Listen to the Screams

By being vegan for as long as I have (and vegetarian a few years before that), about 5000 fewer animals were harmed and killed by my lifestyle.

But since I blogged about this aspect of my lifestyle (including writing my longest article ever, called How to Be Vegan), I’ve since influenced hundreds (if not thousands) more people to try vegetarianism or veganism for months or years or to adopt such a lifestyle permanently. So the combined impact of going vegan and publicly sharing what I learned is likely beyond 1,000,000 animals by now. That’s based mainly on feedback people have shared with me over the years.

And then since many of those people I influenced have also influenced others in similar ways, some of them very actively, the total ripples are probably somewhere in the millions of animals… and still going.

Maybe this impact is a drop in the bucket relative to the 50 billion animals killed for food each year, but one drop can still create ripples. And of course we could identify more ripples such as the resource savings like water and electricity, the reduction in emissions, etc.

When we create a change for personal reasons, we often don’t see how far the ripples of personal change will extend beyond ourselves.

And similarly, when we don’t change ourselves, we don’t get to see the positive ripples that could have come into existence, if only we’d taken a few more steps.

What’s most personally meaningful to me about this aspect of my lifestyle, however, is the internal shift it created within me and some other ripples created by that shift.

What many people don’t realize is that if I hadn’t gone vegan more than 2 decades ago, I wouldn’t have started my personal development blog 15 years ago. I wouldn’t have written articles in an effort to be helpful. I wouldn’t have cared enough to do something like that. Doing this kind of work takes way more heart energy than I used to have. The voice of caring just wasn’t loud enough or strong enough to motivate this much action or this long of a commitment.

My sense of caring about people is inextricably linked to caring about animals. What may seem counter-intuitive though is that I also care more about non-vegans than I used to. You might think that the opposite would be true. Wouldn’t going vegan make me feel more disconnected from non-vegans? After all, such people hurt animals, which I care about.

As a vegan I feel more emotional pain than I use to. But I also feel more love and connection than I used to. They come as a package deal.

When someone hurts animals, for food or otherwise, I feel the pain of that. It stings my heart. When I’m at my best, I don’t try to numb myself to such feelings. I allow them to have their say. I see those feelings as important. They remind me that I care. I remember what it was like not to care about such things and to feel no sting at all, and I have no desire to return to such an existence. I like having stronger feelings of caring and connection, and I accept that a heightened sensitivity to violence is part of that.

Caring is difficult but also beautiful. Truth be told, seeing ripples that reduce the number of animals harmed and killed doesn’t do much for me motivationally. Maybe it’s nice karmically, but I feel the most alignment juice from the heightened sense of caring.

Going vegan many years ago seems to have created some kind of permanent shift in my vibe that I can’t undo – and wouldn’t want to undo. One of the scariest things to me in life would be to return to a state of emotional numbness and to forget what it feels like to care a lot.

Even though it can be hard, I like being sensitive to the pain of other beings. I like that I can sense the vibes of suffering, like a radio transmission that never turns off. Those signals are so much louder and clearer than they once were. There is a lot of suffering in the world, and a lot more of it is coming from animals than humans. As much as we can point to human suffering, we’d need to hurt and kill 7x the planet’s human population every year just to match what animals are going through. And we’d have to achieve that population through a massive increase in rape to match the forced reproduction those animals endure.

If you’re sensitive to vibes, turn your heart towards human suffering and listen for a while. Then turn your heart towards animal suffering, and notice how that signal sounds. When I do this, I certainly feel some sorrow on the human side. The animal side is overwhelmingly sad though; I can’t listen to it for more than 30 seconds without crying.

It may sound odd to label this sensitivity as beautiful, but somehow it just seems accurate. Because of our ears, we may be disturbed by unpleasant noise now and then, but isn’t it worth the price if it means we can hear beautiful music and communicate with each other?

So many of my articles were written from a desire to be helpful, often because I picked up a signal of human sadness, struggle, stuckness, or confusion – or even curiosity or wonder. Somehow those signals are just so loud and clear most of the time. All I have to do is listen, and the writing and speaking takes care of itself. When the heart is aligned, the brain does what it’s supposed to do.

So many issues that I struggled with in the past just seemed to resolve themselves when I listened more with my heart instead of always trying to plan, strategize, and force things with my head. The voice of caring provides such a beautiful form of guidance. So much clarity flows from the simplicity of caring.

When I think back to my pre-vegan days, it feels like a time of darkness. I just had no idea how emotionally numb I was back then… and how vibrationally unaware and insensitive I was. I couldn’t even fathom what more was eventually going to be possible. What I now label as numbness or darkness, back then I would have simply called feeling normal or neutral. I had no idea how quiet my “normal” world was back then.

Today what I consider normal is to feel an abundance of vibrational and emotional signals. These signals are always flowing, circulating, and broadcasting. People want help. Animals want even more help.

One of the strongest human signals I hear these days is a desire to feel connected. I sense so much loneliness, aloneness, and disconnection. Many people have become so numb and desensitized, yet they still yearn for something more – something they can’t even define. Some part of them wants to be embraced by love, connection, healing, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, and acknowledgement. Even though the world is more connected than ever tech-wise, today’s outlets are letting people down on the emotional side. It’s ironic that the more connected we become, the less connected many people feel.

I think part of the solution is to listen more to pain… not just your own pain but the pain signals that are constantly being broadcast. Pain signals are usually louder than pleasure, joy, and delight. Happiness purrs while pain screams.

If you want to hear the loudest pain signals on earth, go within, tune into your heart, and then listen with your heart to the signals being broadcast by animals right now. Listen to the 23 billion chickens on the planet right now… or the 1 billion cows… or the 780 million pigs. Listen to the ones that are slated for your consumption if you feel entitled to some of their bodies. Can you hear what they’re broadcasting? What do you sense when you tune in and just listen for a while?

Sensitivity to pain is also sensitivity to so much more – love, beauty, inspiration, creativity, fun, and so many other frequencies that make this life precious and worthwhile.

It’s easy to find conscious people with a variety of dietary lifestyles, vegan or non-vegan alike. But where I tend to see mostly agreement is in terms of how animals are currently being treated by humans. It’s hard to find people who consciously agree with our current practices.

If you consciously choose to continue participating in the treatment of animals as products, I suggest that you stay tuned into their pain. If you’re going to continue opting in, I think it’s wiser and more beneficial to you to feel the hurt and the pain as opposed to numbing yourself. Feel the ripples you’re supporting. Invite and accept the future pain of the thousands of animals who have yet to be hurt and killed from your actions. Feel the ongoing rapes and forced pregnancies to spawn these animals. Don’t run from this reality. Don’t tune out from it. Don’t try to pretend that this pain isn’t real. These are loud signals. Listen to them and tune in.

Listen whenever you purchase animal products. Listen while you cook. Listen with every bite. Let these signals have their say. Let them speak to you honestly and directly. Hear the screams again and again and again.

And each day, choose consciously what you’ll eat and how you’ll live.

I know… it takes courage to do this. It’s a growth experience, regardless of where you land afterwards.

If you can listen to the screams each time and still maintain your current lifestyle, then great – you’re aligned. If you can listen to the screams and feel compelled to change your lifestyle, also great… you can create the alignment you desire. But if you can only maintain your lifestyle by tuning out or trying to numb yourself to the reality and the ripples, that’s a glaring misalignment to address, wouldn’t you say? If you’re going to participate in the flow of hurting, raping, and killing animals, then do so consciously. Don’t go dark or numb just because you dislike the screams. If you’re okay with contributing to ripples of suffering, them the screams should serve as a palatable sauce that makes your meals richer and more meaningful. This can be your way of honoring the thousands of animals who sacrifice their lives for you. Don’t discount or diminish their pain. Appreciate what they’ve done for you because of the high price they repeatedly pay to appear on your plate.

If you’re going to contribute to the screams, then appreciate the screams. If an animal had to give its life or its milk or eggs to please your palate, don’t you think those animals deserve some appreciation at the very the least? When you tune into the screams, beam back your best vibrational thank you.

If you consciously choose to prey on the weak, appreciate the weakness that empowers you to do so. Consciously own the part of you that feels aligned with thoroughly dominating other living beings.

If you can do that, you need never be fearful of vegans. You can stand firm and simply own what you’ve decided is right for you. You ought to be able to make statements such as these:

  • I feel aligned with dominating weaker beings and placing their lives in service to me.
  • I feel aligned with the efficient breeding, feeding, and killing of animals for my benefit.
  • I feel aligned with contributing to the pain of animals.
  • The pain that animals endure enhances the appreciation of my meals.

If such statements feel misaligned to you and you can’t see yourself embracing such an attitude, you’ve got some realignment work to do. And of course if you can embrace such attitudes, they’ll create similar ripples throughout your human relationships as well.

In short, if you’re going to cause pain, it’s important to love the pain you’re causing. Consciously acknowledge, accept, and embrace the pain as an honest and authentic part of your lifestyle. That pain is real. That pain happens every day. Stay aligned with the truth.

Generating pain is a normal and routine part of the package of treating animals as products. If you think it’s okay to treat animals as products, then get yourself aligned with contributing to ongoing ripples of pain. And listen to the screams since that’s part of your truth.

If you don’t listen to the screams of the world, you won’t be sensitive to the real depths of joy and connection either.

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More Than 300 Have Now Joined Stature

Stature

So far 304 people have joined the new character sculpting deep dive since the start of the year, which is terrific to see.

You can see the real-time sign-up count at the top of the Stature page if you’re curious… at least during the initial launch. Since today is the last day of the launch discount, I’m sure we’ll see more people joining by the end of the day.

This is a truly unique, one-of-a-kind course, especially since we’re co-creating it with the people going through the experience right now.

Get the details and sign up here:

Stature: Character Sculpting Deep Dive Experience

Stature consists of several weeks of audio lessons (streamable or downloadable to any device). On average it’s about 15 minutes per lesson, so it’s easy to fit it in. And each day there’s an exercise to do afterwards, usually some form of journaling. The course guides you through the process of re-sculpting your character step by step.

Early Feedback on Stature

Since we opened the doors for Stature, many participants are well into the experience. Some have done 10+ lessons already. The feedback thus far has been very positive.

Here are some quotes from the public Facebook group:

1.5 was a great lesson for me in the present because I am creating my 5 Year Vision. In the past, I felt like my vision was based on what my ego desired and not so much what my higher self, or soul wants to express. Now I can have a different focus in planning the next 5 years!

The voice modality vs. just journaling was actually really cool. I felt like I was addressing my problems from a fresh angle. Of course the injection of humor is great too.

And from a Conscious Growth Club member going through the course (re-shared with permission from our private forum):

I did the first 3 today and I was laughing so much thinking about Festivus! When I talked to myself in the mirror I couldn’t take anything seriously, actually all my grievances seemed petty and lame! Loving it so far! Thanks Steve, Rachelle and CGC! 😄 ❤️

[… then some days later …]

I just completed 7 through 9. What beautiful flow, vulnerability, connection, humor, caring, so touching, I can feel myself expanding 😄 I am resonating particularly with releasing the resistance by shedding the misaligned at all costs. Been getting lots of practice with that lately. Thank you so much Steve, Rachelle and everyone in CGC! This is epic! 😄 ❤️❤️❤️

I also found this comment insightful:

I used to think stretching myself too much was creating imbalance in my life. But now I realize that not stretching myself equals avoidance, suppression, and neglect of my dreams and goals and that’s actually what’s creating a greater and more intolerable imbalance.

Here are some comments about the experience of stretching oneself to take action and join:

Wow, can’t believe I signed in…with my hand hiding my eyes. I’m in and very happy! Hi everyone 😍

All right! I’m joined in to Stature. Feels Terrific.

olá caballeros and caballeras!

I’m full in! Let’s get this party started!

Some people had interesting synchronicities encouraging them to participate as well:

Enjoying Stature – jump in if you’re not already… I’ve had a lot of synchs with numbers lately … comes up as I lean into more inspired actions. I think a very timely deep dive as we open up to a new decade & who we want to be.

Now that you mention it, yes. An unusual alignment of intentions and goals with my partner and reconnecting with your content just before the course became available. Thanks for beckoning us, Steve. 😄

I moved to USA for couple of months with an intention to build my character. And after couple of days of being here I am finding out that you are soon launching the course. Perfect timing!

After taking on the CGC creativity challenge, I started blogging every day and maintaining some healthy daily habits. This was (and still is) very encouraging, but I quickly felt ready to push my personal growth to some deeper work. It was right then that Stature popped up for me! It’s been a really aligned experience going through the lessons so far.

I thought it was serendipitous that I reached out after going through deep abundance feeling like I was missing some key character development and you were just getting ready to publish this course. Could not have been better timing for me and I think I was one of the first five or ten people to sign up.

I had an unusual sync related to the course as well. In the first Stature audio lesson, I mention looking up and seeing 11:11 AM on the clock just as I’m wrapping up the recording, which I found to be a nice little nod from the universe at the time. What I didn’t realize until someone pointed it out was that after editing the recording and splicing in the intro and outro music, my saying the words “eleven eleven” somehow occurs precisely at time index 11:11 in the recording.

That wasn’t planned. I’ve seen a lot of freaky syncs in my life, but this one is definitely up there.

Stature’s lessons have a modern, playful yet compassionate style, often using movie scenes or characters as examples to help you understand the ideas better (which still works even if you haven’t seen the movie):

Pop culture references are the BEST way to teach personal development as it helps people to create ‘shortcuts’ by making patterns easy to understand. Movie characters are great models for character sculpting too.

It makes the concepts easy to understand. In lesson 1.2, the Seinfeld reference really helped when I was doing the ‘Airing of Grivances’.

These truths you share are universal, as are Gandalf, Harry Potter, and Agent Smith. They are the flavor you throw into your work. Everybody’s got it and this is yours!

That’s it! Humor, lightness, and self-acceptance for the process. You’ve got it, Steve. Did you know our brains are wired to learn and change many times faster when something is fun? I’m sure you do. This is great! ❤️

Those impressions at the end of lesson 10 had me dying 👌😂

This also encourages requests for more fun references, such as:

I’d love a Twin Peaks reference 😃… 🕵️‍♂️☕️

I try to pick playful references that are very popular most of the time, so more people will have a chance to connect with them through prior experience. I also explain the scenes, characters, and themes directly for the benefit of those who aren’t familiar with them. It’s good to see that people like the richness and flavor this adds to the lessons, even if they aren’t familiar with some references.

Although I’ve lived here (in the US) almost my entire life I don’t get most of the references directly as I am not well-versed in that space. However I still appreciate them because it does have a light hearted energy to it and sometimes they even make me laugh out loud even though I haven’t seen the movies myself, I have enough context to piece things together

Stature is an intense course at times because we look at some deep, hidden parts of ourselves – especially parts that need healing, acknowledgement, appreciation, and re-integration. In the first lesson, I share that crying now and then as you go through the course is to be expected.

For a few days, I was like “what tears”? …. then 😭😭😭. 😝💜

I’m all-in with cultivating a long-term relationship with the people I serve through our courses, so we can all help each other grow and prosper.

I can also leave some feedback about the course, if needed, but I prefer to give full attention and dedication to follow it properly. For now I’m greatly enjoying the quality of the lessons. In this regard, it really feels like somehow a leap has been made from Submersion, which admittedly I didn’t expect, as it was already pretty darn good.

A friend of mine … asked me if Steve’s courses are worth it, I actually almost cried yesterday listening to a Submersion episode, so I had to admit I was biased 😀

I still can’t even really fathom who could I be if I didn’t choose to take that first DAI course. It’s been a transformation so huge that I frankly have moments where I feel I’m simply too grateful towards Steve and his work and I worry I may never be able to give something back 😅

Seriously though, course is absolutely solid ’till now. Again, almost unbelievably solid, as I trusted that it would have been good, but it was somehow very difficult to me to even imagine its quality.

“He asked me if Steve’s courses are worth it” 😉 I’m smiling because of how much Steve’s courses have changed the entire trajectory of my life!

Absolutely agree. DAI and Submersion both launched separate catapults of me into entirely new modes of living very quickly. And every time I begin to immerse myself in any of Steve’s work, this happens!

When I did DAI and submersion, things escalated very quickly for me. I didnt even complete submersion yet, only a few episodes in and my life skyrocketed (also skyrocketed during DAI too). Then just a couple months ago I tried doing DAI again in slow mo, skyrocketed again! I’m not even ready to begin stature. I’m still trying to maintain up here at the 50 million miles high marker 😆 but im getting there!

I was in Abundance Deep Dive as well as Submersion. Can’t wait for this one to happen. The wonderful thing is that the lessons inform each other, making them richer in meaning. Submersion/DAI is my go-to audio in my car!:-)

As people start thinking about and engaging with this group and this course, I thought this might be a helpful share:

I’ve been a member of Steve’s Conscious Growth Club for the last couple of years, so I’ve been able to watch the buildup to this course over a 2 year period (an earlier version of this course was almost created in February 2018, but Steve felt it wasn’t quite what he wanted it to be yet). I have to say that from what I’ve seen in CGC, I think this is quite likely (almost certain?) to be one of the best things Steve has ever created and shared with the world. I’m excited, and if it sounds interesting to you I would nudge you to be a part of it.

It’s super rewarding creating these in-depth courses, knowing that they really do change people’s lives for the better. I’m so looking forward to hearing about the ripples that Stature creates too.

Save $700 on Stature Today Only

Today is the final day of the Stature launch – so it’s also the last day of the launch discount. After today the price goes from $297 to $997.

From the time of posting this, there are about 14 hours left…

Going forward I want to direct the energy of the launch into creating more lessons and serving the hundreds of people who’ve signed up, as we invest in improving and upgrading our characters together.

Get the details, watch the invitation video, and join us here:

Stature: Character Sculpting Deep Dive Experience

I’ll see you inside! 😄 ❤️❤️❤️

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Sculpting Your Character

Obviously you’ve been through a lot of character sculpting already. You started as a baby, and you’ve grown into the person you are today. But much of that sculpting process was done to you, such as by your family upbringing, the culture you were raised in, and the education you received. Up to a certain point, you were sculpted by the world.

How well did the world do its job?

How do you feel about your character’s values, behaviors, habits, identity, lifestyle, and overall place in the world? How pleased are you with your internal state of being? How delighted are you with the results that are currently flowing into your life?

Do you feel like the world did a good job? Did it complete the task of fully sculpting your character, such that now you have a wonderful role to play for the rest of your life?

Some people might indeed feel the world did a great job on them. Others, myself included, would find these statements laughable, depending on when in our lives we ask them.

In my early years the world tried to sculpt me into a reverent, obedient Catholic. Nice try, world. Nice try.

Rebellion Phase

Of course I didn’t like where that was headed, so I rebelled against that fate and opted to take charge of my own path without the nuns and priests.

Actually I wish I had thought of it as sculpting my character, but I wasn’t that self-aware at the time. So it was mostly a phase of chaotic rebellion. That led to my getting arrested 4 times in 18 months… and almost going to prison for a year or two.

Eventually that situation scared me straight, and I abandoned the temporary dream of becoming a criminal mastermind. But I was still left hanging by the world. What now?

Personal Growth Phase

Eventually I stumbled upon personal growth, starting with a late night informercial to buy a memory improvement course. That seemed better than doing things that would get me arrested, albeit a bit tame relative to my previous lifestyle. The memory course was just okay, but it got me started on the long road of personal growth that I’ve been traveling ever since.

In the beginning I gobbled up random books and audio programs – whatever looked interesting to me. This material gradually taught me to think more consciously and deliberately about my life. In the beginning I consumed lots of material on goal setting, time management, and values. This led me to eventually set a really big goal for myself: graduate from college with two degrees in only three semesters. I succeeded and even won an award for being the top computer science student in my graduating class. That was a potent taste of what personal development could do for me. It was also my second attempt at university, my first run resulting in expulsion. Such a stark contrast in my results was enough to convince me that I should stick with personal growth work for many more years.

I was still being sculpted by the world in a way, but at least I had some say in how I was being sculpted. I could choose which books to read and which courses to buy. But I was still subjected to the values the authors injected into their work. Some of that was really good, and I liked being influenced and stretched, but I cringed whenever I heard someone utter the word God in their programs. I was an atheist at the time and wanted nothing more to do with religion.

This phase lasted for many years. I went through 1000+ books on various aspects of personal growth – relationships, health, business, spirituality, productivity, success, meditation, lifestyle, and more. I started going to workshops too. I hired a few different coaches.

The positive influence of this material definitely had an effect. I took a lot more growth-oriented action. I trained in martial arts for a few years. I got into distance running and ran the L.A. Marathon. I went vegan. I wrote an award-winning computer game. I bought and moved into a home that cost more than $1 million. I overcame my fear of public speaking. I started traveling. I got married (twice) and had kids (twice, but just with wife #1).

Conscious Character Sculpting

Being influenced by positive sources was really empowering, but I also felt that I could do better by engineering my own growth experiences. I sensed that there was yet another level I could progress to.

One method I used again and again was to do 30-day challenges. I did my first one in 1992, which was to go vegetarian for 30 days. It stuck and I never went back, even though I wasn’t intending to do it permanently. I used the same approach to go vegan 3.5 years later.

I’ve done so many of these challenges now that I lose track of them. I’ve probably done 6 or 7 of them in the past year alone. Even the more mundane ones, like learning chess for 30 days, added some delightful nuances to my character. Sometimes I do bigger challenges too, like my current challenge to blog every single day of 2020. Since I started on December 24 (why wait?), this is day 14. I still have 360 days to go after I publish this. It’s a leap year. 🙂

Long ago this type of challenge would have seemed unachievable. Now two weeks into it, I’m still enthusiastic about it. I know how good this will be for sculpting my character in the direction I want to go this year.

I saw the connection between the knowledge and experience I gained each year and the long-term effect on my character. Knowledge changed me. Experience changed me too.

Year after year of investing in personal growth had sculpted me into a different person. My past self who wasn’t yet into personal growth wouldn’t recognize me as I am today. He might even find me intimidating. I’d just hug him though, even though he’d probably cringe. Even though our scars are basically identical, he hadn’t yet repaired the damage related to being touched by humans.

I can still remember how I used to be in other decades of my life, so in that sense I’m the same person I was before. But I’ve added and shifted so much through gains in knowledge and experience that my dominant thoughts and feelings can be strikingly different each decade. I seem to become increasingly relaxed and confident in who I am as I get older. I find it easier and more effortless to express myself without worrying about being judged or criticized. Making money is easy and fun. And I get to enjoy a cool lifestyle. Later this month I’m going to visit the Panama Canal for the first time, and I’m heading back to Europe again this summer. I used to have a character that thought it must be a huge deal to leave the country, so he never did so. He’s really going to love his first trip to Paris.

Appreciating the World’s Role

I used to resent what my Catholic upbringing did to my character. Much of my early personal growth work involved repairing the damage. It’s so nice to live by my own well-formed sense of ethics instead of having some vapid nonsense like the Ten Commandments stuck in my head.

Today I feel differently about the world’s role in early character training – grateful actually. The religious “truths” I was taught early in life just seemed so ludicrous and nonsensical once I grew half a brain that it was a no-brainer (or half-brainer?) to reject that sooner or later.

The world handed me such a terribly misaligned character that clearly wasn’t going to work for me long-term. Self-pity wasn’t going to help. And doing heart-racing stuff that got me arrested, while often fun, clearly wasn’t sustainable unless I wanted to sculpt myself into a character who only wears orange pajamas.

The world gave me little choice but to try to fix the crappy ass NPC preset that it served up. But if not for that, I don’t think I’d have learned some of the most powerful self-development methods that are such an integral part of my life today. Life put me in a position where I had to put tons of work into my character if I wanted to have any chance at long-term happiness.

This kind of work is very difficult at times. It’s especially difficult to admit the truth that we aren’t as happy with our current characters as we’d like to be. So many of us pretend to be okay to fit in socially when we clearly aren’t inside. I have thousands of emails from people as evidence of that.

It’s hard to say yes to character sculpting work. It usually involves a lot of crying. But it does work, and it is worth it. And in the long run, it’s way, way better than denial.

I feel lucky that my starting point didn’t give me much room for denial. I felt like I slammed hard into the truth about myself shortly before I was even an adult. I think this road is more difficult for people who have the option of pretending that all is well with them. It’s harder for many other people to get started on this path because they aren’t ready to admit just how misaligned their characters have become. So they continue living those lives of quiet desperation, if only to remind the rest of us not to end up like that.

Fortunately a lot of us are ready and willing to admit that our characters need work. The challenge for us is figuring out how to do it effectively, so that we create clear signs of progress inside and out.

While my character sculpting journey began with damage repair mode, that’s no longer true today (and hasn’t been true for many years). Now I just want to take a character I really like and continue sculpting it into one that I really, really like. And when I get there, I’ll work on creating a character that I really, really, really like. It’s definitely possible to like who you’ve become yet still want to keep growing. When I go through some intense growth for a while, I often like to settle in for a bit, but eventually the promise of more growth always seduces me back into the game.

Conscious Character Sculpting

These days I really love the character I get to play each day. I like myself because I worked hard to turn my character into someone I’d like.

This requires figuring out what kind of character you’d like (not always easy) and then doing the work to actually become that character (pretty much never easy).

I’m happy that I developed my character into a creative entrepreneur who hasn’t been anyone’s employee since 1992. Would you enjoy playing a character who never needs to deal with job interviews, commuting, corporate politics, and bad coffee? I’m literally writing this article dressed like Arthur Dent.

I’m happy that I see money as something fun and flowing and playful, not as something to fret over.

I’m happy that I’m married to a woman who’s smart, funny, and yummy. She’s my best friend too. I love snuggle-sleeping with her every night. And I like working with her each day as well.

I’m happy I have a lifestyle that I like. I get to create and publish a lot, which I enjoy. I get to work with very growth-oriented people every day in Conscious Growth Club. I get to travel a nice amount. And I get to keep doing lots of stretchy personal growth experiments.

And I’m not stopping – ever! I know that my character will always be a work in progress, and it’s fun and rewarding to progress (once you learn how to get yourself to actually change). It’s also fun to keep dreaming up new ways I can train him and teach my character new tricks, like when I got him to go 40 days without food in 2017… or when I had him go to Disneyland for 30 days in a row in 2016. This year I’ve put him on a major training program for amping up his creative output, so he’ll create and publish more this year than any year before.

If you have to live with your character for the rest of your life, wouldn’t it be nice if the experience keeps getting better and better?

Let Me Help You Sculpt Your Character

If you wake up each day with a character you love to play, kudos to you, especially if you didn’t start out that way. We should compare notes.

If, however, your character needs work, then you have two options. Figure it out on your own like I did, which will take decades.

or…

Leverage my decades of acquiring knowledge and experience, including years of coaching people, and join us for the new character sculpting deep dive that we just launched at the beginning of this year. It’s called Stature, and its ultimate purpose is to help you sculpt your character into one that you love playing each day – taking it one day at a time with bite-sized lessons and exercises.

Character sculpting is truly a lifelong process, but if you learn these tools early enough in life, they’re going to save you so many years of false starts and dead ends. I know I can shave years off your learning curve here if you’ll let me.

More than 100 people have already joined in the first few days (135 last time I checked). You can see the current count at the top of the Stature page. How many do we have now? You can be our +1.

During the launch week, we’re offering Stature at a 70% discount from the long-term price, so this discount is only good for about 2 more days: Tuesday and Wednesday this week. It expires at midnight Pacific time at the end of Wednesday, January 8.

So far I’ve published the first 7 audio lessons, and we have full transcripts published for the first 4 of those. We’re co-creating this course together throughout January and February, during which time we’ll build the course to at least 42 lessons (probably more).

Here’s a screenshot of the lessons in our member portal, so you can see what we have so far. You can stream or download any lesson from your favorite device (the portal is mobile friendly). There’s also a workbook to accompany the lessons and bunch of other bonuses and supplementary material being created for this.

Stature Lessons

If you’re ready to dive in with 135+ other people and do some major character sculpting work to create not just an amazing 2020 but a happy and empowering life, you’d be wise to join us for the Stature course. You get to keep it for life and do the course as many times as you desire. My website is a long-term fixture in the personal growth community (operating continuously since 2004), so we have that stable longevity factor going for us.

Hopefully you have a character who’s empowered enough to say yes to this, but if you’re still on the fence, my tip is to go with your first gut instinct.

A recent study reported in the Washington Post today claimed that people make better decisions when they go with their first gut instinct instead of second-guessing themselves. I also asked growth-oriented friends on social media if they make better decisions from gut instinct or second-guessing analysis, and it was abundantly clear that gut instinct was the winner by far – many had regrets about second-guessing themselves and missing opportunities. So if your gut instinct is to join us, then join us.

I also trust my gut instinct, which told me that creating this course was one of the best projects I could do in my lifetime. I’m building a timeless course that will serve people for decades to come. This is just the beginning. I hope your character will join us in this special experience. The energy from the first group of people going through a course is just such a delight to behold.

We’re only 7 lessons in, and many people have told me they’ve cried a good bit already. Come share some tears with us if you’re brave enough. It’s part of the rebirthing process as we say goodbye to our old selves.

Seriously, please do join. Stature will do you a world of good.

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Creating a More Action-Oriented Character

Do you ever feel that your character is too hesitant and self-censoring? Maybe you get an idea to take action or to share something, and then another voice pops in your head and talks you out of it.

Perhaps you straddle the fence for a while, pondering whether it’s wiser to take action or hold back, and much of the time you hold back. Perhaps you start to take action and then undo or delete what you’ve done because of that voice chiming with objections like these:

  • I don’t really need to share this.
  • This isn’t important.
  • Someone might not like what I have to say.
  • What if I’m wrong?
  • What if this doesn’t turn out well?

These are the voices of suppression, and we all have them to one degree or another. Unfortunately if we don’t train these neural subnets well enough, then we’ll end up suppressing too much and leaving a lot of potential value untapped. It’s hard to improve our results if we aren’t taking enough inspired action.

The Problem of Self-Censoring

Here’s the problem with self-censoring. While sometimes it may indeed be wise to hold our tongues, if we do it too often, then we strengthen the mental patterns related to suppression, and this training will spill over into other areas too.

When you suppress your ideas for self-expression, such suppression won’t be compartmentalized to just those few thoughts. You’ll be training your mind to get better at suppression all around. This can keep you trapped – in a job you dislike, a misaligned relationship, and habits that don’t serve you.

If your life isn’t awesome yet, one major cause is that you’re self-suppressing and self-censoring way too much. How are you supposed to improve your results when you hold back so much?

You may think about moving on and taking a risk. You may get an idea to stretch yourself and step into what feels more aligned. And then the voice of suppression kicks in and talks you out of it. And so you remain in your current situation, and another year of your life slips away. The passage of time isn’t kind when you overdo suppression.

Hesitation

The best intention of hesitation to prevent you from making a mistake. Hesitation aims to keep you safe. It tries to reduce the damage your character takes, especially physical, social, and financial damage.

But not all mistakes are equal. Some mistakes are fantastic learning experiences. Mistakes are very often stepping stones to successes. You’re really not going to succeed much unless you make a lot of mistakes.

Hesitation keeps us trapped in our comfort zones because sticking with the familiar seems like the safer bet. Exploring outside our comfort zones seems riskier.

Unfortunately hesitation lies to you. It tempts you with promises of a safe and comfortable life, but what it really delivers is stagnation and decline. And that’s because while you stand still, the world will keep changing faster and faster while you continue aging, eventually leaving you with the impression that you’ve fallen behind. You have indeed fallen behind because this is a world of action.

So many people enter their senior years with piles of regrets about the opportunities they missed. They allowed their inspired ideas to be overruled again and again by the voice of suppression. Don’t less than happen to you if you can prevent it.

Hesitation also lies when it promises that you can revisit an idea later, once you’ve had more time to think it over, research it, or discuss it. But in reality such delays will usually kill good ideas from being implemented at all. You’ll either end up trapped in circular thought about the idea, or you’ll eventually forget about the idea altogether. Either way you never make it through the committed action phase. Sound familiar?

Immediate Action

The best intention of immediate action is for you to capture a reward quickly. This impulse aims to increase your gains.

But something else happens when you lean towards action more and more. You get into the flow of acting on your ideas sooner and faster. You train your action pathways to become more dominant. You ride waves of massive creativity and self-expression as the voice of self-suppression fades into the background.

Living in action mode for extended periods is marvelous. It’s a feeling of being awake and alive. It’s stimulating and fun – if you get the balance right.

You can still take breaks and enjoy plenty of time off, and during your time off, you can make quick decisions regarding what to do for fun, relaxation, and renewal. You can enjoy the flow of action during work, rest, and play.

My favorite way to travel is to just pick a place and go. It’s super fun to have a destination pop into my mind one day and then to be in that new place within a day or two, sometimes within a matter of hours if I can get there fast enough.

One friend got off a plane at an airport, then used some method to pick a random destination to travel to next. It turned out to be the same city and country he just left, so he hopped on a flight back there and had more amazing adventures. That might sound a bit crazy, but ask yourself this: Which style of action will create the best memories?

Do you think that my friend is going to regret his airport bouncing when he’s older? I seriously doubt it. Today he has a cool story to tell. Years from now he’ll have a delightful collection of memories.

When was the last time you had an idea to go travel to a certain place? And what happened next? You probably told yourself that it would be cool someday. Why not go right now, as quickly as you can arrange transportation and a place to stay? You do realize that you could be there with a day or two most likely, right? Why not now? Ah yes… those pesky suppression subnets will offer up plenty of objections. And yet you could still make the trip happen right now, if only your action subnets were strong enough.

When you think about taking action, especially in big and meaningful ways, just ask yourself:

Do I want the memories of doing this? Or do I want the memory of skipping this?

These questions give me great clarity on some tricky decisions. To be honest sometimes the answer that pops out really pushes me outside of my comfort zone. Sometimes it becomes obvious that I’d treasure the memories that would flow from taking action, even when the journey looks a bit scary or uncomfortable. And then I have the thought: Damn… I think I need to do this.

Balanced Thinking

When you’re thinking about taking action, especially to express yourself in some way, initially you may get an emotional response – perhaps fear, worry, or anxiety – and those feelings can throw you off balance.

One thing I like to do when I feel unbalanced by emotion is to grab three sheets of blank paper and a pen, and then I write out my thoughts and feelings as they arise until all three pages are full. This takes about 45 minutes and is well worth the time investment. It helps to move the energy through the emotional brain into the logical brain. It processes the feelings well enough that I can think clearly about the problem, situation, or opportunity. Using pen and paper (instead of typing) slows me down and provides more thinking time as I write, so the processing feels more thorough. I recommend this method if you struggle with distracting thoughts or feelings and want to feel mentally clear and sharp again. It’s a nice way to restore balance.

I know that if I lean too far in the direction of self-suppression, it will lead to boredom and stagnation. I’ll end up feeling trapped or stuck because I’m not taking enough action. It’s a feeling of being stifled. Sometimes it feels like I’m falling behind, and the world is passing me by.

If I lean too far towards impulsivity though, which I’ve done before, it creates excessive stress because my actions are too random and chaotic. This was the kind of imbalance that got me arrested four times when I was 18-19 years old. I’d do or say whatever crazy idea popped into my mind, illegal or otherwise.

Eventually I learned to balance these modes of thinking more deliberately. I love the stimulation of being in the flow of action, but I don’t need random stimulation from chaotic action. What helps to create the right balance is setting ambitious goals, consciously choosing my own personal growth challenges, and aligning my life with core values and a sense of purpose. This provides a big picture compass for the action and suppression circuits.

To create the right long-term balance, you must deliberately invite discomfort by stretching beyond your comfort zone again and again. You have to keep encouraging the action circuits, so you don’t over-suppress yourself.

Suppressing Suppression

Here’s a recent example of how I mentally handled a situation by leaning into action when the self-suppression circuitry was also active.

Yesterday an idea popped into my mind, which was to create a Facebook group for the upcoming Stature course launch. I thought this might make the launch more fun and social for those who want to feel more connected to like-minded people who are deciding if they want to do this particular deep dive. Since hundreds of people signed up for each of our previous courses during their launches, I could expect that hundreds will also be interested in our newest deep dive course. And I have seen evidence that some of these people would love to connect with that launch energy more directly.

This wasn’t a new idea. It had also popped into my mind now and then over the previous weeks. But each time it came up, another part of my mind suppressed the idea. Not right now… I’m too busy… Maybe for the next launch… I’ll need to research this first… Many of my readers don’t like Facebook… We don’t really need this… I can add this to a list of ideas to think about later…

Suppression will usually come up with some logical sounding objections to an idea, and those objections will tend to halt further thinking. Objections let you off the hook and give you the impression that delaying is best. An objection is really a block to deeper rational thought though.

So I tabled that idea for a while. But this recurring suppression combined with some other recent suppressions may me feel like I was slipping too far into suppression mode, and I recognize the risk of being in that mode for too long. So I decided it was time to swing the pendulum the opposite way and to encourage my mind to take more action.

I want to play a more action-oriented character for 2020, so I need to calibrate my thinking to stimulate more action and to suppress suppression. This led me to commit to what I shared in the 365-Day Challenges article. I intend to blog every day of 2020.

Swinging the pendulum like this rewards and activates the action subnets and while suppressing the suppression subnets. Consequently, it makes me feel more action-oriented each day.

Since committing to this challenge, my days are even richer in inspired action. I’m doing a better job of acting on ideas immediately as they arise. I feel inspired and energized to keep taking more action, which is a great feeling to have as we head into a new launch.

Yesterday the same idea to create a Facebook group for the launch popped into my mind, but this time my thought patterns were different. Because I’d been stimulating my action circuits with the blogging commitment, I’d shifted my inner mental balance. I still heard those hesitant thoughts come up, but they weren’t nearly as present and powerful as the stimulating voice of action.

Think about how this works. Since I actually started my blogging challenge on December 24th, I’ve already gone a week down this path. Each day I still perceive the suppression circuits activating, but they can’t come up with a viable reason why I shouldn’t blog each day, certainly nothing strong enough to counteract the public commitment I’ve made. So now that voice of suppression sounds really weak feeble when it tries to object, and it surrenders quickly: Oh never mind… go ahead and write. This voice gets quieter and quieter each day while the voice is action is growing louder and crisper.

Consequently, within a very short time after having that idea popped into my head yesterday, I asked Rachelle if she could look into setting up such a group and make it happen that same day. She agreed. But then a short time later, I felt that this was still a trick of suppression. Was delegating this actually faster or just another delay tactic? I thought: How long could it take to create a Facebook group? I Googled how to do it and saw that it was pretty simple. Then I just did it immediately. The group was created and open within a few minutes. It was simpler than I expected.

Next I had the thought that I should began inviting people to join. And of course I still heard the suppressing thoughts arise in response: Should I carefully check over the group settings first? Shouldn’t Rachelle and I go over the admin stuff first to make sure we know what we’re doing?

But again, the voice of action was louder because I’d been training it to become so. It squashed suppression’s feeble delay tactics, and I immediately began inviting people to join the group, such as by announcing it in a News post.

It hasn’t even been 24 hours yet, and we already have 177 people in the group – with more joining every hour. So that’s great to see. If I had suppressed the idea, it would be zero since the group wouldn’t exist. Now we already have more than enough people to make it interesting and worthwhile.

Note that by taking immediate action instead of suppressing an idea, I’ve also gained a new skill. I now know how to create an administrate a Facebook group, which I didn’t know how to do 24 hours ago. If it goes well for this launch, we could create such groups for other launches as a way of making them more social.

I also intend to do some Facebook Lives (live interactive video chats) in the new group. I’ve never done this before either, despite having known about them for years. Why continue to suppress this idea when taking action would be more fun and growth-oriented?

You’re of course welcome to join our new Facebook group if you’re interested in the new character sculpting deep dive, which will launch on January 1st. You’ll find the group at facebook.com/groups/stature. How many members does it have now?

Balancing Action and Suppression

Balancing your action and suppression circuits is a lifelong challenge. It’s good to accept this, so you can consciously think about which way you need to train your character next. It’s pointless to beat yourself up for becoming imbalanced one way or the other. Imbalances will happen. See this as an invitation to retrain your character to create the balance you desire.

Look back on your past year. Did you take enough inspired action? Or did you feel that suppression was the main voice of that year? Were your decisions too impulsive and chaotic? Did you create enough cherished memories?

What do you want for 2020? Do you want a calmer, more controlled, and more suppressed year? Or do you want more bold action and self-expression? Do you want more introspection and reflection? Or do you want this to be a year of action and results?

From interacting with my readers recently, I learned that most of them felt that 2019 was too stunted relative to their desires. They want to shift the balance towards more action and bolder self-expression for 2020 and beyond. They want to step up and stretch beyond their comfort zones and censor themselves less. They want to sculpt themselves into more action-oriented characters.

Yet they also want to be gentler towards themselves and others. They like kindness and compassion and don’t want their self-expression to come across as overly harsh and judgmental. The idea of gentle fierceness resonates with many of them.

This is doable, but it isn’t easy. Hence the reason we’re taking this on in the form of a new deep dive together.

Realize that if your 2019 was disappointing, your 2020 will likely be disappointing too unless you deliberately step outside of your comfort zone. I’m doing this too because I want my 2020 to be a more action-oriented year. By the time Valentine’s Day comes up, I’ll already have written more articles for 2020 than I did for all of 2019. This year I expect to write, record, and publish more than I have in any year of my life. So I need to train myself to favor action over suppression. This is partly due to curiosity. I really want to know what it’s like to live for a full year as this kind of character. What will it be like to make creative expression a bigger part of my reality than ever before?

I think it sounds fun and stimulating, even though it isn’t comfortable. I’m deliberately setting myself up for a less comfortable year because I think the character sculpting effect will be worth it, not to mention all the ripples this creates for other people as well. Notice how this plugs back into values and purpose – that’s our compass here.

If you want to train yourself into a more action-oriented character as well, I invite you to do whatever it takes to commit yourself to that this year. Make a commitment that deliberately exits your comfort zone and enters the growth zone. Don’t let another year of self-suppression and self-censoring slip through your fingers. Find your voice this year.

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Investing in Your Core

Which investments in your education, skills, work, and lifestyle will be most valuable to you in the long run?

A lot is going to change in the next 10 years for you, both personally and professionally. The problem is that you can’t accurately predict what will change and how it will change. This makes it difficult to know where to invest your time, energy, and money today. It’s hard to be sure what will pay off in the long run.

But now consider what isn’t likely to change. What can you say about yourself, the world, and other people that will likely remain essentially the same 10 years from now? What will be predictably stable?

Some years ago Amazon’s team pondered what wasn’t likely to change about their business over the next 10 years. They realized that customers are always going to want speedier delivery, so they opted to make a huge, multi-year investment in building the capabilities to deliver items faster. Other investments were more speculative or risky, but it was a safe bet that customers were going to value faster delivery for many years to come. Amazon’s team recognized that people are always going to want their items faster, which made it easier for Amazon to place really big bets on speedier delivery.

Future Proofing Your Career

What if you thought about your current work and lifestyle the way Amazon approaches its business?

Let’s start with your work and work-related skills. What about your work, your field, or the demand for certain skills will remain unchanged in the next 10 years? How could you invest more in the unchangeable aspects?

I can predict with high certainty is that many people will still be interested in personal growth in 10 years. I can predict that people will still have personal problems to solve. I can predict that people’s lives will become more complicated than they are today. I can predict that people will have even more distractions to deal with. I can predict that many people will want more clarity and certainty about their paths in life. I can predict that many people will feel disconnected and will want more love and connection in their lives.

Even if AI steps in to do more in this area, I can also predict that many people will still like working with other humans to improve their lives. I can predict that many people will value caring, compassion, and honesty.

I think you get the idea. Over the long run, there’s a lot about this field of work that’s stable and predictable, mainly because human beings have certain qualities that are remarkably stable.

One way I apply this realization is that as I develop new courses, I think about what will still matter to people in 10 or 20 years. I’m not developing a course on email efficiency since I don’t know if that will still be relevant enough in a decade or two. I prefer to develop courses where it’s a pretty sure bet that the topics will still be relevant decades from now. This affects the topics I choose as well as the individual lessons I record. When I design a lesson, I think about whether it will seem dated in 20 years. Sometimes I even think about whether it will be relevant in 100 years, 500 years, or 1000 years. To reflect upon this, I consider which books from 1000+ years ago that I found worth reading, such as The Iliad and The Odyssey. This helps me zero in on timeless qualities like courage and honor. And so my work is rich in such topics. I think that timeless topics help us go to connect more deeply than topics with shorter lifespans.

I even consider whether each course may be helpful to an AI that consumes the content. I think about whether the lessons are AI-relevant, not just human-centric. For instance, an AI has a relationship with its reality just as a human does, so it may find value in the Submersion course, which is about upgrading your relationship with reality. How can I develop a course today and expect it to be just as meaningful, relevant, and worthwhile for people in 20 years? I have to focus on those core aspects of people’s lives that are unlikely to change.

I encourage you to think a decade or two ahead as well, especially when it comes to skill-building. It takes years to build really strong skills. It would be a shame if your investment only has a short lifespan, and then you have to start over. It’s so nice to continue leveraging skills that took 10+ years to build, knowing that they aren’t going out of style anytime soon.

To figure out which skills to invest in, you can guess or try to predict how the future will be different, but it’s actually easier to predict how it won’t be different.

Predicting What You’ll Love

What will you still love, enjoy, and appreciate in 10 years?

Your answers to this question signal another good way to decide how to invest your time and energy in the years ahead.

Your tastes and preferences will change over time, but some interests will remain stable for decades. What are those stable parts of your character?

I can predict that I’ll still be into personal growth in 10 years. I’ll still like connecting with other growth-oriented people. I’ll still be vegan. I’ll still like writing and speaking. I’ll still like to exercise. I’ll still like to travel. I’ll still like doing growth challenges to stretch myself. I’ll still love hugs and cuddles. These are all long-term commitments that aren’t likely to change in the next decade. I may change how I express them, but the core patterns behind them will likely remain very stable.

Other aspects of my life could change though. Will I still be living in Las Vegas 10 years from now? That’s possible since I’ve lived here for 16 years, but I could see myself moving during that time, maybe to another country. Will I still be blogging in 10 years? That’s possible too, but I could shift to other modes of expression. Something new could arise that I like even better.

Investing in Your Core

When you understand the stable parts of your character, you can invest in them more deeply. You can make much bigger bets on those areas of your life that you know you’re still going to enjoy and appreciate many years ahead.

Now if you combine the stable parts of your character and lifestyle with the stable parts of your work and skills, that’s where you can make your biggest bets of all.

For me a pattern in both areas is personal growth. It’s part of my business and my personal life, and I can predict that these patterns will remain stable for at least another 10 or 20 years. So that’s where I can justify betting bigger – a lot bigger.

One way you can gauge your investments is to note where you’re spending your money. What we’re really looking for is your investment of energy, and money is a decent yet imperfect way to assess where energy is flowing. This is especially true when you spend enough money that it feels a bit edgy or scary to you, just like a stock or real estate investor who’s making a big bet on a company or property. If your investments don’t stir up some emotion, you’re probably investing too little, playing it safe, and staying too far inside your comfort zone. That edgy feeling is a sign that you care about what you’re doing. It wakes you up, keeps you stimulated, and ensures that you’ll do whatever it takes to help your investment succeed.

For the upcoming year, I’ve enrolled in a yearlong coaching program and renewed a couple of other memberships to private groups. I’m pre-committed to spending about $14,500 on personal growth expenses (not counting related travel), and the year hasn’t started yet. I’ll undoubtedly spend more as the year progresses. This feels good to me. It’s enough to feel moderately edgy and stimulated but not so much that it would make me feel paranoid. I know I’m making intelligent bets on stable, long-term areas of value. It’s essentially the same logic that convinced Amazon to pour billions into speedier delivery.

But if I were to take that same amount and invest it on tech for my business, such as buying a new Mac Pro, I wouldn’t feel good about it. It seems like a waste that’s unlikely to pay off as well. I love good tech, but spending thousands more for slightly better tools that I can fully leverage doesn’t sit well with me. My investment in tech hardware will only depreciate. I only have so much time to recoup my investment as my hardware’s market value goes to zero.

Investments in personal growth are very different because those investments don’t depreciate. In fact, they tend to appreciate. Due to the long-term stability of personal growth, I can recoup huge gains over time. What I spend for 2020 is likely to still be paying dividends 5 years, 10 years, 20 years out, and beyond. The payoff is just so wonderful.

So for this reason, each year I like to spend way more on personal growth than I do on tech, even in years when I upgrade every device I own to the newest, fully decked out version.

I was in Toastmasters for 6 years (2004 to 2010). I think it was $60 every 6 months to be a member, so $120 per year, so that’s $720 in total dues. Add in the cost of transportation to and from the meetings, buying extra clothes for doing more speeches, occasional conference fees and travel (like for the Toastmasters International Conference, which I attended twice, and some district level conferences), and miscellaneous related expenses, and it probably adds up to less than $5K total. Toastmasters was hugely helpful in enabling me to reach my goal of doing a 3-day workshop on the Las Vegas Strip. That first event made more than $50K in profit. And that’s also where my wife Rachelle and I first met. The ripples from that event are still paying dividends today, and we’ve done 15 other 3-day workshops since then as well. My 2020 plans include doing a new event in Vegas in the Fall as well.

So the ongoing ripples from my Toastmasters investment are still paying dividends year after year. It’s like receiving lifetime royalties for a book written many years ago. Being able to get on a stage, speak confidently, and have fun with it has greatly enhanced my lifestyle as well. Next month I’ll be emceeing the first day of a leadership conference at a hotel next to the Panama Canal. I don’t normally play the emcee role, but thanks to my prior Toastmasters experience, I know how to do it and make it fun.

Toastmasters is inexpensive, but it still takes a lot of time and energy to go to meetings; create, practice, and deliver speeches; and engage with the group. So initially it may seem like a big deal. But consider that you have your whole life to recoup that investment. I so wish I’d gotten into Toastmasters while in my 20s instead of my 30s.

Are you spending more on the unchangeable parts of your life (like personal growth or communication skills) than you do on the changeable parts (like tech)? If not, consider flipping that pattern around, and watch the long-term ROI from your investments soar.

Amping Up Your Core Investments

It’s easy to flow time, energy, and money into investments that don’t pay off. This is especially true when you chase after the latest technique- or method-based programs, the ones that promise you fast and easy results. I think of these as “game the system” programs, like ones that will teach you how to make money selling stuff on Amazon or how to rank higher on Google. It’s nice while it lasts, but will it endure for decades? How many times have you strayed away from your core to fall for such traps? I was guilty of that a lot in my 20s… till I finally found my footing and grew a bit wiser.

To make really good investments in yourself, your knowledge, your skills, and your lifestyle, seek to identify and understand the unchangeable core within you. What about you seems stable and isn’t likely to change much in the next 10 years? These are terrific areas for making big, bold bets on yourself.

By contrast, what’s really just a whim that you aren’t likely to care about in 10 years? Steer clear of plunking money down on those areas.

I challenge you to keep stretching your comfort zone when it comes to investing in your core. For many years I would spend less than $1K per year on personal growth, and it felt nice and cozy. I’d buy all the books I wanted and some audio programs too. Now and then I might attend a local workshop. I advanced little by little.

Then at some point I progressed to spending about $1-5K per year on personal growth: more books, more audio programs, nice seminars, club memberships, courses, conferences, and a little coaching here and there. That was still pretty cozy but stretched me more.

These days I like to spend somewhere in the $15-40K range per year on personal growth: lots of books and audiobooks, workshops, conferences, seminars, memberships, and coaching. This still feels cozy, but it also feels more powerful. Mostly I’d describe it as fun and stimulating. It feels more social and connected too since I now work on personal growth with other people every day, including as part of running Conscious Growth Club.

This also makes me wonder what it would be like to eventually spend $100K+ per year on personal growth and to have that feel normal. Right now I’m still getting so much value from the 5-figure level that I’d like to stay here a bit longer and keep soaking up the fun and stimulation that it provides. It’s not just the money to consider but also the time investment. Shoving more money into the pot isn’t the point. The money is just an indicator of energy flow, but it’s really the energy that matters. You can flow a lot of energy into an investment without spending much money, like I did with Toastmasters, but sometimes it’s also good to get plenty of money flowing towards your core. If you aren’t willing to spend your money on what truly matters to you, that’s a sign that you’re probably holding back due to fear, self-doubt, or some other internal misalignment. Be willing to bet bigger on yourself.

Don’t be so worried about making a mistake now and then. It happens. Even a fairly weak course or program might yield one good idea, and if it’s a fairly timeless idea, you still have decades to recoup the investment. Sometimes the best I can do is look back on a foolish investment and laugh at it, but somehow even the foolish ones really aren’t that regrettable in the long run.

Since I’ve been investing in personal growth for decades now, I notice that I am indeed still gaining from investments I made years ago, even from the smallest expenses like books and movies. A book I read 20 years ago may provide an insight that I share on a coaching call today. I often leverage the knowledge gained from personal growth investments I made during the 1990s in my work today. And I expect that today’s investments will still be paying dividends many years from now.

Enter the Dragon

On our quarterly planning review call in Conscious Growth Club yesterday, I anchored the call with a Bruce Lee quote about a finger pointing to the Moon. When I first watched Enter the Dragon as a teenager, I couldn’t have predicted that it would be useful professionally decades later. It’s a fun movie and will likely seem pretty dated today, but it does contain some nice personal growth lessons.

Here’s a 2-minute Bruce Lee clip that I think you’ll like, which contains the quote I referenced on yesterday’s call. It’s a fun clip to watch and may add some extra sparkle to your day.

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Enter the Dragon premiered in 1973, one month after Bruce Lee’s death at age 32. Rachelle and I once visited his grave in Seattle. Does Bruce Lee’s work still inspire people 46 years later? You bet!

Bruce Lee is a great example of someone who invested in his core. He trained hard, and then he turned that investment towards creating ripples for others – inspiring millions with his work ethic, skills, philosophy, and movies.

Investing in your core pays off so ridiculously well over time because you have a long timespan to make gains from your investment, Bruce Lee’s early departure notwithstanding.

Are you investing enough in your core? Are you expressing your core outwardly into the world? Have you been feeding your inner dragon and encouraging it to soar?

What would Bruce Lee think of your level of investment? Well, first he’d smack you for using the word think. Then he’d ask: How do you feel?

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5 Character Sculpting Transformations

Last month I asked my newsletter subscribers to share their biggest challenges and desires with respect to their current characters. This is because I’m working on a new character sculpting deep dive course (which will launch on January 1st, 2020), and I wanted to get clear about the real transformations that people want to experience. The questions helped people consider who they are now, who they desire to become, and the gap between those. In this post I’ll share what my readers said they wanted to improve about their characters (without revealing anything personal that people shared in confidence).

I received many revealing replies, and I took a lot of notes. Then I re-read the responses and my notes again and looked for deeper patterns. It takes me many hours whenever I do this, but I always find it worthwhile. If I’m going to invest in creating a new course, I want it to be impactful and beneficial to those who enroll, so I need to know where my readers are struggling specifically. Then I spend even more time figuring out how I can help.

Ultimately I condensed the responses down to five core transformations that people are seeking here.

Whether you expect to join us for the new deep dive or not, I think you’ll find these transformations interesting. See if any of them resonate with you.

1. More Acceptance of Self and Others

The first transformation is to become more accepting of self and others. Many people internally resent some aspect of their lives – painful memories, disappointments with their health or fitness, mental and emotional struggles, unproductive behavioral patterns, and more. Some people are concerned that they’ve become too judgmental all around, either beating themselves up internally or rejecting others too quickly. They realize that focusing too much on what they don’t want is only keeping them stuck. They’d like to relax and release some resentments and be more accepting of what they have to deal with, so they can progress to more interesting experiences in life instead of fussing so much with recurring problems. The excessive resistance often keeps them trapped in some form of experiential poverty, preventing them from accessing the most rewarding parts of life. They’re wasting energy resisting what is, and they see the benefit in freeing up this energy.

2. Commitment-Worthy Clarity

The second transformation is that people want more clarity and less confusion about their paths. Playing a confused and self-doubting character is getting tiresome for many people. They understand the importance of clarity, but they’re not sure how to create it for themselves, let alone getting it to stick with long-term consistency. Sometimes they feel envious of others who know what they want and are working to achieve it. At the same time, they also value freedom and flexibility and don’t want their lives to become too linear and predictable. Character-wise these people expressed a desire for more definition, meaning, richness, depth, purpose, and contribution in the roles they play in life. They seem frustrated with the random currents of life tossing them around so much, as well as their own indecision, and they’d like to steer and direct their lives more consciously, deliberately, and consistently. They struggle to make this a reality, however, partly because they have high standards for which paths are truly commitment worthy. It takes a lot for them to really commit to a path, yet when they do commit themselves fully, they’re capable of accomplishing a great deal. We could frame this transformation as the quest to find a worthy commitment.

3. Alignment Among Values, Actions, and Social Circle

The third transformation is to improve inner and outer alignment, especially among values, behaviors, and environment. Many people feel that different parts of themselves are internally fighting with each other. One part wants to be ambitious while another part encourages laziness. One part wants to make detailed plans while another part wants to relax and go with the flow. Many people also noted feeling misaligned with their environments, particularly their social circles. Some feel that no one in their life really gets them. When they try to express themselves authentically, they either hear cricket sounds in response or outright rejection of their ideas, which can be crushing. What they’d love to experience is a sense of internal and external teamwork. They want to stop wasting so much time and energy dealing with misalignments, so they can enjoy more flow and cooperation. The real challenge here is how to become a character who creates and maintains strong alignment inside and out.

4. Fierce and Fearless Self-Expression

The fourth transformation is to embrace authentic self-expression. People want to express themselves creatively through writing, music, art, speaking, coaching, making videos, deep conversations, and more. They want to feel free to speak their minds and not be overly concerned by others’ reactions. Many feel they’re being too quietly conforming, often keeping their opinions to themselves and not wanting to rock the boat. This challenge is often combined with a lack of social alignment since if they do share their opinions, they’re not likely to receive much support for doing so; rejection from family and peers is likely. But deep down these same people see themselves as very smart, and they dislike that they’re holding their brilliance in check. This also links with the third transformation about alignment. One mindset finds it prudent to stay quiet while another mindset wants to wield the courage to speak up and be heard (and feel respected for doing so). I found it interesting that several readers independently used the words “fierce” or “fierceness” to describe how they want to express themselves – all of them women.

5. Chill, Relaxed Confidence

The fifth transformation is to be more chill – to develop a sense of relaxed confidence both personally and professionally. People reported feeling stress, anxiety, and self-doubt with respect to certain challenges they feel they should otherwise be able to handle. Instead of feeling worried or overwhelmed, people want to say to themselves, “I’ve got this!” They’d like to build more trust in their abilities, intelligence, and instincts. They’d rather invest energy in taking action with trust and confidence to create meaningful lives instead of wasting energy on stress and worry. I detected some exasperation from those who feel they’ve been letting other people dictate the terms of life to them. I think they recognize that confidence is more energy efficient – not to mention more fun and rewarding.

Some people will resonate with all or most of these transformations because they tend to be connected. Others may only find one or two to be personally meaningful. I imagine that most of my readers will recognize their own situations in at least one of these.

Remember that these are compressed summaries of what people actually shared, so there’s a lot more to unpack here. In terms of alignment in particular, many people also shared specific values they want to elevate in their lives. Courage was a big one, along with fierceness, boldness, fearlessness, and more. I really got the sense that many readers want to step up and play stronger, bolder, fiercer characters for 2020 – no more holding back.

All five of these transformations have been a part of my personal growth journey as well, so I felt very connected to what people shared. Some of the messages were very moving, especially when people shared some of the events (often painful ones) that sculpted their current characters up to this point. I felt honored that people were willing to share such deep and intimate aspects of their lives, aspects that they usually keep to themselves.

These are difficult transformations indeed. So please don’t beat yourself up if you think your progress has been slow in the past. It takes a long-term investment in self-awareness and personal growth to work on these types of changes.

Moreover, we don’t just work through these transformations once – they come up multiple times as we go through life. There are many layers of acceptance, clarity, alignment, self-expression, and confidence to discover.

Time for a New Deep Dive

We’re going to work on these five transformations together in a new deep dive on character sculpting, which will launch on January 1st, 2020.

As usual there will be a significant discount during the launch week. This benefits my long-term blog readers and newsletter subscribers since they’re the ones who will learn about this first.

Our two previous deep dives (Deep Abundance Integration and Submersion) both saw several hundred people join during the first week, so I’d expect a similar sized group with this new one. That’s really good for the co-creative phase while the course is being developed since it gives me an abundance of quality feedback and suggestions. I don’t develop courses all alone and then surprise people with them. I personally create and record the lessons, but the topics are frequently based on questions and suggestions.

The main format of this course will be dozens of audio lessons, similar to Submersion. People really liked and appreciated that format since audio is so flexible and portable – you can listen while walking, driving, eating, etc – so we’re sticking with audio for this one.

I’ll share more details about this in the days ahead, so stay tuned…

In the meantime, if you want to be kept in the loop, make sure you’re signed up for my email newsletter. I normally don’t send many emails throughout the year, but I send plenty of invites and reminders during a launch week to give people ample opportunity to decide if they want to enroll while the launch discount is happening. This new deep dive will remain available indefinitely after the launch week, with a permanent presence in the Courses section, but after that first week, the launch discount will disappear, and the price will go up.

This is the first time we’ll be launching a new deep dive right at the start of a new year, which feels very aligned to me. I sense that a lot of people want the transition from 2019 to 2020 to invite some powerful personal shifts as well. Engaging in deep character transformation seems like a great way to start 2020 with abundant fierceness. 😉

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Creating the Peer Group I’ve Always Longed for

For more than a decade, I’ve tried in various ways to create the kind of conscious, growth-oriented community I envisioned being possible – a high-trust group of dozens (perhaps hundreds) of interesting, caring, ambitious, honorable, and creative people who’d love to connect with each other, share their paths of growth together, and basically encourage the heck out of each other every day. The idea is to have one unconditional support group for every type of personal growth challenge.

That’s the kind of group in which I feel most like me… a place where I can breathe… a place where everyone understands that we’re here to learn, grow, explore, and embrace the rich possibilities of existence.

I’ve belonged to some incredible growth-oriented groups over the years, such as Toastmasters, but I eventually moved on. Sometimes I just outgrew them. Other times I got bored with them because their focus was so narrow, and I wanted to shift my attention to other parts of life for a while. It’s always difficult to move on from an empowering peer group, knowing that I must do so in order to keep growing, even with the awareness that some great relationships will fade as a result. Those endings are always bittersweet. I get excited about the new path, but I still miss my friends from the old path.

Eventually I decided that I really want both. I want to be able to follow life’s many twists and turns while still being able to connect with a single, relatively stable peer group. I needed a peer group of like-minded people who are also dedicated to learning and growing across all areas of life, not just mono-focused on one.

I just can’t maintain decades of enthusiasm for a peer group that’s solely aligned around improving in one area, such as public speaking or entrepreneurship or marketing. Initially such groups are inspiring, but after a few years, I feel this mounting pressure to move on and explore elsewhere. And so I leave. And then I start again with a new inspiring group. And repeat. And I end up with a long trail of fascinating friends that I always miss.

Trying to maintain a strong social network one person at a time can be daunting as well. Good relationships with good people matter a lot to me. But trying to manage too many online connections via social media, email, phone calls, texting, Skype, and more is just so fragmented. Good relationships always fall through the cracks, and I can’t stay connected with all of the wonderful people I’d like to.

For many people the idea of connecting with interesting, ambitious, growth-oriented people every day seems extraordinary or unusual. Some can’t even fathom it, nor do they even understand why they’d want that. I think what scares some people is that when you have such a group, you feel a lot more accountable to doing your best, so you can feel worthy in that kind of peer group. In order to raise your social standards, you also have to raise your personal standards.

For me it’s just normal to have a strong peer group of growth-oriented friends. It’s been my reality for many years. I could move to a new city in a different country, and I’d get involved in such a group quickly. Sometimes that just happens automatically when traveling.

I recall many fond memories of an amazing 3-1/2 weeks in Bucharest in 2013 with a group of enthusiastic, growth-oriented friends, most of whom I’d just met when I got there. Even though I was just visiting friends and trying to be on vacation for a while, they convinced me to do a spontaneous live event with them while I was there. I kept saying no, and they kept moving it forward anyway, like they were just waiting for me to come around. I joked that the word “no” in English must somehow translate to “yes” in Romanian. But they completely out-goaled me, and we put on a delightful event for 50 people, giving them only 4 days advance notice that it was happening. We even had a few people attend from other countries, including Bulgaria and Denmark. I didn’t  know that kind of speed was possible since I’d always started planning live events many months in advance. It was a potent lesson about the power of alignment.

Around the end of 2016, I had one of those moments of clarity where I decided to do whatever it takes to make this idea of a stable group of growth-oriented friends. I thought about what it would really take to overcome this challenge that’s been a part of my life for so many years. It dawned on me that such a group needs to exist – not just for me but for all of the other people who will benefit from it. I kept getting tastes of what such a group could be like through a long string of related experiences going back at least 25 years, almost like I was being groomed to finally put the pieces together properly.

Despite getting aligned with the idea, it still took months to figure out how to actually make it real. I knew it should be an online community, so people could stay connected to the group no matter where they travel or move. And I knew it would have to be outside of the usual social media channels, so we could maintain a pure space that aligns with our values – no outside distractions or incompatible energies intruding.

In April 2017 I was finally able to make this social group a reality, when Conscious Growth Club opened for early access, and dozens of people joined in the first few days. It’s been going very well ever since, evolving a lot during the past two years both in terms of structure and organic elements.

I love being a member of this group myself, and I’m active in our private forum pretty much every day. It sometimes stuns me to think about how we’ll continue to connect, explore, and grow together over the next several years and beyond.

I know that some members will come and go over the years, but I also sense that we have a strong enough core group that intends to stick around and keep investing it, especially since they’re personally gaining a lot from it.

For the past two years, Conscious Growth Club has been evolving and growing, almost like it has a mind and an intentional energy of its own now. I often feel like it directs me rather than the other way around.

Genuine friendships have formed. Members are connecting with each other daily. There are frequent group video hangouts. There’s a lot of excitement about our future directions together, especially as more members are now signing up during the launch that’s happening now. It was a long learning process to reach this point, but the group works, and it’s sustainable. I expect that it will continue for decades to come. What it will look like it 10 or 20 years from now, I can’t say, but I’m delighted to witness its continued evolution.

There’s something about this goal that just seems like I had to do it personally, like I was supposed to do it. When I think of the wide variety of skills I needed to make this happen, it all seems so strange. The pieces fit together a little too well. The skills I had to lean on from my past include: a wide variety of tech skills, programming, writing, speaking, coaching, community management, marketing, networking, and even game design and improv. And then there’s having a direct communication pathway to a big enough group of the right people all around the world, which stemmed from years of blogging about personal growth.

When I think about all of the skills that had to be woven together to make this happen in just the right way… and all the other ways this could have failed to work… it all seems a bit magical sometimes. One side effect is that it encourages me to trust this universe even more. I sense there’s some kind of energy working in the background, and when I really tune into it by following the path that feels aligned to me, no matter how difficult or impossible it seems initially, somehow life just works really well.

One of the hardest things in life is learning how to grow beyond the misaligned, so we can experience real alignment. That requires a lot of letting go of the old and stale, so we can invite something fresh and new.

It was an especially powerful realization to learn that I really needed a peer group that I wouldn’t outgrow, and the only way to accomplish that would be to form a peer group based on growth-oriented people.

It’s actually similar to the same reason I started my personal growth business in 2004. I’d previously been running a computer games business since 1994, but after 10 years, I felt like I’d outgrown it, and I wanted to explore something new. But I didn’t like the idea of being a serial entrepreneur, always starting over from scratch in a new field. I wanted to figure out some kind of business that I could invest in for decades, so I could get really good at it and make a meaningful contribution to my field over time. That’s when I realized that if I made personal growth the core of my business, I could never outgrow it since I can’t outgrow growth. I could always keep it feeling fresh and new. That worked. I’m in my 15th year now and still going strong, and I feel no loss of motivation for continuing to work in this field. It feels like home to me, if only because it’s a home that’s always shifting and evolving and keeping me on my toes.

I’m really glad I didn’t settle, both socially and in business. That would have been easier in the short term but so much harder in the long term. Oddly, in some ways the long term is actually harder for me now since I feel this huge responsibility for this thriving community, but it’s a good kind of challenge because I feel super supported in following this path. It was a powerful lesson to realize how good it can feel to take on a tremendous responsibility when you also know that a lot of good friends have your back, and you have smart people to turn to whenever you need help.

I wrote this post spontaneously… just in stream of consciousness style, not even having breakfast yet. I’ve noticed that when I tend to trust that kind of inspiration, somehow it provides value for other people too, often in ways that are beautifully synchronous for them as well.

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Your Best Work

Do you have a job or career path that supports you in doing the best work of your life?

If I were to ask this of various people, some would laugh at the ridiculousness of this question because it’s a standard they’ve never come close to experiencing, so a jaded reply is all they can muster. If I ask certain friends who are very fulfilled by their work, their answers would be something like, “Of course… why would I tolerate any less?”

Consider that if you’re not aligned with this standard of doing your best work, then you’re currently tolerating a lesser standard. For some reason you’re currently okay with not doing your best work. Maybe that doesn’t sit well with you, but you’re still tolerating it.

Why is that? What’s stopping you from doing the best work of your life this month? Why not take on a project that requires the very best you have to offer?

If you do less than your best, you know that you aren’t playing the game of life very well, and that awareness haunts you, and it drags down your motivation and self-esteem.

You’ll likely avoid connecting with more ambitious people as well since you’ll probably feel uncomfortable being reminded that your standards are lower than they could be. If you stick with less ambitious friends, however, you’ll only reinforce the lower standards that keep you stuck. Low standards tend to encourage social cocooning and hiding.

Motivation for High Standards

Where does the motivation come from to maintain high standards then?

Maintaining high standards just for our own personal gratification is tough. It’s also tough to maintain false standards for other people, like pretending to care about issues that don’t align with our values. The sweet spot of motivation is when we can satisfy our most important values and also connect with people who truly care about those values too. This encourages us to maintain high standards because we’re immersed in a circle of caring. We care, and the people around us care.

So there are two parts to a pattern of highly engaged work that brings out your best. First, your work needs to align with your values. Choose projects that matter to you personally, so you’ll care about doing quality work. Second, you need people who will deeply appreciate your work. These people could consist of co-workers, clients, customers, family, or friends, as long as they appreciate and support you in doing your best work.

What if you can’t choose your own projects? Perhaps you’ve temporarily granted someone else the authority to assign work to you, but you retain the option to reclaim that authority whenever you want. You’re not powerless. You can renegotiate the arrangement to get your work aligned with what you really care about. Or you can switch to different work where you can find that alignment, which may involve switching jobs, teams, or companies.

If your boss doesn’t support you in doing your best work, admit that you hired a bad boss, and let that person go. A key reason for hiring a boss is to serve you in doing your best work, so don’t tolerate a boss who falls below this standard. At least talk to your boss, raise a discussion about how to do your very best work, and offer suggestions and guidance for how to make this a reality. Be committed to getting what you need. If your boss isn’t (1) motivated and (2) capable to help you do your best work, that boss needs to go. And if you choose to remain beyond that realization, you can’t possibly continue to blame your boss since you hired that person to begin with, and you can un-hire that person when you’re ready to commit yourself to real professional growth. People of high standards don’t tolerate low performing bosses. If you tolerate a low performing boss, you proclaim to all around you that you’re a low standards person.

What if you got yourself trapped in a situation where no aligned work is possible? Then chalk that up as a bad decision on your part, and lean into the challenging process of correcting that mistake. This is a common mistake indeed, often accompanied by difficult lessons, and it usually takes serious effort to unwind it. But you can unwind it, and it’s wise to do so. The worst thing you can do is keep investing in a misaligned path. Shifting directions will bring relief, even when you must take a step back financially and/or professionally to get unstuck. There’s no shame in taking a step back to adjust course; this is so much better than investing another year being loyal to low standards.

Quite often you won’t even be able to see an aligned path while you remain stuck pursuing a misaligned one. There are many reasons for that. One of the most significant reasons is that people who are doing aligned work won’t normally be interested in making offers to those who maintain lower standards. When you do misaligned work, what you may not realize is that you’re advertising to everyone else that you’re a low standards type of person, and high standards people are likely to avoid connecting with you. In other words, the cool people won’t invite you to be on their teams because you’re making yourself look like a bad investment.

Misaligned work drags down your energy, and people pick up on this. In fact it’s pretty obvious if you shift between circles of high standards and low standards people. People who are doing their best work tend to broadcast certain frequencies of emotional energy and enthusiasm. Those who aren’t aligned with such standards tend to broadcast some restlessness or discomfort with their work instead, often without being consciously aware of it.

You almost always have to say a genuine no to the misaligned path before life will show you what the aligned path looks like. Quit the old first. Then work on building the new. I know that seems scary sometimes, but it works. You’ll be surprised at how quickly your energy and self-esteem can pop back up once you leave misaligned work behind. Life tends to respect those who commit to keeping their work standards high.

Aligned Appreciation

It would be nice if this alone were enough, but it isn’t. The next major point of stuckness is when you gain the freedom to do aligned work but still don’t feel the drive and motivation to do your very best. This is especially common among people who quit unfulfilling jobs to do something independent. After the newness of the transition wears off, they’re struggling to be productive.

The issue here is that even though the work itself may feel aligned, there may not be a strong enough connection to the people who will most appreciate it.

Initially you may try sharing value with the people that are most accessible, but you’ll usually get a ho-hum response in return. Selling can feel especially difficult when you’re trying to sell to people who are only semi-aligned with what you’re doing, even if many of those people are generally supportive of you (like old friends and family).

This is a good time to pause and ask questions like these:

  • If I do my very best work, which people would deeply appreciate and value it?
  • If I do my very best work, which people will only semi-appreciate it?
  • How can I scare off the second group, so I can only deal with the first group?

I imagine that the first question sits well with you, but the third question probably seems a bit harsh. Why should you scare off people who will semi-appreciate your work? Can’t you serve them too? Isn’t it better to serve more people, even if some aren’t receiving 100% of the value?

I understand this type of reasoning. It seems reasonable to want to serve as many people as you can. Of course some people will deeply appreciate your work, and some will only semi-appreciate it. But there’s a serious risk if you try to serve both groups equally, and that risk is that your standards will drift downwards.

The people who semi-appreciate your work will likely to be the larger group. You’ll get more feedback from them over time than you will from the most aligned people. They’ll influence your standards more than any other group if you let them. This is true of semi-appreciative bosses, teams, friends, relatives, co-workers, customers, clients, etc. Semi-appreciative matches are more common than deeply appreciative ones.

Semi-appreciative ultimately means misaligned though, but the misalignments won’t all be in the same direction. In order to improve at serving the semi-appreciative people, you’ll have to make concessions in opposing directions. You’ll always be trying to balance degrading your service to some of them with upgrading your service to others. The realization that it’s impossible to really please this group will degrade your own alignment with your work. You can’t powerfully serve the semi-appreciative group and still do your best work. By definition if you do your best work, the semi-appreciative will only semi-appreciate it. Usually this leads to blocks like procrastination and perfectionism.

Being semi-appreciated is only semi-satisfying. If you try to achieve more satisfaction or appreciation from serving this group, you’ll have to do work that feels less aligned, but that won’t satisfy you internally. There’s no way to win with this approach. At best you’ll have to disconnect from caring about serving these people and just do your own thing regardless of how they feel. But wouldn’t it be better if you could have both: inner alignment with your values and deep appreciation from the people you serve?

That’s possible, but in order to get there, you’ll want to focus on serving the most aligned people. When you do your best work, those people are delighted. However, you’ll get more feedback from the semi-appreciative, and they won’t be fully pleased with your best work, so they’ll suggest lots of conflicting changes in different directions. They’ll invite you to become someone you’d rather not become. And you’ll be tempted to serve them because there are more of them, and their feedback is the most frequent. If you prioritize numbers over alignment, you’ll automatically drift away from doing your best work. How many times have we seen this pattern play out in creative fields?

Instead of trying to serve the semi-appreciative outright, it’s easier and more fulfilling in the long run if you make it clear that you’re not going to adapt to serving them. This may seem like a bad idea at first, but the positive side effect is that when you demonstrate that you’re not aligned with serving the semi-appreciative, you’ll demonstrate that you’re an even better match for the deeply appreciative.

By making a bigger commitment to doing your best work, you may repel some semi-appreciative folks, but you’ll become that much more attractive to the deeply appreciative. This will make it easier for the most aligned people to recognize you as someone rare and special. It will help them feel more excited about investing in a long-term professional relationship with you. Quality invitations and opportunities will flow through them. You’ll also see more referrals from these deeply appreciative people.

Over time this will change the flavor of your life and work. The semi-appreciative may still engage with you, but they won’t be as front and center as before. Their presence will tend to recede into the background, crowded out by lots of highly engaged and deeply appreciative people. You won’t feel motivated to connect as much with the semi-appreciative when your life is rich in people who deeply appreciate your work. Most of your creative energy will flow into serving the deeply appreciative.

You won’t necessarily need a huge volume of deeply appreciative people, although this depends on what kind of work you do. Even if you only have a few people who deeply appreciate your best work, like a few co-workers or team members, that can make all the difference in the world. How many people would you really need to sustain yourself professionally?

Maybe you could even have a great career serving just one person – if it was the right person who had the motivation and the means to fully support you professionally. If you only served one person on earth in the most powerful and aligned way you could, who would that person be? If you can gain some clarity on that answer, it may help you identify a larger group of people who’d deeply appreciate your work as well.

All else being equal, would you rather serve the people who will deeply appreciate your work, or would you rather serve those who won’t? Do you really think you’ll do the best work of your life without the flow of that appreciation? If so, how’s that mindset working for you so far?

Saying No Before Finding the Yes

How do you reach the point of aligning your work with your values and serving the most appreciative people? Usually this involves saying no to the misaligned and the semi-appreciative. Stop capitulating to misaligned invitations. Stop trying so hard to please and satisfy the semi-appreciative.

If you have an offer to do something that won’t bring out your very best work, decline that offer. But also learn from that offer. What was misaligned about it? What would a better offer look like?

Tolerating lower standards isn’t a path to higher standards. So think about becoming less tolerant of the misaligned. This will reclaim some wasted energy that you can reinvest in a more aligned path. A common complaint from those who are doing misaligned work is that they don’t have the time and energy to pursue anything better. Of course they don’t – their time and energy is being drained away. It’s wise to plug that drain first, and then the energy and motivation can start to rise.

There are consequences when you shift directions, but the consequences of staying stuck are generally much worse. You may have some bills that go unpaid for a while, which is really no big deal in the grand scheme of life. A difficult transition is still a transition. What matters is simply that you make it happen. It doesn’t have to be pretty.

I’m not suggesting that you adopt a “screw the world for not appreciating me” attitude and just do your own thing regardless of what people think. We live in a social world, and we depend on each other. I invite you to engage with the world, not to retreat from it. No one engages with everyone on earth; we all engage with subsets of humanity. Which subset would most appreciate the work you could do? Which subset would you be delighted to serve?

If you find a subset of humanity that deeply appreciates your best work, that’s a good arrangement for you and for the people you serve. But it’s also good for the semi-appreciative and others who may seem less aligned with your work. By setting a high standard for serving the most aligned and focusing on them first and foremost, you’ll still serve many of the semi-aligned anyway. Moreover, you’ll be setting a positive example that will encourage others to raise their standards as well. This is generally good for all of us. We’ll all benefit from seeing more people doing their best work in the world, even if their specific work doesn’t inspire us personally.

Have you ever felt elevated and inspired by a world class performer in a different field than you’d ever pursue? Can you still appreciate and respect when someone does their best work, even if it doesn’t completely align with your values and preferences? If you follow the path of doing your own best work, you’ll elevate and inspire many more people along the way, including people in different fields. But if you hold back and tolerate misalignment instead, you may long regret that you missed out on a deeper level of fulfillment, despite many invitations from life to play in a bigger game. In the long run, the difficult alignment work is worth the effort, especially when you consider the types of ripples you’ll create either way.

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