Category Archives: experts

Does ‘Vabbing’ Actually Make You Irresistible To Men? I Asked A Sexologist

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Ever heard of vabbing? No?

Well, nor had I until this morning (how I cherish my life before then).

Turns out the phrase refers to a social media phenomenon (it would be inaccurate to call it a trend, as most people seem appalled by it) that involves wiping vaginal secretions on your pulse points. Yes, really.

In a now-deleted TikTok video, a site user said: “I swear if you vab, you will attract people, like a date, a one-night stand. Or you’ll just get free drinks all night.”

“Elle Woods should have been teaching vabbing instead of the bend and snap – it’s more effective,” the TikToker added.

It’s important to stress that the practice, which is a portmanteau of “vagina” and “dabbing”, really hasn’t taken off – it seems to be more of a point of viral outrage than an actual trend.

Still, I thought I’d speak to sexologist, therapist, and author at Passionerad Sofie Roos about whether the original controversial clip had any merit whatsoever.

And?

Kind of, but not really, the expert said.

“A study published in 2020 found that heterosexual men can smell women’s sexual arousal, and one part of that is the vaginal secretions, especially the lubrication that’s produced when [women are] turned on,” the sexologist explained.

So, there might be a real appeal in the scent – but not in the context of “vabbing,” Roos reckons.

“Research published in Science Direct 2006 finds that female pheromones are very dependent on the social context to work, so wearing vaginal secretions as a perfume in any not-so-sexually-loaded situation will most likely have a disgusting effect,” she shared.

“In my opinion… it’s better to use a good-smelling perfume of high quality” if you want to attract a date, Roos continued.

Smelling of, er, secretions is just “unhygienic” in the wrong context.

Pheromones may actually matter, though

Obviously, there’s no need to “vab.” But speaking to TIME, Noam Sobel, a professor in neurobiology and smell expert, said that our partner’s BO might have more of a say in how much we fancy them than we realise.

“The underlying theory is that you somehow select immune compatibility in a mate” through scent, he told the publication.

Still, Gary Beauchamp, president of the Monell Chemical Senses Centre, told TIME that it’s hard to work out how much, say, sweat actually influences our attraction.

“There are so many things going on with humans, in terms of how you select somebody you want to be with or get married to or have children with… isolating the odour part to it has been very, very difficult.”

It’s far safer to bet that doing something like “vabbing” is a turn-off, don’t you think?

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You Ask, Experts Answer: ‘How Do I Turn Down A Promotion?’

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Gen Z isn’t keen on middle management gigs, Forbes says – a phenomenon it calls “conscious unbossing”.

For more and more young people, the publication explains, the added stress, hours, and responsibility aren’t worth what is all too often a meagre pay rise.

A Reddit post shared to r/work suggests the (quite sound) logic isn’t just a generational thing, either.

Poster u/city-lights77 wanted to know how they should politely say they are not interested in a promotion they’ve been told they need to “fight for”.

They explained that their manager is looking to fill a departing colleague’s role and had offered the job to them (even though they had not applied for it) but only on the grounds that they “proved” themselves.

“Frankly, I’m not interested in the slightest. I don’t want the job, and the menial pay raise (less than £3k a year) wouldn’t be nearly worth the added stress that I know accompanies the job,” the site user said.

Well, u/city-lights77, we’ve got your back ― we spoke to Dr Heather Lamb, a workplace wellbeing expert, about how to handle the situation.

How can I tell when to turn a promotion down?

If you’re worried that turning down a promotion might make you seem unambitious in the eyes of your boss, Dr Lamb says you shouldn’t be.

“Saying no to a promotion that doesn’t align with your values, your wallet, or your life? That’s not a lack of ambition. That’s wisdom,” she said.

And if you’re not sure whether the career boost will actually lead you in the right direction, she said there’s a simple measure.

“A promotion should be a win, not just more work with a fancy title,” the expert told HuffPost UK.

“If saying ‘yes’ means more stress, longer hours, and little to no financial gain, then it’s okay to take a step back and ask, ‘Is this worth it?’.”

How do I reject a promotion without burning professional bridges at my workplace?

The other worry is that you might come across as uninterested in your job, or disrespectful of your boss’ offer.

To “clearly and graciously” share your feelings without shutting any doors, Dr Lamb has offered a helpful script: “I’m so appreciative of this opportunity, and I appreciate the confidence you have in me. Right now, I’m trying to make sure my next career step is the right one – professionally and financially. I’d like to keep the door open for the perfect opportunity in the future.’”

She said: “That way, you’re not shutting anything down — you’re just setting your own terms. And that, my friend, is power.”

By thanking your boss and reaffirming your commitment to your career, the pro said you can keep the possibility of future advancement “on your terms”.

“The right opportunity will arise, and when it does, you will know that it is truly a step ahead,” she added.

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