Category Archives: Parents

‘Where’s My Village?’: Millennial Parents Say Grandparents Are Missing In Action

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Venting to Mumsnet members, a site user expressed a sentiment many parents seem to relate to online: they are “sad about grandparents not helping [with] childcare,” and feel let down by their lack of a “village”.

In a separate TikTok video, a millennial mum asked: “What if childcare costs are so expensive because there is a lack of grandparents’ willingness to help watch the kids?”

Responding to that video, a Gen X grandmother argued: “It’s not that grandparents are unwilling to watch their grandchildren – it’s that grandparents are still working full-time.”

And according to gerontologist Athena Chan, she’s right.

Grandparenting looks “significantly different” nowadays

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Chan said: “Grandparenting in 2025 looks significantly different from what Baby Boomers experienced” ― not least because grandparents themselves aren’t, as older generations’ parents may have been, comfortably retired from a single-income home.

“According to the Grandparents Today National Survey by AARP, the youngest grandparent today is around 38 years old, and the average age for becoming a first-time grandparent is 50,” she said.

“Many grandparents today are still in their prime working years,” and that’s before you even take into consideration that retirement is happening later and later in life.

“This shift challenges the traditional image of grandparents as retired figures with abundant free time,” Chan said.

Baby boomers and Gen X “recall their grandparents as retired, financially stable figures who could indulge them,” she added, but can’t always say the same about themselves.

Then, there’s location to consider.

While “weekly visits remain a regular part of life” for those who still live close to their grandchildren, adult children increasingly live far away from their own mums and dads.

Proximity has declined more for mums than dads, too.

So, “with increasing geographic distance, Baby Boomers are turning to smartphones and video calls to stay emotionally connected,” Chan added.

Many grandparents are trying the best they can, the expert said

Of course, some grandparents might simply be uninterested in their grandchildren’s lives – that’s unfortunate and can feel very difficult.

But many are trying their best in the same difficult economy all of us are struggling through, Chan said.

Using a grandfather in his 70s as an example, Chan shared: “Despite still working part-time, he takes immense pride in supporting his granddaughter, particularly as she navigates life after her parents separated.

“He shared how he helped her purchase essential household appliances for her new home, eager to ensure she had what she needed to start fresh,” she added.

“This generational shift in grandparenting highlights the changing dynamics of family life. Baby Boomers grew up with grandparents who were mostly retired, financially secure, and had time to indulge in their lives.

“Today’s grandparents are more active and involved, balancing work, caregiving, and financial pressures. Yet, through it all, they remain deeply committed to their grandchildren’s well-being.”

She concluded: “The core of grandparenting hasn’t changed, what has evolved is how grandparents show up for their families.”

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‘Orgasms Made Me A More Patient, Less Stressed Mum’

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It was a typical weekday afternoon when Catherine S., a mother of four and part-time office clerk, decided to start taking her pleasure seriously.

“I was stressed, tired … and didn’t feel like making dinner,” she recalled. Glancing over her calendar, she felt even worse.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t love my life, because I did,” she added. “It was just becoming obvious that I needed to do something to feel a little better.”

So she started listening to spicy podcasts during her work commutes. Soon, she felt inspired to put her own erotic pleasure on her to-do list.

“My goal wasn’t to have orgasms, exactly, but I gave myself 15 minutes with my vibrator once a week, which is how I [climax] easiest,” she said.

Catherine nearly skipped her first session due to a headache. But when her phone alert sounded, she raced to her bedroom and went for it. “My headache was better after [my orgasm],” she said, “and so were my moods.”

Now, several months of weekly sessions later, she often anticipates the practice as much as her morning coffee. The most dramatic benefit, she said, came as a surprise: “Orgasms have made me a more patient, less stressed out, and more loving mum.”

Results like Catherine’s aren’t surprising to sexuality experts. While orgasms can’t alleviate all parenting-related challenges, they offer a range of advantages worth embracing.

More pleasure, less stress

Orgasms flood your system with feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, explained board-certified sexologist and sex coach Lanae St. John.

“Basically, they’re a shortcut from wired and overwhelmed to calm and content,” she said. “If stress has you clenched up like a fist, an orgasm is the unclench … the kind that makes you think, ′Why don’t I do that more often?’”

If you do up the frequency, even better. “When orgasms become a regular part of your routine, they’re not just reactive stress relief – they’re proactive emotional maintenance,” she said.

“Think of it like watering your nervous system. Don’t wait until the plant’s wilted.”

Emotional regulation and patience

It makes sense that erotic releases help Catherine feel more patient with her kids. Beyond stress relief, orgasms can guard against a short emotional fuse.

“Orgasms help regulate the central nervous system, calming you down,” said Nicolle Dirksen, a sex and couples therapist and clinic owner at Clover Counseling. “This can help you respond to parenting challenges with a calmer, cooler head.”

Improved rest from orgasms may help your emotional health, too. A study using Fitbit technology showed that women who orgasmed before bed slept longer than women who didn’t.

Given that sleep loss interferes with the parts of your brain that regulate your moods, more sleep can mean fewer angry, anxious and irritable moods.

Modelling body positivity and self-love

While your little ones obviously won’t be around for your orgasms, they can benefit from any emotional strength they facilitate.

“Kids are sponges, soaking up all of the vibes you give off — even, sometimes, those feelings you hold about yourself,” Dirksen explained.

“Prioritising your own pleasure can help reinforce positive feelings about your body, which means you can model for your children self-love and a positive relationship with your body.”

Catherine feels that her orgasmic play is bolstering her body confidence, and that her kids reap benefits. She especially appreciates that her nonbinary teen, who recently went through appearance-related bullying, will increasingly see “someone who’s unafraid to be in their body … without looking like a model”.

Improved partner connection

If you’re co-parenting with a sexual partner, shared orgasmic forays may deepen your bond, according to Dirksen.

“Regularly orgasming with a partner increases and improves intimacy and connection, two things that [tend] to decline once you become parents,” she said.

“This increased connection can help remind you that you’re teammates, something that can be super important during those tougher days of parenthood.”

Catherine and her husband often feel like “sliding doors,” she said, given their contrasting schedules.

When she told him about her orgasm sessions, they decided to plan occasional pleasure dates. “We may or may not have sex,” she said, “but we make time, even 20 minutes, to connect … where we both get to have pleasure.”

When pleasure feels out of reach

Prioritising your pleasure can be challenging while child-rearing. And your mindset can play a big role.

“Parenting often comes with a lot of guilt … especially about anything we think might be self-serving,” Dirksen explained. “Self-pleasure feels like a luxury, saved only for the perfect circumstances: enough time, privacy, energy … things parents have very little of.”

To turn that around, she suggests a reframe: “Focusing on and prioritising your kids’ needs makes you a great parent. But making time for your own needs and pleasure is also a sign of a great parent.”

And when time runs scarce, incorporate delight into the mundane. “Wear something that makes you feel sexy or listen to music that moves you while you wash the dishes or do the laundry,” she said. “Savour your morning coffee, distraction-free.”

Giving yourself grace (and pleasure)

Lastly, don’t stress if sex doesn’t appeal to you like it used to, which is common during baby years and for mums (and any parents) who bear the brunt of caregiving. That may change as your kids gain independence or you gain support. Regardless, there’s no sexual epitome to strive for.

For many parents, it’s challenging to “switch seamlessly between the roles of caregiver and sexual being,” according to Jillian Amodio, a licensed therapist and author. “It’s OK to be exactly where you are, to explore the ‘why’ behind these changes, and, if desired, to take steps toward reconnecting with your sensual self in a way that feels authentic to you.”

What matters most, it seems, is prioritising personal pleasure of some kind, starting with whatever mental shift it takes to get there.

“Stop treating pleasure like it’s dessert, something you get after everything else is done,” said St. John. “It’s a resource…[that] helps you function, connect and recharge. Sometimes it’s three minutes of quiet. Sometimes it’s dancing in the kitchen. Sometimes it is a quick solo sesh before bed, because you know it’ll help you sleep.”

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Senior Labour MP Calls For National Plan To End ‘The Motherhood Penalty’

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Whether explicit or not, many politicians rest their policies on mothers accepting the ‘mental load’ – the list of caring and logistical tasks that underpin day to day life. But as tech bros now dominate public life, its time this group of overworked and undervalued labourers rebel – and we address the damage inequality is doing according. It’s time for mothering Independence Day.

The narrative that mothering should be difficult is so ingrained we rarely question it. There’s few other roles with so many memes dedicated to celebrating ‘struggle and juggle’ and in doing so failing to liberate those at the sharp end.

Yet the motherhood penalty pockmarks society, damning women to frustrated lives, men to outdated gender stereotypes and ultimately harming economic growth.

The very capacity to carry children means women face discrimination from employers fearing maternity rights obligations – a risk that will harden with the Employment Rights Bill, which improves maternity protection but not paternity rights, so reinforcing the notion its ‘ladies who do babies’.

Have a kid and say goodbye not just to your beach body but your pay packet and credibility at work. As Joeli Brearley argues: “Men get pay rises and promotions when they have kids.. women get pay cuts and demotions when they become a mother.”

In 2023 the pay gap between mothers and fathers was 24% per hour. Mothers are considered less competent and committed, especially in contrast to fathers. Politicians currently compete to bang the drum that somehow being present in the office is what makes you work. Challenging the time lost trying to combine nursery or school gate pick ups and commuting or office timetables is seen as woke, not wise.

“Get a nanny” cry commentators – as if wanting to spend time with your child in person is indulgent – yet the UK has some of the most expensive childcare in the world. The Tories crashed an already-stretched system by pushing up demand without providing the funds to properly increase supply.

Costs are still rising, with those on the lowest incomes least likely to be able to access it at all. We may have rights to flexible working, but flexibility isn’t spontaneity. In my own workplace they expect parents to plan childcare on a weekly basis, as if nursery places or childminders exist on tap.

Despite the legion of economic and social benefits, this critical economic infrastructure takes second place to debating AI and the mythical possibilities of technology.

Most mums also know the soft discrimination of being cut out because they can’t drop everything – and the gritted teeth when others try to ‘solve’ childcare for them. From those who expect you to treat your children as if they are puppies who can be left with a stranger to those who say you should “enjoy your time off” during school holidays.

It is not by accident that saying no is seen as ungrateful. The discourse that goes with motherhood is designed to reinforce rather than shatter patriarchy – if we want change we should focus on reshaping this environment, rather than forcing mums to make outdated ways of working acceptable in the first place.

Everywhere you look motherhood is associated with risk, not reward. Up to 60% of women who experience domestic abuse do so during pregnancy and 65% of maternity units have been judged not fit for purpose. Make it home and women are still working – globally doing three-quarters of the world’s unpaid work, equating to 11 billion hours a day and three times more than men.

Of course, money makes a difference to this – meaning those on the lowest incomes, single parents, the disabled or those from minority communities, are even more shut out of the conversation.

Freeing mums up from these pressures may not a topic for progressives, but its clear that defining our duties is a must for the authoritarian right. UK politics is again being flooded with tropes about family, as women’s bodies are the battlefield for their culture wars.

Whether calls for restrictions in access to abortion to the suggestion the best mums want to stay at home as ‘trad wives’ whilst men “sacrifice themselves” in offices. Handwringing about the show ‘Adolescence’ bemoans the lack of fathers and how a mother cannot be ‘enough’ – as others claim feminism created a situation where our sons have been overlooked altogether.

Mums don’t need more memes about how we’re doing great. We need a revolution. Not just to be seen, but heard and valued for both our parenting and our political contribution. That requires not just better maternity care, investment in childcare, or equal parental rights.

With women increasingly recognising the raw deal offered to mothers, we need a national plan for ending the motherhood penalty. Its time to stand up for mothers and speak up for what they are capable of before the Handmaids Tale becomes a documentary, not a satire.

Stella Creasy is the Labour MP for Walthamstow

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Kylie Kelce Tells People Who Mom-Shame Over C-Sections To ‘F**k Right Off’

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Kylie Kelce is taking issue with critics who say that having a C-section or getting an epidural during labor isn’t a “true birth experience.”

During Thursday’s episode of her Not Gonna Lie podcast, Kelce opened up about her birth plan ahead of the arrival of her and husband Jason Kelce’s fourth child, which she said was “approved by her team of OB-GYNs.”

“I just want a fat needle in my back,” she joked before slamming people who judge women for having medicated births. “People who dismiss birth with an epidural as being not a true birth experience, I can promise you from the bottom of my heart, I felt every part of labor.”

Kelce went on to defend women who have C-sections, noting that she’s seen a “number of triggering comments over the weekend” on TikTok about women being told that having an emergency C-section, or a C-section that was scheduled, means “they did not experience birth.”

“The person you’re speaking to just grew a human being, and for whatever reason that little baby needed to come out the front, not the bottom,” she declared. “You know whose business that is? Not fucking yours.”

“I’m trying to be nice,” Kelce added. “No, never mind. Go fuck yourself. You can kindly fuck right off.”

She then pointed out that C-sections are considered a “massive abdominal surgery.”

“Abdominal surgery to get out the human life that they just built. I can’t believe that people say that,” she said. “That is horrific. I dare you to say that within earshot of me.”

Elsewhere in the episode, Kelce told viewers that her mom, Lisa McDevitt, birthed her via C-section because she was a large baby.

“You think that when I was 12 pounds, 1 ounce and I had to come out the front [of] my 5-foot-2 mother that she didn’t experience birth? I will kick your ass in honour of Lisa,” she added.

Watch Kelce’s Not Gonna Lie podcast below.

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