How to Work Productively on Big Projects

Recently I’ve been a in terrific productive flow. Due to the coronavirus situation, I have no in-person obligations now, so there’s no need to go to the gym, to guitar lessons, to run errands, or to meet up with people. My hair is growing longer, but my focus is growing deeper.

This has given me the space to tinker with my system for managing tasks and projects. I’ve had time to experiment with different approaches and to observe closely how those changes affect me. There’s less variety of activity in my life now, so I can perceive the impact of these changes more clearly. It’s like working in my own personal productivity lab where I can finally control the lab environment.

One simple change that I’ve been finding very effective has been to redefine larger projects as lots of smaller projects instead. For instance, the annual opening of Conscious Growth Club is a big project with more than 100 steps, and many of those steps have checklists of 10+ items within them. This year I decided to split that larger project into 17 smaller ones. The action steps are the same.

There’s a different feel where I have to work for weeks just to complete one project versus being able to complete multiple projects every week. I like the feeling of accomplishment I get from closing smaller projects more frequently. These smaller projects are just chunks of the larger one, but they’re crisply defined. Some of them can be completed in an afternoon.

As I continue to break off pieces of other large projects and turn them into their own projects, my projects list has grown lengthy. But the feeling of flow has increased because now I’m completing and closing projects more often. On a good day I might fully complete 2-3 smaller projects.

This helps me see myself as a project finisher. I’m feeling increasingly driven not just to work on projects but to push them towards full completion. It’s intrinsically rewarding to close out a project, and now I get to enjoy that reward 10-20x more often.

Imagine working on a project with 100 action steps to complete, and you’re only 9 steps in. How does that feel?

Now imagine fully completing one 5-step project and then finishing 4 out of 5 steps of a second project. How does that feel?

In each case you’ve completed 9 actions steps, and they’re the same actions. But the framing in the second case is likely to feel a lot better. It does a better job of building momentum and confidence, doesn’t it?

Moreover, if you only have 1 step left to go to complete that second small project, are you really going to leave that undone at the end of the day? You could, but you might feel driven to polish off that last task to fully close that project too. I’ve noticed that I’m more likely to push myself to complete an extra step or two if I’m that close to the finish line. It feels good to close out the project and move it off my plate completely. This is restful for my mind because when I complete the project, I can let it go.

Is it easier to tackle a big project like “write a novel,” knowing you won’t get far in a day, or to break off a small piece like “brainstorm and outline a rough design for one character” and complete it? Which framing leads to more procrastination?

Which is easier to face: a project that says “Clean house” or one that says “Do laundry”?

The framing of big projects may lead to thoughts like:

😓 This is gonna be a lot of work.

😓 This looks complicated.

😓 This will take a long time.

😓 How long will this actually take to finish?

😓 It will be a long time before I see results from this.

😓 I wonder what’s on Netflix…

With small projects the framing shifts to:

✅ I can knock this out this afternoon.

✅ Only 6 action steps? I can do that.

✅ This looks simple and compact.

✅ This seems pretty straightforward.

✅ I can see all the steps at a glance.

✅ It will be nice to get this project done today.

✅ I’ve already finished 5 projects this week… which one to do next?

My suggestion is to consider how you’re presenting your work to yourself. If you present a long, slow slog up a mountain of work, your mind and body may react accordingly. If you present yourself with accessible projects you can readily finish, you may enjoy some meaningful gains in focus, flow, and fulfillment.

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Are People Slowing You Down?

When I was in college, I listened to an audio program that mentioned businessman and author Harvey Mackay. The program cited him as an example of someone who was very coachable because he’d often hire a coach for those areas of life where he wanted to improve. For instance, he hired a running coach to help him get better at running.

This got me thinking about how coachable I was. I decided to try hiring a coach for 6 months while still in school, someone who was part of a coaching program offered by Denis Waitley. When this offer came to me via postal mail, I thought, “Why not?”

That was a new and interesting experience for me. We had weekly 30-minute calls, which were very conversational. Usually the coach, whose name was John, would ask me for an update on my situation, and then he’d make some suggestions for what I could do to improve.

I also had to take a personality profile test as part of this program, and the results were shared with the coach and me. My results were fairly unbalanced according to the report, but I thought it was reasonably accurate.

This was during the time when I was going through college in three semesters by taking a significantly higher course load. My focus at the time was on productivity. I wanted to get better and better at that. My goals were mainly academic in nature.

My coach, however, often didn’t seem to care much about helping me in that area, perhaps because by most people’s standards, I was already highly productive. He wanted to bring more balance to my life, so his advice was often social in nature. He advised me to reach out and connect more with other people, and he gave me some tips on how to lean into that gradually.

I had a small group of friends, and I thought my social life was okay for the time I had to devote to it. I was in a bit of a bubble socially though, and I didn’t feel much desire to expand in that area. My friendships weren’t particularly deep, but I actually felt okay about that.

The coach spotted an imbalance, and in a way he was right, but I wasn’t in a position to be coached in that particular area. I did work on that area of life tremendously after I graduated, but while I was immersed in the educational funnel, working on the coach’s goal for me wasn’t a good fit. I wanted to work on my own goals that were front and center.

After six months I decided not to continue with that coach. I found that his advice in some areas was okay, but his timing was wrong for me. I think he wanted to help me create a significant breakthrough in my social life and relationships, but I wasn’t in a position to make that a reality.

The bigger issue for me, however, was his attitude towards productivity. I wanted to push myself further in developing outstanding productivity practices and habits, so I could complete my schoolwork faster and take on even more. I wanted his help in raising my standards even more. On some level I knew that my life was unbalanced, but I was actually okay with that. I was getting so much juice from pursuing goals that mattered to me.

When I released the coach, I actually went faster. I don’t think this was due to saving 30 minutes a week from not doing the coaching calls anymore. I think it was from unshackling myself from the coach’s expectations, which were lower than the demands I placed on myself. The coach anchored me to attitudes that didn’t serve me.

My final semester at college was my most productive ever. I even did the equivalent of a full-time contract work position programming computer games while taking 37 units at school (the usual is about 15 units). I’d sketch out game algorithms during slow classes. I found many more ways to be productive without burning out.

I realized that when I pushed myself to excel, other people could create social drag for me. I also recall that this was one reason that I was fairly guarded in my social life back then. I liked having a few friends to hang out with and to enjoy poker nights with. I was also active in the school’s computer club and eventually served as Vice Chair of that club. But I was hesitant to make too many friends, partly because I didn’t want to be infected by their attitudes.

Well-meaning people can slow us down if they hold us to lower standards than we wish to hold ourselves. They’ll often try to rope us back into the fold. I see this as a test from reality: Are you ready to stand up for your desires? Are you ready to develop and maintain your own standards, regardless of what other people think?

Don’t let other people’s limits infect you. If you want to go further and faster, you can do so. Expect social resistance to rise up now and then. Just poke it with a pin, and you’ll find that it deflates pretty easily.

What I found is that if I keep leaning towards my desires, even when it seems like no one else wants to go there, it does eventually attract people who align with having similar experiences. Again, it’s helpful to see this as a test from reality. If you don’t stand up for your standards, then you don’t have standards. You have sitards. 😉

Surely there are some areas of life where the standards of the people around you seem to be significantly lower than yours. A major challenge of living consciously is to continue acting in alignment with your own standards. Do your best to avoid the tendency to sink back down into the social trough – you won’t be happy if you let yourself slide.

Take a moment to remind yourself of your true personal standards. What habits and practices feel aligned to you, even though someone else might consider those standards too extreme? Are you happiest when you maintain your standards… or when you slip back down to lower standards that others can accept more easily?

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The Beauty of Endless Projects

One thing that Walt Disney loved about Disneyland was that it was an endless project. He could always continue tinkering with it. He knew that it would never be finished.

In contrast to Disney films like Snow White, Bambi, and Mary Poppins, Walt found it appealing to pour his energy into a project that he could never complete. This allowed him to make continuous improvements. He would walk around Disneyland often, especially on Saturday mornings, and note issues that could be improved. Sometimes he’d even tell team members to relocated trees that they’d planted, so the views for guests would be better. He was good at noticing how small details contributed to the overall experience.

Conscious Growth Club is that kind of project for me. We’re about to enter our fourth year, opening for new members April 27 – May 1. We’ve made numerous improvements to the group since we first opened for early access in April 2017. And there are many more improvements yet to be made.

From one perspective, the list of potential improvements can seem daunting. Whenever I invite members to share ideas for improvement, like I recently did in our private forums, there’s a flow of great suggestions that will take time to implement. I capture these ideas and integrate them into my project planning system, so I can keep track of them. The hardest part is prioritizing what we’ll do next.

For the early months and years of CGC, much of my focus was to get the big rocks in place: the forums, the coaching calls, and some courses. We now have three major courses and a nice flow of three coaching calls per month. We’ve had significant daily activity in the forums since we started. The core pieces have all been working well for quite a while now. And we can maintain a nice flow of continuing to add to these resources.

We’ve also added other stable elements to the group: a 24/7 video chat channel where members can connect (called the CGC Watercooler), new 30-day challenges every month, 5-step quarterly planning sessions for members to clarify their goals, and lots of spinoff projects and experiments that members have come up with, including a writing mastermind group, a CGC movie club, and an online co-working group.

CGC is my own version of personal growth Disneyland. It’s a project that will never be completed. Ideally I’d love it to outlive me – always evolving in different ways. With so many growth-oriented people inside contributing to it, it’s been expanding in interesting directions since we started.

Here are some of the aspects I want to improve for the upcoming year of CGC.

Helping Members Feel at Home

CGC is great for people who are very growth-oriented and have sufficient time to delve into all the resources and opportunities the group provides. But it can feel a bit intimidating to new members, and it takes a while for some people to warm up to it and feel socially integrated into the group, even though the people inside are very friendly and welcoming.

We always welcome new members in the forums after they introduce themselves. Rachelle and I do our best to welcome everyone personally too. That’s a good start, but we need to build upon that to help people feel even more welcomed and to help them feel comfortable enough to start using CGC’s resources regularly, especially on the social side.

After our 2020 opening, I plan to host an orientation webinar in the first half of May. All members are welcome to attend. This may be followed by a video Watercooler welcome party (either right away or shortly thereafter). The orientation will be recorded and added to the CGC member portal, so members can rewatch it whenever they want. If someone has gone inactive for a while, rewatching this could help reacquaint them with the key features quickly and help them re-engage.

As part of the orientation process, I could also invite some members who’ve been in CGC for at least a year to share their tips and suggestions for getting the most out of the group. I think some of our members would be happy to share, especially in terms of what they wish they understood better when they first joined.

I plan to create a nice onboarding email sequence too (instead of just a single welcome email), so when new members join, they’ll receive a series of emails gradually introducing them to different features of CGC one by one. They can reply to these emails to ask questions too. I’ll set it up so that previous members can opt-in to this sequence too if they want a gentle refresher.

Helping Members Build Comfort and Trust

I do the coaching calls personally, and even though I find them fun, casual, and stimulating, for some members it’s still a bit intimidating to raise their hands to participate in a live video coaching call.

Even after a year or more in CGC, many members have never participated in the live coaching (other than watching), and a key reason is that they don’t feel comfortable enough with it yet, especially when it comes to talking about personal growth challenges. We’re pretty gentle and encouraging on these calls, which are geared towards helping people find solutions to their problems. But it can take time for people to get used to this level of intimacy.

I don’t think I could get nervous doing these coaching calls if I tried, and it seems like I’ve been sharing intimate details of my life online forever, so this can be a blind spot for me. It’s easy for me to forget what it’s like to just be getting started with this level of sharing and trust. So I’m looking into adding more intermediate steps to help people bridge this gap.

One idea is to host occasional “office hours” or hangouts in the video Watercooler for members who want to connect and chat with me in a less structured format than the coaching calls. This could help members feel more comfortable talking with me on video if they find the regular coaching calls too big of a step.

There are other ideas we’re considering along these lines as well.

In the beginning our focus was on adding a lot of value to CGC. This year we’ll continue doing that, and I also want to do more to help members leverage the value that’s already there.

When you first enter Disneyland, you have to walk down Main Street. That’s the only way in. Then you get to the round courtyard in front of the castle, and from there you have options. It’s basically a hub-and-spoke design.

For some members the experience of joining CGC is like starting the Disneyland experience right in front of the castle. You’re dropped into the middle of the park, which can seem a little overwhelming. Which way do I go first? Should I go through one of the courses? Hop on a coaching call? Join a 30-day challenge? Start posting in the forums? Just lurk and read the forums for a bit?

So we need to build a Main Street for CGC. I can see that it would be helpful to provide a more linear channel into CGC to help guide people into the experience. Help them warm up to the new reality they’re entering. Then point out the options for further exploration when they’re ready.

Experimenting

I’m also interested in doing more experimentation this year. We already have lots of daily engagement in the forums, and members are finding wonderful ways to leverage CGC’s tools to create extra value, such as using the video Watercooler for mastermind meetups and co-working challenges. I’d love to do more along these lines. Lots of good ideas bubble up from observing how members are using the different tools.

Here are some ideas that I’d love to experiment with:

  • Investigate ways to add games to make CGC more fun and to help members connect in different ways.
  • Look into team-based projects, experiments, and challenges in CGC. What about a team-based 30-day challenge now and then? This could increase accountability for those who want more motivation and support to complete all 30 days.
  • Explore the video co-working idea in more depth. See if more members want to engage with it and if we could do more with it, such as team productivity challenges.
  • Explore adding some competitive aspects or contests to CGC for members who’d find that fun and motivating. Team 30-day challenges could be one version.
  • Brainstorm what we could do with multiple Watercooler-type video channels.
  • Consider having occasional Watercooler check-in chats for the more popular 30-day challenges, so people can discuss progress and sticking points. See if we can help more people finish all 30 days.

Most of these features will be of greatest benefit for the members who feel right at home in CGC and want to keep exploring and growing together. So I want to be careful to balance the addition of new features (including experimental ones) with making sure that we’re doing enough to invite members to engage with these features.

In this next year, I also want to give members more authority to help manage and implement some of these features. I’d like to explore adding some positions with paid stipends, so members who contribute a lot to the community can generate some extra income from their participation. This seems like a good year to lean into that.

I’m excited about the future of CGC. We have a really interesting mix of structure and organic elements within the group. It’s rewarding to have this endless project that can continue evolving year after year.

In some ways the most difficult years are the early ones because there’s so much to figure out and improve. Walt Disney and his team were constantly testing different ideas for Disneyland. They failed early and often, building rides that didn’t work well, tearing them down, and trying something else.

Sometimes I think of CGC as an amusement park of different experiences, although we focus primarily on growth experiences instead of entertainment. When I think about what Disneyland was like when it first opened in 1955 and how much it evolved over time, it helps me understand how far constant experimentation, improvement, and iteration can take us if we simply persist and keep striving to serve our members well.

Sometimes I dream about what it would be like to visit Disneyland in the 1950s or 60s. I’ve been there every decade from the 70s onward, but I’ve never seen the park during its earlier years. By the time I saw it, it had already been evolving for at least two decades. That would be a fun experience to recreate in virtual reality someday. Perhaps a smart enough future AI could build a decent simulation of that experience by researching historical footage and reading first-hand accounts from people who were there in the 50s or 60s. In creating some aspects of Disneyland, Walt realized that the past could be brought back to life. Imagine what past experiences we could recreate and experience with advanced enough technology.

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Daily Reminders

I normally review my quarterly goals each morning, which is a good habit for staying focused on them throughout the quarter. One new habit I’ve started is to also review a daily reminders list. This is a list of good practices that I want to refresh in my mind each morning, so I can remember to practice them.

The reminders list is good for habits that are difficult to anchor to just one time of day. This can include mindsets, frames, values, and practices that I may want to embody throughout the day. The list is very flexible though, so I can also use it to remind myself of positive habits and their benefits.

My reminders list is pretty long – too long actually – so I want to cull it down to make it more succinct. I started by making an exhaustive list. I can strip away the less important items that really don’t need a daily reminder. I think it’s good to get the list down to a page or less, so it can be reviewed more quickly.

Here are some ideas for what you could include on a daily reminders list:

  • Your favorite morning routine
  • Your favorite evening routine
  • Your favorite weekend activities
  • Reminders about how to use your personal time purposefully
  • Your key areas of focus: health, relationships, business, etc.
  • Your favorite habits that benefit you
  • New habits in progress
  • The current book you’re reading
  • The last time you changed your contact lenses (for 30-day kind)
  • Favorite activities that aren’t daily
  • Your favorite exercises or workouts and when to do them
  • Your best diet advice to yourself: dos and don’ts
  • The healthiest foods you want to eat more frequently
  • How much caffeine is best for you (or none at all)
  • Trigger foods you want to avoid
  • Personal blind spots to watch out for
  • Risks you need to stay on top of
  • A reminder to look for opportunities each day
  • A reminder to practice gratitude
  • A reminder to type shorter emails
  • A reminder to sometimes practice silence
  • A reminder to be compassionate towards your future self when making decisions
  • Your best practices for unwinding at the end of a workday as you transition back to personal time
  • A list of some trips and vacations you want to take
  • A list of your top 10 friends that you want to connect with more often
  • Some of your long-term dreams
  • A few reminders of your favorite memories
  • Your best practices for relaxing when you’re stressed
  • Your best practices for amping up the stimulation when you’re bored
  • A reminder to take breaks during your workday
  • Some favorite songs that make you feel good
  • Your favorite music to listen to while working (I love anything by Jessita Reyes)
  • Your best productivity practices
  • Your favorite productivity apps to use
  • Areas of focus that you want to pay more attention to
  • A reminder to cut back on behaviors that aren’t serving you (and what to do instead)

One reason my list is so big is that many of my daily reminders don’t need to be daily. It contains many sublists. Some of these could be bumped to a weekly or monthly reminder list instead. I do find that a long list is still better than none at all, even if I just take a couple of minutes to skim through it. But the risk of having too many items is that it could clutter my mind instead of helping me focus on the essentials.

One great use of a daily reminder is to warn yourself about blind spots in your thinking. This can help you remain watchful of known weaknesses and traps you’ve fallen into before. So if you have a tendency to overspend on items you don’t need, you could include a daily remind to be frugal and watch out for unnecessary expenses. However you tend to unbalance your life, you can remind yourself to pay attention to the areas where you tend to under-invest, especially while feeling overly busy.

Daily reminders are especially good for changing long-term health habits. You could have daily reminders for some of these good practices if you’re looking to improve your eating habits, for instance:

  • Take pics of all meals and snacks; review at end of week.
  • Eat slowly and mindfully to 80% full; save leftovers.
  • Wait 20 min after eating before considering eating more.
  • Favor foods with low caloric density, low fat intake, lots of veggies; measure quantities for denser foods.
  • Favor raw foods, whole foods, low-fat foods, nutritarian, variety of colors.
  • Reduce or eliminate refined sugars.

Your list doesn’t have to be beautiful, so even a hastily created one that you scribble out in a few minutes could be better than none. The key is to establish the habit of reviewing it daily. I like to review mine each morning while sipping a green smoothie.

For some items it’s fine to just include the what. For others you may want to briefly mention the why as well, so you can link the behavior to the purpose behind it. Reminding yourself of the purpose behind your best practices can help you with consistency.

What are some essentials to include on your list? Where do you lose sight of your best practices? Where do you tend to slip after a while? Where are you struggling to be more consistent? Daily reminders can help with all of these.

Daily reminders also create a sense of accountability. If you’re slacking off on some of your best practices, these reminders will alert that you’re falling short. It doesn’t feel good to be reminded of this, and the daily reminders keep that unpleasant realization right in your face. If you try to justify your sliding, your own purposeful reminders will hold you accountable and encourage you to raise your standards. You’ll have to face the music each time you review your list.

This practice is good for prevention too. It’s harder to slack off on a good habit when you keep reminding yourself of its benefits each day, such as by reminding yourself that exercise boosts your mood, clarity, mental endurance, depth of concentration, creativity, and immunity.

I encourage you to test this habit for yourself. It’s easy to get started. Just make a list. Then you can ask one of your devices to remind you to review it each day. Or you could place a physical copy of your list somewhere conspicuous, like taped to your bathroom mirror, so you’ll automatically see it each day.

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Your Most Daunting Open Loops

An open loop typically refers to an unfinished project, task, or assignment. Sometimes people will extend the definition to include their major goals as well.

I’ve been finding a lot of value in extending this concept to include anything that pops into my mind where I don’t feel that I’ve achieved sufficient closure. If my mind is dedicating some internal processing cycles to a thought pattern that isn’t aligned with what I’m doing in the moment, that’s a distraction. And many of those distractions come from unresolved open loops.

These open loops could be little things, like a past memory that pops up. Or they could be significant concerns, like trying to get clarity on the coronavirus situation.

So instead of just thinking of an open loop as an incomplete item on my to-do list, I think of it as any thought pattern that pulls my mind away from what I’m doing.

Resolving Open Loops

There are multiple ways to handle an open loop:

  • Fully complete it, so it’s 100% done.
  • Make a plan for how you’ll complete it.
  • Schedule on your calendar when you’ll plan it or complete it.
  • Push it down to a Someday / Maybe list to consider later, in which case you also need a routine for regularly reviewing that list, like once per calendar quarter.
  • Delegate or outsource it to someone else, in which case you still need to follow up to make sure they finish it, so it remains an open loop for you till they get it done.
  • Let it go if you can do that, which may include forgiveness, especially forgiving yourself.

When I extended my definition of open loops to include more than just action items, I found that these solutions generally applied as well. I just needed to be more creative in how I resolve different types of open loops.

Suppose I have a past memory that bugs or disturbs me. Maybe I have some trauma associated with it. That’s an unprocessed open loop. If I don’t resolve my feelings about the memory, it could continue disrupting me for years to come. Do I really want it to do that? Probably not. Is this a problem that can be solved? Yes. It’s a mental pattern, and mental patterns can be changed. Sometimes it takes a deep and serious effort to change an entrenched mental pattern, but as with many skills, the more you practice, the more you can lean on this skill when you need it. The Stature course in particular goes deep into these skills and practices.

One approach that almost universally fails with open loops is trying to resist them. If you try to resist a memory, that doesn’t work any better than trying to resist a project. The memory or the project will remain, patiently haunting you till you deal with it more proactively.

I’ve found that if I’m flexible and creative in my approach to processing just about any kind of open loop, I can bring it to resolution over time and feel that I’ve finally closed it. When the loop feels resolved and closed, my mind can relax a little more in that one area, and I’ve freed up some otherwise stuck mental energy.

Unresolved Open Loops

Here are some types of open loops that can be resolved if you invest enough in bringing them to closure:

  • Do you have an aligned morning routine that consistently gets you off to a strong start to each day? The lack of a good morning routine is an unresolved open loop. Same goes for a decent morning routine that’s inconsistently maintained.
  • Have you figured out how to consistently eat and exercise so that you feel good, have abundant energy, and don’t fight with your health habits? If not, that’s an open loop.
  • Do you have any chronic health conditions that are probably reversible? Do you know if they’re reversible or not? Have you done whatever it takes to fix them? This may require major lifestyle and habit changes. Is it possible though? If it’s possible to solve these problems and you haven’t solved them yet, that’s a significant open loop that could distract you. Imagine if you permanently solved these problems and could finally let them go for good. Alternatively, you could deeply welcome and accept them as-is. But if you still feel some resistance towards them, that’s an open loop.
  • Are you in a misaligned relationship? Or are you single and feeling misaligned with that? If you’re not feeling good about your relationship situation, that’s an open loop. It won’t go away on its own. It will just keep nagging you till you properly address it and finally solve it. Is this a solvable problem? Yes. You may need to do a ton of inner work, but many other people have done that, and they enjoy happy relationships as a result. Knowing that other people have already created situations that you desire could nag at you endlessly till you finally close this open loop for yourself.
  • How are you handling the current coronavirus situation? Are you able to handle the uncertainty regarding what will happen next? If not, then you haven’t processed the situation well enough yet. You may still need to do some reframing till you’ve come up with a flexible and adaptable strategy. If you’re feeling off balance, that’s an open loop. It’s possible to feel balanced and grounded amidst major changes and uncertainty.

Self-control

You may see a common pattern here. All of these require great self-control and self-discipline. There’s no getting around that.

Resisting the need for self-control is itself an open loop. If you try to fight the obviousness of this, the open loop will just keep staring at you. And you’ll keep spending more mental processing cycles thinking about it again and again. And again!

Another problem is that low self-control tends to create more open loops. If you don’t muster the resolve to close these open loops, they’ll eventually pile up, which can start to feel overwhelming. Then the temptation is to sink into constant self-distraction to avoid having to deal with them. A better solution is to recognize and admit the tremendous need to work on one’s self-control, and then train yourself to build that muscle.

Many open loops look smaller and less daunting when you build your self-control. The first step is just deciding that this matters to you and that you’ll need to invest in this for life.

Putting a good plan in place can help to quiet a pesky open loop, even if the plan isn’t very good and won’t actually work. But when you create a thorough plan that you truly believe can work, the effect is even stronger.

Our lives are filled with solvable problems that we haven’t actually solved, troublesome memories that we haven’t fully integrated, and relationship troubles that we haven’t fully forgiven or released. These are open loops.

A simple realization is that if you can develop better self-control, you can close more open loops because you’ll have more capacity to do so. But how do you build more self-control? You can build self-control by closing open loops.

Start by closing the easier open loops. Don’t just settle into busywork each day. Pick some open loops that you can fully close. Then close them. It’s like training with lighter weights before you move to heavier weights.

Closing Open Loops

This is how I like to flow through my workdays. I identify open loops that I’d like to close that day. Maybe I list a bunch of smaller open loops. Maybe I decide to tackle one big open loop. Or maybe I pick an open loop that’s a meaningful slice of a larger project. Then I prefer to work single-mindedly to close these loops one by one.

Having an article idea pop into my mind is an open loop. So to close that loop, I have to write and publish the article. I prefer to do that in one sitting when possible. I virtually never outline an article one day and then write and edit it the next day since that would leave an open loop overnight. If I’m going to give my attention to an open loop, I want to bring it to some form of closure before I move on to the next task or project.

It feels much more rewarding to me to close a few open loops during a day than it feels to chip away at a bunch of projects and not fully close anything. Driving tasks to full completion is often difficult and requires great tenacity sometimes, but nothing beats the feeling of getting to 100% done.

Processing the Coronavirus Open Loop

If you were reading my blog last month, you may have noticed that I focused intently on the coronavirus situation for a while, writing many articles about it. The virus introduced a major unresolved open loop to my life and to the lives of my readers, and I wanted to give it sufficient attention to fully process it until I could achieve some form of closure with it. Every day I tried to advance my understanding of the situation, make reasoned predictions, assess the risks, and make aligned decisions for how to proceed. I couldn’t just ignore that giant open loop and stick it on the back burner.

I found this extremely helpful. It allowed me to get up to speed quickly with the new reality. This helped me determine if I needed to make any course corrections or adaptations. For instance, I decided to drop the plan to do a new workshop in the Fall. There was too much uncertainty over the viability of that idea. So that was an open loop of uncertainty that I had to resolve and close. I can always add that project back when it becomes viable again, but I find it better to close that loop for now by taking it off my plate. That way I’m not dwelling on it in the back of my mind, and I can free up that mental energy for other projects.

Like many people, I also had to do some extra processing on Trump’s depths of lying, stupidity, incompetence, and utter ridiculousness in handling the virus situation. Pretty much every day, the news headlines is some form of, “Yup… Trump is still behaving like a toddler.” Sadly I’m not joking. I have to factor in how having a moron for a President could affect my life. That’s an open loop that takes some processing to resolve, so I don’t feel knocked off balance by his endless acts of idiocy. Interestingly, this actually lead me to feel more grateful and appreciative of sane, intelligent, and honest people.

Eventually I felt that I grasped the possibilities of the coronavirus situation well enough, and I’d done what I could to practice and promote the importance of social distancing early on (when it matters most). So this no longer felt like a major open loop in my life. While it’s still an ongoing and evolving situation, I’ve settled into a way of keeping up to date that feels balanced and doesn’t distract me while I’m working on other projects. Until the situation changes in some way I didn’t already factor in, I don’t feel that it needs as much direct personal attention anymore.

Growing Stronger

If you broaden your definition of open loops, what do you see? What still needs more processing to bring those open loops to full resolution? What thoughts and feelings still nag at you?

A good test is whether you feel chill about a situation. If you still feel some tension and your mind can’t relax, there’s more processing to be done to close the loop.

I find a lot of benefit in just asking: What would it really take to fully close this loop for the rest of my life?

Then I try to be deeply honest with myself. The answer may initially seem like it would take a Herculean effort, but it only seems so relative to my current strength. If I had Hercules’ strength, then a Herculean effort would seem pretty normal. Oh… it’s another Hydra… no problem! Then I see it as a character sculpting challenge to build the necessary strength, however long it takes.

This is my preferred way to frame persistent open loops that are extremely difficult to close. They’re character sculpting challenges, inviting me to grow into a smarter and more capable human being, so I can finally close them. If I don’t accept and commit to the growth challenge, I can never hope to close those open loops, and they’ll pester me for the rest of my life. Accepting the growth challenge is the wise choice then.

Even when it’s really difficult to do so, reaching the point of full closure of a persistent open loop can be so rewarding that it’s worth pursuing. The greatest reward is to experience the character you created in order to finally close those loops.

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Consistent Awakening Times

One challenge that can make it difficult to create a consistent daily flow is getting up at inconsistent times throughout the week. If I get up at different times that could diverge by an hour or more, I find it difficult to have a consistent morning routine.

Initially I thought it shouldn’t make a big difference if I get up at 5am, 6am, or 7am. As long as I get enough sleep, I can run through my morning routine when I first awaken.

But for some reason, it does make a difference. I find it much harder to get my mind to follow the same morning routine if I try to run through it at different times of day. That could be because the cues are different, especially if I sometimes get up before dawn and sometimes after.

Another factor is how I feel about my awakening time emotionally. Getting up at 5am feels good to me. I feel more disciplined. I love being up before dawn and already gliding through the flow of my morning when the sun greets me.

If I don’t get up till after dawn, I start my day feeling slightly disappointed. The sunlight reminds me that I blew it. I feel that I’ve missed out on that serenely beautiful pre-dawn time that anchors me to my day. If the sun catches me in bed, it means I’ve missed the boat for that day. It corrupts how I feel about the day as a whole, even if I still have a pretty good day overall.

If I sleep in late, like till 6:30am or 7am, it throws off my rhythm. I feel out of sync with what I’m supposed to be doing. When I go downstairs and it’s already light in the kitchen, I feel a bit more confused about what to do. My internal and external cues aren’t the same. I can still generally flow through a decent routine, but it’s more effortful because I have to consciously think about each step. And some part of my mind is wasting energy processing thoughts like, “I should have gotten up at 5am,” or “If I’d gotten up at 5am, I’d already have a new article published by now, which would have been lovely, but now I’m stuck in the quantum universe where I slept in late.”

For these reasons I find that the ideal solution is to awaken at a fixed time each day. That one habit anchors my day. I’ve been doing that consistently lately, and I find that it adds such a beautiful flow to my days. Every day starts with a wondrous gift.

I absolutely love getting out of bed when it’s still dark. I like knowing that I got a few things done while the rest of the world is slumbering. When I write and publish a new article early in my day, it feels like I’m making a personal development breakfast for people to gift them with when they’re ready.

I find it best to do this seven days a week. Taking a day off here and there doesn’t feel like a reward or an easing of discipline. It feels like I’m denying myself the gift of the pre-dawn time that I love so much.

This simple daily discipline is a friend. It’s a trainer. I used to resist it and fight with it a lot, especially when I was younger. I’d rebel against the need for it. And I missed out on many of life’s gifts. Now I’m in tune with the flow of those gifts, and it’s a wonderful place to be.

I like to awaken with an alarm each day. It’s my gentle invitation to begin a fresh, new day. It’s not jarring or unpleasant. It’s the wrapping paper that contains the beautiful gift of that magical morning time. I never use the snooze feature; to do so would be like pushing the gift back in someone’s face.

What’s the first gift you could give yourself to begin each day? How do your best days typically begin? What would happen if you consistently gave yourself that gift every single day?

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Personal Desires

As a follow-up to yesterday’s post on facing personal weaknesses, one step I took to deal with such weaknesses many years ago was to brainstorm a list of qualities I wanted to experience instead of those weaknesses.

Here’s what I came up with back then:

  1. Confidence – holding a strong belief in my own self worth and my abilities
  2. Courage – the willingness to face any fear and conquer it
  3. Passion – love and zest for my life and my work
  4. Gratitude – feeling grateful that I have so many gifts and blessings
  5. Worthiness – feeling that I am a worthy person and that I deserve all my success because I’ve earned it
  6. Generosity – feeling that I always want to give more than I expect to receive
  7. Victory – feeling that I am the best in my field, because I’m willing to give more than anyone else
  8. Intelligence – making smart decisions and benefiting tremendously from the results
  9. Enthusiasm – doing my work with vigor, energy, and passion
  10. Leadership – devoting my life to evolving the planet
  11. Persistence – sticking to a task until it is complete by holding the vision of the goal in mind
  12. Humility – knowing that I must continue to make myself worthy of my success
  13. Growth – becoming a more evolved person
  14. Contribution – changing the world for the better in a significant way
  15. Being the best – consistently outperforming my competition
  16. Patience – being willing to delay gratification for bigger future rewards
  17. Wealth – feeling totally rich, being a financial wizard
  18. Drive – pursuing my goals with energy no matter what
  19. Ambition – visualizing the future as I want it to be
  20. Achievement – achieving my goals one after the other in rapid succession
  21. Success – reaching my goals successfully
  22. Speed – working quickly to accomplish tasks faster than expected
  23. Integrity – being honest with myself, keeping every promise I make
  24. Vitality – experiencing abundant energy to achieve everything I want
  25. Honesty – simplifying my life by always telling the truth
  26. Sacrifice – being willing to do without something in the present in order to achieve a better future
  27. Honor – keeping my word to myself and others
  28. Communication – being able to communicate easily with others, especially on the phone
  29. Spirituality – maintaining a connection to my higher self
  30. Order – being well organized and efficient
  31. Creativity – finding creative solutions to problems
  32. Uniqueness – following a different path from others and expressing my individuality
  33. Management – being good at managing my life and the work of others
  34. Self Esteem – feeling good about myself
  35. Health – living in a state of physical well-being, vitality, and energy
  36. Action-orientation – jumping onto opportunity and acting quickly to take advantage of it
  37. Commitment – finishing tasks that I start
  38. Concentration – being able to work for long periods of time in a state of concentrated effort
  39. Focus – keeping all my attention on the task at hand
  40. Flow – enjoying a state of peace and serenity as I work
  41. Peace – a feeling of oneness with the world and my spiritual self
  42. Faith – belief that everything that happens will turn out for the best and that I am led by a higher source
  43. Abundance – having more than enough for the rest of my life, having quick access to anything I want
  44. Mental toughness – sticking to my goals no matter what obstacles there are
  45. Open-mindedness – a willingness to be open to new opportunities and solutions
  46. Flexibility – the ability to change my approach whenever my current actions aren’t delivering the results
  47. Resourcefulness – using all the resources at my disposal and stretching to accomplish my goals
  48. Power – feeling strong, vital, and in control of my life and my destiny
  49. Responsibility – taking charge of my lot in life, knowing that I am fully responsible for my own situation
  50. Happiness – enjoying my life and maintaining a positive mental outlook
  51. Adventure – living life to the fullest
  52. Mastery – feeling that I am a master of my own destiny
  53. Wonder – feeling a sense of awe
  54. Appreciation – feeling happy for what I have and taking time to stop and enjoy it
  55. Discipline – sticking to my current tasks and goals even when progress is difficult
  56. Curiosity – asking questions to increase my knowledge and identify areas where I want new distinctions
  57. Vision – knowing exactly what I want in life
  58. Clarity – keeping a crystal-clear vision of what I want
  59. Persuasiveness – being able to influence others and persuade them to take actions that will benefit us both
  60. Service – serving the planet by utilizing my greatest talents
  61. Wisdom – making decisions wisely with consideration of their consequences
  62. Strength – having a strong character that others can quickly recognize and relate to
  63. Aggression – a go-getter in active pursuit of my goals
  64. Expert – being a master in my field of interest
  65. Efficiency – working quickly on my highest payoff tasks
  66. Take immediate action – seize opportunity as soon as I find it
  67. Investing – spend less money than I earn, invest the difference, and reinvest the returns
  68. Money is a score – seeing money as my score and working to reach higher and higher scores
  69. Planning – focusing on what I can control and creating plans to make it a reality
  70. Leverage – being able to use things without needing to understand them completely
  71. Seeing success on the other side of frustration – knowing that when frustrated, success is coming soon
  72. Determination – strong commitment to follow through on a plan in order to achieve the goal
  73. Time management – using my time wisely on my highest payoff tasks
  74. Sleeping four hours a night – and awakening with my body fully restored
  75. Love – growing closer to my wife every day
  76. Compassion – caring for other people deeply
  77. Cleanliness – keeping a clean environment, cleaning up on a regular basis
  78. Purity – living a moral, goal-oriented life that is consistent with my highest values
  79. Listening – being able to relate to others effectively by really listening deeply to them
  80. Sensuality – taking time for slow, physical pleasure
  81. Intimacy – a feeling of closeness and knowledge of another’s true self
  82. Warmth – a feeling of connection with others and feeling love towards them
  83. Humor – laughing at the world
  84. Playfulness – maintaining a child-like quality and being able to enjoy the simple things
  85. Loyalty – feeling a strong connection to those who share my path
  86. Stimulating – able to stimulate an open emotional response in others by touching them deeply

I made this list when I was in my 20s. While many of these items still resonate with me today, I estimate that about a third of them don’t, especially the ones related to victory, aggression, competition, and entitlement.

In reviewing this list today, I recognize some strong desire for more control over life, stemming from neediness and frustration. There’s a need to prove myself and to feel worthy. This list shows me why I felt stuck so often in my 20s. These values actually slowed me down.

I often see similar values expressed by people today who are just as stuck and frustrated as I was in my 20s.

Creating such a list was a good place to start though. It helped me take a conscious look at the contents of my desires. Even though my list had some problems, it gave me hope that I could keep making improvements. In the years after I brainstormed this list, I made many changes to my life – new city, new business, new relationship, and new lifestyle.

This lengthy list showed me some genuine desires that I wanted to keep working on, and it also revealed some socially conditioned desires that were actually getting in my way and slowing me down.

Looking back, I feel that I made the fastest progress not so much by focusing on what I wanted but by releasing problematic desires that slowed me down. For instance, I advanced more easily – and faster – through cooperation than competition.

The list above looks overly yang to me now. It’s represents a version of me who believed that more power and aggression was the solution to scarcity in most areas of life, which was actually counter-productive. I made smoother progress when I learned to be kinder and more patient with myself.

Nevertheless, I can still see myself in most of the items on this list. It’s gratifying to recognize that the person I am today can still feel connected to values that I cared about in my 20s. It’s nice to reflect on how much progress I’ve made in aligning with and expressing these values. My 20-something self would likely be surprised by some of the experiences I’ve had.

What’s missing from this list is trust. Today I have a really deep trust in reality. It’s one of my most important values. Unearthing that importance of trust really changed the balance and flow of my life. I lean into this trust when I write, speak, connect with people, and do creative projects. I lacked this trust in my 20s, and I can see how much that lack of trust held me back. I think that’s why my values were so aggressive back then. Since I didn’t trust life, my approach was to control as many aspects of life as I could.

Back then, I thought that the solution to many of my problems was to push harder. But I got much better results when I learned to trust more deeply, especially trusting myself and trusting reality.

Perhaps the most important shift I made since then was to repair that relationship with reality. First I worked through the logic of trust, which helped me see that I couldn’t expect to have a good life without it. Then as that mindset took hold over a period of many years, I invested in building unshakable trust in reality.

Eventually I condensed those years of realizations and experiments into a 60-day deep dive to share with others, which became the Submersion course. It’s great to see how transformational that’s been for others as well. I don’t think we can really understand trust unless we actively test and experiment with it, which is why the course includes 60 days worth of simple experiments to do – and lots and lots of reframes to remove blocks and limiting beliefs.

I encourage you to make a similar list to see what comes out of you. What do you value? What do you care about? What qualities do you wish to develop? Even if you do nothing else with your list, you may appreciate reviewing it a decade or two later to see how much you’ve grown. And such a list will also contain seeds of your future. If you really care about certain values, you’ll probably find ways to express them.

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Facing Personal Weaknesses

Years before I started blogging about personal development, I would often feel frustrated with my character. I struggled for many years trying to get myself to do what I felt I should be doing.

One thing I did back then (which I recently found in some old files), was to create a list of what I perceived to be my personal weaknesses.

This is what I came up with at the time:

  • lack of self-discipline
  • procrastination
  • avoiding difficult or tedious work
  • poor scheduling habits
  • excessive socializing
  • poor time management
  • poor task prioritization (working on the most important task to completion)
  • lack of single-handling (sticking with a task until it is 100% complete)
  • lack of integrity
  • lack of courage (avoiding actions that cause fear or unease)
  • lack of initiative (not taking advantage of new opportunities immediately)
  • lack of clarity
    • fuzzy or uncertain goals
    • lack of a plan for achieving goals
    • lack of a clear deadline for goals
    • lack of specialization (need to master a particular field)
    • lack of directed attention to a single most important goal
    • lack of exactitude in defining my desired outcome
    • unclear thinking (trying to find a short cut to success)
  • poor emotional context to work
    • feeling uninspired
    • lack of clear rewards for completing each task
    • lack of purpose
    • lack of passion for work
    • lack of certainty
    • lack of creative freedom in the work itself (feeling trapped)
    • not feeling that I am the best at anything important
    • lack of desire
    • not enjoying the process
  • poor conditioning
    • no improvement / continuous growth plan
    • no reinforcement of short-term and long-term goals
    • no directed meditation habits
    • poor mind-body connection
    • lack of habitude (conditioning positive new habits until they become automatic)
  • lack of orderly routine
    • poor fundamental work habits
    • unclear rules
    • irregular meals
    • no clear rewards (when to see movies, socialize, take time off, take vacations, etc)
    • not knowing when to pay attention to work, finances, household duties, etc.
    • starting work too late in the day
    • lack of clear routine for physical exercise
  • poor mental endurance
  • lack of focus and concentration
    • being easily distracted
    • mental tiredness
    • no immersion in the task
  • poor financial situation
  • lack of direct income-generating activities
  • lack of money
  • small circle of influence
    • lack of competitive spirit (no competitive goals)
    • lack of peer support
    • lack of mastermind group
    • lack of new friends
  • poor distinction
    • not properly expressing my own creativity and uniqueness through my work
    • not leveraging my greatest strengths

This wasn’t a pleasant task as I recall. I had a lot of grievances about myself, and facing them collectively was daunting. There were so many interwoven problems to unravel.

In reviewing this list today, it actually makes me smile a bit while also feeling some compassion for my past self. My life is way more focused, disciplined, happy, abundant, and fulfilling today than it was back then.

This makes me wonder about the key leverage points that created major shifts along the way. And while there may have been a few, the long path forward wasn’t really about major shifts doing the heavy lifting. Results came gradually from a long-term commitment to personal growth. So the most important factors would include persistence, tenacity, resilience, and determination.

This required a long time perspective. The benefit of making a big list of character flaws was that it compelled me to face and surrender to the obvious truth: I wasn’t going to fix them all in a year no matter how hard I worked. This was going to take a lot of work and a long time to unravel over many years and probably decades. And that turned out to be accurate.

When I made that list, I was already dedicated to personal growth. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to work on my character. I also felt that if I just kept investing year after year, I’d continue to see some gains, just as I had in years past.

About a decade before I made that list, my problems were even worse. So having to deal with the many issues on that list was actually an improvement from where I started.

If there was a single key leverage point, it was the commitment to keep investing in personal growth for life – to keep learning, exploring, experimenting, seeking improvement, and to never give up no matter what.

When there was a significant advancement in a relatively short period of time though, the cause was usually social. I typically made the biggest gains when I invested in a more growth-oriented social circle. That also helped me get out of my head by seeing that my problems weren’t unique. Lots of people struggle with similar issues, and struggling together was easier – and often more fun and rewarding – than struggling alone.

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All 65 Stature Lessons Complete

Yesterday I finished creating and publishing all of the lessons for the co-creative Stature character sculpting deep dive.

The full course is 16 hours and 20 minutes of audio, with the average lesson being 15 minutes. I wanted to keep the lessons for this course very focused and tight.

There’s also a 138-page workbook to accompany the audio lessons, including a one-page summary for each lesson and exercises to apply each lesson. That’s complete as well.

Additionally we have full text transcripts published for most of the lessons now, and the remainder will be done within the next several days.

And next up there are several more bonuses to create for the course as well, so we’ll add those as soon as they’re ready.

Here’s the full list of published audio lessons:

Module 1: Awareness

  1. Introduction
  2. The Airing of Grievances
  3. The Airing of Commendations
  4. Who Do You Think You Are?
  5. Impossible Invitations
  6. Summoning Your Power
  7. Avoiding Your Power
  8. To the Pain
  9. To the Love
  10. Backstory
  11. Personal Trainers
  12. Self Sculpting
  13. Your Origin Story

Module 2: Harmony

  1. Choosing Harmony
  2. Ridiculous Ridicule
  3. Stepwise Character Growth
  4. Aligned Income
  5. Expressive Alignment
  6. Expressive Commitment
  7. Family
  8. Making Progress
  9. Sweet Surrender
  10. Character Care
  11. Immortality

Module 3: Desire

  1. Opinionated You
  2. Pointers to Desire
  3. The Child Inside
  4. Wanting
  5. Inner Demons
  6. Chorus
  7. Pretending to Care
  8. Spontaneity
  9. Decision Rituals
  10. You Are So Lovable

Module 4: Courage

  1. The Voice of the Heart
  2. Trust
  3. Dancing with Fear
  4. Edginess
  5. Directness
  6. Adaptability
  7. Don’t Get Stuck
  8. Opening the Heart
  9. Courage Training
  10. Defending Your Character

Module 5: Will

  1. Responsibility
  2. The Source of Power
  3. Investment
  4. Balance
  5. Fame
  6. Reputation
  7. Dreaming Sideways
  8. Character in Crisis
  9. Wireframing
  10. Defining Your Core
  11. Fire

Module 6: Voice

  1. Memories
  2. Sculpting the World
  3. Embodiment
  4. Mortality
  5. Experiences
  6. Authority
  7. Self-control
  8. Developing Discipline
  9. Releasing
  10. Journey’s End

While I could say that this was a 3-1/2 month project since I’ve been designing and recording lessons for it since December, it was actually a multi-year project since I’ve been engaging with these ideas and developing this course in some fashion for a few years.

Originally this was going to be conceived as a course on clarity, then it evolved into one on goal setting. But I realized that in order to do those topics justice, we have to get to know ourselves very deeply. In order to set aligned and intelligent goals, we have to know who we are and what matters to us. In order to have clarity about anything else in life, we must create sufficient clarity about ourselves.

Without this depth of self-understanding, it’s very difficult to set meaningful goals and work towards them consistently. If you’ve ever set a goal and then lost sight of it within a few weeks or months, then you’re already familiar with that experience.

To do such deep work into personal awareness, we need ample courage too, so that’s a major part of the course with a whole module being dedicated to it. Sometimes the most courageous acts involve looking deeply into the parts of ourselves that most disturb us.

I’m delighted that many of the lessons were co-creatively inspired by feedback and suggestions from course participants who signed up during the first quarter of the year. Some people provided some really great seeds of ideas that were developed into full lessons or parts of lessons. For instance, I recall that lesson 2.2 on Ridiculous Ridicule (i.e. your inner critic), lesson 3.5 on Inner Demons, lesson 5.5 on Fame, and lesson 6.9 on Releasing were all created because of suggestions received.

I’m absolutely delighted with how this course turned out. It’s been a tremendous amount of work and a huge focus of my life for so long. I’ve been publishing each lesson as soon as it’s ready, so new lessons have been getting added every week since we started in early January. Hundreds of people signed up for Stature in January and have been going through it. Some are going slowly, still on Module 2 or 3. Others are close to finishing Module 6.

I feel pretty happy now that the long journey of creating the core lessons for this course is complete. I have this nice warm feeling in my heart this morning. Even though many of us are in some form of lockdown right now, I feel a strong sense of connection with the people who’ve been going through the course, like we’ve been communicating energetically from a distance. I also feel that what we’ve co-created together is really beautiful and magnificent.

Creating this course is easily one of the top five projects of my life, largely due to the decades of experience it took to create it. It feels amazing to share this unique creative contribution with people.

It’s been transformational for me to engage with these ideas so deeply for so long. I feel that I’ve emerged from this process a different person, especially in terms of my ability to focus well and maintain good self-control. Developing this course refactored my previous ways of connecting the dots among ideas, so now I mentally and emotionally link ideas together in ways that feel fresh and exciting. It felt like going through a gradual rejuvenation process, and some aspects of life feel easier as a result.

While the world is undergoing major shifts right now, I feel grounded and safe in the midst of the chaos. Somehow this course gave me a deep sense of inner peace. That may also be because I’ve improved many of my habits and reworked my entire daily routine along the way.

It’s especially satisfying to know that since this is a timeless course, people can be benefitting from it for decades to come.

A huge thanks to my wife Rachelle as well for helping with the course creation, including compiling and editing the lesson transcripts, many discussions of ideas, and abundant cuddle breaks to recharge along the way. ❤️

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Silence

In his autobiography Ben Franklin shared that one of his virtues was silence. He included this description:

Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.

Think about how much time and energy you could save by avoiding trifling conversation and communicating just for the benefit of others or yourself.

I suppose this depends on how you define benefit.

How beneficial is it to comment on what someone shares for the sake of commenting? So you connect for an extra second or two. How much does that matter?

How much of your conversation will even be remembered the next day, let alone a week or a month later?

There’s an opportunity cost when we engage in trifling conversations. We may experience some connection, but it’s a shallow and forgettable form of connection, like being sprayed with a mist that evaporates when the conversation ends.

Do you have any conversations that you still recall years later because of how deep, meaningful, or special they were? How often do you have conversations that you still remember one year later? And how many just blur together in a sea of nothingness?

If you do a lot of online commentary, try to recall some of the most significant commenting you’ve engaged in from the past five years. How much of your communication really benefits others or yourself?

How much criticism have you offered to others that fell on deaf ears or that actually made a situation worse?

I encourage you to play around with your definition of trifling. See what happens if you raise the floor and refrain from making the bottom 25% of commentary that you’d previously considered okay.

What’s borderline trifling that you don’t actually need to share? What cheap laughs could you pass up, even when you have a witty remark on the tip of your tongue that you’re immensely proud of? What debates could you decline to get involved with?

This is an exercise in training up your self-control and self-discipline. When you learn to hold your tongue and be more selective in what you share, it can yield meaningful benefits, including improving your relationships and productivity. Sometimes it’s more beneficial to communicate nothing.

When you release some trifling conversation, you may feel a void in its place, and it may be a deeper void than you expected to see. The invitation is to fill that void with something rich and meaningful to you. If not for trifling conversations taking up space, where else could you invest your time and energy?

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