‘Where’s My Village?’: Millennial Parents Say Grandparents Are Missing In Action

Venting to Mumsnet members, a site user expressed a sentiment many parents seem to relate to online: they are “sad about grandparents not helping [with] childcare,” and feel let down by their lack of a “village”.

In a separate TikTok video, a millennial mum asked: “What if childcare costs are so expensive because there is a lack of grandparents’ willingness to help watch the kids?”

Responding to that video, a Gen X grandmother argued: “It’s not that grandparents are unwilling to watch their grandchildren – it’s that grandparents are still working full-time.”

And according to gerontologist Athena Chan, she’s right.

Grandparenting looks “significantly different” nowadays

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Chan said: “Grandparenting in 2025 looks significantly different from what Baby Boomers experienced” ― not least because grandparents themselves aren’t, as older generations’ parents may have been, comfortably retired from a single-income home.

“According to the Grandparents Today National Survey by AARP, the youngest grandparent today is around 38 years old, and the average age for becoming a first-time grandparent is 50,” she said.

“Many grandparents today are still in their prime working years,” and that’s before you even take into consideration that retirement is happening later and later in life.

“This shift challenges the traditional image of grandparents as retired figures with abundant free time,” Chan said.

Baby boomers and Gen X “recall their grandparents as retired, financially stable figures who could indulge them,” she added, but can’t always say the same about themselves.

Then, there’s location to consider.

While “weekly visits remain a regular part of life” for those who still live close to their grandchildren, adult children increasingly live far away from their own mums and dads.

Proximity has declined more for mums than dads, too.

So, “with increasing geographic distance, Baby Boomers are turning to smartphones and video calls to stay emotionally connected,” Chan added.

Many grandparents are trying the best they can, the expert said

Of course, some grandparents might simply be uninterested in their grandchildren’s lives – that’s unfortunate and can feel very difficult.

But many are trying their best in the same difficult economy all of us are struggling through, Chan said.

Using a grandfather in his 70s as an example, Chan shared: “Despite still working part-time, he takes immense pride in supporting his granddaughter, particularly as she navigates life after her parents separated.

“He shared how he helped her purchase essential household appliances for her new home, eager to ensure she had what she needed to start fresh,” she added.

“This generational shift in grandparenting highlights the changing dynamics of family life. Baby Boomers grew up with grandparents who were mostly retired, financially secure, and had time to indulge in their lives.

“Today’s grandparents are more active and involved, balancing work, caregiving, and financial pressures. Yet, through it all, they remain deeply committed to their grandchildren’s well-being.”

She concluded: “The core of grandparenting hasn’t changed, what has evolved is how grandparents show up for their families.”

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‘My Wife Wants Me To Become A Stay-At-Home Dad. Are My Financial Terms Fair?’

In a 2020 YouGov poll, 38% of mothers and 14% of fathers said they thought having kids hurt their careers.

That can take the form of reduced hours, taking fewer opportunities, and leaving the workplace entirely, respondents shared. “All of these factors tend to lead to stagnating or lower pay,” YouGov added.

In a now-deleted Reddit post, a site user asked members of r/AITAH (Am I The A**hole Here) whether that trade-off deserved financial compensation from their spouse.

So, we spoke to divorce lawyer and CEO of OW Lawyers Michelle O’Neil about whether the demands were fair.

A father wants a share of his wife’s property in return for becoming a stay-at-home dad

The post author said his pregnant wife, who makes substantially more money than he does, told him he was expected to become a stay-at-home dad when their first child was born.

The suggestion – which had not been discussed with the father beforehand – left the poster uneasy because he didn’t like how that might play out in the event of a divorce.

When he brought this up to his wife, he suggested she offer him a share of her property as a safety net in return for the career stagnation, lack of pay, and financial insecurity the lifestyle change could expose him to.

She didn’t seem comfortable with the arrangement, leading the poster to wonder whether or not his demands were unfair.

A divorce lawyer said his demand makes sense

O’Neil said that in her decades-long career, she’s seen firsthand “how decisions like this can create significant financial disadvantages for the spouse who steps away from their career”.

“While becoming a stay-at-home parent is a deeply personal decision, it must be made with full awareness of the long-term financial risks,” she continued, “particularly in the event of a divorce.”

Additionally, the divorce lawyer calls the discussion – or lack thereof – around the change a “red flag”.

“When one spouse dictates a major life change rather than engaging in a collaborative discussion, it often signals deeper power imbalances in the relationship which lead to bigger issues,” she told HuffPost UK.

“Decisions about career sacrifices, parenting roles, and financial security should be mutual, not unilateral.”

Explaining that staying home to look after a child can lead to a loss of earning potential, a smaller pension, a lack of asset equality, and financial dependence, O’Neil said the husband’s request for equity in the home is “a smart negotiation move”.

Though not everyone can offer a share of their home to mitigate those risks, the divorce lawyer advised: “Marriage is a partnership, and both spouses’ contributions – financial and otherwise – must be valued and protected.

“If one spouse makes a career sacrifice, the financial risks should be acknowledged and mitigated before the decision is made, not after.”

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I’m An Influencer. This Is The Dark Side Of My Job I Wish More People Knew About

It’s easy to scroll through TikTok or Instagram and see your favorite influencers sharing glamorous updates, whether that’s opening free gifts, walking red carpets or traveling.

At first glance, it looks like influencers are living their dream life ― and, in a way, they are. They have access and opportunities the general population doesn’t normally get, simply because of their follower count. But on the other hand, social media is a glorified highlight reel, and it does come with dark sides — even for people whose job is to be on social media.

According to a 2023 Morning Consult survey of 1,000 Gen Zers, 57% of them wanted to be influencers. That statistic is a clear example of how this career path is becoming more popular among young adults and the general population. But there are a few downsides you should know first.

To get the lowdown, we spoke to influencers about the dark sides of influencing they wish more people knew about. Here’s what they had to say:

Being an influencer is time consuming

Most jobs feel long and draining, whether you’re working a nine-to-five in an office or scheduled for a 12-hour shift at a clinic. When it comes to being an influencer, although the hours might not be predetermined, the time put in is still the same ― and sometimes even more.

“Being a content creator involves tons of editing, concept development and collaboration with brands,” said Savannah Vinson, a New York City-based influencer with almost 200,000 followers on TikTok. “For instance, a simple voiceover can take me six hours, not including the time spent filming or editing. It’s not always glamorous, even though people often think it is.”

Aside from creating the content itself, there’s also a lot of back and forth that goes on between brands before filming and posting take place. For example, for Vinson, time is spent coordinating visits and planning transportation to different locations in New York City and beyond to capture the content itself.

Not to mention the fact that social media makes us feel like we always have to be “on.” The same holds true for influencers ― you’re never truly unplugged from your job, making the actual working hours much longer than you think.

Social media can be fake

Aside from being time-consuming, Vinson told HuffPost that social media can be incredibly disingenuous.

“Everything looks polished, but behind the scenes, it’s all about angles, lighting and editing,” she said. “I try to show the full experience, but you can’t always trust what you see online. It’s important to follow your gut and remember that things aren’t always as perfect as they may seem.”

On social media, most people post their happiness and successes. Think about what you personally post; chances are you’re not constantly sharing about your conflict with your partner or the criticism from your boss at work. You’re also likely not uploading a photo you feel is unflattering. The reality is that there’s often a lack of vulnerability and truth about the full spectrum of your life, and that can be draining.

“I try to show the full experience, but you can’t always trust what you see online. It’s important to follow your gut and remember that things aren’t always as perfect as they may seem.”

– Savannah Vinson

Influencing can be detrimental to your mental health.

Peter Petrella, an Orlando-based influencer with 85,000 followers on TikTok, told HuffPost it can be hard to navigate strangers’ opinions and mean comments ― and that can take a toll on your overall mental health.

“Speaking online means that you’re speaking to millions. It’s safe to say that no matter what you say, there’s going to be someone that doesn’t agree or doesn’t like what you have to say ― and some people can be not so nice,” he said.

Petrella noted that he had to learn to not let the comments section discourage him and post regardless of what people think.

“Being able to stay true to your own integrity while not letting those that disagree get in your head is a learned mindset that becomes essential when you take the path of becoming an influencer,” he said.

You can’t control the algorithm — and that can affect your success

Although an influencer might have a lot of followers, that doesn’t necessarily mean every video they post is going to perform well.

“Sometimes, most random things go well, and something you thought was going to go viral does not perform as you wish,” said Karina Achaeva, a New York City-based influencer with more than 950,000 followers on TikTok. “It’s truly impossible to control the algorithm most of the time.”

This can be hard for influencers because this is the main way they get followers, but it also can be hard from a business perspective. This is because brands they work with have certain expectations when it comes to engagement (likes, comments, views and more) ― and your income can rely on that engagement. When the algorithm doesn’t surface your content, it can be challenging to meet those goals.

At the end of the day, influencing does come with a lot of perks: it can be lucrative, a way to make your own schedule and there’s obviously the potential for internet fame. But there are still some challenges, similar to any profession. Just remember that everything you see on your feed isn’t always reality.

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Why ‘Find A Job You Love And You’ll Never Work A Day In Your Life’ Is B.S.

“Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”

Ever since I entered the workforce about a decade ago, I’ve noticed versions of this expression on inspirational posters, mugs, online memes, laptop stickers and more. The phrase speaks to the idea that if you are passionate about your work, it won’t feel like a chore or a burden, but rather an enjoyable and fulfilling experience in which you want to take part.

This is all a nice idea, but even in a job you love, is it really possible to feel like you’re never working? I spoke to career coaches, psychologists and people who genuinely love their jobs to find out what they think about the expression and how it relates to the reality of work.

It makes sense why the phrase appeals to people.

“When so many people are stressed and burnt out by work, the idea that you could have a job that doesn’t ‘feel like work’ is incredibly appealing,” said Lauren Appio, a psychologist, executive coach and organisational consultant who specialises in mental health at work. “It’s aspirational and soothing for people who live in a culture like ours in the U.S., where there is little social safety net and people typically have to work very hard to make ends meet.”

Many people have very negative relationships with their work. Gallup’s latest State of the Global Workplace report showed job dissatisfaction to be at an all-time high, along with staggering rates of unhappiness and disengagement.

“You hear about the ‘Sunday Scaries’ or a ‘case of the Mondays,’” said career strategist Ana Goehner. “Some people also believe that everyone hates their job. This expression gives people hope that finding a job they love makes their negative feelings about work go away.”

While people commonly attribute the quote to Confucius, there’s very little information regarding the origin of “find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day.” Some citations of the expression date back to the 1980s, but it seems to be even more prominent in the Etsy era of embroidered quote pillows and inspirational memes.

“I think this mantra is almost as millennial as ‘live, laugh, love,’” said Kate Kennedy, author of the upcoming book “One in a Millennial” and host of the “Be There in Five” podcast. “I’m not sure when it became widespread, but I remember hearing it a lot in the early 2010s, whether it was a product of being post-recession, the start-up boom, or being in peak ‘Shark Tank’ America.”

Having entered the workforce amid the economic downturn of the Great Recession, Kennedy believes many young people were made to feel lucky to have any job at all.

“There comes the point of burnout where a lot of the joy is sapped from the hobby when it becomes your meal ticket.”

– Kate Kennedy

“That built-in sense of indebtedness to our employers normalised having a job you tolerated that paid the bills, so having a job you loved seemed like the most glamorous dream of all,” she said.

Meanwhile, technological advancements expanded our career options, with full-time bloggers, Instagram influencers and entrepreneurs monetising their hobbies through e-commerce and other new sources of income. Social media compounded the shift, as we saw people “just like us” showing off their flexible schedules, financial success and other aspects of these new aspirational work lifestyles.

“It’s hard not to find other people’s lives and careers more desirable based on how they portray them online,” Kennedy said. “It’s almost like the volume of options and the frequency of seeing successful examples of exercising those options created a sense of ‘elsewhere’ for careers, where during the moments you are feeling job dissatisfaction, it’s hard not to idealise doing something else.”

But the reality is often detached from the ideal.

“It’s important to acknowledge that not everyone has the luxury of choosing a job they love,” said Elizabeth Pearson, a women’s career coach and author of “Career Confinement.” “For many people, their work is simply a means to an end, and they may not find much enjoyment or fulfilment in it. Additionally, even if you do love your job, there will still be times when it feels like work ― deadlines, difficult projects and long hours can all take a toll on your energy and motivation.”

Having a job you love is no guarantee that you won't face challenges, difficult co-workers and other obstacles that make it feel like work, at least sometimes.

We Are via Getty Images

Having a job you love is no guarantee that you won’t face challenges, difficult co-workers and other obstacles that make it feel like work, at least sometimes.

Stressful situations, terrible bosses, difficult co-workers, economic downshifts and other obstacles can arise no matter how passionate you feel about your work. Thus, “find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life” is, for most people, more of a feel-good statement than a feasible reality.

“I see this idea sold to service professionals: Work for yourself and do what you love,” Goehner said. “But few people discuss the challenges of building a business and performing tasks you dislike. Few people talk about the issues you face and all the learning involved. Doing what you enjoy should be the norm, but it’s still work. You are still trying to make a living.”

Even if you have the freedom to take a leap and monetise your hobby, it probably will still feel like work at times.

“There comes the point of burnout where a lot of the joy is sapped from the hobby when it becomes your meal ticket,” Kennedy said. “The biggest issue for me when I started a product-based business was not having access to capital to outsource or hire out many of the functions to get off the ground efficiently, so it all fell on me to figure out, which ended up with me working way more hours for a lot less money than I made in my corporate job.”

The job doesn’t magically feel like it’s not work once you’ve found a sustainable way to make a comfortable living, either.

“I absolutely love my job, and I’m still beat by the end of the day,” Appio said. “It requires deep, sustained focus and active emotional processing and regulation for hours at a time. Outside of my sessions, I also complete paperwork, manage all of my billing, marketing and communications with clients and colleagues, offer consults for prospective clients, develop and deliver trainings, and pursue continuing education.”

Any job comes with difficult days, including one that overall brings fulfilment and joy. And it’s normal to not always want to devote the required time and effort to the job.

“Even when you find work you love, jobs are temporary,” Goehner added. “In our current economy, you won’t likely spend your entire career with one company and do the same tasks. Even people who dedicate their lives to their careers may have tough days or perform tasks they dislike. You do what you enjoy, receive pay and hopefully get recognised for your efforts.”

What you ‘love’ doesn’t always translate to success or happiness.

“Telling others to ‘do what you love!’ is an oversimplification. Doing what you enjoy is not enough. Doing what you’re good at ― and being willing to stick with something, even when what was fun is no longer so fun ― can be just as important,” said Gorick Ng, a career adviser at Harvard University and author of “The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right.”

Consider whether you can leverage certain skills or expertise to succeed in your field.

“Maintaining the belief that work you love isn’t actually ‘work’ can create shame for people who feel burnt out or overwhelmed by work that they do truly love. This is especially common in work like health care, mental health and education.”

– Lauren Appio

“The expression doesn’t help people see possibilities based on where they are in their careers now,” Goehner said. “You can use your skills, gain new ones and find a workplace where you use 60-70% of the skills you enjoy. Sometimes, feeling a sense of expertise and having the freedom to share that at work can help you feel a sense of purpose or connection with your job.”

If you’re feeling drawn to a completely different path, give it a lot of thought and do your research. Ng emphasised that the idea of something is often more interesting than the thing itself.

“Would I like to be a musician? Sure! Can I sing to save my life? No!” he said. “And does singing the same song over and over again in a different city each week still sound fun when I haven’t been home for six months? I’m not so sure.”

“Your number one passion may not be a realistic career,” Goehner added. “I’d love to take care of baby pandas, but the likelihood of this happening is minimal. Also, what you love may not provide a decent living for yourself or your loved ones. It could be a source of income, but you may need to supplement it with another job. Love doesn’t always pay the bills.”

Even if you love a hobby like photography or baking, that doesn't mean you'll necessarily love the business of doing that hobby as a career.

Morsa Images via Getty Images

Even if you love a hobby like photography or baking, that doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily love the business of doing that hobby as a career.

Additionally, consider how you feel about the business of the thing you love, not just the activity or hobby itself.

“It’s great to have a dream job, but it’s also important to remember that you may not like the day-to-day tasks associated with monetising that dream,” Kennedy said. “I started a handmade business selling home decor where I hand-painted things, and I loved the category, I love working with my hands and being creative and I loved the idea of self-employment. But I didn’t spend most of my days doing an artist’s work ― I was mostly buried in things I was less passionate about, like shipping, fulfilment, customer service, and inventory management before I could afford help in those areas.”

Ng shared a time he met a talented photographer and asked if he wanted to pursue his art as a full-time career.

“His response surprised me,” Ng recalled. “He said, ‘I love taking photos, but I hate the business of taking photos. The minute I start relying on photography to pay the bills is the minute I’ll stop loving it.’ Be honest with yourself if you’re thinking of turning an interest into a career. Do you love the business of doing something as much as you love doing the thing itself? Not everyone will say yes to this question and that’s OK.”

The expression sets up workers for dissatisfaction and shame.

One problem with this idea about work? “It can keep people preoccupied with finding their ‘dream job’ and experiencing a chronic sense of dissatisfaction,” Appio said. “Because if your work feels like work ― as work does ― does that mean you’re doing something wrong?”

This fantasy of doing what you “love” and never feeling like you have to work can also lead to feelings of guilt or shame for those who don’t take a huge leap. This is especially true in the age of social media when we frequently see “creators” sharing all the highlights of their careers and few if any of the downsides.

“When I was in a corporate job, I wondered if I had ‘sold out’ or forwent meeting my potential by working in the corporate world,” Kennedy said. “Sometimes, it creates a fear that you actively chose to do something you don’t love when you could have followed your passion.”

There’s a sense of guilt for those who do make the choice to pursue a passion-based career.

“Maintaining the belief that work you love isn’t actually ‘work’ can create shame for people who feel burnt out or overwhelmed by work that they do truly love,” Appio said. “This is especially common in work like health care, mental health and education. Professionals in these areas may feel guilty or ‘ungrateful’ for experiencing compassion fatigue or needing a break.”

She also believes the “find a job you love and you’ll never work” expression can be used to further devalue creative or mission-driven work.

“If you love your job, people will often tell you that you ‘didn’t get into it for the money,’” Appio said. “But we all work to earn money, and even if we’d do our work for free in a different world, we all deserved to be paid well for the work we do.”

But it’s not completely off base.

“This is actually an expression that I believe in myself, and there have been moments where I lived it,” said career coach Jasmine Escalera. “The thing is, I do believe the expression needs to be tailored because it isn’t just about finding work you enjoy, but finding work that is connected to your purpose, to your passions and to your strengths.”

She believes a job that integrates the skills or tasks you’re particularly good at can make you feel inspired and as though you’re not working at all.

“The company culture is such an integral part of enjoying the work, as well,” Escalera said. “So I would say not just find a job you love, but find an environment that will let you be the most successful version of you, and you’ll never feel like you have to work a day in your life.”

Other experts offered their own rewrites of the expression.

“To make the expression accurate, I’d say, ‘Find a job you enjoy and that recognises your efforts, and build time for hobbies and activities that bring purpose outside of work,’” Goehner said. “You are more than your job.”

“I’d tell people if they haven’t found a job they love, to find a job comprised of tasks they like and do what they love on the side,” Kennedy added. “Jobs are often more about the day-to-day than the broader industry or buzzwordy job description, and paying attention to the type of work you find engaging can be a good way to find job satisfaction within the confines of being employed by someone else.”

Whether you’ve monetised a hobby or simply work to pay the bills and seek greater purpose elsewhere, Ng noted that there is no objective right or wrong in your approach to your career, just a difference in personal choices and values.

If you do want to find meaning in work, however, he shared this rewrite: “Find something that brings you joy and purpose every day, and you’ll always have something to look forward to.”

“Ultimately, the idea that you should ‘find a job you love’ is a good one, but it’s not always realistic or feasible,” Pearson echoed. “Instead, it’s important to strive for a job that aligns with your values and provides some level of fulfilment, while also being realistic about the fact that work is still work, even if you love it.”

This story was previously published on an earlier date.

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This Is How Being A People Pleaser Is Ruining Your Career

Being a ‘people pleaser’ sounds like a good thing on the surface, right? You please people?

However, as the British composer Elizabeth Parker once said: “The only thing wrong with trying to please everyone is that there’s always at least one person who will remain unhappy. You.”

This couldn’t be more true in the workplace. While working hard and helping your colleagues can feel good and progress your career, you may soon find yourself burnt out and bitter.

Careers expert and founder of Social Media Jobs, Rob Phelps, spoke with us to explain why people pleasing in the workplace can be harmful, and how to break the cycle.

The dangers of people pleasing in the workplace

It’s a recipe for burnout

While it may just feel like doing ‘small’ things to help others, Phelps warns that saying yes to everything, taking on extra work on top of your own to-do list and prioritising other people’s needs over your own can lead to ‘serious burnout’.

Phelps said: “The constant state of busyness can take over and make it difficult to focus on your core responsibilities, and potentially mean mistakes or missed deadlines, for the sake of helping too many people with their own deadlines.”

It can make you almost invisible

If you spend a lot of your time making sure that you’re helping other people, it’s likely that your own voice and needs will get lost.

Phelps said: “People pleasers often shy away from advocating for themselves or putting forward their ideas, so it can be difficult to get noticed for your contributions and ideas.”

He also warned that this lack of visibility can reduce your chances of getting a promotion or being put forward for new challenges or projects.

It can weaken boundaries

Phelps warned: “People pleasing often means weakening your boundaries, both professionally and personally.

“Your time, expertise, and energy are valuable, and constantly giving them away for free can lead to frustration and resentment, and this can start to bleed into your personal life too.”

He said that you may find yourself checking work emails while on holiday, or saying yes to taking on more tasks when you’re actually off sick, or even accepting friend requests from colleagues on private social media accounts — all of which are ignoring your own boundaries and comfort levels.

How to break free from people-pleasing

Understand why you do it

Phelps said: “The first step is understanding why you feel the need to please everyone around you.

“Is it a fear of disapproval? A lack of clarity on your own goals that makes you take on extra work to avoid having time to work out what you really want?”

He added that talking to somebody you admire at work or even friends and family can help you to get to the root of the underlying cause and address the patterns and start saying no.

Know your own worth

Recognise your skills and contributions! You deserve to be valued for what you bring to the table, and when you feel invisible it can have a serious impact on your confidence in your abilities.

Phelps advised: “Take time to reflect on your accomplishments and successes, to boost your confidence and help you advocate for yourself more effectively.”

Set and keep boundaries

Phelps said: “Setting boundaries isn’t just about saying no to others, it’s about saying yes to yourself. When you prioritise your own growth and wellbeing, you become a more efficient and fulfilled member of the team.”

To do this, you need to learn to politely say no to taking on tasks that aren’t part of your job, explain that you’re prioritising your own workload and offer alternatives solutions if possible.

Phelps added: “You might be surprised at how understanding people are when you stick to your boundaries rather than saying yes to everything.”

Advocate for yourself

Sometimes you have to remind people of everything you do if they’re not paying attention. Don’t be afraid to share your ideas and opinions, even if they’re different from what everyone else is saying. Your perspective is valuable and deserves to be heard.

Be patient with yourself

Finally, Phelps urged, you need to be patient with yourself.

He said: “Remember that change is a gradual process, and after years of saying yes, it can feel strange to start saying no. Be patient with yourself and celebrate progress.

“By putting yourself first, you’ll be able to achieve a healthier work-life balance, and ultimately have a more fulfilling and successful career, rather than letting your desire to keep everyone else happy hold you back.”

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7 Things You Should Never, Ever Do In Your First Week At A New Job

During your first week at a job, what you do or say can leave a lasting impression on your new colleagues. And you want to make sure it’s a good one.

That’s because, while you may have gotten the job, the evaluation is not over. Your new boss, your new department — there will be many eyes carefully assessing how you fit with the team.

HuffPost asked career experts about the actions and strategic missteps that will make you memorable in a bad way as a new hire and what you should do instead to ensure you’re received positively.

1. You’re late.

It’s normal to get lost in a new building or to underestimate your new commute, but if you’re late to meetings on your first week, you will make a bad first impression about your time management skills.

“You don’t want to be showing up to meetings three or four minutes late … you want to be respectful, be punctual,” said Mary Abbajay, president of the leadership development consultancy Careerstone Group.

To account for time you may spend lost, give yourself at least a half hour more than you need to get to work or a meeting.

2. You are a know-it-all.

When you’re a new hire, people will be evaluating your competence, commitment and compatibility, said Gorick Ng, a Harvard career advisor and creator of the “How To Say It” flashcard series for professional communication.

You may think that pointing out what is wrong or what does not align with how you’ve seen things done before will show your competence. But being overly confident in your own expertise will win you more enemies than allies.

Even if you privately believe that your new employer’s way of getting work done is outdated, be open-minded and curious.

You can show that curiosity by asking polite questions. So, “Rather than say, ‘This isn’t how we did things at _____,’ try saying, ‘This is interesting! Could you help me understand the thought process behind _____? It’s a bit different from what I’m used to, but I’m excited to learn your way of doing things,’” Ng said.

You also want to show that you’re a quick learner who is dedicated to getting up to speed. When in doubt, try saying, “I know you said earlier that _____ is important. Would this be an example?” Ng suggested.

3. You don’t play the ‘new card.’

Patricia Schwartz, an executive coach who works with new hires, said playing the new card is a strategic advantage new hires should leverage.

“You can interact with people that you might feel more intimidated to interact with later,” she said.

But you need to be thoughtful about your first impression. Don’t just send every colleague the same generic message, because that “risks coming across as spammy,” Ng said.

When in doubt, Ng said you should focus on “building relationships with the people that you are already meeting and then introduce yourself to the people that you will soon work with, with a message like, ‘Hi! I’m _____ and I’m the new _____. Just thought I’d introduce myself!’”

4. You don’t follow the dress code.

What is appropriate to wear for a job can vary, so don’t assume your T-shirt and jeans will work.

“Dressing inappropriately is also a mistake that I think people make,” Abbajay said.

Typically, your hiring manager will let you know how buttoned up you need to be for the office. If they say that “we have a very informal culture” during your interview, then “that means they probably are more of a Friday casual look,” Abbajay said.

If they haven’t told you what is and isn’t OK to wear yet, you should be able to look it up. Often, employee handbooks outline dress code policies. You could also ask your new boss or team member, “What is the general dress code here?” Abbajay suggested.

5. You overshare.

There is a clear line between being cordial and assuming an intimacy you don’t actually have with a new co-worker. Don’t cross over into the latter in your first week.

“I was working with this woman once we were new colleagues. And in our first time working together on a task, she told me so many things about her personal life that were just TMI, like how she left her first husband,” Abbajay said. “All of these things really made me want to avoid her … it was just too much too soon.”

6. You gossip.

Are you noticing whispered arguments and muffled laughs when certain colleagues walk in? When you join a company, you are also joining its culture, where there can be warring factions.

Be careful not to engage if you get roped into gossip about other team members.

“Do not align yourself with any group in your first week,” Abbajay said. “Just listening is kind of engaging. So I would either excuse myself, change the topic or turn around and say something nice about the person they’re gossiping about if you have met them.”

7. You don’t touch base with your manager.

Out of all the people you will meet during your first week, the most important relationship you need to establish is the one you have with your boss.

“A very high percentage of people will leave their jobs because of the relationship with the boss,” Schwartz said.

To build that foundation of trust between you and your boss, you need to align your communication style and get on the same page about what’s important.

Ideally, your boss is checking in with you during your first week to have that conversation. But if they are not, you should proactively ask for a one-on-one meeting before the week is over.

“A lot of times bosses don’t reach out because maybe they just got busy, they didn’t hear from you or they’re managing a lot of people,” Abbajay said. “But this is why you should not take that as a sign that they don’t want to talk to you.”

Here are strategic questions career experts previously told HuffPost that you should ask your new boss to understand them better:

  • What’s the best way to approach you with a question?
  • How would you like to communicate day-to-day and week-to-week?
  • What work, project or priority is top-of-mind for you right now?

Observe if you get lukewarm or enthusiastic support for your questions. Managers are evaluating your early performance, and you should be too.

The first week is “so much information. It’s really overwhelming,” Schwartz said. To learn what’s important, she suggested taking notes about how staff talk about their jobs and your experience being there, or debriefing with a friend to get a second opinion.

She also said you should reflect on whether your manager is playing their part or if more of the responsibility to get up to speed keeps falling on you.

“Usually the first few months [are] often a probationary period. So the employee also is determining, ‘Is this a good match for me?’” Schwartz said.

By asking the right questions and paying attention to the culture of your new company, you can figure out if your new job is or isn’t a good fit sooner rather than later.

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10 Undeniable Benefits Of Working From Home, According To Science

Four years since the COVID-19 pandemic forced businesses to shut down office spaces around the world, remote and hybrid work seems here to stay.

About a third of US workers who can work from home now do so all the time, according to a Pew Research Center survey from March 2023. (The majority of U.S. workers – 61% – do not have jobs that can be done from home, Pew notes.)

Still, there are a lot of work-from-home skeptics out there – most of them C-level business executives. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has remarked that engineers “get more done” in-office, and JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon said that remote work “doesn’t work for those who want to hustle” while calling all US-based employees back into the offices in May 2021.

Companies that insist on mandatory full-time attendance at the office do so at their own peril; today’s employees value the autonomy that comes with remote or hybrid work and are increasingly leaving workplaces that forget they have lives outside their 9-to-5.

In March 2022, Microsoft’s second annual Worker Trend Index found that 53% of respondents prioritise their health and well-being over work, “and if unhappy, more than half of Gen Z and millennial respondents said [they’d] seriously consider switching employers over the next year.”

Of course, working from home is not without its drawbacks. Many working women say they feel greater conflicts between their job and family roles while teleworking, and studies have shown increased rates of depression and anxiety during remote work. (Though it’s worth noting, most of the research was conducted while respondents were living through an active pandemic ― stressful in its own right.)

Still, with increased social support and systems put in place by managers and organisations trained in managing hybrid teams, research also suggests there’s plenty of benefits to working from home. Below, 10 studies and surveys that quantify just how game-changing remote work can be for employees and companies.

Remote workers experience a better work-life balance

Prior to the remote work era, a healthy work-life balance often felt like a pie-in-the-sky goal for workers: nice to idly dream about but never quite attainable. Now, it’s more in reach: Among hybrid workers who are not self-employed, 71% say working for home at least partially helps them balance their work and personal lives, according to the Pew Research survey.

They don’t feel micromanaged, either, despite being out of the office and outside the eyeline of their bosses. The same Pew survey found that employees who work from home at least some of the time (71%) say their manager or supervisor trusts them a “great deal” to get their work done when they’re out of the office.

Working remotely can halve an office worker’s carbon footprint

Working from home isn’t just good for your morale, it’s also pretty good for the planet. According to research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences last year, people who work remotely all the time produce less than half the greenhouse gas emissions of on-site employees.

Hybrid work arrangements help some, too. Working remotely two or four days a week reduced an individual’s emissions by up to 29% compared with office workers.

In 2015, Xerox reported that its teleworkers drove 92 million fewer miles, reducing carbon dioxide emissions by nearly 41,000 metric tons.

Working remotely two or four days a week reduced an individual’s emissions by up to 29% compared with office workers.

FG Trade via Getty Images

Working remotely two or four days a week reduced an individual’s emissions by up to 29% compared with office workers.

Remote workers tend to eat more healthy ― up to a point

Research on remote work can be a little contradictory – is it good for your mental health or does it lead to depression? – so in December 2023, British researchers set out to interpret over 1,930 academic papers on teleworking and hybrid work arrangements.

What they found was that people working from home tend to feel lower rates of stress, eat healthier meals and have lower blood pressure.

The study, funded in part by the British National Institute for Health and Care Excellence, pointed out some negatives, too. One of the studies reviewed found that 46.9% of employees working from home had put on weight. Another study put that number around 41%. Remote workers also tended to drink and smoke more.

A downside for workers: Remote employees work longer hours

Though working from home is often equated with laziness and low productivity, the aforementioned British study found that remote workers tend to work longer hours and that their work is more likely to bleed into evenings and weekends. Regrettably, they’re also less likely to take sick time.

Another study – this one tracking more than 60,000 Microsoft employees over the first half of 2020 – found that remote work led to a 10% boost in weekly hours.

One drawback was less collaboration. The Microsoft study, published in the journal Nature Human Behaviour, found that cross-group collaboration dropped by about 25% of the pre-pandemic level.

Less commuting time means more time for work

Remote employees are working more because they’re spending less time stuck in traffic. One 2023 University of Chicago study looked at data from 27 countries and found that remote workers saved 72 minutes in daily commuting time. On average, employees spent about half an hour of that extra time engaged in daily work, which comes out to more than two hours a week.

Since the pandemic, some social scientists have highlighted the downside to eliminating the daily commute: In one 2022 study published in the Organisational Psychology Review, researchers argued that commutes are a source of healthy “liminal space” – a time free of constraints from work and home that gives people a chance to recover from the workday and mentally prepare for reentering the home.

“Without the ability to mentally shift gears, people experience role blurring, which can lead to stress,” the study’s co-authors wrote in The Conversation. “Without mentally disengaging from work, people can experience burnout.”

Remote or hybrid work options may help with employee retention.

Worried about losing your employees to more enticing offers? Give them the chance to work from home. In 2019, video conferencing company Owl Labs surveyed 1,200 U.S. workers between the ages of 22 and 65 and found that remote workers were 13% more likely to stay in their current job for the next five years than on-site workers.

When asked if the opportunity to work remotely would make them happier, 83% of the survey respondents agreed, while 80% agreed that working remotely would make them feel like their employer cares.

People of colour say they’re able to manage stress better working from home

More Black professionals want flexible work policies than their white, Asian and Latino colleagues, according to a 2021 study conducted by The Future Forum, a research consortium organised by Slack.

Black workers reported a 50% increase in their sense of workplace belonging and a 64% increase in their ability to manage stress when they began working from home.

In the wake of the pandemic and office closures, many Black Americans spoke of how draining microaggressions in their office environments can be.

“Most of my interactions with my co-workers are very focused on the work that we’re doing, and for me, I appreciate that,” Christina, a Black software engineer, told HuffPost in 2021 after switching to remote work. “Sometimes hearing your co-worker’s opinions on current events are not really the most inclusive opinion. It’s nice that I don’t have to delve into that with them.“

Black workers reported a 50% increase in their sense of workplace belonging and a 64% increase in their ability to manage stress when they began working from home.

FG Trade via Getty Images

Black workers reported a 50% increase in their sense of workplace belonging and a 64% increase in their ability to manage stress when they began working from home.

Mothers and caregivers report higher rates of well-being with hybrid work

A March 2023 study out of the University of Melbourne found that women – especially mothers and caregivers – reported improved well-being when they’re given the option to work from home. The researchers posited that such flexibility helps women balance paid employment with unpaid caregiving and household duties, which women disproportionately bear the brunt of.

Remote work has been a benefit for people with disabilities, too

Workers with disabilities appreciate the option to work from home because it reduces transportation and accessibility challenges they face going into the office every day. It also allows them to better manage chronic health conditions.

“Before COVID-19, work from home was generally not popular, and disabled people had to try hard to get these accommodations,” Meenakshi Das, a software engineer focused on accessibility, told HuffPost in 2021. “It took a pandemic for people to realise how accommodations are low-cost and totally doable, and I hope it stays that way.”

There’s benefits for employers, too. Almost two-thirds of disabled employees believe they were more productive when working from home than at an office or external workplace, according to a 2023 study out of the University of New South Wales in Sydney, Australia.

Workers with disabilities appreciate working from home options because it reduces transportation and accessibility challenges they face going into the office.

Dejan Marjanovic via Getty Images

Workers with disabilities appreciate working from home options because it reduces transportation and accessibility challenges they face going into the office.

Employees with flexible schedules tend to have better mental health

Employees at workplaces that prioritize flexibility and higher job security are less likely to experience serious psychological distress or anxiety, according to a March 2024 study published in JAMA Network Open. The study, which polled more than 18,000 U.S. workers, defined “job flexibility” as the ability to adjust their own work schedule to meet personal demands.

Workers with flexible schedules were 13% less likely to experience daily anxiety, 11% less likely to experience weekly anxiety and 9% less likely to experience anxiety several times a year. The researchers also found that increased flexibility and job security led to reduced absenteeism ― a win for everyone involved.

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The 6 Most Common Pieces Of Job Advice You Should Definitely Ignore

Everyone has opinions about how to get a good job and keep one, and it’s hard to figure out which pointers are actually helpful to follow.

What your well-meaning uncle, professor or manager says you need to do for your next job move may actually be disastrous to follow. To be savvy, you need to learn how to weed out the kernels of good career tips from the bad.

To help professionals avoid these mistakes, we asked career experts to share the worst, most common pieces of job advice you’re going to hear a lot in your life. Read on to learn why these boilerplate outlooks can hold you back and what alternative advice you should follow instead.

1. Only apply for jobs that you meet all the qualifications for.

Too often, women and people of color stop themselves from applying to jobs where they don't meet every qualification.

Graphicscoco via Getty Images

Too often, women and people of color stop themselves from applying to jobs where they don’t meet every qualification.

This is bad advice because job descriptions are not necessarily realistic and are often written as a “wish list” from the employer’s point of view, said Cynthia Pong, founder of Embrace Change, a career coaching and consulting firm.

“Many people, especially women of colour, people of colour, women in general and others from underrepresented backgrounds or with non-traditional career paths, may self-select out of applying because they don’t meet all the criteria listed,” she said.

Just because a job listing states a desired education requirement does not mean you actually need it. For example, in 2017, Accenture, Grads of Life and Harvard Business School conducted an analysis of 26 million job postings and 600 business and HR executive surveys. They found that 67% of the job postings required at least a bachelor’s degree, yet only 16% of employees who were already in those jobs held that degree. The findings are a reminder that many jobs do not require a college degree to succeed, despite what companies advertise.

Instead of taking yourself out of the running before you apply, Pong advised that it is better to “apply if you meet most key qualifications.”

If you have every skill and experience listed in the description, the job opportunity is likely a lateral career move. But if the role is going to push you beyond what you already know, that’s a sign of a good stretch opportunity, and that’s what actually helps you grow in your career.

One important caveat, though, is that a hiring manager is not going to automatically understand why your unique skill set makes you the best hire — you need to explain that to them.

Pong said job seekers should use the cover letter or other application materials “to connect the dots for the hiring manager as to how your past experience is transferable and will enable you to excel in the particular role, even though you may not check all the boxes for them.”

“As someone on the hiring side, I look at the overall qualities and growth potential that a person brings to the table more than their specific skill set, especially if the person demonstrates a strong ability to learn and teach themselves how to do new things,” she continued.

Even if you do not get the job, applying for the role puts you on an employer’s radar.

“If someone’s not a fit for a particular role, it’s a great opportunity to keep them in mind for another role or future work,” Pong said.

2. Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.

The message behind this common feel-good platitude is that passion alone will make the drudgery of work go away. But there’s no one correct way to feel about your job. It’s perfectly normal for a job to just be a paycheque that funds your life outside of it. Even dream jobs that are fulfilling and meaningful come with hard days, difficult deadlines and the potential for burnout.

Sometimes, the activity you love to do most is an unrealistic career. Don’t be guilted into monetising your passion hobby into your next side hustle just because you enjoy it. In some cases, it’s better to keep your ceramics hobby as a relaxing extracurricular than your next career.

As Gorick Ng, a career adviser at Harvard University and author of “The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right,” previously told HuffPost, “Do you love the business of doing something as much as you love doing the thing itself? Not everyone will say yes to this question and that’s OK.”

It’s normal to want meaning and purpose in what you do for a living, but don’t put more pressure on your work to be more than work. Ng suggested rewriting the advice of “find a job you love” to say, “Find something that brings you joy and purpose every day, and you’ll always have something to look forward to.”

3. You should stay in a job at least a year for your resume.

Instead of sticking it out, it's better to prioritize your well-being and leave a job that is no longer serving you.

Xavier Lorenzo via Getty Images

Instead of sticking it out, it’s better to prioritize your well-being and leave a job that is no longer serving you.

There is an outdated assumption that the longer you stay at a job, the more reliable and responsible you seem to other employers.

Although some employers do judge “job-hoppers” as disloyal, there are many more who understand that a career at one company is unrealistic for people to achieve now in an unstable job market.

Harleny Vasquez, a career coach and university speaker, said she tried following the “stick it out” advice when she was starting her social work career.

“I remember feeling burnt out and unsatisfied, and the idea of sticking it out at one job only added to that frustration,” she said. “What’s more, I already had a history of job-hopping, so pivoting felt like I was breaking some unspoken rule and made me feel guilty.”

From that experience, Vasquez learned that “it’s OK to prioritise your happiness and growth. If a job isn’t fulfilling you, it’s perfectly fine to explore other options.”

“Don’t let guilt hold you back from finding a career path that truly fits you,” she added.

Having multiple jobs can actually make you a more desirable candidate.

“Employers now often look for candidates who have a range of experiences, have tackled various challenge and have a demonstrated ability to adapt to new environments and learn quickly,” said career coach and diversity consultant Ebony Joyce.

Instead of the outdated advice to stick it out, a more relevant and empowering approach is to actively manage your own career paths, Joyce said. To do that, she recommended embracing continuous learning and being open to training in new skills that are relevant to what you want to do.

“Regularly assess whether your current role aligns with your personal values and long-term career goals,” she said.

4. Make yourself indispensable.

The message behind this clichéd advice is that if you work hard to make an impact at your job, your company will reward your efforts and help you succeed. It can be comforting to believe, but arbitrary layoffs of talented individuals show the glaring problems with this viewpoint.

“I think that this advice makes us feel like we have some control over what companies decide to do when we absolutely do not [have control] if a company decides to eliminate a product or shut down a division or scale down a department,” career and leadership coach Phoebe Gavin previously told HuffPost. “They’re just going to do that.“

Instead of following the advice to “make yourself indispensable,” Gavin said employees should focus on building up their layoff resiliency. They can do this by building up their financial cushion and investing in their network, so that it’s easier to walk away from a role that’s not working for them.

“Humans are social creatures, we tend to share information and give the benefit of the doubt to folks that we know,” Gavin said. “And so if you have great skills, but you don’t have a great network, it is still going to be much more challenging for you to step into another role.”

5. Take on the extra work for the exposure.

Too often, professionals are asked to take on unpaid assignments or additional responsibilities outside of their role because it will supposedly be good for their career.

“These requests come with the promise of increasing experience or enhancing visibility, but what is often not considered is that the employee is often not given the institutional support to thrive,” said Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite, a career coach and licensed psychologist.

Horsham-Brathwaite said she’s been given this advice and has taken on extra work or roles without a title, but it did not help her career.

“I felt devalued and a bit resentful, and it impacted my ability to be as effective in the role,” she said.

Before accepting any task for exposure, you should have a “formal and financial acknowledgment of the role you are being asked to take on,” Horsham-Brathwaite said. “If the company is unwilling to do so, use this as an opportunity to find a role or organisation that sees your value.”

But take this advice on a case-by-case basis. Sometimes, doing something for exposure can actually help your career. If it can give you a new ally or a marketable skill that you want, it may be worth it.

Pong gave the example of someone being asked to lead a committee at work. The extra role would be additional, uncompensated work, but it would give this person access to meet certain influential people in the company and also build relationships with them. Working closely with these leaders could convert them into mentors who can later advocate on behalf of this employee.

“So if there were a significant likelihood of this kind of win in taking on the additional work, then it could well be worth it,” Pong said.

6. Wait for things to get better.

Don't just wait for work issues to sort themselves out.

AsiaVision via Getty Images

Don’t just wait for work issues to sort themselves out.

Nell Wulfhart, a decision coach who helps professionals get “unstuck,” said the bad advice she often sees clients take is to stay at a job when a work issue does not change because someone keeps promising it will.

Wulfhart shared the classic example of when a colleague quits and you’re asked to pick up their duties.

“‘It’s temporary,’ you’re told. ‘We’re going to hire a replacement ASAP,’ and then they don’t. And you just keep doing two jobs,” she said. “Whenever you ask when things are going to change, you’re told, ‘Change is coming, management is working on it.’”

Wulfhart said clients will often come to her to ask if they should quit their job because a promised reward, promotion or raise hasn’t arrived.

“They know that rationally it makes sense to quit, but there’s always a sense of hope that the people in charge will make good on their word, despite the lack of evidence to the contrary,” she said.

Instead of waiting around, Wulfhart said that it’s better “to look at what the company does, not listen to what they say.”

“Are they making a visible effort to hire that replacement, get you an assistant or give you a raise? Or are they just talking? Have you seen them make promises in the past and fulfil those promises or not?” she said. “Try ignoring the words for a while and observe actions instead ― you’ll have a lot more data with which to make your decision.”

Actions speak louder than words. One of the hardest yet most rewarding career lessons is knowing when enough is enough and when it’s time to move on.

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I Hid My Disability At Work For 6 Years. When I Stopped, My Entire Life Changed.

In 2002, I planned a monthlong solo trip to Australia.

On my second day on the trail, while crossing an ankle-deep stream, I slipped and my body flipped 180 degrees. I hit my head and then rolled off the side of a waterfall. The waterfall was about 3 feet high and I landed in a reservoir pool. A German tourist, who happened to be there, dragged me out of the pool.

After the fall, I sat on the riverbank — stunned, confused and very concussed — while my tour leader climbed down the bank to meet me.

“Do you want medical attention?” the 20-something tour leader asked.

My mind flashed back to the medical insurance I had booked for the trip. “Emergency helicopter evacuation costs an additional $250,000,” it read.

“I’m OK,” I replied quickly.

On the short hike to our base camp, I repeatedly tripped and bumped into things. My clothes were covered in blood and my body had cuts and bruises everywhere. I stayed at camp and skipped the hikes for the remaining two days. When I finally got back into Sydney, I walked into the hotel lobby and a guest looked at me before loudly announcing, “Can someone get this woman medical attention?”

With my cuts, bruises, disoriented demeanour, and the same muddy and torn trail pants, I can only imagine how alarming I looked.

At this point, I was too concussed to evaluate what my medical insurance would or wouldn’t cover. And so I refused medical attention and assured the staff I just needed to rest.

A few days later, I flew back to the States.

As my bruises and cuts healed, I thought the worst of it was over. I saw a doctor in New York who ran some tests.

“Everything looks clear to me. You’ve just had a bad concussion,” he said.

Before the accident, a regular day of my life included a 5 a.m. workout, working my corporate marketing job until 10 p.m., and then attending weekday drinks out with co-workers, friends or clients. Somehow, among all that, I maintained a social life and part-time freelance gigs.

A few months after returning from Australia, my co-workers and I were invited on a yacht trip hosted by Forbes magazine. As the boat left the dock, I knew something wasn’t right. I felt disoriented, unwell, and struggled to hold a conversation. I sat in one spot for the whole trip.

When we got back to the harbour, I held onto the rail as I took careful, unbalanced steps. “Wow Jill, it seems like you didn’t hold back on those cocktails,” a co-worker teased.

I hadn’t drunk at all. One of my colleagues helped me into a cab, and I assumed I was seasick.

A few more months went by and I attended a business lunch where something similar happened. I was looking out the windows of the restaurant watching the curtains float in the breeze and cyclists zoom past. I felt woozy and as if I were underwater. I couldn’t concentrate on what my colleagues were saying. When I tried to go to the bathroom, I struggled to stand up. My body flopped back into the chair like a rag doll.

“I think I need to leave,” I said. Strangely, I returned to the office for the rest of the workday. Somehow, I made it back in one piece.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’m seriously not right,” I remember thinking. I was scared.

I booked countless doctor appointments. Whenever a specialist realised they didn’t know how to help me, they stopped answering my phone calls. I had no answers. I was determined to figure it out so I started tracking my triggers: constant movement in my line of sight, flickering lights, loud ambulance sirens, the brakes of the New York City subway screeching to a stop, loud baritone voices — and the list went on. In other words, New York City had transformed itself from a bustling wonderland to a total vestibular nightmare.

Even though I was noticing triggers, I still had no explanation for regularly appearing drunk, slurring words, being unable to concentrate and exhausting easily.

Without a diagnosis or even the vocabulary to describe what was happening to me, I felt a tremendous amount of shame and guilt. I must have done something wrong. How could I be so dumb? I also feared what my injury would mean for my job security. It felt like everyone around me associated value only with high levels of productivity. I had reason to believe that my worth was based on my output. Who wants someone with an undiagnosed head injury on their team?

It is estimated that 10% of people in the United States have an invisible or non-apparent disability. I’d like to think that corporate culture has more awareness and training on disabilities than it did in the early 2000s. However, research shows that there’s still a long way to go. According to Harvard Business Review, most people with non-apparent or invisible disabilities choose not to disclose these to their managers for fear of being seen as less capable and having their career progress stalled.

In the years following my injury, my brain’s default was: If they know, I will lose out on opportunities. Eventually they will fire me. And if I lost my job, then the unthinkable would happen: I’d lose my employer-sponsored health insurance.

Outside of rent and food, all my income was going to medical practitioners that weren’t covered by insurance. Some years, I was paying $50,000 in medical bills (half my salary). I resented that I worked just as hard but I didn’t have the same financial freedom my co-workers had. (I was often asked why I didn’t own an apartment yet and the implication was that I must have spent all my money on shoes.) But without a steady income and health insurance, the diagnosis and treatment plan I desperately wanted would never happen.

For six years, I didn’t tell anyone at work, including HR. As the years went on, I occasionally opened up to a boss whom I saw as an “ally.” Most of the time, they didn’t really listen to me (or my admission was viewed as an inconvenience or it was a “private matter” like getting my period).

And so, I stopped speaking up. I tried to manage triggers as best I could to hide my disability. But “sucking it up” was slowly killing me. My symptoms were getting worse and my vestibular attacks were becoming longer and more frequent.

My catalyst to change my circumstances was a horrible appointment with a neurologist.

This doctor informed me that — to prevent continued deterioration — I needed to avoid all forms of transport or I’d eventually be completely bedridden because, after all, he had “seen this before.”

“Enough! You don’t get to tell me how my life is going to play out” was my primary thought. I resolved to figure out a solution for myself, since health care had failed me.

I read every book, web forum and magazine on brain health. Learning about vestibular disorders and accessing the vocabulary to describe my condition was my ultimate breakthrough. I realised it wasn’t all in my head. I learned why certain triggers caused vestibular attacks.

Discovering clinical language empowered me to be able to describe what I was experiencing. It also gave me evidence of triggers to avoid.

At this point, I had advanced to a higher level of leadership in corporate. My role in the company coupled with my deep knowledge of brain injuries meant I was able to advocate for myself.

I was no longer asking for permission to have my accommodations met.

Instead, I would simply ask people if they could stop swaying their bodies so we could finish our conversation. Or I’d ask them to please quit shaking their leg, which vibrated the floor and therefore me. Or to please cease pounding the conference room table when they wanted to make their point. I clearly explained that these actions created vibrations that triggered my vestibular disorder. It was not easy for people to understand or remember.

My entire life changed.

I started setting healthier work boundaries. I unequivocally prioritised my health. When I was working, I was fully present. Eventually, I transitioned into entrepreneurship, because I knew my skill set could be expertly translated to coaching and helping people working in corporate with their career strategy ― and I could maintain higher quality health on my own schedule.

From my own informal research, so many people with disabilities work for themselves because it’s often a more predictable environment than working for an employer.

Looking back, I wonder if my journey would have been different if I had felt comfortable telling people about my disability. Perhaps it would have if there was more awareness and compassion toward people with non-apparent and invisible disabilities. If employer handbooks mentioned non-apparent and invisible disabilities, maybe I would have felt safe speaking up. Or maybe when I did address my disability with leadership, my condition would have been met with compassion rather than criticism.

Instead of living in hiding for six years, perhaps it would have taken me one year to own my disability. Or a few months. Instead of living with shame and guilt, maybe I would have experienced a more inclusive experience.

I often describe my head injury as a gift. Because of it, I am a better leader. I have heightened empathy, I have more compassion, I seek diversity and inclusion in all spaces, and I have a totally positive outlook on life. Anything is possible. But it took me decades to realise this truth.

I truly hope to live in a society that makes this journey easier for anyone else who is born with — or acquires — a non-apparent or invisible disability. This all starts with a culture of support, openness and compassion.

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This Is What Life Might Look Like If There Was No Gender Health Gap

The gender health gap is a well-documented and widespread phenomenon, where women’s health concerns are regularly sidelined, neglected or dismissed.

To take just one stunning example, the British Heart Foundation explains that women 50% more likely to be misdiagnosed when suffering from a heart attack than men.

Twice as many women as men die from the underlying cause of heart attacks too – coronary heart disease.

Meanwhile, erectile dysfunction (which affects 19% of men) is studied in research five times more often than PMS, (which affects 90% of women), according to ResearchGate.

And endometriosis – where tissue like those which line the womb are found outside of the organ – can cause fertility issues, pain, fatigue and heavy bleeding as well as wellbeing issues. It takes an average eight years to be diagnosed.

Much of the issues come down to a lack of research and funding into women’s health.

The first ever plan to reduce these inequalities was only introduced last year in the government’s Women’s Health Strategy. It’s a start, but the examples mentioned above show we are still a long way off gender health equality.

So, what would life look like if women had the same healthcare as men? Women’s intimate health brand INTIMA has produced a report imagining just that – and its findings are extraordinary.

1. Equal health would shrink the gender pay gap

The gender pay gap is an issue women still struggle with around the world. From November 22, the average woman in the UK is effectively working for free until the end of the year – that’s how large the discrepancy between women’s salaries and men’s salaries is.

As UK charity Fawcett Society notes, working women in the UK take home £574 less than men each month – that works out to £6,888 each year.

The charity calls for more flexible working in an effort to improve women’s pay.

But it’s also worth recognising that health plays a large role, too. A whopping 89% of people experienced stress or anxiety in the workplace because of their period.

INTIMINA points to research dating back to 2015, which claimed women in the UK take 17 million sick days a year because of PMS. A third of women also take at least four sick days a year.

More than a third reported heavy menstrual bleeding too, which has been connected to higher unemployment and workplace absences.

In fact, 2019 research from Standard Life shows women lose on average £5,469 each year in time off while waiting for an endometriosis diagnosis.

Research from BUPA found a million women dropped out of work because of unmanaged menopause symptoms.

If these conditions were better researched, addressed earlier and talked about more openly, it could reduce absenteeism in the workplace, INTIMINA suggested. Flexible working would help deal with these conditions, too.

2. Economic boost

If there was no gender health gap, It could save £18 billion a year, according to INTIMINA.

That’s because endometriosis costs the economy £8.2 billon a year through treatment, loss of work and healthcare costs.

So it makes sense to invest in services to help treat these conditions.

And, according to the NHS Confederation, every pound invested in the NHS ends up giving £4 back to the economy by boosting productivity and workforce participation – truly, a win-win.

3. Boost for perinatal care

Healthcare professionals too often miss new mothers’ mental health struggles, the report revealed.

Research from 2021 suggested one in four new mothers weren’t asked about that side of their wellbeing during check-ups from doctors, with the focus often being on the newborn rather than the mum.

NHS England’s website also explains: “Perinatal mental health problems that are not treated effectively cost society £8.1 billion every year, with the annual cost to the NHS estimated at £1.2 billion.”

Suicide is the leading cause of maternal death during pregnancy and up to one year after it ends in the UK.

But as INTIMINA pointed out, many of the physical issues like incontinence or prolapse can be treated with early intervention and physiotherapy – which can help make new mothers’ lives a little easier.

Ariel Skelley via Getty Images

4. Orgasm gap? Eradicated

Research from 2018 suggests women in lesbian relationships orgasm 86% of the time, and women in straight relationships 65% of the time.

For men, it’s 95% of the time in straight relationships and 89% of the time for gay men – meaning there is an orgasm gap.

Gynaecological cancer charity The Eve Appeal also found women are five times more likely to feel ignored when looking for medical help with reproductive health issues.

But, if women felt more comfortable getting to know their own bodies and speak to their doctors, INTIMINA suggested this would change.

Reduced pain, better mental health and better sex would all have knock-on effects for women’s relationships, too.

5. Women’s mental health improves

More research into conditions impacted by women – like PMS and Endometriosis – could offer a substantial boost to women’s mental health.

If endometriosis could be diagnosed after the first GP appointment – instead of after the average eight years – it would help relieve the 95% of patients who reported it had a negative impact on their wellbeing.

Women with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) are three times more likely to have a mental health issue, while nearly half of those who suffer from premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) have planned for a suicide attempt at some point in their lives.

INTIMA claimed: “Earlier diagnosis and more effective treatments would help to reduce the mental health toll of menstrual and reproductive health issues. Symptoms would no longer be a barrier to living a full and well-rounded life.”

The brand suggested that, in turn, this would help reduce depression and anxiety among those who suffer.

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