Let’s Talk About Luxury Sex Toys – What’s All The Buzz About?

Today marks national sex toy day, and — coincidentally, my birthday.

I can think of no better way than to celebrate my 32 sky-dancer-like spins around the sun, than getting to the bottom of the luxury sexy toy biz. Pun intended.

There’s no denying that the sex toy market is booming, and is expected to be worth over $80 billion by 2030. With more and more people experimenting with luxury sex toys, I wanted to know what all the buzz was about. Can they really enhance our pleasure?

Truth is, I started my sex toy collection with three humble toys. The mains-powered LoveHoney wand, which is now quite old and a bit loud. My simple LoveHoney silicone g-spot dildo and not forgetting, my Satisfyer 2.0. Without fail, these simple and relatively inexpensive tools have been able to get me off consistently for years.

That being said, I can’t deny I haven’t found myself almost salivating at the shop windows of brands that promise the most Earth-shattering orgasms. This is how, one dreary evening, I found myself surrounded by a selection of world-class and award-winning vibrators, wands, g-spot massagers, clit suckers and glass dils, ready to take on the luxury market.

In my bedroom, surrounded by what can only be described as a haul of the most indulgent proportions, I spent two weeks testing each and every one, to find out which ones are better left out of your shopping basket, and which ones give you bang for your buck.

Luxury ‘Clit Suckers’ and Oral Sex Simulators

Womanizer Premium 2 Rechargeable Smart Silence Clitoral Suction Stimulator
Womanizer Premium 2 Rechargeable Smart Silence Clitoral Suction Stimulator

First up is the Womanizer. Made popular by Lily Allen, the Womanizer is a premium bit of kit. And, it doesn’t disappoint. For a clit sucker, it has seriously rumbly vibes, and within 10 seconds my soul has left my body in a back-bending orgasm.

If you’re looking for a very quiet toy, this one is pretty good unless you like things turned up to 11. Nevertheless, it’s easy to see why this has the price tag it does, and as much as I hate to be unfaithful to my regular, it does leave it in the dust.

Next up is Lelo Sona 2 Travel, which is more compact. This palm-sized powerhouse delivers, in and out of the bath, which I loved. It’s super quiet and has a much more focussed head which, for me, works out well if you’re looking to get off quickly.

While these two come in at a pricey £169 and £89 respectively, they certainly feel worth it. However, if you’re looking for something more affordable, then my old fave the Satisfyer 2.0 is a great option, as is Cindy from HANX, (£47.95 and £59.99).

Last up, is the bullet-cum-oral-sex-simulator Amour from Je Joue. This is unlike anything I’ve used before. Coming in at a pretty reasonable £59.99, the silicone is super soft and, with various settings aside, is an extremely versatile toy.

This would be perfect for someone who prefers a slow build and a fluttery sensation, rather than something more intense (sensitive girlies, I’m looking at you). However, I found turning it on its side delivered targeted vibrations that ended in leg-shaking pleasure.

For me, the clear winner was the Womanizer, which in all honesty, I haven’t been able to put down.

G-Spot Massagers of All Shapes And Sizes

Strap in, folks.

On my list to try was the *stunning* Biird X PURE Gii vibrator, and when I tell you this toy is quiet, I mean whisper quiet. Clocking in at £90, this g-spot massager is slim fitting, with a perfectly angled head. It’s not too long and is great for someone who doesn’t necessarily need to feel “full” to reach climax. It’s also quite tame. Think, less rumble, more fizz.

While I didn’t love this toy, it certainly came down to preference rather than the design or strength. If you love collecting toys that have gorgeous designs, then it’s definitely worth the cash.

Up next was Hot Octopuss’ Kurv. This is a deep, dual-motor toy which has fantastic customisation for a really personalised feel, so you can switch it up depending on what kind of mood you’re in. Coming in at £89.95, this baddie really blew me away and is without a doubt worth the investment.

If you’re looking for something that sits somewhere between the two in terms of buzz, has a pliable and slim feel, and comes in a little cheaper, then the Lennon by Knude Society (£60) is a great option.

Wands and Bullets

LeWand Rechargeable Massage Wand Vibrator
LeWand Rechargeable Massage Wand Vibrator

Now, my trusty LoveHoney wand might be strong enough to make my entire bed rock, but opening up my package from LeWand was about to rock my entire world.

Unlike my trusty plug-in, the head is soft and smooth and still delivers deep, rumbling sensations. It’s a lot quieter too. A lot. There are also no cords to get tangled up in either as it can be used completely wirelessly, though I don’t think it’s as powerful. In any case, it’s the first wand I’ve found that rivals my LoveHoney wand.

I love wands. They’re great for solo play, but they’re brilliant partner play companions too, because — to put it frankly, it’s hard to miss with them. They have a broad head, and can be used on all kinds of genitals. So whoever your partner is, you can make sure they (and you) are having a blast.

LeWand is an investment at £129.99. But my god, what an investment it is. If you’re unsure about parting with that much cash, then the £54 LoveHoney wand is a perfectly good substitute.

I’ve never been a huge fan of bullet vibrators — and honestly, I’ve overlooked them. But, I’m not above saying I’m wrong. Especially when it comes to three bullets in particular. The So Divine Amour Lipstick Vibrator (£30), Love Not War’s Maya (£89.99) and Hot Octopuss Digit (£59.95).

Maya’s weight made it a really lovely toy to hold, and the cold metal was a pleasure to warm up against — if you like that kind of thing. Plus, it’s made from sustainable materials, which makes this a truly guilt-free wank. Whereas the Digit made it easy to use my whole hand and the toy thanks to its accessible design. But, what came up trumps for me was the Amour.

Top tip: Pair the bullet vibe with a glass toy from LoveHoney’s range for a perfect temperature play-cum-vibey duo.

Rabbits and Dual Vibrators-cum-clit-suckers

Nothing could prepare me for Je Joue’s Hera Flex (£109). Now, I love a rabbit toy, but I’ve never used one quite like this. The soft silicone is pliable, which means you can get the toy to fit you, rather than trying to fit it. It was so easy to slip into a hazy, glowy vibe, emerging pink-cheeked and gasping. To be quite honest, it’s the best rabbit I’ve ever used.

However, coming in a close second was So Divine’s Black Magic Vibrator for one reason. Its shape is fuller. To me, this felt like a much more natural design, and the handle is easy to hold, too. It also comes in at a fraction of the cost at just £65.

My least favourite, which I was surprised by, was the Lelo Enigma. No doubt, for the right kind of anatomy — this would be a body-bending toy. But I found it an awkward fit and it cost a whopping £189.

If I was to pick one out of the lot?

OK, so I couldn’t. But, here’s my top four.

LeWand, Hera and Sona 2 Travel and Amour. If you’re looking for guaranteed pleasure, these should be added straight to basket.

As for whether they’re worth the cash. Yes, and no.

The thing is, pleasure to me should be accessible. And, while all of these toys were deliciously indulgent, made from the smoothest of body-safe silicones; are waterproof and are rechargeable, there are plenty of cheaper toys on the market that will get you to where you want to get to. Plus, there’s no shame in rubbing up against a couch arm, using your hands or a shower head.

So, if you’re building your toy box, trying sex toys for the first time or unsure of what you like, my advice would be to start with something affordable. Explore different sensations and tap into what makes solo sex feel so good before making a hefty investment. Then, when you’re feeling a little bit more confident in what you know you enjoy, treat yourself to something off this list. You won’t regret it.

For the wanking pros amongst us, a little bit of luxury never hurt anyone and there’s something to be said for a toy that not only performs well but looks gorgeous. We eat with our eyes, after all.

Whatever you decide to use in the bedroom, engaging with your sexual wellness and connecting with your pleasure can only be a good thing. Luxury sex toy, or no.

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Yes, Really – Period Sex Is Good For You (And Here’s How To Do It)

The number one film on Netflix at the moment, Fair Play, is an erotic thriller where the two characters have to conceal their relationship due to work policy.

As the film progresses, tensions rise as one is promoted and their relationship takes a dark turn.

However, this tension isn’t actually what’s got people talking, it’s actually a scene featuring period sex. Once considered highly taboo, this scene has been praised by Men’s Health, GQ, and viewers on X.

While period sex is unexpected in the film, it can actually be incredibly beneficial and enjoyable for both parties as long as you’re both comfortable and consenting.

Additionally, according to a period sex survey carried out by the period experts at Bodyform, half of adults say that they’d ‘never’ have period sex but 39% of people that get periods say that during their period is when they’d be most inclined to have sex.

So, what are the benefits of period sex?

So, aside from being something that 39% of us just want to be doing on our periods, what are the actual health benefits of having sex during your period?

According to Healthline, the biggest downside to having period sex is just the mess. Blood can get on you, your partner and your bedsheets, especially if you have a heavy flow. But, when isn’t sex just a little messy? Isn’t that part of the fun? Just me?

However, when it comes to the benefits of period sex, it seems that they can make having a period… almost enjoyable which is huge news for the 80% of us that will experience period pain at least once in our lifetimes.

This is because when you have an orgasm, the muscles of your uterus contract and release, bringing relief from period cramps. Of course, sex also triggers the release of endorphins, which are “feel good hormones”.

Finally, if you’re a migraine sufferer that tends to experience attacks during your period, a 2013 study found that many of those who do have sex during their periods say it partially or entirely relieves their attacks.

Are there any risks to having sex during your period?

Regardless of where you are in your cycle, you should practice safe sex but during your period, you should take extra caution. According to Sherry A.Ross, MD and women’s health expert, “It’s possible to not only get pregnant during your period but also to contract an STI.”

How to have period sex

Basically, it’s up to you! According to the period experts at Clue, some people choose to have sex in the shower to reduce mess while others simply put a towel down and others just enjoy getting a little bit messy!

Your period and sex life are both individual to you so whatever you think you’d feel most comfortable doing is what matters. If you’ve never done it before, you may want to work your way up to doing it without the shield of a shower or towel but there’s no shame in diving right in and either way, your uterus will thank you!

Let’s hope that representation like on Fair Play helps to stop period sex stigma all together.

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Sexual Performance Experts Share The Positions You Should Be Trying

When it comes to penises, size is a sensitive topic. No matter how many times you hear “it’s what you do with it that matters”, a lot of people still feel insecure about the size of theirs. According to Lloyds Pharmacy, around 45% of people with penises believe that theirs is small. However, the pharmacy, only 1.6 inches or less is considered to actually be medically small and therefore eligible for treatment.

If you are feeling insecure, though, and feel that your insecurities may be impacting your performance between the sheets, there are some sex positions that are perfectly suited to small penises.

Sex positions for deeper penetration

According to Private Gym, experts in sexual performance, these are the best positions for deeper penetration:

X Marks The Spot

For this position, your partner lies down in front of you with their pelvis positioned at the same height as yours with one or both legs on your shoulders. Then, as you penetrate your partner, slowly raise their butt and back, crossing their ankles on your chest as you continue moving. According to the experts at Private Gym, crossing at the ankles increases your partner’s tightness and having your pelvises at the same height maximises penetration and depth.

Pile Driver

We cannot read the name of this without laughing. We love a get-to-the-point sex position! In this position, your partner lays on their back with each leg swung over their head, towards the floor.Now you squat over them which we know sounds deeply unsexy (yes we’re still laughing, sorry) and penetrate. To maximise penetration and offer more opportunity to stimulate the balls or clit, you can vary this position by spreading the legs outwards into a spread eagle. So, despite the name and the ‘squatting’, this is a deeply intimate position that promises fireworks for both of you.

Doggy Style With A Tighter Twist

Of course, we’re all familiar with doggy style. A favoured position with many In fact, this all-fours delight is the most commonly searched sex position in the world! However, in this snug twist, the receiving partner keeps their legs closed together, forming a tighter fit for the penis and gives opportunity for more teasing of the body while being incredibly intimate.

The Nirvana

Snuggle right into bliss with this position. Have your partner lay in front of you and you above them, with your legs spread outside of theirs, making them tighter. This alternative missionary position is even better if you slide your hands below their butt for deeper penetration and snugness. Lovely.

Basically, it really is what you do with it that matters!

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Doctors Say This Lifestyle Change Can Seriously Improve Your Sex Life

Many of us know that the benefits of reducing or giving up alcohol all together include feeling less stressed, feeling physically healthier, and more alert but did you know that cutting out booze can also make you better in bed?

According to Dr Babak Ashrafi, a GP that specialises in sexual health, there are quite a few bedroom benefits to cutting out booze that may make you want to join the 21% of Brits that have cut out alcohol entirely over the past six months.

How giving up alcohol can improve your sex life

According to Ashrafi: “Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant with short-term and long-term effects on sexual function.

“It impairs coordination, judgement, and reaction time, leading to difficulties in achieving and maintaining erections in men.

“For women, it can increase vaginal dryness, causing discomfort during sex and reducing your libido. While it initially increases sexual desire, excessive consumption decreases libido and arousal over a prolonged period.”

This may be part of what is causing 1 in 5 people assigned male at birth to experience erectile dysfunction.

Giving up alcohol may also improve intimacy between you and your sexual partner. This is because, according to Ashrafi, giving up alcohol can reduce emotional and psychological issues such as anxiety and depression.

He adds that avoiding alcohol means that individuals may experience increased energy and stamina, allowing for “more satisfying and prolonged sexual experiences.”

Giving up alcohol will help you feel more confident in the bedroom

Many of us consider having a few drinks to be ‘liquid courage’ and while Ashrafi acknowledges that alcohol reduces inhibitions, he adds that it isn’t really a long-term solution to confidence issues.

Instead, you may find that confidence comes with the benefits of drinking less. He adds: “With lower levels of stress, anxiety and depression, your mental health can improve, making you feel happier generally.”

This correlates with studies that have found that alcohol is only a temporary solution to confidence issues and is more likely to actually reduce confidence.

Other health benefits of giving up alcohol

Still need one final nudge? We’ve got you. According to NHS Better Health, the health benefits of giving up alcohol are:

  • Feeling better in the mornings
  • Being less tired and more energetic
  • Better-looking skin
  • Saving money
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Lower risk of stroke, hypertension, cancer, and liver disease
  • Lower cholesterol levels
  • Better mood, memory, and quality of sleep

NHS Better Health also has a range of resources to help you cut down your drinking.

Help and support:

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Yes Really – These Are The Most Popular Kinks And Fetishes Worldwide

One of the most fun things about sex and exploring our own sexualities is just how many things we can try. There’s no shame in having a kink and there’s so much joy to be found in accidentally discovering one.

Additionally, as with everything in life, you’re never alone in your kinks, no matter how strange you might think that they are. In fact, according to data provided by Joy Love Dolls and Google search trends, popular kinks can be anything from role play to mummification and what makes you click gets thousands of others’ heart rates going, too.

The most popular kinks and fetishes

So, what are the most popular kinks that we have? Well, Joy Love Dolls analysed a year of Google search trends and, excluding unsafe kinks, compiled them into a list of 10 worldwide favourites.

Sadism

With almost 10 million annual searches, this is by far the most popular kink around the world. If you don’t know what it is, sadism is when you inflict physical or psychological suffering on another person to stimulate sexual excitement and orgasms.

Masochism

So, very much related to sadism and in fact, combined into the acronym S&M with it, masochism is when you derive sexual gratification from your own pain, humiliation, or frustration.

CBT

CBT is commonly used as shorthand in the therapy world for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but in the world of kink, CBT actually stands for Cock and Ball Torture. This is, well, it’s in the name, isn’t it? It is the application of pain or constriction to the penis or testicles for sexual gratification.

Claustrophilia

No, that isn’t a typo. We don’t mean the commonly known claustrophobia, we mean quite the opposite, instead of fearing small or confined places, claustrophilia is being sexually aroused or interested in being confined in small places.

Vicarphilia

We thought this might be when you’re into dressing up as a vicar but no, in fact, it’s becoming aroused by other people’s sexual stories, and living vicariously through them. We didn’t know that this had a name but it turns out that 3.6 million people search for this every year.

Humiliation

People who are into the humiliation kink derive pleasure or erotic excitement from the mixed and powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned.

Role Play

One of the more well-known entries on this list, role play involves indulging in fantasy based on any social role and could incorporate any kind of sexual fetish desired by the participants. Think nurse costumes, dressing up as fictional characters, etc.

Cuckolding

This is when one partner watches their lover having sex with somebody else and derives pleasure from it. There’s also ‘cuckqueaning’ which tends to centre cis females as the cuckold, as opposed to the traditional male being cuckolded.

Age Play

Age play is a form of role play performed by adults pretending to be a different age than they are, usually younger but any age fits the bill.

Impact Play

Impact play involves hitting or being hit with an object in a safe, consensual way to derive sexual pleasure and create or appreciate a sensation of domination.

Mummification

This is an extreme form of bondage that gets around 325,000 searches per year. In mummification, a person is wrapped from head to toe, like a mummy, and are rendered completely immobilised for sexual gratification.

Looking to introduce kink to your relationship?

Nothing can spice up your bedroom life like introducing something new and if you’ve been thinking about trying something out, it’s worth discussing with your sexual partner to see if it’s something they’d like to explore.

Sex and relationships expert, Melissa Stone says: “Cultivating a healthy understanding of fetishes within consensual relationships can hugely enhance intimacy and pleasure within your relationship.”

She added: ”As the search term ‘sex fetish’ has increased in searches by 132% over the past 30 days worldwide, it’s essential to approach fetishes with an open mind, respect, and clear communication between those involved.

“Remember, what may seem unconventional to some is a source of excitement and fulfilment for others.”

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These Were The Best-Selling Sex Toys 20 Years Ago – And Goodness Me

Ah 2002, simpler times indeed.

Mobile phones didn’t connect to the internet, Facebook was still a dream and we listened to music on brand new inventions called iPods.

And it wasn’t just our day to day tech that looked different, the gadgets lurking in our bedside drawers looked seriously different too. But before we were using the Womaniser to get our kicks, what were the best selling sex toys of the early 00s?

Fortunately Lovehoney have been around long enough to share the answer with HuffPost UK – and it’s safe to say that we’ve seriously cum come far in the past 21 years.

Original and still one of the best

Well, it's pretty self-explanatory
Well, it’s pretty self-explanatory

You’re looking at peak sex toy technology in 2002, although it might look seriously commonplace now.

Translucent, purple (the colour of the moment), battery powered with a multispeed base, the chances are you still have some iteration of this vibe in your drawer now 21 years on.

Fortunately, that hard plastic has been replaced by much gentler silicone these days and no longer shall you be bound to AA batteries and buzzy vibration speeds.

Clit-mate Change

We're still trying to understand what it does
We’re still trying to understand what it does

In case you’re wondering, yup, that’s a clit stimulator from 21 years ago, completely with three different hard plastic attachments.

But why all the plastic? Well, two decades ago silicone wasn’t as affordable as it is now in 2023 but thankfully we can now get non-porous, easier-to-clean and more hygienic sex toys made of the material.

Got your tongue?
Got your tongue?

Apparently in 2002 this was the closest you could get to simulated oral – oh yes readers, that is meant to resemble a tongue.

Thankfully we’re living in modern times, where we’ve got way better versions of the above (that don’t look quite as cursed).

Rabbit relaunch

Is that a gumball machine?
Is that a gumball machine?

Yeah… we’re not too sure why there’s a gumball machine stuck in the middle of this vibrator either.

But back in 2002, this was the best-selling vibrator of the time with the best speeds AA batteries could offer – it’s a far cry from the rechargeable, multi-vibration combo delivering toys we can bag from Lovehoney today.

Plastic pleasure for penises

That's a lot of cables
That’s a lot of cables

Sorry penis-havers, your best bet when it came to pleasure in 2002 was the Aries Ram.

A battery operated butt plug and cock ring vibrating duo, made from the hardest plastic of course, the toy had plenty of wires to navigate when using.

Well, it’s safe to say we won’t be rushing to climb into a time machine anytime soon.

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Here’s Everything You’ve Ever Wanted To Know About Squirting

There’s a whole lot of curiosity about squirting — in fact, “how to squirt” is one of the most-Googled sex queries, according to search data. This sexual act is still a bit of mystery, one that continues to flummox sex experts and regular people alike.

Here’s what we know: Squirting occurs when fluid is expelled through the urethra during sexual stimulation or orgasm. It’s sometimes referred to as “female ejaculation,” but it can happen to trans and non-binary people, too.

While many people use the terms squirting and female ejaculation interchangeably, some experts believe they are actually two distinct phenomena that produce different fluids. However, research on the subject is lacking, and the studies we do have involve very small sample sizes.

“What one source says is often contradicted by another,” sexuality educator Susan Milstein, co-author of “Human Sexuality: Making Informed Decisions,” told HuffPost.

Those who differentiate between the two say squirt is a large amount of clear liquid that is chemically similar — but not identical — to diluted urine (more on that later). Ejaculate, on the other hand, is a smaller quantity of a thicker, milky substance.

“Squirting involves fluid coming from the bladder. And female ejaculation involves fluid that comes from the Skene’s glands,” Milstein said. Also known as the “female prostate,” these glands are located near the opening of the urethra.

Female ejaculate has been found to contain a high concentration of prostate-specific antigen (PSA), while squirt may also contain PSA, but in a lower concentration. It’s worth noting that squirting and ejaculation can also happen simultaneously.

The release of fluid during female arousal or climax may be a fairly common occurrence. Some studies have put the prevalence at between 10% and 54% of women.

“We pee when we’re peeing, we squirt when we’re squirting, and sometimes we pee during sex. All separate events.”

– Luna Matatas, sex and pleasure educator

Sex therapist Nazanin Moali, host of the “Sexology” podcast, said she receives “tons of questions” about squirting from clients and listeners. They often fall into two camps.

“The first group of people idealise squirting and romanticise it as the only way to experience a deep satisfaction,“ Moali told HuffPost. “The other group includes women who feel embarrassed by it.” If it happens during sex, she said, they worry “their partner may assume they’re urinating.”

Sex experts address these common concerns, and others, below.

First off, squirting is not just peeing.

Let’s clear one thing up. Squirting may occur via the urethra — the tube that connects the bladder to the outside of the body — and the fluid may contain urine, but it’s not the same as urinating during sex.

“We pee when we’re peeing, we squirt when we’re squirting, and sometimes we pee during sex,” sex and pleasure educator Luna Matatas told HuffPost. “All separate events. I think the big concern is more about body and sexual shame than it is about squirting facts.”

Science “doesn’t center the pleasure of vulvas in research,” she added, “so we are way behind on understanding the pleasure anatomy and its functions.”

A sex toy reviewer who goes by the name Epiphora — and runs the blog Hey Epiphora — pointed to the studies that have found prostate-specific antigen in squirt, as well as her own experience with squirting, as evidence that it’s not “just urine,” as some claim.

“An army of vagina-owners, including myself, know the stuff they ejaculate does not look, smell or taste like pee,” she told HuffPost.

Squirting can feel good, but it’s not the be-all, end-all of sexual pleasure.

Despite what porn and other media might have you think, squirting is not a measure of how much a person enjoyed a given sexual activity.

“Some women may love the sex play, and yet never squirt,” Milstein said. “And some women may squirt every time they’re sexually aroused. That doesn’t mean that every time they have sex, it’s the best sex of their lives.”

Similarly, some people consider squirting “the pinnacle of sexuality,” said Moali. If they’re unable to do it, they feel like they’re missing out, their body is letting them down or their partner is falling short.

While squirting “can be pleasurable, it’s not a necessity for experiencing pleasure during sexual encounters,” Moali said. “If you’re interested in trying it, squirting can be fun. But if you’re not, your sex life can still be very hot.”

Nor do squirting and orgasms always go hand in hand. And when squirting orgasms do happen, they’re not necessarily more satisfying than other types of orgasms.

“Bombastic media coverage loves to claim that squirting equals bigger, better orgasms,” Epiphora said. “This is an insidious lie. Squirting is not a life requirement in any way, shape, or form. If you want to pursue it, great! Your sexual explorations should be dictated by you, not pressure from culture.”

Can you teach yourself to squirt?

There’s some disagreement as to whether you can learn how to squirt, Milstein said. However, if you have a vulva, you “can probably experience it with enough practice,” said Moali.

Again, squirting is by no means necessary for a fulfilling sex life, and you shouldn’t feel pressured — by a partner or yourself — to do it. However, if you’re interested in getting to know your body better and uncovering new sensations, read on. (Just know that not everyone enjoys the feeling, Epiphora noted.)

First, lay down a towel or sex blanket to prepare for any potential mess. Then, take a deep breath and relax. Our experts agreed that if you want to squirt, taking the stress out of the endeavor is essential. When you’re so focused on a particular outcome, it’s difficult to enjoy the experience.

“Stop trying so hard,” Matatas said. “Our body relies on our nervous system being in a receptive and relaxed state in order to open up the flow for arousal and for muscle contractions to happen. When we focus too hard on a goal like squirting or orgasm, it takes us into our heads and often results in more tension and less relaxation.”

Another tip? Slow things down and leave plenty of time for foreplay.

“People learning to squirt will want to allow at least half an hour to get fully turned on and stimulated,” Moali said.

Matatas recommended getting the body “super aroused” with 20 minutes or more of an activity you know you respond well to. That might be making out, watching porn or using sex toys.

Pay special attention to the G-spot; the erogenous zone located along the anterior vaginal wall is key for many people who squirt.

“Give G-spot-specific stimulation with a firm and curved G-spot sex toy,” Matatas said. “G-spots like firm and continuous stimulation, so rocking instead of thrusting might work better for building pleasure. Don’t hold your breath, remember to breathe, and notice any tension anywhere in the body. Take breaks if it is taking too long for you, and remember you can always try again.”

You may still find “mind-blowing pleasure” with these kinds of toys “even if you don’t actually squirt,” said Milstein.

You can also stimulate the G-spot by pressing with the fingers, Moali said.

“You can pinpoint the exact spot that you or your partner likes,” she said. “Plus, they are flexible enough to try different motions until you learn what your partner needs to squirt.”

“Your sexual explorations should be dictated by you, not pressure from culture.”

– Epiphora, sex toy reviewer and blogger at Hey Epiphora

When Epiphora squirted for the first time 15 years ago, it didn’t “just happen” to her — she “had to pursue it,” she said. She had read online that intense G-spot stimulation could lead to squirting and that the initial feeling would be like the one you get when you need to pee. One day, she was using a curved dildo when she felt that sensation and followed it, she said.

“I sped up, thrusting as quickly as I physically could, until a warm sensation washed over my vulva and fluid poured out of me. It was an intense moment. I was in awe,” Epiphora said. She credits sex toys with her “G-spot awakening,” which helped her enjoy penetration for the first time in her life. (The best sex toy for squirting, in her opinion? The njoy Pure Wand.)

Over time, squirting became easier for her to achieve. These days, her orgasms are “regularly accompanied by a small gush,” but “full-on squirting is a once-in-a-while thing” because it’s “too messy,” she said.

The G-spot may often be associated with squirting, but you don’t need to stimulate that area in order to squirt, Matatas said.

“You can stimulate other erogenous zones like nipples, anuses, lips, etc.,” she said. “Explore fuller body pleasure by giving attention to under-served erogenous zones like necks, scalps, thighs, bellies, backs.”

And while squirting can be an enjoyable addition to your sexual repertoire, “it may happen sometimes and not others,” Milstein said. “Or it may not happen at all.”

“Regardless, don’t let the focus on squirting get in the way of you enjoying what you’re doing,” she said.

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Gillian Anderson Wants You To Write About Your Sex Life

Sex – everyone is doing it, but why are women in particular so shy to talk about it? Well, Gillian Anderson wants to give women the opportunity to write about their most intimate sexual fantasies.

She’s launching the ‘Dear Gillian’ project. A generation-defining book, where women will write anonymous letters to Gillian, exploring what they really think about sex. “I am asking for letters of around 1,000 (but no more than 2,500) words, in any language, describing your most intimate, private sexual fantasies,” Anderson says.

“Simply open your letter with ‘Dear Gillian,’ and let your imagination run wild. I will, of course, also share my own,” she adds.

Writing in the Guardian, Anderson spoke about reading My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies’ to prepare her for her role as a sex therapist, Jean Milburn in the Netflix series, Sex Education. “I’d always heard people talk about My Secret Garden, and so in preparation, I read it for the first time,”

“Its unfiltered and painful honesty shook me. These letters and interviews were incredibly intimate and very raw. They weren’t necessarily over polished, or trying to be literary; they seemed to come straight from the mysterious heart of the women’s innermost yearning.”

Whilst reading the book Anderson recalls feeling sad at the amount of sexual frustration the women in the book were experiencing. “I’d always heard people talk about My Secret Garden, and so in preparation, I read it for the first time,” Anderson says.

“Many had never experienced an orgasm. Some didn’t know what a sexual fantasy was; others could not acknowledge that they had them,”

She now wants to write the 21st-century version of My Secret Garden. “Let’s create an era-defining text that cuts right to the heart of what it is to be a woman today. A book that will hopefully inspire women for generations to come,” she says.

The book will be published by Bloomsbury Publishing. Submit your letters here by midnight, 28 February.

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No, Christmas Is Not The Time To Slide Into Your Ex’s DMs

It’s almost Christmas and work is finally winding down. Instead of using this time wisely to plan goals for next year or productively to wrap the presents under your tree, you’re doing what you do best: time-wasting on social media.

You scroll and scroll and – what’s this? – somehow you’ve made it onto your ex’s Instagram page (whoops!). It’s been a while since you last spoke so you think: let me just wish them an early merry Christmas. What’s the harm in that?

Because let’s face it, who hasn’t been contacted by an ex-partner or fling over the holiday season – or done a little festive messaging ourselves?

These dwindling days of the year are often a time for reflection and/or twiddling our thumbs. A time to think about the people you miss (or the ones you missed out on). And whether you’re single or in a relationship, it’s now we mull over who we really appreciate and want to keep in our lives. Or who we want back…

Chris*, 27, a product designer from Manchester received an interesting email just this Tuesday. The subject read “Hi Christopher.” It was his ex of a few years back reaching out to ask for forgiveness and apologise for past mistakes.

“I had forgiven her years ago so I was quite shocked when I saw the email,” Chris tells HuffPost UK. “She asked to meet up, but I replied and said this would be inappropriate. I think she’s still holding on to the past but I’ve moved on and hope she does the same.”

Sometimes the contact is not as chill. Savannah*, a 23-year-old doctor from London, only broke up with her partner at the start of 2022, but due to the nature of the relationship, it didn’t end on good terms.

Following their split, Savannah blocked the ex across several different platforms, but this didn’t stop him from trying to get in touch – and he recently attempted to contact Savannah through their joint Netflix account. She removed his profile, but he somehow logged back in and deleted her account entirely.

“He’s done that because he knows it’s the only way he can get through to me,” she says. “I would never want to get back to him again and he knows this, which is why he’s trying so hard.”

It’s not all unhappy endings, however. Laura*, a 29 year old writer from east London reached out to an ex-situationship fling last Christmas.

“We stopped dating a month before but, I really missed him so I texted him on Christmas morning. We live really close to each other so I wanted to press my luck to see if he would come and see me in the evening,” she tells HuffPost UK.

“Even though he didn’t visit me, we spent the whole day talking which felt nice and familiar. I have a small family so Christmas always feels a bit boring, I think I reached out to him so I could have some entertainment throughout the day.”

A few days later the former fling ended up visiting her. And spoiler alert: “We started dating again. So I guess you could say it worked,” she says.

Sliding into your ex’s DMs over Christmas ended up being a good move for Laura but is this really a time to be contacting past lovers?

Relationship and dating expert Christiana Maxion weighs in.

Why do people feel the need to message their exes during the Christmas holidays?

There’s usually a reason an ex tends to reach out during the holidays – and that reason might not necessarily be you, warns Maxion.

“It could be because they have ‘time’ on their hands whilst off work, stuck and bored within a family situation, or feeling nostalgic or maudlin,” she says.

“This will make them think about the potential for a new hook up or about a past love. They will then use any excuse to try and get back into your good graces. And they’re also hoping that the holiday cheer will erase bad memories and you’ll let them back in and engage with their contact.”

What if it’s you who gets the urge to message?

Maybe you’re like Laura and feel the pull to message someone you once dated? Maxion says it’s easy to remember the good times especially around Christmas, but an ex is usually an ex for a reason.

However, maybe your past relationship ended down to bad timing or a set of circumstances that have since changed.

Whoever makes the first contact again, Maxion advises asking yourself: “Do you still have feelings for this person? Are they [or you] trying to rekindle love or just seeking attention? Are they bored with family or actually interested in you?”

Being back home can conjuring up past feelings, she says, which can make you want to take a stroll down memory lane in other ways. “Let your answers inform you as to whether this is a truly good idea or not.” she recommends.

How should we respond if an ex reaches out to us?

“I would ignore an ex if you’re over them or in a new relationship. Silence speaks volumes!.” Maxion says. And if it feels like a sign to revisit things?

By all means, explore your feelings, “if you can be clear headed about it, disregarding the obvious ‘cheer’ and goodwill we fill ourselves with at Christmas.” But explore your motivations too, she adds.

“Make sure you ask yourself those questions – you’ll find your answer!”

* Surnames have been omitted to offer anonymity

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‘My Boyfriend Is Great, So Why Do I Want Sex With Other People?’

You’re reading Love Stuck, where trained therapists answer your dating, sex and relationship dilemmas. You can submit a question here.

The feeling of finding your perfect match is something you can’t explain – like that person was handmade for you and can fulfil all your wants and needs. But what happens if you think you’ve met your soulmate, but still find yourself fancying other people, even wanting to stray.

This is Katie’s dilemma. “My boyfriend is super nice, so sweet, surprises me often, sex is amazing, it’s the first relationship I’ve ever been in that’s healthy but for some reason, I want to have sex with other people,” Katie says.

“I don’t think I love him as much as I thought I did. What do I do? He moved in with me after four months of dating and now I don’t want him there but he’s doing nothing wrong, it’s just me. What do I do?”

Counselling Directory member Ilia Galouzidi is on hand to give Katie her advice.

What is your initial response to this dilemma? What would you say to this reader?

Galouzidi says she thinks it’s great that Katie has found someone who matches her in several areas and that she considers it a healthy relationship. However, she says that “we may often think that once we form a relationship that feels healthy with another person, we automatically abandon the part of ourselves that gets attracted by other people or needs to be seen and feel wanted.”

And it doesn’t usually work this way, she adds.

“We may enjoy being attracted by others or being attractive to others and still run an honest loving relationship with our partner,” Galouzidi says. “This is mainly because the feeling of desire and the feeling of love are different things.”

Why might a person crave sex with others, even in a good relationship?

Galouzidi wants Katie to start by asking herself the following question: am I usually craving sex from being attracted to someone, or when someone is attracted to me?

“Responding yes might just mean you appreciate attractiveness to people and/or you have a high sexual drive. If you tend towards the latter, you may want to think about how important is to you to feel attractive,” Galouzidi says.

“Then in relation to your relationship: do you feel desired, and equally, how much do you desire your partner? Desire is usually about elements of mystery, playfulness, and unpredictability.

“So you may also want to ask yourself: what elements make someone desirable to me? Am I desiring my partner in this way?”

How can moving in together change the dynamic of a relationship?

Moving in with someone can be challenging for couples, says Galouzidi.

“Although it has its benefits and may bring closeness to the partners, it can also create a lot of changes to their lifestyles,” she explains. “Suddenly, people may lose their private space or need to claim their private moments.”

Katie might want to ask yourself: how has my lifestyle changed? Which changes are welcome and which are more challenging? The answers to these questions can help a couple set boundaries to make sure each party respects the other person’s space and lifestyle, says Galouzidi.

Then, there is the element of familiarity. “Moving in together may get us familiar with each other’s habits, preferences, and peculiarities, which on one hand may create a sense of closeness and intimacy, but on the other hand, may take away the “mystery” and excitement that comes with it,” Galouzidi explains.

What practical steps can this reader take to figure out what she wants and adjust her relationship accordingly?

Galouzidi suggests Katie does a bit of self-exploration and reflection by asking herself the questions above to gain a deeper understanding of her personal needs and non-negotiables in the relationship. She may then want to share her findings with her partner in a non-judgmental way.

“Remember, a healthy relationship also means being able to put clear boundaries and feel heard and respected,” says Galouzidi. “You may find it helpful to pencil down time in your calendars when each of you can have some privacy at home. Also, you may want to try different sex games with your partner to ignite mystery and playfulness in the bedroom.”

She also wants Katie to ask herself how close to enacting her sex cravings she is. “Does it require effort from your end to be loyal to your partner? You are not a bad person if you answered: very close or very effortful. I am sure you respect your partner’s feelings and your intention is to be truthful to him.

“However, maybe clarifying your needs at the moment is crucial, so you can show up to yourself and your relationship with honesty.”

Love Stuck is for those who’ve hit a romantic wall, whether you’re single or have been coupled up for decades. With the help of trained sex and relationship therapists, HuffPost UK will help answer your dilemmas. Submit a question here.

Rebecca Zisser/HuffPost UK

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