Menopause Has 62 Different Symptoms. How Many Can You Name?

Once you get to a certain age as a woman, you will know that menopause is around the corner.

And with that, comes the symptoms. Hot flushes are all but synonymous with the menopause, even though not all women experience them. And you’ll probably think there are a handful more, too. Well, you’re wrong.

Doctors report there are actually 62 different symptoms of menopause that women present with. That’s despite the biggest study yet into menopause awareness finding most women associate it with just five symptoms.

Hygiene and health company Essity surveyed 5,000 women pre-menopause, in peri, or post menopause – and found even women who are at the end of their journey remain relatively clueless about what they have been through

While 40% of women going through or having gone through the menopause have visited their GP to get help with symptoms, two thirds of women didn’t know menopause decreases sex drive and a whopping 74% didn’t realise it could be linked with weight gain.

Meanwhile, only 1% of women surveyed were aware it can cause changes in their vagina and how often they pee.

Menopause specialist Dr Naomi Potter reveals that tinnitus, UTIs, weaker bones and a change in body odour also feature in the list of menopause symptoms.

And worryingly, there’s a lack of knowledge of when it all kicks in, she says.

“Women believe they can’t experience symptoms in their forties because they’re not old enough, or their symptoms aren’t menopausal – when in fact if they’re over 45, it’s likely they are,” Potter says.

A spokesperson for Essity said: “[These] findings tell us that it’s a heavily misunderstood subject and the taboo surrounding it means women aren’t accessing the information and advice that could really help them.”

So what are the 62 symptoms of menopause?

  1. Palpitations

  2. Chest pain

  3. Breast tenderness

  4. Itchy skin

  5. Dry Skin

  6. Rosacea

  7. Acne

  8. Thin skin

  9. Collagen loss

  10. Crying

  11. Brain Fog

  12. Memory Loss

  13. Poor concentration

  14. Word finding difficulty

  15. Anxiety

  16. Low mood

  17. Worsening PMS

  18. Anger/ Rage /

  19. Irritability

  20. Headache

  21. Migraines

  22. Joint Pain

  23. Joint stiffness

  24. Vaginal Dryness

  25. Vaginal discharge

  26. Vulval itch

  27. Perineal itch

  28. Vulval/ vaginal electric shocks

  29. Increase in thrush

  30. Increase in BV

  31. Poor libido

  32. High libido

  33. Weight gain

  34. Scalp Hair loss

  35. Unwanted Hair growth

  36. Urinary Infections

  37. Urinary incontinence

  38. Urinary urgency

  39. Nocturia (getting up at night)

  40. Sexual Dysfunction

  41. Chest Tighness

  42. Constipation

  43. Gastric reflux

  44. Fatigue

  45. Night Sweats

  46. Hot flushes

  47. Cold flushes

  48. Period increased frequency

  49. Periods decreased frequency

  50. Heavier periods

  51. Muscle Loss

  52. Tinnitus

  53. Dry eyes

  54. Watery eyes

  55. Burning mouth

  56. Gum disease

  57. Foot pain

  58. Frozen shoulder

  59. Insomnia

  60. Histamine sensitivity

  61. New allergy

  62. Body odour change

Share Button

What Sex Therapists Tell People Who’ve Never Had An Orgasm

If you’ve never had an orgasm, it’s easy to feel like your body is defective. But the reality is, there are many things that can contribute an inability to orgasm and plenty of ways to address it – it’s not hopeless!

According to Sadie Allison, a sexologist, author and founder of sex toy retailer TickleKitty, being “anorgasmic,” as it’s sometimes called, could be attributed to “inhibitions in the bedroom, cultural or religious beliefs that make it hard to mentally relax, medical conditions or taking medications, sexual hang-ups from past experiences, and relationship or intimacy issues.”

Past trauma, subconscious feelings of shame or fear, body discomfort, anxiety or even just lack of knowledge about anatomy can also be factors in anorgasmia.

“One of the main reasons, however, is a lack in education around sexual anatomy, arousal and response, pleasure and the clitoris,” Allison adds. “Unfortunately they don’t teach this important information in school. But the good news is, this is something that can be practiced and learned with success!”

But how exactly should you go about learning and practicing if you’ve never had an orgasm? Below, Allison and other sex therapists share their advice.

First, recognise that there’s nothing wrong with you

If you’ve never had an orgasm, it’s important to understand that you are not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you. This is a not-uncommon experience, especially for people with vulvas.

In fact, studies suggest that roughly 10% of women have never had an orgasm, and 50% do not experience orgasm during sexual intercourse.

“You are not broken,” says Kate Balestrieri, a sex therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy. “Orgasms and pleasure can be complex, layered, and unpredictable, especially if you have less experience with sex that you enjoy. Refrain from judging or shaming yourself if you have not yet experienced an orgasm.”

Try getting to know your body

“Most people will find their first orgasm through self pleasuring vs. with a partner,” says sex and relationship coach Keeley Rankin. “This is because being with a partner offers a whole new complex dynamic. And while potentially sexy and fun, for folks who are looking for an orgasm, it is typically more stress inducing.”

Instead, start with your own body, by yourself. Explore which zones are your hot spots and get comfortable masturbating.

“Choose a place where you feel you have privacy and make yourself comfortable,” advises Nazanin Moali, a sex therapist and host of the Sexology podcast.

She recommends building psychological arousal by reading or listening to sexually explicit or romantic content, whatever turns you on.

Sex therapists recommend spending time by yourself getting to know your body.

Miki Onigiri / EyeEm via Getty Images

Sex therapists recommend spending time by yourself getting to know your body.

“When you feel aroused, I recommend that you start with a body scan from head to toe and make a note of all the sensations in your body,” Moali says.

Consider gently massaging lotion all over your body. Take deep breaths in and out to release any tension.

“Start with touching and caressing your face and neck and explore different types of strokes,” she advises. “The goal for the first few times is to get to know different sensations in your body. Set the intention to get to know your body and explore it without putting any pressure. When you are ready, slowly move to your genital area and pay attention to the types of stroke that feel good.”

You can use your fingers or a vibrator or other sex toy in your exploration. Familiarise yourself with lots of different sensations.

Remove the focus on orgasm as the goal

“I initially take orgasm off the table as a goal,” says sex therapist and psychologist Megan Fleming. “The goal is getting back to the basics of giving and receiving pleasure. The pressure of having an orgasm as a goal is often a big part of what inhibits their arousal response.”

Rather than concentrating on having an orgasm, try to focus on the pleasure of arousal, connection with your body or your partner’s body, creativity and general enjoyment.

“Re-conceptualise your expectations for sex,” Balestrieri says. “So many people organise themselves around penetration and orgasm being the pinnacle and goal for pleasure. But that perpetuates a performative experience of sex and limits the countless other opportunities for pleasure that can increase the likelihood of an orgasm. Changing the goal from having an orgasm to experiencing pleasure and fun can paradoxically make orgasms more accessible.”

“There is no magic pill for finding an orgasm. It is often a deep dive into your own sexuality, emotional wounds, psychological blocks, beliefs, as well as learning new skills.”

– Keeley Rankin, sex and relationship coach

Get cliterate

“The sexual encounters we see depicted in film primarily depict penetrative sex,” says Zoë Ligon, a sex educator and founder of Spectrum Boutique. “And while some people can orgasm through penetration alone, the vast majority of people need external stimulation or external stimulation paired with internal stimulation in order to achieve orgasm. We as a culture ignore clitoral stimulation, as well as the time that is needed to build up arousal in order to achieve orgasm.”

She hopes society will continue to move away from penetrative intercourse as the standard definition of “sex” and seeks to educate people with vulvas and their partners about the importance of the clitoris – the small erogenous organ with highly sensitive nerve endings – in reaching orgasm.

“Become cliterate,” echoes Allison. “If you’re still learning where your clitoris is, or how to pleasure it, this is your starting point. The clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings and is the main epicentre of orgasm creation. While there are other types of orgasms like G-spot, penetrative, anal, they are more advanced, so consider exploring those after you become your own clitoral expert.”

Advocate for your pleasure

When it comes to sex with a partner, good communication is crucial. Everyone is different, so don’t be shy in sharing how you like you like to be touched.

“Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what feels good and what doesn’t,” advises Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a sex therapist and assistant professor of psychiatry at UCLA School of Medicine. “You’d be surprised what a conversation about sexual preferences and fantasies can accomplish. If you are too embarrassed to talk to your partner about sex, you are missing out on an opportunity to increase your sexual satisfaction.”

Of course, the conversation can be uncomfortable, especially with a new partner, but having an open dialogue will bring you closer.

“Orgasm is about surrendering to the moment, to your body’s pleasure, and to another person,” says Jenni Skyler, a sex therapist and director of The Intimacy Institute. “If you are with a new partner, trust is still developing, and thus surrendering to a new person can be tricky.”

Whatever you do, don’t fake an orgasm, or stop doing it if you’ve already developed that habit.

“At times, women fake orgasms in an attempt to please their partner,” Moali says. “However, through this, you are also sending the wrong information to your partner about what works for you. Instead, focus on slowing down and getting curious about what types of touches feel good in your body. Spending more time engaging in foreplay will help you build enough arousal, thereby shortening the arousal gap between you and your partner.”

Don't be afraid to experiment with different sex toys, erotica and more.

Mikhail Reshetnikov / EyeEm via Getty Images

Don’t be afraid to experiment with different sex toys, erotica and more.

Keep experimenting

Never stop trying new things, from techniques to toys. Resnick Anderson suggested vocalizing as a tip to facilitate orgasm.

“Research has shown that expressing sounds of pleasure during sex can increase capacity for orgasm,” she explains. “Women are also more likely to climax during coitus if they can control the speed, depth, and angle of penetration with positions like cowgirl or reverse cowgirl.”

Resnick Anderson also recommends trying different kinds of porn, like more female-friendly videos or erotic writing. Even something as simple as keeping your socks on might make you feel more comfortable and relaxed.

“Activate as many senses as possible,” she adds, noting that some people struggle to get out of their heads and into their bodies. “The more sensations one experiences at the same time, the easier it is to connect to your body. Tantalise your senses by engaging your hearing, vision, tastebuds, sense of smell, and sense of touch all at once. When our brains are busy listening, smelling, tasting, seeing, and touching, it’s easier to ignore intrusive or anxious thoughts.”

Invest in a new vibrator or other sex toys for solo or partnered sex. Try a lubricant. And pay attention to the different kinds of sensory experiences that give you pleasure, or even turn you on.

“Don’t limit yourself to what you think should turn you on, and instead give yourself permission to explore a full range of fantasies or erotic material, so you can learn what your body responds to,” Balestrieri says. “Refrain from judging yourself. Fantasies are just fantasies and do not say anything about your character. Often, fantasies give us access to an emotional or sensory experience that we can’t (and may not even want to) experience in real life. Think of fantasies and sex as play, and let yourself colour with vibrance.”

Seek professional help

If you’re concerned about your inability to orgasm, you may also consider seeking professional help.

“First and foremost, go to a sexual medicine specialist to ensure nothing physically going on – hormone issues, pelvic pain, tissue issues,” advises sex therapist and educator Nicoletta Heidegger. “Not just a regular [gynaecologist] or urologist – someone who has specialised training in sexual medicine and sexual functioning.”

If there are no discernible medical issues, she recommended then reaching out to a sex therapist, sex coach or sexological bodyworker to continue your journey.

There are also a number of apps, books other resources that might be useful. Heidegger recommended Come as You Are and Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz. Ligon is a fan of Girls & Sex by Peggy Orenstein.

“Check out the app OMG Yes, Beducated, or Vanessa Marin’s Finishing school,” Heidegger says. “With many other topics like driving or changing a tire, we learn, and practice or take classes. There is no shame in this not coming naturally – pun intended. You may need practice, help, tools, education, and support, which is totally OK.”

It can also be helpful to talk to a mental health professional about any negative feelings or past experiences around sex.

“Address any shame you feel about sex,” Balestrieri says. “Shame – unless it’s part of your kink – is an inhibiting experience. It makes us feel small and unworthy, and when it comes to pleasure and the permission one gives themselves to feel pleasure, shame is a huge barrier to orgasm.”

Be patient

“I explain right away to my clients that this is often a long journey ― not to scare anyone, but to create realistic expectations for what they can expect,” Rankin said. “There is no magic pill for finding an orgasm. It is often a deep dive into your own sexuality, emotional wounds, psychological blocks, beliefs, as well as learning new skills.”

Patience is key. Be prepared to spend a lot of time with your body and try to remain relaxed and optimistic. Focus on the fun exploration and in-the-moment sensations.

“Stay positive and be patient,” Allison said. “Don’t be discouraged or feel something is wrong with you. Sometimes it could simply be a new rubbing technique or vibrator that surprises you with that special sensation, or even a new partner that brought that special something. Hang in there and enjoy as you explore and try new things. Remember, it’s a journey, not a race. And you’re so worth it!”

Share Button

There Are 3 Types Of Female Orgasm, According To A Male Professor

The big ‘O’, the climax also known as an orgasm. Sure you can have fun without one, but, let’s be honest, ut’s the part of sex we all want to experience, which is why we can’t stop talking about how we can get one, especially as women.

The female orgasm has been studied and researched for centuries, but now there’s new research that suggests there are actually three different types.

The study from Charles University in Prague, found that when women have an orgasm, their pelvic floor muscles tend to move in one of three patterns: a wave, a volcano, or an avalanche.

A ‘wave’ is everything you’d expect to feel – waves of tension and release of your pelvic floor muscles.

A ‘volcano’ feels like more of an explosion towards the end of the orgasm, as your pelvic floor explodes into a swift tension and release.

An ‘avalanche’ involves higher pelvic floor tensions in the build up, which drop when you orgasm.

James Pfaus, professor of neuroscience at Charles University in Prague led the study, which invited 54 women to use the ‘Lioness’, a Bluetooth-connected vibrator, to reach orgasm.

Volunteers were asked to masturbate at home using the device over a period of a few days. The vibrator was programmed to measure the force of their pelvic floor contractions via two sensors – which researchers analysed remotely to work out the rhythm and pattern of these movements in the participants.

‘Wave’ orgasms were most common – 26 out of 54 women experienced this type, whilst 17 had ‘avalanche’ orgasms and 11 had a ‘volcano’ orgasm.

Professor Pfaus said: “We are doing a long-term study of women using the Lioness to see how these different patterns are experienced subjectively as orgasms, as levels of pleasure, [and] where the stimulation that induces them largely comes from.”

Many women may have experienced more than one orgasm pattern, while others might say that even one orgasm is better than none, especially with recent studies pointing to a major gender-based orgasm gap.

For every sexual encounter, men orgasm on average 87% of the time, while women experience them 65%.

Orgasm rates also vary depending on your sexuality, with heterosexual men orgasming most regularly, followed by gay men, bisexual men, lesbians, bisexual women – and finally, at the bottom of the list, heterosexual women.

Lisa Williams, co-author of More Orgasms Please: Why Female Pleasure Matters, previously told HuffPost UK that this orgasm gap isn’t down to anatomy, as women are able to orgasm as quickly as men when they masturbate.

“It can take as little as four minutes for a woman, which is the same as men, but there is a perception it’s going to take about 40 minutes during sex,” she said.

No one should feel compelled to have an orgasm – many people have a fulfilling experience without reaching this point – and some people are anorgasmic (or unable to orgasm).

But Williams encourages women to become more familiar with their bodies and what they like. Then, when they get into a sexual situation with a partner, they can be less afraid to say what they do and don’t enjoy.

If this new research isn’t an excuse to start exploring, we don’t know what is. So, wave, volcano or avalanche? Which one will you be having next?

Share Button

Got Monkeypox Symptoms? Don’t Have Sex, Say Health Authorities

People with monkeypox symptoms have been advised not to have sex by the health authorities.

The UK Health Security Agency (UKHSA) issued this new advice after 71 new cases of the virus were confirmed in England on Monday.

This brings the total to 179 reported cases since May 7, most of which are in England. Four have been in Scotland, two in Northern Ireland and one in Wales.

The monkeypox outbreak has taken the public by surprise over the last month because the virus is usually confined to Central and West Africa, but health experts have been clear that this will not develop into a new pandemic.

Here’s how the authorities believe we can prevent transmission.

Is this virus sexually transmitted?

No – the virus mainly spreads through any close physical contact but can also live on bedsheets or towels.

It also does not spread that easily and there is currently no available evidence that the virus spreads through sexual fluids.

So, why is this the new advice?

As sex encompasses close physical contact avoiding sex would reduce the risk of passing the virus on, according to the health experts.

Anyone who suspects they have the virus should try to cover lesions with clothes, wear a face mask and avoid public transport where possible while they are still potentially infectious.

People only stop being infectious once their lesions have healed and their scabs have dried up – usually in one to two weeks – and so should avoid contact with others until this point.

But, according to the new guidance, people should still use condoms for at least eight weeks after the infection.

The general public have also been advised to keep an eye out for any new rashes or lesions on their bodies.

How do you know if you have monkeypox?

These are the symptoms:

  • Fever

  • Headache

  • Muscle aches

  • Backache

  • Swollen lymph nodes

  • Chills

  • Exhaustion

  • Weakness

  • Rash

UKHSA's image of monkeypox lesions

UK Health Security Agency via PA Media

UKHSA’s image of monkeypox lesions

The rash can start on the face before moving to the body. It gradually transforms, and can form sores comparable to chickenpox or syphilis before scabbing. The scab falls off but can leave a scar.

The incubation period (the time before symptoms appear) is usually from six to 13 days but can range from five to 21 days.

Why have gay or bisexual men been particularly warned?

The UKHSA report that the majority of cases so far have been among men who have sex with men.

However, it’s important to note that this is likely due to where the virus allegedly first started to spread – at two European raves – and not because this group are at higher risk of catching it.

Anyone is at risk of catching the virus regardless of sexual orientation.

What is the risk to the general population?

The World Health Organisation’s leading monkeypox expert, Dr Rosamund Lewis, said she did not anticipate another pandemic.

But, she added: “We are concerned that individuals may acquire this infection through high-risk exposure if they don’t have the information they need to protect themselves.”

The UKHSA also said the risk “remains low”, but urges anyone with unusual rashes or lesions to contact NHS 111 or their local sexual health service.

Healthcare workers who are pregnant and people with severely weakened immune systems should not care for suspects or confirmed monkeypox cases.

Those working with confirmed cases need to wear personal protective equipment, including respirators, aprons, eye protection and gloves.

Those at the highest risk have also been asked to isolate for up to 21 days.

Health protection teams are tracing the contacts of positive cases and UK health officials have purchased 20,000 doses of a smallpox vaccine called Imvanex.

This vaccine is said to be relatively effective at reducing severe infection and the rate of transmission – it will be offered to those close contacts of the people who are diagnosed with the virus.

The advice to abstain from sex has not gone down well

Here’s what people on Twitter think:

Share Button

‘My Partner Is Watching Porn And Won’t Have Sex With Me’

You’re reading Love Stuck, where trained therapists answer your dating, sex and relationship dilemmas. You can submit a question here.

The topic of porn can be a taboo subject, but we need to talk about it – especially in relationships. This week’s reader, Jenny, wrote in to ask for advice related to her husband’s porn consumption.

“My partner is watching porn and won’t have sex with me,” she said. “I found out that my husband is into porn and he won’t turn from his ways. He’s pleasuring himself but won’t have sex with me, what should I do?”

Navigating a situation like this can be tricky, but Counselling Directory member Georgina Smith is here to help.

How can this reader speak to her husband about this?

“Like any difficult subject in a relationship, pick a time when you are both able to talk freely, raising it when you are both calm and able to discuss rationally, don’t wait until an argument,” Smith says.

“Invite some open conversation about his feelings around his porn habit and how that makes you feel – try to use empathy and good listening skills.

“Explore how you could find your way back to a sex life you both enjoy to feel more connected. You are entitled to express your desire for sex in a relationship and how their rejection may be causing you hurt.”

When does watching porn become an issue in a relationship?

Smith believes that watching porn in a relationship becomes an issue when it causes harm to the partner. “Some people perceive watching porn as a form of infidelity, especially if it is done in secret,” she says.

“If porn watching is essentially a substitution for actual sex and that is impacting on the relationship (by stopping a couple connecting via sex and intimacy), I would consider that to be an issue.

“If watching porn has become addictive (i.e. unable to stop even if viewer wants to stop) then that person may need specialist help.”

What should we do when porn becomes an issue in our relationship?

Smith emphasises that we should “communicate effectively around the subject, don’t avoid it just because it can sometimes be an uncomfortable conversation.”

“Try to understand where you are both coming from if you have opposing views around porn and figure out how you might find a common ground that keeps both of you happy,” Smith says.

“Get some couple counselling to unpack in a safe space and reflect individually why you feel the way you do about porn would be two helpful places to start.”

Love Stuck is for those who’ve hit a romantic wall, whether you’re single or have been coupled up for decades. With the help of trained sex and relationship therapists, HuffPost UK will help answer your dilemmas. Submit a question here.

Share Button

Losing It: How To Unlearn Everything You’ve Been Taught About Sex

How much do you know about sex? And I mean really know about sex. For most of us, our sex education started and stopped with the birds and the bees. We were taught the biology of our bodies, how to make babies and if we were lucky the difference between STDs and STIs.

Since our knowledge around sex has been so limited, the internet has been our sex ed teacher, which often has more cons than pros. This is what Sophia Smith Galer touches on in her new book, Losing It.

Drawing on some of her own experiences around sex ed, ‘Losing It’ explores the way we’ve been taught about sex in the 21st century and how this affects how we engage with intimacy.

“I didn’t have a comprehensive sex education,” Galer tells HuffPost UK. “I did have sex education at school. But the things that left a mark on me were, as I described in the book, the focus on ‘bugs and babies.’ So the avoidance of STIs and the avoidance of pregnancy.”

She believes the information she was taught about sex didn’t set her up well enough to deal with real life sexual scenarios. “My sex education could have definitely been a lot better. And what I really argue in the book is that I ended up leaving school endorsing a number of myths about the body because of things I’d heard.”

Author and journalist Sophia Smith Galer and her new book, Losing It.

Brian Prentke

Author and journalist Sophia Smith Galer and her new book, Losing It.

There were multiple reasons why Galer wanted to write the book, but one them was linked to her previous role as BBC religion reporter. “Time and time again, sex and relationships would continue cropping up in stories I wrote about young people and young women,” she says.

Though she isn’t currently practicing, she was raised catholic. “Our world views and our perspectives are either informed by a religion we believe in or it’s influenced a society that we live in – and with sex there’s a lot of collision.”

This is something that she further analyses in the book, under a chapter called ‘The Virginity Myth’, which looks at the role Christianity has played in sex education.

Through her research, Galer found that there are some states in America where the sex education curriculum focusses solely on abstinence.

She spoke to a young woman called Blair, who grew up in a southern baptist community. Blair touches on how she latched onto purity culture because she wanted to please God, but it ended up making her mentally ill. She recalls the first time she made out with a guy, saying she took the morning after pill as she thought she would get pregnant.

What really threw me was how much of this educational resource also exists in the UK,” says Galer. “In the book there are a number of stories about people being given quite purity culture messaging in British schools.

“There is research that has been commissioned by the highest powers in the land that have found abstinence-only education does not work. Not only does it not work, it can be actively harmful. It can do things like contribute to sexist values, or it can reaffirm sexist values.”

So, how can we unlearn what we’ve been taught about sex?

As her knowledge of sex after school was basic, Galer explains that she taught herself the need-to-know info through reading. “That’s how I’ve always found out about stuff as a young person. I would go on the internet and look things up,” she says.

“That is fraught with danger as much as it is good, reliable information. For me, I learnt through reading and podcast listening. It’s kind of been quite private information acquisition, on top of my own experiences with partners.”

When asked where young (or older) people can safely learn about sex online, Galer says sexual health charities and reliable national websites.

“Most sexual health charities that are smart and support young people have pretty good Instagram pages where they do a lot of debunking myths and sharing information and Instagram infographics, which is really good,” she says.

The book touches on issues such as virginity as a concept, the obsession with hymens, tightness, penetration and consent.

On the latter, she writes: “There are many occasions in my sexual biography where I gave my consent at the time but the details suddenly and dramatically changed – like when a partner disclosed he’d lied about his age, or was breaking up with me, during or after sexual contact.”

Galer tells HuffPost the chapter on consent was the quite hard to write, because it made her reflect on some of her own experiences.

“It made me think deeply about bad ethics of sex,” she says.

I think we don’t talk enough about coercion. What is a coercive act? I think it’s quite helpful to adopt that vocabulary when we talk about consent, because we’re often too limiting. We just restrict it to something being consensual or non consensual.”

Though difficult, if you truly want to unlearn what you’ve been taught about sex and overcome any misplaced shame, Galer believes it’s important to introspect.

“If you want to unlearn sex myths you’re going to have to be ready to possibly rewrite your own sexual biography as it may make you think differently about things that happened in the past,” she says.

Even though some themes on the pages are quite dark, Galer wants the book to highlight how important it is to prioritise information around sex and the body in the world we live in.

“What I find in the book is that so many of us don’t get that access to sex education and sex myths pave the way to so many harms,” she says. “I want people to know that sex is not a sex issue. I want people leaving this book to think it’s a political, socioeconomic, health and human rights issue.”

Losing It: Sex Education for the 21st Century by Sophia Smith Galer is out now.

Share Button

Keeping Getting A UTI? Here Are Some Common Reasons Why

Urinary tract infections – or UTIs – can be painful, annoying and recurring, if you don’t take action to reduce the chances of getting one. While more common in women, as they have shorter urethras, meaning bacteria can pass through more easily, the issue also affects men.

Symptoms of a UTI include needing to pee suddenly or more often than usual, pain or a burning sensation when peeing, smelly or cloudy pee, blood in your pee, pain in your lower tummy, feeling tired and unwell, and in older people, changes in behaviour such as severe confusion or agitation.

If you notice any pain and continuous discomfort then definitely chat to your doctor about it. While it may just be symptoms of a UTI, which can be treated with antibiotics, doing a urine test can rule out any other conditions. There are also things to be mindful of if you want to stop getting regular UTIs.

Stella Ivaz, a urologist at London Bridge Urology, tells HuffPost UK: “We give patients lifestyle advice, and that usually includes good fluid intake, making sure you empty your bladder regularly so flushing the system. Wipe the correct way. And sex is a trigger so try voiding after intercourse so if a few bacteria did have the chance to make their way up, you try and empty that as soon as possible.”

Sound advice – and read on for more details on how best to avoid UTIs.

Not urinating properly

It sounds simple, but just make sure you finish peeing and completely empty your bladder before you get off the toilet.

You might not be aware but you may be leaving the bathroom with urine still left inside. To make sure you get it all out, you can try a method called double voiding.

This includes weeing, then standing for a few seconds, before trying again. You’ll see residual urine now coming out.

This is a good way of avoiding a UTI as static urine can build up over time and cause the infection.

Taking care after sex

During sex, all sorts of fluids are exchanged and different orifices are used, so naturally it’s going to include the swapping of bacteria.

The reason that sex increases the likelihood of UTIs is because the physical act of love-making causes a woman’s urethra to come into contact with bacteria from the genitals and anus – hers and a partner’s. After contact is made, it’s easy for bacteria to travel up into the urinary system and cause an infection.

This is one of the reasons that women experience more UTIs than men. In fact, close to 80% of premenopausal women who get a UTI had sex within the previous 24 hours. To avoid the chances of a UTI, make sure to pee after sex to flush out any potential bacteria.

Not wiping properly

This is another one which sounds simple but alas, it isn’t always done properly.

If you’re wiping from down up – as in, from the anus towards the vagina, then you’re likely inviting rectal bacteria into it. Not wiping properly can cause cystitis or (more common) urethritis.

Cystitis is usually caused by E. coli, a type of bacteria commonly found in the gastrointestinal tract. However, sometimes other bacteria are responsible. Sexual intercourse may also lead to cystitis, but you don’t have to be sexually active to develop it.

Urethritis can occur when gastrointestinal bacteria spreads from the anus to the urethra. Because the female urethra is close to the vagina, sexually transmitted infections, such as herpes, gonorrhoea, chlamydia and mycoplasma, can also cause urethritis.

Diabetes

Diabetes and urological health issues are closely connected. Diabetics are prone to UTIs because diabetes can impact blood flow, nerves and sensory function in the body, indirectly worsening urologic conditions.

Over time, people with diabetes may lose some sensory function. This can make it hard to know that you have to go to the bathroom. As a result, people may wait too long to go to the bathroom, or if the urine stays in the bladder too long, it may raise your chance for getting a bladder or kidney infection.

And finally, Covid

Don’t sound the panic alarm just yet, as Covid-19 itself doesn’t put you at risk of having a UTI. But treatments for the virus have caused UTIs in some cases. People who received steroids or had been catheterised during their treatment for Covid may be at greater risk of infection.

Share Button

The ‘Grey Areas’ Of Sexual Violence Aren’t Really Grey At All

For a decade, Rachel Thompson thought she’d had a fairly positive sex life. If someone had asked her if she’d ever experienced rape or sexual assault, she would have answered with a resounding: “No, I’ve been very lucky”. But in 2017, as the #MeToo movement reached its peak, the journalist started to reflect on past encounters.

One incident, when she was 19, continued to play on her mind. A guy she’d been seeing at university suggested they explore the woods together. He told her to lie down on a mound of moss. Before she knew what was happening, he’d straddled her body, sitting on her chest. The weight of him meant she couldn’t breathe. She panicked but told herself: “It’ll be over soon.” He ejaculated on her without saying a word, and they left.

“When I was 19, I didn’t see my experience as anything out of the ordinary,” she says. “No words sprang to mind in the aftermath of the experience – I simply had no vocabulary to express it.”

Reflecting on that night planted the seed for Thompson’s book, Rough, which explores sexual violence in the bedroom and the systems of oppression that enable it. A common theme is the suppression of one’s own trauma. Before writing the book, Thompson referred to her own experience as “bad sex” or “a grey area”, but she no longer uses those terms.

“That grey area did not stay a grey area for me,” she says. “I realised and came to terms earlier this year, right before my book was due, that actually, this was a sexual assault. It was pretty fucked up and it was really scary.”

Thompson has spoken to 50 women and non-binary people for the book, focusing on experiences of sexual violation that we find hard to talk about, because they don’t fit into the traditional boxes of “rape” or “violence”.

There’s issues like stealthing (the non-consensual removal of a condom during sex), cyberflashing (the sending of unsolicited dick pics) and non-consensual strangulation, which is a far cry from the consensual choking practised by some members of the BDSM community, with saftey precautions and safe words in place. There’s also the encounters we don’t have the words for, the moments that make women – and it is overwhelmingly women – feel a bit weird.

Catherine is among those who shared her experience with Thompson. She and a man were about to have sex for the second time. He said he didn’t have another condom, she said she didn’t have one either. He got up and said actually, he had one in the bathroom.

“In hindsight, he clearly picked our used condom out of the bin, rinsed it and reused it,” she says. “I vaguely noticed something was up at the time, but dismissed the suspicion/was too drunk to care, but thinking back that’s obviously what he did. Thinking back on the night it’s also clear that he was sober while I, although consenting, was very drunk.”

Catherine describes this encounter as something that made her “uncomfortable” during sex.

Abigail, another of the book’s interviewees, shares her experience of non-consensual choking. She met a guy on a dating app and everything was going great, until he unexpectedly put his hands on her throat and hit parts of her body. The experience left her confused.

“I’ve been sexually assaulted before and I was once dragged into a dark driveway by a man trying to rape me, in my head I didn’t feel like the two experiences – stranger in an alleyway and an attractive man on Bumble who texted me the next morning telling me how nice a time he had – were the same,” she says.

Abigail went on a second date with the man and asked him not to choke her again. He didn’t, but soon afterwards they lost touch. She says it took her a few months to recognise what had happened to her as sexual assault.

Rachel Thompson, author of Rough.

Rachel Thompson, author of Rough.

Thompson wanted to write the book “primarily for people who have experienced things that they just didn’t quite know how to put into words”. But she is clear that she doesn’t want to police the language women use on this topic either, or ban phrases such as “grey area” or “bad sex”.

“These are really personal experiences and our route to coming to terms with them and finding the words is a really personal journey,” she says. “You’re the person in charge of what you get to call your lived experiences and I don’t think we should allow anybody else to impose words or definitions on those experiences.”

Some campaigners remain concerned we don’t have the language to properly describe such encounters, and that women are being conditioned to dismiss incidences of violence.

If you’ve learned that your sex life must include violence, it’s incredibly hard to unpick why a violent assault felt so wrong,” Fiona MacKenzie, founder of the campaign group We Can’t Consent to This, tells HuffPost UK.

“It’s so normal to blame yourself for something awful that’s been done to you – and monstrously hard when the culture says you should smile and say you enjoyed it.

“Women also see what happens when others speak out against this – we get called prudes, virgins, vanilla, sex-negative… for campaigning on this. There is no shortage of perpetrators who want women to write off being assaulted as ‘just a crap shag’.”

The campaign group has heard from hundreds of women who’ve been violently assaulted in (until then) consensual sex.

“Most of them have been strangled,” says MacKenzie. “Violence against women is widespread, normalised. Society’s only just begun to push back on that in recent decades,” she adds. “We should be very suspicious of anyone telling us that violence is actually liberating. There don’t need to be grey areas – the default should be that men doing violence to women is unacceptable.”

Where is it coming from?

Porn is often blamed for the increase of violence in the bedroom and it certainly plays a part. Acts like choking, spitting and slapping are frequently shown, without any discussion on safe words and boundaries.

Such practices have been appropriated from the BDSM community, but do not reflect it; once in the mainstream, the key pillars of safety and consent are ignored. Such acts require deep trust, which is certainly difficult to establish on a first date and impossible to establish without an explicit conversation.

But porn is only part of the picture, says Thompson.

“It’s part of a landscape that also has a lack of sex education, and a lack of understanding about how consent functions, and how we should be seeking consent and negotiating consent for every individual sex act that takes place within a sexual interaction,” she says.

Brits in particular are alarmingly prudish about discussing what we do and don’t like in the bedroom, Thompson adds – and this is preventing us from establishing consent.

In the book, she hears from the anonymous sex educator @lalalaletmeexplain, who tells of one couple’s miscommunication around choking. Months into their relationship, the man asked the woman why she enjoys choking so much. She replied: “I don’t, to be honest, I do it because I thought you liked it.”

“People are getting these ideas, maybe from watching porn, and they think: ‘Oh, this is just what everyone’s doing now,’” says Thompson. “By not having the communication in those relationships and those sexual encounters, we’re not talking about what we want and what we don’t want.”

MacKenzie points out that images of sexual violence are not consigned to porn, or niche parts of the internet. She directs us to several Instagram hashtags, where images of young women with a hand around their neck are accessible in a few clicks. “Young women tell us that as tweens they learned that being strangled is an expression of passion,” she says. HuffPost UK approached Instagram for comment on this and will update with any response received.

When asking why this is happening, we also can’t forget that sex does not exist in a vacuum. Thompson’s book explores fatphobia, biphobia, white supremacy and transphobia – and how current systems of oppression impact our sexual experiences. It’s complex and endemic – and far too important to try to summarise in one article. But it’s clear that sex can never be an equaliser when it exists in a world of power imbalance.

What needs to happen?

On a macro level, we need systemic change to bring about sexual equality. There’s no quick-fix, but one thing that might help, is elevating all experiences of sexual violence.

“The #MeToo movement was founded by a black woman called Tarana Burke and I think she’s often erased,” says Thompson. “​​When the#MeToo movement exploded into public consciousness, it focused primarily on privileged white women. And that’s not to say that their stories are not valid or not worth listening to, but I think that we have to be so wary of the stories that we place at the forefront of these movements that we say speak for all survivors, because they don’t necessarily reflect all survivors.”

On a micro level, MacKenzie would like to see greater regulations of sexually violent images on social media. “We’re asking for the Online Safety Bill currently being considered by parliament to ensure that platforms stop normalising the violent assault of women – particularly those that welcome child users,” she says.

We Can’t Consent To This has already campaigned to make the use of non-fatal strangulation punishable by law as part of the 2021 Domestic Abuse Act. MacKenzie wants to see the law working in practice. “Women must be able to report choking and asphyxiation to police, and be taken seriously and not be blamed for these assaults,” she says. “We’d hope to see a significant increase in prosecutions for these assaults.”

Above all, both women want others to recognise the problems with these so-called “grey areas” of sex, and recognise that anything which makes an individual feel uncomfortable or unsafe is not “grey” at all.

The #MeToo movement may have prompted Thompson’s reflection and acknowledgment of assault, but now she thinks action is needed.

It really raised people’s awareness about the extent of sexual violence and how widespread it is in all levels of society, but I think that we need more than awareness now,” she says, “we need action: tangible, individual change.”

Rough by Rachel Thompson is out now.

Help and support:

Share Button

The Biggest Issue That Comes Up In Sex Therapy – And How To Sort It

HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development.

Your personal data that may be used

  • Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address
  • Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps
  • Precise location

Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select ‘I agree‘, or select ‘Manage settings‘ for more information and to manage your choices. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls.

Share Button

The Danger Of Letting STIs Go Unchecked During The Pandemic

HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development.

Your personal data that may be used

  • Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address
  • Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps
  • Precise location

Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select ‘I agree‘, or select ‘Manage settings‘ for more information and to manage your choices. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls.

Share Button