I Hid My Disability At Work For 6 Years. When I Stopped, My Entire Life Changed.

Posted on 30/12/2023 by Boris Clair

In 2002, I planned a monthlong solo trip to Australia.

On my second day on the trail, while crossing an ankle-deep stream, I slipped and my body flipped 180 degrees. I hit my head and then rolled off the side of a waterfall. The waterfall was about 3 feet high and I landed in a reservoir pool. A German tourist, who happened to be there, dragged me out of the pool.

After the fall, I sat on the riverbank — stunned, confused and very concussed — while my tour leader climbed down the bank to meet me.

“Do you want medical attention?” the 20-something tour leader asked.

My mind flashed back to the medical insurance I had booked for the trip. “Emergency helicopter evacuation costs an additional $250,000,” it read.

“I’m OK,” I replied quickly.

On the short hike to our base camp, I repeatedly tripped and bumped into things. My clothes were covered in blood and my body had cuts and bruises everywhere. I stayed at camp and skipped the hikes for the remaining two days. When I finally got back into Sydney, I walked into the hotel lobby and a guest looked at me before loudly announcing, “Can someone get this woman medical attention?”

With my cuts, bruises, disoriented demeanour, and the same muddy and torn trail pants, I can only imagine how alarming I looked.

At this point, I was too concussed to evaluate what my medical insurance would or wouldn’t cover. And so I refused medical attention and assured the staff I just needed to rest.

A few days later, I flew back to the States.

As my bruises and cuts healed, I thought the worst of it was over. I saw a doctor in New York who ran some tests.

“Everything looks clear to me. You’ve just had a bad concussion,” he said.

Before the accident, a regular day of my life included a 5 a.m. workout, working my corporate marketing job until 10 p.m., and then attending weekday drinks out with co-workers, friends or clients. Somehow, among all that, I maintained a social life and part-time freelance gigs.

A few months after returning from Australia, my co-workers and I were invited on a yacht trip hosted by Forbes magazine. As the boat left the dock, I knew something wasn’t right. I felt disoriented, unwell, and struggled to hold a conversation. I sat in one spot for the whole trip.

When we got back to the harbour, I held onto the rail as I took careful, unbalanced steps. “Wow Jill, it seems like you didn’t hold back on those cocktails,” a co-worker teased.

I hadn’t drunk at all. One of my colleagues helped me into a cab, and I assumed I was seasick.

A few more months went by and I attended a business lunch where something similar happened. I was looking out the windows of the restaurant watching the curtains float in the breeze and cyclists zoom past. I felt woozy and as if I were underwater. I couldn’t concentrate on what my colleagues were saying. When I tried to go to the bathroom, I struggled to stand up. My body flopped back into the chair like a rag doll.

“I think I need to leave,” I said. Strangely, I returned to the office for the rest of the workday. Somehow, I made it back in one piece.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’m seriously not right,” I remember thinking. I was scared.

I booked countless doctor appointments. Whenever a specialist realised they didn’t know how to help me, they stopped answering my phone calls. I had no answers. I was determined to figure it out so I started tracking my triggers: constant movement in my line of sight, flickering lights, loud ambulance sirens, the brakes of the New York City subway screeching to a stop, loud baritone voices — and the list went on. In other words, New York City had transformed itself from a bustling wonderland to a total vestibular nightmare.

Even though I was noticing triggers, I still had no explanation for regularly appearing drunk, slurring words, being unable to concentrate and exhausting easily.

Without a diagnosis or even the vocabulary to describe what was happening to me, I felt a tremendous amount of shame and guilt. I must have done something wrong. How could I be so dumb? I also feared what my injury would mean for my job security. It felt like everyone around me associated value only with high levels of productivity. I had reason to believe that my worth was based on my output. Who wants someone with an undiagnosed head injury on their team?

It is estimated that 10% of people in the United States have an invisible or non-apparent disability. I’d like to think that corporate culture has more awareness and training on disabilities than it did in the early 2000s. However, research shows that there’s still a long way to go. According to Harvard Business Review, most people with non-apparent or invisible disabilities choose not to disclose these to their managers for fear of being seen as less capable and having their career progress stalled.

In the years following my injury, my brain’s default was: If they know, I will lose out on opportunities. Eventually they will fire me. And if I lost my job, then the unthinkable would happen: I’d lose my employer-sponsored health insurance.

Outside of rent and food, all my income was going to medical practitioners that weren’t covered by insurance. Some years, I was paying $50,000 in medical bills (half my salary). I resented that I worked just as hard but I didn’t have the same financial freedom my co-workers had. (I was often asked why I didn’t own an apartment yet and the implication was that I must have spent all my money on shoes.) But without a steady income and health insurance, the diagnosis and treatment plan I desperately wanted would never happen.

For six years, I didn’t tell anyone at work, including HR. As the years went on, I occasionally opened up to a boss whom I saw as an “ally.” Most of the time, they didn’t really listen to me (or my admission was viewed as an inconvenience or it was a “private matter” like getting my period).

And so, I stopped speaking up. I tried to manage triggers as best I could to hide my disability. But “sucking it up” was slowly killing me. My symptoms were getting worse and my vestibular attacks were becoming longer and more frequent.

My catalyst to change my circumstances was a horrible appointment with a neurologist.

This doctor informed me that — to prevent continued deterioration — I needed to avoid all forms of transport or I’d eventually be completely bedridden because, after all, he had “seen this before.”

“Enough! You don’t get to tell me how my life is going to play out” was my primary thought. I resolved to figure out a solution for myself, since health care had failed me.

I read every book, web forum and magazine on brain health. Learning about vestibular disorders and accessing the vocabulary to describe my condition was my ultimate breakthrough. I realised it wasn’t all in my head. I learned why certain triggers caused vestibular attacks.

Discovering clinical language empowered me to be able to describe what I was experiencing. It also gave me evidence of triggers to avoid.

At this point, I had advanced to a higher level of leadership in corporate. My role in the company coupled with my deep knowledge of brain injuries meant I was able to advocate for myself.

I was no longer asking for permission to have my accommodations met.

Instead, I would simply ask people if they could stop swaying their bodies so we could finish our conversation. Or I’d ask them to please quit shaking their leg, which vibrated the floor and therefore me. Or to please cease pounding the conference room table when they wanted to make their point. I clearly explained that these actions created vibrations that triggered my vestibular disorder. It was not easy for people to understand or remember.

My entire life changed.

I started setting healthier work boundaries. I unequivocally prioritised my health. When I was working, I was fully present. Eventually, I transitioned into entrepreneurship, because I knew my skill set could be expertly translated to coaching and helping people working in corporate with their career strategy ― and I could maintain higher quality health on my own schedule.

From my own informal research, so many people with disabilities work for themselves because it’s often a more predictable environment than working for an employer.

Looking back, I wonder if my journey would have been different if I had felt comfortable telling people about my disability. Perhaps it would have if there was more awareness and compassion toward people with non-apparent and invisible disabilities. If employer handbooks mentioned non-apparent and invisible disabilities, maybe I would have felt safe speaking up. Or maybe when I did address my disability with leadership, my condition would have been met with compassion rather than criticism.

Instead of living in hiding for six years, perhaps it would have taken me one year to own my disability. Or a few months. Instead of living with shame and guilt, maybe I would have experienced a more inclusive experience.

I often describe my head injury as a gift. Because of it, I am a better leader. I have heightened empathy, I have more compassion, I seek diversity and inclusion in all spaces, and I have a totally positive outlook on life. Anything is possible. But it took me decades to realise this truth.

I truly hope to live in a society that makes this journey easier for anyone else who is born with — or acquires — a non-apparent or invisible disability. This all starts with a culture of support, openness and compassion.

This Is What Life Might Look Like If There Was No Gender Health Gap

Posted on 24/11/2023 by Boris Clair

The gender health gap is a well-documented and widespread phenomenon, where women’s health concerns are regularly sidelined, neglected or dismissed.

To take just one stunning example, the British Heart Foundation explains that women 50% more likely to be misdiagnosed when suffering from a heart attack than men.

Twice as many women as men die from the underlying cause of heart attacks too – coronary heart disease.

Meanwhile, erectile dysfunction (which affects 19% of men) is studied in research five times more often than PMS, (which affects 90% of women), according to ResearchGate.

And endometriosis – where tissue like those which line the womb are found outside of the organ – can cause fertility issues, pain, fatigue and heavy bleeding as well as wellbeing issues. It takes an average eight years to be diagnosed.

Much of the issues come down to a lack of research and funding into women’s health.

The first ever plan to reduce these inequalities was only introduced last year in the government’s Women’s Health Strategy. It’s a start, but the examples mentioned above show we are still a long way off gender health equality.

So, what would life look like if women had the same healthcare as men? Women’s intimate health brand INTIMA has produced a report imagining just that – and its findings are extraordinary.

1. Equal health would shrink the gender pay gap

The gender pay gap is an issue women still struggle with around the world. From November 22, the average woman in the UK is effectively working for free until the end of the year – that’s how large the discrepancy between women’s salaries and men’s salaries is.

As UK charity Fawcett Society notes, working women in the UK take home £574 less than men each month – that works out to £6,888 each year.

The charity calls for more flexible working in an effort to improve women’s pay.

But it’s also worth recognising that health plays a large role, too. A whopping 89% of people experienced stress or anxiety in the workplace because of their period.

INTIMINA points to research dating back to 2015, which claimed women in the UK take 17 million sick days a year because of PMS. A third of women also take at least four sick days a year.

More than a third reported heavy menstrual bleeding too, which has been connected to higher unemployment and workplace absences.

In fact, 2019 research from Standard Life shows women lose on average £5,469 each year in time off while waiting for an endometriosis diagnosis.

Research from BUPA found a million women dropped out of work because of unmanaged menopause symptoms.

If these conditions were better researched, addressed earlier and talked about more openly, it could reduce absenteeism in the workplace, INTIMINA suggested. Flexible working would help deal with these conditions, too.

2. Economic boost

If there was no gender health gap, It could save £18 billion a year, according to INTIMINA.

That’s because endometriosis costs the economy £8.2 billon a year through treatment, loss of work and healthcare costs.

Menopause costs £10 billion, and heavy, painful periods cost £531 million in sick days.

So it makes sense to invest in services to help treat these conditions.

And, according to the NHS Confederation, every pound invested in the NHS ends up giving £4 back to the economy by boosting productivity and workforce participation – truly, a win-win.

3. Boost for perinatal care

Healthcare professionals too often miss new mothers’ mental health struggles, the report revealed.

Research from 2021 suggested one in four new mothers weren’t asked about that side of their wellbeing during check-ups from doctors, with the focus often being on the newborn rather than the mum.

NHS England’s website also explains: “Perinatal mental health problems that are not treated effectively cost society £8.1 billion every year, with the annual cost to the NHS estimated at £1.2 billion.”

Suicide is the leading cause of maternal death during pregnancy and up to one year after it ends in the UK.

But as INTIMINA pointed out, many of the physical issues like incontinence or prolapse can be treated with early intervention and physiotherapy – which can help make new mothers’ lives a little easier.

4. Orgasm gap? Eradicated

Research from 2018 suggests women in lesbian relationships orgasm 86% of the time, and women in straight relationships 65% of the time.

For men, it’s 95% of the time in straight relationships and 89% of the time for gay men – meaning there is an orgasm gap.

Gynaecological cancer charity The Eve Appeal also found women are five times more likely to feel ignored when looking for medical help with reproductive health issues.

But, if women felt more comfortable getting to know their own bodies and speak to their doctors, INTIMINA suggested this would change.

Reduced pain, better mental health and better sex would all have knock-on effects for women’s relationships, too.

5. Women’s mental health improves

More research into conditions impacted by women – like PMS and Endometriosis – could offer a substantial boost to women’s mental health.

If endometriosis could be diagnosed after the first GP appointment – instead of after the average eight years – it would help relieve the 95% of patients who reported it had a negative impact on their wellbeing.

Women with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) are three times more likely to have a mental health issue, while nearly half of those who suffer from premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) have planned for a suicide attempt at some point in their lives.

INTIMA claimed: “Earlier diagnosis and more effective treatments would help to reduce the mental health toll of menstrual and reproductive health issues. Symptoms would no longer be a barrier to living a full and well-rounded life.”

The brand suggested that, in turn, this would help reduce depression and anxiety among those who suffer.

Earn Money On Social Media? The HMRC Has Some Important News For You

Posted on 21/11/2023 by Boris Clair

The role of a full-time content creator is becoming increasingly popular with 19% of 18-26 year olds saying they hope to make a living from creating for social media apps instead of going into medicine or becoming teachers, according to research from Just Entrepreneurs.

However, perhaps due to the casual nature of social media, research from Quirky Digital has found that almost a quarter of those earning money from social media haven’t been declaring their earnings to HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC).

Which earnings need to be declared to HMRC?

The HMRC states that if you have earned any money that you need to pay tax on and haven’t yet declared it, getting in touch with them sooner rather than later means your case will be reviewed more favourably.

If you have already paid tax on earnings, through wages, for example, you don’t need to take further action. However, if you own a rental property, have capital gains or earn money from working for yourself be it creating monetised social media content or even car boot sales, you need to register as self-employed and declare that income.

Not declaring income is considered tax evasion and is punishable by heavy crimes or even imprisonment so if you have earned some extra pennies and haven’t yet told HMRC, there’s no time like the present!

Which taxes do content creators need to pay?

According to the money experts at Blackbullion, if your gross income is more than £1000, you must register with HMRC and complete a self-assessment tax return or, put simply, if you earn more than £83 a month outside of your full-time job you need to complete a tax return.

Blackbullion adds that if you generate a profit of over £6,000 selling second-hand items, you may also owe capital gains tax.

The next self-assessment deadline is January 31st, 2024.

I’m In My 30s. This Is The Career Advice I Wish I’d Gotten In My 20s.

Posted on 04/06/2023 by Boris Clair

Your 20s can be a tumultuous time of discovery, and it can help to hear from people on the other side.

Take it from me. I’m in my 30s. I don’t have regrets about the detours and pivots my career has taken, but if I could go back in time to the previous decade, I would tell my younger self to negotiate her starting salary when she gets that one job offer — because the thousands lost compared to her peers will sting later.

Back then, I was so grateful to have a job, I didn’t realise employers should also be grateful to have me.

And I would let her know that the people you work with matter just as much, if not more, than the work you end up doing. You can’t get good work done without mutual respect. Caring co-workers kept me sane during long shifts in an unstable industry while bad colleagues drove me out of projects I enjoyed doing. Learning who will be a bigger headache to work with means learning to trust your instincts, and for a long time, I didn’t trust mine.

Those are my two pieces of hard-won wisdom –– what are yours?

If you need inspiration, listen to these experts. HuffPost reached out to writers, artists, creatives, entrepreneurs, and professionals in STEM who are also in their 30s about the career advice they wish they could tell their 20-something selves. They shared thoughtful, nuanced advice that you can take with you, regardless of where you are in your career journey.

Some answers were lightly edited for clarity and length.

1. Don’t put stock into what people think of your potential.

“I am currently in my 30s, and I would tell my 20-year-old self to not put stock into what people think of my potential. Directly, I’d say: Raise that chin, girl, the best thing for you will eventually be your ability to disregard everything they taught you to ‘succeed,’ including the ‘right’ path towards that goal. You’re going to forge a path all on your own, so nurture your passions and you’ll soon see how it will pay off. Shit feels hard right now, but all these experiences will fuel your writings. Feel your feelings and don’t be scared of your voice. Your writing will free you.” ―Prisca Dorcas Mojica Rodríguez, founder of Latina Rebels and author of “For Brown Girls with Sharp Edges and Tender Hearts: A Love Letter to Women of Colour”

2. There is no such thing as a dream job.

“I wish I’d been told in my 20s that there is no such thing as a ‘dream job’ and that I should think hard about what success really means to me. Back then, I thought my dream job was to simply rise higher in the ranks of the company or start my own business (which I later did, and spoiler alert: It was still not a ‘dream job!’).

“I thought it meant a specific title or reaching a specific salary goal. It’s only recently that I’ve realised that success and fulfilment in a job (to me) means having continuous growth and learning, connecting with others, having time to think and create deeply, and feeling proud of the work I put out. It also means having things outside of work that inspire me and bring meaning to my life. Work can be fun and fulfilling, but it can’t be everything.” ―Alisha Ramos, founder of Girls’ Night In

3. Things take time, so make time for life, too.

“I’d give her a big hug and I’d tell her: Go toward what you like to do, not what you think you should do. Make friends you love and make art with those friends. Focus on what you can control. Create comedy that makes you laugh and art that feels real to you, and once you’ve done that, do it again. Things take time, so make time for life, too.” ―Alyssa Limperis, comedian and actor

4. Figure out the unspoken rules of your desired profession.

“For those in their 20s, my advice is this: Figure out who you want to impress—and what they will be impressed by. Every profession has its tried and tested paths. … The sooner you uncover the unspoken rules of your desired profession, the sooner you can start focusing your time on the highest-impact activities — and the sooner you’ll reach your career goals.” ―Gorick Ng, a career adviser at Harvard University and the author of “The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right”

“So many parts of my success [have] been boiled down to doing the right thing by my relationships.”

– Jamal Robinson, director of sales and marketing for New England Brewing Co.

5. Respect everyone because you never know who will be in your corner.

“My biggest piece of advice I think would be centered around building authentic honest relationships and valuing them. So many parts of my success [have] been boiled down to doing the right thing by my relationships.

“…Put in the time to be the best at what you do, so that the value of your talents [is] always seen. The opportunities that relationships offer won’t matter if you can’t shine.

“…Spend time on the little things and be true to your word. Relationships of any kind are a social contract in communication and expectations. If you become known as someone who will do what you say they will do and are honest about what you can’t do or don’t know, you will fulfill that social contact every time. It’s valuable for people to know what they can expect from you.

“People would much rather you underpromise and overdeliver than overpromise and underdeliver. But if you do promise something, do the things necessary to make it happen, even if that means sacrificing some other things. The goal here is that next time you are only promising what you can do without sacrificing other relationships. Unfortunately, sometimes the only or best way to learn is from experience.

“…Value and respect everyone! You never know who will be the one in your corner or whose life you can change in the process. It’s not always the most accomplished people in the relationship that bring the most value.” ―Jamal Robinson, director of sales and marketing for New England Brewing Co.

6. Resist ableist pressures.

“Society will pressure you to act and look non-disabled. Resisting these ableist pressures will feel hard at first, but it’s critical you define for yourself how success looks and feels.” ―Haben Girma, human rights lawyer and author of “Haben: The Deafblind Woman Who Conquered Harvard Law”

7. Understand you can reinvent yourself as many times as you want.

“I started this competitive road cycling journey almost exactly 10 years ago. I spent a lot of time worried about people who were being very mean and negative about my big dreams.

“I also had no idea what I was doing and frequently felt anxiety about figuring out next steps. I think my advice from my 36-year-old self to my 26-year-old-self would be, ‘Don’t worry so much about the folks who don’t believe in what you’re doing, you can reinvent yourself as many times as you want, and trust your instincts and pay attention, the next step will come to you!’ Honestly, this is advice I can still use today.” ―Ayesha McGowan, professional road cyclist for Liv Racing TeqFind

“The life you imagined when you were in your 20s can drastically shift when you’re in your 30s.”

– Carla Stickler, Spotify web engineer and Broadway performer

8. Don’t be afraid to travel if you can.

“Be open to new opportunities. Don’t be afraid to travel if you can. The market for what we do is expanding. Don’t miss out on good money and good life experiences for what is comfortable.” ―Demetrious Parker, microbiologist

9. Take risks.

“Your 20s is a great time to take career risks. It’s easier to bounce back from failures and course-correct at this stage of life.” ―Martinus Evans, marathoner, running coach and founder of Slow AF Run Club

10. It’s good to acknowledge when you’ve outgrown a dream.

“The thing you got your degree in doesn’t have to be the thing you do for the rest of your life. It’s never too late to change your mind, you’re never too old to shift gears, and there’s never a bad time to start something new. The life you imagined when you were in your 20s can drastically shift when you’re in your 30s. It’s good to acknowledge when you’ve outgrown your dreams or when they’re no longer serving you in the way you had hoped.

“It can be scary to dive into something unfamiliar later in life, but it can also be extremely rewarding. You may have to learn new skills or give up old comforts, but don’t let that stop you; life is longer than you think. Even tattoos and marriages aren’t permanent ― trust me, I know from experience.” ―Carla Stickler, Spotify software engineer and Broadway performer

11. Start therapy sooner.

“Start therapy sooner so that you can recognise when your childhood wounds are being exploited by an employer and their reward system. If you’re used to ‘enduring’ through a lot of difficult things growing up, you’re more likely to normalise toxicity and endure an experience that’s negatively impacting your health.

“If you’ve struggled with feeling like you’re enough or if you grew up believing that you have to prove to someone that you are valuable, you’re more likely to allow companies and managers to exploit your talent. So, I’d tell myself: ‘Vivianne, you don’t have to endure anymore, and everything will be OK. Go design the life and career that you want.’” ―Vivianne Castillo, UX researcher and founder of HmntyCntrd, a community supporting UX and tech professionals

12. You are most valuable in your career when you understand what you bring to the table.

“Spend a significant amount of time working on yourself. And be open-minded and honest about it. Learn who you are, what you’re good at, bad at, what motivates you and keeps you happy and productive. Learn what you’re passionate about. Learn why you think and react the way you do.

“….You are the most valuable in your career and your relationships when you understand who you are and what you bring to the table. If you don’t know yourself, you’re asking a lot for someone else to know.”

“The truth is, most people live their lives working a job because they feel like they have to and don’t know what their passions are or who they are. But the percentage of people who do know these things are the percentage that is the most happy, fulfilled and successful.” ―Robinson

“I wish someone had told me that respect and prestige are not the same thing — respect is more important.”

– Caroline Cala Donofrio

13. Get a decade’s head start on developing your leadership by working with a coach.

“Behind every inspiring leader is a professional coach, therapist, mentor, you name it. I wish I started working with a professional coach early on in my career to get a decade’s head start on developing myself into the leader, manager, colleague, and person I aspire to be. Also, a note to the under-30s, oftentimes professional coaches charge a lower rate for those in this age range to encourage this growth.” ―Marian Cheng, co-founder of Mimi Cheng’s Dumplings restaurants

14. Approach your career less like a goal to be conquered, and more like an ever-changing entity to investigate.

“If I could, I’d tell my younger self to approach a career less like a goal to be conquered, attained, or ‘figured out’ and more like an ever-changing entity, to investigate and nurture. I’d encourage her to prioritise meeting people, gathering information and asking questions. As I near the end of my 30s, I can say without hesitation that fostering connections has not only led to my greatest moments of career growth, it’s also made the path less lonely and a lot more interesting.

“I wish someone had told me that the snapshots of success we’re sold are often a myth ― no career, including ‘stable’ jobs with a clearly defined ladder, will ever provide unwavering security and satisfaction. Circumstances change, just like markets and people, a fact that can bring comfort. If experience has taught me anything, it’s that nothing is static for long. If you make a wrong choice, you can always choose again.” ―Caroline Cala Donofrio, writer, ghostwriter/collaborator and author of “Best Babysitters Ever” series

15. Be prepared for your definition of success at work to change.

“I look back at myself in my 20s and I had my dream job — a job I’d been motivated to get since I was 10 years old. I worked at Condé Nast for Allure magazine … I couldn’t imagine ever leaving. And I was scared to, because to me, that job … defined ‘success,’ and at that time, I didn’t realise how my definition of success at work would change. And it has ― a lot.

“I’d tell my 20-something-year-old self to be ready for more successes that would look and feel different … To be brave and leave a position where I felt successful behind to create a feeling of success somewhere new. Throughout the last decade, I’ve felt successful by both how much money I’ve made and how many KPIs I could attach to my achievements. Today, I define success by how much pride I have in the company I work for and its values, and the way I can mentor and motivate my team to reach their own definition of success.” ―Vicky Land, senior vice president of brand and communications, Barry’s

16. Nurture your intuition.

“Nurture your intuition with the same rigour of intellectual pursuits. What they don’t tell you in school is that making a product, shaping a business, leading a team ― those are all fundamentally art forms.

“The task is to build a disciplined creative process ― to get out of the weeds, and get fully connected to your full body receptors as you step into shifting through signals in order to make tough judgment calls. … You have to go both inwards and also outside of your daily tasks to build and strengthen this muscle and to connect the dots that lead to bursts of inspiration, the courage to pivot, or simply clarity on a decision.” ―Elise Densborn, Co-CEO, Splendid Spoon

17. Know respect is more important than prestige.

“I wish someone had told me that respect and prestige are not the same thing—respect is more important.

“I wish someone had told me that what feels right for you may not be what your family wants or what looks impressive on a résumé or sounds cool when someone inquires after your work at a cocktail party. But you’re the one who has to live within it, day after day, and your experience matters.

“That’s not to say the right job will always be fun or easy ― despite the old adage, I can attest that doing what you love will still feel like work. But it will also feel aligned with your values, your personality, your goals. If you’re contorting yourself into positions that feel unnatural and uncomfortable, it might be wise to seek out another opportunity. You ― yes, you, no matter how green or confused you may feel — know better than anyone.” ―Donofrio

Feel Like The Work Slog Never Ends, With No Reward In Sight? This Is For You

Posted on 24/03/2023 by Boris Clair

Another workplace label just landed, and you’re probably going to relate to it: rust-out.

Somewhere between boredom and burnout, rust-out isn’t a case of being fed up with your job but more about how you’re being treated within that role.

If burnout is when you push yourself too far, rust-out is when you’ve effectively been forgotten by your manager – leading to frustration, exhaustion and just… a desire to quit. You’re stuck in a position, and can’t go anywhere else.

Teena Clouston, author of Challenging Stress, Burnout and Rust-Out, told Cosmopolitan: “Rust-out is a lot deeper and more profound than boredom.

“It’s where people don’t feel they’re don’t anything purposeful or being recognised.

“They often feel blocked – as if there’s nowhere for them to progress to, and it can be a much harder issue to address than burnout.”

Burnout is already recognised by the World Health Organisation (WHO) as an occupational phenomenon, but it’s worth putting rust-out on your radar too.

After all, not everyone joined the Great Resignation during the Covid pandemic – there are bills to pay (and they’re only getting more expensive thanks to the cost of living crisis).

Analytics company Gallup found in 2022 that just 21% of respondents were engaged with their jobs around the world.

And a Workforce Hopes and Fears survey from PwC in 2022 found that Gen Z and millennials were the most likely age group to switch employers in the next year in the search of a more fulfilling job.

This is pretty evident just from what is going round online, too.

The famous term “quiet quitting” went seriously viral before, and involves people doing the absolute bare minimum at work, diverting the rest of their energy into searching for something else.

But with rust-out it seems like motivation is gone altogether.

Clouston explained: “The mental impact of rust-out can be quite dark. You can feel depressed – like you’re stuck in the mud, unable to move.”

She claimed this then had a domino effect on the rest of our everyday lives outside of work, too.

And rust-out doesn’t help anyone, including your employers.

“As a general rule, once someone starts to rust out, the quality of work goes downhill, as the employee loses interest, finding the job unfulfilling,” Clouston said, leading to cynicism.

But Clouston said that experiencing rust-out doesn’t mean you have to quit completely.

She suggested speaking to your manager to see if you can amplify the parts of your role you really enjoy, or create a progression plan for your role.

“This can help you review what you want in the workplace and help you find that opportunity for change,” she explained.

Clouston advised moving the focus back onto your wellbeing too, and remembering the pastimes which gave you joy before.

But if this doesn’t help, and it doesn’t seem like you can develop at work even when you try, you might want to start looking for a new job.

9 Things I Won’t Do After Working As A Nanny

Posted on 10/03/2023 by Boris Clair

There are 2.2 million domestic workers in the U.S., and a lot of them are nannies.

Nannies have busy, demanding jobs with tasks that can completely vary from family to family. They may be responsible for driving children to school, making meals or live-in caregiving.

Nannies work in private homes, often putting them outside of public view, so their critical roles in families and society can be undervalued and exploited. Misunderstandings can happen between what parents think they want in a nanny and the reality of what it’s actually like to employ or be one.

That’s why HuffPost reached out to nannies for what they think about working for families and the biggest “won’ts” they have learned. These are their hard-earned lessons.

Responses have been edited for clarity and length.

1. I won’t accept money under the table

“I’ve been in the industry for over 25 years now. And I remember when I first started, that was the big thing: People paying you under the table and not paying their taxes.

“I remember even working for a family and they were lawyers, so they figured out how to get around it. I was like, ‘I can’t buy a car because I don’t have any proof of income,’ because I got paid in cash. … It was really weird. At the time, I was young and I did not understand the whole business of it. It definitely was done and it’s still done even though it’s illegal. People still try to pay you under the table.

“On a bigger scale, when COVID happened, so many nannies who were getting paid under the table couldn’t file for unemployment. It’s a big ‘no’ for me.” — Kimberly C. Brown, the CEO of the Nanny Kim on the Go consulting agency in Jersey City, New Jersey.

2. I won’t be paid less than a liveable wage

“About 10 years ago, I took a nanny job that paid $200 a week, so a lot of the stuff that I post [on TikTok] is based on real experiences that I have gone through within the last 10 years.

“A lot of people undermine our education and our professionalism because they assume it’s a little girls job. I am a professional and I have tons of education, and it is not comparable to being a teenager [babysitting].” — Coco in Scottsdale, Arizona. (Coco’s last name has been withheld for privacy reasons.)

3. I won’t forbid a nanny from answering a phone or leaving the house

“I would never tell the nanny they can’t take the child outside or can’t answer their phones at work. People have to realise that nannies work during the day when most calls come in.

“A lot of people, they feel like nannies need to be ‘on’ all the time. That could be exhausting and wear your nanny out really quick. [I would never] assume that they don’t have emergency calls that may come in.

“I’ve definitely had that at work or at a job where they’re just like ‘Oh, I don’t want you to answer the phone for anybody but us’ or ‘I don’t want you to have your phone on at all.’

“I’ve worked with families where they won’t give me a key to the house, because they don’t want me to go in and out. They don’t want me to take the kid to the park. I just sit in the house all day with them until they come back. And that’s just not normal.” — Brown.

4. I won’t assume a nanny is a housekeeper

“I am more than happy to help out and I understand that managing their home is part of my position, but it’s not my job to scrub your baseboards. It’s not my job to wash your windows. It’s not my job to clean out your pantry and your fridge. I’ve even been asked to take the dog to the vet or come over if I have a day off, let’s say, and they say something along the lines of ‘We don’t need you today, but we just need you to stop by and water the plants.’ Something like that, to me, is inappropriate. I live an hour away, and I’m not going to drive an hour to water your plants.

“This job is very weird because you can be family with your bosses. It’s strange. You don’t want to be treated like any ‘regular-degular’ employee, because if I wanted to do that I would work at a day care.” — Coco.

5. I won’t contradict a family’s decisions

“As a nanny, I won’t contradict my employers, even in the smallest ways. Parents deserve to be respected in their absence, and my role is to be a supportive team member.

“I may offer advice or information, but ultimately will defer to the parents’ judgment. As long as the children are safe, I follow the guidance and preferences of my bosses when making decisions in their household.” — Amber Sembly in Atlanta.

6. I will not work without guaranteed hours in my contract

“An issue that I’ve seen happen to other nannies and even to myself as well a couple times is a family will hire you, they’ll say whatever hours they need, say it’s Monday through Friday, 8 to 5. Those are the set hours you’re going to base your life around, you’re going to keep your schedule open. But then every once in a while, the parent might get home early. But that affects your pay at the end of the day. So those guaranteed hours just keep you safe in case they do send you home early.

“Vacations — that’s a big one as well, especially with spring break coming up right now. [The family I work for is] going out of town with the kids for spring break, but I’m still getting paid for that week because of my guaranteed hours in my contract.” — Maiya Mosley in St. Louis.

7. I will not hire a nanny without meeting them

“If I were to hire child care, whether it’s short-term or long-term, I would definitely make sure my kids are comfortable with them and do a trial, even a few hours or so. Luckily for me, I’ve never had any issues. But I always think it’s crazy when people are like ‘OK, come over tomorrow night and watch them.’ And I’m like: ‘OK, you haven’t even met me yet. Are you sure?’

“Calling references, too — you want to do your due diligence. Luckily I have very good references and kids really like me, but I would never message someone on an app and be like, ‘You sound great, come over tomorrow.’” — Teniya Renee in Boston.

8. I will not arrive home late

“I wouldn’t come home late. Obviously, it happens, but I would definitely let the nanny know ‘Hey, I’m running behind,’ because nannies also have things to do after work. Being a nanny can often seem like, to a family, that you’re beholden to them. That’s a big one that comes up for nannies.” — Danny Rosenthal, the owner of United Nanny Agency in Chicago.

9. I will not assume a nanny knows what I need

“Most families don’t realise that hiring a nanny means opening a small business in their home. Families have a huge learning curve … [and] hardly ever set expectations or explain how to accomplish the tasks they have set out for them to do. Families have no idea that they prefer their clothes folded a certain way or that they prefer one brand of paper towel over another — that’s real — but every family is particular. Very particular.

“If you want a nanny to do something, you need to show them. If you want a nanny to buy something, you need to tell them what brand, what store and which aisle. Years of experience means a nanny is capable of learning how to work with a family, but it doesn’t mean they know how to do everything the way you like it.” — Rosenthal.

Why Your Council Tax May Go Up – And What It Means For Your Bills

Posted on 14/02/2023 by Boris Clair

Millions of homes will face a hike in their council tax bills from April onwards as the UK economy continues to falter.

According to the County Councils Network (CCN), three-quarters of English councils with social care duties are going to increase council tax by 5%.

That’s the most each council can increase it by without taking a local vote from residents.

Out of the 114 councils who offer social care and have published their 2023/24 budget proposals, 84 are planning to go with the maximum hike – that’s almost three in every four.

Only Central Bedfordshire council plans to keep tax at its current rate.

The remaining councils are still yet to reveal their plans, although Croydon, Thurrock and Slough have permission to go above the 5% threshold because they are particularly low on funds.

Here’s what you need to know.

What is council tax?

It’s a compulsory charge on all properties in England, Scotland and Wales, which is the main source of income for most councils.

Local authorities decide how much residents need to pay based on how much they want to spend on the services in their area.

These services include rubbish collection, libraries, police and fire services, snd libraries.

It also fluctuates according to each home’s value. They are all graded into different bands at a certain time, with more expensive properties being higher grades. Find out what your property’s is here, on the government website.

The average property in England – which will have been valued on April 1, 1991 – is and D. The yearly council tax for that is £1,966.

Scottish councils can set their own rates with complete independence, while in Wales, the government can cap the council tax rises if they are seen to be “excessive”.

Councils also receive some funding from business rates, and central government grants.

Who pays council tax?

Almost everyone over 18 who owns or rents a home has to pay council tax – that means tenants, not the landlords, are responsible for footing this bill.

If you live alone you can get a 25% discount, and student homes are exempt, as are those living in halls or residence or care home.

If you work away from home and your property is empty you can get it half price.

Why is the bill going up?

The UK already has the highest tax burden in 70 years.

The government has also agreed to let local authorities spend an extra £5.1 billion next year (that’s a 9% rise for local authorities), with the most deprived areas of England set to receive 17% more per household this year than the least deprived.

But, council leaders say they have “little choice” but to raise the tax to protect the services offered to residents.

Labour vice-chair of CCN, leader of Cheshire East Council, Sam Corcoran, said: “With inflation reaching levels not seen for over 40 years and with demand-led pressures for care services showing no sign of abating, local authority leaders are setting their budgets in the most difficult circumstances in decades.”

He said that while the cost of living crisis is affecting every household, particularly those on low incomes, many local authorities are “reluctantly opting for maximum rises”.

“With councils facing multi-million funding deficits next year, the alternative to council tax rises would be drastic cuts to frontline services at a time when people at the sharp end of the cost of living crisis need us to be there for them.

“With the financial situation for councils looking extremely tough for the next few years, we will be calling on the chancellor for further help in the March budget.”

The Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR) says this will raise £3.3billion in 2026/27, and will increase to £4.8billion in 2027/28.

What does this mean for your bills, in real terms?

It would add £98 a year to bills for the average Band D properties.

Band D properties in England already pay £1,966 per year – so from April, this will probably be around £2,064.30.

The council tax amount varies from property to property. To find out how yours might change, calculate 5% of your annual rate (find it here) and then add it on to your current bill.

What does the government say?

The government made it possible to increase the council tax levy by 5% without a vote last autumn.

Before that decision from chancellor Jeremy Hunt, local authorities needed to hold a referendum to raise the levy by more than 3%.

The government also seems to have encouraged councils to apply this money pressure to residents.

A Levelling Up department spokesperson said: “Our approach to council tax balances the need to deliver vital services while protecting residents from excessive increases.

“We expect local authorities to take into consideration the challenges many households are facing.”

Levelling up minister Lee Rowley is also reviewing the council tax system, after complaints about different amounts being raised in different parts of the country.

The UK Economy Has Flatlined. So What Does That Mean For Your Finances?

Posted on 10/02/2023 by Boris Clair

The UK just managed to avoid falling into recession towards the end of last year.

After shrinking for one quarter, it (ever so slightly) jumped back between October and December by just…not growing at all.

Chancellor Jeremy Hunt said this was a sign “our economy is more resilient than many feared” – but warned that we’re still not “out of the woods yet”.

It’s also worth noting that Friday’s data – which has helped experts decide if we’re in recession – is only the first estimate. These numbers are often revised later.

But what does all this mean?

What has just happened to our economy?

Data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) said the economy recorded zero growth between October and December.

According to the ONS’s director of economic statistics Darren Morgan, it comes down to a few different factors – including strikes.

“Public services were hit by fewer operations and GP visits, partly due to the impact of strikes, as well as notably lower school attendance,” he said.

“The break in Premier League football for the World Cup and postal strikes also caused a slowdown.

“However, these falls were partially offset by a strong month for lawyers, growth in car sales and the cold snap increasing energy generation.”

Across the whole of 2022, the economy did grow by 4%, despite the cost of living crisis squeezing household incomes.

What is a recession?

A recession is defined as two consecutive quarters (so six months in total) where the economy shrinks. This is also known as a decrease in the value of goods and services we produce, Gross Domestic Product, or GDP.

If GDP declines in value people’s income tend to fall.

In the third quarter of 2022, July to September, the economy did shrink by 0.2%. But because it didn’t shrink again the next quarter, we’ve just missed out on meeting the criteria for a recession.

The last recession was in 2020 at the height on the pandemic, but it only lasted for six months, although it did see a 20.4% reduction in the UK economy between April and June in 2020 though – the largest on record.

Before that, the 2008 global financial crash went on for five quarters.

Why is 2023 still expected to feel like we’re in recession?

Even if we don’t meet the technical definition for being in a recession right now, experts believe that it will very much feel like the country is in a period of negative growth already.

After all, the UK is still the only G7 country which now has a smaller economy than it did prior to the pandemic.

And experts at the International Monetary Fund (IMF) still expect the UK to be the only G7 country to fall into recession this year, and set to perform even worse than Russia.

And 2023 is still set to feel like a recession for many, according to an economist at National Institute of Economic and Social Research (NEISR).

“A focus on the economic crisis faced by most of the British population, rather than technicalities, offers a more insightful perspective,” NEISR’s Paula Bejarano Carbo told POLITICO.

One in four UK households (potentially seven million families) will not be able to fully pay off their food and energy bills in 2023 – that’s an increase from one in five last year, according to NEISR.

So how would a recession affect you?

The job market

Recessions usually trigger companies to let more people go, as consumers spend less and businesses have to adjust their margins.

This pushes unemployment levels up.

Employers may also reduce workers’ hours, cut wages, pull back on bonuses and financial incentives or introduce a hiring freeze to an effort to reduce their outgoings.

The stock market will probably struggle too. As people tend to send less, companies report lower earnings, investors consider liquidating their stocks.

Consumer buying habits

Everything becomes more expensive in a recession – and inflation is already at a 40-year-high of 10.5%.

The Bank of England has been increasing interest rates in recent months in an effort to decrease the double-digit inflation. That means the price of borrowing increases.

So your credit card balance will also come with higher payments, and anyone looking to secure a mortgage will likely only be offered more expensive deals.

Only if you have a fixed rate mortgage will your monthly payback stay the same.

So lenders may want to think twice before letting people take out loans, which could affect people’s ability to go after large purchases.

Government spending

More economic growth means the government usually gets more money in taxes.

It can then spend more on benefits, public services, government workers wages or reduce taxes – but this can equally all be negatively affected if the economy shrinks too.

How can you prepare for a possible recession?

The Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR) still expects the economy to shrink by 1.4% in 2023, with the recession causing an overall drop of 2% in GDP.

Although it is expected to grow again by 2025, it’s still best to prepare now.

Pay off your debt sooner rather than later – interest rates are expected to continue rising this yer
Save, if you can, in the event of sudden redundancy
Try to secure multiple sources of income
Look for a recession-proof career, if possible.

January Is Notorious For Job Layoffs. Here’s To Manage The Anxiety

Posted on 09/01/2023 by Boris Clair

January marks the start of a new year and many fresh beginnings – but it also kickstarts a grim month of layoffs.

In the first week of January alone, Amazon, Vimeo and Salesforce disclosed plans for mass layoffs. In a letter to employees, Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff said the company is cutting 10% of its workforce, explaining it had “hired too many people leading into this economic downturn we’re now facing.”

Over the last 10 years, January has been on average one of the most common months for layoffs, according to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics data. The reason is largely calendar-driven, experts say.

“We often see quite a bit of layoffs in January,” says Sarah Rodehorst, co-founder of Onwards HR, a company that helps businesses conduct layoffs.

“As they analyse their data from the last year, what budgets they have going forward, they really are planning strategies for the year, so there’s often a lot of restructures, reorganisations.”

Rodehorst says she is seeing an uptick in layoffs for the tech, retail, banking and insurance industries in the new year. If a company in those fields hasn’t made an announcement, she says, “chances are there is some planning happening.”

Another reason could be that many bonuses are typically awarded in January, too. “That’s a time when you also give bonuses, and so if you are trying to be mindful and not particularly ethical about who gets those and how much they get, some companies may try to take advantage of this” and lay off eligible employees instead of giving them their bonus, says Sandra Sucher, a professor of management at Harvard Business School who has researched layoffs.

If you’re worried about losing your job this month, that can send you into a spiral of panic and deep anxiety. Take a deep breath and plan accordingly. Here’s how to deal if you know or suspect a layoff is coming.

Recognise first that these intense feelings are totally normal

Losing a job is among the most psychologically stressful things we ever go through. One study asked 112 professionals to do a retrospective checklist of their most stressful life events, and losing a job as head of the household ranked above divorce, hospitalisation due to illness or injury and the death of a close friend.

Something that can help alleviate the anxiety? Focusing on what you can control instead of worrying about whether you will be laid off on some uncertain date. The decision to lay you off may have already been made weeks ago, so Gregory Tall, a workshop facilitator who coaches managers, does not recommend “working your tail off” in an attempt to be spared.

If you have heard rumours about layoffs coming, Tall instead advises assuming that you will be laid off and planning for that future. “It’s easier to cease all preparations than to begin all preparations if you don’t,” he points out.

Calculate your finances and document what you want to save now. This is the time to calculate and save for your emergency fund. Tall says to ask yourself, “Am I immediately in trouble? Because if so, I need to think right now about how to generate income.”

And while you have a job, save client testimonials and past performance evaluations that will aid you in a future job hunt. If you believe you may lose your job for discriminatory reasons, legal experts advise documenting everything now so that if you are suddenly let go, you can be prepared to take your evidence to a lawyer.

Reflect on what you’re good at and what you want to be good at. Losing a job can also be a time to reset and do a career pivot. If you do not know what you want to do next, Sucher recommends take a week or two to note which company stories interest you, what industries they are in, and what it is about them that interested you.

And if you have trusted colleagues, try asking them about your strengths. When she was contemplating a career move from Fidelity Investments to the faculty at Harvard Business School, Sucher says she asked trusted co-workers, “What was I good at?” to get insights that were helpful and sometimes surprising.

This exercise can also be a much-needed boost to your confidence.

“If you do get laid off, that is an assault to your ego,” Sucher says, noting that questions of “Why was I chosen when they weren’t?” are painful, regardless of how quickly you find your next job. “The people who do best at recovering from layoffs are people – and this is demonstrated from research – who have a positive mindset and they don’t blame themselves for the fact that they got laid off.“

See it as an opportunity to job-hunt. Although January is a month with heavy layoffs, it’s also a month where you are more likely to get a new job, too. Rodehorst says it’s the month where companies make the most new hires.

“A company that may be having layoffs may also be hiring in other areas,” she says, adding later that, “It’s the month with the highest level of change. The hiring and firing side, just as companies look to restructure their organisation and plan for the future.”

How To Pull Off A Therapy Session In The Middle Of Your Workday

Posted on 03/01/2023 by Boris Clair

Just as you take care of your physical health, therapy is an important aspect of taking care of your mental health. Making a therapy appointment can be a tricky task, especially if your therapist’s schedule overlaps with your workday.

It’s normal to experience a range of intense emotions following your therapy session. Understand that it may seem tough to transition back to work if you’re feeling emotionally and mentally drained. There are also a few ways to make going about your to-do list a little easier post-session.

If you plan to schedule your appointment during work hours, aim for a day when your workload may be lighter and you can work from home, if possible. Moreover, try to block some additional “transition time” in your schedule for after the visit, says Katie Duke, a nurse practitioner on the health care advisory board of the Figs clothing company in Santa Monica, California.

If you have the appointment on a busier workday, it is also helpful to inform your therapist if there are any important meetings that are happening after the session so that the therapist can also be mindful about tailoring what is talked about in the visit, says Alyssa Mancao, a therapist and founder of Alyssa Marie Wellness in Los Angeles.

Mancao also recommends being aware of time so you can spend the last 10 minutes of the visit on coping techniques to transition back to “work mode.”

And if you need a little extra help beyond that, here are a few expert-approved tips on how to pull yourself together after therapy if your appointment is during work:

Go for a walk

Mancao recommends going for a 15-minute walk after your therapy session to help calm your nervous system and transition your mind from being in “therapy mode.”

Take some time to get some fresh air and go for a walk outside or make a few rounds in your office building, if possible.

Try a quick breathing exercise

Deep breathing is a practice that helps cultivate mindfulness, aka. the ability to be present. Mindfulness can help calm your busy mind, improve your mood and reduce any stress you may be experiencing.

“Taking slow, controlled breaths that engage the diaphragm sends signals to our brain to evoke calmness and relaxation,” says Andrea Elkon, a psychologist with Best Within You Therapy & Wellness, based in Atlanta.

She recommends trying the following diaphragmatic breathing practice:

Aim to count to at least four as you inhale, imagining your diaphragm as a balloon filling with air
Exhale for at least another four counts, releasing all of the air

Taking a moment to unwind after your workday therapy session will help you better jump back into your tasks.

Give yourself a little pep talk

If you’re feeling especially overwhelmed or drained after your therapy session, understand that it is completely OK to feel this way. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t let your inner voice criticise you.

“Instead, remind yourself that seeing a therapist is one of the best investments you can make for your mental health and well-being. Shift your focus on how seeking therapy has made a positive difference in your life,” Duke says.

Engage your senses with a distraction

When you focus on your senses in the present, it will shift your attention away from the painful memories and emotions that therapy might trigger, Elkon says.

To engage your senses, try activities like colouring, rubbing lotion on your hands, playing with a fidget toy or drinking a cup of hot tea or a very cold drink.

Nourish yourself with a snack

If you scheduled a therapy appointment during your workday, make sure to have a snack and water on hand after the session.

“Your body will likely have a stress response to the therapy session, leaving you feeling depleted, and having a healthy snack with some water is a way to nourish yourself,” says Kristin Meekhof, a therapist and author of A Widow’s Guide to Healing.

Jump into your to-do list or plan an event

It may be comforting to feel in control by tackling some items you’ve been putting off.

“Engaging in some sort of task that involves your thinking or planning brain will quiet the emotion centres and help you feel centred in the moment,” says Neha Chaudhary, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of BeMe Health, a mobile mental health platform.

Chaudhary recommends drafting an email to someone at work (but not sending it!), writing down a grocery list or meal plan for the week, or thinking about the next place you want to travel and what activities you would do there.

Take it slow when going back to work

It’s normal to feel like you need to occupy your mind with work-related things immediately after your therapy appointment. However, be sure to not ignore any emotions you may be feeling.

Take slow steps as you start completing your work duties, and keep a journal handy to write down any of your thoughts and feelings as they come, says Regine Muradian, a psychologist based in California.

“Give yourself some grace, and remind yourself that you don’t need to finish everything today,” she says.