Category Archives: Mental Health

It’s Not Your Imagination: Brits Haven’t Been This Unhappy In Over A Decade

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After Brexit, Covid, and now a cost of living crisis, this perhaps won’t be surprising to hear but as a nation, we’re not doing so well when it comes to happiness.

In fact, according to the LifeSearch Health, Wealth, and Happiness report, 25% of us are less happy today than we were a year ago – this level of unhappiness has not been reported in over a decade.

It does make sense given the turmoil we’ve faced over these years but a huge reason is also the loneliness many of us have faced since the start of the pandemic. In fact, one million people are feeling lonelier now than they were pre-pandemic and according to the report, 4.2 million Brits state that they have no friends at all.

Bestie Britain

So, it’s not all bad news, one in two Brits has somebody they’d describe as their best friend with 61% of women saying they do and 50% of men. Those that have best friends on average feel significantly happier 61% than the national average of just 26% of people.

However, outside of these besties, many of us don’t have more close friends or even people we’d consider friends at-all. 36% of us wish that we were closer to our mates with half that wished they were closer admitting they’re feeling less happy than they were a year ago.

There’s no way to avoid, even as the world begins to recover from the years that have passed, the fact that our social lives took a serious hit during Covid-19 and for many of us, the world still feels strange. Additionally, last year it was reported that one in three Brits had fallen out with friends or relatives due to the pressures of the pandemic.

All of this paints a worrying picture of our overall wellbeing as a nation at a time when being closer together is increasingly important.

How to make friends as an adult

This is something that can feel incredibly awkward, especially as an adult but if the Health, Wealth, and Happiness Report is anything to go by, a lot of us are in the same boat and looking to connect with the people around us as well as new potential friends.

Emma Walker, the Chief Growth Officer at LifeSearch who commissioned the study said: “Maybe it’s the nature of our busy lives or an impact of the pandemic lockdowns, but many Brits admit to not seeing their mates as much as they like and wish they had closer bonds.

“It may be no surprise to see in our Health, Wealth & Happiness study the correlation that the nation’s happiness is at its lowest point today in over a decade too. Making time and effort to build and nurture friendships could be the key to improving our happiness again.”

According to Self, some of the best ways to make friends as an adult are:

  • Find a way to meet people who share the same interests or hobbies
  • Try to look and be approachable as a person – put your phone away now and then!
  • Have a positive attitude when meeting new people
  • Invite somebody you met and liked in a group setting to hang out one-on-one
  • Consider turning your work friends into real friends
  • Tell people you enjoy their company!

Of course, it’s also worth nourishing the relationships that you already have by making plans, sharing new information or anecdotes about shared interests or even simply telling them that you’d like to spend time with them more often.

Most of all, know that you’re not alone in this and many people feel exactly the same way.

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Next Time You Make A Negative Comment About Your Kid, Remember The 3-1 Ratio

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Having good self-esteem is so important for our mental health – and with social media being exceptionally popular now, it can feel harder than ever to keep our kids feeling confident about themselves and their bodies.

Self-esteem is how a person feels about themselves. According to the charity Young Minds, most children will have dips in self-esteem as they go through different stages or challenges in life, such as bullying or sitting exams.

And as parents, it can be tough to know what to do to help them through these dips in how they feel about, and view, themselves.

Signs of low self-esteem in children

According to the mental health charity, children and young people with low self-esteem might regularly:

  • have a negative image of themselves
  • lack confidence
  • find it hard to make and keep friendships
  • feel lonely and isolated
  • tend to avoid new things and find change hard
  • can’t deal well with failure
  • tend to put themselves down
  • are not proud of what they achieve
  • always think they could have done better
  • are constantly comparing themselves to their peers in a negative way.

Thankfully there are some relatively easy ways we, as parents, can help boost our children’s self-esteem.

Apply the 3-1 ratio to everyday life

It’s pretty hard to never utter a negative comment to your child (especially when you’ve reached the end of your tether and they’ve been pushing your buttons all day).

According to Big Life Journal, a popular Instagram account offering parenting advice, for every negative comment you make about your child, you should then balance it out with three positive ones.

So, for example, if your child spilled a drink everywhere and you reacted with: “I can’t believe you did that. Why can’t you just hold your cup?”

The experts behind the account advise following up with at least three positive comments to your child that day. So things like: “I noticed you shared with your brother, thank you” or “thank you for putting your jumper away”.

“Scientists discovered that it takes three positive experiences to offset one negative experience,” they wrote in an Instagram post.

“Your child’s brain is wired to remember and focus on negative comments. So, to build your child’s self-esteem, apply this 3-1 ratio.”

Other ways to boost self-esteem, according to Young Minds, include:

  • Let them know you value effort rather than perfection
  • Encourage them to try new challenges
  • Encourage them to voice their opinions and ideas
  • Ask them about three good things that went well during their day
  • Acknowledge how they feel and help them to express this in words
  • Spend quality time together doing things they enjoy.
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‘My Body Is Craving A Break’: This Is What It Feels Like To Be ‘Touched Out’

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As a breastfeeding mother of three, Krystal Duhaney is no stranger to the sensation of being “touched out”. She describes it as “reaching the point where you just want a little breathing room from constant physical contact”.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love cuddling and snuggling with my little ones, but there are moments when I feel like I’ve had enough,” Duhaney, a registered nurse, lactation consultant and founder of MilkyMama, told HuffPost.

“Imagine having tiny hands tugging at your clothes, clinging to your legs, lifting up your shirt, and constantly wanting to be held. It can be overwhelming, especially when you add breastfeeding into the mix. Sometimes, all you want is a moment of personal space to recharge and gather your thoughts.”

This phenomenon is most often reported by mothers, but any parent or caregiver can experience it. Some have described it as a skin-crawling or claustrophobic feeling. For Duhaney, being touched out can make her feel “a bit irritable and impatient”.

“It’s like my body is craving a break from the never-ending physical demands,” she said. “It doesn’t mean I love my children any less. It’s just a natural reaction to the constant touch and sensory stimulation.”

Parents may feel touched out for any number of reasons. The near-constant physical contact when taking care of young children, especially, is a big contributor – think nursing, rocking, holding, cuddling, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, etc. Personal space and alone time are in short supply when you have a baby or a toddler.

“Breastfeeding demands, especially when coupled with frequent nursing sessions, can add to the feeling of being touched out,” Duhaney said.

“Sometimes, all you want is a moment of personal space to recharge and gather your thoughts.”

– Krystal Duhaney, mother and lactation consultant

Plus, there’s the “sensory overload from the combination of physical touch, noise and other stimuli,” which can be overstimulating to moms, she added. This may be especially pronounced for mothers with ADHD or other neurodivergent parents.

The heavy mental and emotional burdens of modern parenthood – like the pursuit of trying to “do it all” – likely play a role in feeling touched out, too, experts say.

“There isn’t much space left to think about yourself when you are worrying and thinking about your child, spouse, and all the other tasks you are responsible for,” marriage and family therapist Gayane Aramyan told HuffPost.

Naturally, all of this can take a toll on your relationship with your partner, too. Aramyan said her clients who are mothers often tell her they “literally don’t want to be touched anymore at the end of the day” and “just want their own space”.

“It’s really hard to make space for the family members who are not infants to have close intimate touching when you have an infant hanging off of you all day,” psychologist Louise Packard told Motherly.

If you’re feeling touched out, here’s how to cope

“Whether it’s enjoying a cup of coffee alone, taking a quick walk, or simply locking yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes of peace, those moments of solitude can work wonders," Duhaney said.

urbazon via Getty Images

“Whether it’s enjoying a cup of coffee alone, taking a quick walk, or simply locking yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes of peace, those moments of solitude can work wonders,” Duhaney said.

First, know that as unpleasant as this sensation can be, it is a very common experience and is in no way a reflection of your parenting abilities or the love you have for your family.

Mums often feel guilty for being touched out, but they shouldn’t: Bodily autonomy is a “normal human need,” psychologist Jessica Combs Rohr wrote in a blog post for Psychology Today.

“A fun thing about motherhood is you almost always feel like you are being a bad mother if you have a normal human reaction to difficult experiences,” she wrote in the story.

When you’ve reached your touch limit, communicate that to your family. Explain that you love them, but you need some time or space for yourself right now.

When you’re not so overwhelmed, have an honest conversation with your partner about what you’re feeling. That will help them understand what you’re dealing with and realise it isn’t personal.

“Set some boundaries and ask for support,” Duhaney said. “Your partner, family or friends can help share the load and give you some breathing room.”

Try to schedule some “me” time every day — even if a few minutes is all you can manage.

“It can be as small as 10 minutes before everybody else waking up,” Aramyan said. “Or taking 10 minutes during your child’s nap to not do anything but sit and read, or meditate. It’s important to fill our cup not just with girls’ nights or date nights or exercise, but to have something that happens daily for us to get something done for ourselves.”

Duhaney said it’s also important to give yourself permission to take breaks without feeling guilty about it.

“It’s OK to step away and recharge. Find moments throughout the day to steal some personal space,” she said. “Whether it’s enjoying a cup of coffee alone, taking a quick walk, or simply locking yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes of peace, those moments of solitude can work wonders.”

Connecting with other parents who understand firsthand what you’re going through can also help.

“Find online communities or local mom groups where you can share your experiences, vent, and get advice from moms who’ve been there,” Duhaney said. “Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone in feeling touched out can bring a sense of relief and validation.”

If your partner is the one feeling touched out, here’s how you can help

If you’re the partner of a touched-out mum, be supportive and understanding. Respect her boundaries, which may mean putting your desire for physical affection on the back burner temporarily.

“Show empathy and understanding by acknowledging her feelings and validating her experiences,” Duhaney said. “Let her know that you’re there for her and ready to help in any way you can.”

Make sure you’re pulling your weight when it comes to caregiving and other household responsibilities. See where you can do more to lighten her load.

“Offer to take over some tasks, such as feeding, diaper changes or bedtime routines, to give her a break,” Duhaney said. “By sharing the load, you’ll provide her with the opportunity to recharge and have some much-needed personal space.”

“Pay attention to signs of her feeling overwhelmed and step in to assist before she reaches her breaking point.”

– Duhaney

Be proactive about stepping up without always needing prompting or reminders from your partner.

“Anticipate her needs and offer help without waiting to be asked. Pay attention to signs of her feeling overwhelmed and step in to assist before she reaches her breaking point,” Duhaney said. “Proactively taking care of household chores or offering a listening ear can go a long way in easing her burden and making her feel supported.”

For the time being, sex may feel like yet another thing she has to do for someone else — but there are many other ways to foster intimacy. Maybe that’s getting a date night on the calendar once a month, setting aside 15 minutes at night to talk about stuff other than kids or household logistics, holding hands while watching TV or giving her a foot rub after a long day.

Encourage your partner to prioritize time for herself and help her make it happen.

“Support her in taking time for herself, whether it’s a relaxing bath, a solo outing, or pursuing a hobby she enjoys,” Duhaney said. “Offer to take care of the kids during those times, so she can fully focus on rejuvenating herself.”

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Turns Out Men And Women Experience Very Differently – Here’s Why

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Depression is an extremely common mental illness, affecting 1 in 6 adults in the UK and usually in combination with other mental health conditions like anxiety, stress, and loneliness. It’s still a massively undertreated condition with only 15% of women getting treatment for it and 9% of men. Women are also twice as likely to experience depression than men.

The differences don’t end there, though.

It turns out that the way the two sexes react to and experience the symptoms of depression are different, too.

Depression Between The Sexes

Depression can hit as early in life as adolescence and for girls, this means struggling with body image, guilt, feelings of failure, difficulty concentrating and general sadness. For boys, this manifests as losing interest in their usual activities and to be more downcast and tired in the morning.

As they get older, women are more likely to see their depression manifesting with stress, sadness, and sleep problems while men will experience irritability and anger outbursts.

It is also worth noting that transgender teens are at a much more elevated risk of developing depression and half of LGBTQI+ people have experienced depression, with three in five also suffering from anxiety.

Why Do The Sexes Experience Depression Differently?

A new study of over 270,000 participants found that prediction methods that take into account gender are more precise in determining an individual’s genetic predisposition to depression than those that do not consider gender.

Until now, depression has been treated without gender being considered but this research has highlighted the importance of gender-based treatments due to both the body’s development of the illness and the widely different ways that it can manifest.

The researchers found 11 sections of DNA associated with depression in women and only a single section in men.

This study also found that depression was linked to metabolic diseases like diabetes and also linked to obesity in women.

Researchers hope that this first-of-its-kind study will help to guide future gender-specific treatment.

Get Help With Depression

If you’re struggling with depression or think you could be, speak to your GP to get the support that you need. Treatments for depression can include talking therapies and medication. Your GP will work with you to identify the best treatment for you. The mental health charity Mind has advice on resources for mental health self-help too.

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Nick Jonas Describes The Public Mishap That Led Him To Seek Therapy

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Nick Jonas said this week that a botched guitar solo at the 2016 Academy of Country Music Awards led him to see a therapist.

The youngest member of the pop sibling trio the Jonas Brothers discussed stage anxiety on the Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard podcast Monday, recalling what he called the “tragic guitar solo debacle”.

Jonas was backing up Kelsea Ballerini on her song Peter Pan and he’d rehearsed, he said, for what seemed like a “million times”. He said was “feeling really confident about it.”

“I started off, it’s fine, and as I walked towards her, I just went completely blank and I hit a wrong note and blacked out, basically, and clocked that it was wrong and I couldn’t stop,” the “Jealous” singer said.

Jonas took a ribbing on social media and tried to shrug off the mishap as a “brain fart”. But the effects were long-lasting.

“In retrospect, I can kind of laugh about how big I thought it was. But it did travel more than I wish it would’ve, and it did cause me to go into therapy,” he said.

“To this day and [after] hours of unpacking it, I can’t really figure out exactly what happened, but I was rushed right into a car and right to a plane after it.

“And I looked at my manager, I was like, ‘I think that was bad’. I was in shock, kind of. And then it was like a really traumatic moment that shaped the pressure I put on myself to be perfect and to always be ‘on.’”

Jonas recalled other mishaps, like forgetting lyrics when he performed on Broadway in Annie Get Your Gun as a boy, but he called the CMA blunder “the worst moment”.

Here’s a longer look at it, beginning at 1:32:30:

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The Jonas Brothers, who got back together in 2019, are set to tour extensively in August, September and October.

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