1 Thing You Should Never Force Your Kid To Say

Sometimes it’s another child at the playground, a friend at a birthday party or a cousin at a family gathering. Often, it’s a sibling. Your young child, who you know can be heart-meltingly sweet, gets upset about some slight — a toy they wanted, a turn on the swings — and they snatch something from another child’s hands, or shove or hit them.

“No!” you cry, hot with embarrassment that your child would behave this way. You run up to them, grab their hands, crouch down to look them in the eye. And then what? You can’t undo the hurt they’ve caused, but you have to do something, right?

So you say what feels like the appropriate thing, likely the same phrase that your parents used with you when you misbehaved as a child: “Go say you’re sorry.”

It’s a concrete thing for your kid to perform as a consequence, but is this the best way to deal with the situation?

The problem with forced apologies

In a recent Instagram post, therapist Deena Margolin of the “toddler expert” duo Big Little Feelings explains that the problem with forced apologies is “you’re not actually teaching them to feel sorry, to take ownership, to show compassion.”

We’ve all seen children giving inauthentic apologies — perhaps mumbled with eyes to the ground or belted out in a mocking sing-song.

Sure, you can make a kid say sorry — but can you make them feel it?

“Children who are let off the hook with a simple ‘I’m sorry,’ essentially get a free pass,” Suzanne Barchers, chair of the education advisory board for ed-tech company LingoKids, told HuffPost.

“Often, they aren’t sorry — with an altercation that involved hitting or taking a toy or being ‘sassy,’ the hurtful act is often calculated and perhaps a bit satisfying to the perpetrator.”

If your child seems to get some enjoyment from what they’ve done, and/or their false apology, don’t worry that there’s something wrong with them. Like most kids, they’re still figuring out what it means to see things from another person’s perspective, and shaming them won’t help.

In an email, Margolin and parent coach Kristin Gallant, the other half of Big Little Feelings, told HuffPost: “Forced apologies can leave your child feeling ashamed — like they’re a ‘bad kid.’ Here’s the thing: these feelings totally inhibit any real learning and growing!”

They also don’t guarantee that your child will arrive at an apology on their own the next time.

“Forcing an apology is quick and easy. However, it doesn’t get at the underlying issue,” Barchers said.

How to help kids feel empathy and genuinely apologize

If you want your child to feel sorry for what they’ve done so that their apology rings true, Margolin and Gallant suggest you try something along these lines:

“She’s crying right now. How do you think she feels?” (Pause to give your child time to respond.) “Yeah. Really upset. Hitting is never okay. Let’s go over and see how we can help her feel better and say sorry.”

Note that the ‘sorry’ is in there, but not without some groundwork to make it actually count.

Your child might not be able to see the other child’s perspective right away. Don’t worry about this too much, either, Barchers said. “Asking the child to describe the other child’s point of view is difficult because children are very egocentric for many years.”

You may have to give your child additional prompts, such as noticing that the other child is crying, or asking how your child would feel if someone hit them.

This way, when you approach the child who was hurt, your child will understand what it “feels like to take ownership of your actions and compassionately apologise,” Margolin and Gallant said.

Barchers added that you should “encourage the child to expand” beyond the word sorry, as in: “I am so sorry. I should have asked if we could take turns,” or “I am so sorry. Can we talk about why I got so frustrated that I yelled at you?”

If your child is little, or reluctant to speak, you can model what a genuine apology sounds like. Margolin and Gallant suggested that you say something like: “Are you okay? I see you’re feeling really upset. We’re sorry. Hitting is never okay. Is there anything we can do to help you feel better?”

Understandably, you may also want to apologise on your child’s behalf. This is okay, Barchers said, as long as it comes in addition to, not instead of, your child’s own apology. “Apologising on behalf of your child to the other misses a learning opportunity for your child. And it takes your child off the hook, indicating that they don’t have to take responsibility for misbehaviour.”

If there was a conflict between the two children, such as over a toy or whose turn it was, this could also be a moment for you to ask the children how they could’ve handled the situation differently.

Your example teaches them how to handle such situations. “One day, your voice will become your child’s inner voice,” said Margolin and Gallant.

This includes times that you need to apologise to them. Perhaps you lost your cool and yelled, or didn’t give them attention because you were distracted by something else.

To make your apology count, you need to go beyond “I’m sorry.”

“Putting the apology in context gives it more meaning,” Barchers said. She gave the following example: “I’m sorry I couldn’t play a game with you. I truly didn’t have time. I have an idea for tomorrow. I would like you to help me with the laundry. Then we would have time for the game.”

Margolin and Gallant offered another: “I’m so sorry that I yelled at you. That probably made you feel really scared. That probably made you feel really sad. I’m really sorry — you don’t deserve that. I’m going to work on not yelling when I have an upset feeling. I love you. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Note that here, you are acknowledging your child’s feelings and validating them.

When your child is apologising to you (or a sibling), it often makes sense to talk about the underlying issue and how to prevent it in addition to the apology. Barchers gave the following example: “I accept your apology. However, I want you to tell me how you are going to avoid forgetting to leave your shoes in the way because this isn’t the first time I’ve tripped over them. Let’s figure out a plan.”

Finally, there are some mistakes that even a heartfelt apology can’t smooth over. Barchers recalled, “My son wanted to hold a family heirloom — my great grandfather’s pocket watch. It was on display on a shelf. I told him he could hold it but not play with it. Later he was roller skating — with the watch in his hand — and he dropped it.”

The watch was irreparably damaged, she said. “I was angry. We had a long discussion about how some things can’t be undone — sorry doesn’t work. I had to learn to forgive him, but he had to work to realise he had deeply disappointed me.”

This conversation, as difficult as it was, still couldn’t resolve the situation — but that doesn’t mean their talk was without value, Barchers said. “As I think back, he never did something so foolhardy again, so perhaps it was useful.”

Share Button

This Is The Reality Of Trying To Get Pregnant In Your 30s and 40s

When it comes to the right age for getting pregnant, there seem to be a lot of myths surrounding older pregnancies.

Although in the last few years it has been normalised to have a child at a relatively older age (according to society), there is still a lot of misinformation circulating around these pregnancies.

Getting pregnant in your late 30s and early-to-mid 40s is becoming more and more common, as high profile women like Meghan Markle, Ashley Olsen and Mindy Kaling have also shown.

In fact, according to the Office of National Statistics most recent data from 2020, the average age of a first time mother is 29 and the average age of a mother (not just first time mother) was 31 in 2021.

This is in contrast to 1970 when the average age to become a first time mother in England and Wales was 23.

But what are the realities behind some of the myths associated with being a relatively older pregnant person?

Dr. Amit Shah, leading gynaecologist and co-founder of Fertility Plus spoke to HuffPost UK to set the record straight.

“Pregnancy at an older age, typically defined as 35 years and older, is often surrounded by myths and misconceptions.

“As a gynaecologist, it’s important to address these myths with accurate information to provide reassurance and proper guidance to older expectant mothers.”

Myth 1: Older women can’t get pregnant without medical intervention

Dr Shah says that while fertility does decline with age, many women in their late 30s and early 40s can and do conceive without IVF.

The chances of conception each cycle decrease from about 20-25% per month in women under 30 to about 5% per month by age 40.

However, advancements in reproductive technology have also increased the options available for older women wishing to conceive.

Myth 2: Pregnancy is extremely difficult and complicated for older women

While older age can be associated with certain increased risks, many women over 35 have healthy pregnancies and deliveries, comments Dr Shah.

“Proper prenatal care and monitoring can help manage potential complications. Older women are also more likely to be vigilant about their health and prenatal care, which can contribute to better outcomes.”

Myth 3: Older women have a higher risk of miscarriage

The risk of miscarriage does increase with age. For women under 30, the miscarriage rate is around 10-15%, while for women over 40, it rises to about 34-50%.

Dr Shah says this increased risk is primarily due to a higher likelihood of chromosomal abnormalities in the eggs as women age. Regular prenatal screenings and genetic counselling can help manage and mitigate some of these risks.

Myth 4: Vaginal delivery is unlikely for older women

Dr Shah explains that many older women can and do have successful vaginal deliveries. However, there is a slightly higher chance of requiring a cesarean section due to factors such as decreased uterine flexibility, a higher incidence of conditions like placenta previa, and concerns about foetal distress.

“That said, each pregnancy is unique, and delivery plans should be individualised based on the health of the mother and baby.”

Myth 5: Older mothers are more likely to have babies with genetic disorders

The risk of chromosomal abnormalities, such as Down Syndrome, does increase with maternal age. For example, the risk of having a baby with Down Syndrome is about 1 in 1,200 at age 25, increasing to about 1 in 100 at age 40.

Dr Shah says prenatal screening and diagnostic tests like NIPT (Non-Invasive Prenatal Testing), amniocentesis and chorionic villus sampling (CVS) can provide valuable information about the baby’s health.

Myth 6: Older women will experience more health problems during pregnancy

While older age is associated with a higher incidence of conditions like gestational diabetes, hypertension and preeclampsia, these conditions are manageable with proper medical care.

Preconception counselling and a healthy lifestyle can also play a significant role in mitigating these risks. Regular monitoring and timely intervention can help ensure a healthy pregnancy and delivery, says Dr Shah.

Myth 7: Older pregnant women should avoid exercise

Exercise is beneficial for most pregnant women, including those over 35. Regular, moderate exercise can improve cardiovascular health, reduce the risk of gestational diabetes, improve mood and aid in maintaining a healthy weight.

However, it’s important for each woman to consult with her healthcare provider to tailor an exercise plan appropriate for her specific health needs, recommends Dr Shah.

Myth 8: Older women will have more complications during delivery

While there is a slightly increased risk of complications during delivery, including longer labour and higher rates of interventions like forceps or vacuum delivery, many older women have smooth deliveries, says Dr Shah.

Close monitoring during labour and delivery helps to manage any potential issues effectively.

He concludes: “All in all, pregnancy in older women comes with certain increased risks, but many of these can be effectively managed with proper prenatal care and medical supervision.

“It’s important for older expectant mothers to have open, honest conversations with their healthcare providers to address any concerns and receive personalised care tailored to their individual health needs.

“With advancements in medical technology and a proactive approach to health, older women can and do have successful, healthy pregnancies and deliveries.”

Help and support:

  • Sands works to support anyone affected by the death of a baby.
  • Tommy’s fund research into miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth, and provide pregnancy health information to parents.
  • Saying Goodbye offers support for anyone who has suffered the loss of a baby during pregnancy, at birth or in infancy.
Share Button

6 ‘Invisible’ Household Tasks That Drain Mums’ Time And Energy

Keeping a household running smoothly takes a lot of effort. There are the more obvious physical tasks like cooking meals, taking out the rubbish, folding laundry and picking the kids up from school. But it also requires a whole bunch of behind-the-scenes planning, organising, anticipating of needs, decision-making and delegating known as the mental load — an invisible kind of work.

In heterosexual relationships, most of these invisible tasks tend to fall on the mom’s shoulders, even when both partners work outside of the home. Men today may be taking on more hands-on domestic responsibilities than they have in the past, but women are still usually carrying the bulk of the mental load.

“Women aren’t just doing more labor, the labor they’re doing is mentally and emotionally taxing: anticipating and planning for how to meet the family’s needs,” Laura Danger, an educator who facilitates workshops on domestic labor, previously told HuffPost.

“When you consider, in cis-het couples, who is usually keeping the social calendar, signing kids up for summer camps and ensuring the grocery list is planned and prepared? It’s often defaulted to mom. Doctors, teachers and coaches often dial mom first. Even the vet usually calls mom before dad!”

Managing kids' clothes, for example, is a much bigger task than it might seem.

xavierarnau via Getty Images

Managing kids’ clothes, for example, is a much bigger task than it might seem.

These invisible tasks often take up way more time and energy than meets the eye. One example? Registering a child for kindergarten, which artist Mary Catherine Starr, the woman behind @momlife_comics on Instagram, just did recently for her son.

“What went into this registration was so much invisible labor,” she told HuffPost. “Keeping an eye out for when registration opened, going online to fill out all of the forms — which includes locating all sorts of paperwork and medical history— calling the registration office when a technical issue comes up on the website, booking a registration appointment to turn in the rest of the paperwork, scheduling a ‘kindergarten screening’ for the child, taking the child to said screening, texting normal child care provider about child being late to child care on registration day, and rearranging work schedule to accommodate kindergarten screening.”

“All of this takes three to five hours out of an already busy schedule, and if they’re not a part of it, their partner has no idea what went into this,” she continued. “It’s something you simply can’t understand unless you’ve lived it.”

We asked moms which invisible tasks on their plate are more taxing than they might appear. Here’s what they told us:

1. Staying on top of kids’ clothes

Lina Forrestal, a content creator and host of The New Mamas Podcast, said keeping her fast-growing baby and toddler’s wardrobes up-to-date with items that fit is a “huge challenge.”

“Everything from pants, shirts, socks and shoes,” she told HuffPost. “Then, there’s the load of having to purchase new things, and put away, donate or sell the old stuff that doesn’t fit anymore. It’s the biggest invisible time suck.”

Not only that, you also need to make sure the clothes are seasonally appropriate — i.e., ensuring you have the right-size bathing suits for summertime, and sweaters and pants that fit for the cooler months.

2. Meal planning

Caitlin Murray, the creator behind @BigTimeAdulting on Instagram, said that while there are a million items on her invisible labor to-do list, the most all-consuming one is figuring out what her family is going to eat every day. And that doesn’t just mean coming up with meal ideas, it also means finding balanced, nutritious and tasty options that all three of her kids will enjoy.

“I happen to love food, and I also care very much about the level of variety and nutrition my kids are getting. I’m not super strict ― we have plenty of treats ― but I am constantly struggling to think of new ways to get them to eat all the good stuff, too,” she told HuffPost.

“It’s also important to note that, if kids are not enjoying their food, meal time is going to be hell. I’m personally triggered when there are complaints and dissatisfaction with a meal, which is why it’s never as easy as just grocery shopping and cooking,” she added.

For comic artist Debbie Tung, it’s also taking time to carefully meal plan and create a grocery list so that she’s only buying items she knows they’ll use to avoid wasting food.

“Sometimes I prepare meals in advance if I know I’ll be very busy on a specific day,” she added. “I try to make sure my kid’s diet includes adequate fruits and vegetables daily.”

3. Keeping track of what household items are needed

This one may not seem like a monumental task on its face, but constantly staying on top of which things need to be replaced or replenished — like diapers, toiletries, cleaning supplies, snacks and pet food, just to name a few — requires a fair amount of mental work.

“Why is it usually Mom that knows what products or food items the family is running out of at any given time?” Renee Reina Grenon, host of “The Mom Room” podcast, told HuffPost. “Because, they are the ones packing lunches, making meals, packing the diaper bag, changing diapers, doing bath time, signing the permission slips for field trips, doing the laundry, doing groceries, etc. The list is never-ending.”

4. Managing school schedules, needs and communication

These tasks are just a fraction of the mental load that comes with motherhood.

LordHenriVoton via Getty Images

These tasks are just a fraction of the mental load that comes with motherhood.

For Starr, these school-related tasks entail “so much more than meets the eye.”

One example: reading all of the school emails and papers that get sent home and then taking action on anything that requires a response.

“For some of these items, that means checking my schedule to see if I can take time off of work to volunteer in a classroom or at a school event, or marking the schedule because it’s a half day or there’s a field trip or something we need to plan around,” Starr said.

“For other items that get sent home, it means making sure a child does the work associated with the handout, for example, reviewing spelling words each night or filling out a reading log that needs to be returned every Friday,” she added.

Other tasks include, but are not limited to, signing up for after-school activities, helping with school fundraisers, getting doctor’s notes for excused absences, and responding to questions or notes from teachers.

And don’t forget keeping track of special themed days or spirit weeks “ensuring that these days are on the calendar and remembered and planned for,” said Starr. “‘Is my tie-dyed shirt clean? Today is tie-dye day!’”

5. Making and keeping track of appointments

In writer and content creator CJ Kelsey’s house, she’s the one typically tasked with the scheduling and managing of appointments, she said.

“My husband will gladly take them, but I’m in charge of not only making my kids’ doctor appointments but now my parents’ as well,” she told HuffPost. “And it takes a lot of time to make the calls and a headache to keep them all organised.”

Not to mention other associated tasks like filling out the forms that may need to be completed prior to the appointment, and making sure the front desk has your up-to-date address and insurance information.

6. Attending birthday parties

Planning a birthday party for your kid can be a lot of work, but it’s a once-a-year event. However, you may be a guest at other kids’ parties a couple of times a month — or more.

“It doesn’t sound like it, but being a guest is a lot of work,” Forrestal said. “From remembering to RSVP, to buying a gift, the mental math of getting to the birthday party location on-time — usually on a weekend with other events going on.”

It’s Time To Stop Taking All Of This Domestic Labor For Granted

We shouldn’t just assume moms are going to be the default parent for virtually every facet of raising a family. Instead, let’s recognise their unseen, unpaid efforts and discuss ways to distribute tasks — especially the mental load — more equitably.

“When I was younger, my mother did so much for us while working a full-time job,” said Tung. “I never realised that or truly appreciated it until I became a mother myself and tried balancing my job, parenting, household chores and staying on top of my kid’s school work. It’s a huge mental load, and I never stop planning and thinking about what needs to be done.”

“I feel like my husband doesn’t share the same mental load,” she added. “But it would be great if more partners could see things from a mother’s perspective, and show more appreciation and willingness to help.”

“Our society loves to say that raising children is the most important job in the world — but it is never treated as such.”

– Renee Reina Grenon, host of “The Mom Room” podcast

Starr said when her husband handles a family management task that she has historically taken care of, he’ll often tell her he’s surprised it took so long to complete.

“He thinks, for some reason, that it doesn’t take as much time for me because I’m more ‘experienced’ or ‘better’ at handling these kinds of tasks, but the fact of the matter is that these tasks just take a lot of time, no matter who you are,” she said.

“And if you are carrying the entire task and all of the accompanying tasks that come along with it, managing a family and household takes a lot of time and energy. And this time and energy should not fall on the mom. It should be divided between the parents,” Starr added.

Reina Grenon said she wishes people valued the unpaid work of motherhood the way they do a paying job.

“Our society loves to say that raising children is the most important job in the world ― but it is never treated as such.”

Share Button

How To Raise Kids Who Actually Like Each Other

Sitting between his two older sisters, Rhys Tsiang, a 16-year-old from New Jersey, said, “They kind of just feel like I’m with my friends when I’m with them.”

The three siblings ― Rhys, Kobie Tsiang, 22, and Nori Tsiang, 20 ― often hang out together in Kobie’s bedroom, which she described as “our communal space.”

“I have a TV in here,” Kobie Tsiang said. “We’ll all come in here. We’ll talk, we’ll walk in without knocking, often. I’d say that we’re pretty close. I’d say that we hang out pretty regularly and probably more than other siblings do in general.”

The Tsiang siblings told HuffPost that they feel closer now than earlier in their lives, when they faced some of the typical sibling conflicts and resentments.

“I did find my younger brother to be slightly annoying,” Nori Tsiang admitted, speaking of her 11-year-old self. Today, the pair often spend time hanging out together with mutual friends.

“I don’t think we were that close when we were younger. I think it’s changed a lot, though,” Rhys said.

Having the space to build their own authentic relationships with each other, as well as having regular time to spend together, such as on annual family vacations, has helped shape the bond the siblings share today.

Building sibling dynamics can be difficult when you’re a parent. But there are steps you can take to ensure that your children have a strong relationship with one another.

We asked a couple of experts what parents can do to raise siblings who actually like each other.

Even kids who like each other will experience conflict sometimes.

Anastasiia Sienotova via Getty Images

Even kids who like each other will experience conflict sometimes.

Don’t confuse a good relationship with a conflict-free one

Liking someone doesn’t mean that you don’t ever fight with them.

“Expecting your kids to like each other is a reasonable goal. I think that’s different from expecting them to not fight with each other,” psychologist Janine Domingues of the Child Mind Institute told HuffPost.

Instead of worrying that your kids’ conflicts will damage their relationship, focus on helping them find a way to resolve the problem at hand. You don’t need to worry that a fight today will ruin their chances of being close to one another later in life.

Topsie VandenBosch, a 35-year-old from Los Angeles, said she and her 26-year-old sister, Pjay Togunde, had “sisterly fights and disagreements” while growing up. As they matured and became adults, their nine-year age gap became less of a divide, and VandenBosch now describes her little sister as “one of my best friends and my rock.”

Togunde agreed.

“My relationship with Topsie now is solid,” she told HuffPost.

Set high expectations

If you expect your children to get along with one another, they’re actually more likely to do so, Laura Markham, a psychologist and the author of several parenting books, told HuffPost.

“If you expect them not to get along, like if you had problematic relationships with your siblings, they are more likely to have more problems,” Markham said. “If you hold it as a family value that we’re family, we can get mad at each other, we can fight — we always work things out. We protect each other and support each other. That will be the value that kids learn about siblings.”

Markham said it’s important to not bring your own baggage from your sibling relationships to your kids, neither assuming that things will be bad nor trying to replicate a relationship you feel is perfect. In addition, you need to cultivate a strong relationship with each of your children individually.

“The research on this is that if you, the parent, have a positive relationship with each child, they’re much more likely to have a positive relationship with each other,” she said.

Kids need reassurance that you love and accept them just as much as their siblings — even when they’re being difficult.

“The most important thing you can do is really work on your relationship with each child, so that each child feels like no matter how much love you give their sibling, there’s more than enough for them,” Markham said.

One way to do this is to schedule special one-on-one time with each child, even if it’s only for five or 10 minutes. Children relish having your full attention.

Also, remember that the way you treat your children is likely the way they will learn to treat each other.

“If your discipline runs to the authoritarian style, you will see your kids be meaner to each other,” Markham said, and you may overhear them repeating phrases you’ve said, like, “Do what I say right now.”

But if you work on setting limits in a more collaborative way, your kids are more likely to follow suit.

“Your model around how problems get solved will communicate itself to your kids,” Markham said.

Praise the kind of behaviour you want to see

It’s easy to get caught up in stopping fights and unkind behaviours, but don’t forget to praise your kids when they display the kind of behaviour you want to see more of.

Domingues called this “label praising,” where you name the positive behaviour and give it your praise.

“Whether they’re playing nicely with each other or sharing together, or if they’re older and just watching something together or interacting together in a way that fosters good sibling togetherness, it’s really being able to praise that and sort of shout that out,” Domingues said.

With a young child, this might sound like, “Thank you for sharing your toy with your sister. That was wonderful of you to do,” she continued.

With an older child, you might say, “I really loved how you spent some time just talking to your sister. I think she really loved that,” or “Thanks so much for driving your brother to school this morning. It helps me, and I think he really loves it when you do that,” Domingues said. In these examples, not only is the parent praising the behaviour but also noting its positive impact on the sibling.

“The research shows that the more positive interactions kids have when they’re growing up together, the better their relationship with each other as adults,” psychologist Laura Markham told HuffPost.

kate_sept2004 via Getty Images

“The research shows that the more positive interactions kids have when they’re growing up together, the better their relationship with each other as adults,” psychologist Laura Markham told HuffPost.

Set up family routines that encourage closeness

“Having family traditions has a multitude of benefits,” Domingues said. This can include the traditional family dinner, but it could also be a special Sunday morning breakfast if that’s what works for your family schedule-wise.

“Start early and start young, so it’s baked into things that they actually look forward to and want to continue to do,” Domingues said.

Markham gave the example of having an older sibling read a bedtime story to a younger sibling every night. Her own children, she said, found that the activity they liked to do together was sword fighting.

The Tsiang siblings recalled family vacations to the Jersey Shore, where, without their friends around, they would do things like play volleyball together.

“The research shows that the more positive interactions kids have when they’re growing up together, the better their relationship with each other as adults,” Markham said, while noting that this does not mean they won’t fight sometimes.

VandenBosch and Togunde credit their parents for encouraging them to spend time together and stay in touch.

“On a typical Friday night, they would prefer for me to usually hang out with my sisters in the house or go see them at college rather than spend time with friends from school,” Togunde said.

“They consistently encourage us to call or text each other often,” she continued. “If I were to tell them that I went two weeks without talking to my sisters, they would be disappointed.”

Give kids space to express their feelings about having siblings

While there are some kids that simply rub each other the wrong way from the get-go, Markham said the most frequent reason she sees siblings don’t get along is because parents “don’t understand how to help the older child with the feelings that come up.”

Knowing that such feelings of jealousy are practically universal, parents may assume that they’ll subside in due time, but this may not be the case. And when they linger, it can sour the sibling dynamic.

“It’s really important to make sure that the older kid has the opportunity not just to spend one-on-one time with you but to tell you how they feel. If you notice that they’re not telling you, but they seem to be handling the new baby a little roughly or climbing on the table to get attention or whatever, you can say, ‘It must be hard sometimes to be the big sister,’” Markham said.

“What you can do is listen and acknowledge,” she continued, noting that parents may avoid the topic because it makes them feel defensive or guilty. But she has seen how allowing kids to have their feelings and talk about them can be an effective way to manage behaviour issues.

This doesn’t mean that you allow an older child to say cruel or unkind things to their sibling, but they can express this anger and jealousy when talking to you.

When one sibling says something negative about the other to you, you can use “part of” language to both validate their feelings and reaffirm your faith that their bond will be strong. Markham suggested using phrases such as, “I know part of you sometimes wishes that even though part of you loves your brother, part of you wishes that you could be an only sibling.”

With a parent’s support, kids can overcome periods of jealousy or not feeling close to each other.

As they look forward to graduations and the beginnings of their careers, the Tsiang siblings plan on remaining a presence in each other’s lives. Kobie and Nori Tsiang intend to even move into their first apartment together one day.

“Me and her are definitely going to stick together, and Rhys will still be around,” Kobie Tsiang said. “Our big American dream is to buy a plot of land somewhere rural and build a bunch of little houses for us and our family.”

Share Button

Here’s What Science Says About Your Birth Order And Personality

Has anyone ever come up to you and said “you must be the youngest in your family, I can tell” or “you’re definitely the eldest daughter”?

Your birth order might actually have a part to play in the way your personality is shaped, but the question is, to what extent?

Dr Julia Rohrer, a personality psychologist at the University of Leipzig spoke to the Science Weekly Podcast to explain how siblings shape the personalities we have.

She explained her own situation saying that she has a younger half sibling which would biologically make her the first born, but she also grew up with an older cousin and they were raised together.

Talking about how birth order might impact someone, she said: “The most influential one more recently is Frank Sulloway’s niche theory.

“It’s an evolutionary inspired idea that within the family the siblings are competing for resources, but also they must get along as they share genes so they have shared interests and so on.

“So the idea is that it’s a bit like it’s in the animal kingdom that there are different ways to specialise. So the first borns specialise in being like a surrogate parent, they are the big and the bossy ones.

“The younger siblings must find their other niches so that’s why they are more creative as they have to explore to find out how they fit into the family context.”

Alongside this, it was recently found by the University of California, Los Angeles-led research team that, in certain instances, first-born daughters tend to mature earlier, enabling them to help their mother rear younger siblings.

A University of California, Los Angeles-led research team found that, in certain instances, first-born daughters tend to mature earlier, enabling them to help their mother rear younger siblings.

Other studies suggest that there is some later-in-life payoff for highly responsible eldest girls.

A 2014 study found that eldest daughters are the most likely to succeed out of any sibling type, while a 2012 study found that those who are eldest-born are more likely to hold leadership roles.

So, there you have it — not only can birth impact your role in the family, it can also have an effect on your adult life.

Share Button

34 Tweets From Parents That Reveal The Truth About School Projects

If you’re the parent of a school-aged child, there will inevitably come a moment when they ask for help with a school project — bonus points if this happens the night before said project is due.

Do you zoom off to the crafts store in search of supplies? Give them a lecture about responsibility? Roll up your sleeves and grab a Pritt stick? Sigh dramatically and pour yourself a glass of wine?

The funny parents of Twitter (formerly X) have been there, done that and are here to tell you about it. Read the hilarity below:

Share Button

Hailey Bieber Reveals Her Biggest Pregnancy Craving: ‘You’re Not Allowed To Judge’

While that recipe might turn some stomachs, a 2014 study in the Frontiers in Psychology journal concluded that more than half of all pregnant women experience cravings for specific foods, due to rapid hormonal changes or the additional blood production during pregnancy.

Still, biological explanation or no, some fans couldn’t bring themselves to approve of Hailey’s meal.

“Hailey is so pregnant. Egg salad on a pickle with hot sauce. Girllllll,” wrote one user on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter. Another commented: “‘Trying hailey bieber’s egg salad on top of pickle’ will soon be a trend on tiktok.”

“This will be the next important project for him. He’s so excited to raise his baby. They have a name that they think is perfect … They can’t wait.”

Share Button

Ryan Gosling Gets Candid About How Being A Dad Has Affected Which Roles He Says Yes To

Ryan Gosling has claimed that he always has his family in mind when selecting roles these days.

The three-time Oscar nominee is a dad to two daughters, nine-year-old Esmeralda Amada and eight-year-old Amanda Lee, who he shares with his long-term partner Eva Mendes.

While Ryan has plenty of hard-hitting roles in his back catalogue, including the neo-Nazi drama The Believer and the violent action drama Drive, he’s said that more recently, he’s leaning towards lighter projects, so he can be more present with his family after a day’s shooting is over.

“I don’t really take roles that are going to put me in some kind of dark place,” he told WSJ magazine.

“This moment is what I feel like trying to read the room at home and feel like what is going to be best for all of us. The decisions I make, I make them with Eva and we make them with our family in mind first.”

Ryan claimed this shift began with the musical La La Land, with subsequent projects including the Neil Armstrong biopic First Man, sci-fi sequel Blade Runner 2049 and, of course, Greta Gerwig’s hit Barbie movie.

Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling in La La Land
Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling in La La Land

Dale Robinette/Black Label Media/Kobal/Shutterstock

It was just sort of like, ‘oh, [La La Land] will be fun for them, too, because even though they’re not coming to set, we’re practicing piano every day or we’re dancing or we’re singing’,” he explained.

“Their interest in Barbie and their disinterest in Ken was an inspiration […] they were already making little movies about their Barbies on the iPad when it happened, so the fact that I was going off to work to make one too, we just felt like we were aligned.”

Elsewhere in the interview, Ryan spoke about performing a stunt in his new comedy The Fall Guy, when he was suddenly hit with a fear of heights.

“I think it’s happened when I had kids – really, you start to be way more conscious of everything you do and everything you’ve ever done and everything you will do if you get a chance to do it,” he added.

Before Barbie’s release, Ryan made no secret of the fact that his daughters’ own indifference towards Ken led to him saying yes to the Barbie film.

Ryan as Ken in Barbie
Ryan as Ken in Barbie

Warner Bros

He told The Tonight Show: “I walk out in the backyard [after getting the offer] and, do you know where I found Ken. Face down in the mud next to a squished lemon.

“I texted [the photo] to Greta and said, ‘I shall be your Ken, for this story must be told’.”

Read Ryan Gosling’s full interview in WSJ magazine here.

Share Button

The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (April 20-26)

Share Button

Rihanna Shares The 1 Thing That Helped Her Personal ‘Rediscovery’ After Having Children

Rihanna didn’t have to find love in a hopeless place; instead she found it in her very own closet after adjusting to motherhood.

While speaking with BBC News at the Wednesday launch party of her collaboration with Puma in London, the singer explained how she went through somewhat of a fashion metamorphosis following the birth of her two young sons, RZA and Riot.

“With the first pregnancy, I feel like I was able to wear heels all the way through,” she recalled.

“But then with the second pregnancy, you have a toddler, a belly, it’s winter, you have a coat, a baby bag. You’re like, heels? Hmm, maybe not. That’s why I got a little bit more creative with my comfortable style.”

The Fenty Beauty mogul shared her feelings that she got “too comfortable” in her second pregnancy, with Riot.

“And then I got too comfortable after I had my second kid and I just was in robes, PJs, sweats. And now I’m playing again. Now I’m having fun with my clothes,” she said.

Rihanna and her partner, A$AP Rocky, welcomed their first son, RZA, in May 2022. The “Diamonds” crooner gave birth to Riot in August 2023.

She said getting back to her fashionista vibes in public again has given her “a rediscovery”.

Rihanna donned a sheer black ensemble while attending the Dior show during Paris Fashion Week in March 2022.
Rihanna donned a sheer black ensemble while attending the Dior show during Paris Fashion Week in March 2022.

Edward Berthelot via Getty Images

Now that she’s gotten the hang of motherhood, she said, she’s able to “allow myself that space mentally to approach my closet and create stuff”.

“After a while when you have kids, you think [fashion] is the dumbest… it really is the least important thing,” Rihanna explained. “But it does something for you as a woman, and as a mum, that’s important for us.”

Rihanna notably broke the internet with her stylish, belly-baring maternity ensembles, so it’s totally on-brand that she explained to BBC News why she “refused to buy maternity clothes.”

“I approached it like everything else I approach in fashion,” she said. “I just want to do things my way. I just want to always stitch it up and put my own twist on it.”

“But I just refused to buy maternity clothes, really and truly. I was like, whatever fits was what’s going to work. And that made me challenge myself to get clever with style,” the singer added.

Share Button