US Love Is Blind fans will know that Stephen Richardson’s fallout with fiancee Monica Davis involved scandal, sex, and… a sleep test.
Among other shady behaviour, the most recent episode of American Love Is Blind saw Monica finding sexts to another woman on Stephen’s phone that were sent while he was engaged to her.
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He said of the event, “I did make a completely stupid mistake while being drunk at a sleep test with somebody who texted me.”
We don’t know if he was actually doing a sleep test at the time, and his actions were obviously slimy regardless.
But if you’re anything like us, you might be wondering what a sleep test even is ― and it turns out it can be a pretty useful tool (that said, the secret to a truly seamless sleep is a clear conscience).
What’s a sleep test?
According to healthcare provider Cleveland Clinic’s site, a sleep test, or sleep study, is officially known as a polysomnogram.
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It’s a “diagnostic test that tracks and records how multiple body systems work while you’re asleep,” they say. It’s used to diagnose sleep disorders.
It tracks things like your heart brain, and respiratory system as you sleep. It can be used to spot things like insomnia, sleepwalking, and sleep paralysis.
Sleep studies are “similar” to an oximetry test, which “involves wearing an oxygen monitor on a finger during sleep and can often be done at home.”
The NHS says these can be helpful if you have signs of sleep apnoea.
When you’re awake, symptoms of sleep apnoea may show up if you:
feel very tired
find it hard to concentrate
have mood swings
have a headache when you wake up.
At night, your partner may notice your:
breathing stopping and starting
making gasping, snorting or choking noises
waking up a lot
loud snoring.
What if I want one of these tests?
If you’re worried about your sleep habits, your doctor may refer you to specialist clinics which can facilitate sleep investigations.
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Studies range from heart monitoring options (a respiratory polygraph) to inpatient observation and movement monitors (actigraphy).
Inpatient observations are the “polysomnograms” we mentioned earlier.
For what it’s worth, sleep studies usually ask participants not to drink ahead of the exam, or to only have as much as you usually do.
Congratulations, folks. We’ve done it. We’ve made it through the longest January on record.
Our reward? A whole load of new TV, movies and more on Netflix to keep us amused over the next four weeks.
February 2024 will see long-awaited dramas, returning favourites and intriguing international offerings making their debut on the platform – as well as a certain major awards show streaming live on Netflix for the first time.
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Intrigued? Check out 10 of our top picks coming to Netflix in the month ahead…
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What’s it about? A new comedy from Malaysia that’s comparable with Sex Education, waxer Chu finds it easy to discuss all things sexual in her popular vlog, but when she’s presented with the themes of her channel in real life, things prove to be a bit trickier for her.
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What’s it about? Based on David Nicholls’ much-loved book (which itself inspired a hit film in 2011, starring Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess), One Day tells the story of a pair of best friends with undeniable chemistry, checking in with them on the same day over a period of 18 years and checking in with their personal highs and lows.
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What’s it about? Arguably the documentary that put Sunderland AFC on the map (and inspired Ryan Reynolds’ purchase of Wrexham for his own Disney+ show), Sunderland ’Til I Die follows the inner workings of the team over the course of a season, as well as key members of its fanbase.
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After two successful series, Sunderland ’Til I Die is back for one last outing, charting several recent triumphs for the club.
Netflix says: “The six-part documentary provides unprecedented access into the inner workings of Sunderland A.F.C.; from the board to the admin staff and the first team to the fans, in an enduring image of passion and aspiration.”
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What’s it about? Now into its sixth season, Love Is Blind is back for a brand new batch of episodes just in time for Valentine’s Day.
You know the drill by now. Love Is Blind follows couples from their first meeting to the moment they get engaged – the only catch being they can’t see one another face-to-face until someone gets down on knees. From there, we see their journey from isolation pods to the altar as they ponder whether love truly is blind.
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Netflix says: “The hit reality series is back for a sixth season, following a new set of singles from Charlotte, North Carolina — all ready to cut through the static of modern dating and forge authentic relationships, sight unseen.
“This season, the singles form deep and immediate connections, setting the stage for an unexpected journey full of twists, turns, and shocking revelations that will test each relationship well after the participants leave the pods for the real world.”
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What’s it about? Essentially a cross between Love Island and Squid Game, this new series from Thailand imagines a world where the number of baby boys being born is dwindling and, as a result, so is the world’s population.
To remedy this, women need to compete for the attention of the few men that are left in a reality TV format dubbed – you guessed it – Ready, Set, Love.
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Netflix says: “In a parallel universe, female newborns vastly outnumbered their male counterparts due to an inexplicable pandemic. As men become rarer, they are hailed as ‘national treasures’, and women must win their affections in a government-sponsored competition called ‘Ready, Set, Love’.
“‘Day’ is an ordinary young woman who is unexpectedly accepted into the competition where she meets ‘Son’, the most popular guy, and sparks fly. Together they uncover a conspiracy operating beneath the surface, which threatens their love and the world they have come to know.”
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What’s it about? Alright this one isn’t strictly a Netflix original, but for many people, the streaming platform is going to offer the only chance to catch this Oscar-nominated film.
Nominated for two awards at the upcoming Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Past Lives introduces us to childhood friends Nora and Hae Sung, who are torn apart when one of them moves from their home country of South Korea to the States. Years later, Hae Sung pays a visit to Nora in New York, and she begins re-evaluating her life choices.
Advertisement
We’re giving you fair warning now – get ready to cry.
Netflix says: “After losing touch, two childhood classmates with a magnetic connection wonder where destiny will push their friendship when they reunite as adults.”
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What’s it about? Mixing real-life archive clips with new dramatised footage, this docudrama explores lesser-known parts of Albert Einstein’s life, and the impact of his work on the modern world.
Netflix says: “What happened after Einstein fled Nazi Germany? Using archival footage and his own words, this docudrama dives into the mind of a tortured genius.”
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What’s it about? After achieving huge success with their live-action remake of One Piece last year, Netflix is no doubt hoping it can work similar magic with this new spin on the animated fantasy drama Avatar: The Last Airbender.
This new take on the classic series features teen actor Gordon Cormier as the titular Avatar Aang, with Lost star Daniel Dae Kim playing Fire Lord Ozai.
Netflix says: “Water. Earth. Fire. Air. The four nations once lived in harmony, with the Avatar, master of all four elements, keeping peace between them. But everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked and wiped out the Air Nomads, the first step taken by the firebenders towards conquering the world.
“With the current incarnation of the Avatar yet to emerge, the world has lost hope. But like a light in the darkness, hope springs forth when Aang, a young Air Nomad — and the last of his kind — reawakens to take his rightful place as the next Avatar.
“Alongside his newfound friends Sokka and Katara, siblings and members of the Southern Water Tribe, Aang embarks on a fantastical, action-packed quest to save the world and fight back against the fearsome onslaught of Fire Lord Ozai . But with a driven Crown Prince Zuko determined to capture them, it won’t be an easy task.”
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What’s it about? Between Sex/Life, Obsession and Fair Play, erotic thrillers are having a real moment over on Netflix. This latest offering centres on defence lawyer Mea Harper, who takes on a case that winds up turning her entire life upside down.
Oh, and yes, that’s Destiny’s Child singer Kelly Rowland in the lead role.
Netflix says: “When criminal defence attorney Mea Harper takes on the murder case of artist Zyair Malloy, the truth isn’t as obvious as it seems.
“While she tries to determine the innocence or guilt of her cagy-yet-seductive client, it is uncovered that everyone is guilty of something. Tyler Perry’s Mea Culpa explores what happens when burning desire takes hold and things get hot… and dangerous.”
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What’s it about? Yep, Netflix has even got in on the awards season fun now.
The last “big one” before the Oscars, the Screen Actors’ Guild Awards recognises the best individual and ensemble acting performances from the past 12 months from both the world of TV and film – with actors themselves doing the voting.
And given what an eventful year the Screen Actors’ Guild has had, this could be one to keep an eye on. For the first time, the SAG Awards will be streaming live worldwide on Netflix – but set your alarm, because the fun gets going in the early hours of Monday 25 February.
Netflix says: “The award show for actors, by actors, celebrates its 30th year.”
Little did we know when Love Is Blind first landed on our screens back in February 2020, that its concept of finding romance while in isolation would foreshadow the virtual dating trend that came about during lockdown.
Fast-forward three years, and the Netflix reality show is now one of the most popular dating formats on TV, with its fifth season having just launched on the streaming platform.
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As we celebrate its return – and look forward the forthcoming UK version that is currently in the works – here are 11 well-kept secrets that might come as a surprise to even the biggest Love Is Blind fans…
Who pays for those engagement rings?
Chris Coelen – who created and produced Love Is Blind – told Variety that when it comes to rings, male contestants are given a choice of “10 or 12 different styles and colours”.
When Jackie from season four decided to keep her ring, despite breaking off her engagement with Marshall, she wrote on her Instagram: “As for the ring, Marshall did not pay for the ring, Love Is Blind paid for all the rings.”
However, other contestants brought rings to the pods with them that were passed down from their families, such as season two’s Kyle, who gave Shaina his mother’s engagement ring.
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Season four’s Brett poses with his engagement ring
SCOTT GREEN/NETFLIX
How far in advance is the show filmed?
There is a lengthy period between when the show is filmed and when it airs.
For example, speaking on his YouTube channel about the show, Cameron from season one said viewers regularly came up to his parents asking “Are you worried that Lauren is going to say no [to his proposal]?”
He added: “But they were already at the wedding a year and a half ago when it was filmed.”
Do all the couples make it on TV?
No, they do not.
During season one, the production team was shocked by the amount of engagements that occurred, and had to scale back due to budget and time restraints. Unfortunately, this meant two couples who got engaged in the pods didn’t make it on TV (although it’s worth pointing out that neither of them are together now).
The same thing happened when the second season saw two couples getting together, only for their stories not to make it onto the screen. In this case, both couples split before making it to the altar.
How are people cast for Love Is Blind?
Lexie from season one told Cosmopolitan: “I was contacted on Instagram about this new Netflix show, and it came at a time when I was just really fed up of dating.”
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Meanwhile, Cameron from the same season, said: “Lauren and I did not apply for casting. Casting from Kinetic [Content] reached out to us for the show. For me, I got text messages.”
The stars of Love Is Blind season one
Is the show scripted?
Producer Chris Coelen has insisted the show is not scripted. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, he said: “As a producer, I was kind of nervous, like, is anybody actually gonna get engaged? Is anyone going to make it to the altar?”
Adding to this, season one’s Cameron said most of the conversations held on the show were spontaneous and organic, and that there were no scripts involved.
The only artificial thing he saw was when a producer held an iPad in the background urging him to ask a fellow contestant how his date went.
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“I don’t see that as a big deal, that’s a question I would have asked anyways,” Cameron added.
The boys debrief during season one of Love Is Blind
Are contestants banned from posting their relationship status online until the show is completely aired?
While the contestants are on the show, they are not allowed phone or computer access. After filming is wrapped, they all seem to keep their relationship status private online until the show is completely aired.
Chris told the LA Times that there isn’t a mandate in place prohibiting them from posting their relationship update or singleton status. However, they are suggested to hold off from sharing clues.
“People are going to do what they’re going to do. But I think generally people buy into the idea that this is something that they do not want to spoil for the audience,” he said.
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Are the pods soundproof?
In order to have private and romantic conversations, the pods are soundproof, and only the contestants on the dates can hear what is being said.
“Even if you’re yelling in one pod, you can’t hear it in another,” Chris told Netflix Tudum. He added, “They’re also each fitted with a glass roof and are tall enough — about 40 feet high — that contestants can look up and daydream.”
The Love Is Blind pods are completely soundproof, and fitted with glass ceilings
Are the weddings legally binding?
The weddings on Love is Blind are real so if they break up they would have to get a divorce. Chris told Bustle, “If they choose to get married, yes, it’s a legally binding marriage.”
Bliss and Zach on their Love Is Blind wedding day
SCOTT GREEN/NETFLIX
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How long are the contestants actually in the pods for?
The contestants only have 10 days to find their future partner in the pods. Usually, these dates last around 15 minutes at a time.
However, when sparks do start flying, they can range from around three to four hours, like they did for Cameron and Lauren. Typically the contestants go around 20 dates during their time in the pods.
Speaking with Netflix Tudum, Chris describes the period as “10 days of 24/7 intensive therapy”.
“They’re trying to identify every single thing that might be important to talk about before they choose to marry someone,” he added.
The pods are the most iconic part of any season of Love Is Blind
How long does it typically take them to get engaged?
Season one’s Cameron said he proposed to future wife Lauren in just nine days. However, he noted that Netflix made it seem like only four days.
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After couples are engaged, they then have 28 days to decide whether they want to tie the knot. Within this period, the lovebirds will go on a couples retreat, after which they are returned to the real world to see how they fit into each other’s lives.
Cameron pops the question during season one of Love Is Blind
Which couples are still together?
From season one, Lauren and Cameron are still going strong, as are Amber and Barnett. When it comes to season two, all couples parted ways in the end.
From season three, Alexa and Brennon are still coupled up, and so are Colleen and Matt. From season four, the most recent season, three couples are still married – Bliss and Zac, Kwame and Chelsea and Brett and Tiffany.
The first four episodes of Love Is Blind season five are available to watch on Netflix now.
Here’s something few of us are brave enough to admit about long-term relationships: We don’t always end up with our first choice.
Sometimes, we settle for “second best” ― and usually, that’s OK.
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Technically, we’re all someone’s “second choice,” at least if your partner ever had an ex whom they intended to be with long term. Yes, that means you may be your current S.O.’s second choice without realizing it. (Sorry for waking up and choosing chaos with this article!)
That slightly uncomfortable relationship subtext was made explicit in the most recent season of “Love Is Blind,” Netflix’s notoriously messy dating show where singles meet through a wall, fall in love and propose without ever seeing each other.
One of the couples, Jarrette and Iyanna, became engaged after Jarrette failed to secure a “yes” from his first choice, a contestant named Mallory. (Bear in mind, he had an easy chemistry with both women, arguably to an equal degree.)
After sitting with the fact that her would-be fiancé had basically proposed to another woman before proposing to her, Iyanna said “yes.” (She’d also gotten reassurance from Jarrette that what he felt for her was genuine.)
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Iyanna and Jarrette were one of the few couples whose storyline ended in marriage, and a year later, they certainly seem to be happy and in love, at least going by their recent interviews, the reunion show and their many loved-up Instagram posts.
Still, many fans of the show felt discomfited by how it all played out.
“IYANNA, DON’T BE A SECOND CHOICE,” tweeted “Never Have I Ever” actor Maitreyi Ramakrishnan. “STAND YOUR GROUND.”
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Others pointed out that there was actually something hyperrealistic about the reality show romance. (A reality show giving us realism? Since when!?)
“As much as I dislike Jarret [sic] not picking my Iyanna first, people forget that in reality some of us are actually someone else’s second choice, we just don’t know,” writer Dami “Oloni” Olonisakin tweeted, to a refrain of “sad but trues.”
The problem with ‘The One’
Why are so many of us icked out by the idea that people will end up with their “alternate picks”? (Outside of the fact that the language of “second choices,” “backup plans” and “alternate picks” is, admittedly, pretty icky.)
Maybe it’s because we’re eternally, hopelessly, wedded to our belief in soul mates. Personally, I think the sooner you disabuse yourself of the idea that you have exactly onesoul mate wandering the Earth looking for you, the sooner you can date with clear eyes and intention and actually find a decent person.
There’s not just The One. There’s The Ones ― people who, with enough physical chemistry and mutual effort, could be perfect, loving, long-term partners for each of us. (Singles especially should embrace the plurality of The Ones ― the odds are in your favor!)
Kate Stoddard, a marriage and family therapist at Wellspace SF, agrees that people’s ideas about soul mates set them back.
“I think this ancient narrative of ‘the one’ ― or ‘first choice,’ if we wanted to put it in those terms ― can be really problematic to modern couples,” she told me. “It’s also why people feel uncomfortable about second choices.”
“‘The One’ presumes that there is one person that can fulfill the heart’s desire, and we will ‘just know’ when we meet them, when really, there’s a lot that goes into how we select our partners,” she said.
We have to look for physical attraction, of course, but also an intellectual and emotional connection. Then there’s the considerably less sexy stuff: logistical things like family values, political/religious compatibility and for some folks, socioeconomic status.
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“The One” isn’t always the one who can provide you with emotional stability in the long run. Those first-round picks aren’t always the most stable, especially if you grew up in a household with emotionally unavailable or fragile parents. It’s all too common to mirror that in young adulthood by seeking out emotionally unavailable partners.
“If you haven’t assessed and addressed early wounds, you may look for a partner that repeats a generational pattern,” said Akua K. Boateng, a psychotherapist and owner of Boateng Consulting. “If this is true, your first choice could be more harm than good even if you’re passionate about them. Your second choice may be more stable.”
As one man said in a viral Twitter thread about second choices in 2018, “My greatest loves didn’t necessarily go hand in hand with being the best relationships.”
If anything, shows like “Love Is Blind” and even “The Bachelor,” for all its myriad problems, have demonstrated how complicated it is to figure out the most compatible partner for you, said Samantha Burns, a millennial dating coach and author of “Done With Dating: 7 Steps to Finding Your Person.”
“It’s hard to decide who you love or want ‘the most’ because people make us feel different ways and elicit different versions of us, and those feelings are constantly changing, intensifying or decreasing,” she said.
If your first choice is unavailable ― emotionally unavailable, geographically, or in any other way ― or doesn’t bring out the best in you, there’s nothing inherently wrong with choosing someone of quality who is available to you. You just need to be willing to leave person No. 1 in the past.
“Choosing someone else who is available doesn’t mean you’re ‘settling,’” Stoddard said.
<img class="img-sized__img portrait" loading="lazy" alt="Generally speaking, there's nothing wrong with choosing someone else who is available to you if that person possesses all the qualities you’re looking for in a long-term partner, Stoddard said.” width=”720″ height=”720″ src=”https://www.wellnessmaster.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/people-marrying-their-second-choice-is-more-common-than-you-think-3.jpg”>
CSA-Printstock via Getty Images
Generally speaking, there’s nothing wrong with choosing someone else who is available to you if that person possesses all the qualities you’re looking for in a long-term partner, Stoddard said.
People who married their ‘second choice’ sound off
Peter, a 33-year-old construction worker, certainly doesn’t feel like he “settled” with his wife of five years, Ann.
The proverbial “one that got away” for him was his high school sweetheart, Sharon. The two met at a bowling tournament in eighth grade. Over strikes and spares, they hit it off almost instantly.
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“Back then, we were talking daily, at night into the wee hours of the a.m.,” Peter, who like others in this story, asked to use his first name only to protect his privacy. “We just got each other.”
Unfortunately, college got in the way of their early-aughts romance: Sharon was headed off to a school in North Carolina while Peter went to Rutgers in New Jersey.
Even 500 miles away, Sharon kept her spell-like hold on Peter.
“Like, even when we knew we weren’t going to be together and that life changes, I could never fully unclasp from her grasp even if I wanted to,” he said. “She knew the vulnerabilities of me that I never let anyone know for a long time.”
At some point in his freshman year of college, Peter knew he’d have to distance himself from Sharon or he’d never be able to find someone else or even fully enjoy college life. He wrote her one final email and cut off all contact.
After allowing himself a period of “healing” ― “at the time my idea of healing was the whole, ‘the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else,’” Peter joked ― he ended up meeting Ann, his future wife.
The relationships he formed with both women couldn’t be more different.
Sharon “will forever be part of who I am,” Peter said, but the relationship was untenable. It didn’t have legs, and not just because of the physical distance. Young and in love (and more than a little naive), Peter relied on Sharon and their relationship as his sole source of happiness.
“Maybe I was just a sucker in love but she could tell me to jump and I’d ask ‘how high?’” he said. “I was a people pleaser when I was young. After that and seeing how I put so much of my happiness in the hands of someone else, I refused to do that ever again.”
With Ann, he’s self-contained and happy on his own, but even happier in her company ― the gold stamp of a solid, healthy relationship.
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“We are the yin to each other’s yangs,” he said. “We complement each other so well, and we feed off each other’s energies. But we also recognize our individualities and understand that at the end of the day, the only person responsible for your happiness is yourself. Ann taught me that and I’m so grateful.”
“When people threw the words marriage or a family with Ann, I never flinched or got anxious. I had a sense of calm flowing through me. That’s how I knew.”
– Peter, a 33-year-old construction worker who technically married his second choice
There’s a common belief, famously referenced in an episode of “Sex and the City,” that men will marry whoever is around once they decide to settle down ― but that wasn’t the case for Peter.
The marriage had nothing to do with happenstance, timing or distance: Nothing like “Ann was there and Sharon wasn’t.”
“It wasn’t even that I wanted to get married, actually,” Peter said. “It was more that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Ann.”
“When people threw the words marriage or a family with Ann, I never flinched or got anxious,” he added. “I had a sense of calm flowing through me. That’s how I knew.” (And if you’re curious, Ann knows about Sharon.)
Others are less sentimental about ending up with their second choice, like Aether, 30, a married woman who gave up on her first choice after they shared a chaotic whirlwind romance.
“My ex is honestly someone I find to be ineligible for marriage with anyone — especially with myself,” she told HuffPost. “The attraction was one of a series of trauma bonds. I’ll just say it’s easier to control your enemy when you’re sleeping with them.”
After some relationship missteps ― Mr. Ineligible For Marriage being a big misstep ― Aether realized that what she wanted most in a partner is someone who’s “reasonable and rational.”
“And in this world, we seldom find such people,” she said.
“While we wouldn’t have a marriage based on true love, we would have friendship, mutual respect, and had similar values for raising a family. So, in the end I suppose I threw in the towel so to speak and settled.”
– Jason, a 48-year-old hydrologic engineer
Of course, not everyone feels at peace about not ending up with their first choice. Jason, a 48-year-old hydrologic engineer, still wonders what might have been if he’d pursued the co-worker he fell deeply in love with at his summer job in college.
Jason, who asked to use a pseudonym, sensed that the woman, Jennifer, also had a crush on him, but nothing ever happened between them. The timing was always off ― one of them was always coupled up when the other was single.
After college, Jason relocated to another state and threw himself into his career and pursuing a graduate degree. He put his love life on the back burner, though in that decade of singledom, he dated a friend on and off. The friend tried to push a relationship on him, but Jason never felt that same heady rush of feelings for her like he did for Jennifer.
Still, his mid-30s were approaching, and he wanted to be a dad. His friend was also eager to start a family.
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“I thought she would be a great mother,” Jason said. “While we wouldn’t have a marriage based on true love, we would have friendship, mutual respect, and had similar values for raising a family. So, in the end I suppose I threw in the towel, so to speak, and settled.”
Fourteen years into marriage ― tough years filled with a miscarriage and his wife’s cancer scare, but also happy ones thanks in large part to their adopted son ― Jason still regrets having settled.
“My wife and I rarely fight or argue and don’t appear miserable but I’m not really happy and I don’t think she is either,” he said. “It’s like a type of purgatory for a relationship; more of a business partnership.”
He still thinks about Jennifer, whom his wife doesn’t know about ― at least not as a concrete person with a name. Jason suspects that his wife knows he “settled for her.”
He and Jennifer sporadically kept in touch, even after she married someone else. One year, when Jennifer was in the same town for a work conference, they decided to meet up.
“In the end, she confessed that she had settled as well,” Jason said. “Turns out she had always felt the same. Tragic we both now have marriages and families. Not that I would have ultimately made the cut, but I still wondered what if.”
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“I caution against quickly jumping into a relationship after a breakup or if you’re still pining for someone,” said Sarah Spencer Northey, a marriage and family therapist based in Washington, D.C.
How to make sure your ‘second choice’ is the best choice, according to a marriage therapist
Obviously, there’s a spectrum of outcomes when you marry your runner-up: You could be entirely fulfilled and in love like Peter, indifferent to your circumstances like Aether, or disheartened and openly questioning like Jason.
If you’re questioning your decision, it may mean that you didn’t give yourself adequate time to heal from your first choice’s rejection, said Sarah Spencer Northey, a marriage and family therapist based in Washington, D.C.
“I caution against quickly jumping into a relationship after a breakup or if you’re still pining for someone,” she told HuffPost.
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“I try to normalize for clients that there are two big stages to getting over an ex,” she said. “One: getting over an ex to a point where you feel stable on your own, and two: getting over an ex to the point where you feel stable in a relationship with another person.”
That said, the therapist thinks it’s unrealistic to tell someone to remain single until they’re 100% over their ex: “Can you ever be 100% over someone who was a big part of your life?”
For most folks, feeling as though you “settled” with a successive partner is a fleeting feeling, Spencer Northey said.
“It’s important not to feed into the idea that the person you end up with is your ‘second choice,’” she said. “When things get tough in your current relationship, it’s easy to idealize the ex as the one you should really be with, but that is seldom the case. ‘The one that got away,’ got away for a reason.”
Ultimately, making it work with the person you love now boils down to two things: actively choosing them and reassuring yourself that relationships can last if both people prioritize each other and put in the work.
In time, your second choice naturally becomes your first choice, your best choice, hopefully for the rest of your life if that kind of monogamy is what you’re after.
That’s what happened for happily married Peter, though he admits he’s not a “what-if” type of person.
“I keep my focus on my relationship and marriage more than thinking about the past,” he explained.
In the end, he said, “I think I did get my first choice because the woman I married is the only woman I ever associated the word ‘marriage’ with. With Ann, I’m happy, fulfilled and content, even if she wasn’t my initial ‘first choice.’”
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