women are safe at work. It’s time for every employer to take responsibility for protecting their staff from sexual harassment,” said TUC General Secretary Frances O’Grady.

“Ministers must change the law to make employers protect workers from sexual harassment specifically, and from all forms of harassment by customers and clients. Anyone worried about sexual harassment at work should get in touch with their union.”

Useful helplines and websites:

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Birth Injuries Are Leaving Some Mums Wishing They’d Never Had Kids

One in four women who experience a severe injury during birth regret having their child. It’s taboo to admit, but with more than 600,000 women giving birth in England and Wales alone each year, we need to talk about this.

A new survey of mothers affected by birth injuries lays bare the physical and psychological impact on women, which can last years into their child’s life.

The overwhelming majority (85%) of mothers who suffered severe injuries say their experience damaged their relationship with their child, with 14% saying this harm was permanent. One in three (34%) said they saw their child as the cause of the injury while, heartbreakingly, three in 10 (31%) thought their child would be better off without them.

The research, from birth injury charity The MASIC Foundation, surveyed 325 women who self-identified as having suffered severe perineal trauma when giving birth. The sample size may be small, but the research adds to growing concern about women’s health outcomes after giving birth in the UK.

While it’s important to acknowledge that millions of women around the world give birth each year without problems, it’s equally important to say this isn’t always the case – and women are increasingly talking about their negative experiences and demanding better care.

HuffPost UK has previously reported on the gaps in NHS postpartum care that widened during the pandemic. In a separate survey of mums, the majority (91%) said they were not given enough advice during pregnancy about postpartum recovery.

We also know that Black women are five times more likely to die during childbirth than white women. A controversial proposal to tackle this – inducing labour at 39 weeks for pregnant black, Asian and minority ethnic women as a matter of course – has been called “racist” by some doctors and midwives.

In the latest research, 78% of women surveyed said they have traumatic memories of birth and 52% said they face embarrassment due to symptoms of their injury.

This rings true for Catherine*, who had a prolonged labour following induction with her son, which then required an episiotomy and ventouse (vacuum delivery).

She had a third-degree tear (defined as a tear that extends into the anal sphincter), but it was initially misdiagnosed as a second-degree tear, meaning she wasn’t offered the correct treatment. Her undiagnosed injury left her in too much pain to sit down or attend mother and baby groups, leaving her “essentially house-bound” for her maternity leave. After a year – and hitting a brick wall with the NHS – she accessed help at a private clinic.

The damage has been permanent, though, and she’s still prone to toilet urgency and accidents. Catherine now carries pads, wipes, Imodium and spare underwear everywhere she goes. She quit a job she loved as she was struggling to manage her condition, and has been diagnosed with PTSD.

““My confidence, my me-ness, the essence of who I am, has been destroyed.”

– Catherine, 44, Bristol

“My confidence, my me-ness, the essence of who I am, has been destroyed,” says the 44-year-old, from Bristol. “My relationships with my child and my partner have suffered.”

Catherine has struggled to talk to friends about her experience – or even watch programmes when childbirth is mentioned – and has counselling each year in the run-up to her son’s birthday.

“With my son, I love him dearly, he is the best thing in my life, but his birth caused the injury and it is difficult to square the two,” she says.

“Every year I dread his birthday and the reminders of my traumatic experience. It is not fair on him or on me – his birthdays are not a happy occasion, but every year I have to pretend it is.”

While her partner has been understanding, Catherine says “he also carries his own guilt about what happened”. Their physical relationship has also been impacted hugely. “I feel like a shell of my former self at times,” she adds.

Like Catherine, 69% of mothers surveyed said the impact of a birth injury was both physical and emotional. Almost half (45%) said they have had postnatal depression as a result and 29% said it has affected their ability to breastfeed their baby, with 18% stopping earlier than planned.

Elizabeth*, who now has a 10-year-old daughter, describes the period after birth as the “worst time of [her] entire life” and is still impacted by her birth injury a decade later.

Aged 30, she had a fourth-degree tear (a tear that extends further into the lining of the anus). Six days after delivery, she passed faeces vaginally and was in extreme pain. She was then readmitted to hospital and found to have a recto-vaginal fistula, causing an infection in her vagina and bowel.

““I am ashamed to say that at times I wished I had never become a mother and I grieved for the life I had before.””

– Elizabeth, 40, Hampshire

Although she’s had further treatment, she still experiences rectal incontinence, which has affected her ability to socialise and work. “I often avoid eating out as this stimulates my bowel,” says the now 40-year-old, from Hampshire. “I always need to know where the toilets are.”

Her birth injury meant Elizabeth was forced to give up her beloved hobbies of horse riding and swimming. For a long time, she was in too much pain to even walk her dog. “I am ashamed to say that at times I wished I had never become a mother and I grieved for the life I had before,” she says. “I paid such a high price to have a baby.”

Jen Hall, a MASIC spokesperson, is sadly unsurprised by Catherine and Elizabeth’s stories, after having a “brutal forceps delivery” that left her with physical and psychological damage herself.

“Nobody warns you that having a child can leave you with life-changing injuries and no woman should have to go through this without support and proper medical care,” she says.

Most of these injuries are “entirely preventable”, she adds – the result of something going wrong during birth or a failure to identify risk factors beforehand, according to MASIC. The charity is calling on the government and the NHS to roll out a programme of training for medical professionals.

The Obstetric Anal Sphincter Injury (OASI) care bundle – a package of training which has been praised by the Royal College of Midwives – has been trialled in 16 maternity units across the NHS and is being extended to a further 20, but this still leaves three in four (76%) maternity units yet to be reached.

The charity is calling for it to be rolled out nationwide. They’ve also set out a seven-point plan for better care, calling for:

  1. Improved identification, diagnosis and treatment of birth injuries in the NHS.

  2. An education programme for obstetricians and midwives so that severe injuries are recognised at birth and treated in line with best evidence.

  3. A primary care education programme so that all women are asked at contacts following birth about signs and symptoms of OASI/incontinence, with appropriate referral pathways for those with symptoms in line with the NHS long-term plan.

  4. Information about the risks of OASI given to all women antenatally.

  5. Women’s concerns to be listened to and not dismissed as “normal” postnatal experiences.

  6. Specialised psychological treatment and support for women after OASI injury and an end to the stigma and taboo of talking about these injuries.

  7. Dedicated OASI clinics nationwide.

HuffPost UK has contacted NHS England and the Department for Health and Social Care for a response. We’ll update this article if they provide a statement.

Without change, women like Catherine do not feel like they can have a second child. “I feel like I was someone the birth just happened to,” she says. “At the time I was happy to place my faith in the medical professionals dealing with me; I had no reason not to. Whilst birth is normal, natural and inevitable, and women’s bodies are designed to do it, unfortunately as we all know it isn’t always that simple. The people who were meant to help me through it let me down.”

• Surnames have been omitted to offer anonymity to interviewees.

Useful websites and helplines

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.

Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).

CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.

The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk

Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

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It’s 2021 And TV Adverts Are Still Implying Only Women Clean

A television ad for a scrubbing device has been banned for suggesting cleaning the home is a responsibility uniquely associated with women.

Cue major eye rolls.

The three-minute television ad for the JML Hurricane Spin Scrubber, seen in March, depicted several women using the cleaning tool in the bathroom, kitchen and elsewhere in the home.

In the ad, four women describe their experiences with the tool, saying: “I have a very busy household. People are in and out of my shower all the time”, “I love using the extension pole to get the rings out of the bathtub”, and “I’ve given this to my mother as a gift, and it’s changed the way she cleans. I don’t have to worry about her slipping and falling”.

We don’t know about you, but we’re getting a serious throwback to the 90s, when an 11-year-old Meghan Markle campaigned against a sexist TV advert. The future Hollywood star and royal wrote a letter to Proctor & Gamble to protest their ad for Ivory dishwasher soap that claimed “women all over America are fighting greasy pots and pans”.

Three decades on, it seems little has changed.

A screenshot of the advert, provided to HuffPost UK by the ASA

A screenshot of the advert, provided to HuffPost UK by the ASA

In the banned ad for the Hurricane Spin Scrubber, one woman said she had previously been “embarrassed” to have people over to her house because of limescale deposits but no longer worried after using the product.

“I love having people over to come inspect my kitchen and my bathrooms,” she said, before a male voiceover concluded: “To get your hands on the Hurricane Spin Scrubber and a sparkling clean home call now…”.

A viewer complained to the Advertising Standards Agency (ASA) on the grounds the ad perpetuated harmful gender stereotypes by depicting women in a role that was stereotypically female and implying only women cleaned or were interested in cleaning products.

John Mills Ltd, trading as JML, said the ad had been broadcast since 2017, focused on the functionality of the product and featured two shots of men.

The firm said the ad did not suggest cleaning was only associated with women or that a man was unable to undertake any of the featured tasks.

A screenshot of the advert, provided to HuffPost UK by the ASA

A screenshot of the advert, provided to HuffPost UK by the ASA

Advertising clearance agency Clearcast said the ad did not at any point suggest that cleaning was associated with women only.

However, upholding the complaint, the ASA noted that ads may feature people undertaking gender-stereotypical roles, such as showing women cleaning, but they should take care to avoid suggesting that stereotypical roles or characteristics were always uniquely associated with one gender.

The ASA said the four women’s testimonials “contained a number of explicit references to cleaning up after other people and implied feelings of shame at other people seeing an unclean home”. There was no implication that the men briefly featured in the ad would share such responsibilities or feelings.

“We considered the cumulative effect of the four testimonials, the prominence of people cleaning who were easily identifiable as women, and the lack of easily identifiable men, perpetuated the stereotype that it was a woman’s responsibility to take pride in the appearance and cleanliness of their home, and to clean up after other people,” said the ASA. “It also perpetuated the idea that women should be judged on the cleanliness of their home.”

The ASA ruled that the ad must not appear again in its current form, adding: “We told JML to ensure their advertising did not present gender stereotypes in a way that was likely to cause harm, including by suggesting that cleaning the home was a responsibility uniquely associated with women.”

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Pregnant Women Are Getting Antibodies From Covid-19 Jabs

The Covid-19 vaccines by Pfizer and Moderna are “highly effective” in producing antibodies against the coronavirus in pregnant and breastfeeding individuals, according to new research.

In the largest study of its kind to date, researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital, Brigham and Women’s Hospital and the Ragon Institute demonstrated the vaccines are not just effective in protecting pregnant women, but they pass on protective immunity to newborn babies through breastmilk and the placenta.

In the UK, pregnant women aren’t able to have the Covid-19 vaccine unless they have an underlying health condition that puts them more at risk from the virus, or they work in a profession that increases their exposure.

This is because there’s a lack of safety data from trials of the jabs. The Joint Committee on Vaccination and Immunisation (JCVI), which is responsible for prioritising who gets the vaccine, says although available data doesn’t indicate safety concerns or harm to pregnancy, there’s insufficient evidence to recommend routine use of Covid-19 vaccines during pregnancy.

Women are, however, able to have the jab if they’re breastfeeding.

In the US, women can choose to have the vaccine. The study, published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology (AJOG), looked at 131 women of reproductive age – 84 were pregnant, 31 were lactating and 16 were not pregnant. All of the women received one of two new mRNA vaccines: Pfizer/BioNTech or Moderna.

Scientists discovered that in all three groups, antibody levels were present and similar – and, reassuringly, side effects after vaccination were rare and comparable across the study participants.

The news of “excellent vaccine efficacy” is “very encouraging” for pregnant and breastfeeding women, who were left out of the initial Covid-19 vaccine trials, said Dr Andrea Edlow, a maternal-foetal medicine specialist at Massachusetts General Hospital and co-senior author of the new study.

“Filling in the information gaps with real data is key,” she said, “especially for our pregnant patients who are at greater risk for complications from Covid-19.”

The study is important because we know individuals who are pregnant are more vulnerable to Covid-19. Research led by the University of Birmingham and the World Health Organisation (WHO) suggests the risk of pregnant women being admitted to intensive care or needing ventilation is higher than non-pregnant reproductive-aged women with the virus.

Pregnant women are also at increased risk of severe Covid-19 if they’re from ethnic minority backgrounds, or if they have pre-existing conditions like obesity, high blood pressure and diabetes.

For the latest study on antibodies in pregnant people, the team also compared vaccination-induced antibody levels to those induced by natural infection with Covid-19 in pregnancy, and found significantly higher levels of antibodies from vaccination.

Vaccine-generated antibodies were also present in all umbilical cord blood and breastmilk samples taken from the study, showing the transfer of antibodies from mothers to newborns.

In Florida recently, a new mother made headlines after her baby girl was born healthy and with Covid-19 antibodies – the frontline health care worker had received the Moderna jab three weeks before giving birth.

“We now have clear evidence the Covid vaccines can induce immunity that will protect infants,” said Galit Alter, of the Ragon Institute and co-senior author of the study.

A new study has found the vaccines are effective at producing antibodies in pregnant women – and these antibodies have been found to pass on to their newborns too.

A new study has found the vaccines are effective at producing antibodies in pregnant women – and these antibodies have been found to pass on to their newborns too.

The research was also able to provide an insight into potential differences between the immune response elicited by the Pfizer vaccine compared to the Moderna vaccine. Levels of mucosal (IgA) antibodies were higher after the second dose of Moderna compared to the second dose of Pfizer.

The finding is important for all individuals, since SARS-CoV-2 is acquired through mucosal surfaces like the nose, mouth and eyes, said Kathryn Gray, an obstetrician at Brigham and Women’s Hospital and another author of the study.

“It also holds special importance for pregnant and lactating women because IgA is a key antibody present in breastmilk,” she added.

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The 10 Most Popular Songs To Give Birth To

The most popular songs to give birth to have been revealed – and Salt-N-Pepa’s Push It is shockingly absent.

Instead, mums-to-be seem to favour a chilled vibe, with Jack Johnson’s Better Together taking the top spot. The 2005 hit featured in more than half of the birth-related playlists analysed, with 460,197,498 plays on Spotify.

I Won’t Give Up by Jason Maraz came in second, featuring on 26 of the playlists with 530,386,616 plays overall. Meanwhile Make You Feel My Love by Adele took the third spot with 613,094,614 plays and appearing on 25 playlists.

Although he failed to make the top three, Ed Sheeran was the most popular birthing partner artist overall, with two of his songs making an appearance in the top 10.

The researchers, working with Supplement Place, collated a list of 16,000 songs using playlists created by users that included the words “childbirth”, “birthing”, “birth”, “labour”, “birthing at home” and “hypnobirthing”.

As well as looking at which songs and artists appeared most often, they looked at the average beats per minute (BPM) across all of the songs.

The average BPM was 118, which is around the same speed as Alicia Keys, If I Ain’t Got You, Mae Robinson’s What a Wonderful World and Patricia by Florence and The Machine.

The research follows previous analysis, which identified Jeremih’s All The Time as the most popular track to have sex to, with Often by The Weeknd and Genuine’s Pony also making the top 10.

Those lyrics have a lot to answer for.

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