I Asked A Psychologist, A Dream Analyst, And A Sexologist What It Means When You Dream About Someone

Posted on 14/01/2025 by Boris Clair

There’s something about dreams that feels more true and real than a daytime fantasy, isn’t there?

Maybe it’s got to do with the fact that you have no control over what you think ― and, because you’re asleep, no other stimuli to focus on when they’re happening.

All of which is to say: while I feel I shouldn’t be much affected by my dreams, I’ve been known to glare at my partner after they sinned in my slumbering mind or get emotional after seeing someone in my sleep.

In an effort to find out why I’m so bothered by my brain’s own handiwork, I thought I’d reach out to the experts to ask what it means when you dream about someone.

HuffPost UK spoke to therapist Melissa Giuttari, who’s trained in Jungian dream analysis, psychologist Dr Leah Kaylor, and licenced sexologist Sofie Roos about the topic.

So… what does it mean?

Dr Kaylor told HuffPost UK that dreams often happen during the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep, which she says is when “the brain processes emotions helping you work through the experiences of the day.”

So, she argues, “Dreaming about someone may reflect that your brain is processing your emotions and interactions with them.” It may also have to do with the feeling you associate with that person, or what they stand for, she adds.

Guittari seems to agree, saying: “From a Jungian dream analysis perspective, we typically look at the people that show up in our dreams as symbols of different parts of ourselves (versus a literal representation of the dream character).”

She says that when someone in her practice keeps seeing someone in their dreams, she asks them to describe that person in three adjectives.

“This begins our investigation into the unconscious meanings of the dream persona,” she explains.

For Roos, though, the nighttime appearances might be due to suppressed feelings.

“Seeing someone in your dreams often means that you think about them without really paying attention to how often you do it, or that you try to push the thoughts of them away even though they’re still there and that therefore needs to be processed in your dreams,” she suggested.

The sexologist says it can be “a common indicator that you’re actually really into them, even though you many times don’t want to admit it for your awake self.”

Does dreaming about someone mean anything about my relationship with them?

According to all three experts, the resounding answer is an absolute “maybe.”

Dr Kaylor commented: “Dreams have the potential to act like a mirror, reflecting your subconscious thoughts about the person or your relationship, even if you’re not fully aware of them.”

But she continued, “It may also be less about the person and more about your emotional connection—your brain uses dreams to work through feelings or situations involving them.”

Guittari, meanwhile, sees nighttime cameos as a way to “uncover latent desires, wish fulfilment, or repressed fears, anxieties or conflicts of the dreamer’s psyche” ― a “way of the unconscious trying to bring messages and awareness to the conscious self.”

Roos, on the other hand, says “there’s often no better matchmaker than your [unsoncious] self when letting everything come to you without prejudice or filters.”

If you’re “often seeing the very same person in your dreams, especially in romantic or sexual contexts,” there may be more to the connection, the sexologist suggests.

Still, Dr Kaylor says you should see dreams, including those about people you know as more of an ”‘emotional detox’ that leaves you mentally refreshed and ready to face new challenges” than as revelatory truth-tellers.

So if you’re worried about how you saw someone in your sleep, don’t be ― though they “serve an important purpose,” dreams have more to do with processing your emotions and “helping you make sense of your daily experiences” than they do setting you up with your soulmate, she says.

I’m A Doctor ― Here’s How To Deal With Social Anxiety This Christmas

Posted on 22/12/2024 by Boris Clair

I know that socialising is good for us and is meant to be one of the best parts of the festive season, but I have to be honest with you: I can’t think of a worse time to face a chock-full social calendar.

Not only is the weather dark and rainy, but I’m constantly bloated from the endless festive treats, I have loads of little Christmassy tasks to complete, and ― like many of us in the UK ― seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is making my social anxiety even worse.

So, I thought I’d speak to Dr Suzanne Wylie, GP and medical adviser for IQdoctor, about how to manage the added stress.

“During Christmas, these feelings can become heightened due to the increased social interactions, family gatherings, and heightened expectations of being cheerful and sociable,” she told HuffPost UK.

“The pressure to perform in a festive environment, combined with the potential for awkward encounters or family tensions, can make people with social anxiety feel overwhelmed and vulnerable,” she added.

Here are her 10 tips for making the period more manageable:

1. Plan ahead

“Preparation can alleviate much of the stress associated with social events,” Dr Wylie shared.

She adds that it’s a good idea to set boundaries and say “no” to events you know you’re going to hate.

“Familiarise yourself with the location and attendees of each event, and mentally rehearse conversations or scenarios that might arise,” she shared.“Knowing what to expect helps reduce uncertainty, a common trigger for social anxiety.”

2. Practise mindfulness

Deep breathing and grounding exercises might sound a little woo-woo, but the GP says they can really help.

“Before entering a social situation, spend a few minutes focusing on your breath or anchoring yourself in the present moment,” she advised.

“These exercises calm the nervous system, making it easier to engage with others.”

3. Take small steps

Ever let “current you” burden “future you” with endless engagements, only to realise to your horror that those are actually the same person?

Well, the doctor says what I wish I’d heard years ago; there’s no point stacking your calendar if you’re not usually interested in socialising too much.

“Start with smaller, low-pressure gatherings to build confidence,” she recommends.

“If large family events feel daunting, consider arriving early when there are fewer people, allowing you to acclimatise before the crowd grows.”

And don’t downplay your achievements: “Celebrating small victories, like initiating a conversation, can build momentum for bigger challenges,” the GP says.

4. Use a social buffer

A supportive friend or family member can make all the difference, Dr Wylie says.

“Alternatively, having a “safe zone” in mind, such as a quiet room, gives you a retreat when needed,” she told HuffPost UK.

5. Set realistic expectations

If you’re not a fan of the limelight, there’s no point pretending to be a social butterfly, the GP stated.

“Don’t pressure yourself to be the life of the party. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel anxious and remind yourself that most people are too focused on their own experiences to scrutinise yours,” she commented.

“Giving yourself permission to be imperfect can lessen self-critical thoughts.”

6. Practise active listening

“If initiating conversation feels challenging, focus on listening,” Dr Wiley stated.

“Asking open-ended questions “can take the pressure off you and foster genuine connections, often reducing social anxiety.”

7. Limit alcohol and caffeine

You might think that that shot of Bourbon is your only possible path through your work Christmas ’do, but the GP advises against it.

“While alcohol may seem like a quick fix for nerves, overindulgence can worsen anxiety and impair judgment,” she said; “Similarly, caffeine can heighten symptoms like a racing heart.”

Dr Wiley says plain ol’ water might lead to less stress in the long run.

8. Use positive visualisation

Manifesting isn’t just for six-bedroom homes and a glizty job, the GP says.

“Spend time imagining yourself navigating social situations successfully. Picture yourself smiling, feeling at ease, and enjoying interactions,” she told us.

“This mental rehearsal can build confidence and counteract negative anticipations.”

9. Leverage technology

If you’re really dreading that meet-up, the doctor says you can set up a video call or online get-together instead.

“Video calls or group chats provide a way to stay connected without the intensity of face-to-face interactions,” she shared.

10. Seek Professional Support

If you’re seriously struggling, the doctor says speaking to a pro might be necessary.

“Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and other evidence-based approaches can equip you with tools to manage anxiety more effectively, ensuring you enjoy the festive season,” she told HuffPost UK.

She added that some signs you may need professional help include:

Avoiding all social situations, leading to isolation.
Persistent distress that doesn’t improve with self-help measures.
Physical symptoms, like panic attacks, that feel unmanageable.
A sense of hopelessness or a negative impact on mental health overall.

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

Engage 7: How to Reach a Stunning New Level of Freedom

Posted on 20/12/2024 by Boris Clair

Lesson 7 of the free Engage course covers how to significantly increase your freedom, so you can enjoy a remarkable flow of time abundance to explore and experience what most appeals to you, including delightful connections with highly compatible people. This video reveals many subtleties that affect how much freedom you can access, express, and experience – there’s a LOT packed into it.

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Feel free to share your feedback in the YouTube comments as well.

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Enjoy!

Engage 5: Gentle Sexual Abundance

Posted on 28/11/2024 by Boris Clair

Lesson 5 of the free Engage course covers how to use sex energy in a gentle way to create a deliciously abundant sex life that’s right for you. This one is very unique, sharing ideas about sexuality and sex energy that I haven’t seen shared anywhere else.

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This video has a very relaxed pacing, so you may want to watch it at a faster speed if you’d like to go through it more quickly. Or grab a cup of tea and listen while reflecting on your own relationship with sex energy, how this relationship has evolved over time, and where it may want to go next.

Feel free to share your feedback in the YouTube comments as well.

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Enjoy!

6 People Share The WTF Moments They Had After Moving In With A Partner

Posted on 25/11/2024 by Boris Clair

As anybody who has ever moved in with a close friend will tell you, you never really know somebody until you live with them.

This is doubly-true for partners. Suddenly, there is nowhere to hide. You can’t hold in farts for the rest of your life, your guilty pleasure awful food combos are now out in the open and your strange behaviours? Well, there’s only so much you can hide them really.

As most of us know, these things ultimately endear us more to our partners. Yes, they’re weirdos but they’re our weirdos.

With this in mind, Reddit users got together to admit their own domestic chaos in answer to the question: “What was your ‘wtf are you doing?!’ moment after moving in with a partner?”

DavdavUltra commented with an absolute corker, saying: “In my parents house we always used to change the duvet sheets by one person getting inside of the new sheet inside out and the other person passes the two corners of the duvet to you and then you turn it right way round over the duvet. Yaknow to make sure it is in all the corners.”

… No, I don’t know.

They continued: “So while my partner was doing the pillows I put the fresh duvet cover on top of me and shouted ‘Im ready’. She turned around and said what the fuck are you doing?”

Truly losing my mind at the thought of this duvet ghost declaring “I’m ready!” to their unsuspecting partner.

DundeeDude delivered a short horror story saying: “They made a cup of tea… oddly: Milk-> teabag-> water-> sugar.”

Milk. Then. Teabag.

TryNo8062 gave a weird but wholesome response, saying: “Saw him fold his dirty shirt before putting it in the laundry basket.”

I don’t know, I think this is sweet. Green flag, in my opinion.

Another sweet answer came from scarygirth (OK) who said: “She still sleeps cuddled up with one of her dad’s old tshirts like she would as a kid. It’s bloody adorable.”

Welsh_dresser said: “When he couldn’t fit any more rubbish in the kitchen bin, so threw it on the floor next to the bin.”

I wouldn’t even accept that from a toddler, TBH. Yuck.

Finally, and most upsettingly, BungedItIn revealed: “When she moved in I found a butter knife in the downstairs and upstairs toilet….. for her very strong poos when she’s on protein time.”

I didn’t need my appetite anyway, it’s fine.

Bucket List Challenge – Round 2 Begins

Posted on 19/11/2024 by Boris Clair

Today, November 19, at 11:11 AM Pacific Time, we enthusiastically begin Round 2 of our community Bucket List Challenge. There are 3 rounds total with 4 Zoom calls per round. All the details are spelled out on the Bucket List Challenge page, including the price, which is a very low $333 – so virtually nothing relative to the immense value of massively expanding your experiential range and having some new life experiences that you’d otherwise never get to have.

Yes, you can still join now, and you’ll get all the Round 1 recordings (and those for all three rounds when they’re published). We publish each video to the BLC member portal the same day the live call happens. You can attend any or all of the 8 remaining calls live, or watch the recordings (or both). Same price either way, nice and simple.

Round 1 was a lovely warmup with the encouragement to pick something relatively easy but still richly meaningful. I picked something I’ve never done before, which was to celebrate Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). That was my main one for the first round, but I also had many other fascinating new experiences. Here’s a list I recently shared about it in Conscious Growth Club:

Celebrating Día de los Muertos with Rachelle for the first time ever. This included learning more about its history and roots, acquiring and setting up decorations in our home (including papel picado), creating our first ofrenda, getting a Día de los Muertos oracle card deck and doing many readings with it (including on a CGC call), going to two local festivals on November 2nd and enjoying music + dance troupes + art + food + vendors + more, acquiring some related art, and connecting a lot more with ancestral energy. This was super lovely all around, and I’m so glad we did it. This was my official selection that I chose during Round 1. I wanted to pick something meaningful and flexible but not overly complex. I’d say this was just perfect for me at this time. It was deeper and richer than I expected, precious even, and I love that we can build upon it in future years.
Doing a couple’s MDMA session for the first time ever. We’re still in the ripples of that, which is progressing with more insights and transformations each day. This past week has been the sexiest of my life… so shamelessly slutty. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I seem to be ridiculously happy too. This has really cracked open a ton of fresh insights, shifts, and reframes about relationships, sex, and love – and how simple and natural it can all be when the blocks and filters are swept aside.
Making cannabutter for the first time (from 15 different strains) and testing different amounts of it, ranging from about 100mg to 700mg so far. It’s definitely potent, wonderfully well-balanced, and really useful for deep inner journeys. I like how simple and also precise this exploration method is. It’s such an easygoing and cooperative energy to work with. I’m learning to direct the journeys with it more consciously, telling it what I want to work on and then letting it help me. I feel like I’m pulling out a lot of bent nails and pieces of broken glass that were stuck in my human matrix, like I’m doing energy-level surgery and chiropractic adjustments.
Trying a new cannabis strain called Strange Haze #8, accepting the invite to define and cast my own intentions and expectations onto it before trying it. It really did flow with what I expected of it.
Did a deep cannabis inner journey on a plane for the first time (with two Indica gummies), which was perfect for a 4-hour flight. There was something about being 30,000 feet off the ground that made it extra engaging, whereby the symbolism of being high up was woven into the experience.
Trying a new mushroom variety called Goldmember, which is a hybrid of Golden Teacher and Penis Envy. It was surprisingly gentle and also long-lasting in duration. Since I have access to two other varieties too, this opens up more combos to experiment with as well.
Went to Chicago and had lots of new experiences there, including as a riverboat tour, hitting up a bunch of museums, and seeing two parades. My favorite part of that trip was seeing a 1921 silent movie (The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari) with a live organist. That was such a unique and memorable night – and not something we’d preplanned. We just stumbled upon the theater while walking around.

For Round 2 I’m not prepping a bunch of mental content to share. That was Round 1’s energy, which gave you a very rich and deep framework for identifying, filtering, probing, committing to, and advancing new experiences you’d love to have.

For Round 2 I’m going to host the calls by sensing and flowing where the energy wants to go at each point. The BLC has a consciousness of its own – formed by the collective intentions of everyone participating – and it’s going to take us on a beautiful journey together. All you need to do is show up and be willing to dance with it. I think what it brings up this time will surprise you. I expect to be surprised too because it’s showing me many of the vibes we’ll be working with, but it isn’t showing me the details yet. That tells me it has some surprises up its sleeve.

So please come dance with us through Round 2 of the BLC. Bring your expectations if you wish, but also be open to having them swept aside, so something even better can emerge for all of us.

And oh you’re gonna have so much fun on today’s call. It’s going to be very divergent and creative – and definitely sexy. Don’t wimp out! Show up and participate, and you’ll have a great time!

Skim the details on the Bucket List Challenge invite page if you want, and then follow your heart and trust your intuition, click the Join button on that page, take a minute or two to enroll, and I’ll see you inside!

5 Not-So-Obvious Signs You Might Be Headed For Divorce

Posted on 07/09/2024 by Boris Clair

Even the healthiest long-term relationships have their fair share of ups and downs. So how do you know when you’re wading through some choppy-but-temporary waters versus when the relationship is seriously in decline?

We asked couples therapists to share some of the not-so-obvious signs a marriage may be heading toward divorce. Here’s what to look out for, according to our experts:

1. You’ve stopped fighting with each other

This one may seem counterintuitive at first because many people believe that less arguing is indicative of a relationship’s strength, said Los Angeles marriage and family therapist Abigail Makepeace.

But when a couple no longer has a desire to hash out their issues, it may indicate they’ve become emotionally disengaged.

“The absence of conflict might suggest that one or both partners no longer see the relationship as worth fighting for or, in a broader sense, as worth saving,” Makepeace told HuffPost. “If one partner stops complaining without any resolution to the underlying issues, it could be a sign that they have given up on the relationship and are preparing to leave.”

West Los Angeles clinical psychologist David Narang said he has observed this while working with male patients in heterosexual marriages. At first, their wives may express their sadness and anger when they feel deprived of emotional connection. This generates conflict and gets the husbands’ attention. But when the wives stop sharing their frustrations, the husbands are often relieved. They figure all is well in the marriage‚ but this assumption is “an error with tragic consequences,” Narang told HuffPost.

“In this situation, the wife has not calmed because all is well, but rather because she has given up, is disengaged, and is beginning to live an emotionally separate life,” he continued.

“This makes the marriage extremely fragile because she has given up getting nourishment from the marriage, and thus, she has less and less investment in it. As such, she is much more likely to react by filing for divorce when something goes wrong,” he said.

2. Your lives have become more and more separate

It’s normal and healthy for partners to maintain some independence within a marriage — whether that’s having their own friendships, career aspirations or hobbies. A “growing sense of division,” however, can be a warning sign that the marriage is in decay, Makepeace said.

“In couples experiencing trouble, the trend toward spending more time apart may not just reflect a healthy balance but rather a preference for living separate lives,” she said. “This increasing separation often points to a deeper disconnect and a diminished desire to share experiences together.”

3. You’re not transparent with one another

Marriage and family therapist Marni Feuerman in Boca Raton, Florida, draws a distinction between privacy and secrecy in a relationship, telling HuffPost: “Privacy is about personal boundaries, while secrecy is about intentionally hiding something.”

If partners have been intentionally keeping secrets from one another, it may signal the marriage is inching toward divorce.

“A lack of trust might be a more obvious reason but there may be more ‘under-the-radar’ type reasons as well,” she said. “For example, one or both of you are more avoidant of intimacy or less willing to take emotional risks with each other so you do not disclose as much about your activities and inner thoughts with your partner. This will certainly erode the emotional connection between you.”

4. You rarely talk about the future

When couples stop discussing their goals or plans for the future, it may indicate a “lack of desire to grow and experience life together,” Makepeace said.

“This absence of future planning often arises from a sense of complacency, where partners become overly comfortable with the present and lose motivation to improve or evolve their relationship,” she continued.

“Consequently, feelings of stagnation can set in, leading to boredom, a lack of personal and relational growth, and general unhappiness.”

Over time, if a couple can no longer imagine a fulfilling future life together, it can “prompt a reevaluation of the relationship, potentially leading to separation,” Makepeace added.

5. You confide more in other people more than you do in your spouse

Another less obvious sign is if you find yourself opening up to a friend, co-worker or relative than you do your spouse, Feuerman said.

“An intimate bond isn’t built with your partner if you don’t bring your inner world to them regularly, including your dreams, hopes, fears, and so on,” she said. “If someone else knows more about you than your spouse, this is a bad sign for the marriage. Perhaps some solid boundaries need to be put in place with others and more emotional energy put toward your marriage?”

One important note here: Too often, unhappy partners don’t tell their spouse how miserable they are “until it’s almost too late,” marriage and family therapist Becky Whetstone in Little Rock, Arkansas, told HuffPost. That’s why it’s so important to speak up when you’re struggling rather than bottling it up. And don’t hesitate to lean on outside resources — such as books and professional counselling — to help you rebuild and strengthen the relationship.

“There is so much to know about having a great marriage,” Whetstone said. “People can’t expect you to wing it; you have to be mindful and deliberate. I tell couples to dig in with a good therapist, let them be their teachers and learn the skills. It’s so worth it.”

Engage 2: Stronger Than Fear

Posted on 17/08/2024 by Boris Clair

Here’s lesson 2 from the new Engage course on creating an experientially rich life. This deep lesson covers how to bypass fear energy, including anxiety, worry, dread, and shyness, so you can access a greater variety of experiences without getting blocked.

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New lessons will be added when they’re ready (42 lessons total).

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Enjoy the lesson!

Bases Loaded Reflections + Videos Now Available

Posted on 15/07/2024 by Boris Clair

I’m happy to report that last week’s Bases Loaded event on Life Balance went exceedingly well. I’m really delighted with how it turned out – mentally and emotionally it was a very heart-opening and connected experience. If you haven’t gone through it yet, I strongly encourage you to get the recordings and watch them this week. It’s only $42 for all four days’ worth – more than 9 hours total. Feel free to watch it at double speed if you like.

I felt very tuned in and enthusiastic all throughout the event. Participation was fabulous, and there were some pretty moving moments too, especially near the end of Day 2.

I’ve been taking a different approach to my work this year – really going much further in the direction of vibrational alignment, which is such a great way to create breakthroughs when nothing else works. Sometimes we reach the point in life where the only practical way to advance is to permanently and meaningfully boost our default vibes and then keep them there. No going back to the old vibes.

Bases Loaded takes this vibrational approach and applies it to the challenge of creating a beautifully balanced and harmonious life. I’ve already been making significant changes to my life since working at this level. I love how simple principles and a focus on the right vibes can open a window to new levels of logical thinking too.

The four bases in Bases Loaded are the key vibes to use for creating balance and harmony in any and all areas of life. Instead of trying to juggle items based on scheduling alone – which doesn’t actually create balance – this approach relies on aligning each area of life as well as each goal, project, and task with vibes that naturally create harmony and balance.

Consider the vibes you’ve used to make many of the decisions in your life already and how those decisions are still impacting you today. What vibes led you to choose your current work, business path, or school, for instance? What vibes did you follow into your current relationship situation? Did you make various choices based on worry, anxiety, pressure, concern, ambition, security, neediness, clinginess, love, connection, oneness, peace, contribution, or something else?

There’s no escaping vibrational decisions. You naturally make such decisions all the time, every single day. Whenever you decide what to wear or what to eat, you’re making vibrational choices. Do you make those decisions harmoniously and with a similar set of vibes each time? Most likely not.

Do you know what the very best harmonizing vibes are? They are Courage, Love, Trust, and Joy. You really just need those four because they’re very robust and very cooperative with each other. To fully align with any one of them is really to invite all four into your life. The Bases Loaded experience guides you deeply through all four, focusing on one core vibe per day. Then we go through examples and stories of how to apply them. And there’s lots of sharing from people who were on the live calls each day. Hearing from others and witnessing their shifts is a big part of the overall experience. It invites you to start making similar shifts in your decision-making too. Get your decisions aligned with the most harmonious vibrational roots. Stabilize your decision-making vibes, and you’ll stabilize your decisions and their unfolding ripples. As you see when you apply these ideas, it’s lovely to experience the ripples of decisions rooted in Courage, Love, Trust, and Joy.

Look at the items on your to-do list for today, and ask yourself: What vibes led to each item appearing on my list? You’ll probably notice that your to-dos aren’t all very well-aligned with these harmonizing vibes. Some items may be on your list due to feelings of anxiety or pressure. Others may have gotten onto your list because they seem creative. And still others may have a tedious “I should do this” feeling to them. Notice how these different vibes impact your productivity and flow. You can also review bigger projects or goals if you’d like. Remember that every decision is a vibrational one. Do this simple check right now and see what you notice.

One reason people struggle with consistency is that they make decisions from different vibrational roots. Then as their vibes shifts, they’re constantly remaking or unmaking those same decisions. That gets messy very quickly.

Your vibes control your state of mind, and your state of mind controls what kinds of thoughts you’ll access. Different vibes lead to different thoughts, including different logic running through your mind. Any logic depends on priorities. Logic alone cannot set priorities. Priorities are set for vibrational (or emotional) reasons. You have to care about something to make it a priority, and there’s no logical mandate to care about anything, not even your survival. So every priority you set in life is really a vibrational decision. If your vibes shift often and then you try to make decisions with different vibes, you’ll surely experience inconsistency. You’ll have a hard time sticking to your past choices. Your life will become chaotically unbalanced and disharmonious.

You may think that too much chaos or stagnation is dragging down your vibes. But the real issue is that you’re not aligning with the vibes you want when making decisions. To create harmonious results, it’s necessary to keep synching with harmonious vibes. I make this super easy for you by giving you the best vibes to sync to in order to create balance and harmony (right here in this post).

There’s a way to make strong choices and have them stick – no waffling afterwards. That’s a vibrational alignment approach, and Bases Loaded is a powerful invitation to practice and apply this. Ostensibly it’s about life balance, but truly it’s about so much more. These vibes are universals that you can apply again and again.

Got a work challenge that’s unbalancing your team dynamics? Use these harmonizing vibes to get everyone on the same page. Got a health or relationship issue popping up? Use these harmonizing vibes to clarify the path forward.

I’ve been working in the self-development field for about 20 years now. I haven’t wavered in that commitment. I haven’t wanted to quit. Same goes for committing to Conscious Growth Club, which is now flowing along beautifully in its 8th year together. My relationship with Rachelle is still going strong, now in our 15th year together. I don’t normally struggle with making big decisions and long-term commitments because I learned the importance of synching to intelligence-raising vibes when making such decisions. I know that if my vibes are inconsistent, I can never really trust my decisions, and I can be sure that my future self will eventually think differently. But I can also know that these four harmonizing vibes will always matter to me. I can trust them because they’re timeless, and synching to timeless vibes is the real key to consistency. You can’t get consistency from what’s temporary and unstable.

Bases Loaded is my ultimate expression of how to make such commitments. If you can’t commit yourself to a certain direction and stick with it year after year, you can’t really benefit from the delights of such long-term investments. You’ll constantly swirl around at ground level instead of really getting somewhere. You’ll often feel like you’re starting from scratch yet again.

The truth is that you can have the best of both worlds here. I love being a beginner too and exploring in new directions. I always want to keep learning and growing. But I also love having some forever projects and directions where I feel solidly committed. It’s so gratifying to be able to really invest long-term and accumulate all the benefits of past lessons. These harmonizing vibes don’t just stabilize and enhance my long-term commitments – they also show me which new directions are truly strong matches for me. When I work with these vibes, I often feel that I’m being lovingly guided by a much greater intelligence. It’s like I’m harmonizing with universal wisdom that’s always broadcasting. I just have to keep tuning in to it.

I’ve priced Bases Loaded ridiculously low on purpose. I want it to be accessible to lots and lots of people. Now that it’s over, it really does feel like a beautiful diamond – a baseball diamond even – to add to this ever-growing body of work. I know I’ll always have fond memories of the experience. The weekend afterwards I was all aglow from so much immersion in these vibes, and Rachelle and I enjoyed a lovely date together on Saturday.

Bases Loaded is very much a vibrational experience for you as you go through it. There’s a reason I did it live on video instead of just writing up a series of text posts. It’s important to hear it and feel it. You’ll notice that my energy is very high and lively throughout. I did my very best to embody and demonstrate the vibes as we went. I didn’t just want to talk about them. I wanted you to see and sense what it feels like when you invite more Courage, Love, Trust, and Joy into your everyday life. Feeling joyful, vibrant, and enthusiastic each day is normal for me, but the flip side is that it’s crucial to keep leaning in directions that require Courage and Trust to maintain this. There is no sustainable Joy or Love without Courage and Trust. Have you figured that out yet?

People so often overlook the harmonizing power of Trust, for instance. They try to be happy without it, thinking maybe it’s not essential, and that approach fails again and again. Do you have high-Trust relationships with the people you engage with each day? Do you keep seeking to build stronger Trust with those people? Do you approach new connections and potential relationships on the basis of deliberately seeking to build Trust? Do you set goals and make decisions based on deepening and strengthening your already powerful Trust in life? Do you keep placing bigger bets in the direction of Trust? We cover Trust in great depth on Day 4 of Bases Loaded, and you’ll see how powerfully and intelligently it connects with Courage, Love, and Joy as well.

Self-Trust is very powerful too. Do you trust yourself to make wise choices? Do you trust in your ability to keep learning and growing? Do you trust that investing in your self-development really pays off over time? I obviously do. Trusting in this direction rescued me from a lot of problems I encountered (and created) when I was younger. Continuing to build stronger Trust in myself, in my intuition, in life, and in the people I connect with daily is delightful. It takes time to get used to it, especially if you need to release low-Trust vibes, people, and situations, but then it feels so natural. High-Trust relationships and communities are very accessible if we make Trust-aligned decisions.

Bases Loaded is a very aspirational experience too. It will likely invite you to reach well beyond your current circumstances. As I shared during the Day 1 call, these harmonizing vibes are demanding. As you invite them in, they will push out whatever doesn’t align with them. A shedding process is inevitably part of the re-alignment process. That takes Courage. It takes Courage just to sign up and press play because you don’t know how working with these vibes will affect you till you’re in the midst of them.

What I can say is that you can trust these vibes. They’re challenging indeed, but they’re on your side 100%. If this invitation is showing up in your life now, that’s surely for good reason. It means you’re ready to start shifting away from struggle, stuckness, or stagnation and into a whole new experience of growth. But it won’t be the same kind of growth experience you’ve had before. This vibes are here to invite you into an uplifting phase of fresh new growth.

When you’re ready.

6 ‘Invisible’ Household Tasks That Drain Mums’ Time And Energy

Posted on 26/05/2024 by Boris Clair

Keeping a household running smoothly takes a lot of effort. There are the more obvious physical tasks like cooking meals, taking out the rubbish, folding laundry and picking the kids up from school. But it also requires a whole bunch of behind-the-scenes planning, organising, anticipating of needs, decision-making and delegating known as the mental load — an invisible kind of work.

In heterosexual relationships, most of these invisible tasks tend to fall on the mom’s shoulders, even when both partners work outside of the home. Men today may be taking on more hands-on domestic responsibilities than they have in the past, but women are still usually carrying the bulk of the mental load.

“Women aren’t just doing more labor, the labor they’re doing is mentally and emotionally taxing: anticipating and planning for how to meet the family’s needs,” Laura Danger, an educator who facilitates workshops on domestic labor, previously told HuffPost.

“When you consider, in cis-het couples, who is usually keeping the social calendar, signing kids up for summer camps and ensuring the grocery list is planned and prepared? It’s often defaulted to mom. Doctors, teachers and coaches often dial mom first. Even the vet usually calls mom before dad!”

Managing kids' clothes, for example, is a much bigger task than it might seem. — Managing kids’ clothes, for example, is a much bigger task than it might seem.

These invisible tasks often take up way more time and energy than meets the eye. One example? Registering a child for kindergarten, which artist Mary Catherine Starr, the woman behind @momlife_comics on Instagram, just did recently for her son.

“What went into this registration was so much invisible labor,” she told HuffPost. “Keeping an eye out for when registration opened, going online to fill out all of the forms — which includes locating all sorts of paperwork and medical history— calling the registration office when a technical issue comes up on the website, booking a registration appointment to turn in the rest of the paperwork, scheduling a ‘kindergarten screening’ for the child, taking the child to said screening, texting normal child care provider about child being late to child care on registration day, and rearranging work schedule to accommodate kindergarten screening.”

“All of this takes three to five hours out of an already busy schedule, and if they’re not a part of it, their partner has no idea what went into this,” she continued. “It’s something you simply can’t understand unless you’ve lived it.”

We asked moms which invisible tasks on their plate are more taxing than they might appear. Here’s what they told us:

1. Staying on top of kids’ clothes

Lina Forrestal, a content creator and host of The New Mamas Podcast, said keeping her fast-growing baby and toddler’s wardrobes up-to-date with items that fit is a “huge challenge.”

“Everything from pants, shirts, socks and shoes,” she told HuffPost. “Then, there’s the load of having to purchase new things, and put away, donate or sell the old stuff that doesn’t fit anymore. It’s the biggest invisible time suck.”

Not only that, you also need to make sure the clothes are seasonally appropriate — i.e., ensuring you have the right-size bathing suits for summertime, and sweaters and pants that fit for the cooler months.

2. Meal planning

Caitlin Murray, the creator behind @BigTimeAdulting on Instagram, said that while there are a million items on her invisible labor to-do list, the most all-consuming one is figuring out what her family is going to eat every day. And that doesn’t just mean coming up with meal ideas, it also means finding balanced, nutritious and tasty options that all three of her kids will enjoy.

“I happen to love food, and I also care very much about the level of variety and nutrition my kids are getting. I’m not super strict ― we have plenty of treats ― but I am constantly struggling to think of new ways to get them to eat all the good stuff, too,” she told HuffPost.

“It’s also important to note that, if kids are not enjoying their food, meal time is going to be hell. I’m personally triggered when there are complaints and dissatisfaction with a meal, which is why it’s never as easy as just grocery shopping and cooking,” she added.

For comic artist Debbie Tung, it’s also taking time to carefully meal plan and create a grocery list so that she’s only buying items she knows they’ll use to avoid wasting food.

“Sometimes I prepare meals in advance if I know I’ll be very busy on a specific day,” she added. “I try to make sure my kid’s diet includes adequate fruits and vegetables daily.”

3. Keeping track of what household items are needed

This one may not seem like a monumental task on its face, but constantly staying on top of which things need to be replaced or replenished — like diapers, toiletries, cleaning supplies, snacks and pet food, just to name a few — requires a fair amount of mental work.

“Why is it usually Mom that knows what products or food items the family is running out of at any given time?” Renee Reina Grenon, host of “The Mom Room” podcast, told HuffPost. “Because, they are the ones packing lunches, making meals, packing the diaper bag, changing diapers, doing bath time, signing the permission slips for field trips, doing the laundry, doing groceries, etc. The list is never-ending.”

4. Managing school schedules, needs and communication

These tasks are just a fraction of the mental load that comes with motherhood.

For Starr, these school-related tasks entail “so much more than meets the eye.”

One example: reading all of the school emails and papers that get sent home and then taking action on anything that requires a response.

“For some of these items, that means checking my schedule to see if I can take time off of work to volunteer in a classroom or at a school event, or marking the schedule because it’s a half day or there’s a field trip or something we need to plan around,” Starr said.

“For other items that get sent home, it means making sure a child does the work associated with the handout, for example, reviewing spelling words each night or filling out a reading log that needs to be returned every Friday,” she added.

Other tasks include, but are not limited to, signing up for after-school activities, helping with school fundraisers, getting doctor’s notes for excused absences, and responding to questions or notes from teachers.

And don’t forget keeping track of special themed days or spirit weeks “ensuring that these days are on the calendar and remembered and planned for,” said Starr. “‘Is my tie-dyed shirt clean? Today is tie-dye day!’”

5. Making and keeping track of appointments

In writer and content creator CJ Kelsey’s house, she’s the one typically tasked with the scheduling and managing of appointments, she said.

“My husband will gladly take them, but I’m in charge of not only making my kids’ doctor appointments but now my parents’ as well,” she told HuffPost. “And it takes a lot of time to make the calls and a headache to keep them all organised.”

Not to mention other associated tasks like filling out the forms that may need to be completed prior to the appointment, and making sure the front desk has your up-to-date address and insurance information.

6. Attending birthday parties

Planning a birthday party for your kid can be a lot of work, but it’s a once-a-year event. However, you may be a guest at other kids’ parties a couple of times a month — or more.

“It doesn’t sound like it, but being a guest is a lot of work,” Forrestal said. “From remembering to RSVP, to buying a gift, the mental math of getting to the birthday party location on-time — usually on a weekend with other events going on.”

It’s Time To Stop Taking All Of This Domestic Labor For Granted

We shouldn’t just assume moms are going to be the default parent for virtually every facet of raising a family. Instead, let’s recognise their unseen, unpaid efforts and discuss ways to distribute tasks — especially the mental load — more equitably.

“When I was younger, my mother did so much for us while working a full-time job,” said Tung. “I never realised that or truly appreciated it until I became a mother myself and tried balancing my job, parenting, household chores and staying on top of my kid’s school work. It’s a huge mental load, and I never stop planning and thinking about what needs to be done.”

“I feel like my husband doesn’t share the same mental load,” she added. “But it would be great if more partners could see things from a mother’s perspective, and show more appreciation and willingness to help.”

“Our society loves to say that raising children is the most important job in the world — but it is never treated as such.”

– Renee Reina Grenon, host of “The Mom Room” podcast

Starr said when her husband handles a family management task that she has historically taken care of, he’ll often tell her he’s surprised it took so long to complete.

“He thinks, for some reason, that it doesn’t take as much time for me because I’m more ‘experienced’ or ‘better’ at handling these kinds of tasks, but the fact of the matter is that these tasks just take a lot of time, no matter who you are,” she said.

“And if you are carrying the entire task and all of the accompanying tasks that come along with it, managing a family and household takes a lot of time and energy. And this time and energy should not fall on the mom. It should be divided between the parents,” Starr added.

Reina Grenon said she wishes people valued the unpaid work of motherhood the way they do a paying job.

“Our society loves to say that raising children is the most important job in the world ― but it is never treated as such.”