Category Archives: Money & work

This Is How Much Debt Maternity Leave Is Putting Women In

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Babies can come at the most surprising moments in life. And for many people, they arrive at a point where your personal finances aren’t at their strongest.

In fact, some women entering maternity leave are doing so without any savings at all.

Reduced pay during this time coupled with the costs of a newborn means many mums have to borrow money to get by. And some are being left in debt.

A study of parents by finance company Credit Karma found that a quarter of parents get into maternity leave without any money saved, while 26% of women get into debt while on their maternity leave.

The amount in borrowing has increased by £560 since 2018, the company says, taking the average borrowed per parent up to £2,800.

Those with student loans face the harshest outcomes as the interest rate on those loans remains seriously high while they are on leave and unable to pay it off.

Credit Karma said women with interest loans accrue an average of £1,770 loan interest in just six months of leave.

Given the cost of living crisis, which is seeing bills go up as never before, this paints a dire picture for new parents.

Akansha Nath, head of partnerships at Credit Karma UK said: “Women are often disadvantaged financially throughout their life, and the responsibility to give birth plays a huge role in this gender disparity.

“At a time when the cost of living is affecting most people, and every penny counts, it’s more important than ever that women take advantage of any support available to them.”

These debts, even if eventually paid off, can then follow women into life, affecting their credit score and therefore their ability to buy homes and other goods.

Credit Karma said maternity-affected credit scores can set women back an average £17,000 in interest over the course of their lifetimes.

If you are struggling with maternity debt, there are resources that can help.

Step Change has a benefit checker, as well as list of grants available to expectant parents. The website also offers free money management tools designed to help people with their finances, without judgement.

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What To Do When You Forget Someone’s Name

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We’ve all been there: upon walking into the office, an acquaintance cheerfully greets you by name and you pause, frantically searching your brain for theirs.

You don’t want to disrespect them by saying the wrong name, but just saying “hey” seems so generic. Do you come clean about your memory lapse?

Here’s how experts say you can address the conundrum strategically and still keep your relationships intact.

You may consider a subtle approach first

If you are at an event and you see someone you know but you can’t remember their name, introduce yourself first, because it often prompts that person to say their name too. That’s what Mary Abbajay, president of the leadership development consultancy Careerstone Group, recommends.

“That is a signal for you to say your name back,” Abbajay says. But don’t think you are being sly about your strategy. Many people will recognise that it means you don’t know their name, she says.

One other indirect approach is to discreetly ask someone else to tell you the other person’s name, Abbajay adds.

If you are in a conversation that will continue later, consider asking the person to put their contact information in your phone. Or if the conversation needs to move to email, try asking, “Can you tell me how to spell your name to get the email right?” suggests Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and executive coach.

Better yet, ask them directly and apologise.

Avoiding saying someone’s name every time you see them will only get you so far.

“I think people fake it too long, and then they meet that person three or four times, and then they are too embarrassed to ask their name,” Abbajay says. “The best thing is to nip that in the bud right away. The second time you meet them, say, ‘Remind me of your name again. Thank you so much.’”

Don’t minimise your actions and say, “Oh I do this all the time.” If this is your third or fourth time asking their name, that deserves a bigger mea culpa, Abbajay says. People’s names are important to them, and you want your apology to come across as sincere.

Don’t make it too big a deal, though, either.

“We feel an internal pressure to remember people’s names after they tell us once, but that’s not fair, and truly, most people understand that,” says Lawrese Brown, the founder of C-Track Training, a workplace education company. “Even if it’s a close colleague, some of us are better with names than others and some of us forget things easily in general.”

“The biggest mistake is to be overly apologetic like there is something wrong with you,” Neo says. “Being gracious and pleasant about it can be useful.”

Don’t get discouraged if it happens more than once. Learning names takes time, Brown says, but what pushes her to ask for name reminders is to remember there are worse alternatives: You can make the wrong guess and call that person by an incorrect name, or you can be impersonal and never say their name.

“In the short term, asking may feel embarrassing, but that’s a temporary feeling,” Brown says. “The feeling of letting someone know that you care enough to call them by their name is what they’ll remember.”

Write down names whenever possible and try saying a person’s name when you first meet them.

Brown says that writing down someone’s name is what works best for her as far as remembering them.

Research has shown that writing things down helps our brains really retain what is being said. A 2014 study in Psychological Science, for example, found that students who wrote notes down on paper had better comprehension and retention of what was being taught than students typing on their laptops.

If you don’t have access to a pen or paper, try using your voice. Here’s a pro tip: Use someone’s name within the first minutes of meeting someone.

Abbajay says that in meetings she facilitates, she will ask people to introduce themselves even if some people already know each other as a way to help her remember names. When people introduce themselves, she diagrams where they are sitting and what their names are.

That way, “When I’m in the meeting, I can start using people’s names. If you use somebody’s name quickly when you meet them, chances are you are going to remember their name,” she says.

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The Most Ridiculous Questions And Requests People Have Faced In Job Interviews

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You’re reading Life-Work Balance, a series aiming to redirect our total devotion to work into prioritising our personal lives.

“How would you fit a giraffe into a fridge?” An asinine question in most settings, but especially peculiar during a job interview.

And yet, these kinds of ‘quirky’ and arbitrary lines of questioning seem to be commonplace during the interview process.

In an attempt to make people think ‘outside the box’ or on their feet, hiring managers are coming up with increasingly difficult (and frustrating) tasks and questions for interviewees.

And to make matters worse, many are leaving the applicants hanging once it comes to feedback or finding out the results of the conversation.

So, what does it say about their work culture when recruiting staff act like this when imbued with such powers?

For starters, if you’re being put in a difficult and tricky situation at the earliest stage of the job, then it might not be the best indication of the company’s treatment of employees. And it also means they have no regard to the preparation that applicants may have completed in anticipation of a more traditional interview.

After all, how does anyone answer how they’d put a giraffe in the fridge, or what words they’d have on their tombstone, or how they’d fare if locked in a room and asked to complete a challenge (all real requests)?

Here are some of the most ridiculous requests people have received:

It’s understandable that companies would try get creative with their asks, and indeed some are known for tough brainteasers that showcase the best of people, but most of us can agree that some questions are just a bit bizarre and show nothing about the person.

That’s what Hannah Langford, 31, from the North West, felt when she went for a job in law in Manchester.

She tells HuffPost: “I had a training contract interview at a law firm about 10 years ago and was asked two bizarre questions: ‘Why don’t polar bears eat penguins?’ and ‘How much water does it take to fill St Paul’s Cathedral?’.

“These questions made me doubt myself and I felt confused as to what answer was expected (i.e., was I expected to give an actual answer to the water question or was my thought process what they were interested in?).”

Langford ended up pivoting to a different sector altogether, deciding to work in charity.

Ramla*, 26, from London, can relate to navigating random questions that don’t relate to the job. “A charity that had many interview stages (and didn’t even give feedback after despite saying it would) had some interesting questions,” she recalls.

“One was about who’s your most problematic friend and why you are still friends with them. Another was about the last time you lost your temper.

“I’m not sure how far these questions really test someone’s values. No matter what you say, they’d have to take it with a pinch of salt because it’s an interview, not a chat with your best friend.

“These questions felt a bit like an interrogation. Surely what I’ve achieved and the places in which I’ve created transformative change should speak for itself – or at the very least, they could ask me directly about that?”

Unfortunately, eccentric questioning seems to be commonplace in the job interview space, when that time could be far better utilised talking about the things that bring us joy, what we’re passionate about, what we look forward to.

Because, truly, no one knows how to fit a giraffe into a fridge. And nor should they.

Life-Work Balance questions the status quo of work culture, its mental and physical impacts, and radically reimagines how we can change it to work for us.

HuffPost UK/ Isabella Carapella

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Can We Ever Really Recover From Burnout?

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You’re reading Life-Work Balance, a series aiming to redirect our total devotion to work into prioritising our personal lives.

“I’ve had splinters on my feet, I’m physically exhausted, I’ve had breakdowns. All the detox time in the world doesn’t change how burned out I am.”

This is the experience of Anthony*, a tech worker, 34, from London. After being asked to work weekends, weeks of late shifts, only then to be swapped onto earlies without warning, Anthony’s job has left him totally drained. So much so he’s quit his job without securing another. “I just can’t take anymore of this.”

Anthony isn’t alone in this state of mind. By the end of 2021, burnout was affecting more than 79% of UK workers, according to research by the HR tech company Ceridian, with 35% of people reporting high or extreme levels.

Nearly half (49%) of those surveyed in research cited an increased workload as a cause. The ongoing pandemic, post-Covid recovery, and the so-called Great Resignation, have left employers squeezing more out of their workers than ever before. And it’s causing a physical and mental health crisis.

Is there a chance of recovery? How long does it take to get over burnout?

We’ve seen buzzwords like self-care, wellness weekends and digital detox become the norm, but they risk ignoring the broader picture – that short stints of respite or relaxation don’t counteract the strenuous, back-breaking and brain-fogging nature of work under capitalism.

So what can we do? The obvious solution – if the Great Resignation is anything to go by – is to leave workplaces, even professions, that are bad for our health.

It’s what Lana*, 26, a social services worker in New York City, had to do to get some relief from her burnout.

“I quit working in the most toxic field possible in which I was forced to travel all over the city to unsafe locations. I got no support while dealing with people in extreme suffering/people who are dying. So I decided to get out of the field,” she tells HuffPost.

“Now I do my job and come home. No travel, no dying, I don’t stay late and I don’t take work home with me.

“My burnout was affecting me and my clients. I had to take a good hard look at myself and give myself the freedom to breathe again.”

Lana says she appreciates not everyone can leave their job immediately, especially given how expensive the cost of living is right now.

But if you are experiencing burnout, she says, it pays to make a change, rather than attempting simply to work through it.

“Finding new work definitely isn’t the only way to get over burnout, but you have to know when it’s time to take a break or reevaluate,” she says. “I feel like we owe it to ourselves.”

And while you might not completely be able to get over this block, there are some things you can do to mitigate burnout.

Jo Davidson, a business strategist who predominantly mentors female entrepreneurs, says she sees burnout among her clients all too often.

Recognise when you’re being pushed too much, she says. “Acknowledge that burnout is a result of the body telling us to stop. But we choose to ignore it, and don’t listen,” she tells HuffPost. “Taking changes is important because going back into exactly the same situation will only ever delay the healing.”

So how long can you expect to take to recover? Well, there is no right answer as the journey isn’t so linear.

“Recovery from burnout is definitely affected by how long it has been going on and how the individual recognises they have it and how actively they want to overcome it. For some it may be 10-12 weeks, however for others it can take years.”

10 steps to dealing with burnout

Davidson says there are ways you can aid your own recovery, whether that ultimately means leaving a job – or not. Here are some of those steps:

1. Acknowledge that it exists
2. Track stress levels (use an app, journal)
3. Identify the stressors and step away from these situations
4. Seek professional help. This is a strength not a weakness
5. Create a work life balance that includes time to have fun and rest
6. Change jobs if it is really badly affecting your mental health
7. Be kinder to yourself and keep a gratitude journal
8. Own it and believe that you can change it
9. Create a healthy sleep schedule and diet
10. Set boundaries.

While these are ways as individuals that we can ameliorate our conditions, remember that setting personal boundaries may not change the demands of your job wholesale.

This requires a company-wide push, or if you’ve got enough seniority in your role, a persistence in demands to change the wider work culture. Work should be a complementary part of our lives, not the thing that makes it unliveable.

*Names have been changed and surnames omitted to offer anonymity.

Life-Work Balance questions the status quo of work culture, its mental and physical impacts, and radically reimagines how we can change it to work for us.

HuffPost UK/ Isabella Carapella

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How Soon Is Too Soon To Quit A New Job?

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The urge to quit a relatively new job can be an uncomfortable feeling, but it is not uncommon. According to a 2018 survey from the recruiting service Jobvite, 30% of new employees leave their jobs within the first 90 days of getting hired.

The top three reasons quitters gave were that the role did not meet expectations from the job interview process (43%), a one-time incident that made them want to leave (34%), and bad company culture (32%).

During the Great Resignation, more of us may be saying our farewells sooner. “Talent has a little bit more of an upper hand,” and old-school rules of sticking it out at a hard job may no longer apply in certain cases, said Mary Abbajay, president of the leadership development consultancy Careerstone Group and author of “Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss.”

But before you give notice and join the league of early quitters, consider why you want to leave so soon after starting. Sometimes it can take a few months to feel comfortable in a new role and with new colleagues. And if you’re at the beginning of your career, it’s helpful to know that first-job blues are typical.

“You want to make sure you are not leaving just because you don’t like working, as you are getting used to the difference to being in school and being at work,” Abbajay said. If it is indeed the first-job blues, she recommends sticking it out for a year to gain experience you can talk about in future interviews.

But you should also trust your gut if something feels off.

“We have to dispel this myth that we have to sit in agony if it’s not working out,” said career coach Jasmine Escalera, who does not subscribe to the “stick it out” mentality.

Here are three scenarios in which it is definitely not too soon to quit a job:

1. You find yourself in a toxic job.

Nothing drives people out quicker than a toxic work environment. According to a FlexJobs survey from February and March of more than 2,000 U.S. employees, “toxic company culture” was the top reason people cited who felt they had to quit their jobs in the past six months.

This is for good reason. A difficult boss like a micromanager can be annoying to deal with, but they can be managed. A toxic boss, on the other hand, will corrode your soul and is an active threat to your health.

Abbajay noted that a difficult boss “may be impulsive, they may be poor communicators. Their style of working just isn’t aligned with your style of working. A toxic boss is a boss that is dehumanizing, a boss that is abusive, a boss that is screamer, a shouter… [With] a toxic boss, you are going to start to feel less than, you are going to be consumed with the stress of dealing with this person.”

If you feel stuck with toxic bosses and colleagues, don’t linger. “Once you recognize the toxicity, or the organization’s toxicity, you should think about getting out,” Abbajay said.

Escalera agreed with this assessment. Having escaped a toxic work environment in the past, she finds that toxic work cultures cause trauma and make it impossible for you to be confident and capable in your professional life.

“The longer you are there, the deeper those cuts are going to be, and the harder it is going to be to leave, because you start to change the perspective of how you think about yourself,” she said.

2. The job is a radical mismatch with what you were promised in interviews.

You shouldn’t wait too long for circumstances to improve if the job you were sold by recruiters and hiring managers is radically different in reality. This likely means there’ll be no learning opportunities ahead, no internal mobility and no alignment with your planned career future.

If you believe a mismatch in roles is fixable, talk to your manager and colleagues about what you feel you deserve and what you need to see change, Escalera advised. But don’t put undue pressure on yourself to stay in a job that isn’t suitable.

Escalera said she experienced a mismatch when a leadership and mentorship role she interviewed for at a hospital turned out to be different than what was discussed. She tried to talk with her supervisor to get her responsibilities more aligned with the expectations she had from the interview process but was basically told, “‘This is what it is,’” she said.

She left the job within five months and has no regrets: “If I could’ve left in five days, I would have.”

3. You get a better offer that aligns with your goals.

If you get a dream job offer soon after you start a new job, you should reflect on whether the new opportunity is the better choice for your future career success, regardless of how short your current tenure is, Escalera said.

If the new opportunity is “going to get you to that end goal quicker and faster, you have to do what’s in best service to you,” she said.

Abbajay warned, however, that too many one-year-and-under stints on your resume can be a bad look to prospective employers. Your next potential employer may think, “Why should I invest in you if you’re not going to invest in me?” she said.

Still, there’s a way to positively spin this in job interviews. When Escalera was asked in interviews about her short stint in the mismatched hospital job, she was candid about how the role was different than promised and didn’t align with where she wanted to go. Her advice to job seekers is to be transparent about past mismatches, while also being clear that as a result of the experience, you now know that this new opportunity is the best role for you, she said.

“You have to be internally very strong and internally have a purpose to move your career in the direction that you want.”

– Jasmine Escalera, career coach

If you are wrestling with guilt about bailing on a relatively new job for something better, that’s normal. Escalera said she has experienced this guilt as a Latina who grew up in public housing and whose parents wanted safety and stability for her career.

“It puts a ceiling on what you believe is possible for you when you come from backgrounds like that. It makes you feel like, ‘If I got this, then I should just settle in it, and I should just keep it… because this is better than where I came from, this is better than even what my parents have at the age of 60 years old, and I am 40,’” she said. “You have to be internally very strong and internally have a purpose to move your career in the direction that you want, and you have to make decisions coming from that purpose, but that is really hard when there are really a lot of external voices.”

In the end, you are in the driver’s seat of your career — not your new boss, or your new company, or your family. If you have a gut feeling that a job is not going to be good for your well-being or future, you should listen to that feeling, regardless of whether the warning comes in the first few months of the job.

Often, there are times “when you knew something wasn’t right, and instead of connecting with that feeling, you tried to push that feeling down,” Escalera said, noting that’s a mode of thinking she has moved away from. “What I try to do now is entertain the feeling.”

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Never End A Job Interview Without Doing These 3 Things

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During a job interview, your nerves and adrenaline may be at an all-time high. That’s why it helps to be prepared.

Ideally, the actual experiences and skills that you share will help you stand out. But how you end the interview can leave a really critical last impression.

“If a candidate does a bad interview, nothing they can do at the end is going to save them,” said Daniel Space, a senior human resources business partner for large tech companies.

“I have seen a good interview get docked a little bit because of how badly the end went. … I have seen ‘medium’ interviews go really, really well if a candidate can make a last attempt [to stand out at the end].”

As the clock winds down to the end of your interview, there are key opportunities you can take to help solidify your position as a top finalist. Here’s what you need to remember to do:

1. DO come prepared with targeted questions that show you have done your research. But DON’T invite criticism.

After the hiring manager or panel asks you questions, there is usually a time toward the end of an interview where they will ask, “What questions do you have for me?”

Don’t say you have no questions and call it a day.

“I’ve had executive-level candidates sometimes, who at the end of the interview … they only ask one question,” said Laura Hunting, CEO of Found By Inc., a talent agency and executive search firm specializing in design. “That’s not a good sign. It signals a lack of interest, a lack of strategic ability, a lack of experience. So I think really coming prepared to interview with follow-up questions is important and can make or break the experience.”

The best questions to ask are those that come up after you do some reflection on what you want out of your next job and what you have heard from interviewers about the role.

Hunting recommends first getting crystal-clear about what core qualities you are looking for in your next job so that you leave an interview getting the information that you need to make a decision.

If you are job-hunting to escape uncommunicative, unhelpful bosses, for example, try asking questions about things that can be deal-breakers for you, such as, “How do you measure success? How will you know whether you hired the right person three months from now? What are the most successful team members doing differently from the average team member?”

If you are seeking more hands-on management, ask, “What does your onboarding process look like?”

“You learn right away whether you are going to be thrown to the wolves,” Watkins said.

If you want to make sure all the bases were covered in your interview, Hunting said you can ask, “Is there anything else that I can answer for you that would help you understand more about me and my skills and experience?”

“That really helps interviewers have one last chance to get a sign on anything that’s missing,” Watkins explained.

“Anytime that you can create as smooth an interview experience as possible … it makes that person on the other end feel that much better about how you can contribute.”

– Laura Hunting, CEO of a talent agency and executive search firm

Keep in mind that there are questions that can do more harm than good. Space warned against asking a question like “Do you have any reservations about me?” because he has seen firsthand how this question can backfire.

“What you are doing is asking this person to think about you in a negative light,” Space said. “And I’ve met so many managers who just feel incredibly awkward after being asked that. You are just going to get a boring basic answer: ‘I think you’ve answered all of my questions at this time.’ Is that really the impression you want to leave?”

2. DO thank people by name and make eye contact.

Thanking people for their time as you end the interview is one basic yet important way to show your professionalism. But if you want to go one step further, make a point to thank them by name.

“Most of the times when we are interviewing, we are so nervous, we are like ‘OK great, thanks,’” Space said, noting that for others, “There is a magic to hearing your name.”

Doing this can be as simple as saying the interviewer’s name and thanking them by title with language like, “‘As a VP of HR, I know you are really busy and I wanted to let you know I appreciate our conversation and I look forward to next steps,’” Space shared as an example. “Making sure you are leaving off with the best possible impression will do a lot of good for you when [interviewers] then go on to the debriefing.”

Hunting said candidates can forget the power of body language, such as eye contact, while thanking an interviewer and giving facial cues to show they are being an active listener. But she noted that these basic actions make job interviews, particularly remote video interviews, feel more organic and natural.

“For better or for worse, how people feel in an interview, it’s a bias,” Hunting said. “It’s going to skew them one way or the other. Anytime that you can create as smooth an interview experience as possible … it makes that person on the other end feel that much better about how you can contribute.”

3. DO clarify if a thank-you note is expected. And if yes, DO follow up with a personalized one to keep the conversation going.

Thanking people in a follow-up note can be helpful on a case-by-case basis. At some companies, interviewers may find it totally unnecessary for you to follow up, while at others, they may expect you to do so.

“There are so many managers that indicate they are a little bit uncomfortable with a thank-you note because they know they are getting a copy-and-pasted template that someone just looked for online, and they don’t know how to respond to it,” said Space, who finds a thank-you note to be an unnecessary administrative burden for job candidates.

When in doubt, Hunting recommends determining what the expectations may be regarding thank-you notes.

Watkins said if you are going to follow up by thanking those you spoke with, don’t just reply all; send individual messages. “If there are five people interviewing you, there are five opportunities to share something interesting, impactful after your interview,” Watkins said.

Make a point to ensure your message isn’t generic. Often, people write something like, “‘I really enjoyed talking to you about X/Y/Z position. If you have any questions about X position, let me know.’ Well, yeah, that’s obvious,” Watkins said. “What I would like to see people do is use that as an opportunity to sell themselves. You are your best marketer, regardless [of] what it is that you do.”

Watkins suggested that if you take notes during your interview, note key points each person has mentioned so you can personalize your thank-you messages.

“If you can tie that to a success that you have had … at some point in your career, the thank-you note is a great way to bring that up,” Watkins said.

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5 Signs Your Co-Worker Might Be A Narcissist (And How To Deal)

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Throughout your career, you will encounter difficult co-workers who drain you, bore you and annoy you. But a narcissistic co-worker is one of the worst types to deal with.

They are insecure and cannot handle criticism. They can make their failures seem like they’re your responsibility, hurting your self-esteem to boost their own. And according to Marie-Line Germain, a professor of human resources and leadership at Western Carolina University and author of “Narcissism at Work: Personality Disorders of Corporate Leaders,” narcissists often find “safe havens” in the workplace.

“They very often end up in very top positions in organizations because they are smart, they are able to manipulate others,” Germain said. “The workplace is perfect for that. If they do well, they will be recognized. They will get a promotion. They will be looked at as prestigious. That’s not necessarily something they can get from their personal relationships.”

According to the American Psychiatric Association, the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder can include an inflated sense of self-importance, fantasies of perfection and superiority, a sense of being special and unique, a need for praise and attention, a strong sense of entitlement and a tendency to exploit others.

It’s important to note that it’s up to trained professionals to make an official diagnosis, but knowing how a narcissist operates can help you learn to set hard boundaries when you’re forced to team up for a project with someone who seems to fit the profile.

Here are the big differences between a co-worker with a need for admiration and high confidence in their abilities and a co-worker who’s exhibiting narcissistic traits:

1. Confident colleagues are OK with others being the center of attention. Narcissists always have to have the last word.

Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and executive coach who works with people who have dealt with narcissistic abuse, said that a need to steal your thunder is a hallmark trait of narcissism in self-aggrandizing co-workers. They may talk over you or interrupt you frequently, she said.

Confident colleagues can celebrate your success and want to see their co-workers shine, while a narcissistic colleague will insert themselves into “any topic, even if it is completely irrelevant, and they will hijack and make it about them,” Neo said.

2. Narcissists are charismatic charmers — until your relationship no longer serves them.

At the beginning of a work relationship, narcissists are good at impressing and manipulating their targets to feel like the center of attention, Germain said. But when you stop helping them feel superior and important, don’t be surprised if you see a sudden change in their attitude toward you, even if it’s months or years later.

“You may feed their needs, so there is no need for them to display any of those negative signs,” Germain said. “It’s when trouble brews for them that they start showing all of the negative behaviors.”

3. They believe the ends justify the means, and display a consistent lack of empathy to colleagues.

Germain finds the lack of empathy to be a cornerstone of narcissism, one that distinguishes narcissistic co-workers from merely confident ones. They do not care if their success comes at your expense, and they may steal your ideas.

“They will do anything for that prestige, that power,” Germain said. “It doesn’t matter if they have to steal your ideas to appear as brilliant.”

“NPD individuals have a difficult time understanding the feelings of other people, if they even care to understand them,” she said, because “they are on a relentless hunt to guarantee their own narcissistic supply of attention, of approval, prestige, admiration, understanding, encouragement, power, perfection, money, sometimes even beauty.”

This lack of empathy can also manifest as selfishness, disregard and a lack of compassion for other people. Narcissistic types can use their power to belittle and harass you.

They may display disregard, in particular, when your repeated attempts to set “hell no” boundaries are not honored, Neo said.

“They will take every chance to erode upon your boundaries,” she said. “Trample upon [your boundaries] so that they can lower the bar at every successive attempt and train you to put you in your place, so that you… play the role that you are smaller and a lot more deferential to them.”

4. They can’t handle criticism.

Narcissistic colleagues don’t reflect on or own up to mistakes. They lash out when they hear negative feedback, because the way they perceive it, “you are not just criticizing their work, you are criticizing their self-worth,” Germain said.

They make you feel small to make themselves feel big. If a person loses control and gets angry at you for offering some constructive criticism, that’s a red flag for narcissism, she said.

5. Narcissistic co-workers believe you’re either with them or against them.

There is no neutral ground with narcissistic colleagues.

“They have a very dichotomous approach to life. It’s all or nothing. It’s either good or bad. You’re either a winner or loser,” Germain said. “They don’t do well with defeat.”

If you support a narcissistic co-worker, you are on their good side. “But the day you criticize them, the day you no longer support them… then you will cross over to the enemy side,” Germain said.

To deal with a narcissistic co-worker, do your best to limit your interactions.

Luckily, unlike with narcissistic bosses, narcissistic co-workers have less direct control over your career. But they can still mount smear campaigns and wreck your work experience if they see you as an enemy. Here are some tips on how to deal:

Withdraw. You have every right to set boundaries, even if a narcissist tells you otherwise, Neo said. Germain recommended limiting the attention and praise you give a narcissist.

Narcissists want you to engage with them and lose your temper. Sometimes, the best option for how to deal with one is to limit your interactions as much as possible.

“They love to see people lose their cool. Part of it is a power play. Part of it is a bit of sadism. They want to make you look like a loose cannon, so they can tell you in the future that you are being sensitive and difficult,” Neo said. “Don’t try to hold them accountable all the time. Accountability is what gets you suckered in.“

Document your own contributions. Narcissists are likely to throw you under the bus, so it’s important to keep track of your accomplishments on projects. “You may have to justify your own contributions. It’s sad, but it’s true,” Germain said. She recommended looping people in on certain emails and communications to increase the visibility of your contributions if you’re forced to work with a narcissist on a project.

Go to HR with the narcissistic abuse, and consider an exit strategy if necessary. If the narcissist is berating and belittling you, and you are losing sleep over it, you should take it to human resources, Germain said.

Unfortunately, narcissists tend to be high performers who are often valued by their organization. If a move to a different team is not possible, or if you feel like your complaints are not being heard, Germain recommends job-hunting elsewhere.

“It’s really hard to imagine that you as the victim need to leave, but that’s a self-protective tactic,” she said. “You need to remain proactive by not only recognizing the damaging facets of the NPD person on your work, but also on your well-being. Well-being must remain your focus.“

Lean on your support system outside of work. Germain said narcissistic co-workers are good at gaslighting you into feeling like you are the problem, so it’s important to find a sounding board with a loved one or a therapist who can help you see that “there is nothing wrong with you,” she said.

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It’s Not Normal For Our Work Places To Leave Us In Tears

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You’re reading Life-Work Balance, a series aiming to redirect our total devotion to work into prioritising our personal lives.

Finding a quiet toilet cubicle, a vacant conference room, or any corner of the office or work floor you can privately sob. Sound familiar?

Crying at work isn’t an alien experience for many of us. And since the pandemic, those who have been propelled to the WFH environment can weep away without shame and the judgemental glances of their co-workers.

It can be a cathartic experience, to let out your work frustrations and stresses before carrying on with your responsibilities. You might even have an open policy at work where all sentiments are welcome.

While it’s good to let your emotions out and express yourself, we must also ponder the question – should our work places be making us cry?

It’s no secret that employment, no matter in which form, is stressful and occupies much of our thoughts. But our employment isn’t supposed to dominate our emotion in the way it does.

Work under capitalism has terrorised our emotion – we’re forced to constantly be switched on, available, regulate our feelings on demand (think how often we have to suppress anger, indignation, sadness at work and put on a face), and offer ourselves as capital toward businesses much more successful than we as workers are.

So when it feels like we’re hamsters on a never-ending wheel, with the bills and responsibilities mounting on us, with little room to breathe, it’s easy for our emotions to overspill and reach breaking point – often ending in tears.

Lucy*, 43, from Northampton, can relate all too well to this. “In my 20s and 30s, I cried a lot at work, for various reasons. I was figuring out who I was and my work place often wanted me to be someone that just wasn’t my personality. I ended up in tears because my work kept expecting me to be more assertive and forceful, which is the opposite of who I am.”

But Lucy had to keep her feelings private because, she says: “I think they would have seen crying as a weakness or unprofessional and unbusinesslike.

“Our workplaces just expect us to navigate our own emotion without any effort to remedy any ill feelings.”

But, Lucy admits, it does also depend on your profession. “Some are better than others with helping people. My workplace also provided a certain number of therapy sessions per issue you were having but I don’t think a lot of people even knew about it.”

Similarly, for Nora*, 29, a deputy lighting director at a theatre in London, not only has her job left her weeping in the past, she doubts little would change if bosses were aware of the toll they had on her.

She tells HuffPost: “My work place made me cry because of severe lack of resources and time and constant pressure to complete goals by an unmovable deadline under adverse circumstances. I was regularly working 60hr+ weeks with minimal breaks, high levels of physics and mental work and increasing demands of productivity.”

Like many of us, Nora kept her feelings hidden.

“I didn’t let work see me cry, instead I removed myself to a private location. If they had seen I think they would have responded well emotionally, i.e being initially caring and empathetic but fundamentally no actual structural or practical changes would be made.”

The experience has left Nora with little belief in workplaces to care genuinely about their employee’s wellbeing.

“I think workplaces put on a show, in most cases even earnestly, of supporting our emotions and mental health but in practice don’t actually have any infrastructure or ability to back these up,” she says.

“Most middle management are not themselves emotionally equipped or trained to deal with mental health or emotional breakdowns and yet are expected to solve problems usually caused by industry wide issues created and perpetuated by those at the highest level.”

So why is work so emotionally charged and how can we have a better grip on our emotions?

Well, it’s due to the nature of work itself and not a personal failing, says wellbeing psychologist Dannielle Haig.

“The workplace can be highly charged emotionally due to the fact there are numbers of humans grouped together in an environment that can be highly pressured with difficult interactions, personality differences and deadlines and so on,” she says.

“You become so emotionally exhausted that you’re vulnerable to external stressors and can no longer control your emotions. This is a sign that you need to take a break, you need some recovery time where you are investing in yourself and allowing your emotional batteries to recharge.”

But emotions arise from somewhere. You might consider addressing the stimulus – is it a difficult boss, a toxic environment?

Haig adds: “If you are feeling resentment for example, then it is time to build your boundaries and to start saying no to others and yes to yourself. If you’re feeling anger, then it’s a signal for you to remove yourself from the situation and once calm, to approach a situation from a different angle. The more you lean into your emotions and get curious about them rather than just allowing them to happen or trying to stop them, the more emotionally agile you’ll become.”

In an ever precarious job market, compounded with the cost of living crisis, most of of us are hyperaware of our earnings and employability, we might even be willing to put up with mistreatment, regardless of its emotional and mental cost.

But we’re also protected by labour rights and, in most places, a nascent understanding of work place harms and toxicity.

If we’re left in constant tears, it’s okay to question our employers, table open discussions, speak to HR, and try to change the environment, instead of toiling away to our own detriment, emotionally and physically.

*Names have been changed.

HuffPost UK/ Isabella Carapella

Life-Work Balance questions the status quo of work culture, its mental and physical impacts, and radically reimagines how we can change it to work for us.

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The Cost Of Living Is Crisis Is Biting Single People Hard, Too

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As the cost of living crisis hits the UK hard, there’s been a lot of focus on hard-up families struggling to pay bills, feed children and make ends meet.

But let’s not forget that the crisis is biting single people, too.

Single people on average are paying £7,564.50 a year more than their coupled-up counterparts on basic household outgoings, according to new analysis – a worrying situation considering living costs are only set to rise in 2022.

Ocean Finance has compared the typical monthly costs for single and coupled-up Brits including utility bills, rent and the monthly food shop, using data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS).

The analysis showed that household monthly bills are £363 more expensive for singles, with rent the biggest contributor.

A single person is paying, on average, £674 a month on rent in the UK and a couple only slightly more at £866 (or £433 per person). There is also a council tax gap – even factoring in the 25% single-person household discount, individuals with partners are paying considerably less than single friends.

This all adds up – with single Brits are paying an average of £630.30 more per month on outgoings than someone in a couple. The ONS estimates there are 7.9 million single-person households in the UK, meaning many are affected.

“The fact is, it is expensive to be single,” Nicola Slawson, founder of The Single Supplement newsletter, tells HuffPost UK.

“It is a totally overlooked problem that many people in relationships simply do not appreciate – and those in power certainly doesn’t seem to care.

Financial difference between singles and couples in the UK

Ocean Finance

Financial difference between singles and couples in the UK

Not being able to share your financial burden with somebody impacts all areas, says Slawson – from household bills, rent, council tax and insurance to the cost of furniture, white goods, and even the weekly food shop. “Most items come in sizes suitable for couples or families. For example, a ready meal designed for two works out cheaper than those made for one person,” she points out.

In turn, these expenses impact a single person’s ability to save for a mortgage and get on the property ladder, something she hears from her readers.

“There are increasing numbers of single people stuck in house shares even though they would love a place of their own but they simply can’t afford it.”

With the cost of living going up this year, the pressure on single people is only likely to worsen, Slawson worries. Take the issue of rising utility bills.

“If they live alone they have no-one to share the bills with and if they live in house shares, they don’t have total control over when things like the heating gets put on,” she says. “I know members of my community are feeling really anxious and are trying to work out where they can cut back but it’s hard.”

There is no shortage of advice being dished out on how to cut costs – partner with a friend, switch to a different tariff, even buy in bulk – but though usually well-intentioned, these tips don’t always help people, says Slawson.

“All the advice will say cancel Netlfix and go out less – but single people who live alone particularly need those things as they don’t have anyone to talk to at home.” But That respite comes at a price – Ocean Finance found single people pay £33 extra per month for multiple subscriptions to stream film and music.

Worse is the suggestion that single people should just go out and get a partner to ease the burden. “It’s not as easy as simply getting into a relationship,” says Slawson. “Many single people are actively looking for a relationship but struggling with dating apps and the sometimes toxic culture around dating.”

And she voices a final worry. “I think it’s also likely that it puts those in unhappy or abusive relationships off leaving because they are worried they simply won’t be able to afford to live alone.”

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7 Common Pandemic Job Interview Questions (And How To Answer Them)

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Looking for a new job? If you’re interviewing for a new role or expect you may be in the near future, you might already be apprehensive about being grilled by your prospective new boss. And don’t forget the pandemic has changed the kinds of questions employers are asking during the recruitment process.

Handily, jobs website Indeed has surveyed employers about the questions managers and HR teams have been asking candidates that they did not routinely ask before Covid-19.

From a candidate’s vaccination status to their willingness to work remotely some, or all, of the time, these questions highlight how the workplace – and our wider attitudes to work – have been transformed by nearly two years of living and working through a pandemic.

On a positive note, many of them hint at employers’ desire to understand, and accommodate, candidates’ increasing preference for flexible hours and hybrid working.

Commonly asked new interview questions:

1. Have you been vaccinated?
2. What type of flexible/hybrid working are you seeking?
3. How many days would you like to work from home?
4. How would you feel about not having day to day, face to face contact with colleagues?
5. Are you comfortable with your home working setup?
6. What have been your experiences of the pandemic?
7. How has Covid-19 affected you?

Some of these questions might throw you, but remember that you still have rights and that a little preparation is all you need to answer them honestly.

Mikaela Elliott, Indeed’s senior manager of employer insights, says it’s best to expect some of these topics to be asked, and if they are not, feel free to raise them yourself.

“With the pandemic bringing about huge changes to the way we work and upending expectations around work and especially remote and flexible working, interviewers are often asking several Covid-era questions that candidates should take the time to prepare for,” says Elliott.

“If you are not asked about flexible working during the interview, but it is something that is important to you, you can ask your interviewer about how the company prioritises work-life balance and whether it has any flexible working arrangements. This will help you decide whether the company is a good match for you.

When it comes to vaccination status, employers should have a good reason for needing to know, such as wanting to plan for the safety of their staff. While they are allowed to ask, vaccine information is sensitive personal health data, so they need to comply with data protection rules when it comes to your answer.

We approached Charlotte Davies, careers expert at LinkedIn, for some advice on how to answer these other pandemic-related questions. Here are her tips:

What type of flexible/hybrid working are you seeking?

“Before you head into your interview, think about what it is you want when it comes to hybrid or flexible working, so you can clearly outline your expectations,” says Davies.

“Don’t be nervous about saying you’re looking for a role that offers flexibility. You are by no means alone. Be clear about what has worked best for you in the past and why; the way that we work has changed forever since the pandemic, so it’s likely that potential employers will welcome this honesty and take it on board when making you a job offer.”

How many days would you like to work from home?

“It’s important to be honest about what would suit your own situation, whilst trying to be mindful of what a good balance would be for everyone involved. Every job and workplace is different, and only you will know what can and can’t work with your various tasks and meetings.”

How would you feel about not having day to day, face to face contact with colleagues?

“If you get asked this question, be honest about how you feel. Some people may want to see colleagues face to face more than others and that’s fine. Recent LinkedIn UK research revealed that of those who would prefer to work in an office part time or full time, 47% would like to do so as they enjoy being around other people and colleagues.

“But if you’re happy with less face time, let your employer know how you’ll stay in contact with your colleagues virtually and make those important connections.”

Are you comfortable with your home working setup?

“Working from home can still be challenging when trying to balance our professional and personal lives, especially with many of us juggling family commitments. Therefore, it’s perfectly fine to be open about any boundaries that you have in place to help you stay positive while working from home.”

What have been your experiences of the pandemic/How has Covid-19 affected you?

“If you get asked this question, remember that everyone’s experiences have been totally different, and honesty is the best policy.

“If you’ve found it hard, say so. Give a short answer that acknowledges the question, but also makes it clear that it’s not something you want to delve any deeper into. Try and find a way of turning the conversation around – for example by saying ‘It’s been a tough time both personally and professionally, but I’m looking forward to seeing what the future brings and life post-pandemic.’

“Equally, if you’re comfortable with sharing your experiences feel free to be honest and let your potential employer know if it’s the main motivation behind your career switch or if you’ve learnt anything about yourself during that time.”

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