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For some people it seems unfathomable to invest such an amount on a one-year membership to an online personal growth program. Seriously… you should see some of the reactions people are having to the Facebook and Instagram ads I’ve been running for the past few days to promote the launch. Those ads are actually doing well, and we’ve gained many great members in the past few days, but sharing such an invitation with a wide audience sure does unearth a plethora of limiting beliefs and irrational assumptions. So I’d like to address that since I know the price is a sticking point for many people.
Of course the exterior perspective looking in is often very different than the interior perspective looking out. I actually see my past self in a lot of those limiting beliefs, back when I had no clue about what such groups were really like on the inside.
I’ve personally been a paid member of private groups that range in cost from $2K to $30K per year, and all of them have been worthwhile. The first one I joined was in 2009, and as you might imagine, it was a stretch experience to spend that kind of money. But having done this multiple times now, I always felt like I got my money’s worth and then some.
These experiences helped inspire me to create and launch Conscious Growth Club, which has been going since April 2017. We have more than 100 paying members, so there are indeed plenty of people who like the idea enough to join, more than enough to make the group viable, sustainable, and abundant on the inside. (You can see the current member count at the top of the invitation page if you’d like. It increases whenever someone joins.)
Let me share a bit of the interior perspective, in the simple form of a bullet list. By the time you read to the bottom, you should have a better idea of why people actually do this sort of thing, including me.
Why would 100+ people pay $2K per year to join Conscious Growth Club?
The exterior perspective is that you’d have to be crazy to do this. The interior perspective is that you’d have to be crazy not to. That’s basically why the border is hard to cross. The first time is the hardest, and after that it’s a lot easier because then you know what it’s like.
It’s not the price that matters per se. It’s the value derived from belonging to such a group, and that value can be tremendous.
What’s really interesting is that the objections to being in such a group are usually irrational. They’ll seem like rational objections at first, but it’s really your emotional brain fooling you.
Many people see the investment as an unfathomably big expense, yet they actually could afford it if they wanted to. And even if they couldn’t do so right away, the challenge of coming up with an extra $2K is an interesting one. It’s a solvable problem. It may take some creativity, but even children have been able to solve that type of problem if they’re motivated enough. If a highly motivated child could do it, why not an intelligent adult? In some ways it’s harder for the adult because their mental baggage makes it harder than necessary. It probably won’t surprise you to know that on the inside of such a group, you’ll find a lot of people who are willing to let go of their mental baggage and start blowing past their previous limitations. That’s how they were able to get themselves to join.
I share this from personal experience because I had much the same limiting beliefs about these types of experiences as anyone else. I had my financial comfort zone, and I stayed within its boundaries. But then I started getting some invitations that challenged me to question those boundaries.
People see that price tag as a big, scary risk. It feels unsafe. And yeah, it is a bit of a risk, but there’s an even bigger risk to assess. Considering the full breadth and depth of benefits that can (rather predictably) arise from belonging to a motivated and committed group of people, isn’t it a much bigger long-term risk to never test this? Wouldn’t it be wise to test it at least a few times, just to be sure? That’s how I framed it – what if a group like this is even more amazing and beneficial than I imagine on the inside, and I never allowed myself to have that experience in my entire life? I figured that if I took the risk and it didn’t pan out, oh well, I could always earn more money. It would be a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of my life. But what if it did pan out? What if the potential gain turned out to be one of the best bets and biggest wins of my whole life?
After all, it’s fairly predictable that if you were to join a group like this, you’re going to get lots of value out of it. And that’s because you’ll do your part to make damned well sure that you do. You wouldn’t let yourself waste that kind of money. You’ll push yourself to extract the value, if only because you don’t want to look like an idiot for making a bad decision. So you’re going to do what it takes to get your money’s worth. That’s always been true for me when I’ve joined such groups. I realized that if I’m going to do this, I’d better be all-in with it and do what it takes to extract the value. Otherwise I’m going to look really foolish. Believe it or not, this is actually good motivation for getting the value. We’ll often work harder to avoid looking like a fool than we will to look like a genius. In this case the risk of loss is your friend, as weird as that may seem.
I almost didn’t join an amazing group a few years ago because I thought it wouldn’t be good timing for me. But that was actually another irrational objection, as I soon realized after pondering it more deeply. When I was invited to join, the timing wasn’t great because I had a lot of things going on at the time, but beyond that the timing was actually decent because I could always dive into it when I was ready, and I could still get plenty of value from the one-year membership even if I was only going to get 10-11 months worth. I’m really glad I didn’t miss out on that whole year just because I wasn’t going to be as available for the first month.
When is the timing ever going to feel right when you’re making the decision to create a major discontinuity in your path? Joining a group like this can feel like taking a hard turn – most likely an amazingly beneficial one – but where on your calendar have you made space for such a thing? In other to really think about this rationally, you must recognize and accept that the timing for a decision of this nature is most likely never going to feel like it fits all that well. If it does fit perfectly into your life, that’s unusual. Most people have to do whatever it takes to make it fit, as opposed to having it feel like a natural fit as soon as the invitation comes up.
In terms of making the decision to join Conscious Growth Club, I encourage you to think about the decision rationally, especially when it comes to the cost-benefit calculation. For many people, the price really isn’t such a big deal as they initially make it out to be. It feels like a big deal emotionally at first – I get that – but how does it look when you consider the big picture from a more rational perspective? Is it really such a huge expense relative to the potential gains you’ll invite into your life? Could the value be worth it to you?
That’s how I made the decision to start buying into such groups. Initially my emotional brain exploded with objections, and I almost got stuck there. Then I actually wrote down those objections and began analyzing them with my best logical thinking. I realized that if I was in a group of 100+ people who’d all paid the same amount, it was highly likely I’d get my money’s worth and then some. I knew I’d participate and make an effort, and so would the other members most likely. I knew I’d be in a group of smart people who were willing to risk some cash for the chance to team up and help each other make real progress. We’d all be on the same side, all wanting to help each other get the value we were paying for. We’d be so committed that we’d co-create the experience. Even if the program itself was only so-so, the kinds of motivated people it attracted would step up and help each other get results. The math added up. And really when I joined and reached the other side, my calculations were validated. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised that I’d vastly underestimated the full range of benefits. Hence the bullet list I shared above, which covers a lot but not even all of them.
So I encourage you to do the same. This isn’t really an emotional choice. There’s actually a very rational assessment to be made in order to make an intelligent decision. And because of the rationality it takes to join this kind of group, what you’ll find on the inside of such a group are lots of very grounded, rationally minded people. They’re enthusiastic and motivated of course, but they’re also sharp, intelligent, and down-to-earth.
You see… the $2K price for Conscious Growth Club is actually something of a rationality filter. People who can’t get past their emotional blocks aren’t going to join. They’ll get hung up on some reflexive objection like I can’t afford it or it’s not good timing. But those who can calm themselves and look at the big picture are more likely to determine that joining a group like this is a good bet with a positive expected value.
Just look around at other forms of social media these days. Haven’t you noticed that there’s been a brain drain from these services since you first joined them?
I remember when Google+ first launched some years ago. I was an early adopter and signed up right away. I actually liked it because the people I encountered there seemed very bright, especially compared to what I saw on Facebook and Twitter. But the Google+ community gradually died off, and Google finally shut it down. In the rest of the social media world, it’s been feeling like we’re stuck in a race to the bottom. They’re good places for interacting in quantity, but are there lots of quality interactions focused on making real progress towards full self-actualization? Not so much…
More and more, what I’ve found is that the smart, successful, and ambitious people are flowing into paid, private communities to connect with each other away from the constant noise and drama of social media. It’s in these private communities that people genuinely help each other to make intelligent progress. Such communities favor quality over quantity, and this is perhaps the main reason they pay off so well.
I’m not saying there aren’t good free communities out there – we hosted a large one several years ago – but they seem increasingly rare these days. By pushing for quantity over quality, these services just don’t provide very good value for smart, ambitious, growth-oriented people. They’re more likely to distract you from focusing on your goals and making real progress. This is partly why I’ve been seen paid community participation on the rise – and also why I created one.
Conscious Growth Club can’t compete with what Facebook and Instagram provides in terms of quantity, but we can and do absolutely, positively blow them away in terms of quality. Seriously, even our cat pics are better. 😉
When I ask most reasonably intelligent people, “Do you still see yourself being active on Facebook 5 years from now?” I can never seem to get a yes. Well, those who use it for business will often say yes, but not those who use it on the personal side. If you’d rather not be on Facebook for the rest of your life, then what other doors are open to you. I can think of one…
Join us or don’t join us. There are no fence sitters inside the group.
Our enrollment period for 2019 ends at midnight Pacific time on May 1st, so if you’re going to join us, please do so soon. There’s something of a welcoming party for all the new members happening inside the group right now. 🙂
For more than a decade, I’ve tried in various ways to create the kind of conscious, growth-oriented community I envisioned being possible – a high-trust group of dozens (perhaps hundreds) of interesting, caring, ambitious, honorable, and creative people who’d love to connect with each other, share their paths of growth together, and basically encourage the heck out of each other every day. The idea is to have one unconditional support group for every type of personal growth challenge.
That’s the kind of group in which I feel most like me… a place where I can breathe… a place where everyone understands that we’re here to learn, grow, explore, and embrace the rich possibilities of existence.
I’ve belonged to some incredible growth-oriented groups over the years, such as Toastmasters, but I eventually moved on. Sometimes I just outgrew them. Other times I got bored with them because their focus was so narrow, and I wanted to shift my attention to other parts of life for a while. It’s always difficult to move on from an empowering peer group, knowing that I must do so in order to keep growing, even with the awareness that some great relationships will fade as a result. Those endings are always bittersweet. I get excited about the new path, but I still miss my friends from the old path.
Eventually I decided that I really want both. I want to be able to follow life’s many twists and turns while still being able to connect with a single, relatively stable peer group. I needed a peer group of like-minded people who are also dedicated to learning and growing across all areas of life, not just mono-focused on one.
I just can’t maintain decades of enthusiasm for a peer group that’s solely aligned around improving in one area, such as public speaking or entrepreneurship or marketing. Initially such groups are inspiring, but after a few years, I feel this mounting pressure to move on and explore elsewhere. And so I leave. And then I start again with a new inspiring group. And repeat. And I end up with a long trail of fascinating friends that I always miss.
Trying to maintain a strong social network one person at a time can be daunting as well. Good relationships with good people matter a lot to me. But trying to manage too many online connections via social media, email, phone calls, texting, Skype, and more is just so fragmented. Good relationships always fall through the cracks, and I can’t stay connected with all of the wonderful people I’d like to.
For many people the idea of connecting with interesting, ambitious, growth-oriented people every day seems extraordinary or unusual. Some can’t even fathom it, nor do they even understand why they’d want that. I think what scares some people is that when you have such a group, you feel a lot more accountable to doing your best, so you can feel worthy in that kind of peer group. In order to raise your social standards, you also have to raise your personal standards.
For me it’s just normal to have a strong peer group of growth-oriented friends. It’s been my reality for many years. I could move to a new city in a different country, and I’d get involved in such a group quickly. Sometimes that just happens automatically when traveling.
I recall many fond memories of an amazing 3-1/2 weeks in Bucharest in 2013 with a group of enthusiastic, growth-oriented friends, most of whom I’d just met when I got there. Even though I was just visiting friends and trying to be on vacation for a while, they convinced me to do a spontaneous live event with them while I was there. I kept saying no, and they kept moving it forward anyway, like they were just waiting for me to come around. I joked that the word “no” in English must somehow translate to “yes” in Romanian. But they completely out-goaled me, and we put on a delightful event for 50 people, giving them only 4 days advance notice that it was happening. We even had a few people attend from other countries, including Bulgaria and Denmark. I didn’t know that kind of speed was possible since I’d always started planning live events many months in advance. It was a potent lesson about the power of alignment.
Around the end of 2016, I had one of those moments of clarity where I decided to do whatever it takes to make this idea of a stable group of growth-oriented friends. I thought about what it would really take to overcome this challenge that’s been a part of my life for so many years. It dawned on me that such a group needs to exist – not just for me but for all of the other people who will benefit from it. I kept getting tastes of what such a group could be like through a long string of related experiences going back at least 25 years, almost like I was being groomed to finally put the pieces together properly.
Despite getting aligned with the idea, it still took months to figure out how to actually make it real. I knew it should be an online community, so people could stay connected to the group no matter where they travel or move. And I knew it would have to be outside of the usual social media channels, so we could maintain a pure space that aligns with our values – no outside distractions or incompatible energies intruding.
In April 2017 I was finally able to make this social group a reality, when Conscious Growth Club opened for early access, and dozens of people joined in the first few days. It’s been going very well ever since, evolving a lot during the past two years both in terms of structure and organic elements.
I love being a member of this group myself, and I’m active in our private forum pretty much every day. It sometimes stuns me to think about how we’ll continue to connect, explore, and grow together over the next several years and beyond.
I know that some members will come and go over the years, but I also sense that we have a strong enough core group that intends to stick around and keep investing it, especially since they’re personally gaining a lot from it.
For the past two years, Conscious Growth Club has been evolving and growing, almost like it has a mind and an intentional energy of its own now. I often feel like it directs me rather than the other way around.
Genuine friendships have formed. Members are connecting with each other daily. There are frequent group video hangouts. There’s a lot of excitement about our future directions together, especially as more members are now signing up during the launch that’s happening now. It was a long learning process to reach this point, but the group works, and it’s sustainable. I expect that it will continue for decades to come. What it will look like it 10 or 20 years from now, I can’t say, but I’m delighted to witness its continued evolution.
There’s something about this goal that just seems like I had to do it personally, like I was supposed to do it. When I think of the wide variety of skills I needed to make this happen, it all seems so strange. The pieces fit together a little too well. The skills I had to lean on from my past include: a wide variety of tech skills, programming, writing, speaking, coaching, community management, marketing, networking, and even game design and improv. And then there’s having a direct communication pathway to a big enough group of the right people all around the world, which stemmed from years of blogging about personal growth.
When I think about all of the skills that had to be woven together to make this happen in just the right way… and all the other ways this could have failed to work… it all seems a bit magical sometimes. One side effect is that it encourages me to trust this universe even more. I sense there’s some kind of energy working in the background, and when I really tune into it by following the path that feels aligned to me, no matter how difficult or impossible it seems initially, somehow life just works really well.
One of the hardest things in life is learning how to grow beyond the misaligned, so we can experience real alignment. That requires a lot of letting go of the old and stale, so we can invite something fresh and new.
It was an especially powerful realization to learn that I really needed a peer group that I wouldn’t outgrow, and the only way to accomplish that would be to form a peer group based on growth-oriented people.
It’s actually similar to the same reason I started my personal growth business in 2004. I’d previously been running a computer games business since 1994, but after 10 years, I felt like I’d outgrown it, and I wanted to explore something new. But I didn’t like the idea of being a serial entrepreneur, always starting over from scratch in a new field. I wanted to figure out some kind of business that I could invest in for decades, so I could get really good at it and make a meaningful contribution to my field over time. That’s when I realized that if I made personal growth the core of my business, I could never outgrow it since I can’t outgrow growth. I could always keep it feeling fresh and new. That worked. I’m in my 15th year now and still going strong, and I feel no loss of motivation for continuing to work in this field. It feels like home to me, if only because it’s a home that’s always shifting and evolving and keeping me on my toes.
I’m really glad I didn’t settle, both socially and in business. That would have been easier in the short term but so much harder in the long term. Oddly, in some ways the long term is actually harder for me now since I feel this huge responsibility for this thriving community, but it’s a good kind of challenge because I feel super supported in following this path. It was a powerful lesson to realize how good it can feel to take on a tremendous responsibility when you also know that a lot of good friends have your back, and you have smart people to turn to whenever you need help.
I wrote this post spontaneously… just in stream of consciousness style, not even having breakfast yet. I’ve noticed that when I tend to trust that kind of inspiration, somehow it provides value for other people too, often in ways that are beautifully synchronous for them as well.
I remember years ago when interest in lifestyle design was surging. Many people were escaping their 9-5 jobs, becoming digital nomads, traveling extensively, exploring open relationships, embracing wild adventures, and stretching the limits of what they could do with their lifestyles.
Some people thrived in those explorations while others quickly burned out. Many who went this route seemed to get a tremendous amount of value from it initially, but soon they began feeling that something was missing.
The results people shared were all over the place, but few people regretted this type of exploration. They usually learned a lot about themselves, and eventually the path was pointing them in a different direction. Soaking up more lifestyle adventures became less important after a while. That was still present for many people, but it wasn’t the most important aspect of life to them anymore.
Many turned in different directions. Some wanted to explore spirituality more deeply. Others wanted more depth in their relationships. Still others wanted to make a mark on the world in a meaningful way.
I’d say that the common pattern was that these people wanted more depth. Up-leveling your lifestyle can be fun for a while, but it tends to feel shallow and repetitive if that’s your primary focus. Even though it can seem really exciting to soak up lots of experiences, in a way it’s like social media applied to the real world. There’s a tendency to get swept up in consumption. Instead of consuming through devices, you head out into the world and consume in-person experiences. Either way, if you overplay the consumption card, life can feel pretty hollow after a while, and you’re likely to crave more depth. You may even begin to dread the lifestyle experiences you once craved because you’ve learned that those experiences won’t fill you up inside.
The way many people approach lifestyle design is often about breadth rather than depth. Add new experiences. Meet new people. Travel to new places. Rinse and repeat.
There’s nothing wrong with this. Breadth is great. But if that’s all you have, most likely you’ll be craving more depth – in your experiences, in your relationships, and in your work.
And of course you don’t need to go the lifestyle design route first in order to crave more depth in life. Perhaps you’ve intuitively recognized that lifestyle changes are unlikely to sufficiently address the depth problem.
Think like an investor. Depth takes time and patience. It requires consistency and clear decisions. It aligns with many of the same qualities that work for investing.
If you want more depth, think about where you’re willing to invest. Where are you willing to plant some roots? In which ares of life are you willing to nurture investments over a long period of time?
Here are some areas of life where people experience depth:
I encourage you to create your own list, and make it more specific. What gives you the experience of depth?
I experience a lot of depth from my creative work. Writing a new article can give me that experience, especially if it helps me think more deeply about a topic. I know that when I’m craving a deeper experience, writing is one way to get there. Publishing what I write can also be a pathway to connecting with people more deeply when they resonate with the work.
Another way I experience depth is through certain forms of exercise like running. Going for a morning run helps me feel connected to the earth, to nature, and to my body. If I try a new type of exercise, I usually don’t experience the same level of depth. But since I’ve been running for decades, that investment takes me deeper into a feeling of connectedness, including with my own past.
I also experience greater feelings of depth when I invest in connecting with people who care about what I care about. If I spend time with people who have priorities that don’t resonate with me as much, the experience tends to feel less investment-worthy and more like a one-off experience, even if the interactions are pleasant.
Addictions and other unwanted behaviors can serve as substitutes for depth. A long-term addiction is still an investment. Some people invest in substances or habits that may have negative side effects, but this may still provide a sense of connecting to something deeper, especially relative to other areas of life where long-term investments aren’t being made to the same extent.
If you think like an investor when it comes to depth, you can apply the practice of rebalancing your portfolio to life decisions as well. Notice which investments are giving you good returns and which aren’t. Consider the riskiness of each investment too. Which investments are paying off consistently, and which are hit and miss? Then consider how you’d like to rebalance your investments going forward. Shift time and energy from weak investments to other investments where you see more potential.
Where are you over-investing? Where are you putting in a lot of time and energy, but you aren’t experiencing much depth, fulfillment, and long-term satisfaction in return? Where do you need to withdraw some time and energy and maintain stronger boundaries?
Where are you under-investing? Which areas of life have you been neglecting, denying yourself the long-term, accumulated benefits?
Take a look at your habits, relationships, tech usage, career path, and more. Is the depth where you want it to be? Is the long-term payoff satisfying?
The market shows commercial investors the results of their decisions. Similarly, your inner experience of depth tells you the results of your personal investment decisions. Accept this as valuable feedback. Blaming life for unwanted results is akin to blaming the market – tempting at times although not particularly helpful as part of an intelligent investment strategy. If you want better results, you’ll need to make different decisions. The feedback is always there. It’s up to you to listen to it.
Don’t beat yourself up for past decisions either, again because it’s not helpful. The feedback is there to serve you, not to beat you down. Use the feedback you receive to improve your current decisions. If a certain path isn’t producing the depth you’d like despite a serious investment, try a different path. As with commercial investing, it often takes years to find the right investment vehicles that will work for you.
Among my most growth-oriented friends, one pattern seems pretty clear: Those who invest in depth tend to be a lot happier and more satisfied with their lives as they get older.
When I see friends in their 70s and beyond who are happy and fulfilled, I pay attention to what fuels their sense of depth. In each case they’re getting the payoff from some form of investment. For some it’s engaging in creative work and contribution. For others it’s the decades-long friendships they’ve maintained. For still others it’s their investment in family. Many benefit from multiple investments across these areas, but even one close friendship can create that effect.
Lifestyle design often focuses on quantity – more experiences, more travel, more hacks. But depth tends to come from quality more than quantity, and sometimes it’s easier to create depth with less. A few good friends, a solid creative outlet, a deep relationship – even just one of those can serve as a wellspring of connectedness for decades. Now combine such depth with the breadth of an engaging lifestyle, and you’ll have the best of both worlds.
Where will you invest in creating the long-term experience of depth and connectedness that help you feel truly at home here? How do you need to rebalance your current investments?
