My Christmas Doesn’t Look Like Your Christmas

With our quirks and personal traditions, no two Christmases are the same. And – at the risk of sounding like a cheesy Christmas ad – that’s what makes the holidays so special.

Ahead of this year’s festivities, we asked readers across the country to share what they’ll be doing come Christmas day.

Some of you are heading to church, others to the pool. Some are looking forward to family time, others will kick back with friends – or cats. And the food? If you’re uninspired by traditional turkey fare, how does cottage pie, chicken Kyiv, or a Zimbabwean feast sound?

However you’re spending the day, have a happy one.

‘I’m a working Santa, Christmas is my day off’

Michael Facherty, who’s 71 and based in Caversham, and has played the role of Father Christmas for nearly 40 years. On December 25th he’ll be having a well-deserved break.

Michael Facherty

“In the run up to Christmas a working Santa has many jobs. Among them is recording videos for clients, this year including a charity pop single, various corporate jobs including parties, and grottos. My favourite this year was being Santa on Hobbs of Henley Santa Cruises. Work with individual families includes Zoom calls and home visits.

“I often have a charity visit on Christmas Day but not this year, so I’ll have a lie in. The day starts with some presents and then I have my special Christmas lunch. My wife and son are vegans, but Matt makes me cottage pie with steak mince as a special treat. I’ll watch the Richard Attenborough version of Miracle on 34th Street at some point during the day. Boxing Day is my favourite day, because our grandchildren visit us.”

‘My British friends are now family.’

Nishtha Goel, the founder of sustainable brand Unnaaty, is 32 and based in London. She’ll be spending her fourth Christmas in the UK with friends, who she calls her “chosen family”.

Nishtha Goel

“I am from India and have been living in the UK since 2018. I don’t have any family here, but have found a friend who is my chosen family and since 2019 it is has become a tradition that I spend Christmas at her place, with a few other friends. What could have been a lonely day is not, because my British friends are now family.

“I am a vegetarian so, while my friends enjoy turkey, they are thoughtful enough to cook a separate vegetarian meal for me, which includes vegetarian stuffing, peas, carrots, Brussel sprouts, to name a few things. I enjoy every bit of the traditional Christmas dinner, it is such a beautiful way of bringing families together.

“My favourite part of the day is late evening, when we play silly board/card games and just have a relaxed time with each other, full of smiles and laughter.”

‘It is my favourite park run of the year.’

Robin Barwick, aged 50, is the event director Royal Tunbridge Wells parkrun. On Christmas day he’ll be helping 200-300 runners start the day in high spirits.

Robin Barwick

“I will be run director at RTW parkrun this Christmas morning, for what has become one of our best attended fixtures. It is my favourite parkrun of the year.
Between 200 and 300 runners and walkers are likely to show up for our 9am start, along with around 35 volunteers.

“Christmas morning parkruns have a special atmosphere. Many come in
festive fancy dress, with anything from reindeer headbands, elf costumes, the full Father Christmas outfit or maybe a Christmas tree disguise.

“Runners can take the 5k run competitively if they want to but on Christmas Day most people treat it as an opportunity to get some fresh air and exercise with friends and family without worrying about their finish time. It is a very social occasion and as our cafe in Dunorlan Park will be closed many will bring their own refreshments to enjoy after their run. They are not always alcohol-free.”

‘I’ll sleep the whole way through Christmas day’

Marlene Bayuga, 59, lives in Morden, Surrey and works as a Marie Curie healthcare assistant in the community covering Southwest London and sometimes Kent.

Healthcare assistant Marlene Bayuga.

Marie Curie

Healthcare assistant Marlene Bayuga.

“This Christmas I will be working throughout the night from 10pm until 7am. On Christmas day I will sleep during the daytime, and I will go for Christmas supper at my brother’s house, where we have roast turkey with all the trimmings. Then I will leave at 9pm to go to work and I will bring a mince pie and some Christmas pudding with me!

“When I arrive to my patients’ house I greet them with Christmas greetings and reassure their family that their loved one will be cared for, monitored, and supported during the night so that they can have a restful sleep. It can reassure them to know that someone is there with their loved one, so they won’t be alone overnight.

“I work during Christmas because someone in the community will always need my care at the end of their life, and because everyone deserves to have a good end of life experiences, both patients and their families. My family completely support and understand this. I know I’m there to give light during what can be a really difficult time for them.”

‘We go to church to celebrate Jesus’ birthday’

Nicole Bateman, 34 from Bournemouth, is a mum of two, author and owner of A Box Full of Joy. She’ll be celebrating Christmas by attending church and spending time with her family.

Nicole Bateman

“We start the day with the kids coming into our bed to open their stockings, then we have gammon and eggs with orange juice for breakfast and then open our presents under the Christmas tree.

“We then go to our church to celebrate Jesus’ birthday and then head over to grandparents for Christmas lunch, then a walk after that.

“I have a daughter who is three and a son who is six, and my son has epilepsy. He was diagnosed in July 2020 and has yet to find a medication to control his seizures. Last Christmas, he had five seizures over the four-day period, so by keeping to familiar things (like waking up at our house and going to our church like we do on a normal Sunday) it keeps some routine and stability to the day, which hopefully limits seizures.

“Christmas time can sometimes cause sensory overload and seizures for our boy, so we have to get the balance between too exciting (excitement is one of his seizure triggers) but then still making it a fun day.”

‘I’m solo cat-sitting – and I can’t wait’

Charlotte Lingard, who’s 34 and based in Kent, is looking forward to spending Christmas with some feline friends.

Charlotte Lingard and two of the cats she's looked after this year.

Charlotte Lingard

Charlotte Lingard and two of the cats she’s looked after this year.

“I will be cat-sitting a cat called Lola in Blackheath over Christmas for a couple who are abroad for the Christmas holidays.

“I plan to spend my day eating all the festive party foods I enjoy, cuddling Lola and making sure she is spoiled; also exploring Blackheath and Greenwich, as it is not an area of London I am familiar with, but I have heard a lot of nice things about it.

“I have been doing cat-sitting on and off for nearly a year now. It started when my flat did not allow pets, and I was missing feline company whilst working remotely. I use two websites to find and apply for cat sits, I have had five star reviews so far.

“I am completely happy in my own company, so I am looking forward to it!”

‘I swim then cook the kids’ favourite: Chicken Kyiv’

Sue Bordley, who’s 51 and from the Wirral, writes swimming-related books and will be heading the pool for her daily dip on Christmas morning.

Sue Bordley

“On Christmas Day, I’ll get up at about 7.15 am and have a quick coffee before heading to the pool, which opens at 8am that day. It’s always nice to have a chat to Julie, Paula and Harry, my fellow die-hard swimmers who are there every morning.

“I’ll swim for an hour. Swimming got me over a breakdown six years ago. It’s my release, my lifeline – why on earth would I not want to have that on the day that’s supposed to be the best of the year?

“After my hour’s swim and a lovely relaxation boost in the hot tubs, I go home to spend the day with my husband Mark (48) and sons, Jack and Olly (15 and 12).

“While the boys play their new computer games, I prepare a (reasonably) traditional Christmas meal: I make the usual roast potatoes and vegetables, but we don’t have turkey, choosing roast pork instead and the boys are allowed to have their favourite Chicken Kyiv. At Christmas, everyone should have what they like – and it’s only one more dish to wash.”

‘I’m setting my own solo Christmas traditions’

Patience M. Chigodora, a 30-year-old spiritual life coach from Nottingham, is using Christmas to have some me-time.

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“This year I’m doing things differently. My Christmas isn’t about being with family and friends; it’s about me. I actually want to rest, recover and feel replenished in the New Year which honestly last year I didn’t after spending a lot of my time travelling around the UK to be with family and friends.

“I am planning a few days filled with candle-lit baths, PJs, feasting on all my favourite Zimbabwean and English infused dishes paired with my fave red wine of course. Binging on my favourite Christmas movies and series (like How to Ruin Christmas series on Netflix), I might pop to the cinema to watch the new Avatar movie, go on walks and I’m allowing freedom for spontaneity and going with the flow.

“It’s really important to me this year that I celebrate Christmas how I want to – not how I am expected to. I will be seeing family and friends here and there, focusing on quality time rather than quantity, but 80% of the period, including New Year, will be spent basking within my inner-verse.”

‘We Zoom our families and celebrate online’

Viva O’Flynn, who’s 40 and based in Gloucester, enjoys spending a cosy Christmas at home with her husband, John. They’ll spend the afternoon on Zoom, celebrating with family abroad.

Viva O’Flynn and her husband, John.

Viva O’Flynn

Viva O’Flynn and her husband, John.

“Christmas Day starts with me waking up next to my husband, John. He cooks brunch for us, eggs florentine or eggs Benedict with salmon. Then, we head to our Christmas tree to open presents. I open each gift with a kiss, a ‘thank you’ and ‘I love you’. He does the same.

“It’s just the two of us celebrating Christmas in person, because his family are in Ireland, mine are in the Philippines. We log into Zoom and say our Christmas greetings to them, and we play some games with them online. Some of my cousins even sing Christmas tunes.

“There is nothing like being with family to celebrate in person: hugging them, kissing them on the cheek, holding their hands, eating meals with them. But it is the pandemic and flu season, and flights back home are doubly expensive. We’ll wait until after the holidays to reunite with them in person. The next best thing is seeing them, hearing their voices, and celebrating Christmas with them virtually.”

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8 Things Therapists Do To Handle Stress Over Christmas

There’s no doubt that the festive season can be a stressful time, amid all the travel plans, family visits and present shopping.

These activities often involve an array of demands that take a toll on your mental health, such as cleaning, cooking and spending. So it’s totally OK to experience stress or anxiety among the festivities; even mental health professionals – who may seem like they have it all together – aren’t immune to these feelings.

HuffPost asked therapists for insight on how they feel joy and cheer amid the stress of the season. Here are their personal tips for decompressing and relaxing:

They set aside time for themselves

The festive season can be a busy time, especially if you are surrounded by friends and family. It’s normal to feel stressed and anxious about meeting up with people or hanging with relatives.

“I always make sure I set aside some time for myself to relax during the holidays and focus on my wellness needs,” says Michael Klinkner, a licensed clinical social worker in Arizona.

They scribble a few thoughts in a journal

Minerva Guerrero, a therapist who founded Mind Matters Mental Health Counseling in New York, says she often takes a journaling break to intentionally ground herself.

“I like to journal to get clear on what I’m hoping the holidays bring me and how I feel during this time,” she says. “This self-care activity really helps me destress and relax during the holiday season.”

They listen to music

Music therapy can evoke feelings of calmness and relaxation.

“I often create soothing and hype-me-up playlists, which help me move through my feelings,” says Naiylah Warren, a therapist and clinical content manager with mental health platform Real.

They focus on holiday events that give them joy

During one of the busiest times of the year, it’s important to set boundaries to take care of your mental health and wellbeing.

“I generally check in with myself in regards to what traditions or gatherings feel stressful to me and which ones bring me joy,” says Kama Hurley, a clinical counsellor and life coach in Idaho. “I prioritise what I love to do and say no to the things that make me feel anxious.”

Even therapists need some coping strategies to get through the holidays.

LordHenriVoton via Getty Images

Even therapists need some coping strategies to get through the holidays.

They make a self-care list

Hurley says she writes a self-care list when she’s anxious or stressed, as it gives her agency and lifts her mood.

“I write down activities that help me relax and make me feel good about myself that I can accomplish when feeling the intense emotions,” she says.

Having a go-to list that you can reference and change will help you identify which activities are sources of joy.

Madeline Lucas, another therapist and clinical content manager at Real, shared some self-care activities that help her feel less isolated in her holiday stress: taking long showers with music, applying sheet face masks, going on walks and stretching.

They sit in stillness for a few minutes

The art of meditation can be powerful in achieving a sense of calm and balance.

“I practise meditation exercises for a few minutes whenever I feel stressed,” says Regine Muradian, a clinical psychologist in California. When you feel that stress starting to creep up on you, take a moment to inhale deeply and focus on your breathing.

They plan ahead

Israa Nasir, a therapist who founded the mental wellness brand Well.Guide, said she plans ahead for the festive season, which helps her destress. “I make sure to take care of any client and associated work-related obligations fully when I take time off during the holidays,” she says.

Planning a schedule before you get too busy may feel comforting as it offers a sense of routine, with many decisions already made in advance.

They talk to their therapist

Many mental health professionals get help from therapists of their own to manage stress. If you feel that stress is inhibiting your ability to get through the day, consider connecting with a mental health professional now.

“If I anticipate a lot of stress prior to the holiday season, I’ll schedule a few extra sessions with my own therapist before they go on their holiday break to help process the feelings I’m having,” Nasir says.

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‘I Want To Move To New Zealand, But My Husband Wants To Stay’

You’re reading Love Stuck, where trained therapists answer your dating, sex and relationship dilemmas. You can submit a question here.

In a relationship, you won’t always share the same desires as your partner. Your partner might want to go on holiday for two weeks whilst you’d prefer if the holiday was for seven days. Perhaps you want to have three children but your partner wants to have one.

Or you want to move to another country, but your partner doesn’t think this is the best idea. This is the issue for this week’s reader. Harriet.

“I’m a 73-year old woman and want to move to New Zealand where my daughter and granddaughter live. My husband of 30 plus years wants to stay. Do I go or do I stay?” she asks.

Should she make the move to New Zealand without her partner? Or should she stay in the UK?

Counselling Directory member Kirsty Taylor suggests that Harriet considers the pros and cons of moving her life across the world without her husband. “It might be useful to actually make a list of all the reasons to go, and all the reasons to stay,” she adds.

What would you say to this reader?

“There can be strong emotional reactions when someone you love dearly is moving far away, and it’s a very normal response to consider if life would be better being nearer to those you love the most,” Taylor says.

“However, there is a long marriage and partnership to consider here too. I would like the reader to reflect on her marriage and how much it means to her, to have a good honest period of reflection on what she wants her future to look like and who she most wants to be in it.”

Counselling Directory member Paula Coles thinks it’s understandable that Harriet would want to live closer to her grandchildren. However she says “it’s important that lots of thought should be out in to huge decisions such as this, partly because it affects many individuals in both the nuclear and extended family systems.”

Coles is also curious about Harriet’s current life. “Is she perhaps feeling a lack of purpose that she hopes the daughter and granddaughter can give her?

“How might she also find purpose in her current life through friends and activities, which for many have been dreadfully affected by the pandemic and the strain that has put on many people in the last few years.”

How can she weigh up if she should move away?

Taylor thinks Harriet could benefit from a little bit of space and time to really consider this decision. “It might be useful for her to write a list of all the pros of moving to New Zealand and then all the cons of this decision.

“I think the reader could map out her future by writing it down. She could spend some time imagining what she wants from the rest of her life – will living near her daughter without her husband give her enough joy to sustain a life away from her husband? What does her daughter imagine this life to look like?”

It could put a strain on the relationship if Harriet relies on her daughter for all of her social needs.

“Has there been some conversation about the practicalities of this decision if she goes ahead with it, in terms of finance, where to live, healthcare, leaving friends, potentially living alone?” Taylor asks.

“Ultimately, the gut is our guide to decision making. The reader needs to be clear about what her gut is telling her. Regardless if the decision might cause some pain and difficulty, her gut might already have the answer.”

How can she deal with this issue with her partner?

Ultimately, Harriet needs to have a long discussion with her partner. “She could try and find out his reasons for not wanting to go, and see if there is a way to come to a mutual agreement or to manage his fears and worries about a move and find a way to make a plan together,” Taylor says.

Taylor believes that she should have an honest and truthful conversation with her husband about why she is considering to move. “There may be a bigger issue in the relationship that needs some gentle navigation.”

Her desire to move could also be a sign of deeper unhappiness or frustration. “People often look at their lives at certain points and want to make some changes,” Taylor adds.

“There may be a way of finding a middle ground – half a year in NZ, half a year in the UK. Ultimately, this issue needs some careful and considered navigation to come to an outcome that makes sense for the reader’s future happiness.”

Love Stuck is for those who’ve hit a romantic wall, whether you’re single or have been coupled up for decades. With the help of trained sex and relationship therapists, HuffPost UK will help answer your dilemmas. Submit a question here.

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How It Feels To Grieve A Loved One During A Time Of National Mourning

The death of the Queen has been felt by millions of people around the world – but for those grieving their own private losses during this time, it’s bringing up a lot of complicated emotions.

For Anne-Marie Brownlee, 40, from Coventry, reliving the major moments in the Queen’s life these past few days has left her drawing parallels with the loss of her late husband, who died suddenly and unexpectedly on November 1, 2021.

Brownlee was waking up to celebrate their daughter’s second birthday when she discovered her husband John had passed away, right next to her in bed. It later transpired he’d died from an incredibly rare, underlying lung condition.

Recently, she’s been overwhelmed by a renewed sense of loss in the run up to John’s birthday. And now the Queen’s death has left her experiencing those waves of grief all over again.

“When something like this happens – and it’s such a widespread loss – you can’t help but be brought back to the reality of your situation,” she says.

John and Anne-Marie Brownlee

Anne-Marie Brownlee

John and Anne-Marie Brownlee

Brownlee experienced the Queen as a quiet constant in her life, from watching her yearly speech on Christmas Day to celebrating the big Jubilee jamborees.

But so was John, who she met when she was just 15. “Throughout all of my adult life he’s been by my side, so there’s a direct comparison in that sense – all those big moments he’s been with me, like the Queen has,” she explains.

“Realising that she died and losing her has just brought back to the surface those feelings of loss and that renewed remembrance of all the things that we’ll miss in the future. All those upcoming big milestones that he’ll never be part of, like she’ll never be part of – and having to accept that all over again.”

While she’s avoided most of the news coverage surrounding the Queen’s death – probably subconsciously so as not to get too upset, she notes – she did catch a documentary about Queen Elizabeth’s life one evening this week.

“When I was watching it, I did find myself tearing up through many of the parts, purely because it’s a loss, and then because I guess it’s going back in her life: seeing her get married and having children. It’s all things that happened in my life that I can relate to and then feel that sadness and the loss,” she says.

The 40-year-old, who works in internal communications, is no stranger to the strangeness of private grief during a period of nationwide mourning.

Her late partner lost his best friend in a freak motorcycle accident not long after 9/11, and she lost her own father the year that Diana, Princess of Wales, died.

The moment she found out Diana had died is etched on her brain because of the strong feelings already overwhelming her that day.

“We’d gone on a family holiday down to Devon. It was the first time going away without my dad,” she recalls.

“The day we were due to come home was the day Princess Diana died. I remember being in the car with my mum and I remember the radio stations were constantly full of the news, playing sad music. It was raining outside for the whole journey, and me and my mum were sobbing the whole way.”

Like recent days, it brought up all those old feelings of loss once more – particularly as her dad loved the monarchy, and was a big fan of Princess Diana. “It was just the darkest and most miserable day,” she says.

Poppie Brownlee (Anne-Marie's sister), Gerry Brownlee (her father) and Anne-Marie Brownlee.

Anne-Marie Brownlee

Poppie Brownlee (Anne-Marie’s sister), Gerry Brownlee (her father) and Anne-Marie Brownlee.

Headhunter James Coull, who is 40 and based in Northampton, has also found the past few weeks difficult, as he was preparing for the one-year anniversary of his wife’s death on September 14.

“Leading up to that, it’s been a whole month, really, of feeling anxious,” he says.

“The first everything is always new to you, you never know what to expect, and I suppose you look at a situation like the Queen – she’s 96. My wife was 32 and healthy…”

Coull’s wife Kathryn died suddenly and unexpectedly at home, while pregnant. James woke up to find out that not only had he lost the love of his life, but also their unborn daughter Florence Rose, at 32 weeks.

Recalling the moment, he tells HuffPost UK: “It wasn’t planned, I wasn’t expecting anything, it wasn’t like she had a terminal illness and you’ve got time to cope with it. It was just waking up and finding somebody dead in bed.”

He’s found the past few days particularly difficult, navigating his own feelings of intense grief, while seeing people around him mourning the loss of the Queen.

“It’s very different when you’re mourning for somebody you’ve never met before, somebody who’s more of a ‘figure’. Somebody who you’re well aware of who they are but you haven’t got any emotional, strong ties to that person,” he says.

“People make comments in the office or everyday life about being really sad that Queen Elizabeth has died, but they don’t know that person. It hits home a lot harder, doesn’t it, when it’s someone who’s so close to you: somebody that you’ve committed to spending the rest of your life with, somebody that you’ve made a joint decision to bring someone into the world with.

“I suppose you can’t really compare that to somebody who’s in the public eye. I think you pretty much accept that once family members or friends get into their 70s and 80s, you know it’s inevitable they’re going to pass one day.

“And I suppose you always prepare for it. But you never imagine you’re going to bury somebody younger than you.”

Kathryn and James Coull

James Coull

Kathryn and James Coull

The news of the Queen’s death on September 8 was followed by an immediate outpouring of grief online, with many heartfelt memes suggesting she had been reunited with her late husband Prince Philip.

But Coull has really struggled with this as he questions his own thoughts and feelings around the afterlife.

“I understand why people do it – it’s a good feeling, it’s giving people hope that there is life after death, but you just don’t know do you?” he says. “Some people believe in that side of things, the spiritual side of things, and some people don’t.”

For others, like Brownlee, the idea of the Queen and Prince Philip together again has brought hope – and a sense of peace. She is comforted by the idea that sometime in the future she could also be reunited with John.

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve during this time – and everyone will experience loss in their own way. Vicky Anning, communications manager for charity Widowed and Young (WAY), says the Queen’s death has prompted “a whole range of emotions” among its members.

“Some people have found the chance to mourn along with the nation incredibly cathartic,” she explains, “while others have found the media coverage very triggering – reminding them of their own personal losses and bringing up difficult reminders of the early days of their own bereavement.”

Lauren Vivash, 36, from Essex, discovered her husband Robert had a brain tumour in 2019 – she was pregnant with their daughter at the time.

Robert had been having seizures which were attributed to a Grade II tumour. Despite surgery, it progressed quicker than expected and he died in June this year.

Rob and Lauren Vivash, and their baby daughter

Lauren Vivash

Rob and Lauren Vivash, and their baby daughter

The Queen’s death occurred just shy of 100 days after Robert’s death, yet Vivash found the process of grieving alongside the rest of the nation as “cathartic”, saying she no longer felt alone in her sadness.

“To begin with I found it really upsetting,” she recalls of hearing the news. “For that first night, I was crying the whole time. It just really hit me. I was like: this is a bit strange. I wasn’t brought up to be a big royalist or anything.”

But she admired the Queen, she says, adding “she was the most famous widow in the world”.

She recalls how her late husband had been very invested in the royal family and they’d watched lots of the coverage together when Prince Philip died. This left her feeling closer to the royals, too.

Vivash remembers seeing footage of the Queen sitting alone at her husband’s funeral and, knowing her own partner was ill, found some strength in that. “Obviously I hoped that he wouldn’t die but it gave me a sense of like: well, she’s shown how you can carry on after losing your husband,” she says.

Discovering the Queen had died, she says, “it’s almost like it gave me permission to grieve”.

There’s this expectation, she says, that after a funeral of a partner, friend or family member, you’re expected to move on. “People think grieving is linear and that it’s horrible that they die, but you get better and better. But it’s not the case at all,” she says.

At the moment that feels different. “I think because everyone is grieving, it just gives you that permission to be upset again and maybe gives people more of an idea. It’s not the same as losing your husband when he’s only 38, but it gives them an idea that it’s painful to lose someone.

“I think that’s why I found it cathartic.”

Rob and Lauren Vivash

Lauren Vivash

Rob and Lauren Vivash

Despite dealing with her own raw feelings, Vivash will still be tuning in to watch the Queen’s funeral on September 19 – not only to witness history on her husband’s behalf, but also to support the royal family in their grief.

Sadly, some funerals originally set to happen on the same day are being postponed, after the last-minute Bank Holiday was announced.

In some cases this has been at the family’s request, while others have had to reschedule because the cemetery or crematorium operator has chosen to close – for Jewish and Muslim families, this has been a particular worry, given funerals should be carried out within 24 hours of an individual’s death.

And with wall-to-wall coverage of the royal funeral, Monday will undoubtedly be a difficult time for those experiencing their own recent loss.

Coull encourages anyone impacted to reach out to others who know what you’re going through – via support services and bereavement support charities – as talking can really help.

“The first month I felt like I was in a parallel world. I felt it was a dream I couldn’t wake up from. You don’t sleep, you don’t eat, you don’t function as a human being, you almost shut your brain down so you don’t think about things,” he recalls of the time shortly after Kathryn’s death.

“I don’t like to use the cliché that time is a healer, but it is. Things do get easier. You learn to live with things, you learn how to cope with things, you learn how to go back to your everyday life.

“The feelings are still there, maybe slightly suppressed, but you know that every day you spend being sad and grieving is a day gone. And you don’t know when your time is up.

“You have to find the inner strength to move forwards.”

Help and support:

  • Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
  • Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
  • CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
  • The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
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‘I Have Lost A Grandmother’: Prince William Pays Personal Tribute To Queen

Prince William has issued a deeply personal statement about the late Queen Elizabeth II, saying just how much she meant to him and his family.

The new Prince of Wales, now first heir to the throne, said: “On Thursday, the world lost an extraordinary leader, whose commitment to the country, the Realms and the Commonwealth was absolute.

“So much will be said in the days ahead about the meaning of her historic reign. I, however, have lost a grandmother.”

On Friday, King Charles III confirmed that his first son would inherit his title of Prince of Wales, while his wife Catherine would now be Princess of Wales, a title not held since Princess Diana died in 1997.

“I have had the benefit of the Queen’s wisdom and reassurance into my fifth decade,” William said of his grandmother in his statement on Saturday.

“My wife has had twenty years of her guidance and support. My three children have got to spend holidays with her and create memories that will last their whole lives.”

In what could be seen as a references to his wedding to Kate and, possibly, to his mother’s death, he added: “She was by my side at my happiest moment. And she was by my side during the saddest days of my life.”

On Saturday morning, the Prince of Wales, together with Camilla, Queen Consort, was witness to the formal proclamation of his father as King Charles III.

The Prince said that while he grieves the Queen’s loss, he also feels “incredibly grateful”.

“I thank her for the kindness she showed my family and me,” he said. “And I thank her on behalf of my generation for providing an example of service and dignity in public life that was from a different age, but always relevant to us all.”

Echoing the words of his father, he said: “I knew this day would come, but it will be some time before the reality of life without Grannie will truly feel real.”

And as King Charles III did in his first televised statement to the nation on Friday, the Prince also spoke of love.

“My grandmother famously said that grief was the price we pay for love,” he said.

“All of the sadness we will feel in the coming weeks will be testament to the love we felt for our extraordinary Queen. I will honour her memory by supporting my father, The King, in every way I can.”

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This Scottish Athlete’s Commonwealth Win Has Us Tearing Up For The Best Reason

It’s time to forget about the bleak news cycle for a moment and celebrate this athlete’s incredible race.

Not only did Scottish runner Eilish McColgan win the 10,000m at the Commonwealth Games on Wednesday night with a home crowd and make a new record championship time of 30:48:60, her success has sparked a great sense of nostalgia.

Eilish, 31, just won exactly the same Commonwealth Championship race her mum, Liz Nuttall, won 32 years ago, proving it really does run in the family.

Eilish (left) and her mother Liz McColgan winning their respective races
Eilish (left) and her mother Liz McColgan winning their respective races

The athlete, who has struggled with injuries in the past, was not in the lead until the final lap around the track when she suddenly overtook Kenyan rival Irine Cheptai in the home straight.

Unsurprisingly, Eilish sprinted over to her mum in the crowds when she realised she had won the race, and they shared a tender moment.

The following morning, Eilish told BBC Breakfast: “It was just an incredible experience, being in that stadium…the noise over the last 200m honestly just dragged me to that finish line.

“It was just an incredible evening and even more special to have my mum in the crowd, my dad, my partner Michael – it feels surreal to have won that so many years after my mum. I can’t put it into words.”

She said her mum simply told her “you’ve done it” when they had a celebratory hug at the end of the race.

Eilish also said she was “really nervous” before she hit the track, but that she couldn’t believe it when she not only won, but made a record time.

“I’ve actually only seen it once because a journalist sort of forced me to watch it when I was little, but it was never something that… I grew up with my mum allowing me to make my own decisions, my mum never pushed me into athletics and I never saw her medals.

“I was never forced to watch her races or anything like that, I made my own decision to come into this sport and I think that’s why I love it so much, I’m very passionate about it.”

“I don’t think it’s quite sunk in that I’ve literally replicated exactly what she’s done. It’s just very surreal right now.”

Eilish’s mother Liz also told BBC Radio’s Good Morning Scotland of her immense pride for her daughter, whom she still coaches.

Liz won two 10,000m Commonwealth gold medals in 1986 in Edinburgh and again in 1990 Auckland. She also became a world champion in 1991 and an Olympic silver medal in 1988.

She said: “As an athlete myself, you have fond memories of having success and whatever but when it’s your own children it’s like 100 times better.

’It’s just one of those really special moments and I was just thankful I was actually in the stadium and able to experience how the home support helped lift her to that gold medal.”

She also claimed that without the Birmingham crowd, “the last 150m would never have happened” for her daughter.

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Empowered, Indifferent, Old: This Is How Men Feel About Turning 40

“Am I where I expected to be at 40?”

This is probably not a question Prince William is asking himself as enters his fifth decade. But the Duke of Cambridge’s birthday has got us thinking about milestone ages, and why some of us place so much significance on certain numbers.

For women, approaching ‘The Big Four O’ often means discussions of fertility and the biological clock intensify (whether or not you want children and even though a woman doesn’t suddenly wake up on her birthday unable to conceive).

But what’s at the forefront of men’s minds as they approach this age? We asked a bunch of guys aged 39 and over to find out.

‘I get a lot of stick for being single still’

“I’m almost 40, single, with no permanent long-term job. I still love travelling and exploring and totally lack any sort of plan. But I’m kind of okay with that.

“At 40, you’re expected to have job security, a demonstration of some sort of career progression, where you’ve ended up with a bigger salary, a nicer suit and a nicer house.

“I get a lot of stick for being single still. All my friends are in marriages or second marriages in some cases, people say: ‘you’re not going to get sorted are you?’ Every now and then, you do question your life choices. There are always going to be periods in a 12 month calendar where you’re going to have a couple of phases of self-doubt, where you might question the way you’ve done things. You might feel a bit sorry for yourself and have a bit of a pity party. But on the whole I’m quite content with where things are – I’ve seen a lot of the world, I’ve met a lot of great people. I’ve been very, very fortunate in that sense.” – Stephen Boyd, 39, Lincolnshire

‘I was fine with turning 40, but turning 41 hit me hard’

Peter McKerry

“Turning 40 didn’t phase me, but when I turned 41 I began to obsess over the fact that my life was in a type of descent towards the inevitable end, and that my best experiences were behind me. I was also worried that if I had a child I’d have a limited amount of time to be in their life. My dad was 53 when I was born and I was teased about it at school, so I didn’t want to be an ‘old dad’.

“As it turned out I was 43 when my daughter was born so I beat him by 10 years! Now my life is all about watching her grow and develop (she’ll be three in August) and it has given me joy but also anxiety. I’m trying to live in the moment now because I don’t want to have more regrets than I already do, and I want my daughter to have the happiest and most secure childhood I can give her. So now I don’t obsess as much over my age or my past as I have a real focus on ensuring Flora is happy and loved.” – Peter McKerry, 45, Westcliff-on-Sea

‘Men get more of a free pass’

Andy Dewar

“I turn 44 this week and love it. I think 30 was more of hurdle for me psychologically, as it was the age where I felt you needed to knuckle down to some responsibilities and achievements personally and professionally, as well as resenting the fact I was no longer young and carefree. So by your 40s, you can enjoy all the new challenges and opportunities that come your way.

“There’s far more pressure on women at all ages but particularly 40s to have a great career and be a mum, I think. As far as media and peer pressure goes, men get more of a free pass. I’m lucky in the sense family and friends have never had any great competition between us to do well, some days are a grind, some days are easy. If you set yourself targets you lose sight of what’s important, which in my case is just trying to enjoy whatever it is I’m doing.” –Andy Dewar, 44, Hamilton, Scotland

‘I haven’t altered anything’

Michael Charles Grant

“I felt perfectly fine [approaching 40], with no pre-conceived thoughts of 40 being an issue and prohibiting me from what I can do physically and mentally. I look younger than my age so perhaps that played a fact in my mindset.

Has anything about being 40 surprised me? No not at all, why should it? I haven’t altered anything about my lifestyle to encompass my age or felt as if I had needed to.” – Michael Charles Grant, 40, Hertfordshire

‘Turning 40 made me re-evaluate my health and fitness’

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″40… oh, that sounds old. Well, that was the thinking I had when I was in my mid 30s and heading towards 40. Society slots you into a category when your age starts with a four. I had just had my twin boys Alex and Lewis a few months before and dealing with them was really taxing on the mind and body. It was then also that I decided that ‘Dad Bod’ wasn’t something I liked and that I needed to do something about it. General fitness levels were poor and I found myself struggling with day to day tasks in dealing with two newborns. So I said to myself ‘Paul, you’re now 40, you’ve got the twins to think about, you don’t want two young boisterous boys growing up with a dad that can’t keep up… time to get into shape.’ It was a ‘If I don’t do this now, I never will’, moment.

“I’m in better shape now that I was in my 20s and 30s. Confident in how I look, with loads of energy for playing with the twins. My change in physique also motivated my wife to get back to the gym too, plus it has brought us closer with shared interest in fitness and just being better for our sons. Also, more body confident = more intimacy too.” – Paul McCaw, 46, Belfast Northern Ireland

‘Every decade has got better for me.’

Stu McKinlay

“Every decade has got better for me so – despite the birthday itself not feeling like a big deal – I was really excited that my 40s would continue that trend.

“My 30s were where I started to put into action the stuff that I had discovered in my 20s. I left my really great job in the public service (which I totally loved) to start my own business in brewing. My wife and I started the business, had three kids, and then moved our business and family from New Zealand to UK. It was busy beyond belief, but we were both doing things we loved. Coming up for seven years into my 40s and despite the clusterfucks of Brexit and Covid, I’m having the time of my life!

“While there’s immense privilege in being a man – and that’s something far too few men understand – I think there’s a lot of pressure on men to achieve certain things by certain ages. I’m constantly aware of how, at certain stage in my life, I feel like I’ve still not grown up. And I wonder if my parents felt the same. I do remember my dad telling me that he didn’t actually feel safe and comfortable in his life until he was in his 50s. I totally get that. I guess a part of it is kids growing up and releasing that weight of expectation around looking after them.” – Stu McKinlay, 46, London

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We Love Pride, And So Do Our Kids

You’re never too young to go to Pride.

Don’t believe us? Ask mum-of-one Kate Everall, who’s taken her son since he was born, or mum-of-three Amie Jones, whose made wearing the family’s Pride-themed babygrow a rite of passage among her horde.

The fastest way to teach kids #LoveIsLove is by celebrating it in all forms from day one. Add in some rainbow flags, glitter and fun and they won’t question it one jot.

As writer Victoria Richards put it, explaining LGBTQ+ relationships to kids is actually very simple: “Try it: ‘Some men love men, some women love women and some people love both (or neither).’ Ta da.”

Pride is the perfect time to normalise queer love, to show kids that they don’t have to play “mums and dads” in the playground, and that they’ll be loved at home always, whoever they turn out to be. For LGBTQ+ parents, it’s also an opportunity for kids to see more families like their own.

We spoke to five families who enjoy Pride about what it means to them and their little ones.

‘Pride is a time to celebrate our queer family’

Kelly Allen with her wife, Zoey, and children George (12) and Molly (11).
Kelly Allen with her wife, Zoey, and children George (12) and Molly (11).

“We take our children to Pride because we feel it’s integral to their future, and the future of other human beings, to be surrounded by a diverse community. We also feel Pride is a time to celebrate our queer family in a safe and fun way. It’s essential they are able to grow knowing they can be their true selves, and Pride is a time for us to really celebrate our diversity, amongst a community that accepts us for who we are.

“It’s become even more essential since Zoey came out as transgender, as the world can feel very bleak at times for the trans community. However, Pride gives us a chance to feel fully accepted and loved as the LGBTQ+ family we are.” – Kelly Allen, 40, who runs ourtransitionallife.com with her wife, Zoey

‘A great way to teach our boys what it means to be an ally.’

Amie Jones' two sons Dylan and Huw in the family Pride romper.

Amie Jones

Amie Jones’ two sons Dylan and Huw in the family Pride romper.

“We have taken our three boys to our local Pride event in Chester since they were very young – and we even have a Pride inspired outfit for them to wear. The photos show my oldest son Dylan (now seven years) and my youngest son Huw (now two years) in the same Pride romper! Unfortunately, I don’t have any photos of us actually at Pride, as we are always having too much fun!

“As founder of Kind Kids Book Club – the UK’s first children’s book club with a focus on nurturing social conscience and sharing inclusive stories – Pride is an important celebration for our family and a great way to teach our boys what it means to be an ally. They always love the day – the atmosphere is brilliant, everyone is so friendly and there’s so much to see and do!” – Amie Jones, 37, Bagillt, North Wales

‘There’s no one way to be a family.’

Caprice Fox with her wife, Holly and three-year-old daughter, Honey

Caprice Fox

Caprice Fox with her wife, Holly and three-year-old daughter, Honey

“We celebrate Pride month by attending our local Pride event and decorating at home. Pre-Covid we attended Pride as a family and they had Drag Queen Story Time, a children’s dance stage and a soft play area. We have diverse books out all year round, not just for one month, however we make a conscious effort to read these and encourage preschool to do the same!

“It is so importance for Honey to celebrate Pride and our family so that she realises just how diverse every family can be! There’s no one way to be a family and each one can look different, but it’s about showing that each one has something in common: love!” Caprice Fox, 32 from Bristol

‘I want him to grow up enriched.’

“Pride is incredibly important to us as a family, which is why when our son came along we would continue our tradition of attending Brighton Pride.

“For us, Pride means ‘community’. It’s a time we feel less isolated and othered;. It also gives us an opportunity to meet up with other LGBTQ families – and making friends along the way, so that our son doesn’t feel as isolated as we were when growing up.

“Our son is currently seven, and we’ve been attending Pride events and celebrations since he was born. For us, it’s important that he sees himself seen and represented in society, not to mention witnesses what other families look like. I want him to grow up enriched; knowing that there’s no one way to be a family and that your family is often more than just blood.” – Kate Everall, Brighton, founder of Lesbemums

‘She would ask me when pride was happening again’

Vicky Warren's daughter, Matilda, loves attending Pride.
Vicky Warren’s daughter, Matilda, loves attending Pride.

“I have taken my daughter to Pride In London, Canterbury Pride and Amsterdam Pride. All of these events are different and I wanted to show her how different people celebrate Pride.

“To me, Pride means supporting people with their life choices, I grew up in a time when it was taboo (I am 49). It was frowned upon and I remember that it was always a scandal when an actor or singer announced they were gay. People that were transitioning into the opposite sex were laughed at and ridiculed. I did not want any of my kids to grow up without understanding and supporting people’s choices.

“Matilda was about six years old when I first went to Pride in London. We went by accident, but then she would ask me when Pride was happening again. Then in 2019 we decided to fly out to Amsterdam early one morning and attend Amsterdam Pride. Instead of the parade going through the streets, it was all on the canals in the city. It was awesome, a complete game-changer for Pride.

“When she was little she loved the vibrance of pride, she loved meeting different people who dressed up for Pride. As she got older, she learned the history of Pride, she wanted to support everyone more. She has held a sign up before offering hugs to members of the LGBTQ community and I am so proud of her.” – Vicky Warren, 49, Kent, who runs the blog Miss Tilly And Me

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How Soon Is Too Soon To Become Attached To Your New Partner’s Children?

For parents dating again, figuring out when to introduce a new partner to your kids is a tricky calculus: How many months should you wait? Does the relationship feel stable and safe enough to take that step? Is your child emotionally ready to meet someone new since you split from your co-parent? What will your ex say?

The stress doesn’t end there; once the introductions have been made, you need to check in with your kids to make sure it’s all not too much, too fast, and that they’re comfortable around your new partner.

This common post-divorce dilemma has played out on a very public stage in recent months, since reality star Kim Kardashian has started dating Saturday Night Livekim comedian Pete Davidson.

Things seem to be going swimmingly for the new couple, but Kardashian’s ex, Kanye West, has expressed concern about Davidson’s relationship with his kids. (At one point West even dramatically wrote, “NO YOU WILL NEVER MEET MY CHILDREN” on an Instagram post.)

Still, photos taken recently show that Davidson has met the couple’s kids. And earlier this month, another photo popped up showing what appears to be a new tattoo for the comedian: The ink reads KNSCP, letters many fans believe stand for Kardashian’s four children with West: North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm.

If the tattoo is real – and Davidson does have a history of getting tattoos for the women in his life, including a branding in dedication to Kardashian – it’s a showy display of commitment on his part.

Family therapists we spoke to wondered just how committed a person could be after roughly six months of dating.

“The tattoo seems more like evidence of his impulsivity rather than his genuine attachment to his girlfriend’s kids, which he could not possibly have in any substantive way after only six months,” says Virginia Gilbert, a Los Angeles-based therapist specialising in high-conflict divorce.

“I think six months is too soon to meet her kids, especially with an in-process messy divorce and Kanye being so opposed to the meeting, but everything Kim does is in the public eye, it would have been hard to keep Pete a secret, so the question is probably moot,” she added.

Kurt Smith, a family therapist in Roseville, California, who mostly works with men, says that the desire to connect deeper with your significant other by showing interest in their kids is understandable.

Ultimately, though, new partners need to recognise that it’s a delicate dance ― one that usually requires a healthy distance.

“Pete should be asking himself why that was so important for him to do at this stage of the relationship,” he says.

Since this co-parenting quandary is top of mind for many right now, we decided to ask family therapists and other experts on blended families to share the advice they’d give to parents newly dating again like Kardashian. Here’s what they say.

First off, when should introductions be made?

For divorced parents, when to introduce and involve a new partner in children’s lives is a complex question, with no “one size fits all” answer.

For some people, six months is enough; for others, a slower approach might be necessary, says Dawn O. Braithwaite, a professor of communication studies at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

Braithwaite has spent her career studying how families interact to create, navigate and change relationships, routines and traditions, especially in stepfamilies and chosen families.

According to her, parents need to consider the following six things before making introductions:

  • What they believe will be the future of their new relationship

  • The age of the children

  • How long it’s been since the separation or divorce

  • How well children have adjusted to changes in their family situation

  • The relationship with the co-parent

  • The interest the new partner has in meeting the kids

“While there are exceptions, most scholars have found that new partners can play a positive role in children’s lives, but that they should go slow and act as a friend for children rather than overstepping and acting in ways that are confusing or inappropriate for children,” the professor says.

“While there are exceptions, most scholars have found that new partners can play a positive role in children’s lives, but that they should go slow and act as a friend for children," said Dawn O. Braithwaite, a professor at University of Nebraska-Lincoln who studies stepfamilies.

Johnny Greig via Getty Images

“While there are exceptions, most scholars have found that new partners can play a positive role in children’s lives, but that they should go slow and act as a friend for children,” said Dawn O. Braithwaite, a professor at University of Nebraska-Lincoln who studies stepfamilies.

Meetups should be casual at first

To avoid coming on too strong or overstepping boundaries, keep those early getting-to-know-you meetups as casual as possible: Arrange a park date or meet up for a Marvel movie and pizza.

“The onus needs to be on the new partner to meet the kids where they are ― meaning you need to participate in the kinds of things they like to do,” Gilbert says. “I would also suggest postponing adult sleepovers until the kids become comfortable with the new partner.”

Remember that your relationship is not with your partner’s kids — it’s with your partner only

If you’re the parent, reinforce that you’re not a package deal – not yet, anyway.

“Maintaining this boundary is important for both partners, the health of the new relationship, and, most importantly, for the kids’ health,” Smith says.

Move too quickly and you could quickly incur the annoyance of the kids ― and the potential ire of the other parent.

“I’ve counselled divorcing parents where his new girlfriend posted pics on social media of his kids at a birthday party like they were her own and believe me, it did not go over well with the other parent,” Smith says.

“It’s hard enough bringing in new partners and blending families, so avoiding anything that could cause tension or conflict should be avoided,” he explained.

Be comfortable being an outsider for a while.

Kids in situations like this are usually grappling with competing, confusing concerns, says Amy Begel, a family therapist in private practice in New York City and author of the blog Most Human: “Will they betray their father if they have a relationship with this new guy? Will they betray their mother if they are loyal to their father and want to protect his feelings?”

That’s why it’s important to take a backseat for a bit if you’re the new partner. It may feel like a blow to the ego to be treated as marginal, or worse, an intruder, but patience during this process is crucial, Begel says.

As Jenna Korf, a stepmom and founder of StepmomHelp.com, previously told HuffPost, you’re an outsider joining an already-formed family – even if your partner and their kids eventually move into your home.

“A lot of this is unintentional, but kids automatically go to their parent,” she says. “You might be sitting right next to your partner and they won’t address you, often leaving you out of the conversation.”

If you’re the new partner, take the approach of a new friend or neighbour, not an automatic stepparent.

New partners should try to befriend the kids, but move at a pace determined by the kids, says Ron Deal, the founder of SmartStepfamilies.com and author of a number of popular books on blended families.

“In my book with Dr. Gary Chapman, Building Love Together in Blended Families, I tell stepparents it’s like making friends with a new neighbour,” Deal says. “You don’t just push your way into their house and tell them you’re their new BFF. That makes enemies.”

Instead, the stepdad and author advised, you knock and wait patiently on the doorstep.

“You may even have to talk to them through the door for a while until you find a few things you have in common. Only when they open it can you begin to connect face to face,” Deal says. “Slowly, over time, a friendship is made that stands on its own terms.”

Meeting for the first time? Keep it casual. Think: The new Marvel movie on Disney+ and pizza at home where you get a chance to talk and get to know each other.

mixetto via Getty Images

Meeting for the first time? Keep it casual. Think: The new Marvel movie on Disney+ and pizza at home where you get a chance to talk and get to know each other.

Avoid “erase and replace” messages if you’re the new partner

According to Deal, exaggerated gestures like Davidson’s tattoos send the wrong message to kids. The goal for new partners is to come across as additive rather than substitutive. The kids should feel like they’re potentially adding to the family, not getting a substitute dad or mum.

“Pete’s tattoo may sound romantic – that’s the kind of thing people do to win the affections of their dating partner – but to the children it declares, ‘You’re mine.’” Deal says. “Someone might say, but isn’t that great as well? Not necessarily to a child. In their world, it may seem like Pete is trying to ‘erase and replace’ their father.”

A child’s loyalty lies, understandably, with their biological parent, not the new stepparent. A message like that threatens their relationship with their father “may partially explain Kanye’s strong reaction and only escalates the battle between the parents,” Deal tells HuffPost.

“Here’s my rule of thumb: a new partner who tries to erase and replace a biological parent is, in fact, going to be erased and replaced themselves,” he says.

"As a general rule, it takes at least two years before a new partner can assume a traditional parenting role," said Virginia Gilbert, an LA-based therapist specializing in high-conflict divorce.

FatCamera via Getty Images

“As a general rule, it takes at least two years before a new partner can assume a traditional parenting role,” said Virginia Gilbert, an LA-based therapist specializing in high-conflict divorce.

Most kids with newly divorced parents are dealing with abandonment issues; don’t add to them

It’s awful for a child to get attached to a new partner who then disappears from their lives. If your partner is coming on too strong with the kids, Gilbert says to acknowledge that this is a tough transition for everyone and tell them you really appreciate their efforts.

Then, shift the conversation: Try to encourage them to see things from the kids’ perspective: Among other things, your kids may be feeling extra loyal to your ex or they may be experiencing grief that their parents are no longer together. They may not want to share you with a new person and they may not want someone to have control over changes in their lives.

“Your new partner needs to understand how overwhelming your relationship might feel to the kids and that their ambivalence is not about them,” Gilbert says. “If the issue is creating conflict between you and your new partner, consider seeing a therapist who can help you both make child-centred decisions.”

The big takeaway here, though, is to take things slow: “As a general rule, it takes at least two years before a new partner can assume any sort of traditional parenting role,” Gilbert says.

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These Photos Show The Unique Bonds Between Black Mothers And Their Sons

I’ve always found it endearing the way men pay homage to the mothers and matriarchs in their lives. We love songs like Tupac’s Dear Mama” and Bill Withers’ “Grandma’s Hands.” We witness the robust relationship between Kanye West and his late mother, Donda, who was undoubtedly his biggest fan, in the documentary Jeen-Yuhs: A Kanye Trilogy. We heard the gut-wrenching cries of George Floyd calling out for his mother moments before his death in 2020.

Black motherhood has often been centered in the analysis of the Black family — and for Black men, the maternal connection is vital, political and liberating. These affirmations are dedicated to women whose labor and love are far-reaching and priceless. The vocal appreciation is always welcomed, especially when the work of mothers has often been overlooked.

“My mother is a force of nature. If she wants to get something done, it’s getting done. I think that’s been pretty evident in the course of her journey,” said Sulaiman Rashid, a 20-year-old college student in Washington, DC, whose mother raised four kids. “My siblings and I have different career paths, but we are all grounded in the desire to create change, and that stems from my mom’s passion to help and to serve others and to aid in the betterment of the world.”

I wanted to explore the relationships between sons and their mothers. In this series of portraits, I photographed families and asked the sons to share some perspectives of the role their mothers had in their lives. From guidance on love, career and education to artistic inspiration and global travel, we see an expansive view of the strong bonds between Black sons and their mothers.

Diane Redfern

Sons: Christopher and Charles Tarpley

Laylah Amatullah Barrayn

My mother, commonly known as Lady D, is a resilient and confident mother. She has a jazzy personality and is a strong woman of faith. She raised my brother and I to become the gentlemen we are today. – Charles

My mother’s favourite saying is “I’m gonna tell you what God loves … the truth.” This is what I admire about my mother the most, her love of God. She has such a strong will to never give up no matter how tough things may be raising twins. – Chris

Tamara Redfern

Sons: Yaseen Ellison and Mujahid Ellison

Laylah Amatullah Barrayn

My mother has always been a source of light in my life. Across time and space – from my earliest memories in the US to years later and continents away – this has rung true. The continuum of joy and love surrounding my mother could not be summarised by a discrete moment. How would I describe my mother, who first showed me the magic and vibrancy of life? Who taught me firm confidence in my ability to grow, adapt, achieve and inspire?

I realise I don’t have to isolate any single experience to highlight who she is when everyone who encounters her is liberated by her grace and kindness, and when all spaces she walks through are automatically elevated by her presence. It is no wonder Allah says heaven lies at the feet of the mothers. I love you, Mom. – Yaseen

When I think of my mother, my thoughts often associate her with the moon. Her radiant, smiling face is akin to the light of the moon on a clear night sky. Her sound judgment and listening ear have served as a therapy to the many problems I’ve come to her with over the years. Her belief and willingness to lend a helping hand to me, unwavering, in times when I felt all was lost. Time after time, failure after failure, my mother has always been by my side. The best person to have around when sharing good news, as her pure, bona fide joy for you can be experienced by anyone who has interacted with her. The funny thing is my mother has taught me virtually everything I need to survive and thrive on my own, but hates it when I’m not around. There’s no better feeling than being capable of being alone but still having someone who never wants you to be alone. She’s my light and my guidance; my mother is my moon. I love you, Mom. – Mujahid

Aisha Hassan

Son: Bilal Hassan

Laylah Amatullah Barrayn

Ummi is very special to me; she means the world to me. She is my friend, travel buddy and confidant. I love being around her. She raised me into the young man that I am today. She is generous, caring, loving and not afraid to speak her mind. She was literally my first teacher. I was homeschooled from kindergarten to sixth grade by her and my father, who has since passed away. Back then, we didn’t have all of the home-schooling resources that exist today. Now, homeschooling is this big thing with programmes that you can do online. She created an amazing curriculum for us. She was extremely resourceful in making sure that we had an optimal learning experience. We did so much with very little. We had so much fun on our extended learning library trips. She is a genius. I could never repay her for how much she has poured into me. – Bilal

Jamilah Rashid

Son: Sulaiman Rashid

Laylah Amatullah Barrayn

My mother is a force of nature. If she wants to get something done, it’s getting done. I think that’s been pretty evident in the course of her journey. My siblings and I have different career paths, but we are all grounded in the desire to create change, and that stems from my mom’s passion to help and to serve others and to aid in the betterment of the world. I love her because she gave that to me. I can’t describe all the ways and reasons why I love her. As I grow into a man, I hope that my need for her doesn’t wane or fade. When I was younger, I needed her to read me bedtime stories, and what I need from her now is guidance in selecting a companion and partner. She did a really great job, and I’d be very blessed to find someone like her. I’m grateful to her every single day for who she is as a mother, wife and a person. – Sulaiman

Adama Delphine Fawundu

Sons: Amal Buford, Kofi Buford and Che Buford (not pictured)

Laylah Amatullah Barrayn

My mom set the standard and laid the foundation. She’s always been so driven and always accomplishes what she sets her mind to. There are so many roles that a mother can fulfil: a provider, a protector, a friend, an inspiration. She does it all. Some of my most fond memories are of us getting up really early and riding the subway to school. Even though it was the crowded subway, it felt like just us; it was so warm. We would have some of the best conversations. We would talk about anything and everything. We would read together; we would do math problems together. I love thinking about those times. It makes me nostalgic. You don’t realise how important that is, and I don’t ever want to take that for granted. It’s never been a question as to whether my brothers and I were her priority. She would drop us off and then have to go work her own job. It’s a job within a job. I’m older and I live on my own; I’m independent, but my mother is still my biggest inspiration. – Amal

My mother introduced me to so much. The knowledge and experiences that she imparted on me shattered the limitations that would otherwise be present in my life. It’s the reason why my creativity flourishes. We’ve traveled together. She took me to Sierra Leone, New Orleans, Phoenix, so many places. When we travel, we have fun, but we also learn about the land, the monuments, the historical connections. Our travels showed me the beauty of different cultures and that there are many ways of living. I love my mother. She always supported me. – Kofi

Karen D. Taylor

Sons: Chenzira Taylor Lewis and Siyaka Taylor Lewis

Laylah Amatullah Barrayn

I have always been enamoured by my mother’s unadulterated focus and ability to create as an artist. It’s always helped me to see her not only as a mum, but also as an artist and creative in her own right. And it’s been inspiring to see her flourish throughout my life in her different creative identities. She always encouraged my autonomy and inquisitiveness and aided my creative spirit. Her determination demonstrated that my dreams and creative endeavours are attainable. ― Chenzira

I see my mother as a community pillar, a preservationist of Blackness and Black culture and Black excellence. She is a preserver of the relic, an educator, a nurturer, a policer of integrity. I love the uniqueness of who she is, her quirks, her silliness, her strength and intelligence. She is very New York to the core; she is an intellectual, a scholar with the grit of the jazz nightlife scene. Most definitely a music snob, jazz and blues head, creatively impulsive, loving, laid back and full of big laughs. At the core, she is serene. She is literally the perfect yin and yang of creativity and strong love. – Siyaka

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