If You Find Yourself Mostly Attracted To Strangers, You Could Be This

Posted on 19/08/2023 by Boris Clair

Do you often find that when you’re attracted to someone, they are a stranger to you and the more you get to know somebody, the less attracted you are to them, even if they haven’t done anything in particular to make you feel that way? You could be what’s known as, ‘Fraysexual.’

Fraysexuality is often described as being the opposite of demisexuality. Demisexual people can only get aroused with people who they have a deep connection with. Both demisexual and fraysexual sexualities fall onto the asexual spectrum.

Dr. Edward Ratush, Board Certified Psychiatrist, sex therapist, and co-founder of SOHOMD, explained that fraysexuality “falls under the umbrella of the asexual spectrum because of the specific aversion a fraysexual individual will have toward sexual contact with their most intimate partner. Simply stated, the more a fraysexual person is emotionally connected with their intimate partner the less they are inclined to have overt sexual desire for this partner.”

Though, it is important to note that fraysexual people don’t always necessarily identify as asexual and the term asexual is used as an umbrella one that fraysexual falls under.

Signs that you may be fraysexual

According to Dr Ratush, you might be fraysexual if:

You lose sexual interest with a long-term partner
You find yourself craving romantic stability and connection with a partner, despite the decline in sexual attraction
You have a high interest in new experiences
Your sexualinterest is unstable
You find maintaining sexual desire challenging
There is a disconnect between emotional and physical attraction

How to maintain a relationship if you’re fraysexual

Of course, in a monogamous, long-term relationship, this can be a tricky obstacle to get around but it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Be honest with your partner about how you’re feeling and how you experience attraction.

Sex therapist David Lerman says that workarounds are possible and it sometimes just takes a little longer for fraysexual people to become aroused –”Just because we are not aroused initially does not mean we are unwilling to be stimulated and aroused.”

However he added that it can be difficult to be in a relationship with somebody that doesn’t necessarily feel sexually attracted to you, saying, “Feeling sexually wanted and attractive by our partners is a large emotional need for most humans, particularly those practicing monogamy.”

He added that fraysexual people practicing in ethical non-monogamy often find it helps keep their spark with their primary partner alive.

‘My Tween Is Ruining My Marriage’

Posted on 18/08/2023 by Boris Clair

You’re reading Between Us, a place for parents to offload and share their tricky parenting dilemmas. Share your parenting dilemma here and we’ll seek advice from experts.

Parents have a lot to juggle in their own lives, as well as their children’s lives. So it’s no surprise then that when tweens (and teens) start to act out, it can feel like you’re teetering on the edge.

Ripples are felt far and wide – on your own mental health, on your relationship – the whole situation can swiftly spiral.

Such is the case for one parent, who shared their parenting dilemma on Reddit this week:

“My child is ruining my marriage. My eldest is almost a teenager and this year has been tough on her. She’s lost a lot of friends in school, has had to deal with a new sibling taking our attention and she’s got a rare pain condition. We have tried so hard to be supportive. We’ve tried giving her advice, attention, space, support, solutions and bent over backwards to be kind to her. It’s been hard though because she’s responded with an attitude that stinks and acting like she doesn’t care.

“I’m honestly at a loss because I don’t know what to do and me and my husband have had so many rows about her and her behaviour. We’ve just had a huge blow up and I honestly don’t know if we can come back from this. He’s so angry that she’s gone to do nice things today after speaking to me like shit and I was cross too and things were said that blew up. I can’t stop crying. I feel awful. I’ve failed as a mother and a wife.”

So, what can they do?

1. Be kind to yourself

Counselling Directory member Jenny Warwick says that, first and foremost, parents in this position need to prioritise themselves. “You have not failed as a mother or wife,” she says. “This is the time when you need to be kind to yourself.

“Remember, you won’t be able to help others if you feel drained and exhausted. Taking breaks for self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary.”

Family Lives, a charity supporting families, recommends that parents take time to relax; treat themselves occasionally; talk about their concerns with friends, partners or online forums; and learn techniques for coping with low mood, sadness and depression or anxiety.

2. Know that the tween period is really hard for all involved

Research actually suggests the tween period – when children are eight to 13 years old – are the hardest years of parenting.

According to parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith, this is because they are much more emotionally exhausting, not to mention less rewarding than, say, the toddler years when your child still relies on you for so much and is learning a lot, too.

Warwick agrees that this period can be “particularly tricky” to manage for parents. “Part of being a tween is finding independence and forging their own path, resulting in a strong push away from their parents,” she explains.

“As far as you are concerned, this has come out of nowhere and feels personal. However, recognising this as a typical part of preteen development can make the emotional burden easier to bear.”

On top of that, she acknowledges it sounds like the daughter is going through a lot – navigating shifts in friendships, coping with a pain condition and a new sibling.

But while this might contribute to her behaviour, “none of this gives her an excuse to be rude”, adds the counsellor.

If your child appears to be particularly struggling mentally, it might be worth speaking to your GP or a mental health charity – like The Mix, YoungMinds and Relate – for further advice.

3. Remember: your daughter still needs you

When your child is pushing you away, it might be tempting to just let them – especially when their attitude towards you leaves little to be desired – but Warwick suggests the daughter needs her parents now more than ever.

That said, the way to offer support to her is very different at this stage in her life than when she was younger, she suggests.

“Helping her find solutions is much more effective than jumping in to fix things for her. This can be a hard change in approach for parents to make, but it is the way forward,” says Warwick.

At the same time, you need to prioritise yourself and help your daughter recognise that your life doesn’t revolve around her, suggests the therapist.

4. Carve out time to be with your partner

When you welcome a new child, your relationship can instantly be put on the back-burner – add wider family discord into the mix, and things get trickier.

It will undoubtedly put pressure on a romantic relationship. And, to top that off, children can sense any tension, which might prompt further behavioural changes.

“You and your husband need to be on the same page regarding parenting,” says Warwick. “It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, too, with a new child.”

Verywell Family recommends parents try the following tips to help get back on the same page:

Determine what the consequences are for your children breaking rules in your home and stick to them.
Create parenting rules together and if you don’t agree on some of them, talk it out. Then share these rules with the wider household.
Back each other up in front of the kids and don’t disagree with each other in front of them.
Listen to each other, compromise where you can, and remember you’re on the same team.

Warwick’s advice to this parent is to give the relationship some care, “as it’s much easier if you are in this together”. This means taking time to be together as a couple to maintain a connection.

“Doing this lets you devise a plan of action together and establish agreed-upon boundaries for your family,” she adds.

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

Yes Really – These Are The Most Popular Kinks And Fetishes Worldwide

Posted on 22/07/2023 by Boris Clair

One of the most fun things about sex and exploring our own sexualities is just how many things we can try. There’s no shame in having a kink and there’s so much joy to be found in accidentally discovering one.

Additionally, as with everything in life, you’re never alone in your kinks, no matter how strange you might think that they are. In fact, according to data provided by Joy Love Dolls and Google search trends, popular kinks can be anything from role play to mummification and what makes you click gets thousands of others’ heart rates going, too.

The most popular kinks and fetishes

So, what are the most popular kinks that we have? Well, Joy Love Dolls analysed a year of Google search trends and, excluding unsafe kinks, compiled them into a list of 10 worldwide favourites.

Sadism

With almost 10 million annual searches, this is by far the most popular kink around the world. If you don’t know what it is, sadism is when you inflict physical or psychological suffering on another person to stimulate sexual excitement and orgasms.

Masochism

So, very much related to sadism and in fact, combined into the acronym S&M with it, masochism is when you derive sexual gratification from your own pain, humiliation, or frustration.

CBT

CBT is commonly used as shorthand in the therapy world for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but in the world of kink, CBT actually stands for Cock and Ball Torture. This is, well, it’s in the name, isn’t it? It is the application of pain or constriction to the penis or testicles for sexual gratification.

Claustrophilia

No, that isn’t a typo. We don’t mean the commonly known claustrophobia, we mean quite the opposite, instead of fearing small or confined places, claustrophilia is being sexually aroused or interested in being confined in small places.

Vicarphilia

We thought this might be when you’re into dressing up as a vicar but no, in fact, it’s becoming aroused by other people’s sexual stories, and living vicariously through them. We didn’t know that this had a name but it turns out that 3.6 million people search for this every year.

Humiliation

People who are into the humiliation kink derive pleasure or erotic excitement from the mixed and powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned.

Role Play

One of the more well-known entries on this list, role play involves indulging in fantasy based on any social role and could incorporate any kind of sexual fetish desired by the participants. Think nurse costumes, dressing up as fictional characters, etc.

Cuckolding

This is when one partner watches their lover having sex with somebody else and derives pleasure from it. There’s also ‘cuckqueaning’ which tends to centre cis females as the cuckold, as opposed to the traditional male being cuckolded.

Age Play

Age play is a form of role play performed by adults pretending to be a different age than they are, usually younger but any age fits the bill.

Impact Play

Impact play involves hitting or being hit with an object in a safe, consensual way to derive sexual pleasure and create or appreciate a sensation of domination.

Mummification

This is an extreme form of bondage that gets around 325,000 searches per year. In mummification, a person is wrapped from head to toe, like a mummy, and are rendered completely immobilised for sexual gratification.

Looking to introduce kink to your relationship?

Nothing can spice up your bedroom life like introducing something new and if you’ve been thinking about trying something out, it’s worth discussing with your sexual partner to see if it’s something they’d like to explore.

Sex and relationships expert, Melissa Stone says: “Cultivating a healthy understanding of fetishes within consensual relationships can hugely enhance intimacy and pleasure within your relationship.”

She added: ”As the search term ‘sex fetish’ has increased in searches by 132% over the past 30 days worldwide, it’s essential to approach fetishes with an open mind, respect, and clear communication between those involved.

“Remember, what may seem unconventional to some is a source of excitement and fulfilment for others.”

How Do I Tell My Partner That Our Sex Life Is Boring?

Posted on 06/07/2023 by Boris Clair

You’re reading Love Stuck, where trained therapists answer your dating, sex, and relationship dilemmas. You can submit a question here.

You feel like you’ve won the lottery when you think you’ve found that forever person. It’s rare to find someone who ticks all your boxes and makes you feel safe. So, when that happens you’ll do anything to ensure that your relationship lasts.

Even if that means ignoring some aspects of the relationship that aren’t perfect.

This week’s reader Matthew is sure that he’s found the one but there’s one part of the relationship that is lacking: the sex. “I love my partner but our sex life is boring,” he tells HuffPost UK.

“I’ve been with my partner for a year and a half now. I’m very much in love with her but this isn’t the best sex I’ve had in my life,” he says.

He continues: “We’ve spoken about opening up our relationship but I think I only suggested doing this because I’m not satisfied in the bedroom. The sex is good but it’s not amazing and it makes me wonder if you can have it all in relationships?”

It’s evident that Matthew wants to make it work with his partner but is he settling in his love life? Counselling Directory member Nina Jellinek is on hand to help.

How important is the role of sex in a relationship?

Jellinek thinks this is a bit of a tricky question.

“For some people, sex is actually not important at all, or they might actively prefer a non-sexual relationship (not always a preference that is easy to express),” she says.

However, some people really value sex. “Both viewpoints are natural; the issues tend to arise if your and your partner’s feelings are at odds with each other,” Jellinek explains.

Sex usually plays a big part in relationships as it can be physically fun and satisfying.

“But it can also go beyond the physical feelings, and, for many, it is part of the sense of intimacy in a relationship,” Jellinek adds.

So, she says that “when there is a mismatch in people’s feelings about physical intimacy, it can lead to feelings of frustration, guilt, or resentment which can build up over time.”

What should we do if we feel that our sex life is lacking in our relationship?

Jellinek wants Matthew to consider whether the lack of sex is a temporary thing or if things might settle by themselves.

“It is also worth considering whether we have reasonable expectations around sex,” she says. When the relationship is new she says sex may have that novelty factor which is just not realistic to expect to maintain forever.

“This does not mean that you can’t expect to have an exciting physical relationship, just that things do change,” she adds.

Over time, people do sometimes fall into a routine that might be comfortable, but the sex might not have the same thrill factor that you had before.

“However, the truth might also be that you and your partner might be emotionally compatible, but the physical compatibility might never have been at the same level,” Jellinek says.

This could be a trickier situation because you have to try to address it. “But you also have to consider what you would do if things never improved in the way that you want,” she adds.

What practical advice would you give this reader?

If you aren’t happy with your sex life, ask your partner whether they feel the same.

“If you both want to improve things, there is a lot of scope for change, but it is important that each of you communicates your needs,” Jellinek advises.

If Matthew’s partner doesn’t feel the same, it might be a harder conversation to have. Jellinek suggests having a discussion about potentially exploring new experiences together.

If things aren’t working, there is the possibility of opening up the relationship. “There is nothing inherently wrong with this, but it can certainly come with complications,” Jellinek adds.

She continues: “It’s only going to work if you are both genuinely OK with it and even then the impact might be unpredictable.”

She wants Matthew to know that if he is not happy with his sex life it can impact his relationship so it’s an issue that needs to be talked through.

Love Stuck is for those who’ve hit a romantic wall, whether you’re single or have been coupled up for decades. With the help of trained sex and relationship therapists, HuffPost UK will help answer your dilemmas. Submit a question here.

I Want To Leave My Boyfriend Because He’s Depressed

Posted on 25/05/2023 by Boris Clair

You’re reading Love Stuck, where trained therapists answer your dating, sex, and relationship dilemmas. You can submit a question here.

Watching someone you love struggle with their mental health isn’t easy. You want to support and care for that person but they might be shutting you out or worse, it could be affecting your relationship.

This week’s reader Holly has found herself stuck between a rock and a hard place. “My boyfriend is depressed and it’s affecting our relationship,” Holly says.

“My boyfriend has suffered from depression for the majority of our relationship. I feel bad for saying this but it’s starting to affect me too. We live together and in the last few months the depression has really put a strain on our relationship,” Holly adds.

She continues: “His moods are always up and down, he rarely wants to go out and it’s making me question the relationship. Part of me feels like I want to leave but is that fair? What can I do?”

What should Holly do? Should she fight for her relationship and support her partner?

Co-Founder of So Synced and Relationship Expert Jessica Alderson wants Holly to practice compassion.

“While it’s important for the reader to empathise with her partner’s struggles, she should acknowledge that it isn’t easy for her, either, and she shouldn’t feel guilty about that,” Alderson says.

What would you say to this reader?

“Depression can be an all-consuming mental illness, and it’s understandable that it’s starting to affect the reader as well,” says Alderson.

It can be emotionally taxing to support a loved one with depression so anyone in this position should have someone to talk to.

“In addition, the reader should remember to practice self-care. This might include regular exercise, taking time to pursue hobbies, and spending time with friends and family,” Alderson adds.

She explains that if your partner is suffering from a mental illness, it’s important not to fall into the trap of trying to “fix” them.

“Providing support and understanding is very different from trying to cure someone’s depression. It can be a dangerous road to go down and may cause the “saviour” to end up with serious issues of their own,” Alderson says.

Trying to save someone in a relationship usually doesn’t work as recovery from mental illnesses such as depression or addiction often requires professional help and serious commitment.

Alderson tells Holly that “while supporting a partner is a natural and essential part of any relationship, it’s important that we recognise our own limitations and be aware of our own needs. There’s a fine line between compassion and self-neglect, and staying on the right side of it is key for your overall well-being.”

How can one person having depression affect a relationship?

Alderson explains that “When one person in a relationship is experiencing depression, it can have a significant impact on the dynamics and well-being of both individuals involved. Here are some ways in which depression can affect a relationship:”

Emotional strain: Depression often leads to persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and fatigue. The non-depressed partner may also experience feelings of helplessness, frustration, or guilt for not being able to alleviate their partner’s suffering. If it persists, both people can end up feeling disconnected from each other.
Communication challenges: Depression can impact people’s ability to communicate effectively. The person with depression may withdraw, have difficulty expressing their emotions, or struggle to engage in open and honest conversations. This can hinder effective communication and make it challenging for the couple to understand each other.
Reduced intimacy and sexual desire: Depression often causes a lack of interest in activities that people once enjoyed, including physical intimacy. One side effect of depression is a decreased libido, which can lead to less frequent sexual activity. In turn, this can cause feelings of rejection or inadequacy which can further strain the relationship.
Role imbalance: When one partner is dealing with depression, the other partner may need to take on additional responsibilities and support them, such as cooking, cleaning, or managing finances. This can result in an imbalance within the relationship, and the non-depressed partner might feel overwhelmed or neglected as they focus their energy on supporting their partner.
Social isolation: Depression can lead to social withdrawal and a reduced desire to engage in social activities. As such, the couple may end up going to fewer events together, which can leave both people feeling disconnected from their social network. The non-depressed partner may feel guilty about attending events without their significant other and may become socially isolated.

What practical advice would you give this reader?

This is clearly not an easy situation for Holly. “Deciding whether to stay with a partner who has depression is a deeply personal choice that depends on several factors,” Alderson says.

Holly should consider the impact that the depression is having on her own mental health. “There’s a clear distinction between finding a situation slightly challenging and feeling completely overwhelmed or unable to cope,” Alderson explains.

“One of the most important factors to consider is whether her partner is currently taking action to address his depression or is at least open to the idea,” she adds.

If her boyfriend is committed to making changes this massively impacts how likely it is that the situation will improve in the future. Holly should also consider how compatible they are as a couple on a fundamental basis.

“While depression can strain a relationship, it’s important that she evaluates whether there are other issues that go beyond the effects of depression. This includes factors such as mutual attraction, shared values, and aligned goals,” Alderson adds.

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to whether you should stay in a relationship with a partner who has depression, as each situation is unique.

“Ending a relationship with someone who is in need of support can be a difficult choice to make. It’s ultimately up to the individual to weigh up all the various factors and decide what feels right for them,” Alderson says.

It may feel wrong to leave a relationship when someone is suffering from mental health issues, b01ut if it’s causing significant distress for you it isn’t selfish if it’s done for the right reasons and in the right way.

Here’s What Brits Think A First Date Should Cost

Posted on 20/03/2023 by Boris Clair

Drinking is a big part of dating culture. Most dates take place at bars or pubs because they’re the perfect place to meet and speak to someone. Additionally, you might be able to calm your first-date nerves with a drink or two – but the price of those drinks can rack up!

Brits spend almost £500 (£454) on first dates per year, according to credit card brand Aqua. This figure could be cut massively if you let go of the booze on your next dates. So much so, that 17% of those surveyed said they’re going to opt for cheaper coffee or lunch dates and 23% of British singles plan to stop dating completely!

When asked how much Brits believe should be spent on a first date, Aqua found that the average expected cost of a first date sits at £37.85.

However, it turns out that men have much higher expectations than women when it comes to first-date spending. The average response from men came in at £43.24, whereas the average response for women came in at £32.26, which is almost an £11 difference per date.

It appears that men are still quite traditional as only 15% of men believe the cost of a first date should be split equally. However, nearly 40% of women believe that the bill for a first date should be split equally.

But bills being at an all-time high, everyone is looking for ways to spend less money including dates.

Aqua has shared tips that will help singletons navigate their love life without worrying too much about their finances.

Have a movie night at home

This is probably one to do when you feel comfortable with the person you’re dating. So when you feel ready to welcome that special someone into your home, why not host your own movie night? With a few DVDs or a streaming subscription, you can recreate the magic of the cinema from the comfort of your own home without spending a load of money at the cinema.

Visit a free museum or gallery

Attending a free exhibition together is another great option as the only cost you need to cover is transport to and from the museum or gallery. The British Museum, The Tate Modern, and the National Gallery are a few London-based attractions offering free admission, but you’ll be able to find something to do wherever you’re based.

Find a local event to attend

There are plenty of free events like food markets, street fairs, or open mic nights advertised in local papers and on social media. More often than not, they’re free to attend and they provide a casual environment for you to get to know each other.

Go for a walk

With lighter evenings and longer days, it is now more pleasant to walk around outside – why not grab a coffee with your companion, go for a lovely woodland walk and enjoy the sunset? Better yet, make your coffee at home ‘to-go’ for a real budget-friendly date.

Tinder’s New Data Shows People Are Tired Of Messing Around On Apps

Posted on 16/03/2023 by Boris Clair

Nobody likes uncertainty, especially when you’re dating someone. Dating apps are a pain to navigate as it is, so you really don’t want people to be wasting your time on it when your intentions don’t align.

But there are so many people who simply do not make their intentions clear from the get go, and then we’re all in for a merry-go-round ride we never asked to get on. Then come the situationships, the one sided attachments and the inevitable heartbreaks.

And with dating apps making it easy to have so many options, people often forget to consider how painful it can for others when you’re not clear about what you want.

And you know what? People are finally tired of it. Because a new research from Tinder has revealed that 73% of singles are now only looking to date someone who is clear about what they want.

The data also revealed that 52% of Gen Z prefers monogamous relationships, while 41% of them are open to or are actively seeking non monogamous or open relationships.

In light of this, Tinder is adding a relationship type feature onto its app so people can make their intentions clear from the get go.

Tinder already has a relationship goals feature where people can let everyone know what their dating intentions are, and it could be quite helpful for people who just do not want their time wasted by things that they don’t want. Bumble and Hinge have this feature too.

However this new feature will help make it clear what type of relationship they want.

Using the relationship type feature, people on Tinder can specify whether they want a monogamous, ethically non monogamous, open, or polyamorous relationship. They can also say that they are open to exploring things.

“The term ‘commitment’ is not one-size-fits-all for this new generation. They’re exploring a range of possibilities — from monogamy to situationships to friendship — and it’s really important for them to be open and transparent about what they’re looking for. We’re making it easy for them to do this with features like Relationship Types and Relationship Goals,” said Kyle Miller, VP of Product at Tinder.

Making your intentions clear from the very beginning can make it easy to avoid any future headaches and unnecessary heartbreaks. Dating is also incredibly time consuming, and spending all those hours and cash on someone who isn’t even on the same page as you is a luxury not many people can afford.

So it honestly comes as no surprise that people are done with uncertainty. No one likes to be toyed with, especially when it comes to their emotions.

People are fed up with the games. So if you’re someone who is doing that, now might be a good time to stop. Or you can fuck around and find out. Your call.

This Is The Number Of Women Who Actually Orgasm During Sex With Men

Posted on 14/03/2023 by Boris Clair

Orgasm, if achieved, is a wonderful thing. Everyone can agree that having sex is a very fun activity.

But let’s be real, we all know there is a huge orgasm gap between men and women. But according to new research from Durex, this is not just a little gap, it is a whole damn void because their study has shown that women are having up to four times less orgasms on average than a sexually active man.

Out of a survey of 2000 adults, only 5% women are likely to say they’ve always orgasmed during sex, compared to 20% men. And this number only reduces when considering penetrative sex with 4 in ten (40%) sexually active women versus around 1 in 10 men (12%) saying they never or very rarely achieve orgasm through this activity alone.

Faking orgasms is very common among women, and according to this research, almost half (43%) of the women in the UK have at some point faked an orgasm so as to not hurt their partner’s feelings or just to get it over with.

So what steps can someone take in order to close the orgasm gap? Sex expert Alix Fox provides some tips and advice on how to make sure everyone orgasms.

Foreplay

When it comes to mutual ground in the bedroom, foreplay is key to both sexes in achieving orgasm, says Fox. Don’t rush into penetration immediately. Foreplay should be the main focus in trying to achieve the big O.

Different Approaches

When it comes to varying needs in the bedroom between men and women, experimentation with sex toys is a huge point of difference. Nearly a fifth (19%) of women have cited this as one of the ways they’re most likely to orgasm.

Sex toys can play a very big part in increasing sexual pleasure and get you to orgasm.

Speaking Up and Communication

Everyone seeks pleasure differently. And everyone reaches their climax through different methods. At the end of the day, you know what works best for you, so relay that information to your partner for maximum results — and learn their pleasure points too.

“Ask, listen and learn how your partner likes to be touched. Develop ways to comfortably, constructively talk about sex together, and make it a regular habit, since moods, needs and desires can change over time,” says Fox.

Take That Extra Time

Just because one person has achieved climax doesn’t mean you stop the activity altogether. Make sure you and your partner are both stimulated enough to be satisfied. And take that extra time to make sure everyone gets their happy ending.

These Were The Best-Selling Sex Toys 20 Years Ago – And Goodness Me

Posted on 27/02/2023 by Boris Clair

Ah 2002, simpler times indeed.

Mobile phones didn’t connect to the internet, Facebook was still a dream and we listened to music on brand new inventions called iPods.

And it wasn’t just our day to day tech that looked different, the gadgets lurking in our bedside drawers looked seriously different too. But before we were using the Womaniser to get our kicks, what were the best selling sex toys of the early 00s?

Fortunately Lovehoney have been around long enough to share the answer with HuffPost UK – and it’s safe to say that we’ve seriously cum come far in the past 21 years.

Original and still one of the best

Well, it's pretty self-explanatory — Well, it’s pretty self-explanatory

You’re looking at peak sex toy technology in 2002, although it might look seriously commonplace now.

Translucent, purple (the colour of the moment), battery powered with a multispeed base, the chances are you still have some iteration of this vibe in your drawer now 21 years on.

Fortunately, that hard plastic has been replaced by much gentler silicone these days and no longer shall you be bound to AA batteries and buzzy vibration speeds.

Clit-mate Change

We're still trying to understand what it does — We’re still trying to understand what it does

In case you’re wondering, yup, that’s a clit stimulator from 21 years ago, completely with three different hard plastic attachments.

But why all the plastic? Well, two decades ago silicone wasn’t as affordable as it is now in 2023 but thankfully we can now get non-porous, easier-to-clean and more hygienic sex toys made of the material.

Apparently in 2002 this was the closest you could get to simulated oral – oh yes readers, that is meant to resemble a tongue.

Thankfully we’re living in modern times, where we’ve got way better versions of the above (that don’t look quite as cursed).

Rabbit relaunch

Yeah… we’re not too sure why there’s a gumball machine stuck in the middle of this vibrator either.

But back in 2002, this was the best-selling vibrator of the time with the best speeds AA batteries could offer – it’s a far cry from the rechargeable, multi-vibration combo delivering toys we can bag from Lovehoney today.

Plastic pleasure for penises

That's a lot of cables — That’s a lot of cables

Sorry penis-havers, your best bet when it came to pleasure in 2002 was the Aries Ram.

A battery operated butt plug and cock ring vibrating duo, made from the hardest plastic of course, the toy had plenty of wires to navigate when using.

Well, it’s safe to say we won’t be rushing to climb into a time machine anytime soon.

Could A Sleep Divorce Save Your Relationship?

Posted on 08/02/2023 by Boris Clair

Some of us see sleeping with a partner as an act of intimacy, however for others it can cause discomfort and have a negative effect on sleep. If the latter rings true, you might want to opt for a “sleep divorce”.

A sleep divorce is simply sleeping apart, in separate beds or bedrooms, so that both partners can get a good night’s rest.

“No one talks about sleep divorce and it is so common,” says relationship psychologist Mairead Molloy, from elite dating agency Berkeley International.

She’s right – a survey by the National Sleep Foundation in 2017 found that one in four married couples chose to sleep in separate rooms.

There are lots of reasons why a couple might choose to sleep separately. You might work different shifts, one of you might be a loud sleeper, or you might have children and co-sleep.

“If your partner snores, moves a lot or gets up in the middle of the night, you wake up, interrupting your rest,” says Molloy. “This takes a toll on you both physically and psychologically.”

While the name “sleep divorce” doesn’t exactly have the most positive connotations, it doesn’t have to be a negative experience.

“Sleeping in another room helps not only improve your comfort and rest but also to keep your personal space,” says Molloy.

Peter Saddington, a sex and relationship counsellor,previously told HuffPost UK he works with lots of couples who want to entertain the idea of sleeping separately but are worried about what it will mean for their marriage and sex life.

People get anxious about what it means, he said, because they worry it’s “a sign of the end days”.

But while some might worry that sleeping apart spells the end for intimacy, Molloy and Saddington believe the opposite is true.

“Sleeping in the same bed can become mundane,” said Saddington. “You see your partner not always necessarily looking their best – sweaty, disheveled – but if you’re just there for sex you can put more effort in and present yourself when you’re feeling at your best. For some people it can even heighten excitement.”

Molloy agrees a sleep divorce can give your sex life a boost. “Being separated at night favours the existence of an erotic space in which you miss the other person. Thus, it increases your desire to be together,” she suggests.

If you are tempted, it might be worth trialling it for a couple of months. That way, if it doesn’t work for you, you can go back to your previous arrangement.

But if you do see an improvement in how rested you feel, “keep going,” Saddington advised. “It is not always bad news to sleep separately.”

If you’re a very romantic person who’s horrified by the idea of spending the night alone, an intermediate solution could be sleeping in the same bed but with separate duvets or blankets, known as the Scandinavian sleep method, suggests Molloy.

“Overall, this is a good way to sleep together,” she says, “but still comfortable if your partner moves a lot and invades your space.”