Meteorite that smashed through a New Jersey roof reveals clues to life’s origins

A meteor streaked across the New York City area in broad daylight on July 16, 2024, producing a sonic boom as it passed just south of the Statue of Liberty. Not long afterward, a meteorite weighing more than two pounds punched through the roof of a home in Hillsborough, New Jersey. An international research team has now analyzed the recovered material and reported its findings in Science Advances.

“A forensic study of the fragments revealed that they contained preserved bits from near the surface of a primitive asteroid where it experienced concentrated salty fluids — a process not previously known from this type of proto-planet world,” said lead author and meteor astronomer Peter Jenniskens of the SETI Institute and NASA’s Ames Research Center in California’s Silicon Valley.

A Meteor Tracked Across the Northeast

The object that entered Earth’s atmosphere that day was roughly the size of a heavy airline bag and was traveling at 32,000 miles/h (14.4 kilometers per second). Sixty people across New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Pennsylvania reported seeing the meteor to the American Meteor Society. Sixteen people in New York and New Jersey also reported feeling the shockwave.

“Our cameras in Northford, Connecticut, and Douglassville, Pennsylvania, as well as a doorbell camera in Wayne, New Jersey, captured the meteor, and from that we measured its trajectory,” said American Meteor Society operations manager Mike Hankey. “The path traced back to low in the asteroid belt.”

The incoming rock was fragile and broke apart quickly as it traveled through the atmosphere. It disappeared from view at an altitude of 22 miles (35 kilometers). Soon afterward, Doppler weather radar at Newark Airport briefly detected an elongated cloud of falling pebbles extending from Staten Island into New Jersey.

Hillsborough sat near the far end of that debris path, where the largest pieces were expected to reach the ground. Only one meteorite was recovered, largely because it made its presence impossible to miss by striking a house.

The homeowner recalled what happened: “I was at home at the time, heard a loud crash and found a hole in the ceiling of the master bedroom. I smelled a strong sulfur-like odor and saw many black fragments along with debris and black dust that covered my bed, carpet and surrounding areas.”

He quickly documented the scene and protected the material from contamination. Wearing disposable gloves, he used aluminum foil to collect the meteorite fragments and placed them in glass jars.

An Exceptionally Rare Primitive Meteorite

Laboratory analysis showed that the recovered rock belonged to a primitive meteorite family known as CM-type carbonaceous chondrites. The “M” refers to the Mighei meteorite, which fell in Ukraine in 1889.

Paper coauthor Mike Zolensky, a meteoriticist at NASA’s Johnson Space Center in Houston, found that some parts of the Hillsborough meteorite had experienced more extensive alteration by water on its parent asteroid than scientists usually observe in CM2 carbonaceous chondrites.

The meteorite was classified as a CM1/2 carbonaceous chondrite, placing it between the petrographic CM1 and CM2 categories.

The Hillsborough event is only the 22nd observed fall involving a CM-type meteorite. More remarkably, it is just the second witnessed fall of a CM1/2 carbonaceous chondrite. The first was the Kolang meteorite, which fell in North Sumatra, Indonesia, in 2020. Every other witnessed CM fall has involved CM2 material, and no CM1 meteorite fall has ever been observed.

“Thanks to the homeowner’s quick reaction, these are the most pristine CM1/2 meteorites we know of,” said Jenniskens.

Evidence of Ancient Asteroid Brines

Scientists are particularly interested in how water influenced the chemistry of primitive asteroids. Another major group of primitive carbonaceous chondrites is known as CI, with the “I” referring to the Ivuna meteorite that fell in Tanzania in 1938.

Pristine samples related to this type have also been returned directly from space. JAXA’s Hayabusa 2 mission brought material back from asteroid Ryugu, while NASA’s OSIRIS-REx mission returned samples from asteroid Bennu. Those samples contain substantial evidence that briny fluids once existed just beneath the surfaces of their parent asteroids.

Zolensky and colleague JangMi Han discovered small CM1 fragments rich in salt inside the Hillsborough meteorite. Their findings suggest that the material came from a region near the surface of its parent asteroid, where liquid water evaporated and left behind increasingly concentrated salts.

The researchers are now identifying the specific salt minerals in the meteorite so they can compare them with similar materials found in samples returned from Ryugu and Bennu.

This salty chemistry could have important implications for understanding the chemical conditions that helped produce molecules relevant to life. Highly concentrated brines can keep phosphate dissolved in solution and can promote chemical reactions involving organic compounds and minerals that precipitate from solution.

Organic Molecules and Ingredients for Life

“Isotope studies of carbon and nitrogen suggest that primitive carbonaceous chondrites, including CM-types, delivered organic matter to the early Earth,” said cosmochemist Queenie Chan of Royal Holloway University of London, England, and biogeochemist Nana Ogawa of the Biogeochemistry Research Center at the Japan Agency for Marine-Earth Science and Technology. “The Hillsborough meteorite contained 1.8% by weight of carbon and 0.07% of nitrogen, and had carbon and nitrogen isotopes typical for CM-type meteorites.”

Researchers also detected a broad range of soluble organic compounds in the meteorite. The diversity of those compounds provides further evidence that the Hillsborough material experienced more extensive alteration by water than most other CM-type meteorites.

“A high fraction of compounds were the product of organic chemistry with minerals,” said organic mass spectrometry specialist Phil Schmitt-Kopplin of Technical University Munich. “We do not know if these magnesium organic compounds were contributed by brine chemistry or were simply left over from earlier impact shock processes.”

Organometallic compounds also play important roles in living systems, including in blood and photosynthesis. Scientists found numerous amino acids among the soluble organic compounds in the Hillsborough meteorite as well. They were similar to amino acids previously detected in CM2 chondrites that experienced more moderate water alteration.

Astrobiologist Danny Glavin of NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland, and researchers in Goddard’s Astrobiology Analytical Lab concluded that CM-type bodies could have supplied the early Earth with amino acids, carboxylic acids and other soluble organic molecules. That delivery may have contributed to the collection of prebiotic organic material that existed before life emerged.

Their analysis also indicates that the meteorite’s complex assortment of amino acids formed inside its parent body. Briny fluids likely helped drive at least some of that chemistry.

A Rare Asteroid Sample Preserved for Science

Some fragments of the Hillsborough meteorite will eventually be curated by the American Museum of Natural History in New York City, preserving the unusual material for future research.

“We are thrilled that nature delivered such a precious asteroid sample on our doorstep,” said curator Denton Ebel.

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The sun is covered in tiny whirlpools we’ve never seen before

Scientists have captured previously unseen plasma vortices swirling across the surface of the Sun, revealing tiny structures that could help explain how our star stores, moves, and releases magnetic energy.

The discovery comes from researchers at the U.S. National Science Foundation National Solar Observatory (NSF NSO), the Max Planck Institute for Solar System Research (MPS) in Germany, and the High Altitude Observatory (HAO) in the USA. The team combined observations from the NSF Daniel K. Inouye Solar Telescope, the world’s largest solar telescope, with advanced computer simulations. Built and operated by the NSO in Hawaii, the telescope provided images detailed enough to expose plasma motions that had never previously been visible.

“To detect the vortices, we needed to resolve structures on the solar surface about 20 kilometers in size. That is at the limit of what even the world’s largest solar telescope and state-of-the-art simulations can achieve,” said MPS scientist and co-author of the new publication Michiel van Noort, who contributed to the observations as well as the data reduction and image restoration. The researchers used a broadband imaging camera provided by the Max-Planck-Institute for Solar System Research (MPS).

Tiny Whirlpools Along Solar Granules

The newly detected vortices appear along the boundaries of structures known as granules, which densely cover the Sun’s visible surface. Individual granules are typically between 500 and 2,000 kilometers across.

Together, they create the Sun’s granulation, a constantly changing pattern that resembles bubbles in a boiling liquid. The comparison is fitting because granulation is produced by moving plasma. Hot plasma rises from deeper inside the Sun, cools near the surface, and then sinks back down.

For the first time, scientists were able to resolve extremely fine, fringe-like structures along the edges of these granules. The structures repeatedly develop swirling motions that resemble ocean waves as they begin to break.

Some of these “fringes” measure only slightly more than 20 kilometers across. Observing something that small on the Sun is roughly equivalent to identifying a one euro coin from 180 kilometers away.

Instabilities in the Solar Plasma

The researchers believe these swirling flows are evidence of Kelvin-Helmholtz instabilities, a familiar phenomenon in fluid dynamics.

Kelvin-Helmholtz instabilities develop when two fluids move alongside one another at different speeds. The difference in velocity produces shear forces where the two flows meet. Small disturbances at that boundary can then grow into waves or swirling vortices.

The same basic process appears in many environments and across vastly different scales — for example, on the surfaces of lakes or in ocean waves, in cloud formation, in the atmospheres of the giant gas planets Jupiter and Saturn, and in the interaction of the solar wind with planetary magnetospheres.

At the boundaries of solar granules, neighboring layers of plasma also appear to travel at different speeds. Those conditions could provide exactly what is needed for Kelvin-Helmholtz instabilities to form.

Tiny Vortices Could Twist Magnetic Fields

The newly observed plasma vortices may offer an important clue to how the Sun stores and releases energy within its magnetic field, including through tiny bursts of radiation called nanoflares.

Current theories suggest that magnetic energy builds up as the Sun’s magnetic field lines become twisted and coiled — similar to the mechanical energy stored in a tightly coiled metal spring. As the twisting increases, the magnetic configuration becomes both highly energetic and unstable.

Eventually, that stored energy can be released through a process known as “magnetic reconnection.” During reconnection, twisted magnetic field lines snap open and reconnect in a different arrangement.

One major unanswered question has been what causes those magnetic field lines to become twisted in the first place.

The newly discovered vortices could supply part of the answer. Because the researchers find that these small whirlpools appear continuously wherever the magnetic field is sufficiently strong, the vortices could provide a persistent mechanism for twisting the Sun’s magnetic field lines.

A Possible Clue to the Sun’s Magnetic Cycle

The analysis also indicates that the mini-vortices are highly effective at mixing magnetized and non-magnetized plasma at the solar surface. That mixing could help magnetic fields move quickly from the surface upward into the Sun’s atmosphere.

Changes in the Sun’s magnetic field drive its roughly eleven-year activity cycle — which is exceptionally rapid on a cosmic scale. For the Sun’s magnetic “framework” to change this quickly, magnetic flux must be transported efficiently away through the solar atmosphere.

Current models have difficulty explaining how this diffusion can happen so rapidly. The newly identified vortices could provide an important piece of that puzzle as well.

“The newly discovered plasma vortices impressively demonstrate how minute processes — at the limit of what we can resolve using all available techniques — significantly determine the nature of our star,” said Sami K. Solanki, director of the MPS and co-author of the new publication.

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Cutting sweet foods doesn’t curb cravings or improve health

A new six-month trial suggests that changing how much sweet-tasting food people eat does not alter how much they enjoy sweetness. Researchers also found no meaningful differences in several measures related to heart disease and diabetes risk among people who ate diets with high, low, or average levels of sweetness.

The findings raise questions about public health advice that encourages people to reduce sweet-tasting foods as a way to combat overweight and obesity. The researchers argue that the more important targets may be sugar intake and energy-dense foods rather than sweetness itself.

Sweetness Intake Did Not Change Taste Preferences

The study was conducted by researchers at Wageningen University and Research in the Netherlands and Bournemouth University in the UK. The findings were published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.

“People have a natural love of sweet taste which has led many organizations, including the World Health Organization, to offer dietary advice on reducing the amount of sweetness in our diets altogether,” said Katherine Appleton, Professor in Psychology at Bournemouth University and corresponding author for the study. “However, our results do not support this advice, which does not consider whether the sweet taste comes from sugar, low-calorie sweeteners, or natural sources,” she added.

Researchers recruited 180 participants and divided them into three groups. One group ate a diet containing a high amount of sweet-tasting food, another ate a diet with a low amount, and the third followed a diet with an average level of sweetness.

The sweet taste in the foods came from several sources, including sugar, naturally occurring sweetness, and low-calorie sweeteners. This distinction matters because foods can taste sweet for very different nutritional reasons. Fruit, for example, contains naturally occurring sugars along with vitamins, fiber, and other nutrients, while some processed foods may contain added sugar without offering the same nutritional benefits.

Six Months of Testing Found Little Difference

After one month, three months, and six months, participants were asked whether their liking for sweet foods or their perception of sweetness had changed.

Researchers also tracked body weight and collected blood and urine samples. These samples were used to look for changes in markers associated with diabetes risk and cardiovascular health. Such markers can help researchers assess whether a dietary change is affecting processes linked to blood sugar control, metabolism, or heart health.

At the end of the six-month trial, the researchers found no significant differences among the three groups in any of the measures they examined. People who ate more sweet-tasting foods did not appear to develop a stronger preference for sweetness, while those who ate fewer sweet foods did not appear to lose their taste for it.

Participants also tended to return on their own to their previous levels of sweet food consumption after the study ended.

Researchers Question Advice to Reduce Sweet Foods

Based on the results, the research team says public health organizations may need to reconsider recommendations that broadly target sweet-tasting foods as part of efforts to address overweight and obesity.

The researchers emphasize that sweetness and sugar are not the same thing. A food can taste sweet because it contains sugar, a low-calorie sweetener, or naturally occurring sugars. At the same time, some foods that do not taste especially sweet can still contain substantial amounts of sugar.

“It’s not about eating less sweet food to reduce obesity levels,” Professor Appleton said. “The health concerns relate to sugar consumption. Some fast-food items may not taste sweet but can contain high levels of sugar. Similarly, many naturally sweet products such as fresh fruit and dairy products can have health benefits. Public advice therefore needs to concentrate on how people can reduce the amount of sugar and energy-dense foods they consume,” she concluded.

Energy-dense foods contain a relatively large number of calories in a small amount of food. Many highly processed foods fall into this category because they can be rich in added sugars, fats, or both.

The study suggests that simply reducing exposure to sweet tastes may not be enough to change people’s preferences or improve the health measures examined over six months. Instead, the researchers say dietary guidance may be more useful when it focuses on the nutritional quality of foods, particularly their sugar and calorie content, rather than whether they taste sweet.

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Why Emotional Permanence Can Be Harder For Some People With ADHD

You send your partner a text. Hours pass without a reply.

Logically, you know they’re probably busy. But emotionally, your brain starts spinning. Are they upset with you? Did you do something wrong? Do they still love you?

Most people have moments like this from time to time. But for many people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), those feelings can be much more intense, and may be tied to something often referred to as emotional permanence.

Emotional permanence is a non-clinical term used to describe the ability to hold on to the feeling that someone loves, values or cares about you even when they aren’t physically present or regularly communicating with you.

“Emotional permanence is not an officially recognised diagnostic symptom of ADHD, although many individuals with ADHD report experiencing symptoms that closely resemble it,” said therapist Stephanie Lewis.

“Many report a lack of ability to maintain the emotional reality of a relationship as long as the individual involved is not physically present or actively engaged in communication with them. The phenomenon is much more than simply forgetting another person exists; rather it involves loss of access to the feeling of being loved, valued and/or connected to another person during short periods of time.”

A delayed text, a missed call or a quiet day from a partner or friend can suddenly feel like evidence that the relationship has changed and can cause not only anxiety for the person with ADHD, but also possible friction within a relationship.

Although it’s not a clinical diagnostic symptom, people with ADHD often struggle with “emotional permanence,” according to experts.

Catherine Falls Commercial via Getty Images

Although it’s not a clinical diagnostic symptom, people with ADHD often struggle with “emotional permanence,” according to experts.

How A Lack Of Emotional Permanence Affects Relationships

People who struggle with emotional permanence don’t necessarily doubt their relationships all the time. Rather, they may suddenly feel as though an emotional connection has disappeared simply because it hasn’t been recently reinforced.

For example, someone with ADHD may intellectually know their partner loves them, but after a day without hearing from them, begin wondering whether something is wrong.

“In my work with individuals with ADHD I have met patients who intellectually understand their partner’s love for them,” Lewis said. “Yet, upon going one full day without receiving a text message from their partner, they begin to wonder whether something is wrong and/or if they have caused their partner to become upset with them.”

That uncertainty can quickly snowball.

“This emotional uncertainty will often result in anxiety, increased reassurance-seeking behavior or increased conflict within the relationship,” Lewis said.

The same pattern can show up outside romantic relationships. A delayed response from a friend can feel like rejection. A lack of feedback from a manager can feel like criticism. Even when nothing has objectively changed, the emotional certainty that someone cares can suddenly feel precarious.

Why Emotional Permanence Can Be Harder For Some People With ADHD

Although emotional permanence is not part of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, experts say several characteristics commonly associated with ADHD may help explain why many people with ADHD identify with this experience.

Lewis points to working memory challenges, difficulties with emotional regulation and rejection-sensitive dysphoria – an intense emotional response to perceived criticism or rejection that many, though not all, people with ADHD experience.

“A number of variables may also contribute to the existence of emotional permanence,” Lewis said. “For example, working memory deficits may limit the ability to retain emotional information, whereas difficulties with emotional regulation and rejection-sensitive dysphoria may increase the fear of rejection or disconnection.”

Clinical psychologist Navvab Tadjvar said these challenges can make the absence of emotional reassurance feel much more significant.

“Because the ADHD brain is so intensely bound to the immediate present, when the feedback stops, the internal anchor collapses,” Tadjvar explained. “Silence doesn’t evoke the possibility that the care will return; it evokes the feeling of total abandonment, leaving us helpless and all alone in the world.”

That doesn’t mean someone with ADHD doesn’t understand that they are loved or cared for. But it does make it difficult for them to access emotional connection in the moment, especially when there’s a gap in communication or they’re missing reassurance.

The Impact Extends Beyond Romantic Relationships

While emotional permanence is often discussed in the context of dating and relationships, ADHD coach Dom Passantino, who also has ADHD, said one of its biggest impacts is actually how people see themselves.

“People often flop into discussions of ADHDers’ lack of emotional permanence with the mindset, ‘They forget they’re in love if someone isn’t there,’” he said. “But it’s a lot more than that, and I feel like the darkest impacts of it are on how we view ourselves and not others.”

According to Passantino, many people with ADHD find themselves craving validation from people who rarely offer it while dismissing reassurance from the people who do.

“And when hypersensitivity is thrown on top, you turn these traits from upsetting to actively damaging,” he explained. “This becomes a breeding ground for dysfunctional and abusive relationships for both parties.”

Developing “evidence files” full of thoughtful texts and other proof of love can be helpful for people trying to strengthen emotional permanence.

Justin Paget via Getty Images

Developing “evidence files” full of thoughtful texts and other proof of love can be helpful for people trying to strengthen emotional permanence.

How To Strengthen Emotional Permanence

Lewis said: “A critical first step would be the recognition of the phenomenon without judgment.”

One strategy she often recommends is creating an “evidence file”: saving thoughtful text messages, kind emails, handwritten notes or voice messages from loved ones that can be revisited when self-doubt starts creeping in.

“I frequently instruct my clients to develop ‘evidence files,’” Lewis added. “They may then refer back to the evidence file at times when insecurity regarding their partner increases.”

She also says cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and ADHD coaching can help people learn to pause before assuming silence equals rejection and become more comfortable tolerating uncertainty.

Passantino agreed that keeping reminders of positive interactions can be especially helpful for people with ADHD. He compares it to the everyday systems many people with ADHD already use to remember tasks.

“In very much the same way that an ADHDer will need a Post-it note stuck on their monitor to remind them to buy milk or brush their teeth, we need to remind ourselves of the positive interactions we have with people,” he said.

He said this can be particularly important for people who have spent years masking their ADHD traits and learning to question whether positive feedback is genuine.

“Because we spend so much time masking, we just assume any positive interaction is fake, that people were just humouring us or being polite,” Passantino said. “Celebrating your own personality, not turning down the colours on it, is very important – it’s the classic ADHD coach mantra of ‘being yourself on purpose.’”

According to Tadjvar, strengthening emotional permanence is not only an individual process; loved ones can also help by creating more predictability and consistency within relationships.

“Cultivating emotional permanence requires a collective commitment to building a predictable world,” he said.

He encourages partners, friends and family members to create that sense of security through small, consistent acts of communication. “Sending a quick, ‘Thinking of you, buried in work until 5 p.m.,’ text rather than going radio silent provides the sturdy, predictable scaffolding the ADHD brain needs to feel safe,” he explained.

Ultimately, Tadjvar said, “Cultivating this skill is a practice of rewriting the intervals of absence: transforming silence from a terrifying void of abandonment into a secure, shared space where the connection remains safely intact.”

Keep in mind that it’s important not to self-diagnose. While many people with ADHD relate to emotional permanence, Lewis stressed that it is not unique to ADHD.

Similar experiences can also occur in people living with anxiety disorders, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or attachment-related difficulties.

According to Lewis: “If you find that your inability to emotionally connect with others consistently affects your relationships and/or your daily functioning, consider consulting with a licensed professional mental health provider.”

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Trump’s BBC Lawsuit Backfires After Corporation Requests His Financial Records

President Donald Trump filed an emergency motion in his $10 billion defamation lawsuit against the BBC to prevent the disclosure of his financial records in court — and withdrew allegations that the network had damaged his brand and businesses.

The emergency stay granted Thursday in the Southern District of Florida by US Magistrate Judge Enjoliqué Lett temporarily blocks the BBC from obtaining detailed financial information on the Donald J. Trump Revocable Trust, which is managed by the president’s son Donald Trump Jr.

“Counsel for the Plaintiff—who also represents the Trust—testified at the July 27, 2026, discovery hearing that the Plaintiff no longer intends to pursue a damages theory premised on injury to the plaintiff’s brands and businesses,” Lett wrote in her motion-granting order.

Trump sued the BBC in December over a documentary that aired on its flagship “Panorama” news program, which spliced together two different sections of a speech he gave on Jan. 6, 2021 — before rioters stormed the Capitol.

Trump argued in his lawsuit that the program caused economic damage to his businesses, but dropped that particular claim ahead of a deadline Thursday to produce financial records corroborating this — which would have included tax returns, financial statements and ownership records.

A lawyer for Trump said during the hearing last month that Trump’s attorneys “don’t want to acknowledge that the brand has or has not suffered any injury,” and are “not pursuing that as part of our damages,” concluding, “It is simply the reputational injury to the President, full stop.”

The president is still seeking $10 billion in damages from the broadcaster.

Attorneys for the BBC denounced the fact that Trump is still seeking damages without financial disclosure.
Attorneys for the BBC denounced the fact that Trump is still seeking damages without financial disclosure.

Alex Brandon/Associated Press

Attorneys for the BBC argued Wednesday in a memorandum opposing the motion that Trump could have focused only on his supposed reputational harm when he first filed the lawsuit, and decried that he is still seeking damages without providing any actual disclosure.

“In fact, claiming $10 billion in harm while purporting to disclaim damage to Plaintiff’s business and professional interests renders it all the more implausible that Plaintiff will ever be able to show such damages,” the attorneys wrote Wednesday in the memo.

Trump’s lawyers on Wednesday had called the BBC’s request for disclosure “shockingly broad,” arguing it would cause irrevocable harm to the trust overseeing his companies. While Trump succeeded Thursday, the emergency stay does not necessarily shield his records forever.

The court could still decide that the BBC is entitled to obtain relevant financial information. The emergency stay itself will remain in effect until Lett rules on whether or not to lift it — following updated filings from Trump and his attorneys regarding the ongoing lawsuit.

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Want The Secret To Lasting Love? Here’s The Hard Truth

During my senior year of college, I dated a boy who was tall, dark-haired, and smoked a lot of weed. (If I’d had a checklist, those would have been the boxes on it at the time.)

We talked easily, about everything from medieval art to music, and I found his lanky limbs and soulful eyes very appealing. But despite how much we enjoyed each other’s company, both in bed and out of it, I didn’t, fundamentally, feel anything. If he’d told me he never wanted to speak to me again, I wouldn’t have cared, except that I’d have needed to get my weed from someone else.

That’s when I came up with the theory of the third thing.

The premise is that there are three things that make you fall for someone. The first is a physical connection. The second is an intellectual connection. And then there’s the third thing… whatever mysterious ingredient makes you imagine a future together. My friends and I spent hours sitting on the floor of my dorm room, listening to Matchbox 20 and drinking diet Snapple with vodka, trying to unravel what the third thing could be.

I was a good student. I was naturally shy and awkward, but I was also used to thinking things through and figuring them out. In middle school, I’d analysed my classmates’ social interactions, realising that when someone told a story about themselves, you were supposed to respond with a story on a similar topic.

In high school, I’d made a checklist of all the things I needed to do to be cool (start reading Seventeen magazine, stop walking around with a book in front of my face, keep gum in my backpack and offer it to my classmates after lunch).

In college, I’d turned my attention to boys. It was easy to kiss them on sticky bar dance floors and meet them for coffee dates at the student centre. But I wanted to fall in love, and I wasn’t sure how to do it. If I could figure out the third thing, then I’d know the formula. I’d know how to find someone who I was really excited about.

I dated regularly throughout my 20s, but nothing lasted. Then, following another breakup, I found myself spending a lot of time on the phone with my friend Dan. We’d dated briefly when we first met years before on study abroad. He was awkwardly, gawkily handsome, and was one of the smartest people I’d ever met, dropping references to Byzantine emperors into casual conversation. However, at that time, there just wasn’t that third thing.

Then, suddenly, eight years later, there was. I wasn’t sure what had changed. I still didn’t know what the third thing was, but something was different, even if I couldn’t identify it. For years we’d just been friends – albeit friends who drunkenly made out occasionally when we ended up in his car together late at night. And now we were spending all our time thinking about each other. How had this happened? And what were we going to do about it?

As it turned out, we were going to get married. Three years later, we found ourselves holding hands and saying vows in a historic library in Providence. We ate cupcakes, drank prosecco, and spent the night dancing with our friends and family among the stacks. It was the happiest day of my life; I’d found a smart, handsome man whom I loved, and who loved me. We had chemistry; we could spend hours talking, and most importantly, we had the third thing. I felt like I’d gotten exactly what I wanted.

Except that after 10 years of marriage, it wasn’t what I wanted anymore. Dan’s brooding moroseness, which I’d found appealing, had begun to seem whiny. My quest for self-improvement, which he’d found admirable, had begun to seem exhausting. It had started to drive me crazy that he sang to himself. It had started to drive him crazy that I left the cupboard doors open. These were things that we’d lived with for years. They hadn’t been a problem. And now, suddenly, they were, and I wasn’t sure why.

There were other, bigger issues. We were politically divided. We wanted to spend our time in very different ways. My marriage didn’t end just because we no longer had the third thing. But that was part of it. We were still attracted to each other. We still talked about everything as easily as we always had. But we no longer had that ineffable thing that made us feel romantic about each other.

We tried. We left our son with his grandparents over the 4th of July weekend, went to a local brewery for IPAs and pepperoni pizza, shared a joint and had sex in front of a mirror. We sat side by side, feeling miles away from each other, and watched fireworks explode into distant sparks of light. We went to two different couples’ therapists. They gave us worksheets. We did the worksheets. We still didn’t love each other anymore.

The hardest thing about the end of the marriage wasn’t the loss of the present. At the time, we were sleeping on separate floors of our old suburban house, trying not to touch when we passed each other in the stairway. But in my imagined future, we were going to be one of those elderly couples who travelled around the country in an RV, who went to see independent films and had season tickets to the local symphony. We were going to sit side by side at our son’s graduation, and when he crossed the stage, unimaginably tall but still wild-haired and bright-eyed, we were going to squeeze each other’s hands.

The author on vacation in Palm Springs.

Courtesy of Lia Romeo

The author on vacation in Palm Springs.

Instead, I was single and dating again in my 40s. From everything I knew about ageing while female, I figured that dating at that age would be some kind of barren wasteland. Instead, I discovered that the apps had come along and made it easy. I could go on a date with someone new every night if I wanted, and for a while I did. I was doing things I thought I’d never do again, like kissing strangers at the entrance to the subway. And for the first time, I was dating women, which was something I’d always wondered about. When I was younger, I’d gone from one man to another, and suddenly I wondered if maybe the reason I’d had trouble figuring out the third thing was that I didn’t want to be with a man. Maybe my newfound queerness held the answer I’d been seeking.

I started dating a beautiful woman with long blonde hair, tattoos and a sweet smile. We sent each other passages from books, we talked about theatre, we spent hours making out. Still, despite how much we enjoyed each other’s company, both in bed and out of it, there was no third thing. We were mutually unserious, and after a few months things came to an end.

I think someday I’d like to fall in love again, but I’m also terrified because I’m finally coming to understand that there isn’t a formula. I’m realising that the third thing is different at different times, or for different people. That it’s something that can appear out of nowhere… and can disappear, too. That sometimes love just goes away, and if I find it again, it might go away again, no matter how hard I try not to let that happen.

I’ve finally figured out that I might never figure it out. If the third thing comes my way again, it’s just going to be because I’m lucky. I can’t control whether I find it; I can only control whether I’m brave enough to say yes to it. I don’t know whether I will be.

For now, I write, I teach and I worry about the world, and I watch my son use Magna-Tiles to build rainbow castles reaching up towards the sky. Sometimes I swipe right on strangers, and meet them for hikes or cups of coffee. I walk my dog around the neighbourhood in the spring and watch the crabapples bursting into improbable, extravagant bloom. The flowers drift down from the trees as I walk underneath them. I reach out my hands to catch them, and I end up empty-handed, but later, when I get home, I find myself picking delicate pink petals out of my hair.

Lia Romeo is a playwright, essayist, novelist, and screenwriter. Her plays have been produced off-Broadway, as well as regionally and internationally, and her essays have appeared in the Washington Post, the New York Times, and other national publications. She is currently at work on a screenplay.

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How a former GB Olympian curbed his porn problem – and the signs and steps to recovery

Experts share the signs to look out for if you are worried about your porn use, and how to seek help.

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I went for a full body MOT and the results came as a shock

The private body scan industry is booming, but is it doing more harm than good?

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Nigel Farage’s Political Obituary Is Being Written Far Too Soon. Here’s Why

Westminster loves nothing more than a bit of groupthink.

A settled view on a particular issue can quickly become established fact in SW1, even if there is plenty of evidence that it may be wrong.

The most recent example is the growing belief that two-party politics will return in time for the next general election.

This is not an outlandish idea, given the most recent trend in the opinion polls.

It is undeniable that Labour has enjoyed a Burnham bounce since the former mayor of Greater Manchester replaced Keir Starmer as party leader and prime minister.

A crossover point was reached earlier this week when, for the first time in 18 months, Labour overtook Reform UK in the poll of polls.

This has coincided with a steady decline in support for Reform amid the ongoing controversies over the financial arrangements of both Nigel Farage and his party.

At the same time, Kemi Badenoch’s Tories have been enjoying a modest uptick in support, while the Green Party have also gone into reverse following a series of mis-steps by their leader, Zack Polanski.

A YouGov poll seemed to confirm this trend on Thursday when it revealed that Reform and the Greens have fallen to their lowest favourability ratings to date.

Burnham becoming PM has coincided with a leap in support for Labour.
Burnham becoming PM has coincided with a leap in support for Labour.

via Associated Press

Some political commentators have therefore concluded that the next election will once again be a straight fight between Labour and the Conservatives.

However, leading pollsters have told HuffPost UK that it is far too early to assume that British politics will simply return to the way it has always been for most of the last century.

Indeed, Chris Hopkins, political research director at Savanta, said a return to two-party politics “feels like something of an impossibility”.

He said: “In almost all opinion polls conducted since Andy Burnham became Labour leader, five parties have achieved 10% or higher.

“The top two – more often than not, Labour and Reform UK – tend to combine for around 50% of the overall vote share.

“This is a far cry from recent general elections, especially 2017 where the Conservative and Labour combined for a whopping 82% of the overall vote.

“Of course, if British politics has taught us anything over the last few years, it’s that the fortunes of political parties can change very quickly, so you can never rule a return to two-party politics out.

“For now, only the Greens feel at risk of losing ground, probably to a rejuvenated Labour Party, but Reform UK don’t feel like they’re going anywhere while Nigel Farage is at the helm.”

With Farage certain to return as MP for Clacton next Thursday with a thumping majority – albeit having only defeated Count Binface and a variety of other minor political figures – the chances of him shuffling off the political stage appears remote.

Indeed, the signs are there that the Reform leader is preparing to come out fighting in an attempt to wrest back the political momentum from Burnham.

Keiran Pedley of Ipsos UK said “we should be careful not to overstate the return of two party politics”.

“Reform are still ahead of the Conservatives for now,” he pointed out. “The Greens and Lib Dems have a significant presence in some parts of the country and nationalist parties are in power Scotland and Wales.

“It may well come to pass that the next election ends up as a mainly Labour vs Conservative affair, but we should caution against jumping to that conclusion too soon.

“To announce the return of two party politics having declared it dead a few months prior feels somewhat premature.”

Badenoch has won praise for her performance as Tory leader, but the events of the past week have seen her criticised.
Badenoch has won praise for her performance as Tory leader, but the events of the past week have seen her criticised.

via Associated Press

The Tories’ mini-renaissance under Badenoch, who has won praise for her performance as leader in recent months, threatened to come off the rails this week, however.

Her decision to stand by a former neo-Nazi chosen to stand as a Conservative council candidate in Somerset sparked a furious backlash and baffled many senior Tories.

Joshua Bonehill-Paine eventually stood down, but was appointed an adviser on anti-radicalisation by Badenoch, a decision which led to fresh outrage.

This was followed by the announcement that the party would evict 230,000 non-EU foreign nationals from social housing, and ban newcomers from gaining such tenancies.

Coming on the back of Badenoch’s decision to remove the party whip from Gavin Barwell and block the likes of Grant Shapps from standing as candidates, it seems clear that she wants to take votes from Reform.

Moderate Tories believe she is making a huge mistake.

One senior figure told HuffPost UK: “Her strategy appears to be to hope that Reform implodes/Farage walks away and then pick up the pieces.

“The reality is that there’s a solid populist vote of 20% that will be very hard for the Tories to reach and the cost of doing so would be to alienate the majority of the electorate. With Labour moving leftwards on the economy, a big opportunity is being lost.”

Cameron Garrett, deputy director of research at the More in Common think-tank, said: “Our politics is increasingly volatile, and it’s too soon to be heralding a return to the two-party system.

“Kemi Badenoch’s personal approval rating has risen dramatically in recent months, but it has yet to lift her party’s fortunes. And while Burnham has seen a bounce, it’s too early to tell whether it will last.

“Voters will need to see real, tangible change before they’re willing to return to the political mainstream for good.”

Listen to Commons People, the podcast that makes politics easy. Every week, Kevin Schofield and Kate Nicholson unpack the week’s biggest stories to keep you informed. Join us for straightforward analysis of what’s going on at Westminster.

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I Asked A Therapist For The Signs A Couple’s Headed For Divorce

According to research conducted by Dr John Gottman and Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman of the Gottman Institute, there are four “horsemen of divorce”: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

And Susie Masterson, a BACP-registered therapist, told HuffPost UK that warning signs of divorce aren’t usually as simple as issues like financial problems or different life goals.

“I have seen couples overcome lots of challenging situations including: infidelity, unemployment, family estrangement and critical illness,” she said.

Here, she shared what she thinks can make the difference between couples who may be likelier to stay together and those that might split.

How can a therapist tell a couple may be headed for divorce?

“Compatibility is not just about liking the same things or shared values; it’s about how we respond to challenges,” Masterson said.

She stated that couples often come to therapy during transitions like moving in together, changing jobs, having kids, or battling illness.

“Our responses to these transitions often highlight differences which might otherwise not have been apparent,” the therapist added.

For instance, many couples have financial disparities that might not be visible until e.g. someone loses their job.

But “Whilst many couples file for divorce citing financial challenges, it’s usually not that simple. When I speak to couples, it’s the differences between the response to these challenges that cause the relationship to break down.

“Successful relationships are predicated on a balance between power, respect and connection,” she explained.

“To be in a relationship with someone requires investment. We need to meet each other wherever we are. We all change. Just not at the same time or at the same pace. Tolerance is key to being able to manage this.

“In my experience, relationships break down when one or both parties are not willing/able to do this. This is often due to competing needs in a situation, where it becomes difficult for any concessions or compromises to be made.”

How can I tell if I’d be happier divorced?

That’s not to say that tolerance and compatibility should be forced in a situation that isn’t serving you.

Masterson pointed out that all relationships go through cycles of rupture and repair. And “Sometimes, when we have been together for a long time, the accumulated impact of this can wear us down”.

It’s also possible that past hurts have gotten swept under the rug, in which case, learning how to heal from them should take priority. “Even if it doesn’t keep us together, it is a brilliant skill to learn as [we need] to be able to model this for our kids. It will also help us in future relationships.”

Ultimately, she ended, “It’s equally important to recognise that not all relationships can go the distance. Before making the decision to separate, it can be really helpful to fast forward to a preferred future and ask questions like: what will be different, how will it feel, who will be in my life, where will I be, what will I be doing?

“Then pause and reflect why any of these preferred outcomes are not possible within the relationship. When you have this clarity, it can help with self-trust and empowerment to commit to a certain course of action.”

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